Bored To Death
by EricIzMine
Summary: EPOV. A 'What-If' AU. What if Eric and Sookie's first meeting at Fangtasia had gone differently. Bored To Death was the first story in the MultiVerse.
1. Chapter 1

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 1**

**A Memorable Name**

Boring.

Mind numbingly boring.

I found myself hoping for some sort of intrigue. Anything.

Boredom wasn't a new concept for me. At my age, boredom had become as much a standard for me as blood and fucking.

I gave up. I'd kicked my legs free of 4 groveling peons and smelled the desperation long enough.

Unwilling to suffer being pawed at by the meat any longer, I centered my sights on an only moderately repugnant volunteer.

She 'flirted' with me from the dance floor, the bar, her table. What made her mildly comical was that she had a date that she was ignoring to do so.

I curled my finger, fighting the amusement as her date tried to remind her of his existence as she staggered towards me in bargain stilettos.

I drew her scent in, testing. Measuring how much alcohol and body odor she carried to see if she was marginally tolerable within arm's reach.

She'd do. She'd do better with a bath, but that involved time I wasn't interested in investing.

She was, like all too many others, categorized as a 'quickie'. The vampire version of fast food.

…Not what I really wanted, but available… and cheap…

"Do you have a name?" Not that it really mattered. I certainly wouldn't bother myself to remember it long enough for her to be through the door.

"Roxie." Of course it was. Somewhere a tornado was planning to remodel her trailer.

"Roxie, I'm inclined to blood and a blow job. Do you think you can manage the service?"

She took a hard swallow as her pulse began to race, not knowing if she was excited or terrified. I knew it was both.

I sat in my desk chair, reclining back and had to stop her before she removed her top. Some things are better left as mystery.

I had her join me behind my desk, on her knees between my feet. It was probably the highest position she'd ever be given.

I put my hands on the arm rest, hoping that I wouldn't find myself teaching yet another insignificant freebie how to give me a proper blow job.

Disappointment and more boredom.

"If you can't keep your teeth out of the way, I can knock them out for you."

She lurched away from me, startled to say the least.

My eyebrows went up. "What? Have you not heard the expression 'a blow job worth doing is a blow job worth doing well'? Relax your jaw and push down."

After a few more minutes of letting my patience be tested I helped her.

She clearly needed a vocabulary tutorial. I put my hands into her hair and pulled her mouth from around my cock and she closed it in her confusion.

"Open your mouth."

When she did, I rested my tip on her lips…

"This… is a tease."

I pushed her face further down my shaft…

"This… is a good start."

Further still, until I found the back of her mouth…

"This… is what you did when I told you 'down'."

Finally pushing past and deep into her throat…

"This… is what I _**meant**_."

Her sensitive gag reflex twitched violently, almost making up for the fact that I might as well be jerking off. Her eyes watered as I helped her along, backing out of her throat from time to time only long enough to let her heave in a deep breath or two before shoving her back down.

I'd gotten annoyed enough that letting her take over again was no longer an option. She squirmed, starting to look horrified, but all the while smelling more and more excited. Typical.

Fucking her face offered no more entertainment than watching the wretched drones sneak roofies into one another's drinks.

I finally managed to get myself close, 'myself' mind you… she was no more than a bleeding fuck doll…

I lifted her hand and as I made my deposit, I stabbed my fangs into her wrist and sucked what should have been a sweet meal from her radial artery.

Instead, I discovered her already boring O positive was tainted by a poor diet and recreational drugs.

She'd done nothing for me. Boring and useless. More of the same.

She tried to withdraw and my mood had soured so I forced her head 'down' before flinging her away. The whimper she gave me was the high note of the experience, believe me.

After using a tissue to clean her blood from my mouth and hand, I tossed the box to her.

"You aren't the worst I've had to deal with, but you certainly won't get a recommendation."

"I… I… I'm sorry."

"I know."

She started crying ridiculous tears.

"No sense in wasting the water. You're the one guilty of false advertising."

She became indignant and it would have been amusing if it wasn't so predictable. "What makes you such an expert on blowjobs?"

"Because my cock has been in enough mouths to know the difference between a woman who puts care into her work and a whore who expects it to be done for her."

Bored. I was still completely bored. Out of my mind bored.

I shooed her away and as expected her manners didn't include closing the door behind herself.

It was all the invitation Pam needed.

"Eric, there is a situation you may want to give your attention to."

"That's doubtful."

"There's a girl here. Longshadow tells me she is interrogating Vampires about missing fangbangers."

"Police?"

"Not likely. She's with Compton."

That got my attention whether I was interested in giving it or not. "Compton brought her here to play detective?"

Pam gave one of her annoyed nods.

"Bring her to me. I'll deal with him later."

I was signing invoices when, in my periphery, Pam stomped in and pushed the girl-detective into the chair across from my desk, closing the door as she left.

I sat back to look her over. Simply put, she was spectacular.

She was like, for lack of a better word, _sunshine_. Sunshine personified.

Untainted flaxen locks cascading over her shoulders, alert eyes as blue as I remember a clear sky, her smooth skin was sun-kissed and flawless.

A beacon amidst the brassy dye jobs, bloodshot eyes and pickled, unkempt flesh…

She was a breath of fresh air in my fallow chest.

Captivating.

"Eric Northman. I'm the Area's Sherriff."

"I'm Sookie. Sookie Stackhouse."

That _certainly_ wasn't a name I'd heard before.

"I understand you're looking for someone?"

"Uhhh… _not exactly_… well, I'm trying to find the guy who killed a friend of mine and another woman." She was anxious, yes, but not quite fearful.

"And why do you think you'll be able to solve this mystery here at Fangtasia."

"Because… well, I was more hoping someone might be able to tell me something useful. The police in my town don't seem to care because the women are 'just fangbangers'."

"I see."

"Well, my brother has been with both the victims and I know he didn't do it, but I'm worried that they'll start to consider him a suspect. They've already questioned him."

"Miss Stackhouse, at the risk of bursting your bubble, most serial killers' families are shocked to find out."

She became rigid and her eyes became clouded by a haze of tears. I found myself troubled by the sight. "Mr. Northman, I realize that. That's why I'm on my own with this. I came here to see if anyone might have heard of any other victims."

"Victims your brother hasn't had sex with."

She nodded, causing the surface tension on her eyes to break and spilling tears over her cheeks. I handed a tissue to her and then wondered why I bothered. I wouldn't usually.

"So you had the idea to come to a Vampire bar and be inquisitive?"

She giggled lightly. "Actually, it was my Gran's idea… Our grandmother."

Interesting. "Is your brother in custody?"

"No, sir."

"What's in it for me if were to help you?"

She made an effort to not smile at my question. "I don't suppose that you'd enjoy the warm-fuzzy feeling of keeping an innocent man free."

I actually found that worth a chuckle. "How is it that you're so sure your brother is innocent?"

Her eyes darted to her lap for the first time since our eyes met, piquing my interest.

"Miss Stackhouse?"

"I… I… I found one of the bodies. I know my brother couldn't have done that."

"And you think a Vampire did it?"

"No!... Uh, no. I… Bill said that a Vampire wouldn't have choked them to death."

And we're finally at the topic of Compton. "Normally, but over the years we can get creative. What makes you so sure that Bill Compton isn't the killer?"

She winced when I asked, but a smile took charge quickly. Bright and impish. "Well then, _there we go_."

"Pardon me?"

"That's what you can get out of it... If Bill is the killer then you'll be able to keep it quiet and handle things yourself so he doesn't cause trouble." And of course, the obvious chance to identify my intrigue in her.

"Well then, let's go." I stood up and moved around my desk, putting my hand down for her.

Her nose crinkled with her confusion. "Go?"

"It's doubtful any information on the matter will be found here. Come along."

She stared at me for a moment and then slid her hand into mine. "We'll need to get Bill."

"Of course."

When we entered the bar area, 'looking' for Compton he was easily seen. He'd been swarmed by fangbangers.

Sookie's hand was still curiously in mine and she gave it a small squeeze, tugging back towards the hall.

"Is there a problem, Miss Stackhouse?"

"Uh, no. Let's just go."

I almost laughed. Far be it from me to argue _**to**_ spend any amount of time with that mainstreaming pussy Compton. I gave her a nod and held my hand out, directing her to the back door.

Only a moment later, she was secured in my Corvette.

"Care to explain?"

"Explain what?"

"Why you abandoned your date to ride away with a strange Vampire."

"It wasn't a date. He was more like an escort. We had a bit of a disagreement before that other Vampire brought me to you. She was kind of snippy. Did I do something wrong?"

"What sort of disagreement?"

"Uh… I'm not… _like those others_. I felt bad he was ignoring them to babysit me." _Oh my, my, my_… suddenly I was _enthralled_.

"Hmmm. To clarify, since you weren't going to be his meal for the evening…"

She started nodding and finished, "It didn't seem fair for me to keep him from them. We're only friends."

"How very considerate."

"Well, he needs… I guess 'a good meal'… is that what you'd call it?"

"I wouldn't necessarily call any of them a 'good meal'… better than a true blood, if that's your meaning."

She nodded again, moving her body just enough for me to enjoy slight tremors in her cleavage. "Yeah, he's had a rough week."

"How so?" Not that I cared in the least about Compton's state of affairs, but the more she spoke, the more interested in _her_ I became.

"Well, he was nearly drained in the parking lot of the bar I work at and then the same drainers nearly killed me for helping him and he gave me his blood. I probably would have died if he hadn't. So, like I said, _a rough week_."

Unfathomable. "You said you helped him?"

"I uh… had a feeling they were up to no good and when I saw their car in the lot after closing, I knew something was up. They held him down with silver chains. I fought them off… Hey, it's after midnight, what do you suppose we can get done tonight?" Oh, my… If ever there was a reason to lie…

"I'd like to talk to your brother. He might have information that would be more useful to me as a Vampire than it is to a human."

"Like what?"

"As you said, he's had sex with two victims. Their habits might tell us something, perhaps which Vampire they might have been with."

"Your bartender said that they'd both been in your bar."

How the fuck would Longshadow know that? "Did you bring photos with you?"

She immediately started digging through her little purse and pulled out a pair of pictures, holding them up.

I took them from her and looked them over quickly. "I've seen them both."

"Did you see who they left with?"

I held one out for her to take back. "They both offered themselves to me. This one was ghastly." I offered her the other one. "I spent… _some time_ with that one though."

She cringed slightly. "They offered themselves?"

"Not unlike the mob surrounding Bill Compton earlier."

"And Dawn… What does 'some time' mean?"

Dawn. Another forgettable name. "_Private_ time, but I assure you she was perfectly healthy when she walked away from our only meeting."

"Are they all so disposable, interchangeable?" She sounded so put upon, so incensed. Her tone was punctuated with a beguiling wrinkle between her pale eyebrows.

I shrugged, enjoying my scolding. It _had_ been a while since anyone had the audacity. "_**They**_ make themselves as such. Try to remember _they_ come to Fangtasia. To _them_, we are an escapade. To us, _they_ are a meal."

"Point taken. You never answered me. The other vampire was persnickety. Had I done something wrong?"

I started laughing. "Here I thought that word was almost forgotten."

"I like it. I might bring it back." Her sass… There was something about her.

"Her name is Pam and you didn't do anything wrong. He knows our rules. He should have discussed your intentions before allowing you interview Vampires publically."

"Oh. Sorry."

"As I said. It was Bill's folly. As a Human, you could have gone to a Human bar and behaved as you did tonight. Our etiquette is more ceremonial. He knew that. You did not."

As conversation waned, I took notice.

Years. It had been years since I spent so long in such close proximity to a Human and smell neither fear nor arousal in obscene amounts.

She sat quietly even though our speed was making her anxious enough to hold her shoulder strap with both hands.

The temptation to slow down was there, but only in the interest of settling her nerves. I was far more attached to the idea of watching her tone… the way her legs moved when she braced herself into the turns… _that _was tempting.

She finally spoke again, surly to give herself something to do. "Uh, Mr. Northman, would you be offended if I suggested we not meet my brother _at his house_."

"I imagine my answer would depend on your reason."

"Well, he isn't too fond of Bill. I don't think it would go over really well to show up unannounced in the middle of the night."

"Where do you suggest then?"

"My house would be fine. Or if you'd rather, we could go to my work. I'm sure my boss would let us use his office."

I gave her a surprised look. "The bar drainers frequent?" Being ambushed by drainers wasn't on my to-do list.

She giggled. "_Aww_. Don't be scared. I'll keep you safe."

I would have laughed, but the look on her face was very serious. "Your house will be preferable as long as you're comfortable." Smaller, less crowded.

She nodded with a grin on her face, pulling a cell phone out of her purse and dialing. She leaned over towards me slightly. "If I were in cahoots with drainers, you'd be in trouble at my house too, ya know…" She gave me a wink and sat back again as her grandmother answered her call.

"Hey Gran, I'm sorry to wake you up…"

"Sookie? What's wrong? What's happened?"

"Nothing. Everything is fine. I found someone who's willing to look into things and he wants to meet with Jason."

"Wh… Well, that's just lovely."

"There's a catch though. We're on our way to the house now. Could you call Jason and have him meet us there?"

"Oh sakes! I'll do it now. Lord knows that boy won't pay no mind to you. Why didn't you just wait until tomorrow?"

"He's a busy man. When he offered to help, I took him up on it before he could change his mind."

"Bless you both then. Let me call the boy. See you soon."

"Miss Stackhouse, you failed to warn her you're taking a Vampire to her home."

She winced, sucking air past her teeth. "Oooh. I'm sorry. Okay, she's going to want to know what you did during the civil war first… then the general history questions will start."

Impossible. In the years since the Revelation the elderly are the least accepting demographic. Set in their Human ways, most of them disbelieving or bitter about their own mortality.

She suddenly looked panicked, making me realize I was staring at her. "Mr. Northman, I'm sure you know what you're doing, but it would make me feel better if you watched at the road."

I found myself apologizing for frightening her and, again, unsure why I'd bother. "Your 'Gran' isn't frightened by Vampires?"

She giggled at the suggestion. "Oh, Lord no. Bill might as well be a shiny new toy. She's all but done a formal interview. She says you guys are walking history libraries. She wants Bill to speak about the Civil War to her club."

"That should be interesting."

"Are you older than he is?"

"Much."

"Oh boy. I'll pray for you." Fascinating.

"Miss Stackhouse, you mentioned you're friends with Bill Compton when I assumed he was your date. _Are_ you spoken for?"

"Are you asking me out?" Impertinent too.

"What would you say if I did?"

"Well, I suppose that would depend on how you ask." She cut her eyes at me in a way that shifted my curiosity.

"That's good to know."

"You should probably get comfortable calling me 'Sookie' first though." She winked at me again. She truly had no idea what she was flirting with.

Sookie and I barely cleared the top step of the farmhouse built in phases over generations before the front door swung open to reveal a jovial elderly woman.

She stepped out to join us on the porch with her hand out to shake mine, so I obliged.

"Adele. Adele Stackhouse. Thank you for taking the time. _Come in, come in._ Can I get you a bottle of that blood, uh, Mr…?"

"Northman. Eric Northman. No, thank you." I followed her into her house just as puzzled by her lack of apprehension as her granddaughter's.

The women led me to their living room and offered me a seat.

"Gran! Did you get out of bed and start cleaning?" Sookie tossed her purse onto an end table and began winding the cord around the vacuum.

"And what else would you have me do?"

"You didn't need to vacuum a room we haven't been in since it was cleaned yesterday… Mr. Northman, I'll be right back. I'm going to change."

"How am I supposed to get comfortable calling you 'Sookie' when you're being so formal?"

Her eyebrow twitched, but rather than saying anything, she slipped into a darkened hallway, leaving me alone with a woman who should, for all intents and purposes, have been terrified by me... Adele Stackhouse was smiling as though she was hosting tea with the queen.

"So, Mr. Northman, are you friends with Mr. Compton?" Hardly.

"Not exactly. We're acquainted though. You could say I'm his superior."

Her smile continued to brighten her face. "Out of curiosity, what were you up to during the Civil War?"

I snorted, and Sookie called from the back of the house 'warned ya'.

"I assume you mean the _American_ Civil War?"

She blushed. "_How embarrassing_. That's pretty vain of me, isn't it? Yes. The _American_ Civil War."

"I was on the other side of the world at the time. I spent several years in St. Petersburg."

"Oh that sounds lovely! What was that like?"

"Not what I would call peaceful. Russia was having its own growing pains at the time."

"Of course. Emancipation Reform, right? It was like a worldwide neighborhood brawl. Everyone fighting themselves."

I nodded, impressed by her curiosity and knowledge. Before I had the chance to elaborate, Sookie returned from the back of the house in her 'something more comfortable'. Very short shorts, and a simple t-shirt. She unceremoniously sat on the sofa next to me, pulling her legs up to sit on her knees.

"Alright Gran, leave the man alone. He's here to help. Stick to poking Bill with a stick." 'Man'?

"I don't mind. I prefer her questions to the nonsensical ones I usually hear."

She smiled at me sympathetically. "Coffins, capes, Dracula, Lestat?"

"Sadly."

Her grandmother blurted, "That's absurd! They'd really waste your time like that? Those questions can get answered on that internet thing! I'd rather hear about what it was like to be around back then. Lestat! Pish tosh! Anne Rice and her smut."

Sookie giggled. "Gran, you read every word of 'smut' she wrote."

The woman laughed. "And I enjoyed it, but fiction is an imagination on paper." It felt very strange to like a Human, but Adele Stackhouse was growing on me.

Sookie lifted her hand from the back of the couch and patted my shoulder. "You sure I can't interest you in a blood?"

I found it nearly impossible to behave, but somehow managed to gracefully decline and opted for the 'mystery' at hand as a topic for conversation.

As Sookie rattled on about the few details of the murders she knew, Adele Stackhouse listened carefully. I had a few questions, but nothing about the crimes stood out.

"From what you're telling me it sounds as though the killer is targeting women for being with Vampires. Perhaps a variety of hate crime."

They both nodded.

"And since your brother has known them, seen their markings, it would make sense for him to be a suspect. Unless there's someone else who was with both of them..."

They nodded again and my attention was drawn to the vehicle making its way toward the house, blaring absurd hillbilly strain.

I was very interested in how Sookie seemed to notice the approach almost as soon as I did... How much of Compton's blood had she been given?

She left the sofa and went to stand by the door groaning, "_Oh Lord, Gran…_ where was he when you called him?"

"Merlotte's with his friends. Why?"

Sookie made an annoyed hiss. "Because that idiot is drunk as a skunk."

Sookie had my undivided attention.

How could she possibly sense that? Her brother wasn't even out of his truck yet.

I'd given myself away. My interest was written all over my face…

Knowing she'd inadvertently said something noticeable caused fear in her for the first time tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 2**

**The Cure**

Jason Stackhouse stumbled into the house, nearly knocking Sookie over with the door in the commotion.

Sookie had been impossibly accurate about his state. 'Drunk as a skunk' had been fitting considering his nearly toxic odor.

"Gran! What's wrong? Who's this guy?"

"Nothing's wrong, Jason. Have a seat."

"You said someone was trying to get into the house. You said you needed help."

She smiled at him. "You must've misunderstood me, baby. I said someone was on the way _**to**_ the house… _**to**_ help."

As she led her grandson to his chair, she winked at me. That sly old woman had lied to her grandson, knowing he'd ignore her if it hadn't been an 'emergency'.

He stared at me, bewildered and Sookie resumed her perch next to me.

"So who is he? What does he want?"

"I'm Eric Northman. Your sister brought your situation to my attention. My primary interest is damage control. It won't matter who the killer is if the press catches wind of the murders. It'll become about Vampire _subculture_."

"So you give two shits about the women that are dead?!"

Mrs. Stackhouse swatted at her grandson and told him to mind his manners.

I sat forward, leaning my elbows on my knees and doing my best to not palm his head and cave it in. "Mr. Stackhouse, you're the one with a vested interest in these women. Their deaths very much make you look responsible. Your concern should lie in that I typically have very little patience for Humans. Now, do you know anything about the Vampire …" I looked to Sookie for a reminder.

"Maudette."

"Thank you… Do you have any information about the Vampire Maudette was with?"

"Uh… There was a video. Maudette liked to tape… _it_. He has a tattoo on his head… _up his neck,_ onto his head."

The only fool that fit that description was…

Sookie blurted, "Liam!?"

Again, Sookie took me by surprise. "You know him?"

She nodded angrily. "Unfortunately. I met Malcolm, Dian and Liam at Bill's. They're vicious. The stereotype."

She was painfully right about that. Not only were they cliché, but they prided themselves on the fact.

"They've been spending time in Bon Temps?"

"I'm not so sure about that. Bill would be the one to ask. Malcolm mentioned Monroe. I think they were just welcoming Bill to the neighborhood."

"Regrettably, identifying him does no good. If he were the killer, strangulation would have been but an appetizer."

Sookie nodded in agreement. "I can't imagine he'd leave much to identify. Maudette and Dawn were just strangled."

The drunk jolted to his feet, irate and spitting. "_**APPETIZER!? JUST STRANGLED!?**_"

I didn't budge as I ordered, "Sit down."

He blinked quickly, erratically and finally flopped back onto his seat.

"Since you're the only one known to have bedded both women, did you mention their bite marks to anyone else?"

"Why me? Who says that this Liam Vamp ain't the one to do 'em both?"

"Because as a rule Vampires are better at cleaning up after themselves. If the victims knew something damaging to the Vampire they were with, they would have simply been glamoured."

"You would know, right?!"

Sookie patted my knee, ignoring the ill mannered accusation more easily then I had. "What if they couldn't be glamoured?"

"All Humans can be glamoured."

"I can't."

"You… _You can't?_ How are you sure?" _My, my, my…_ The plot thickens.

She shrugged with a proud grin on her face. "I asked Bill to try."

"And nothing?" I was staring.

"Well, I could feel him try, but it didn't work."

As inept as Compton is, he could surly glamour. "That isn't typical."

Her brother interrupted, rather _erupted_ again. "Sookie! How do you know **he** isn't the killer?"

"_GEEZ LOUISE!_ Because I walked into his bar looking for information! If he was the killer, I would have been drained and dumped in the woods along the highway. Instead, he took time out of his life to sit here and get accused of murder by the only suspect in a double homicide after being cross examined about feudal Russia! It doesn't matter why he's interested, shut up and be thankful! DAMN!" She was nothing if not perceptive… and captivating.

We needed to get back on track. "Mr. Stackhouse? The marks… Did you mention them to anyone?"

"I… I… might have mentioned them to my friends."

"How chivalrous. Which friends?"

He squirmed, avoiding the topic and I watched Sookie lean forward, tilting her head as though she was correcting an antenna.

Jason Stackhouse shouted, "STOP THAT!"

She gave him an angry look before she jerked her head to face me. "Can I talk to you alone for a minute?"

"Oh no! That's none of his business! You stop doing that! You promised!"

I'd barely had the chance to tell her yes before she took my hand and led me to the front porch, chiding over her shoulder, "Shut your mouth Jason. It's for your own good. If you get out of your seat, he'll glamour you back into it."

I was staring again. "What was that?"

She rolled her eyes and heaved out a deep breath. "I can read minds."

I was still staring, but now in disbelief. "What am I thinking?"

"That I'm insane, but I don't have to be a mind reader to know that. I can't hear Vampires' thoughts." She punctuated the end of her statement with a wide smile.

"You can't read my mind, but you can read Humans' minds."

She nodded. "Jason was bragging on his… _conquests_ to his buddies on the road crew. Hoyt and Rene."

"Is that why you can't be glamoured?"

She shrugged again. "I'm new to it. If you don't believe me, try for yourself."

I stared at her, wanting to take the bait too much for my taste. "What if I choose to glamour you to do something in poor taste?"

She raised her eyebrow and tilted her head to the side. "Then you're less likely to get a yes when you finally ask me out."

"You're very cheeky."

"So I'm told."

I started, unable to ignore the invitation. As I pushed harder, she rocked onto her hip, crossing her arms and grinning. "Are you even trying?"

"Unbelievable!"

She giggled and rocked to her other hip. "It feels like the carbonation in a soda. Little bubbles. What were you trying to get me to do?"

"Simply lift your arms. How? I've never…"

"I don't know. The locals call me 'Crazy Sookie' because I usually have a big fake grin on my face to hide my reactions to what goes through people's minds."

"You're quite serious. Everyone in town knows?"

"Not really. Most everyone just thinks I'm a nut."

"I'm anxious to see you do it."

"Mr. Northman, _the murders_."

I laughed at myself for being so preoccupied by her. "Questioning the two friends would be in his best interest."

"The police wouldn't question them, _not on my suggestion anyway_."

"Could you pick through their thoughts?"

"It's more like a live radio broadcast."

"So they would have to be _actively_ thinking about the killings."

"Yeah."

"How do you think that might be achieved?"

"Ooooh. That's the $64,000 question. We'd have to think of a way to bait them."

Less interested in the murders than I was her, I decided to play. I took a step towards her, licking my lips. "What are you suggesting?"

She laughed. Our faces inches apart and she was unfazed. "I'm not planning on putting myself at the end of that hook, thanks."

"Hmmm. Fair enough." I didn't back away, testing to see if she would.

"I'd feel guilty if someone else was bait and things didn't go well though."

"Miss Stackhouse, are you _asking_ me to bite you?"

I let my fangs down with a smirk and she giggled. _Giggled?_ "How long have you been perfecting that smile of yours? _You're a flirt._" Such sass.

"A very long time. You didn't answer my question."

"I figured it was redundant. Would you be willing to glamour my brother to make sure he brings Hoyt and Rene to Merlotte's tomorrow night. I could listen in to their thoughts. Have Bill visit, maybe just talking to him might get an anti-fangbanger brain spinning."

"And if it works you could be strangled in the parking lot before I have the chance to ask you on that date."

"I might be safe if there was a really strong vampire there to make sure I get home safely."

"That might be a good idea."

"Good. I'll call Bill in just a bit." She wiggled her eyebrows at me and turned to go back inside.

Mmmmm. It was a good thing she couldn't read Vampires' minds. I reached for her, wrapping my arm around her waist and pulling her to me. Her playful gasp was practically musical and I put my mouth to her ear. "What if there was another volunteer for the job?"

More surprising than her lack of resistance, was the amazing feel of her arm as it laid over mine across her ribs. "I'll have to consider all the applications. Do you always have such a hard time focusing?"

Never.

As I was finishing Jason Stackhouse's glamour, there was a knock on the door.

Sookie rolled her eyes and huffed as she got up from her seat next to me. "That'd be Bill since anyone else would've had the manners to not come by at 3am."

"How did he get here?" I'd have heard a car, so would Sookie for that matter.

"He walked. He lives on the other side of the cemetery…" Lovely. "Do you need to talk to him? Or can I just apologize for ditching him and send him home?"

"I should speak to him." Even if he was the last thing I wanted to deal with.

Her brother got up in an annoyed bluster announcing he wasn't in the mood for 'Vampire Bill'. I watched him leave through the front door, shoving past Bill Compton and leaving the uppity asshole at an open door and glaring at me.

When Mrs. Stackhouse stood, I remembered the stale human custom and joined her. She smiled and put her hand in the middle of my chest. "Mr. Northman, you may never know how much I appreciate your help. Thank you. I'm grateful even if my grandson is too pig headed to be. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to retire my old bones."

So help me, I smiled. "My pleasure, Mrs. Stackhouse. Will I see you tomorrow night when I bring your granddaughter home?"

She laughed. "You should hope not." She winked and began her slow, stiff journey towards her room.

Absolutely fascinating.

"Hey there, Bill. Come on in..." Sookie closed the door behind him. "…I'd offer you a True Blood, but you're looking pretty _pink_."

"Sookie, are you alright?"

She gave him a confused scowl and shook her head. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Brilliant that he was, he shot a dirty look in my direction. "After Pam took you…"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "When we were done in his office we came to get you, but you were surrounded with dinner options." And he wasn't worried enough to call her over the last 2 hours. He showed no concern until he saw my car parked in the yard. _And I thought I'd be bored all night_.

"Sookie, I told you…"

"Hush. It's fine. Mr. Northman got me home just fine and we've already worked some things out for finding the killer…" She turned to me and smiled. I was just amused that she told him to hush and he obeyed her. "Do you need a minute?"

I shook my head so she offered Bill a seat and sat next to me on the couch again. "Bill."

"Eric."

"How often have you seen Malcolm and his nest?"

He scowled at Sookie as he answered. "They've called on me twice."

"Are they still nesting in Monroe?"

"To the best of my knowledge."

Good. Since Malcolm wasn't trying to inch back towards Shreveport, on to more pressing matters…

"Is there a reason you escorted Miss Stackhouse to Fangtasia to interrogate my customers about dead fangbangers without announcing yourself?"

"You weren't available when we arrived."

"Pam was available. She was at the door tonight."

"We… I… We were already at the bar when I noticed your absence. I was about to ask to see you when Pam seized Sookie."

The look he gave Sookie was scathing, as though he was blaming her for his poor etiquette.

"I see, and when you felt her leave, how did you presume she was getting home?" The look on his face was priceless. "She's had your blood. You were perfectly aware there was a growing distance."

Sookie tensed next to me, confirming my suspicion. He hadn't told her about the side effect of having a Vampire's blood.

Bill spat, _"YOU TOLD HIM!?"_

I didn't give her the chance to defend herself. "She told me that you healed her. It's neither here nor there. The point is you ignored custom with your reason for being at Fangtasia and again by not checking in with me when you arrived in my area. Consider this a warning."

"I was still in my grace period. I haven't been here for two weeks yet." _Whining_. Even if it wasn't a surprise, it was still galling.

"And you came to my place of business as a gypsy. You know too well you should have told Pam your intentions and, at least, mentioned you needed an audience."

"I told you…"

"I'm your Sherriff. _YOU_ don't tell _ME_ anything."

"I didn't think it would hurt to let her speak to Long Shadow. He wouldn't have told her anything damming. I didn't think any of you would tell her anything. I was just humoring her."

Sookie made an angry noise in her throat that sounded a bit like a farm animal. "Mr. Northman, are you done discussing?"

I had to try not to laugh. "Quite."

She huffed and rolled her eyes. "Bill, your invitation is _**SO**_ rescinded, jackass!"

Bill foolishly tried to resist as he was drawn out of his chair and back to the door and she stayed a safe distance away. "Sookie!?"

"Be quiet. Gran's trying to rest."

"_Sookie_?" He lingered just past the threshold of the door.

"Seriously Bill, _you were placating me?_ When I'm worried that my brother might go to jail for murders he didn't commit? Watch your nose. Swinging door."

"Don't you look at me like that."

I almost laughed. I was trying to seem sympathetic. "Like what?"

"Like you feel sorry for me. _Faker_. You had fun making him look like a jerk."

I stared at her affronted that a Human was chiding me and once again amused that she was so outspoken.

"He didn't need your help. I was already angry he hadn't bothered checking on me all this time after I was yanked out of my chair… Are you going to finish spilling the beans about this mysterious blood thing?"

"It's not terribly complicated. Once you have a Vampire's blood he can sense you, your feelings, and encourage them to an extent."

She raised an eyebrow. "_Encourage?_"

"Since you've had his blood, if he wants you to, say… _want him_, he can influence your dreams, how you react to his touch. Since you're angry at him, he may be able to bring on your speedy forgiveness."

"_Oh, not now he won't!_"

I laughed.

"The only thing keeping me from shooting him right now is that he gave me his blood to save my life."

"He'd heal."

"It would hurt like hell though, right?"

I laughed again. "And make him really angry. Not a wise decision."

"_Ahhhhh… Speaking of 'wise decisions'_… You gotta go." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder towards the door.

I smiled leaving my seat and closed the distance between us. "Will you come with me?"

She snorted, "No."

"Just to my car. There could be drainers out there." I batted my eyes at her. "_You promised_."

She laughed through her nose. "That right there is why _**you**_ are leaving. Come on, flirt."

I stood in the doorframe and waited for her to get all the way to the driver's side, laughing as she stopped and hunched down pretending to be on alert.

She gave me a playful smile and whispered, "The coast is clear, Mr. Northman."

I sped over to her, wedging myself between her and my car and matched her quiet tone. "How can you be sure?"

"Because Bill is managing just fine in the cemetery."

I looked over and that son of a bitch was skulking back into the shadows. "Not good enough. Leave."

We both watched, waiting until he was completely out of sight. "He's scared of you."

"He should be."

"Is it because of your position or are you that much stronger?"

"Both."

She giggled, bringing my attention back to her.

"Mind if I ask a question?"

She shrugged. "Shoot."

"Why is it you don't seem to be? Scared, that is."

"Should I be?"

"Yes. Most people are."

"Why?"

"The obvious reason. I could very easily hurt you."

"Do you _want_ to?"

"Of course not."

She tilted her head and furrowed her brow. "Well then… I'm not sure I get it."

"I could kill you."

She smirked up at me. "Anyone could kill me. Just because you're strong doesn't mean you would."

"How incredibly naïve of you."

"I could kill you too."

"That's your argument? Miss Stackhouse, It would be much more difficult for you to hurt me."

"More difficult, but not impossible. I can't afford to be afraid of Vampires. It's the only peace I get."

"The only peace?"

"My disability. The mind reading thing. I can't hear you so I can relax. I don't have to block your thoughts."

"This ability of yours has me very curious."

She giggled. "Curious is an improvement from the standard repulsion."

"Repulsion? You're serious?"

"You're curious because you know you don't have to worry. How would you feel if you found out you had no privacy? That I could hear your every thought?"

"Every thought? Your ability is that strong?"

"I've always had it. School was a nightmare because I couldn't concentrate. It's easier, louder when I'm touching the person. There are a few folks, like my boss that are harder, but 99% of the time I hear every single word that goes through a person's mind and quite a few mental images."

"Explaining why you call it a disability."

She nodded. "I thought about trying to put it to good use, but who'd believe me?"

"Well, with the right tactics you may be able to put your ability to good use tomorrow night."

Sookie gave me a flirtatious smirk. "Tactics?"

"Yes. I believe that Compton's friendship would have already made you a target so simply _talking_ to a Vampire wouldn't entice a killer's ire."

"_Oh really?_ So what are you suggesting, Mr. Northman?"

"That you flirt with me."

"Me? I'd only embarrass myself. It would be like playing chopsticks for Beethoven!" _…And she made me laugh. Years. Long ones._

"I could help you. It's only fair since you've protected me."

"It's getting late. You'll have to make it a quick lesson."

I lifted my hand to tuck a section of hair behind her ear, then ran my finger down the side of her neck slowly as a spoke. "I think if you really want to sell it, you shouldn't be afraid of casual touching."

I could hear her pulse quickening as my touch crossed her collar bone. "I could get confused. What if I cross a line?" One could hope.

"I very much doubt you could cross any line I might have."

She smiled, taking my hand just before my finger reached her already pert nipple. "That makes me feel better. Good night, Mr. Northman." She pulled my hand to her mouth and kissed my palm.

I watched her bounce all the way into her house, and listened for her to lock the bolt…

I'd hate for anything to happen to my little cure to boredom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 3**

**The Dinner Shift**

The agonizingly long drive out to the tiny backwater of Bon Temps was made more unbearable by my child.

Pamela had chosen tonight as her night away from the bar and was less than pleased when I explained she'd have to fill in for me. She had no intentions of disobeying me, but making sure I know how displeased she was with my orders seemed to dilute her mood. She bemoaned and cursed at me in six languages for nearly 20 minutes of my drive.

The putrid stench of fried food hung heavily over the parking lot of Merlotte's Bar & Grill and if not for the saucy blond within that held the unexplainable ability to amuse me, I'd have left in a phantom heartbeat.

No sooner than I stepped inside, I noticed Sookie. More accurately, my attention was drawn to her as she cheerfully took an order for a group of customers.

As the crowd inside slowly registered I was a Vampire, the dining room fell to a hush and Sookie turned to give me a bright smile for a moment before giving her attention back to her table.

When done, she turned and almost ran over to me, throwing her arms around my neck and kissing my cheek. She whispered, "That was the sweetest thing… I could've cried when she opened it. Thank you."

"She liked it?"

"Are you kidding? She even wants to frame the note you wrote."

I found myself obscenely pleased…

I'd simply taken a copy of The Innocents Abroad from my study and sent it with a 'thank you' to Adele Stackhouse. She'd proven herself to be a very interesting person. A rarity. I excused my behavior by reminding myself sending a gift to a gracious hostess was a custom older than even me.

"She doesn't mind that I'm using her to flirt with you?"

Sookie laughed against my neck, causing an enjoyable chill. "No, I don't think she minds one bit. Neither do I, for that matter. She was half way through it when I left for work."

She released my shoulders and stood in front of me, straightening herself and clearing her throat. "Ok. Message delivered. _Since that's out of the way_…" She reached up again, putting her delicate hands on either side of my face and pulling me down to kiss me. Her full, sweet lips warmed mine and it was over far too quickly. "That was for my flowers. Thank You."

"You're _very_ welcome. What will you do if I send a car?"

She smiled with her eyes, blushing. "Cherish your note and send it back. Flashy doesn't do it for me." That was very good to know, indeed.

"Now that you've attacked a large vampire, everyone is staring, Miss Stackhouse."

She giggled and spun around flapping her hands in the air. "Y'all mind your business! Go back to your dinner."

She seated me in a booth near the back of the restaurant so I could be facing the door and leaned over the table to whisper. "I'm going to bring you a True Blood…"

"No thank you."

She leaned closer, touching her cheek to mine. "Unless you're going to sit back here with your fangs out, you'll need something to make you look like a Vampire. Hoyt and Rene might not be able to notice like I can."

Shrewd thinking on her part, but… "You can see a difference?"

"I can."

"Describe it."

"It's a bit like… mmm, maybe a milky phosphorescence. Does that make sense?"

I had to ignore the unique urge her hum had given me to appreciate she saw Vampires as other Vampires do. "You're incredible."

Her soft laugh made the urge harder to deny. "So since you're going to be sipping on a True Blood, what type would you like? Sam stocks O-negative and A-positive."

"What type are you?"

She let another light chuckle tickle my ear. "Ahhhh… _Speaking of flirting_, how am I doing?"

"No complaints."

That was a lie of epic proportions. I most certainly _did_ have a complaint. It had to do with public decency and how angry she'd be about needing to replace her uniform.

She set the bottle of gritty sludge in front of me with an apologetic smile. "Does it irk you to see people eat?"

I gave her a curious grin. "Not people with breeding. Why do you ask?"

"Then I'm waiting to take my dinner break until Jason gets here. I'll keep you company while I eat. Are there any smells you can't stand?"

I suddenly got an unidentifiable feeling... Perhaps I was touched that she was considerate enough to ask. Not confirmed. Not confirmed at all since I could only guess what 'touched' might feel like.

"I'm sure I'll be fine. Thank you."

I watched her. I was technically waiting for her insipid brother and his coworkers to arrive, but I'd found something far more favorable to do. She cheerfully ping-ponged between her tables, anticipating refills and dessert requests. Knowing which condiments to bring with orders and when a party wanted their bill and to-go boxes.

She had, indeed, found a way to put her ability to good use, even if it was in the most mundane of venues. Comparatively, the other two waitresses were constantly being flagged down by their customers and were looking more ragged as the shift progressed, while Sookie's talent allowed her the foresight to save steps time and again.

I'd seen a red-headed waitress make three trips to the condiment station within moments.

Sookie had been saved the trouble. When asked for one thing, she returned with three, leaving mustard and a drink refill at another table along the way without being asked. Sookie was enjoying twice the tips and turn over because of her 'disability'.

It seemed as though pitchers of beer were meditative for her. She'd close her eyes as they filled from the tap, taking deep breaths and not only did she consistently fill them to the brim without spilling a drop, but there was a fresh smile on her face when her bright blue windows opened again.

When Sookie's brother came in with his friends, he went directly to a table not far from mine.

As I was trying to control the surprising excitement I was getting from knowing Sookie would be joining me, her smile found me. I watched her put an order in, practically bouncing, and start filling pitchers.

Impressively, on her way towards me, she delivered three baskets of food and requisite beer to her brother's table, drink refills to another, two bills, and a small cup of lemons to the last one before sliding into the booth opposite me with a tall glass and paper lined basket filled with a sandwich.

"I'm sorry. You must be bored."

"Quite the contrary. You are extraordinary."

She laughed, "_Oh, you poor thing!_ You need to get cable."

I smiled at her. "You should come work for me."

"I should _not_."

"Why is that?"

"Oh, because then I'd have to sue you for sexual harassment, _Mr. Flirt_."

"Only if you stop liking it."

She smiled innocently. "Besides, at least at Merlotte's the customers are usually thinking about everyday stuff. At Fangtasia the thoughts are like a horror, porn crossover."

"Mind if I ask? _Everyday stuff?_"

She grinned as she closed her eyes. "That woman over there is trying to decide what kind of cake to make for an office party... That man over there is worried about coming up with $800 for the parts he needs for his tractor… That couple over there wants to break up, but neither of them wants to hurt the other… That family is here because the parents had a fight about money that was really about his mother and the woman is upset because she wanted to tell him she's pregnant tonight… The man at the pool table can't decide whether he wants to bend me over it or lay me down on it and the cook is pissed that I got to you first. He wants to know how I found sexy stacked like you. "

"That is fascinating."

She giggled, "_Maybe to you_. Imagine a panel of TVs that are all tuned to a different channel. All of them at the same volume."

"I understand bittersweet, believe me. Your gift though, it's as unique as it is remarkable."

"Bittersweet, huh?"

"Imagine being strong enough to demolish a house, fast enough to pace a bullet and being completely vulnerable during daylight hours. Factor in how repetitive things can be after a few centuries, and for the record, I have such perceptive senses of smell and hearing that I know what the man in the bathroom is doing as we speak."

She gave me a wide grin. "Ok. You win."

"Really? What's my prize?"

"My sympathy."

I rolled my eyes at her.

She laughed. "Don't knock it. I don't give it out often. I can't even date because of this crap."

More.

"You don't date?"

"It's nearly impossible. On the few occasions I've been asked by someone that wasn't being a pervert, they would eventually ruin it by wondering what color my nipples are or what kind of panties I'm wearing. Without fail."

"How are you so sure that I'm not thinking those things right now?" Pink, light pink. Bikinis, white. I was sure of it.

She smirked. "Oh, I'm quite sure you are, but it's _wonderful_ to not hear it."

I reached under the table, putting my hand behind her knee to pull her foot onto my lap. She eyed me questioningly until I started kneading her calf muscle.

Her eyes rolled back and she involuntarily moaned. "_Oh God, that's… fabulous_." It seemed like an excellent way to elicit a reaction from a would-be killer, but that was only an afterthought. Touching her had been my goal.

"Out of curiosity, what did you hear at Fangtasia?"

She grinned, eyes still closed as she rested her head against the bench. "Sex, sex, sex… Most of it with biting or feeding."

"Such as?"

"If I decide to not answer you are you going to stop massaging?"

"Absolutely." But then I'd be forced to think of another excuse to touch her.

"Long Shadow's having sex with two waitresses and a bar back… By the way, the bar back is going to cost you your liquor license. He gave you a fake ID… One of the waitresses was near tears because Pam read her the riot act for messing up a bunch of orders. She was too busy flirting… There was an undercover cop in there last night, but he didn't see anything. I'd still keep an eye on things though because it's ongoing surveillance. They're waiting to make an example... In general your customers think the overpriced, watered down drinks are worth the chance to bask in your awesomeness… Sex was the topic of choice. Everything ranging from romanticized Twilight fantasies to lusty hopefuls wanting to be turned, and rough to violent daydreams… There were two men at the bar watching Pam. They have a weird combination of fetishes. They wanted her to hurt them… Oh, and Roxie hates herself for what she did with you, but she'd do it again in a heatbeat."

Oh shit.

She nudged my leg with her foot. "Nuh unh. I answered. You massage. We had an arrangement."

Not realizing I'd stopped, I went back to her muscles, getting a low hum for my efforts. "Roxie?"

"I'm sure you look silly when you pretend to be confused… The fangbanger you had in your office last night. I was in the bathroom when she was. You were mean to her. _She liked it_."

"They tend to."

"I know. I can read their minds." Without opening her eyes, she lifted her other foot to my lap. "This one's jealous."

I chuckled as I switched legs. I was rewarded again with a quiet moan.

"If you're not careful, I could lock you up for personal use. I'd have no remorse either since you don't need sunlight or a bathroom."

"Who says you'd need a lock?"

"Oh, eventually you'd want to roam."

I released her leg and set them both on the floor. "Join me over here?"

She smiled but her eyes stayed shut for a moment before she moved. I lifted my leg to the bench, having her slide to me so I could massage her shoulders and back.

As I worked, she rested her forehead on my knee. Her breath, gentle sighs. She was practically purring when the red-headed waitress came over.

"_Sookie Stackhouse_, where did you find a man that can give a decent back rub?"

Sookie laughed against my leg without looking up. "Fangtasia. Go get your own."

The other waitress laughed nervously when she realized what Sookie meant. "Well, don't go to sleep. Sam's been givin' ya the hairy eyeball since you got over here."

"_Has he now?_ If he has a problem, you tell Sam Merlotte that I'm perfectly aware I have six minutes of my dinner break left and if he wants to stare at something, remind him that Lafayette wore a thong tonight."

"No way. You tell him!"

"Chicken."

"You know it." She wandered away, looking back at me from time to time.

Sookie sat up, extending her arms over her head in a cat-like stretch then leaning back against my chest.

"I want to propose a deal."The way her body felt, laying against mine, I might have agreed to anything.

"Hmmm. I'm listening."

"In exchange for one of those back rubs a week, I'll come to Fangtasia and poke brains for surprises."

"Surprises?"

"Like the bar back you're gonna fire as soon as my break is over."

"That's a very valuable service you're offering. Are you sure a back rub is all you want?" Her neck being so close wasn't something I was willing to deprive myself of. I put my mouth just below her ear, keeping my fangs in check with herculean effort as I kissed slowly to her shoulder.

She shuddered. "Simple is better. This way we can consider bonuses as needed."

"Bonuses?"

I wrapped my arms around her ribs, pulling her closer and resting my chin in the crook of her neck.

"Of course our arrangement would be beneficial for both of us, so heroic efforts should be rewarded with fitting bonuses."

"Oh, Miss Stackhouse, I think we have ourselves a deal." I put my hand out and she cupped her tiny hand into it, shaking on our verbal contract.

She hummed. "Alright then. I need to get back to work."

"Quit."

"Mr. Northman, I can't pay bills with back rubs. Besides you need to call your bar and then focus on a new task."

"What task would that be?"

She patted my thighs and started to sit up and slide away from me. "You need to think of something more aggressive. This may have done wonders for me, but Rene and Hoyt aren't paying any attention to us."

Wonders for her? _If she only knew…_

"Aggressive?"

"I suppose I seem like more of a fang-_snuggler_."

I chuckled, but the booth felt inexplicably vacant the moment she was gone.

"Pam."

"I'm at Fangtasia. What else do you want?" Congeniality would be appreciated.

"Pam, I might have a way to make you hate me less."

"I couldn't hate you more. I was vomited on."

"That certainly isn't my fault."

"Givenchy."

It was hard to not laugh. "Pam?"

"Eric, it was the first time I'd worn them."

"Are they replaceable?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll replace them."

"You already did."

"Do you feel better?"

"Not yet. What are youoffering?"

"A quick chore, but one you'll enjoy immensely. It's come to my attention one of our employees used a fake ID when they were hired."

"Which one?" She sounded too excited to get to fire someone.

"The bar back."

She was quiet for a moment, already feeling much better about her evening. "_Long Shadow's bar back_?"

"Must you sing it, Pam?"

"Oh yes... Yes, Eric I believe so. I'm firing _Long Shadow's bar back_. Ooh. I love the way that sounds."

"Pamela, behave."

"The best you're going to get is that I keep it to myself until this call is over. How did it come to your attention? Where are you?"

"I'm in Bon Temps trying to keep these murders from becoming an issue."

"You skipped the first question, Eric. What's going on?"

"Nothing to concern yourself with for now. I'll let you know eventually."

"Very well. Can I hang up now?"

"Pam, I'm too far away to protect you."

"Noted. Hanging up."

The task: Something 'more aggressive.'

There was no way she literally meant for me to be more aggressive. It would scare her. She was far too interesting to want to frighten her away so quickly.

'Fang-_snuggler'_. That was charming and certainly worth telling Pam about later.

Sookie was right though. Her brother's friends had barely looked in our direction. The only real notice was taken by her scraggly boss.

When she glanced in my direction, I gave her a nod so she'd come over.

Just a moment later she was standing at the end of the booth, exchanging one full True Blood for another with a bright smile.

"The waitress, she said your boss was staring. You said you can't hear his thoughts very well."

She shook her head. "Sam? No." She leaned over to get closer. "He was really fond of Dawn. I don't think he could've done that. _Not to her_."

"But you can't know for sure because he's one of the people you can't listen to, yes?"

She didn't need to say she saw the logic, the disappointment on her face said it for her. "Did you think of something?"

"Not yet. Is there anyone else here you have a similar problem with?"

She looked frustrated as she shook her head. "Not all night. It only happens once in a while."

I grabbed my red herring True Blood and slid out of the booth. "I think I'll sit at the bar then. Maybe being more visible will be helpful."

From my new vantage point, I could see the restaurant floor in its entirety. The front door wasn't a concern, it was the customers and at the late hour, business was starting to die down.

Sookie stopped by to check on my True Blood a couple of times before her boss made his way out of his office to work behind the bar.

He glared at me while he poured a beer and I had an idea right away of what might make him more difficult for Sookie to read.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm a paying customer."

"That didn't answer my question."

"I'm here for Sookie."

"Even if I hadn't seen that for myself, she reeks of Vampire."

"And you'd prefer she smell like Shifter."

"She smells just fine on her own."

I smiled, licking my lips to taunt him. "You're _very_ right about that."

He snarled at me. "She doesn't need your bullshit. Leave her alone."

"You should calm yourself. You don't know who you're dealing with."

He leaned over the bar, looking angry enough to be amusing. "I know exactly who I'm dealing with, _Sherriff_. Leave Sookie alone."

I started chuckling, only because a full laugh would have attracted too much attention. "As fun as this is, you should mind your own business."

"She is my business."

"That's funny. I thought we'd already established she doesn't smell like Shifter."

Sookie made her way over once she noticed we were talking. She smiled brightly as she put her arm around my waist and mine went around her back pulling her close again. "Mr. Northman, are you behaving?"

"Of course not."

She giggled. "Did you two already introduce yourselves?"

"We did. Seems he's already heard of me."

"Really? Sam, why didn't you tell me?"

"I've only heard about his reputation." He'd said it bitingly and Sookie giggled at him and looked up at me.

"Well there you go, Sherriff. I think I might have been the last person on the planet to hear about you."

I smiled at Sam. Every word she said deflated him more and more. Any idiot could tell that he was posturing. He considered Sookie his.

"You think this is bad, I'm _HUGE_ in China."

She turned her head to laugh against my shoulder, "You're an office building in China… Let me get back to work." She kissed my neck and as she slipped away, she told me to behave with a wink.

Merlotte didn't miss a beat…

"Did you take her from Compton?"

"No. She came to me."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"I don't particularly care."

"What do you plan on doing with her?"

"Tonight I'm visiting her between tables and then I'm taking her home."

"YOU'RE TAKING HER HOME!?"

"Do you_**have**_ an inside voice?"

"You've got no business being alone with her."

"That's your opinion. Don't you have something else you should be doing?"

He growled at me and threw a beer mug into the sink before stomping away.

Sookie gave me a disappointed look when she arrived behind the bar. "What was all that about?"

"We should talk about that privately, but it boils down to him being very protective of you."

She huffed as she pulled a trash can out and started cleaning up Sam's broken glass. "He likes me."

"I caught on to that."

She smiled at me. "I mean in a 'married with children' way though."

"If you can't hear him, then why haven't you dated?"

She cringed. "Are you familiar with the term 'friend zone'?"

"I can't say that I am."

"Well, he's a good friend, _brotherly_ even. The friend zone is the kiss of death for a guy who likes a girl. When he gets trapped there, there's no way being anything else will work. Dating Sam would be too weird." More than she realized.

"So is there a way to avoid the friend zone?"

She shrugged. "It just happens."

"I see. Am I in danger of being in the 'friend zone'?"

She looked up at me with a smirk riding her lips. "It could happen. You are helping me, watching out for me…"

I don't think she knew I was off of my stool before my arms were around her. "Miss Stackhouse."

"Yes, Mr. Northman?"

"You shouldn't tease me."

"That's good to know."

Her eyes never left mine. She wasn't scared even as I let my fangs drop. I couldn't understand why she wouldn't be slightest bit frightened.

Her eyes were wide open as she lifted her lips to mine, first for a kiss then to nibble my lip.

Her tongue was waiting for mine, but when they met her eyes closed and she whimpered into my mouth.

There was no possible way for that kiss to have lasted long enough. I felt as though a current, a charge was coursing through me and if I didn't know better, I'd say I felt as breathless as Sookie.

When I felt her hand pushing against my shoulder, I almost ignored her. Stopping was the last thing on my mind…

Until I smelled her tears.


	4. Chapter 4

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 4**

**Bittersweet**

"Am I hurting you?"

She winced as her eyes filled with wet panic, and she leaned more than she had during our kiss.

"Answer me."

She closed her eyes, putting her finger to my lips to quiet me. I was patient enough to endure almost anything, but the minute (maybe two) she clung to me petrified was excruciating.

My skin felt like it was crawling by the time she stepped away from me to wipe her eyes. "We need to talk. I need to go home."

"He's here?"

Her eyes started filling again as she nodded and turned to go into the back of the restaurant. I followed closely… she wasn't getting out of my sight.

She knocked lightly on the dense wooden door next to the back exit. The shifter growled that he was busy.

"Sam. I'm leaving early."

"Sookie, I am not letting you take off early so that you can go on a date."

"I wasn't asking, Sam."

He grumbled, calling me a 'piece of shit, bloodsucker' as he stomped towards the door.

His jaw dropped when he saw me standing behind her. "What the hell's going on?"

"I just need to leave." She was visibly shaken, but he still wasn't gleaning anything of her mood. Even if he wasn't able to smell her tears (and he should have been) her cheeks were still streaked.

"That's not good enough…" Sookie glanced back at me, whatever she'd 'heard' was weighing on her profoundly. It showed in her eyes. The Shifter misread her. "Oh! What!? He's making you leave? **Fine**. _I'll mail your final check to you_."

As much as I hated to do it, when she pulled her hand back to slap him, I caught her wrist and leaned into her ear. "Based on what he knows, he's not out of line." It would have been worth the price of a ticket to see the pompous mongrel get slapped, perhaps with a rolled up newspaper.

She looked up at me, holding her breath and finally nodded.

"Do you want to explain now or another time?"

"Another time. Just take me home please."

The porch light was the only one on when we pulled up to Sookie's house and when I took the key out of the ignition, Sookie was unmoving.

"Do you need a few minutes?"

She looked up and seemed surprised to notice the car had stopped. Walking to the house it was easy to see her resolve was damaged.

She unlocked the door and took my hand to go in, but I paused. "I need an invitation."

She turned enough to for me to see her smile slightly. "I never rescinded. C'mon."

It was naïve indeed to leave a Vampire standing in her yard with a hard on and not rescind their invitation, but certainly no less interesting.

She led me into the kitchen and I watched her remove a plate from the refrigerator and place it in the microwave.

She explained, "Gran always leaves a plate in the fridge. She doesn't want me to live on bar food. Did you have dinner before you came out or will you need to leave early?" Of course I had 'dinner' earlier. I'd never have managed the way she laid back against me, her neck inches away…

"Don't worry about me. What did you hear?"

She was quiet for a second, before a childlike smile tried to spread across her face. "Let me go get Gran so I only have go through it once…" She stretched up and kissed my cheek on her way past. "She finished the book and started it over."

Adele Stackhouse was talking to me before she was through the foyer. "Mr. Northman, the first thing you need to do is forgive me for my house coat. I hadn't planned to be underfoot just now."

I smiled at her, in spite of her nearly psychedelic frock. "Forgiven. What's the second thing I need to do?"

"Let me thank you proper for that present. I'm assuming you aren't much for pecan pie so tell me, do Vampires mind the occasional hug?"

It was easy to see where Sookie's genial nature came from. It was hard to not return her good mood. "Not tonight we don't."

"Then get down here... How'd you know that I like Twain."

She gave me what I could only describe as a bear hug as I imagine the term's meaning.

"I didn't. It was the era you seemed interested in. I'm happy to hear you're enjoying it."

"Well you're right about that. And I'm not above bragging about it either. I probably had too much fun telling Maxine Fortenberry all about my First Edition Samuel Clemens today. Something I'll probably go to hell for, but it was worth the look on her face. How was your evening?"

"I managed to have a bit of fun in spite of my surroundings, until the very last minute. Sookie still hasn't explained what she heard."

"I can't imagine what it is, but it's not like Sookie to let something get to her like that. Being able to hear so much thickened her skin a bit. Between men being depraved and women being jealous by nature, she's seen and heard just about anything. How did Sam take to you and y'alls plan to encourage some hatin'?"

"He already knew who I am and his opinion of Vampires isn't very high as it is. Livid would be the word I'd use, but he should calm down once he has an explanation. The way he was watching us made me suspect him for a while."

"How would he know who you are?"

"That's an interesting topic. I'm the Sherriff of the Area. Local Vampires answer to me. They have to check in when they move here…"

"Like Bill Compton was supposed to?"

"Yes ma'am. It's my job to keep them in line so that there isn't complete anarchy." Sookie quietly entered the room, taking her plate from the microwave and sitting down to eat.

Sookie gave me an inquisitive look. "That still doesn't really explain why a bar owner in the sticks would know enough about you to carry a grudge."

"I'm sure it isn't a grudge. Sam's kind is territorial by nature. He considers you his and I'm the competition."

"Sam's kind? _Rednecks?_"

That was certainly worth a chuckle. "The reason you can't read him clearly is he's not completely Human. We can test the theory if you like. I know of more like him."

"What? He never said anything. Could he not know?"

"He knows." So does his groomer.

"Then what is he?"

"He's a Were. Shifter to be more specific."

She started laughing as expected. "Were? Like a werewolf? Rouxgaroux? My boss?!"

"No. A Shifter can turn into most any creature. A Werewolf is limited to a Wolf as a Werecat would be limited to a feline. From the smell at his office door, I'd venture to guess he prefers canine."

Her laugh started to approach lunacy, but Adele was remarkably unaffected by the new information. I was more than interested in why when Sookie laughingly shouted that 'Werewolves don't exist'.

Adele set her hand atop Sookie's and grinned. "Last time I checked, little girl, neither do mind-readers and for most of my life Vampires only existed in books." I believe that was the precise moment that I definitively 'liked' my first Human in centuries. At least one I didn't want to wear like a feed bag.

"To be more specific, I'm over a thousand years old and you're the first telepath I've met. Sam isn't the first Shifter I've met this month."

Her mouth fell open and she stared. Catatonic may have been a more fitting description.

I joined the women at the table, taking the chair next to Sookie and waiting for her to accept what she'd learned. Adele and I shared a worried look when Sookie began to giggle, but she surprised us both. "Mr. Northman, you've done it now. Gran's going to want to hear all about Caesar and Cleopatra."

I couldn't help myself. I laughed. "From what I understand, no drama has even come close since. All of Europe, Asia and Africa was a hornet's nest of death and pandemonium and that was before they met."

Adele wagged her finger at me. "If you're willing, Mr. Northman, I'm making a list of things to pick your brain about."

"Only for you Mrs. Stackhouse… But for now, we have more pressing issues I think."

"I saw five." She'd gotten upset again just trying to get that much said.

"Five victims?"

She shrugged. "Well, six really. Including me."

"I won't let that happen. What details did you get?"

"He knew the first one. It was his sister. Cindy. He followed two from Fangtasia when they left with someone. It could be why you have eyes on the club if the girls died with fresh bites."

"Do you have any clue who?"

She nodded and shook violently with a chill. "Arlene's boyfriend, Rene. He told me the other day that I reminded him of his sister… right after I met Bill."

"You'll be safe. I'll make sure of it."

"How? Who the hell is going to believe me?"

"Let me worry about that. Get dressed. Both of you. It's not safe for either of you here until he's been caught."

"We can't just hide!"

I had to suppress the urge to growl at her. "Mrs. Stackhouse, now that you know how old I am, how old are you?"

"Eighty-two."

"Mmm. And did you live as long as you have by swinging golf clubs at lightening?"

She smiled. "No sir, Mr. Northman, I suppose I haven't. And I bet you could say the same. How long do you think we'll be away?"

"There's no telling. Grab a day or two worth of things, but keep in mind I can send someone here to get some things or take you ladies shopping tomorrow evening if you remember something later."

Adele left on task, but Sookie came to stand directly in front of me. "You're kidnapping us."

"You asked me for help. I agreed. Leaving you here so _Rene_ can break in and strangle you, _like he wants to,_ would be a failure on my part."

"So this is about you?!"

"If that's what it takes to get you to somewhere safe, yes."

"Well then, Mr. Smarty Pants, what happens if no one listens to me? If no one arrests him? What happens then?"

"Then I'll make sure that you can return to your home safely another way."

"How?"

I wasn't going to answer her. Hearing the truth about what I was willing to do would certainly scare her.

"You'd kill him?"

"I don't think we should discuss this."

She urged, _"What would you do?"_

"I'm going to hope the police will listen. Please, go get your things."

As she stomped away from me, I took a moment to appreciate she hadn't rescinded my invitation and then I used the list by the wall phone to dial Merlotte's.

"What do you want?"

"To offer an explanation."

"I don't see why I should care. She's obviously hell bent on letting you bloodsuckers treat her like shit." Bad dog. Bad.

"She came to me hoping that I would help her find a killer and exonerate her brother."

"So your hands being all over her was how you help? Why am I not surprised?!"

"We were baiting someone we suspected was the killer. We were hoping he would consider her to be a fangbanger and lose himself in his thoughts. It worked."

He was quiet for a moment, strangled on his incorrect assumptions, possibly a hairball. "What did she hear?"

"She saw the two local murders, three additional ones, and _her own_. She isn't safe here until he's caught. I'm taking her and Mrs. Stackhouse for their own safety. They should be back within a week's time. Will she have a job when they return?"

"Yeah, yeah… Of course. Why didn't she just say something earlier?"

"Because she was a little out of sorts after seeing her own murder play out in the head of a madman, you moron."

He went quiet again. Chasing a moth, maybe. "Tell her I'm sorry and to call me when she gets home. Will she need me to do anything?"

"No. I'm sure the raccoons will manage pissing on her lawn on their own."

"You don't have to be an asshole about it!" Sure I did.

"They'll only be gone a week. I'll take care of anything they need."

The drive to Shreveport was quiet. I would say uncomfortable considering three of us were in a two-seater, but Sookie was straddling the center console. Not only was she leaning on me, but her 'unfortunate' position gave me the opportunity to have my arm between her legs or resting on her knee so I could shift gears. Poor me.

Since she still seemed unhappy about her dislocation, I hadn't mentioned to Sookie my plan to stop at Fangtasia.

When we pulled up behind the bar, Sookie gave me a dirty look. 'Dirty' might be less accurate than to say if looks could kill, it was grateful I was already dead.

"What are we doing here?"

"The eyes. If they're aware of the Shreveport murders, they may very well be more inclined to listen to you than the myopic fools in Bon Temps."

"I don't see how."

Her mood was clouding her sensibilities enough that Adele rolled her eyes behind Sookie's back.

I reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, calming us both. "I have a plan. Come along."

Adele joked as I hoisted her out of the car. "I don't suppose it would be as sexy a car if it sat up higher, but it would be helpful."

"If you ladies have any errands for us to run tomorrow night, we can take my Escalade. That should make things easier for you."

She started laughing. "Mr. Northman, in my shape it's either/or. Either gravity helps me in, or gravity helps me out… everything else is a test."

I deposited the ladies in my office and entered the bar seeking out Pam. Without a word, she followed me back.

"Pamela, you've met Sookie Stackhouse. This is her grandmother, Mrs. Adele Stackhouse. Ladies this is Pamela Ravenscroft my second in command… Pamela, Miss Stackhouse is in need of something less wholesome to wear for a few moments. Can you oblige her with something from your stores here?"

"I'm afraid she might not be comfortable."

"Anything in the realm of cliché will do. It's for show, not a runway. I want her to look 'vampirey'."

I should have known to be careful what I asked for.

I winced when Pam returned with Sookie. The innocence I enjoyed about her was gone.

Pam had taken Sookie's hair out of the elastic band and teased it out, creating a blond helmet. Her lacy tank top was removed in favor of a leather corset and her sneakers replaced with knee high boots. Pam had done her job thoroughly enough to think of exaggerating Sookie's makeup. The only thing that remained of the Sookie I arrived with was her jean shorts. Once flirty, they now seemed trashy among their accessories. Within minutes she'd become what every other forgettable girl shows me. It was irksome.

Sookie smiled at me and spun around for my approval after Pam took her cue to leave. "Well? Is this what floats your boat?"

"No. Not at all. It would suit me to never see you like that again, but it's a fitting costume for the task at hand."

Her eyes widened, feeling insulted. "Wow. Thanks. Jerk."

"Forgive me, Miss Stackhouse. Feel free to poll the customers to confirm nothing dressed like that has ever gotten as much as a ride home from me. I'm interested in you _as you_, not as one of them."

She smiled, blushing slightly and folding her arms in front of her in an effort to veil that her ample Ds were spilling out of Pam's padded Cs. "Alright then, Mr. Northman, what is this plan of yours?"

"We need to go to the floor and play Where's Waldo. If you can find the undercover cop, _if there's anyone still here_, then we can bring him back and have a talk. Otherwise, we'll have to try again tomorrow night."

"What makes you think he'll believe me though? Even then…"

"Because the public at large knows very little about Vampires. He'll believe that some Vampires are telepathic. He'll buy the story you're a mind-reading vampire named Dian Kingsley because you'll do the requisite parlor tricks and by giving him a false identity you won't have to worry about harassment later. The only part of your testimony we'll change is your reason for being at Merlotte's tonight. You were waiting to meet your acquaintance, Bill Compton, rather than waitressing there."

Over the next hour, Sookie (as Dian) explained in great detail what Rene Lanier is guilty of. She pointed out that his crusade began with the savage rape and murder of his own sister, using her own apron ties to strangle her. This 'man' stalked women from Fangtasia, waiting outside for them to leave with a Vampire date and lurked in the shadows at their home until the Vampire left just to break in and reenact his sister's final moments. The particulars of the Bon Temps victims included that he'd used the sexual boastings of a simpleton coworker to help him find both Maudette and Dawn. And for good measure, Sookie mentioned he was unhappy with one of the waitresses at Merlotte's for being friendly with another Vampire in the bar.

By the time she was finished explaining to the officer and the two detectives he called in to join us, the bar had long since closed. On our way out together, I made sure to let them know I wanted to be updated nightly and they only had four days before I'd have my lawyers call a press conference if I wasn't pleased with their progress. It would be interesting to see how the Shreveport Police Department could handle the accusation of apathy in regards to a serial killer's cast of victims. I told them as such, reminding them of White Chapel's 'lowlife' victims and the public outcry for justice despite the women's low stations. The last thing they wanted was to have their own 'Jack The Ripper'.

Sookie's mood had improved exponentially by the time we were pulling into my neighborhood. She didn't have to say she enjoyed being taken seriously even if the price of her validation was behaving like a Vampire (and poorly I might add, refreshingly so).

The grand tour ended with their rooms and Adele excused herself to retire, stating that if she went back downstairs she'd never leave my study.

It left Sookie and me alone with only about an hour remaining before dawn. She dropped her overnight bag just inside the room that would be hers and led me downstairs.

With a distinct lack of conversation, I thought it might be a good time to cover a few safety issues... Explaining she should feel free to call anyone who might worry, but not tell them where they are. Don't leave the house. If they needed anything to call Bobby Burnham.

She listened carefully while I spoke and when it was her turn, she sighed, "I don't like this. I feel like I'm in jail."

It was easy to understand her irritation with her sudden lack of independence. I'd certainly been in the same situation.

"Jails don't have marble floors."

She tried to smile. "Thank you. I know you're going out of your way."

"I explained to Pam she'll be running the bar alone for the week."

"Is she ok with that?"

"No, but she already hated me for having her work tonight."

"She could quit."

"Not only is she a partner, I am her Maker. She wouldn't go anywhere. I wouldn't let her leave angry. Besides, I'll make it up to her. I always do."

She stared at me for a long moment. She looked like she might have been dismissing the idea to ask several questions. "If you'd mentioned that there was a pool, I would have brought a bathing suit."

Playtime. "Well, the neighbors couldn't see you if chose to go out in your underthings… And I'll barely notice the difference when I watch the security videos." I waggled my eyebrows at her and took a step closer.

She giggled. "Oh boy. _My warden, the flirt._"

"In fact, you are free to roam around nude. Welcome. _Invited_."

"You seem to forget Gran's here."

"You might too. Once she sees what's in my study, she might have you bring her meals to her."

"You might have gotten yourself in deeper than you thought. Your sexy Vampire activities might be hampered if she refuses to go back to Bon Temps with me."

"Sexy? You think I'm sexy?"

I almost let myself get lost in the blush that took her cheeks. "_Shut up._ You know you're sexy."

"Of course I do, but it's nice to know we're like-minded."

She giggled and slapped my shoulder. "You're horrible."

"Only when I need to be, but you're intoxicating… _consistently_…"

Her blush that time was far more vibrant. The compliment embarrassed her.

"And beautiful…"

Her eyes searched the floor.

I lifted her chin so I could enjoy the energy behind her eyes, only then returning since her episode in Merlotte's. "And fun."

The corners of her lips turned up. "Fun?"

"Certainly. Miss Stackhouse, you're a walking vacation."

She started to laugh. "_A vacation?_ It seems to me I've done nothing but cause trouble."

"Oh, but the good kind of trouble."

"How's that?"

"In exchange for keeping you safe I get your company for the week and, _if I'm lucky_, another kiss."

"Lucky, huh?"

I nodded taking another step closer and reaching for the neck of her shirt. "Out of curiosity, what color _are_ your nipples?"

I let her slap my hand away as she laughed. "I'm _SO_ not telling you that!"

I nodded, taking another step putting our stomachs together. "Fine. Tell me about your panties."

She set her shoulders boldly. "Why don't you just wait for the security videos?"

I smiled at her. "I could be patient if you were to kiss me again."

She rolled her eyes playfully and dropped her head back, puckering her lips absurdly as an invitation. "Get it over with." Gladly.

I pulled her hips against me, arching to her and put my mouth to the mezzo of her neck. She started panting as I moved my mouth up towards her chin, greedily tasting everything I could before she came to her senses, feeling her pulse pound against my tongue. She moaned, digging her nails into my shoulders and giving me no signs that she wanted to stop any more than I did.

When our mouths met, her hands fisted into my hair holding our faces together as she started to lose control, moving her hips against mine. The heat radiating from her was becoming too much to resist. I had to pull away.

I rested my forehead against hers. "Bittersweet."

Her face was glowing despite her confusion and disappointment. "Bittersweet?"

"Miss Stackhouse, as much as I want nothing more than to take you to bed and spend hours with you, I haven't the time."

Her chin puckered as she nodded, slow and shallow. "Bittersweet."

I released her slowly, letting her balance come back to her. "You should get some rest."

She grinned slightly as she stepped back and finally started to walk away towards the stairs. "Goodnight, Eric."

I couldn't remember a time that I hated being a Vampire more.

"Goodnight, Sookie."


	5. Chapter 5

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 5**

**Mine**

My first thoughts as I came to myself were of Sookie. It wasn't something I could control. The taste of her was still on my lips. Her scent clung to my body.

It was a rare for me to have an interest in anything. Having a personal interest in a human wasn't something I'd ever been guilty of. As it was, I'd gone to rest deeply examining everything I knew of her. My verdict was simply that she was different, _refreshing_.

I would need an abacus to account the number of women I'd used as relief, nothing more.

My sudden and unavoidable urge to protect her, just spend time with her was nagging at my consciousness as much as the question as to why fucking her and feeding from her wasn't at the top of my list in spite of what my dick and fangs were begging for. The baffling feeling was just something I'd have to suffer until I was hit with a lightning bolt of realization…

Needs were to be met, then Sookie was to be found.

Without looking up right away, Sookie greeted me from her place on the sofa, book in hand. "Good evening, Sleeping Beauty. Sweet dreams?"

She lifted her face, inviting me to kiss her and it felt natural to oblige. "I don't dream, but knowing you were only a few feet away made rising better than usual."

She closed the book and set it down as I joined her. She slid over to meet me. "That's sweet." Not to mention uncharacteristic.

"What did you ladies do to entertain yourselves all day?"

"No 'all day' to it. I didn't wake up until three o'clock and I found Gran exactly where you expected her. _In your study_. She's already read two books and is disappointed that your War And Peace is in Russian. I've been reading The Count Of Monte Cristo."

I jokingly pouted. "Is there no video for me to enjoy?"

She blushed with a wide grin on her lips. "I did as you so helpfully suggested. Your neighbors didn't notice, _but their landscapers did_. I was only outside for a few minutes before I came back inside. I have no idea what a culo is, but I can guess what tetas are and they were fans. I made some calls though." I was going to have to let the neighbors know to keep their servants the fuck away from my yard when Sookie's enjoying the pool.

"So your friends won't worry?"

"Especially not Sam. You see, I called him to explain and apologize, but I didn't get the chance. _Someone_ already took care of that for me."

I smiled at her. "Hmmmm, I wonder. Bobby came by as he was instructed, yes?"

"Yeah. Gran said he'd already been when she got up… The food was delicious and we only just ate our lunches a little while ago since we got up so late…" She started giggling. "We were clearing away the containers before we realized we hadn't said a word to each other. _We were too busy reading_."

"Could you not understand the entertainment center?"

"Didn't try it. Gran and I don't even have cable. We're frequent flyers at the library. We make two or three trips a week."

Unable to resist, I started running my fingers through her hair. "Did you stop reading long enough make a shopping list? You'll need to have some things on hand."

She turned to face me, putting her feet under her. "No. It seems jail agrees with me. I didn't even notice how late it was."

"Jail?"

"_Gilded cage_. Is that better?"

"It all means prison. Are you still unhappy about being here?"

"Part of me is, but Gran says it's just because I'm a control freak and eventually I'll stop being a brat about it."

"I'm not really your warden. You can leave. I believe it would compromise your safety to do so without an escort though."

She rested her hand on my knee, giving me a very level stare. "It's not you I'm unhappy with. It's the jackass I'm hiding from. I might not be happy about having to drop my life and hide, but I know you dropped everything to stay with two people you barely know. Thank you."

I gave no warning before I tackled her back. She was laughing from under me. "Does that mean we're cellmates, Sookie?"

"Not if you're picturing a prison shower scene." She was snickering playfully. She was chaste and still managing to encourage me with her innocence.

"A shower scene?! That's inspired!"

"You're greedy. You're lucky I like the way you kiss so much."

"Oh really? Why is that?"

Her mood became more serious as she gave me a long look. "I told you. I don't date."

I grinned at her. "Of course. You're discriminating." I lowered my mouth to her neck, tasting a hint of the sunlight from her brief visit to the yard.

Her breathing deepened, her hands hooked around the back of my arms. "No. I'm _inexperienced_." That would go without saying…

I lifted from her to see her flushed and starry eyed. "You've never…?"

She rolled her eyes as though the question was an insult. "No, but not because I have some sort of attachment… I've never been able to put up with a guy's thoughts long enough to get that far." Yet she'd seemed more than willing before we took leave of each other this morning.

"Sookie, you're a virgin?"

She moved her hands up to my shoulders, nodding her head as she nibbled her lip. "Yes."

"And yet, here you are?" I was struggling to find my way through the conversation without exposing how dumbfounded I was. She was a minority in so many ways it was staggering.

She giggled bashfully, "Here I am, under a huge vampire with world class flirting skills and a smile that could puddle a nun."

"Poor Sookie. It seems like you're a lost cause."

"Especially since it looks like I should fire my chaperone. She isn't doing a very good job of keeping an eye on me."

"Bite your tongue. You shouldn't fire her. You should give her a raise." I'd have to have Bobby find a first English printing of War and Peace.

"You should be the one to give her a raise, but I dare you to tell a little old lady why you're so happy she likes your study."

"You dare me? Okay." I started to stand and Sookie began laughing and doing her best to get her arms around something to stop me.

I walked into the study with Sookie's arms around my neck and her legs wrapped around one of mine and when Adele looked up, she exploded with sudden laughter.

"Mrs. Stackhouse, is she always like this?"

"No. _No, I can't say she is_."

Sookie was playfully snarling at me as she set herself on the floor.

"She wanted me to…" Sookie slapped her hand over my mouth, as though it would keep me quiet. I ran my tongue over the palm of her hand, but the only response it earned was a raised eyebrow. The real fun started when she tried to seem unaffected by the small circles I started putting into her palm.

The look on her face when my phone rang in my pocket was priceless. She looked like she'd been thrown a life raft.

I bent over to whisper, "We'll finish this in a while…" She eyed me carefully as I answered my phone. "Good evening, Pam. How much do you hate me tonight?"

"The bar isn't open, _you aren't even here_, and you're still causing trouble."

"Am I? What have I done now?"

"Compton is here. He's having some sort of fit. He is claiming the Stackhouse girl is his."

Sookie had heard Pam and became irate in an instant. "He WHAT!? Oh, no I'm not!"

I started laughing. "Pam, I'm sure you heard her."

"I did. How did she hear me?"

"Compton was idiot enough to allow himself to fall to drainers. Miss Stackhouse rescued him. When the drainers retaliated and nearly killed her. Compton healed her." Adele shared a concerned look with Sookie, obviously having been kept in the dark on that detail.

Pam laughed, "And now he feels… _entitled?_"

"That seems to be the case…"

Sookie interrupted. "And I let him say I was his when the Monroe nest was eying me like a dessert cart. _He knows we're just friends_. I made that clear when I asked him to take me to Fangtasia."

"Pamela, is Compton available?"

"I'll get him." She dropped the receiver on my desk and walked away from the phone.

A moment later, she was within range again and telling Compton that his Sherriff wanted to speak to him.

"This is Bill."

No kidding. "Bill, I understand you have a complaint." He should start with being ugly and boring.

"Sookie is mine. I went to see her at Merlotte's and the waitress there said you were with her last night. She told me…"

I leaned over so that Sookie could hear his ranting more easily. "Yes? Continue, Bill. What did the waitress tell you?"

"You were mauling her and then you left with her."

"If memory serves, Miss Stackhouse is free to… _get a ride _with whomever she chooses. For that matter, I believe I was present when your invitation was rescinded."

"She was just angry."

"This sounds like a dispute between friends. Why is it you're determined to get me involved?"

"Because you've taken her from me. She doesn't belong to you."

"She obviously doesn't want to belong to you would be the finer point. In fact your initial claim on her was a ruse to spare her from being another vampire's meal. Am I right?"

"She told you that?"

"She's nodding her confirmation as we speak."

"You have her? You took Sookie!?"

"Yes."

"I want to speak to her." Sookie shook her head.

"Wanting doesn't produce results. Miss Stackhouse isn't interested in a conversation at the moment."

"I demand to speak to her." Excuse me?

"And you make demands of me as whom? Bill, you need to make an improved effort to remember your place, or I'll happily issue my own reminder."

"I'll go over your head."

"And now you threaten me? Be my guest. Call her and explain that after ignoring custom by refusing to check in, you brought a Human to my bar to interrogate Vampires. You could have easily gotten her drained in her efforts. And now you snivel she is yours when you know too well she has every right to 'break up with you' even if she ever had been 'yours'. I've stolen nothing from you. She is with me of her own free will. As a matter of fact, I'll take care of filing your complaint for you. I'll call _her_ myself."

Sookie frowned and held her hand out, whispering, "I'm sorry, Eric. I'll talk to him." Her frown only made me want to end Compton, but I handed my phone to her.

"Bill."

"Sookie? Are you alright? Has he…?"

"I am more than fine. Eric's taking very good care of me. Now that you've heard that, shut up."

"Sookie, I…"

"Are you slow? Shut up. Be quiet. Stop talking. Is any of this getting through?" Sookie swatted at my arms when I started laughing.

"Are you his now?"

She rolled her eyes and huffed into the phone. "As far as you're concerned, I am. You know I'm not now and haven't ever been yours."

"There's a lot you don't know about Eric, Sookie. You aren't safe."

We both heard Bill yowl and Sookie covered the receiver to laugh. "I think Pam threw something at him."

I nodded. "She… _spits push pins_."

Sookie began shaking, laughing silently and holding my phone out for me.

"Bill, that should have been sufficient proof of Miss Stackhouse's health, but rest assured, I'll make your complaint known."

"Don't bother." I didn't think so.

"We're done. Give the receiver back to Pam and leave my bar."

Pam took the phone back with limited enthusiasm. "He looks like a gorilla when he's angry… _the cartoon kind_."

"Pamela, I've told you spitting isn't ladylike."

"Of course, Eric, that's why I used a rubber band as a slingshot…" Sookie had barely calmed down, but she began snickering as she asked for lessons. "Will we be seeing a lot of Miss Stackhouse?"

"You'll see her at least once each week. We have an arrangement."

"I'm sure I could give her some pointers. Do I have instructions in regards to Compton's visit?"

"Yes. Call ahead and leave a message. I want her to call me _at her_ convenience. Make sure you make it clear it's a matter of little importance, but worth bringing to her attention."

"Because she'll put it off for a couple of nights. It'll give Compton the chance to play nice, but if he speaks to her first the groundwork has been laid you tried to reach her."

"Precisely."

I slid my phone back into my pocket, somehow amused _and _irritated by Compton's behavior.

Sookie grimaced. "Do you still think I'm the good kind of trouble?"

I smiled at her. "He'll be quite contrite now that he spoke to me as he did."

"Are you a bully, Mr. Northman?" Absolutely.

"I simply enjoy the reputation I've achieved. Even Malcolm and Liam know better than to be so unruly."

"So you're all kinds of nice and sweet to me, but you're Harry Hard Ass with your subordinates? That's why Bill said I'm not safe with you."

I nodded. "And he believes I'm the reason you're angry with him."

She snorted at the idea. "Yeah well, I'd rather deal with the side effects than have bled to death in the gravel, but considering the look on his face when you mentioned the details, I'm suspicious of why _**he**_ didn't mention it."

"Unless he intended to take advantage of it."

She giggled behind her chewed lip. "You can stop adding nails to his coffin anytime. I'm still mad at him."

I waggled my eyebrows at her. "You should help me find something else to do then."

Adele had been a silent spectator for so long when she finally spoke, I actually felt guilty for having ignored her.

"Did you two come in here just to keep me from Vanity Fair? I can leave if you want to flirt in private."

"The general consensus is I shouldn't be alone with your granddaughter. She says you're chaperoning skills leave something to be desired."

"_Is that so?_"

Sookie stammered in embarrassment.

"Silly me. I didn't think it was my place to make sure you keep your hands off him."

Sookie gasped, "_**My**_ hands!? Off him!?"

"Unless that was someone else hanging from him like a bad painting."

I couldn't help but laugh at the appalled look on Sookie's face.

"Mrs. Stackhouse…"

"Please call me Adele. Being called 'Mrs. Stackhouse' by someone of your years makes me feel old in a whole new way." She was _truly_ priceless.

I gave her an amused nod. "Adele, the reason we came to find you… We should start thinking about errands. It's getting late."

She huffed, closing the binding solemnly and running her aged fingers over the embossed lettering. "I've read this story more than once, but there's something more genuine about reading it like this. It's like a time machine."

I smiled at her, understanding too well. "I have that one too. Time Machine… as well as most of Wells's work. I recommend Russia In the Shadows since you enjoyed The Innocents Abroad."

Her eyes lit up as she set the book down with a bright smile. "_Well_, then I have all the motivation I need to do our shopping quickly. Let's get a move on so I can get back for my date with H.G."

Wal-Mart.

The concept of someone of my worth being in Wal-mart is simply ludicrous, but that was where the Stackhouse women wanted to go.

For the bulk of the visit, they remained in the grocery department collecting the necessities for a few days worth of provisions.

When I informed them we needed to visit the housewares department to purchase utensils and cookware they made fun of me.

It was downright criminal for me to have a gourmet kitchen that hasn't ever had a crumb of food in it, so I'm told. And even though I assured them I was unlikely to ever find myself with my hands in the utensil drawer, they stayed acutely aware of silver content. Their concern was endearing to say the least. As well was their choice of scheme. Everything they selected was black because it 'matched'.

As they puttered around the kitchen, putting away the groceries I had to argue to pay for, they happily unpackaged the new flatware, dishes and cookware, putting them into the dishwasher for its _maiden voyage_. It had never been used either, for the obvious reasons.

I offered, "You should see Pam's kitchen."

Sookie giggled. "Why? Is it as big of a waste as yours?"

"Her kitchen isn't very large at all, but she found a use for the cabinets and pantry."

She winked and guessed, "Office supplies?"

I chuckled. "Shoes. Hundreds. Her spare bedroom is her closet. She has a storage unit for seasonal items and clothing she's waiting to 'make a comeback'..."

Both of them were amused.

"She detests the clothing she has for work. She orders them online with my credit card and has them sent directly to Fangtasia so they don't _sully her wardrobe_."

Adele laughed. "She sounds like a bit of a brat."

"Oh, she is, but it's easily tolerable considering how loyal she is."

"You've known her a while?"

This was a corner I backed myself into. "I am her Maker. We've been together for centuries."

"Really? I can't imagine. I loved my children dearly, but by the time they were teenagers I was counting down until they made their own lives and moved out."

"Most Maker/child relationships are similar to that. Most Vampires take leave of their Makers after only a few decades. Pam and I enjoy each other's company. We have similar manners and humors."

Sookie smiled at me. "So since she hates you right now, how are you gonna make the extra hours up to her?"

I rolled my eyes just thinking about what Pam would be hinting at as her 'fee'. "Since the fall line of clothes is so far away, it will probably involve a car or a trip to Europe so she can shop."

Sookie's eyes went wide. "You're not kidding!?"

"No. Adele was right about Pam being a brat. Paris. Perhaps Milan. She'll leave with a full garment bag and she'll return with two sets of luggage."

"Oh my god!" She started laughing, "_She needs an intervention!_"

"Intervention?"

"It's kind of an ambush. It's where someone with an addiction gets surprised by their friends and family so they can hear how out of control they are. It usually leads to rehab or a 12-step program."

I laughed. "We'd have to do it somewhere without push pins."

Adele's eyes lit up. "I just had a fun idea. Do you know what a medic-alert bracelet is?"

"Vaguely."

"You could see if you can get one made for her that says she suffers from 'Oniomania'. It's the medical term for the compulsion to shop."

I smiled. "_Oh, you're clever_. She'd love it."

Sookie laughed. "They have a support group for it at church. Gran can grab a brochure for you to use as the gift wrap."

The women were proving themselves to be enough fun I wasn't looking forward to returning them to Bon Temps.

I visited with them while they enjoyed their dinner and just as Adele announced that she was going to 'finish with Becky' so she could 'go to Russia' my phone rang. _The number was unfamiliar._

"Eric Northman."

"Sherriff? It's Detective Coughlin, Shreveport PD."

I waved Sookie over so she wouldn't have to strain to hear and she put her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. "Detective Coughlin, how goes the investigation?"

"Based on what Miss Kingsley gave us last night, we managed to pull together the files on all five victims. I had to go out to Bon Temps myself. They were being uncooperative."

"As suspected."

"Yeah, little towns like that act like it's a pissing match. Anyway, while I was out there, I thought I'd stop in to see that waitress… _the one that's a perceived target_. Just to let her know to keep an eye out. Her boss said she hadn't shown up for work and she wasn't at home when I stopped by. I'm afraid he might have already gotten her."

"Let's hope not. She was warned last night. She might have decided to take a bit of a vacation."

"Your mouth to God's ears… So the status of the case with all the evidence showing it's the same MO and the 'anonymous tip', we're waiting on a warrant to bring him in. He left trace evidence behind with two of the victims. Fresh asphalt, the kind they fill potholes with, was found in the apartment of the first Shreveport victim."

"Is it possible to bring him in for questioning without a warrant?"

"It's possible, but not as solid. We can only hold him for 72 hours, but then we'd have to let him go. If he lawyers up before we get the warrant, his lawyer could talk him out of custody before we could get his DNA. Then we get threatened with harassment charges when we bring him in again for the DNA; it's a nightmare. All we need is a match. He was sloppy with his sister, but she was a 'Jane Doe'."

Sookie looked disgusted and took a hard swallow.

"Once you have a DNA sample though, you shouldn't have any trouble convicting him?"

"The only thing that would make convicting him easier would be a confession."

"I see. Thank you for the progress report."

"I should be the one thanking you. You could have just as easily not gotten involved."

As soon as I closed my phone, Sookie smiled up at me. "Have I said thank you?"

"You have, but I'm starting to think you might not mean it."

She gasped. "How!? I mean it. Really! _Thank you!_ Bill even knew I could read minds, but he didn't take me seriously enough to help. Thank you."

"But your gratitude seems so easy for you to give…"

She finally caught on to the fact that I was only teasing and her look became playful.

"I might trust your claims if you were to… _back them up_."

"Really? How do you suggest I _show_ my appreciation?"

I licked my lips as the list of imaginable acts scrolled through my mental inventory. "Hmmm, it isn't often that I have company for a swim."


	6. Chapter 6

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 6**

**Confidence**

"_Of all the things!_ You want me to go swimming?"

"Miss Stackhouse, I intend to go swimming regardless. I _would_ like you to join me though."

She laughingly shook her head. "Oh, come on!"

I teased, "It doesn't seem like such a trial to me, but if you're unwilling…"

"Don't pull that! You sound like a Baptist on Sunday with that guilt trip."

"Is it working?"

"No. I don't have a suit with me."

I rolled my eyes at her, taking her hand and leading her to the patio door. "You were willing to swim in your underthings earlier."

She wasn't resisting. "I was going to be _alone_ earlier."

"I'm not inflexible. You choose how to do it. Would you like for me to get in first?"

"So that you can watch me get undressed from the pool?" The thought _had_ occurred to me.

"I won't watch. I'll turn around." I'd still have the video, after all.

Sookie stared at me, trying to look unsure. She had already decided to concede. "Bill was right. I'm _not_ safe with you."

I smiled at her. "We've already established that _you_ are a lost cause without his help."

She narrowed her eyes and huffed out an aggravated grunt. "Fine. Turn around!"

I choked back the urge to laugh at her 'irritation' as I turned around. "Does Wal-Mart by chance carry bathing suits?"

She started to snicker and I heard her shoes bounce on the pavement. "_Ooooh. You think you're funny, don't you?_ Yes. Wal-Mart _does_ have bathing suits… and it's a damn shame none of us thought about it while we were there. Huh?"

"Are you implying I was purposefully avoiding that particular department?"

I heard the button from her shorts scrape the cement. "Of course not. What kind of sneaky jerk would do that?" Yours truly.

I chuckled at her. "You're very suspecting of someone who only wants company for a swim."

She laughed again as she flung her shirt over my shoulder. I listened as she padded to the edge of the pool and dove in making very little noise. I remained with my back to her, _as promised_, until she surfaced and invited me to turn around.

I thought, only for a moment, about teasing her for watching me as I undressed. She was treading water as I toed my shoes off and pulled my t-shirt over my head. I had just started to push my pants down when she yelled at me. Her voice cut through the still night air like a knife.

"I never said I'd go skinny dipping with you!"

I tilted my head to the side slightly and continued to take my pants off. "What is _skinny dipping_?"

I stood next to the pool waiting for her answer, watching her glow with embarrassment by the time she thought to turn herself around. "You know what skinny dipping is. Swimming in the buff."

"You aren't 'in the buff'. You didn't intend for me to swim in jeans, did you?"

"You could have left your underwear on."

"That would imply that I was wearing some. I rarely do. I'm not sure what you're disturbed by. We're just swimming."

"You're _naked_." She said the word as though she believed she was born in a robe and slippers.

"What are you afraid of?"

She gasped and turned around. "Nothing!"

I smiled at her. "Then can I get into the water now?"

She let a frustrated growl as I dove into the pool, lapping the bottom so I could watch as she continued to tread water. Her legs were moving smoothly to keep her at the surface. Her arms drifting aimlessly while her hair was floating behind her in a cloud making it appear even softer than I knew it to be. The ivory lace of her underthings clung to her curves and gave me a hint of a fading tan line.

I could have circled the deep end all night, watching her body make poetry out of something as simple as a midnight swim, but she seemed to catch me. Without dipping her head under the water, she found my vantage point.

She pointed at me and followed the mime by jerking her thumb towards the surface. I was being summoned.

I laughed until I brought my head out of the water inches from her face. "Yes, Sookie?"

She was trying to hide her smile behind a scowl. "You were ogling me from underwater!"

"It only seemed fair after the way you were looking at me."

Her mouth dropped open, aghast at my accusation. "I wasn't looking at your… your… I was talking to you!"

"If you say so."

"Besides, how am I supposed to keep you company if you're underwater the whole time?"

"Hmmm. You make a very good point. What should we talk about?"

"I don't know... Who is '_she', 'her'_? When you were talking to Pam and Bill earlier, was that your boss?"

I considered her curiosity for a minute, knowing a human should be kept ignorant. "Sookie, there are certain details Vampires keep quiet. Things humans aren't privy to. So you'll have to keep it to yourself. I'd rather you didn't even mention it to Pam that I've shared details with you."

She smiled. "My lips are sealed." I certainly hoped not in a literal sense.

"_She_ is the Queen of Louisiana. I'm one of four Sheriffs working for her, and she governs over her own Area. Area 1 is New Orleans."

She started to giggle and for a second I was sure she believed me as much as I believed she could read minds initially. "Queen? Like all the states have a King or Queen? Do they answer to anyone? Like, is there a Vampire Parliament?"

"Some Kings or Queens rule more than one state, but yes the monarchs ruling them get to power just as Human Kings and Queens do. They kill their adversaries. There isn't a parliament, but if there's a serious charge against someone, it's answered by a court of sorts. It doesn't happen often."

She giggled again.

"Do you think it's funny?"

"No. I think it's _exciting_."

"What, in particular, is so exciting about this information?" Unfuckingbelievable.

She leaned away, lazily floating on her back. "Well, first of all, I'm excited that you told me anything considering you wouldn't get a do-over since I can't be glamoured. And well… _to be honest_, Bill is really tight lipped about stuff. If I hadn't known he was different, he might not have told me right away he's a Vampire."

"Your gift is part of why I trusted you with the information."

"Why's that? It's not like I could hear you?"

"Other Supernaturals know. Sam, for instance. You said he was harder to read, not impossible. If you were to overhear something, I'd prefer you know some things should be held in confidence."

She growled at the mention of her boss. "I guess I need to talk to him."

"Did he say something earlier?"

"No, but I need to tell him he got tattled on and I'm pissed at him for keeping that secret. He's known about my disability for long enough."

"You should know I only told you about Sam because you already knew he's different. And… _Stop calling it a disability_."

Her eyebrows went up, surprised that I'd been brusque. "Excuse me? I'm the freak. I'll call it what I want."

"Sookie, I wasn't mocking you when I mentioned how valuable your gift is. You could make a living, _a very good one_, by using that ability. You could hardly find anyone who'd pay a cripple for a ride in their wheelchair… Well, _perhaps Pam_."

Sookie's head fell back as she laughed and switched directions to swim towards me. "What am I allowed to call it then?"

"Telepathy or mind reading."

"You don't know what it's like…"

"Are we whining now? Honestly, Sookie."

She stopped swimming, giving me a level stare. "Eric, when was the last time you went for quarter of a century without sex?"

I laughed at her as I closed the distance between us. "I'm more than willing to help end your fast."

She snickered. "Thanks for telling me. I never would have figured that out on my own."

I swam closer. "You're far too cheeky to be alone and defenseless with a Vampire."

She swam back slightly. "I probably need to have my head examined, huh? I should see a professional."

Closing in. "I just so happen to know a telepath, _if you can believe that_."

"That sounds like a line. I work at bar. I've heard enough of them to know."

She tried to continue her retreat, but realized that she'd reached the wall.

"I've heard a few myself… You're very bold; maybe you have some Vampire in you."

She laughed, putting her hands over my wrists as I grabbed the lip of the pool just behind her, effectively trapping her. "Hmmm. I don't think I do."

I licked my lips, enjoying her tease more than I should. "Would you like some?"

She was still laughing. "_Lame_. Try again."

"What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"Being pounced on by a giant Vampire. Try again."

"I don't usually have to try this hard."

"Maybe that's why you think I'm so much fun." That went without saying.

I raised my eyebrow at her. "Really?"

"Yep. C'mon. Third time's a charm. What else ya got?"

I smiled at her, dumbfounded. I was at a loss for another 'pick up line' that I'd be willing to lower myself to use, even in jest. Finally, "If I told you that you have an amazing body, would you hold it against me?" I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

My juvenile efforts earned a wicked smirk. "_Oh, that did it._"

I pulled closer, pressing against her. "What did that do, Sookie?"

"With a line like that, I couldn't help myself. I'd have to go home with you."

"But since you're already here…"

Her arms went over my shoulders as she lowered her face, putting her lips to my neck. Warm breath, soft kisses, slight nibbles… "Eric?"

My fangs jumped out and every bit of me went rigid. What parts of me didn't want to be buried inside of her were holding back the parts that did. "Yes, Sookie?"

"I'm not a fangbanger." It was barely a whisper as she nibbled her way to my ear.

"I wouldn't bother if you were."

"I don't want you to be mean or rough with me." If she continued as she was, she might eliminate her options.

I could only focus on the throbbing in her neck only inches away, pulsing its invitation. I had to force my eyes closed as I nibbled my own trail up her neck. "I know."

"Can you be patient and gentle?" No.

I straightened my arms, trying to put some distance between us so that I could calm myself, only to find that she'd wrapped her legs around my waist and I'd been too preoccupied with her neck, her tease, to notice.

I growled, "Not now, I can't."

Her legs fell away from my sides and her hands went to my chest, pushing herself back. "Meaning?"

My fangs were still drawn and my attention was grabbed by her pulse again. I couldn't find the words to explain without scaring her. All I could do is shake my head.

"I've spun you up." She looked so flawlessly innocent as she said it, she only made me want her more.

I confirmed with a nod.

She floated, staring at me concerned, but still unafraid. All the while none of my primal urges stopped screaming at me. "Can you explain it to me? Is it because you're hungry or horny… Am I doing something I shouldn't?"

'Spun up' had been an understatement. I was close to stammering. "Sookie, it's all the same. It's all 'need'. You haven't done anything close to the realm of wrong though."

She moved her hands back to my wrists to hold herself out of the water. "And what's likely to happen if we don't calm down? If _you_ don't calm down?"

"I'm likely to be rougher than you're comfortable with."

"And what if we take a time out? How would later or tomorrow be different?"

"I can't promise it will. I think I want you too much." I expected her to run away, terrified. I wanted to get to the bottom of why my statement was so true. I would have lied to any other girl. For that matter, I wouldn't have bothered stopping.

She smiled at me though. "But you might be able to control yourself?"

"I don't know, Sookie. I don't usually find myself in this situation."

"Okay then. I'm going to go get a cold shower." She turned around and lifted herself out of the pool from where she'd been between my arms and knelt on the edge. She reached out, cradling the back of my head and kissed me.

She held us together as her tongue made its advance. I should have stopped her. I should have, but I couldn't. I barely had the control I needed to not pull her back in.

When she pulled back, she placed one last soft kiss on my lips and rested her forehead on mine. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

She smiled, too sweetly given my mood. "See you in a few minutes?"

All I could do was nod.

She left me there with frustrated fistfuls of broken concrete.

Four bags of blood and a miserable shower later, I took my laptop from my safe room to search Sookie out.

I settled on the sofa in the den since she still hadn't surfaced and tended to business emails while I waited.

Sookie finally joined me, smiling brightly and wearing a short white nightgown. "Did you find Gran?"

I returned her smile. "She's still reading in the study. Is it typical for her to be awake so late?"

"She's kind of a night owl. She waits up for me when I close to make sure I make it home alright."

"You're very close."

She laid down, using the armrest as her pillow and crossing her ankles to rest them on my thigh. "She raised me and Jason. Our parents died in a car accident when I was 7."

"She's the only family you have?"

Her eyes darted away as though she was hiding something. "No, just all we're close to."

"Are you embarrassed about something? I've met your brother. I don't think less of you because of him." If anything, I was impressed that she came from the same gene pool.

She reached for the book she'd been reading earlier and rested it on her chest. "I have a cousin who ran away from a rehab Gran couldn't afford to help her with and she probably doesn't know that her mother died of cancer a few years back."

"That's nothing to be embarrassed of. Is there anyone else?"

She cleared her throat and buried her face in her book. "Gran has a brother. Now get to work. I feel bad enough that you have to babysit us. I'd be racked if I was keeping you from what little you _can_ do."

"Did she call him? So that he doesn't worry."

"She hasn't talked to him in years." Sookie hadn't bothered looking up from the book. She seemed like she was hiding in it.

"If you're still talking to Jason…"

"He was funny." Her tone didn't imply that she meant he made balloon animals. It was biting.

I was left to stare at the binding. "Sookie?"

She sat up, recoiling. Her feet pulled away from my lap and the book was tucked under her chin as though it was protecting her. "Gran stopped talking to her brother because he was molesting me. It started when I was really little and when she found out about it, she disowned him. He never actually… the worst part was since I'm lucky enough to read minds, I always got a preview of what he had in mind. My mother didn't believe me when I told her so it went on until after my parents died and I moved in with Gran..."

She was shaking, trembling just remembering the trauma. I slid my computer from my lap and pulled Sookie to me in an attempt to end the story she obviously hadn't wanted to tell.

"Stop. You don't have to tell me anymore. I'm sorry I pushed you." I'd honestly thought she meant that he was an embarrassing drunk or had a bizarre interest in sheep.

She wasn't crying, but she grabbed onto me as though she was worried I might drop her.

I carried her to her room and set her on her bed gently, apologizing for causing her distress and surprising myself by meaning it.

I kissed her forehead and started to back away, but she caught my hand and pleaded with me to stay with her.

I spooned behind her and she hugged my arm under her chin. After a few minutes her trembling stopped and her breathing slowed.

After only a few more minutes, she let a long yawn… "I love that I can't hear you feeling sorry for me."

While that gave her some peace, the element that comforted me was she couldn't hear what my imagination was doing to her uncle.

I sat down in the armchair next to Adele's. It was 'Adele's' in that I might not walk into my study anytime soon and not picture her sitting in it, contentedly examining an antique tome.

She immediately closed her book and smiled at me. "Does it bother you that I'm using you?"

"Not at all. I very much enjoy having someone around who shares my affinity for the classics. Pam is a member of Oprah's Book Club."

"Oh. Don't knock it because it's new. She's helped many a worthy author get their ground."

"I might listen if _you_ have a recommendation. Pam lost all of her credibility. She gave me a copy of Chicken Soup for the Vampire Soul. It's over there if you want a laugh."

She chuckled. "I might just take a peek. I can suggest Angela's Ashes and Tuesdays With Morrie. Then again, one of them is an autobiographical account of a poverty stricken Irish family and the other is a memoir of a writer's realization that once in a while an old fart has something interesting to say."

"I've noticed society doesn't appreciate age unless there are fangs attached."

"I wouldn't necessarily say they appreciate the fangs as much as they're worried to ignore them."

I smiled at her. "Fair point. Pam and I frequently feel like a side show. However…"

"_Your bar sort of encourages the problem."_

"I'd like to think that it exploits a situation that would exist anyway."

"Are they really that bad?"

"Absurd. All I see when I look at them is how ashamed their families would be to see them act as they do. They're desperate enough for attention to throw themselves at Vampires, consequences be damned. They're just as pleased to be used as a blood donor as to be kicked like livestock." I was enjoyably stunned when her reaction to 'donor' and 'livestock' was a simple shake of her head as though she was agreeing their behavior is disgraceful.

"You do understand that Sookie isn't like that though. She isn't one of them."

I nodded. "Of course. I understand the appeal for her is entirely different. She could too easily be used though. I'm still puzzled as to why I'm not trying to exploit her, to be honest."

"Because you're fond of her."

"Another puzzle."

She smiled and it was almost warm. "No it isn't. You just aren't used to not being 'Harry Hard Ass' all the time. She needs someone like you, ya know."

This, I had to hear. I started laughing. "You're suggesting that your grandchild 'date' a Vampire. How do you figure she needs someone like _me_?"

"Who better to protect her from those who might exploit her? You've offered her a job when you could have just as easily blackmailed her into working for free."

"Did she tell you what our arrangement is?"

She nodded, smiling again. "She says that you give a good enough massage that she's already hoping for overtime… _She also said it was her idea_."

I laughed. "It was, but that's part of the problem. In a lot of cases her gift could earn her thousands of dollars in a sitting. _I'd_ pay a telepath that much just to screen my Human employees for deceit. When a real problem arises, like this situation with Jason, she has no idea how valuable her talents could be to a Vampire whose best interests aren't in the heart of law enforcement."

"She may very well come around, but you need to understand she hates her gift because the first thing it ever did for her was give her nightmares."

"I've heard."

"She told you about her mother?" Shit. There was more?

"Not about her mother. What happened?"

"She was scared of the poor thing. She had Sookie convinced that she was a monster. Had her at doctors and therapists. Sookie always did what she was told, but they'd all eventually call her a liar or a faker. Michelle was embarrassed of her own daughter and Sookie heard every time she wished Sookie hadn't been born… I'm going to guess what Sookie mentioned was about my lovely brother."

The way she clenched her jaw as 'brother' fought its way across her lips left no question as to how she felt about him. "Indeed."

"Of all the unanswered prayers… he doesn't exactly enjoy good health, but he certainly hasn't gotten what he deserves."

"You shouldn't mention comeuppance to a Vampire, Adele. Settling of scores is never something that we find ourselves torn over."

She laughed. "Honey, that bastard could go swimming in a piranha tank with a pork chop tied to his neck and I wouldn't lose any sleep after what he did. I still regret letting him get away with trying with my little girl, Linda. If I had magic lamp, Genie would bring back my babies and take Bartlett in trade."

"I can't bring back your children."

"Then if something happened to him before I find that lamp, I guess I'd owe _someone_ that third wish."

"Are you serious enough to give me his last name?"

She laughed as she pushed herself to her feet, even as she kissed my cheek. "Hale. Good night, Mr. Northman."

"Adele, I'm almost positive the topic of our conversation puts us on a first name basis."

She smiled again. "Then goodnight, Eric."

Again. Only an hour left before dawn, but far more to ponder tonight.

Business came first:

_Bobby,_

_Your list items for the day:_

_Find a first edition copy of War and Peace in English. It will be circa 1869 (not earlier). Delivery ASAP. Any antique English Tolstoy in addition. Not instead. _

_Collect an assortment of bathing suits and have them at the house early. Size 8 bikinis. As well, an assortment of tanning products._

_Cocktail dresses and apropos accessories for the Stackhouse women. 8 dress/7 shoe for Sookie. 14 dress/8 shoe for Adele. Keep in mind Adele is in her 80s. Don't be a fucking idiot._

_Dinner reservations at a first-rate restaurant for three. See above clothing options. Again, don't be a fucking idiot._

_Contact a jeweler about having a medic-alert bracelet designed for Pam. Platinum. She prefers rope to chain. It should have a 'PR' monogram. Her disorder is Oniomania. ASAP. _

_New windows and Security system for the Stackhouse residence on Hummingbird Lane. Don't be cheap. It's not like it's your money._

_Find a company to repair the crumbled edge of the pool. Don't ask._

_Bartlett Hale. I want to know enough about him to write a book. Use the usual firm._

Next… _the neighbors_…

_Mr. & Mrs. Hubbard,_

_It has come to my attention your landscapers need to be more closely monitored. As my companion was attempting to enjoy the sun by my pool yesterday, her peace was interrupted by your servants' rudeness. You may want to inform them it's in their best interest to behave more appropriately. As enticing as my companion's culo y tetas are, your workers should ignore them. Being too distracted by her assets could prove to be hazardous to their wellbeing. After all, landscaping machinery tends to be unpredictable._

_Thank you,  
Eric Northman._

After tending to things, putting business to bed as it were, I checked in on my company.

Adele was snoring, lying on her side with her book flopped over and her reading glasses crushed against the bridge of her nose. I caught myself smiling as though I was tending to my own mother as I moved the book and spared her glasses from their wrenched perch. Her age was just another bittersweet line item. She was so much more conscious and perceptive than a Human half her age, yet her body was failing when her mind seemed to be in prime. Mentally, she'd make a superb Vampire. As a Human though, I'm sure her insight was simply considered 'quaint'.

Sookie, on the other hand, seemed far from peaceful. She was curled up, nearly fetal and the bed dressings had been disheveled in the short amount of time since I left her.

After straightening them, I laid next to her, considering taking her downstairs with me for the day.

She cooed as I swept a bit of hair from her eyelashes. "_Eric_."

"Yes, Sookie?"

"Are you checking on me?"

"No. This is a figment of your imagination."

She giggled sleepily, her eyes still unopened. "Then if you see the real Eric, tell him I said thank you."

"Yes ma'am."

"How long until dawn?"

"About half an hour."

"I hate that you have to go."

"So do I." Even more than yesterday.

"I'll be waiting for you when you get up though." I'd be lying if I said the idea didn't make me happy, at least as much as I could be.

"Will you be alright?"

She inched over, pulling herself to me and kissing under my chin. "I already am."

I had to pry myself away from her for the second morning in a row.


	7. Chapter 7

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 7**

**Ready**

As I rose, I found myself wondering where on a scale of depravity I might be for considering the use of Sookie's sheets on my bed. Hers were ripe with her sweet scent. It took more effort than I care to explain to shake the concept from my thoughts.

My attention was finally drawn to the door to my room. A note had been slid under it, wedged rather since it was a security door.

It was the note I'd left on the kitchen counter before I went to rest.

_Dearest Adele and Sookie, _

_I have noticed I should be embarrassed by my behavior. After all, I've taken up residence with two very lovely and entertaining ladies and I've yet to take either of you out for a proper date. Please honor me with your company this evening. If Mr. Burnham has done his job, there will be proper attire delivered for you. I hope for us to enjoy a night out starting with a suitable meal for you both. I trust that you ladies will be able to think of an interesting way to finish the evening._

_Yours,  
E_

_P.S. Yes, Sookie, this would be considered 'yard time'._

On the back, Sookie scribbled, _'Warden Flirt, the ladies graciously accept'_ and signed it with a very provocative double 'S'. They seemed to wrap around each other. It was almost as if her initials were a tease by themselves.

Adele made her own footnote. _'I_ _thought you were smart enough to not invite an old woman along as a fifth wheel, but far be it from me to turn my nose up at a night out on the town.'_

Sookie hadn't been exaggerating when she promised to be waiting for me. When I opened the door leading from the kitchen down to the basement she was leaning on the counter, hovering over a book with her back to me. She was barefoot and in a short robe displaying her legs had a much deeper tan than they did when I had to leave her this morning.

"_You_… failed to ask Mr. Burnham to bring a bathing suit for you."

I leaned into her hips, hugging her ribs. "I already have a few."

She stood up, resting her shoulders against my chest and laying her arms over mine. "You don't say."

She smelled as though she was made of sunlight. Even though she'd showered, I could tell she'd spent a long while in the yard. "You aren't surprised?"

"You said that you rarely wore underwear, but avoided the topic of swim trunks."

I smiled into her hair, not just enjoying her scent, but the idea that she'd gone along. "I assume your sunbathing was more peaceful today."

She giggled. "Only because you threatened the landscapers so they'd leave me alone. It was really sweet, but you can't bully _everyone_."

"Sure I can. It's hurting them I have to be careful about. Besides, it was only a friendly reminder accidents can happen with a wood chipper."

She shook her head slightly. "Well, it worked well enough that you'll enjoy the security video. You know, you might be as big a brat as you claim Pam is."

'_Enjoy_ the video'? She didn't. "Sookie… what will my favorite part of the video be?"

She giggled again, a sound that was quickly becoming hypnotic to me. "Well, they made it a point to work out front when I went outside. I took advantage of a rare moment of privacy." She had. My, my, my…

I growled against her neck and she tightened her arms over mine.

"Did you get our note?"

I nodded. "How did you find my resting place?"

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't dare tell anyone…"

"No no no. I'm only curious." For some reason, I never suspected she'd breathe a word. Perhaps that trust was based on the fact that her mind held a town's worth of secrets.

"I can't hear your thoughts, but I can sense your mind. A Human mind is like a mess of thoughts and images. Vampires are like… a bubble, like a void or a clear space."

I chuckled against her neck and enjoyed the chill it gave her. "I'd wondered how you found me in the pool last night."

"Last night I actually felt you… _in the water_. You left… I guess you could call it an echo." That level of sensitivity was… _acute_.

As much as I hated bringing the fool into conversation… "Sookie, how much of Compton's blood did you have?"

She grunted. "I don't know. I was barely conscious… A few mouthfuls I guess. I guess my senses being so strong are because I had more than 'a little'."

I nodded, my nose still buried in her hair. "Your senses will return to normal gradually. It does seem as though he gave you a considerable amount."

Her only reaction was an accepting nod and she stood quietly as though she was allowing me to enjoy taking her in. "You should go get ready."

I nodded, perfectly content to stay where I was.

"Eric, you're smelling me?"

"Yes." I stole another measure, concerned she'd be disturbed by the idea.

"Out of curiosity, what do I smell like?"

"Spun sugar, coconut milk, hints of ginger and jasmine… specifically, at the moment you smell like sunlight."

She hummed and leaned back, seemingly at peace with the idea of being inhaled. "What are you wearing tonight?"

"That depends on what Bobby found for my dates."

"Gran's dress is knee length and dark gray and the cardigan that goes with it has pearl beads on the yolk. She loves it, said I'd get sick of seeing it."

"Marvelous. And what about you?"

"It's very nice. Black halter top and the skirt is short. You could see it if you ever let go of me. I only put the robe on so I wouldn't mess it up."

I thought about letting go, but only for a moment. Instead, I pulled my arm back to slide my hand down her stomach and find the hem of her robe.

"Eric?"

Sookie's hand ran down my arm to follow along as my hand trailed her inner thigh. Her hips twitched against my cock when my thumb tickled her through her panties. Lace again. "Yes?"

"This isn't smart. You need to get ready."

"Come with me."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"It's not an idea at all, just part of an elaborate scheme."

"A scheme that needs to get put on the back burner." My plan to take them out was rooted in preventing cabin fever. It did _not_ take into account Sookie's fragrance.

I growled again, fingers still tracing the paisley in her lace. "I'm painfully aware."

She whimpered. "This time it's not my fault."

"What isn't your fault?"

Without a word her hand pulled mine away from the heat between her legs to wrap my arm around her again. She swayed her hips, rubbing herself against my cock. "That, Eric. _That_ isn't my fault."

"I want you, Sookie. _That_ can't be helped."

She growled and surprised me by stepping away to spin around with a frustrated scowl. "Your timing is lousy. Go get dressed."

My hard on was the only thing keeping me from laughing at the tiny barefoot Human 'fussing' at me. "What if I don't?"

"It'll break Gran's heart. She's excited to go out."

I growled at her. "What was it you were saying about a Baptist on Sunday?"

She snickered, "Is it working?"

I heard Sookie's cell phone ringing as came from the basement ready for our night out. The noise Sookie made was startlingly alike that of an injured moose. The only thing less appealing at the moment was her greeting…

"What do _**you**_ want, Bill Compton?" Lovely. I was starting to miss him.

I reached her in the study just in time to see her to roll her eyes.

Compton huffed, "Sookie, where are you?"

She walked over to me and kissed my cheek. "That's none of your damn business."

"I want to see you. I want to know you're safe."

"I told you I'm fine last night. What do want?"

"I've just come from your house. I went to speak to your grandmother about the Descendents of the Glorious Dead meeting tomorrow night. She isn't there."

"That's because she's with me."

"She's with you… _and Eric?_"

She grinned at me and clapped her hands silently; mocking how 'sharp' Bill was and I had to avoid laughing. I wanted him to feel comfortable hanging himself. "_Yeeeesssss_."

"Is there still going to be a meeting then? Will Eric be allowing _her_ the freedom to come and go freely?"

She moved the phone away from her ear. "Nuts. What do we do about the DGD meeting, Gran?"

Adele's eyes went wide. "Sakes alive! I'd lost all track! I don't suppose… Oh lord! Maxine's already put the announcement on the community house sign."

Her disappointment irked me so I motioned to Sookie to put Bill on hold. "Adele, what is this meeting?"

"Mr. Compton agreed to speak before the group about his experience in the Civil War, but I'm going to have to miss it I imagine… Sookie, tell him I said to break a leg and give my apologies."

I put my hand on Sookie's when she lifted the phone. "Wait. If we leave as soon as I rise, can we arrive in time?"

Sookie giggled. "The way you drive? We can be there yesterday. Are you sure it'll be ok? What if Rene…"

I nodded. "You'll both have to stay with me. The crowd would offer a number of variables. You shouldn't have to miss the event though."

Adele's face lit up behind her reading glasses. "Sookie, kiss the man for me! I never would've heard the end of it if Maxine had to tend to the whole shebang."

Sookie smiled and stretched up to deliver a grateful kiss, then another and thanked me before she remembered that Compton was on the phone. "Bill?"

"Sookie, what have you been up to? Are you allowed any freedoms?"

"I'm on a little vacation."

"With Eric? You just met him."

"No Bill, with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. I've known them all my life. Eric just so happens to run in the same circles."

"That isn't funny, Sookie. He's dangerous."

"So are you."

"He's stronger than I am."

"And taller…." And much, much sexier… more powerful… wealthy… Almost made me feel sorry for him. _Almost_.

"Sookie, I don't think you understand."

"Enlighten me, Bill."

"Mild mannered Vampires don't become Sheriffs. Northman is a bastard."

"I asked you to enlighten me, not try to terrify me. Are you planning on elaborating on what makes him a bastard or do you just want me to picture him putting babies and kittens on pikes?" Adele started laughing quietly into her hand.

"You wouldn't be so flippant if you had any idea how many people he's killed. Even Liam and Malcolm bow to him."

Sookie's eyes narrowed as she looked up at me giggling. "Makes me wonder why you don't." I couldn't help but be proud of her.

"Only when I have to."

"Then why break taboo by calling me?"

"You _are_ his!"

"Gran and I will see you at the church tomorrow night, Bill."

"Sookie?"

"Bill?"

"Might I have a moment alone with you tomorrow night?"

"I'm not sure Eric would appreciate that. What do you think?" She winked at me.

"That you don't have to obey him." Maybe _she_ didn't, but he did.

Sookie's look became much more serious. "_Maybe not, but you do_. Behave yourself. Goodnight."

She closed her phone and handed it to Adele.

"Gran you should check in with Mrs. Fortenberry before rude o'clock."

Adele winced as she opened the phone and Sookie grabbed my wrist and towed me to the hallway.

"That wasn't a coincidence, was it? You saying what was on my mind."

She looked panicked as she shook her head.

"It's never happened before though?"

She shook her head again. I was confounded. If she could hear Vampires' thoughts, there was no way for me to make any guarantees for her safety. The only thought I had was to test her. I started thinking about, _concentrating on_, all of the things I wanted to do with her when we returned tonight. If she heard any of it, she'd have a reaction of some kind, but nothing.

"Don't tell anyone. We'll consider it isolated unless it happens again."

"You're not worried?"

"Not at the moment. We can worry if it becomes more regular."

She nodded in spite of how unsure she was.

"We _should_ talk about why I was ordered to dress, and yet here you are, still as I left you."

She bit her lip and raised an eyebrow at me before she turned to jokingly stomp to her room.

I removed my suit jacket and laid it on the chair in her room to sprawl out on her bed while she scrutinized over her hair in the mirror.

I watched her with interest as she opened the shoebox on the dresser and slid her feet into a sexy pair of heels and the grand finale was the removal of her robe.

Sookie needed help with her descriptive style.

The blasé 'halter top' and 'short skirt' remark wasn't nearly evocative enough… The halter top encased her breasts, producing cleavage that men would line up to be smothered in and the skirt was brief, but more so flowingly followed the contours of her hips as a well placed sheet in a Baroque painting. The dress didn't cover her body as much as it accentuated everything about it and her pumps elongated her well toned legs adding to her new found sophistication.

It was quickly becoming apparent that the only look that didn't suit her was the 'fast food' garb she'd donned at Fangtasia.

She walked over gracefully and nudged the side of the bed with her knees. "C'mon. Get up. I know Vampires don't get tired."

"No."

She smiled and went to the foot of the bed and grabbed my ankle. She pulled as hard as she seemed able, but only moved me a few inches while I laughed at her. She dropped my leg and stood at the end of the bed with her hands on her hips.

I curled my finger. "We have a few minutes. She's still on the phone."

"I'll wrinkle."

"Not if you take it off."

She snorted and called me 'funny' as she placed her knees on the bed between my feet. "This is the best you're gonna get."

I shook my head, curling my finger again.

She narrowed her eyes at me and called me a brat as she strategically crawled up to rest on her knees next to me.

"Brats are spoiled. You are making me work…"

"Aw. _Poor baby_."

"Baby? Are you suggesting that I'm whining?" I curled my finger again.

She rolled her eyes and moved to straddle my lap. "Yes. Is this what you had in mind?"

I grabbed her hips and grinded into her. "Not exactly. How complicated is that dress?"

She stared at me for a minute, biting her bottom lip. "Too."

I smiled, lifting the front of the dress. "There can't be a combination lock on the panties though."

Her eyebrows shot up as she pushed her skirt down. "You're _really_ impatient for someone who'll live forever."

I slid my hands under her dress, my thumbs drifted over lace again. "Oh, I'm incredibly patient. Would you like to hear a list of things I'm being patient for?"

I watched her face and neck flush as her eyes widened and her hands flew to her face.

"What's wrong?"

"It's embarrassing!"

"What's so embarrassing that you hide your face?"

"I have _**no**_ experience. None. Nada. Zilch. Bubkis. You could probably tell me everything on your list and I wouldn't know what the hell you're talking about."

"So, we'll have to change that." I found myself ignoring my hard on in favor of trying to encourage her.

"What if I don't like it?"

I was barely able to catch my laugh before it escaped. The idea of not enjoying sex! "What do you think you might not like?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything."

"I'm sure you have heard and seen plenty of things."

"Normally I block it as soon as I realize what I'm seeing to be polite. Besides, how much of it can be accurate? Most of it comes from drunks and people generally lie to themselves."

Her talent caught my curiosity again. "How so? I would think their minds would betray them."

"Well, asking '_who wrote Jane's phone number on the wall again?_' usually does, but… people tend to be _**very **_mistaken about themselves. Like Jane Bodehouse thinks she's a lot better looking than she really is. And there's some stuff I see accidentally that doesn't look like it could _possibly_ be any fun."

"Such as?"

Her face was still hiding behind her hands, but her neck began to glow brighter. "I don't want to think about it."

"But you read _'smut'_."

She giggled, starting to relax slightly. "Yeah, but my imagination is behind the wheel. Not someone else's."

I sat up, taking her hands away from her face and waiting for her to look at me. "Then I'll have to trust you to let me know what you're comfortable with."

"You're not going to think of me as a chore?" I had in the past, the recent past… Fangtasia. There had been no less than three fangbangers there with hopes for a repeat performance the night she was there. Damn it.

"What did you hear?"

Her eyes darted away again. "Roxie… you were annoyed with her… for not being any good."

There really was no defense for how 'Roxie' most likely remembered our brief meeting. "Sookie, she was… nothing more than relief. She misrepresented herself. I was _highly_ annoyed because what I was promised and what was delivered were polar opposites…"

"But I'm…"

"_Let me finish_. She was the least sickening of my choices that evening since I was unfortunate enough to have missed your arrival. Sookie, _you're not relief_. You have my attention. What's more, what you feel you're lacking is all in your mind. It says something you're actually concerned which is more than I can say for anyone I've been with in years. I'd be grateful if you didn't compare yourself to them. I shouldn't need to explain how blinding the contrast is. You're remarkably unique. They're boring carbon copies of each other."

She stared at me for a moment. "When I go to Fangtasia, I'm going to hear that kind of thing a lot aren't I?"

"Sadly. They tend to come back, yes."

"Thanks for the warning."

"It's not a warning, Sookie. It's merely a simple truth. You're very fortunate your dinner doesn't approach you."

"Dinner." She paused for a moment, seemingly fixated on my tie. "What have you done for the past couple of nights?"

"I have a refrigerator downstairs with a supply of bagged blood from a bank."

"What is that like, in comparison? Honestly."

"I suppose it could be compared to take out from a good restaurant. Fangbangers tend to use, if not abuse, drugs and alcohol. Banked blood is screened for health and impurities so the taste is better, but it loses something to be reheated."

She snorted. She managed to find humor in what I'd said somehow?

"So your options are sad little devotees, less than fresh 'take out', and bottled substitute unless you feed from the unwilling." Her snort had been a cynical display of pity.

"Yes."

"Or me."

"One can hope." Hope wasn't accurate. Extreme optimism would be more fitting since the inkling made my cock twitch.

She tilted her head to the side slightly and raised her eyebrow. She'd felt the shift. She finally backed off of me and jogged out of the room, commanding me to stay put because she'd 'be right back'.

She had a wide smile on her lips when she returned carrying her shoes and came to stand between my knees. "Ok. Change of plans. We're overdressed."

I started loosening my tie. "You don't have to tell me twice."

She started laughing and grabbed my hands. "Not like that!"

"What did I tell you about teasing me?"

"I'm not teasing. I'm just not in the mood for a fancy restaurant. We'll do something casual."

I smiled. "Something… _clothing optional?_"

"Jeans. T-shirts. We'll renegotiate the dress code once we get back." That sounded too promising.

I moved quickly, putting her on the bed and laying on top of her. "What do you have in mind?"

She tried desperately to seem stern. "You're wrinkling me."

"Since you aren't wearing it tonight and it isn't appropriate for tomorrow, I'll have plenty of time to have it dry cleaned and pressed." I reached back, lifting her leg to rest on my back and moving against her.

She bit her bottom lip, pausing too long. I took the moment to savor her neck, getting lost again in how her skin tasted. She lifted her chin and pawed at my sides, bringing her other leg around to hug mine.

She panted, "Eric… _Eric, we should stop_."

She moaned when I moved against her again. "I noticed something, just now."

She hummed her interest as her fingers dug into my ribs.

"You didn't say you _want_ to stop."

"Because I _don't_ want to." Her heavy breaths fell against my neck, complicating things. My fangs couldn't be ignored anymore and nicked her shoulder as they ran out.

She had no reaction as I lifted away, watching the gorgeous, crimson bead weep from her skin and begin to roll away.

I'm not sure how long I'd been lost in studying the droplet, but I finally came to the realization that Sookie was patting my sides and asking to be let up.

I quickly forced myself from the bed and stood in the middle of the room, watching her.

She sat up smoothly contorting to look at the mark, and then turning to look at the bedding. "Damn it."

"Sookie, that truly was unintentional."

She gave me a confused look. "Oh, I know that… It got on the blanket. Can your washer handle a comforter this size?"

Speechless. Nodding.

I watched her take the comforter from the bed and leave it in a bundle by the door, and go to her bag to pull out some clothing… all the while the scent of her small drop of blood filled the room.

She stopped directly in front of me, smiling. She tilted her head slightly with a curious look about her. "What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I…" She seemed to be waiting patiently as I struggled to maintain eye contact.

"Is it tempting? To see fresh blood?"

I nodded. "And smell it."

"I don't understand. Why waste it then?"

Incredible. "I don't want to scare you."

She smiled as she reached up and pinched my chin to pull me down for a kiss. "Go get ready. We're all getting hungry."


	8. Chapter 8

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 8**

**Firsts**

As we all climbed into my SUV, I asked my tour guides where we were going.

Sookie smiled at me, but didn't answer right away. "The fairgrounds."

I returned the smile and leaned over to kiss her. Then I pulled my wallet out of my pocket, handed it to Sookie and climbed right back out of the fucking truck. "You ladies have fun."

I had no intentions of letting them go alone, but I was certainly not going without putting up a fight. I imagine Sookie hoped I wouldn't already know what kind of insanity was being held the fair grounds.

She was laughing when she caught up to me, bouncing onto my back. "Where do you think you're going?"

"As far away from the Renaissance Fair as I can get."

"Don't be like that. It'll be fun."

"What about it will be fun?"

She slid down my back and took my hand. I gave her an annoyed look as I let her slowly lead me back to the garage. "Gran and I go to this kind of thing whenever we can, but we've always wondered how authentic they are. This'll be fun because Gran and I can grab pasties for dinner while you set us straight. Then we can stop at Wal-Mart so that Gran can get her groceries for cookies to take to the meeting."

"At least you have a plan."

"And an ulterior motive."

"Oh really?"

She nodded. "Right now we're both wound tighter than a spring. We need to go relax and do something un-romantic. That nice dinner and dancing you had planned would have added gasoline to the ole fire."

"That's aggravating."

She actually looked hurt. Her chin even quivered. "What?"

"That you managed to make perfect sense of attending one of the most ludicrous attractions known to mankind."

Sookie and Adele were discussing cookie recipes for most of the drive and I reflected on our activity quietly, trying to remember something other than the stench of rot that covered most of Europe at the time.

Sookie reached over and patted my knee. "Eric, did you not want Bill to know you'll be there tomorrow or was it that you wanted him to feel free to run his mouth?"

"The latter."

"But since he _doesn't_ know about you coming to the meeting… You're not going to behave, are you?"

"That depends on what you mean by 'behave'."

"Do you plan on doing that whole 'mine' thing? I hate that."

I smiled at her, deciding not to discuss the inevitability of her being 'mine' and what it meant. "I won't have to. You'll smell like me."

"So you're just going to be all 'neener, neener' about things."

Adele and I both laughed about how she'd put it. "I _am_ a bastard, after all."

"You're going to gloat."

I reached over and took her hand. "No. I won't have to. I will be a very well mannered escort and it will annoy him to no end."

"Promise?"

"No."

"What?"

"I can't promise that he will let things lie. He's been antagonistic for two nights now. He may very well put me in a position where I have to remind him of some essential truths, so I can't promise not to. My position doesn't allow me to excuse a challenge. I am his superior and his elder."

She was eyeing me with frustration, but still holding my hand when Adele proved again how precious she is. "Sookie, it's no different from how I expect you to respect your elders. What would happen if Eric let Bill get away with being squirrelly? Especially in public. How fast would it get around?"

She took a deep breath. "I guess you're right, Gran." When I looked over, she stuck her tongue out at me.

"Sookie, I do promise that my priority tomorrow night is to keep you and Adele safe. Really, if I wanted to embarrass Bill Compton, I could summon him to Fangtasia to do it."

She gave a little grin as she nodded, squeezing my hand slightly.

The 'Ren Fair'…

It was just as I suspected.

Adele and Sookie searched out the food vendors right away since it was nearly 9 o'clock by the time we arrived. They both happily ate their meat pies and shortbreads, washing them down with lemonades as they led the way from tent to tent.

The evening would have been an entertaining walk had it not been ruined by the erroneous glorification of a period better known (and more suitably described) as the Dark Ages.

It wasn't a miserable experience, just mistaken and I was dreading the moment when Adele finally asked me about the Fair's accuracy.

The moment finally came once she seemed to get tired. Without a free picnic table in sight, I found a vender with woven blankets (made in Indonesia and smelling of goats) and the three of us found a place on the lawn near the stage. The music, surprisingly, wasn't ghastly.

As soon as we were settled, she smiled at me with an expectant look. "You've been very tight lipped. Hit me with it."

The two of them seemed to be having so much fun, the idea of deflating them bothered me. "There are some things that they simply couldn't be accurate about. Other than that…"

"Liar."

"Pardon me?"

"Don't sugar coat. Don't be afraid of 'ruining it' for me. I asked because I want to know."

Her look was determined in spite of her friendly smile. "The obvious errors are that everyone is here. A public assembly like this would only be in the case of an execution or court marriage. Even then only in the courtyards of an estate. This meeting would have been considered unlawful. The organizers would have been put in stocks. On the rare occasion that plebes had a marriage ceremony, they'd do so in secret for various reasons."

She gasped. "Really? What else?"

Sookie smiled as she wrapped herself around my arm, listening quietly. "The unattractive and unhealthy would have been barred entry." I pointed out a grouping of very overconfident women, earning laughs from both ladies. "Meat wasn't served because it had the tendency to turn since salt was the only preservative at the time. On the rare occasion that food was served, it was breads or fruits."

"What about the battles and whatnot?"

"That was something that plebes couldn't afford. Only royalty could afford horses strong enough or to have proper swords or javelins made. On occasion a classman would challenge a lower to prove a point or for personal reasons. Without any formal training, the lower man was sure to die. It wasn't rare at all for both sportsmen to die. Medicine wasn't what it is now. Something that would require stitches now, would get infected and cause a slow death."

"So they played knowing that they could die?"

Her lack of disappointment was actually lifting my mood somehow. "It's not like they had cable… At the time death wasn't… If they made it out of childhood, they could only expect to live until they were in their 40s. War, famine, plague. Longevity was another thing that only the upper classes enjoyed. Women died in childbirth and men died fighting for land they'd never own."

"How did you do it? How did you make it?"

"On more than one occasion, I glamoured my way into extended visits with upper classes in the country when I was passing through. Since the supernatural races have always known of one another, we've been known to be hospitable in trade. Especially in the past, since it was just as hard for them to stay hidden. I'd stay for a month or so to gage the temperament of the area. I'd either move on or set up house. It wasn't until the 1700s that I could live anywhere for longer than a decade though, even in the country."

"Because people would realize that you weren't aging."

I nodded, surprised that she didn't seem to be picturing pitch forks and torches as our reason for moving. "Occasionally, Pam was my 'wife' other times, my 'sister'. In the 1700's good health became a trend. Pale skin became high fashion because it was noticed that wrinkling was connected with tanning. People began looking for a fountain of youth. It bought us some time. We could stay in one area for 20 years at a time."

"And now you can stay in one place as long as you like as long as you don't mind having fangbangers throw themselves at you."

"That's been true for a while now. Moving from one neighborhood to the next and staying in the same city has been possible. I know of one vampire who's lived in the same building in New York City for the last 200 years. Once the fable of vampires became popular, humans have been posing. It offered a certain amount of camouflage. Enough about that. Did you have any other questions?"

She smiled and leaned over to kiss my cheek. "No sir. Thank you. That was more fun than I expected. You're a prince for talking about it all."

Another visit to _Wal-Mart_. Another circuit around the Mecca to the unwashed, over-bred masses for cookie ingredients before returning home.

Sookie and Adele made quick work of putting everything away before Adele apologized for being exhausted and excused herself to get some rest.

As soon as Sookie heard Adele's bedroom door close, she playfully hopped up on the island. "You were so sweet."

My eyebrows went up. '_Sweet'_ wasn't an accusation I was used to. "Sweet?"

She nodded. "Thank you. You could have just mentioned how miserable the period was for you though. I'd have understood."

"It's not that it was miserable. By comparison, it was easier than earlier times. I have to admit though; the days of indoor plumbing are my preference."

She giggled. "No wonder!"

"I enjoyed myself."

"Really?"

"As soon as we arrived, there were quite a few inaccuracies screaming at me. I was worried about how disenchanted I'd be leaving you both. I was relieved when she said she wanted the whole truth."

She waved me over to her with a grin. "You still didn't give it to her though. I could tell you were holding some things back."

"I didn't think she'd be too excited to hear details about the frequent executions and plagues."

She winced and sucked air past her teeth. "Eww. Good call."

I smiled at her. "You don't mind that I omitted those details?"

She smiled, taking my arms and wrapping them around her. "Naw. Gran wanted to know what life was like, not what death was like."

"Good. I'm pleased that she wasn't disappointed."

"Was I right? Did you manage to calm down a little?"

"Yes, but sadly… now that we're alone…" I wiggled my eyebrows at her.

"Yeah, but _now_… you've already taken us out for our yard time. _Now_ she's nearly asleep. And for once, we have more than an hour before dawn."

She punctuated her statement with a level stare that immediately raised my expectations. "What would you like to do with our time alone?"

She giggled, blushing again. "You're the one with the list."

I pulled her closer. "It's quite a list."

"You can't be greedy."

I started pulling her shirt over her head. "Why not?"

"Because I want to live through it."

I laughed, tasting her shoulder. "You needn't worry about that. I quite enjoy having you around."

Her fingers laced into my hair as I inched up her neck. "That's good to hear. I enjoy being around."

"You shouldn't have told me that. I might have to keep you here; lock you away for my own personal uses."

She whispered between giggles. "Who says you'd need a lock."

I lifted her, wrapping her legs around me and going towards my room. Sookie's face was buried against my neck even as I set her on her feet again.

Her eyes wide open and moving wildly, trying in vain to focus on something. "I don't think I've ever been anywhere this dark before."

"I'll get a lamp for you."

She giggled. "You can see me just fine, huh? Nice perk."

When I took the waist of her shorts to undo the button, she jumped. "You're scared."

She bit her bottom lip, working over the thought before she slowly shook her head. "Nervous, I guess. Not scared. Not of you."

She was smiling into the darkness as she kicked away her sneakers and pushed her shorts down, leaving her in nothing but her underthings. I peeled my clothes away artlessly and she only knew once the chill of my body was pressed against hers, stealing her warmth as I kissed her.

I laid her back on the bed, inching my mouth down her body slowly and taking her bra and panties out of the way as I worked.

I'd managed to control myself with ease until I tasted her. She wriggled anxiously as my tongue worked over and around her hot little clit, letting slight moans and gasps.

When my finger began to explore her, she grabbed my wrist with a catch in her breath. "Eric, I…"

"I remember."

"It's going to hurt."

"Not this way."

"Really?" She looked embarrassed when she realized she still had ahold of me. Sookie let my wrist go, apologizing as she lay back trying to relax again.

The time I spent was selfishly for my benefit as much as her own. Her taste was as intoxicating as her scent…

And when I sliced away her burden with my fang, the flash of her blood on my tongue took me away. I'd never had to control myself more than in that moment. Her blood carried an exotic flavor in spite of its purity. It was something extra without seeming foreign and it was gone too soon.

It was for the best, her moaning, her taste, her smell… pushing my self-control any further would have been dangerous.

As I crawled up her body, she shivered. While my body felt like a draft to her, hers was radiating heat and warming me. "What happened? I thought you were gonna… You know?"

I kissed her, amused that she was so bashful. "I did."

She stared into the darkness with a confused look on her innocent face before she giggled, blushing. She covered her face with her hands again. "Ok. So what's next?"

"You need to relax."

"I'm sorry! I just… I'm sorry."

It was hard to keep from laughing. "Sookie, would you prefer to wait?"

"No!" She grabbed my shoulders as though she was afraid I'd leave her.

"Stop worrying."

She bit her lip, nodding. I reached back, pulling her knee up, then the other.

She whimpered as I slowly pushed into her, arching herself away.

It only seemed to take her a few moments before she managed to unwind enough to start enjoying herself, bringing her knees back and resting her heels on my back.

She began to nibble, then bite at my shoulder making it more and more difficult to behave myself. I tried at first to warn her gently, but found myself lifting away.

The view turned out to be far better.

Her eyes were closed, clamped shut as she gasped away heaving breaths until her body started to shake. Her eyes flew open, her jaw set forward and she began to moan as she arched towards me.

I slowed to a near stop letting her calm down, waiting for her to pull her finger nails out of my arms.

I could feel the extra heat of her blush as she started to giggle. "Oh my God."

"How are you feeling?"

She covered her face again. "I guess it's safe to say I was worried about not liking it for nothing."

I leaned down to kiss her and rolled us over.

"Eric, I don't know if I can… I mean… What if…"

She stopped talking as soon as I took her hips and started moving them. She bit her lip, whimpering and eventually starting to move on her own.

She surprised us both and by the time she had cum again, she was more sure of herself.

Sookie giggled again as she collapsed into my chest.

"You're not tired, are you?"

She was breathless. "Getting there."

I laughed, flipping us over again. "Then you may need some of my blood to help you keep up eventually."

She smiled up at me. "Isn't this something we can talk about later?"

I laughed again. "Are you telling me to get back to work, Sookie?"

She giggled. "I guess I am."

I pushed her. I enjoyed every tremor and shiver she had. I reveled in her every response. I was as far inside her as I could get without hurting her, but still not close enough to her.

She started biting at my shoulder again, pushing me. It hurt to hold back.

I growled at her.

She clawed my back and purred against my neck.

"You need to stop."

"Why? What am I doing?"

I'd almost forgotten how inexperienced she is. "You shouldn't bite unless you want to be bitten."

She looked startled for a moment, worrying me that stopping short of finishing was in my future.

I watched, waiting for her expression to change, to give me a hint.

She lifted her chin, reigning in her breathing to kiss me and then pulled my head to her. She whispered against my ear, "I'm not asking, just offering."

Done.

She was still panting when she curled up next to my side, using my arm as her pillow.

"Do I want to know what you did so that it wouldn't hurt?"

"There are numbing properties in vampire saliva... This doesn't bother you? That I'm so cold."

She hummed behind a contented smile. "Should it?"

"It's… not uncommon."

She gave my ribs a squeeze, pulling herself closer. "Even if you didn't absorb my temperature, it wouldn't bother me. I sleep with extra pillows so there's always a cool side."

That was probably the most profound statement I'd ever heard from someone I'd fucked and fed from. "You're full of surprises."

"And you're full of shit. Say what you mean."

I scowled at her, but didn't say anything.

She snorted. "You're talking around yourself. Turd."

"Turd?"

"Yeah. You're still doing it too. Is this you being evasive because you're a vampire or avoiding a feeling because you're a guy?"

"Brat."

She giggled. "Waiting."

I growled at her. "Even fangbangers find it off-putting. Yet, as it seems, you _are_ a 'fang-snuggler'. You aren't frightened for the sake of being frightened. The only break you get from your ability is with vampire. Simply put, you seem to be wired to prefer vampire. Happy now?"

"Damn. Why was that so freaking hard to spit out?"

"Because it's not something I've come across before."

"There's a major flaw in your theory."

Ha. "What's that?"

"Bill's a tool."

I started laughing. "An exception that proves the rule."

She giggled again. "Maybe… Hey, do you think we could stop by our house for a few minutes tomorrow night? Jason said he'd take care of my cat, but she's got to be getting lonely. I'm sure he's just dumping her food out and leaving again."

"I didn't know you have a cat. Why didn't you say something?"

She shrugged. "Cat's are low maintenance. She's fine in theory, but she isn't used to being alone."

"I'll see what I can do."

I was completely prepared to let voicemail answer when my phone started ringing.

Sookie moved her leg from where it was hooked around mine and lifted her head from my arm without complaint. I hated not having the excuse to stay where I was.

"What?" I returned to my place and Sookie resumed her position automatically.

"Uhhh… Mr… Northman… This… is…" An annoying little prick with horrible fucking timing.

"Bruce. What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Northman, I've been up all night… I thought at first that I'd made a mistake… but…"

"Bruce, I might not age, but you do. Do you think you could spit it out before you develop Alzheimer's and forget why you called?"

"Sir, there is an excess of $60,000 missing from your Fangtasia accounts."

"Interesting. Can you tell how?"

"Uh… I wish I could. I just… It's the numbers, they aren't adding up."

Sookie lifted her head, patting my chest with a smile on her face so Bruce was put on hold.

"What can I do for you?"

"Do you think it could be a vampire?"

"It wouldn't be Pam. If she wanted 60 grand, she'd tell me… after she pulled it from my personal account."

She giggled into my side. "Then you should arrange a staff meeting, boss."

"Boss?"

"Yup. I'm looking forward to my paycheck already."

I rolled over, pinning her. "Are you asking for an advance?"

She grabbed my face, delivering a heated kiss. "Maybe… Eric… the phone."

Shit. "Bruce?"

"Yyyyyyes sir?"

"Quit stammering. Be at Fangtasia at 2am tomorrow. Bring what you have."

I was on top of Sookie again before my phone hit the floor.

She snuggled up to me again as soon as she got her breath back.

The insane amount of enjoyment I got from the simple act practically made me drunk.

Eventually she let a long yawn. "What time is it?"

"We have about an hour."

She started getting up. "I guess I should get to bed… Help me find my clothes?"

"You're leaving?"

"Well… yeah… I mean you need to call Pam and all…"

"You know why I'm calling Pam. You don't have to leave."

She smiled. "Are you inviting me to stay here? In your resting place?" Fuck. A famous first.

"I suppose I am."

She was purring quietly by the time I forced myself to deal with Pam.

"You're calling me _now_?"

"I wouldn't be calling at all if we weren't missing a substantial amount of money."

She was quiet for a minute. "Fine. I'll pay you back."

"I beg your pardon." Her having taken the money would make things much easier.

"I replaced the Givenchys with three pair of Louboutin. I was in a shit fucking mood." No such luck.

"Nice. You kiss your maker with that mouth? Three thousand at Bloomingdale's isn't the problem. Bruce called. We're 60K down by his numbers."

She was quiet again. "_What_ is that _noise_?"

"Sookie snores."

"Asshole. Why do you always get the cherry gigs?"

"Because I say so, brat. I have Bruce coming to the bar at closing tomorrow night. Make sure the staff is accounted for."

"You plan on glamouring them all?"

"No. Sookie will be interviewing them."

"Sookie? Why would...?"

"She's a telepath."

"No really."

"A mind reader."

"Bullshit. You… How…"

"She's agreed to help by reading the minds of the human employees."

"What does she expect as payment?"

"A backrub."

She cackled. "Can I give it to her?"

"No. That isn't an option."

"Eric! Are you…?"

"Pam. I'll see you tomorrow at 2."

"She's yours? You haven't had… It's been years."

I looked down at the way Sookie was wrapped around me, sleeping peacefully as though cuddling with a vampire was completely natural. There was no way that sharing was a consideration. "She's mine."

I snapped my phone shut with a rarely satisfied smile on my face and Sookie's arm slid up to give me a halfhearted slap. She groaned only half awake, "I hate that 'mine' crap."

Starting to feel the pull to rest, I typed my day guy's list in just enough time for me to hit send.

_Bobby,_

_Your list for the day._

_What the fuck is taking you so long to find War And Peace? I'm adding to your list of books to get: Canterbury Tales. Stop dragging your ass. ASAP doesn't mean 'whenever you get around to it'._

_Sookie and Adele will be needing attire for an event tonight. They'll need something that they could wear to something like a Ladies Luncheon. Shoes and accessories as well. Don't be a fucking idiot. They should look like southern ladies, not lace nightmares._

_Adele will be baking today and needs hardware and I have none. She'll need everything. Do your best to find top of the line appliances in pink. White if pink is unavailable. The clothing and baking goods need to be delivered early: by 10am._

_Deliver a small lamp and requisite low wattage bulbs. _

_Go to the Stackhouse residence and fetch their cat. Purchase its necessities and have it bathed then bring it to them. Be nice or I'll feed it your hand. Pam has a recipe._

_When you are done with the above shopping and errands, contact Maxine Fortenberry in Bon Temps. Tell her that you are a friend of Adele Stackhouse's and offer your assistance for the meeting's preparations. Do and provide anything she might need. Don't be a fucking idiot. Do it gracefully. I'll hear about it if you come off as a prick._

_Text me with updates in regards to the security system and person of interest. _

_Seriously. Don't forget about the books. I'm not asking for my health, asshole. _


	9. Chapter 9

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 9**

**Public**

When my eyes opened, Sookie was staring at me. She was wearing nothing but her underthings, sitting on her knees next to me. She'd already set the new lamp on the desk across the room and plugged it in. It was nice to see that Bobby had gotten something right.

She chirped brightly, "Evening!"

"Good Evening, to you. How was your day?"

She threw herself on my chest, hugging and kissing me wildly. "You are too sweet for words!"

I laughed. "Honestly, Sookie? Between pissing off Pam without trying and getting this reaction out of you… I'm at a loss."

"You had Bobby go get Tina!" The cat's name is Tina?

"I didn't want you to worry about her."

"And Gran is on cloud nine. She's never had so much fun baking. Mr. Burnham brought an English copy of War and Peace. Gran's been reading ever since she finished the cookies and Miss Fortenberry called to thank Gran for sending extra help. Do you know anything about that?"

I shook my head. "Must have been a fluke."

She slapped my chest, laughing. "A fluke named Bobby. You're too sweet."

"No, I'm not. I just can't glamour you."

"So you figure this knight-in-shining-armor bit will keep me around?"

I smiled, trying not to laugh. "Is it working?"

She grinned from ear to ear. "You bet your sexy ass, it is. Even if you piss me off, _Gran_ won't break up with you."

"Then my plan is coming together."

"Does your plan include telling me how I woke up without any bites?"

"I healed them."

"How did you manage that?"

"I pricked my finger and rubbed a bit into the punctures. If you prefer I don't, I won't do it anymore. I'll just bite you somewhere more private."

"Will I have side effects?"

"None. It was hardly a drop."

She smiled, kissing me again. "Thank God. I was worried that it was Bill's blood that did it." His blood couldn't have done that. Mine could in that quantity though.

"Now, why is it that you aren't dressed?"

"Because you said last night that I'd smell like you, but right now I smell like me."

I inhaled her scent, letting her fill my senses. "Mmmm, and sunlight."

She smiled at me. "You seemed to like it, so after I took my shower I sat in the sun for a bit while I read." Thoughtful.

"So you figured that you'd come down here and snuggle with me to make sure the job is done."

She seemed proud of herself as she nodded.

"You realize that you're going to smell like me _and_ what we did this morning?"

She thought for a moment before she shrugged. "Humans won't smell it and maybe Bill will finally catch on." My, my, my…

"Catch on to what?" I raised my eyebrow at her.

"That I'm not his."

"That you're mine?"

She narrowed her eyes at me and sucked her teeth. "You know what? Sure, but only because I'd feel really weird calling _you_ a 'boy' friend."

I win. "Really?"

She snorted as she got up and started pulling on her clothes. "Yeah. And you owe Gran another tip. She talked me out of that conniption by lunch."

I decided against my usual shower, knowing full fucking well that Compton (possibly Merlotte) would be twitching at my scent, and went straight to my closet. "What do you think she'd like?"

"I'm _so_ not answering that… So, how different are you when you're being 'vampire Eric'?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'm positive that Bill wasn't full of crap about everything. If those tacky Monroe clichés take you seriously, then you aren't always this sweet." There should be a prize for epic understatements.

"That would be… accurate."

"So are you going to be 'big scary vampire' whenever we're out?"

"No. Of course not, but I do have to act a certain way around other vampire."

"But if there aren't any other vampire around then things can be, I don't know, normal? Like the other night at Merlotte's?" My hands would be all over her, regardless.

"Absolutely. I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that you must never, ever challenge me. To vampire, you are nothing but a pet and expected to have no opinion. If I 'let' you have one, it could be a serious problem. However, the line isn't finite. You'll be able to gage the tenor."

She stopped moving, frozen with her fingers on one of the buttons to her blouse. She stared at me for long enough that I was starting to worry about having told her too much too soon.

"Sookie, say something."

"Gran's tip better be huge. She's going to need to do a lot of talking this time."

I chuckled at her. "Sookie, it's not as daunting as it might seem. My position isn't too different from any other politician. You would be expected to be cordial and polite in that instance as well. Situations would vary in formality."

She blew out a deep breath and went back to her buttons. "Politician's girlfriend, huh? That's a good start, but stop talking about it before I freak myself out."

I laughed. "Yes, ma'am. I'll have an aside with Adele later."

She stuck her tongue out at me again.

Sookie and Pam may get along _too_ well.

As I readied, I noticed that Sookie had put my phone on its charger long enough ago that it had a full charge and taken my clothes from my hamper, but what touched me (yes, I was starting to identify the feeling) was that the wastebasket had been emptied; the wastebasket that held almost a dozen empty blood bags. She hadn't pointed it out in any way, it was something I had to notice. She seemed to be as accommodating of the dirty details as she was anything else.

The undeniable truth of the 'neener neener' was coming up on Bill Compton at record breaking speed. I'd won her. Not that it seemed like he was much competition in her eyes. He'd thought he was. He'd managed to lose her trust in less than a week because he was unable to keep his pessimistic attitude to himself. I'm sure it would only have been a matter of time before he fucked up another way.

It was sad that I was as sure as the night is long that he was only holding to his agreement to share his war stories in an effort to regain Sookie's good graces.

Not that I cared one way or the other for Bill's Confederate woes, but tonight was going to be more fun than I should be allowed to have.

By the time I made my way upstairs, the ladies were patiently waiting in the SUV for me.

Bobby had done well in ladies wear again. Sookie and Adele were wearing stylish, age appropriate pastels and didn't seem the least bit uncomfortable.

We had gotten more than 30 miles before I realized how quiet they were being. Not a word had been uttered.

"Is there something that I should know about? Has something happened?"

Sookie shifted uncomfortably as Adele urged her from the back seat to explain.

"Uh, Arlene called me. She wanted to know if I'd be there tonight."

"Arlene? She's the one that should get her own vampire masseuse? The waitress you work with?"

She nodded.

"Did she say something else?"

"She said she missed me at work the last few days and even Rene has been asking after me."

"She couldn't be an accomplice, could she?"

Sookie shook her head. "No. She thinks Dawn had it coming for sleeping with vampires. She thinks it was just asking for trouble, but she wouldn't help him. She's afraid that serving Bill a true blood will make her a victim."

"So we know that this Rene will be in attendance tonight?"

She jerked a nod. "Yeah. And the kids. And I'm… being at your… I'm out of practice."It took a moment for me to realize that she meant being so secluded for the past few days might have damaged her ability to block the thoughts of others. Shit.

"Is there anything that could help?"

"Even though Bill will be there, would it be ok if I hold your hand? It'll make focusing on you easier."

"My quiet will be louder?"

She nodded with childishly expectant eyes.

"It's fine for you to hold my hand. Are you going to feel up to going to Fangtasia later?"

She grinned at me. "I should be fine. I might need to take each person, one at a time though… if I'm tired." Understandable.

I nodded. "Adele, did Sookie mention that we are needed at Fangtasia?"

"She did. If you don't mind, I might just curl up with a book in a quiet corner, if a sleeping old lady wouldn't embarrass you. That's a little late for me."

"Would you rather stay at home instead?"

"Do you think it would be alright?"

I smiled as I pulled out my phone. "I can have someone sit at the house with you."

"Oh, don't worry about that! I don't want you to have to find a babysitter. I'll just go with y'all."

I started dialing Pam. "Adele, I think you'd change your mind once you meet that babysitter."

When Sookie gave me a questioning glance, I winked at her. "I'll explain later."

Another reason to be happy for an SUV, I suppose. The parking lot of the community house was so full that there were cars parked on the lawn…

The front door was 'manned' by a robust woman with unnaturally orange hair in a dress with a dizzying floral pattern.

Adele never took her hand from its drape on my arm to greet the woman by leaning in for a faux kiss.

"Adele Stackhouse, where have you been keeping yourself? That dress is just too nice!"

"I've been busy getting spoiled. Maxine, this is Sookie's beau, Eric Northman."

Gratefully my hands were occupied, so I gave the woman a nod. "Mrs. Fortenberry, I've heard a lot about you."

She blushed. "I wish I could say the same." No wonder. The bulk of what I'd heard about her was that she is an immense gossip; the town crier.

Adele stepped back into the conversation, when she realized her friend was staring at me. I had been tempted to glamour her into publicly kissing Compton and proclaim that she was carrying his love child… while it'd get a laugh, it was only something I would do if I were bored. I would just file it away for later.

"Maxine, I'm sorry I couldn't make it back in time to set things up. Did everything go smoothly?"

"Oh! That friend of yours set up tables and chairs for me all afternoon like he'd asked Santa for it! He was such a help. Hoyt's still mad at me for telling him to try half as hard as Mr. Burnham. He didn't leave until Mr. Compton arrived. I don't think he fancies vampire much."

I couldn't help myself. I started to chuckle. "Who does?"

As Maxine agreed with me, Adele and Sookie both gave me a dirty look and told me to behave. I had a feeling that if their hands weren't full of cookies, they might have slapped at me for encouraging Maxine.

After the cookie platters were deposited on the refreshment table with strange looking dishes that resembled vomit or plastic (or both) Sookie and Adele mingled a bit.

The shifter was the first to greet Sookie. He walked over and hugged her without preamble and then backed away as though he was touching acid (or someone said 'vet'). I think the snarl he was wearing was supposed to worry me, but all it accomplished was offending Sookie.

She grabbed his chin with her free hand and jerked his face over to catch his line of sight. "Sam Merlotte, you knock it off, right now. We still need to have us a little chat. Until then… You're in the doghouse."

He actually growled at me when Sookie used the word 'doghouse'. His nostrils flared when I leaned over to his ear. "She could tell you are different. She took it really well. She's only pissed that you were hiding it when you knew her secret. Now be a good boy and _fetch_ the ladies some drinks."

Sookie narrowed her eyes at me as he stomped away in a huff. "Did you have to say 'fetch'?"

My eyebrows went up. "You started it. _Doghouse?_"

"I said to let him know… Oh, never mind. Be nice."

"I was nice. I called him a _good_ boy. I'll even rub his belly…"

She started cackling. "Stop it!"

Adele introduced me to the Mayor who complimented me on being lucky enough to escort the 'loveliest Bon Temps has to offer'. They both blushed when I sincerely agreed with Mr. Norris.

Adele was also the one to introduce me to Bud Dearborn. Sookie was too busy squeezing my hand so tightly that her knuckles were white. Whatever was going through his thoughts wasn't pleasant for Sookie. She actually seemed relieved to see her idiot brother.

The first time Adele's hand left my arm was to hug Jason and it immediately returned as she started to tow the lot of us to the backstage area of the building for privacy.

The first thing out of his mouth when the door closed behind us was 'what the fuck?'.

My concern was that Sookie still seemed upset from Dearborn's thoughts. "Is staying in contact not working?"

She held my hand a little tighter. "I wasn't expecting him to be such a jackass. He caught me off guard. I'll be fine."

Jason cleared his throat as though we'd forgotten he was in the room with us. "What the fuck is going on? You tell me to feed the cat… but you didn't say where you're going or coming back... and you finally come back with a fang… Cats gone by the way. I went to feed her on the way here and the workers musta spooked her off." Charming way to break the news of her 'missing' cat, moron.

"Workers?" Sookie looked angry, but it was preferable to frightened, I suppose.

I started petting her hair. "I promised that I wouldn't keep you away from your life for more than a week. _And_ that I would come up with a way to keep you safe if you went home before he was caught. The workers are putting in new doors and windows because the security system I'm having installed required them."

"Security system! Eric, that… we can't afford that!"

"Sookie, I made the promise to keep you safe. It's my expense and I would be pleased to hear that it was a wasted one when he is arrested."

"Like a plan B?" The pack of Weres that would circle her property every second would be the actual plan B, but that was a bridge we could cross later.

"Precisely."

Adele took my free hand, giving it a squeeze as she thanked me and Sookie wrapped herself around my ribs, tucking her head under my chin.

"Ladies, Detective Coughlin's message from this morning explained that they were having a run of bad luck with judges, but should be able to get a warrant for his DNA in the morning. This should be over soon."

Adele laughed. "I don't know how much you want your peace and quiet back, but I'm happy as a queen bee. I still have a couple hundred books to read."

I started laughing. "I enjoy having you there, but those ghastly pink appliances will have to leave with you. I don't know what Bobby was thinking."

Her look became more serious and she stared me down. "Reallllllly… You mean the ghastly pink appliances that just so happen to match my kitchen that he'd never seen. And he bought them just before he drove all the way out here to _volunteer_ his services."

I smiled at her. "Does your kitchen… have… _pink?_ I don't recall."

"Horse puckey."

I leaned over to peck her cheek. "It's not as though I'll need them once you go home. Besides, you two are the best company I've had in centuries. Let me spoil you a little."

Adele was still smiling when Jason took a giant step back with irate confusion on his face. "Are you kidding me!? You're staying with a bloodsucker, Gran? You… He… Is he glamouring you? Is he _FEEDING_ on you?!" Just your sister, asshole.

Sookie tried to let go of me to go after her brother, but I held on to her. Adele seemed to have a handle on the situation when the heel of her hand collided with her grandson's forehead. "Jason Stackhouse, your sister's life is in danger. Eric is keeping us safe. We are more than comfortable and you would do well to realize that we all owe him a huge debt of gratitude for his efforts."

"This guy only wants to kill fangbangers though… Sookie… are you fucking…?"

Sookie tried to wriggle away from me again, but Adele had slapped her hand over Jason's mouth to save him from making the mistake of finishing his question. "_This guy_ assumed that she was involved with him when he saw her kissing him at Merlotte's. That's how they know who he is and how the cops know who they're looking for. She's in danger because she was trying to keep your gigolo butt out of hot water. Now shut your mouth. You're being hateful."

"You know who he is? Why didn't y'all say something?"

I took over, aggravated at how distressing his visit had been for them. "She saw the killer fantasize her murder and the reason you weren't told who he is, lies with the fact that you don't have the common decency to keep your mouth shut about who you take to bed. You would say something to someone and he would just relocate and start killing somewhere else and you would still look guilty for the two murders in Bon Temps."

He looked like he was doing long division… with fractions for a while as the squirrels in his brain cavity translated for him. "Shit… Really? I didn't know all that. Hell… I'm sorry."

Sookie and Adele both rolled their eyes at him and told him to save seats for the four of us. I added that the seats shouldn't be near children.

Sookie saved a dirty look for me until he was gone. "You have something against children?" Other than the stench of play dough they're just as annoying as fully grown humans.

I smiled at her. "You said _he'd_ be with some. If Jason stays away from seating us near children, then your fan shouldn't be too close either and it doesn't risk your brother finding out who we're avoiding."

She giggled. "Smart _and_ sexy, huh?"

The seats that Jason had secured for us were on the front row and on the other side of the audience as Rene.

"There's a rugrat about 3 rows away. That ok?"

Sookie smiled at her brother. "That's fine, Jason. This is great."

He seemed too proud of himself as we took our seats. I sat on the isle, with Sookie, then Adele next to me. Jason was acting as a bookend… paper weight…

When Maxine entered the auditorium, she called everyone's attention to let them know that Bill was having car trouble and proceeded with the business portion of the meeting while they all waited. Adele and Sookie turned to me with questioning looks.

I shook my head. "I had nothing to do with his car trouble."

They stared, Adele with a smirk.

"Truly."

Sookie put her lips to my ear and whispered, "Your day guy has been to Bon Temps twice today and he had _nothing_ to do with Bill's car trouble?" If Bobby showed that kind of initiative, he'd get a raise.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and handed it to Sookie. "I contacted him once. It was at 5:42 AM."

Sookie slowly read the email I'd sent and glared at me as she handed the phone back to me.

"See. I'm innocent. I think you both owe me an apology." I think I did pretty well feigning a 'hurt' tone.

Sookie leaned back to my ear. "I'll apologize if you can tell me with a straight face that you aren't disappointed that you didn't think about it." Ha. That was _not_ a lie I'd bother with.

I kissed her cheek. "Fair enough."

If vampire could, I'd have been convinced that Compton shit his pants when he saw me. His expression was sour, furious and deflated in chorus. He had to retract his fangs to fake a smile for the waiting crowd. I took no small amount of pleasure from watching his lips curl back. Not only was he scenting Sookie's blood and sex and sweat, but… her hands were wrapped around mine where she'd pulled it into her lap.

Sookie leaned over again. "Pam was right." She followed her statement by making a ridiculously apish face.

I started laughing. "You wanted me to be nice. It goes both ways."

She croaked, "Grape Ape."

"Sookie?" It was getting harder for me to not laugh.

She playfully rolled her eyes and huffed. "Fine."

"And I think he looks more like a sock monkey."

A loud 'ha' escaped before Sookie clamped her hand over her mouth. It earned us a very dirty look from Mr. Keynote. For once, Pam's bizarre attraction to animation proved itself to be useful.

As Bill blandly recited his battlefield memories, the humans in the room sat like awed statues of themselves as though they hadn't already heard every boring word read by Hal Holbrook on the History channel.

Compton took a few minutes to answer a few more specific questions. One man had stood to ask if Bill had known his ancestor. The only interesting part of Bill's dialog was the description of the man's death. Not that there had been anything particularly outstanding about the scenario, more that it was the only time anything Compton said couldn't be read from a textbook.

It might have been one of the longest half hours of my existence.

The mingling afterwards was far more entertaining. Bill was surrounded by 'star struck' locals who wanted to pose for pictures with 'Vampire Bill' and ask him annoying questions from 'the list'. Pam and I are sure now that there is a list of irritating/obtuse questions to ask a vampire. We're sure it's on the internet. Pam is still looking for it.

Most every one of Adele's DGD friends made their way to her to thank her for securing Compton's testimonial and a few of Sookie's friends came by to greet her. It felt as though I'd met every inhabitant of the town. The most interesting of which was Hoyt Fortenberry. He seemed simple, but friendly and had no reaction to my cold handshake even though everyone else in the building had been quietly fanning at the humidity. His visit prompted his mother's. He rolled his eyes behind his 'Mama's' back while she gossiped to Adele as though _everyone_ couldn't hear her.

All the while Sookie and I tried to ignore the haunting glare of Bill Compton. He'd lost his entertainment value. He was _really_ starting to piss me off.

The three of us made our exit after nearly an hour of friendly conversation. As we cleared the crowd by the front door, Sookie tensed next to me. Rene and Arlene had parked just a few slips away from my SUV and were fastening the children into their seats. Sookie's stress was only compounded by the fact that Compton followed us out and was, seemingly, looking for a fight.

"Sookie! Wait!"

I used the remote to start the car and its air conditioning for Adele so that she could get off her feet in the cool air. She smiled as she cracked her window so she could eavesdrop.

Sookie's hand had never left mine for longer than a moment and now, since Rene was less than 20 feet away, she was holding on as though her life depended on it.

Bill advanced until he was foolishly close to us and Sookie tried to ignore him.

He reached past me to grab her arm as she tried to climb into her seat.

"Sookie, I need to speak to you."

Even though I could have been forgiven much more, I grabbed his wrist and twisted it away from her. "Compton, she told you. She's mine."

"She's less than willing! Anyone can see that!" Bullshit. Less than willing doesn't hold on with white knuckles.

"Compton. Leave."

"No! Sookie is _NOT_ yours!"

"You are walking a fine line. You need to remember your place."

"You stole her from me!" His tirade was drawing gawkers. Dozens.

Sookie, still holding my hand in an attempt to keep Rene's thoughts at bay, had reached her breaking point. She climbed back out of her seat and stood inches from Compton's pissy face. "I am not, was not, never will be _YOURS,_ Bill Compton. I. Am. Eric's. End of story."

"But Sookie…"

"No. Do I need to slow it down? _Say it with me… Sookie… is… Eric's_." Most of Bon Temps was watching, including the shifter.

"He's taken you prisoner! You haven't been home in days and from what I can tell he's having your house turned into a fortress. You don't know what you're saying. He'll pass you around."

"From what you can tell, huh? From what you can tell, Mr. Observant, did you notice that his prisoner has one hell of a tan. Did you notice that Gran is just as willing to leave with him as I am? Did you notice anything other than what you wanted to notice? No. You ignored all the signs that I'm perfectly happy to be with Eric because you feel like you planted your flag first. Sorry, buddy. I'm Eric's."

"He can glamour you _and_ the old bat!"

Sookie fumed at him as I gently pulled her back to place her in the car. I closed the door behind her and armed the alarm, advancing on the insubordinate fuck in front of me.

"She told you that she's mine. I'm telling you that she's mine. You have no business with her. If you attempt to contact her again, you will be signing your own warrant."

"I'm not letting this go!"

"You don't have to. In fact, I dare you to keep on. You know what will happen."

"You would end a vampire for a human?"

"For that one, yes. In an instant."

"_She'll_ hear about this!"

I mocked him with a laugh. "Bill, I've already been in contact with her. I intend to make my claim and protection of Sookie public."

"You liar! Had you been in contact with her, she'd have told one of us to back off!"

As soon as he said it, he knew he was fucked. I grabbed him, crushing him into the hood of my car. "What do you mean, back off? What are you part of?"

"She sent me. She sent me to keep an eye on the Stackhouses."

"Are you going to tell me why?"

"I don't know why. You know how she is!"

As quietly as I could, knowing Merlotte might be the only one to hear. "Did you know that she is a telepath?"

"No. I was told that she might not be completely human though."

I yanked him away from the car, flinging him into the empty space near the playground. He stumbled as he walked backwards keeping a very careful eye on me. "Bill Compton, as Sheriff of Area 5, due to your failure to check in to my area in a timely manner, I am ejecting you from northeastern Louisiana. You are further ordered to return to your superior and explain your failure since as Sookie's master, I will not allow you to come within a hundred miles of her. You and your maker will be notified of a fine for trespassing and charges of interference against you. Is that understood?"

He scowled at me for a moment, knowing that his choices were comply or be ended. "Yes, sheriff."

"You'd better start packing if you're to make it to New Orleans before dawn. If any injury or damage comes to Stackhouse body or property, I will personally consider it an act of spite and I will volley accordingly and because of your display, there are plenty of witnesses to your behavior and my promise."

Sookie stared blankly as I joined them in the car. "Sookie, I couldn't let it go and I _have_ to call her."

She forced a grin as she nodded.

In a matter of minutes, I had given the message that I was in dispute with an underling that could go south quickly and was being assured that my message would be returned immediately.

Sookie watched as I dropped my phone into a cup holder. "That all sounded very official."

"It's a drawback to the position. If I weren't Sheriff, I could have just killed him for touching you."

"What does it mean that he was sent here?"

"I can't be sure unless she knows that you are a telepath somehow. If that's the case, he may have been…" I didn't even want to think about the measures I would normally take to secure a telepath.

"Eric, what?"

"Sookie, if she knows that you can read minds, she might have sent Bill here to secure your services."

"What? Why? How would she secure my services?"

"I don't think we should talk about it."

"Eric, I want to know."

"If I wanted to secure your services, I would test you to see if your ability is even strong enough to be considered. Then I would make offer after offer until you accepted. That's how I would go about it… She's not as business minded as she is militant."

"Oh god. She might have been planning on playing dirty." More than likely.

"It's possible, but we have no way of knowing until I speak to her."


	10. Chapter 10

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 10**

**Bigger Fish To Fry**

"Majesty, thank you for returning my call."

"Northman. You have a problem?" She sounded positively bored stiff.

"It seems as though Bill Compton has seen fit to interfere with my dealings. I've had no choice but to order him from the area."

"I beg your pardon? How has he interfered with you?"

"He has challenged me publically for what's mine."

"Specifically?"

"Sookie Stackhouse. In spite of multiple warnings from Sookie _and_ me that she is indeed mine, he is insisting that I have stolen her from him."

"I see. Why is it that you didn't end him?"

"I didn't feel as though it would be a prudent act. He confronted me with more than a hundred human witnesses."

"Your pet was there?"

"Yes. He mentioned that he was sent by you."

"He did, did he?"

"Yes. It was just moments ago. 10 minutes, maybe."

"Tell me, how does the Stackhouse clan feel about vampire?" What the fuck does that have to do with anything?

"Jason Stackhouse is typically fearful. Sookie and her grandmother are far more accepting."

"So you've met the family? What of Linda?"

"Linda?"

"Yes. Linda would be Sookie's Aunt." No kidding.

I looked over to Sookie and she seemed alarmed at how much the queen knew about her family. "Majesty, Linda was taken by cancer a few years ago."

The silence on the other end of the line started to worry me. "Northman, be assured that Compton will be taken care of when he reports back to me."

"Thank you, Majesty. Is there something going on that I should be made aware of?"

"What are your intentions with your pet?" I fucking hate getting questions instead of answers.

"My intentions, even before the dispute with Compton, were to announce her as mine formally as well as my protection of her family."

"Would they be willing to take a bit of a vacation to come visit my Area?"

"Majesty, I can't help but wonder why."

"I can't help but remind you that you have no business questioning your queen, but you're lucky that I'm in an amiable mood and was planning to explain anyway... I have a pet, a child who has recently become melancholy. She misses her family. I sent Compton to gage how they might react to her new condition of being."

I risked a look over to Sookie and she was on the verge of tears.

"Majesty, I should explain the situation to them before I make travel arrangements. I don't believe that blindsiding them with this information would make their reaction to your pet…"

"My child, Hadley. You've met her." Oh shit.

"Yes ma'am. If they react badly to the shock, it could only make matters worse."

"Of course. You'll be in touch soon."

"Of course."

The moment my phone closed, Sookie slapped her hands over her mouth and began crying quietly.

Adele was concerned from having heard only my side of the conversation. "Eric? What's going on? How did the queen know about my little girl?"

Thankfully, Sookie reached into the backseat and took Adele's hand. "Adele, the queen sent Bill to Bon Temps because she wanted to see how you and your family feel about vampires… It seems that her new child has become homesick."

I saw the woman's eyes fill with tears and she whispered 'Hadley' into her hand.

Sookie unbuckled her safety belt and carefully climbed into the back seat to comfort the woman who just found out that she'd outlived another family member.

They remained huddled together in silence until we returned to the house.

Once I had helped Adele out of the back, she surprised me by wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Eric, I've been scared for years that she overdosed. That she died _alone_. That she was being abused or was too ashamed to come home after she left that rehab. I was afraid that she was a Jane Doe somewhere."

I pet the woman's head. "I met her when she was still alive and the queen was taking very good care of her even then. She's quite beautiful."

"You met her?"

"I've seen her on several occasions."

"Can _we_ see her? Is that allowed?"

I gave her a gentle squeeze. "The queen invited me to bring you to visit. We can go as soon as I make travel arrangements if you want. How do you think Jason would feel about the situation?"

She let go, wiping her eyes with a half smile. "I'm not sure. You know what a dunder-head he is. I guess I should call him and let him know she's ok though."

'Ok'?

I gave Adele the privacy of the study and went on a search for Sookie. I found her in the den, staring blankly at the unlit fireplace and took a seat next to her.

"Sookie, are you alright?"

"I don't know."

I reached over, taking one of her feet and pulling it out from under her. Her eyes rolled back the instant I started to massage. "Adele seems to be taking the news that her granddaughter is dead pretty well."

Sookie laid her head back against the couch, her eyes closed. "Hadley isn't dead. She's better." Ok and better. The whole damn family is insane by societal constraints.

"Better than what?"

"The last time we saw her, she was strung out and stole Gran's checkbook so that she could forge a check for drug money. Gran caught her and talked her into going to rehab. Gran started doing laundry and I picked up extra shifts to help Aunt Linda pay for it, but she took off after a few days. That was… damn, I guess it's almost 5 years now."

"Are you angry with her?"

"I guess. It's not about the money though. Aunt Linda died not knowing. Hadley should have been there with her. To help her. To take care of her. But as always, Hadley was too wrapped up in Hadley to call home… Do you think Sophie-Ann will tell her that Aunt Linda is gone or let us do it?"

"I'll ask her when I let her know about our visit."

"Oh, hell! Pam is going to hate you forever!"

"That's not likely. I'll take her along and let her shop. I'd be more worried that Sam will urinate on your tires and porch…"

She giggled and used her free foot to nudge my leg as she told me to 'knock it off'. "Where will we stay? Is there a hotel there with light tight rooms?"

"I have a house down there. I'll have the maid ready it for us."

Adele joined us after a few minutes, her hands on her hips as she huffed a frustrated breath. "Well… I've decided that Jason must be brain damaged..."

Sookie and I both enjoyed her 'sudden' revelation.

"…He lost his ever lovin' mind when I told him, but he was disappointed when I told him we were going for a visit. He wants to see her, but he's afraid to take any time off since he's been pulled away from a site 3 times because of all this Rene nonsense."

"Then we are a caravan of four."

Sookie gave a nod. "What do we do about Tina?"

"You can take her with us, we can have Bobby tend to her here or take her back to Bon Temps for Jason to tend to. You ladies decide, but speaking of Tina reminds me… We need to discuss your babysitter."

Adele laughed. "Why would the cat remind you of my babysitter?"

"He is… 'special'. We'll need to secure the cat until he leaves. He's… different?"

"A vampire that's allergic?"

"No. A vampire that prefers cat blood."

They both gasped.

I chuckled at them. "He'll behave because I'll tell him to, but I didn't think you'd be able to resist. He's young by vampire standards; only about 30. When a human dies, there is a small window for them to be turned after the fact. The further into the window the process is started, the more varied the results. Bubba's window may have been closed before he was turned. It doesn't help that he died of an overdose. He's very simple, but takes orders well and he's corrupted enough that he prefers feline to human. It isn't often that he remembers who he used to be fondly though."

Sookie moved to put her other foot in my lap, wiggling it as my 'hint' to shift my attentions. "Who did he used to be then? Like a Kennedy?"

I smiled at her. "He likes talking about growing up in Tupelo, Mississippi, but…"

Adele gasped, catching on right away. "NO!"

"I thought you'd enjoy it."

"That would explain the sightings!"

"Bubba is a very closely guarded secret. Most of the sightings are red herrings organized so that he is safe in another area."

"My babysitter is…"

"Yes ma'am."

"Sakes alive!"

"If you still don't want a bodyguard…"

"You hush!"

Sookie and I shared a look and laughed at how giddy Adele was.

Adele left us to change and tend to Tina before closing her into her bathroom and Sookie pulled her feet away so that she could crawl over to me.

I reclined, stretching my legs out so that she was lying on top of me.

"Is that how it normally goes? A pet becomes a child?"

I was surprised that she'd waited so long to ask. "No. Normally a vampire keeps a pet for feeding and fucking and doesn't think enough of them to want them around for long. It isn't a courtship. If the queen turned your cousin, she must be very fond of her."

"Is that what it was like when you turned Pam?"

"No."

"Does a child have to obey his maker?"

"Yes. Unquestioningly. Makers have a certain power over their children. They are responsible for their children's actions. That is why I told Bill that his maker would be fined too. She can punish him far more harshly than I could. She could end him for that matter and no one could interfere."

"You could kill Pam and no one could say boo?"

"Not that I would, but yes."

"Do you want to turn me?"

"Do you want to marry me?"

"What? We just met!"

I smiled at her. "Exactly. I don't consider you mine because I want a willing donor at my beck and call. I enjoy you, your company. You being mine means something entirely different to me than most vampire."

"Pam sounded surprised that you weren't going to share me with her."

"Pam keeps several pets. She has no attachment to any of them. I suppose you can call them 'booty calls'. She does. I don't keep pets as a rule."

"Never?"

"I've had a few for various reasons. Necessity mostly. Not because I particularly enjoyed them. If I were fucking Bobby instead of paying him, he'd be considered a pet."

She was quiet for a moment. "Eric, are you still suspicious of the queen?"

"It's in my nature to be. Yes."

"Hadley knows. I told you I've always had it. She could have told the queen about her crazy cousin who can read minds."

"I assumed as much."

"What's next then?"

"Since you are mine, there's nothing she can do. Vampire tradition states that you are my property, so if Sophie-Ann wants your services, she'd have to go through me to negotiate your compensation. It would make me your manager of sorts, but I can't imagine her need for your services often. She might want you to screen her employees once in a while. That's only if she knows of your ability though."

She grunted, laying her head down on my chest. "Vampires are a pain in the ass."

I laughed. "I'm very aware of that. I'm not fond of many myself."

"I'm being serious, Eric."

I gave her a squeeze, knowing too well what a nightmare the underbelly of vampire society can be. "I won't let anything happen to you."

"I'll be less tempting because I can't read vampire minds, right?"

"More than likely, yes. We can glamour most information from humans."

"But you have to ask the right questions, right? Like tonight, if you asked 'have you ever stolen from me?' they'd answer yes or no. But if I ask, their answer would be no, but I could hear that so-and-so steals tips, that they stole from other jobs. If it's yes, I'd know right away that they're stealing drinks or didn't pay for a t-shirt once… that kind of thing."

"I told you that you are _valuable_."

"Pam didn't believe you when you told her."

"You are rare _and_ valuable… so is your ability."

"That makes for one hell of a bargaining chip, huh?"

"Sookie, I'm not…"

"Not you. The jackass who tried to 'win' me back."

"What are you getting at?"

"He's known for about a week now. If the queen sent you to scout me… then you would have already told her that I'm a mind reader, right?"

I nodded. "In theory."

"Unless you were told that you were keeping an eye on a normal family. Then you'd think you have a goldmine, or maybe a political springboard in your hands."

"Sookie, you know that I didn't…"

"Eric, I already agreed to work for you and you're as high up the ladder as you can get unless you want to be king and you don't need me for that."

"You think that he was putting up such a fight because he wanted to exploit you?"

"He threatened to go over your head and when you called his bluff he backed down. He tried to frighten me. He tried to repulse me. He accused you of things you could be jailed for in front of law enforcement. He wanted to 'see' me last night. He wanted a 'moment alone' with me tonight. I wonder how quickly he could he could have drained me and gotten us into the ground... Basically I trust him about as far as I can throw him. I'd be willing to bet that he didn't have car trouble. I bet he got dirtier than he thought he would, digging." 5 minutes. 5 minutes alone and he could have drained her and covered them if the hole was ready. If he knocked her unconscious, I might have assumed she was fine with being alone with him long enough…

I caught myself staring. "That's what you were concentrating on, when I came in?"

She nodded.

"How did you get to the conclusion you did?"

She shrugged. "Things weren't adding up. I kissed him _once_. We're even-steven on the saving each other's asses thing. We'd only talked a few times and he was standoffish and weird. He called me naïve and stupid to my face. God only knows what he was thinking. He acted like he was humoring a kid and then forgot about me that night at Fangtasia. And then, like someone flipped a switch, I'm his and he's not letting it go… blah blah blah. It just didn't sit right."

"Well, that is one hell of a plot dissection for a naïve infant."

She grinned. "We're busy tonight… Can you call the disco triplets out in Monroe and have them look for a hole… or would that be wrong?"

I smiled, trying not to laugh. She really was much more than I bargained for. "Why them?"

"They know where Bill lives, they know his scent. It's close for them. If the three of them fan out they could cover the ground between Bill's and the Community House in about an hour. And they might have some gossip they'd be willing to share since _your_ pet saved them from sino-virus."

"You what?"

She giggled into my chest and looked up at me with doe eyes. "When they were at Bill's, they had a couple of fangbangers with them. Meals on Wheels, I guess. Anyway, Bill was about to feed from one, but I heard him thinking about having it. None of them knew. I'm sure Jerry has since had an accident of some kind, but… well, it might be worth a mention since I'm kinda not a secret anymore."

I pulled her up to my level and gave her a kiss. "You're full of surprises."

She smiled. "The only reason you're getting away with that is because I want another kiss."

"Just one?"

She shook her head, stretching to kiss me at first then adjusting her legs to straddle me.

In only a few minutes, we'd tangled ourselves together on the couch and I decided that the 45 minutes we had was enough time to have _some_ fun.

I pulled my hands out of Sookie's hair, sitting up with her and no sooner than I did, she pulled away from me and shot to the other end of the couch.

My dick ached, my fangs ached and she was gone. I was cold again and it was all I could think about.

I stared at her as she tugged her skirt to cover as much of her as possible. She nodded, seemingly trying to bring my attention to…

I turned to look at the doorway.

Bubba.

"Wonderful timing, Bubba. What did I tell you about knocking?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your dinner, Mr. Eric." Mother fucker had all the timing of a death bed lottery ticket.

"This isn't my '_dinner'_. Bubba, this is my very good friend, Sookie. Sookie, meet Bubba."

Sookie smiled as she stood up. "Very nice to meet you, Bubba… Eric, do you need me to dress a certain way?"

"What? You're leaving?" No, no, no… Fuck.

She rolled her eyes, kissing my cheek before walking away.

"Fine. That robe would be nice."

She giggled as she disappeared around the corner. "Nice try. I'll let Gran know her bodyguard is here."

"There is a cat in the house, but it is a pet _**not**_ a snack. Your dinner will be waiting behind Fangtasia later. Understand?"

He smiled at me. His lights were on, but only children were at home. "Sure! Thanks!"

"Alright, tonight you'll be keeping an eye on things while Sookie and I attend to some business. Adele Stackhouse will be here. They are staying with me because there is a human threat. She's a very nice woman. I think you'll enjoy her company as much as I do."

"She won't be scared none to be here with me? Should I stay in the yard?"

"No. She's anxious to meet you. She was raised in the country during the depression too."

His eyes lit up. "Really?"

I nodded. "And she loves to talk about the past. The two of you can sit and reminisce all evening."

"So you don't expect trouble?"

"No. To the best of my knowledge, the threat doesn't know where to find them. This is…"

"Just in case." He seemed very proud of himself that he'd caught on.

'Miss Adele' and Bubba got along famously from the minute she took his hand to shake it and then towed him to the study with her.

They barely acknowledged us when Sookie and I said our goodbyes.

Sookie laughed about it most of the way to Fangtasia.

It was barely after 1 o'clock when we arrived (thanks to being interrupted). As I opened Sookie's door for her I whispered, "30 seconds. We'll be in my office for 30 seconds before Pam barges in. Being out of the loop is eating at her core."

She smiled sheepishly. "Do you want me to make myself scarce so you can fill her in?"

"No. You're the loop… and you're not allowed out of my sight in those shorts."

She looked worried. "What's wrong with them?"

I ran my hands over her ass, pulling us together. "Absolutely nothing. They're perfect."

26 seconds.

The door flung open and slammed shut and Sookie started laughing hysterically.

Pam scowled at us both, once I started laughing too. "What's so damn funny?"

"Pamela, you've just proven how predictable you are."

"Asshole."

"I missed you too."

"_Now_ will you _please_ tell me why you needed Bubba?"

I smiled at her, sitting on the couch next to Sookie. "That would be the most recent installment in a long story. Do you want to hear it out of order?"

"You're filling me in _now_!?" She plopped herself into a chair across from me, folding her arms. "Good, go."

"Sookie managed to identify the killer when I was at Merlotte's. That is why we came here that night. The 'customer' we pulled into the office that night was an undercover cop. I had Sookie pose as Dian and tell the detectives that some vampire are telepathic. Shreveport PD took the cases from Bon Temps based on what 'Dian' told them and have put together a case. At the moment we are waiting for an arrest to be made so that they can return to their home safely."

"You've had them at _your_ house?"

"Yes."

"That makes 5." Leave it to her to take from all the information she'd just been given that now _5_ individuals know where I live.

I tilted my head, annoyed with her. "You're not focusing."

"You're not done?"

"No. In the meantime, Bill Compton has proven himself to be an enormous pain in the ass. We discovered tonight that the queen sent him to 'keep an eye on' Sookie and her family. The claim is that he wasn't told about her telepathy, just that she might not be completely human. We believe that after he discovered her ability he decided to try to monopolize on it, possibly turn her so that he has control of her. I'm waiting to hear back from the 'disco triplets'. They're on a search for evidence as we speak."

"Disco triplets? Malcolm, Liam and Dian?"

I nodded, Sookie giggled that I'd used her nickname for them.

When Pam was done laughing, she tried to get back to business. "So she's interested in the Stackhouses, _**why**_?"

"As it turns out, Sookie is Hadley's cousin, Adele being their grandmother."

"_NO FUCKING WAY!"_

Sookie raised an eyebrow at Pam. "I know, right! It's freaking crazy."

"Does your grandma know?" I might have been enjoying their ease with each other too much.

"We call her Gran. Yeah. You have no idea how relieved she was. We've been worried about Hadley for years."

"_Relieved_?"

"Well, yeah. We were worried she was turning tricks for drug money or in jail or dead, well… you know what I mean…"

Pam switched her focus to me. "This is a joke? You're playing a joke!"

I shook my head. "No. No joke... Since we're still waiting for the police to take care of the arrest, Bubba is currently keeping Adele company since she was too tired to join us. She had a very busy day. For now, we need to make travel plans. The Stackhouses are invited to New Orleans for a reunion."

"You're leaving town?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Not without you, brat."

She lit up instantly and Sookie giggled.

"What? I suppose I'm being predictable again?"

Sookie and I both nodded. "Since you know how Sophie-Ann is, I need you to contact your boutique pets. Have them shop… basically a complete wardrobe for Sookie and Adele since there isn't any way to predict what the queen will require of us…"

Pam was staring.

"…Like you don't already have everything you need!"

"With everything going on, I won't have much time to pack… accessorize…" She was whimpering like a neglected child.

"You are fucking _impossible_! Fine… you can arrange new formals and semi formals. You'll pack your casuals. Sookie and Adele weren't prepared though and will need a full range."

She smiled on her way back to work, proving what a brat she is.

"Is that what she's usually like? She was all kinds of fierce the first time I saw her."

"That's Pam. She can scare the rust out of a junkyard, but for the most part she's my spoiled brat."

She smiled and shifted to straddle my legs. "Speaking of spoiled… We don't need a full wardrobe. You're going a little overboard."

"If _you_ want to be a brat about things too, then we'll have the maid return anything you didn't need when we leave. But the queen is very particular about proper attire."

She smiled, proving what a brat _she_ could be. "Ok then. I can go along with that… What still needs to be done?"

"I need to call the queen and the maid needs to be given warning."

"Were you serious about not letting me out of your sight?" Yes.

"Why?"

"Because I was thinking that while you make your phone calls I could go sit at the bar and start poking."

I ran my hands over her ass again, rubbing her against me. "No."

She leaned against my chest, nuzzling into the side of my neck. She whispered between nibbles, "If I can catch something while they're trying to figure out why they're being held late, then we'll get home early."

"No."

"I can tell you right now that Bruce didn't do it and doesn't know who did."

"How?"

"He's sitting in his car just a few feet away, sobbing. He fought with his wife about coming out so late. He's sure you'll blame him and that the 'last' thing he said to her was angry. _'If I could prove who took their money, I'd turn them in'_."

"You're still not going anywhere."

She giggled against me. "You have the balls to call me and Pam _brats_… Fine…" She backed away from me, taking my phone from my desk and handing it to me. She turned the chair around and put her ass between my legs, leaning over the back. "You'll rub and call, I'll poke brains. I want to hurry home and see what else is on that list."

I ignored my phone and pulled her back as I sat up. "Who says my office isn't on the list?"

"I'm using my right to veto if it is. Since this is where you bring your _relief_, it would equate to doing it in a porta-john for me." Oh.

"It bothers you?"

"That you take sex and blood when it's thrown at you like Mardi Gras beads? No. It would bother me to feel like them." What bothered _me_ was that she was speaking of them in the present tense and I couldn't put my finger on why.

"Point taken."

"You're irritated."

"Not at your opinion."

"You want to talk about it or make your calls to avoid it?"

Fucking brat.

By the time I was done with giving the maid her to-do list and speaking to Sophie-Ann, Sookie seemed like she was nearly asleep.

She hadn't made a single noise and had been perfectly still for more than 20 minutes. She hadn't even shown that she had an opinion when Sophie-Ann explained that she would tell Hadley about Linda's death so that Hadley wouldn't be expecting to see her mother.

I tossed my phone onto the couch. "We're all set. A car will be waiting at sunset to take us to the airport."

No answer.

"Sookie?"

She gradually lifted her head, and slowly started her way out of the office. I followed her as far as the threshold to the bar floor and watched her sit at the bar.

Pam came to stand by me where I was watching in the doorway. "What's happening?"

"I'm not sure. I made some calls while I was giving her a massage. I thought she was asleep, but when I tried to get her attention she just… wandered away."

"Is she retarded?"

"Shut up. Give her a minute."

We watched as Sookie seemingly waited for service.

She thwarted the advances of 3 drunks by telling them that she was a man, and then a fourth by explaining that she was really a woman.

Long Shadow gave her a fangy grin that he almost didn't survive. "Nice to have you back, Blondie. What can I get you?"

She cut her eyes and giggled. She was flirting with him. That shit needed to stop. "It's nice to be back. Can I get a cherry coke and an application?"

She watched him, returning his looks, pissing me off… Pam thought it was hilarious. When he returned with her drink, he held an application out. "You can save yourself the trouble and just _audition_."

Sookie blushed as she took the piece of paper. "I'm not sure how well I'd do. I think I'd need some on the job training."

The mother fucker licked his lips as he slid a pen to her. "Make sure I can read that phone number."

Sookie filled the form out slowly, waiting for Long Shadow to be distracted before she took her drink. She walked towards us with a raised eyebrow and we followed her back to the office and closed the door.

"Y'all can send everybody home. It's not the staff."

"Who could have taken the money then?"

Sookie took a sip of her coke as she sat on the couch. "Your partner."

"Long Shadow?"

She nodded. "I got a bead on all of the employees. The general consensus is that they couldn't figure out what the meeting was for unless you were laying people off for a re-staffing. None of them were nervous. Belinda was the only one who wasn't curious. She was just hoping that if the meeting ran late enough that Long Shadow and Ginger wouldn't keep her up all night like they usually do. When I tried to read Ginger… Dude, I'm surprised she can tie her shoes."

Pam snorted. "We all are."

"She's not stupid though. Half her brain is gone. She's been glamoured a lot. _A LOT_, a lot. Y'all were too busy watching me to see the hairy eyeball Ginger was giving us. When she saw him flirting with me, she had a thought about mentioning something to one of you… When Long Shadow gives her the bank bag to make the deposit, she gets an envelope to deposit for him. Meow. Saucer of milk, party of one. Anyway… He probably glamours her routinely, but hasn't had a chance to do it tonight."

"You're positive?" I knew my Pam… 'you're positive' was cover for humoring _me_.

Sookie smirked at Pam. "According to Ginger, I'm not _your_ type because you're going through a 'brunettes with athletic builds phase'… Mia Hamm, Gabrielle Reece. And Eric prefers 'bics'… you know, disposables. So Long Shadow would be free to kick her to the curb and replace her with the new blond."

"_Shut up_!"

I started laughing at the way Pam's mouth was hanging open as she looked back and forth between us. "I know I play the occasional joke… but I was pretty clear. Telepath."

Sookie smiled, unphased by Pam's disbelief. "You should catch her before he has the chance. She still remembers some of it."

Pam finally snapped out of it and walked out to retrieve the embittered bimbo.

Sookie sat on the couch and quietly sipped her coke while Pam and I interrogated Ginger. Sure enough, Long Shadow had been fucking with the numbers. This week he'd had Ginger deposit 5 grand into his personal account.

Pam escorted Ginger through the back door so that she wouldn't be threatened by Long Shadow and I called him into the office.

"Bruce called me this morning."

He hadn't bothered sitting down. "What'd he want?"

"To tell me that someone is stealing from Fangtasia."

"Do you think it was Pam?"

"No. I'm sure it wasn't Pam."

"Well? I'm not a fucking mind reader! Spit it out!"

I chuckled. "You're not, but Sookie is. You robbed me of $5,000 this week alone." Sookie crunched a piece of ice and gave him a little wave.

"You believe her over me?"

I nodded. "According to Bruce you've been able to pilfer over $60, 000."

"Bullshit! You're trying to get me to confess to something I didn't do!"

Sookie set her now empty glass on the side of the couch. "The bank bag is dark grey with a yellow stripe across it. Your handwriting is really small and squished, but your numbers are easy to read. Ginger thinks your zeros look like peaches. When she mentioned it, you told her that it was peaches that looked like _your_ zeros."

He must've remembered the conversation well. Without warning, he lunged at Sookie and I smelled her blood instantly.

In the second it took for me to grab the stake from my drawer and get over my desk to shove it into him, he'd managed to rip into her arm.

Pam rushed into the office as I helped Sookie out from under the heap of rot. She seemed like she was in shock, standing slowly as pieces of Long Shadow slid out of her lap.

Sookie's knees tried to buckle when she noticed the large gouge in her arm. "I don't know where my blood ends and his begins, Eric." I was hard, my fangs were down and standing still was the only way for me to not jump on her.

"Sookie, did you swallow any?"

"Some…" Her eyes finally made it to mine. "…What does that mean?"

"It should be interesting. He was much older than Bill. The side effects…" I trailed off, hoping that she wasn't worried about _further_ heightened senses.

She locked into a worried look. Her eyebrows drawn together as she held up her arm to examine it. Her blood was running from the wound as she held it out to me. "Do you, I mean…"

I took her uninjured hand, leading her to the locker room. "We need to clean him off of you... Pam, she needs something to wear."

I untied her shoes while the shower warmed, doing my best to be gentle when I lifted her feet. I reached up and unbuttoned her shorts, helping her to step out of them. "Eric? I'm sorry."

"Don't be. He attacked you." My dick twitched with every pulse of blood from her wound.

"Did I do something? Is it the blood?"

"It's the blood." Just saying it caused a twinge in my fangs as I stood to help her remove her shirt.

She nearly shoved her arm in my face. "Then help me out, will ya!? I'm getting blood everywhere and it _hurts_."

More than surprised by her offer, I was fighting guilt, blood lust, worry, bloodlust…

Sookie's arm had already started to bruise. She winced the first time I touched the wound, and the second. She pinched her eyes shut as I began, backing into the impossibly small shower stall while keeping her arm out for me to tend to.

The gash had slowly started to close and the water in the shower had finally started to run clear. Sookie seemed to be in a much less shaken state when she stepped out of the shower.

She smiled as I held a towel out for her. "Thank you."

"How are you feeling?"

She stretched up to kiss me. "Naked. Can we finish up so we can go home?"

10 minutes. It felt like forever, but in reality it only took 10 minutes to thank Bruce for his 'attention to detail' and explain to Pam to put a 'closed until further notice' sign on the door and to be at my house as soon as she rose tonight. I would have reminded her to make the call about the clothing if she hadn't done it the moment she stepped out of my office the first time.

We'd been in the car for only a few minutes when my phone started to ring. Even though I was expecting the call, it pissed me off to no fucking end that I had to let go of Sookie's hand to answer it. Until of course, her little hand found a home on my thigh.

Liam, petrified of me and for good cause, spent less than a minute telling me that the search party found a 'hole for two' just south of the halfway point between the Community House and Compton's house. Bill's bathtub was streaked with mud as were his floors and it already seemed like Bill had left town. He assured me that pictures were on the way and thanked me for thinking of them when I needed a favor. Ass kiss.

Sookie thought it was worth a laugh though. He was much more cordial with me than he had been when she met him… She declared that she didn't want to know why.

I only let her out of my sight so that she could get into her clothing instead of explaining to Adele why she came home barefoot in a Fangtasia T-shirt.

When I walked into the study, Bubba looked up from a book with a huge retarded grin on his face. He was reading Chicken Soup since Adele had dosed off.

I carefully lifted her, taking her to deposit her in bed and tuck her in.

When I got back to Bubba, he was still wearing his grin. "You was right about Miss Adele! I like her plenty."

I grinned at the simpleton. "She's a very kind woman."

"She invited me to visit her house, long as I promised to never mind her cat. Said she's got an extra room for when I'm passing through. We got on like fishing buddies. It's weird."

"I'm still getting used to it myself."

"Why they alright with us? She's no kind of scared 'a me. Your Sookie, she like that too?"

I nodded. "She is."

He snorted as he got up. "Don't see that much… I had fun though. I'll bodyguard 'em whenever."

I patted his shoulder as he walked by. "Thank you, Bubba. Pam assures me that your supper is waiting."

He smiled and darted for the door, leaving without another word.

I was standing in my house and it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks that I might miss Sookie. Ridiculous. She'd been with me nearly every waking minute for 4 days. I should be uninterested in her by now.

Yet, somehow, when her arms went around me from behind I found myself identifying 'happiness'. Another feeling that I'd lost sense of over the years.

I put my arms over hers. "How are you feeling? Better?"

She hummed against my back. "Clean. So yeah. Much better."

"If I had known he'd go after you…"

She snorted. "You'd have had me wait in the other room… If I'd known, I wouldn't have provoked him. Hindsight. Thank you for keeping me safe."

"I hardly kept you 'safe'. He could have killed you."

"But he didn't… Eric? What was up with you… you know, right after?" If anything would scare her off, this would…

"It's called bloodlust. I was doing my best to…" How the hell do I finish?

"Not fuck me to death?"

"That's one way to put it."

I felt something close to panic when her arms pulled away from me. When I turned, planning to catch her, explain, apologize… I wasn't given the chance.

Her hand was waiting to take hold of my head and pull me down.

When she pulled herself away, seemingly only for air she smiled. "Humans don't get that though."

I growled a 'no' into her neck as I lifted her, finding that she hadn't bothered with wearing anything under her robe.

She circled my hips with her legs. "Then explain why I was wishing that shower was bigger."

With her hands working between us, my belt and pants were open by the time we reached my room.

"Uh oh."

I almost asked what was wrong when I noticed that her eyes were locked on mine. She was already feeling the effects of Long Shadow's blood. "Well, now we know. Yes?"

She giggled against my neck. "I guess so."

"At least you can see what I'm up to now."

She whispered into my ear, "It doesn't matter. I trust you."

There's no way to explain what that simple statement did to me. It wasn't like I'd ever heard it before, in any tongue.

Shaking off the strange sensation it left behind proved to be harder than I thought.

Her innocence was still very much noticeable, but perhaps it was the bolus of vampire blood that changed her energy. It made me look forward to giving her mine.

Her legs seemed to hold her better as she experimented. She seemed to learn quickly that she really enjoyed grinding back and forth, much to my delight…

She enjoyed it enough that I had the claw marks on my chest to prove it for a while.

More than anything, I loved the way her tight little body felt around me. Her eagerness to learn aside, the way it felt to slide into her…

Hot, slick, firm and feeling her breath on me, gasping for more or begging for 'a minute'.

Learning her cues instead of 'just finishing'.

I couldn't remember another time that I'd bothered.

It really had been a great deal of long years.

I couldn't imagine getting bored with her. I tried.

Just as she had yesterday, she snuggled into my side with her leg hooked over mine. If it had been a clingy gesture, I'd have moved. She just seemed to like being close to me.

Her breath fell over my arm as she let a wide yawn. "Master, huh?"

"Sorry?"

"I give you 'mine' and you jump to 'master'. I see how it is."

"It was only…"

"Shut up. I know it was you being official… But I might start calling you my 'boyfriend' to humans if it gets out of hand."

"Boyfriend?"

She yawned again. "Sweetie pie."

"I don't think so."

"Snookums."

"Hell no."

"Honey bunch." She could _not_ be serious.

"Sookie."

She giggled sleepily into my side. "No… that's my name."

Sookie's breathing was slow and even, her heart was beating a hypnotic tempo… And it was ruined by my phone.

"What now, brat?"

"Are you with her?"

"Yes. Why?"

"We need to talk."

"She's sleeping."

"Then go to your room."

"Not that I need a mother, but I'm already in _my_ room."

"You… She's in your resting place?" Nosey.

"What do we need to talk about, Pam?"

"Hot Rain."

"Why do we need to talk about him? His child was stealing from me. End of story."

"He won't be happy that you killed his child in defense of a human."

"Not only is she my human, she's valuable. I would have killed him for the theft regardless. How have you managed? Did you get everything done?"

"Yes. You aren't going to talk to me about it."

"Not at the moment. I don't want to wake her."

"You know you could move away from her." And leave her warmth?

"No. I'll see you tonight."

As I started Bobby's email, Sookie stirred.

Not hardly awake, she tightened her grip and barely muttered. "Mmm. She's worried that you're keeping things from her. She'll blame me. Just tell her you like me."

I kissed her forehead, trying to dismiss the suggestion. "What makes you think I like you?"

She snorted, half smiling with her eyes still closed. "Mmm. Sorry. What was I thinking? I almost forgot I was falling for an asshole."

Falling for? As though I hadn't been speechless enough when she asked me about bloodlust… I stared at the top of her head unsure of what to say, if there was anything I could say.

It didn't take long, only a minute, maybe two, for Sookie to seem fully asleep again. As I ruminated over her sleepy confession she shifted little by little. I'd wanted to question the veracity of her 'cool side of the pillow' comment, but as her trust for me and the idea of her falling for me stirred thoughts unknown to me, her head moved a few inches, leaving a warmth behind to start a new one.

I was lost in her…

And almost waited until too late to finish Bobby's list.

_Bobby,_

_Your list for the day._

_Canterbury Tales is still on your list. Now I'm adding that I want a first edition of each of Laura Ingalls Wilder's books. _

_I'll be traveling with the Stackhouse ladies tonight. They'll need appropriate traveling apparel as well as luggage. They will be received by vampire of station. Don't be a fucking idiot. If they look like shit, I look like shit and I will beat you as though I'm waiting for candy to fall out._

_Contact the mortgage and utility companies that service the Stackhouse residence. Make sure that all of the bills are up to date and paid for the rest of the year. Sookie's leave of absence has become longer than expected. Make sure that there will be no bill collectors contacting them when they return. _

_Bananas. Plush, scented candles, recipe books, etc. Anything banana themed. I want to start a stockpile. In addition I want you to search the internet for banana gifs, jpgs, mov files... Start by arranging for immediate delivery of a pallet of real bananas to Bill Compton c/o the LeClerq Royal Suites, New Orleans._

_Not that you've earned it, but since I'll be in New Orleans for the next few days, you should have some time to relax. You'll have no chores except to complete the tasks I'm still waiting for. Pam's bracelet, books, pool repairs, bananas, tending to the Stackhouse homestead. Have the file on Bartlett Hale waiting in my safe when I return._

_One final note: I'm not sure what you did to make such an impression on Maxine Fortenberry, but as she sang your praises, she mentioned that you could 'be the May to her December anytime', whatever that means. Humans are strange. I gave her your contact information. Good luck with that._


	11. Chapter 11

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 11**

**Enlightened**

She wasn't there.

As my eyes opened, I was overwhelmed with the fact that she wasn't in the room with me. Even though it had only occurred the once, I found myself disappointed that it wasn't becoming a habit. For the best perhaps, since she would be leaving my house eventually. The idea of her leaving bothered me, _annoyed_ me more than I care to accept.

Perhaps I _was_ becoming a brat.

I reached for my phone to find that it had been put on its charger again.

I might have been pouting as I checked my messages and then went to bathe.

Sookie came in, wearing _that_ robe just as I was toweling off.

She was slightly out of breath with a laundry basket resting on her hip. "Crap. I meant to be here when you woke up, but Tina did _not_ want to get into her carrier."

I smiled and gave her a kiss. "Did you win?"

"Barely… Do you need help with anything? You didn't get to pack this morning."

I pointed to the basket. "What's this?"

"Your laundry… well, most of it. I gave the dry clean stuff to Bobby." Thoughtful, to say the least.

I took the basket from her and set it on the bed so that I could put my arms around her. "Thank you."

"So how much time do we have?"

"Not long. Pam will be here shortly and we have something to discuss."

"Uh oh. Are we going to need Gran?"

I chuckled at her. "I doubt it."

She winced, bracing herself. "Okay. Hit me."

"I want you to have my blood." She asked for it.

She growled loudly. "Oh! You'd better have a really good reason! _I'm_ supposed to have some diversity in _my_ diet!" I felt something between amusement and sympathy for her.

"There are a few reasons. All of them have to do with who we are visiting and how neither of us trusts her."

She whimpered, stomping her foot. "Ech. Alright, start talking."

"It would be expected. They may not believe that we are together if you arrive smelling like Bill and Long Shadow. If Bill still wants to contend that you are his, the queen would question why I hadn't given you my blood."

"I smell like them!?"

"Slightly. It would wear off like the other side effects... I believe that my being able to sense your feelings could be a very helpful tool."

She snorted. "Like I'm a tough egg to crack." Harder than she realized.

"Since you've only heard my thoughts once and you can't exactly whisper a warning to me in a room full of vampire if you hear something or feel threatened, if we were to get separated, I could sense your mood or where you are."

"Shit!" I waited, but that seemed to cover it. 'Shit' was all she had to offer on the subject.

I sat on the bed, pulling her into my lap as she seemed to be waiting for more explanation. "To be honest, I would have wanted for you to have my blood regardless. I would have waited to suggest it until the side effects of the other sharing had lapsed though… Sookie, I don't have any intentions of using the effects to control you. I'm not even sure that I could since you can't be glamoured."

She was cringing, biting her lip. "If we're right though and she's up to something to get to my telepathy, you're thinking that it might come in handy to kinda have a lowjack on me."

I might have laughed if her mood wasn't so down. "You don't have to."

"HA!" Not quite the reaction I expected.

"Ha?"

"Yeah. HA! _I 'don't have to'_… Like I don't need a seat belt… Like I don't need health insurance… HA!"

I took her face in my hands. "Sookie, I'm not doing this for my benefit."

She snarled and whined. "I know… but I don't have to be happy about it. If I keep having vampire blood, I'm gonna start getting _**sunburns**_."

I almost called her childish until I reminded myself that she'd had a week to adjust to the bullshit dealings of vampire. Instead, I chuckled and gave her a kiss. "I'm too selfish to give up the way you smell when you've been in the sun. I won't let that happen."

She finally smiled. "I thought of something today. Would it be possible for you to keep a hand on me or something?"

"You're inviting me to grope you?" I wiggled my eyebrows at her, trying to amuse her- even slightly.

At least she giggled. "Last night… your backrub was how I was able to go through the bar and listen to one brain at a time. It was like contact didn't just make it easier to block them out, it was like it was easier to focus." Interesting. That would explain why she was so quiet.

"I can try, but it would need to seem more possessive, protective. I couldn't sit with the Queen and her Second and massage you."

She lit up. "Really? That's better than nothing! Thanks."

I smiled at her. "Are you done stalling now?"

Her eyebrows came together and she pouted. "Yeah. I think that's all I had."

I couldn't help but laugh. "It's not so bad." She was without a doubt more anxious about having vampire blood than she'd been about sex even though she'd had blood twice already.

"Stop talking. What… Uh… How do we do this?"

"Are you sure?"

Sookie bit her lip and slapped my arm. "I'm gonna lose my nerve!"

"I'm going to bite into my wrist and you're going to suck from the wound. It'll close quickly so you can't hesitate. Are you ready?"

She shook her head, then nodded, and I started laughing again when she repeated the process. Finally, I kept a careful eye on her as I put my wrist to my mouth. Sookie watched warily as I bit a small hole, not wanting for her to get too much. She cringed, but didn't waver, taking my wrist in her hand and holding it to her mouth…

It wasn't the first time I'd gone through the process of feeding a human. It was however the first time it elicited such a response from _either_ party. As Sookie drew from the wound, I felt _everything_ instantly. From her angst about the trip to her trust in me… It was all there and it was overwhelming. I had never felt such a wash of emotion and as Sookie pulled her pouty lips away from my arm, she seemed far from herself.

Her pupils were dilated as she leaned over to kiss me, lacing her fingers into my hair. The bigger surprise came when she reached between us, wrapping her hand around my cock and moaning into my mouth as she stroked me. As I laid us back on the bed she only took her lips from mine to complain that her panties were in the way…

She shuddered and sighed, writhing with me in what became a desperate attempt to burn into one another.

We cared nothing for the world continuing around us, nothing more than us existed. It was insane _and_ lucid and I didn't fucking care.

Moreover, the sensation didn't end when we came. The mood took much longer to dissolve than just a meager fuck does.

Sookie stared up at me, dazed. "You didn't expect that to happen?" She seemed high.

"No." I was still waiting for my own body to relax.

"Was it too much? Like too much blood… too soon?"

"I wish I knew." If I thought it was safe, I'd do it again… now.

Her legs were still clenched around mine. Her arms were still leashed around me. And I could feel her heart hammering against my chest.

I couldn't find any reason to move until Pam 'cleared her throat' from the doorway.

Sookie blushed, but never took her eyes from mine.

I never looked back. "Give me a really good fucking reason to not end you."

I felt her realize what a mistake it was to come into my room without knocking. "I wouldn't have… The car was here when I arrived… an hour ago." Fuck. An hour?

"Get out..." Once the door closed behind Pam, I waited to make sure she was smart enough to go upstairs instead of eavesdrop. "…I'm afraid we're going to have to continue this later."

Sookie pouted, seemingly as disappointed as I was. If our plans included anyone but Sophie-Ann, our trip would have been postponed.

Pam sat next to Adele in the limo, staring at me apologetically. It was grating as fuck and the more annoyed I became, the more obscene her stare became whether I was looking or not.

Sookie, thankfully was noticing. She got my attention (and Pam's) by patting my knee. "Is it okay for us to venture out during the day?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"We'll be keeping vampire hours for the most part, but if we wanted to stretch our legs for a walk in the early evening or maybe do something silly like Madame Trousseaus…"

"I don't think that Rene will be a factor in New Orleans, but we should gage things. I'll see about an escort for you during the day."

She seemed deflated, unhappy that a reunion would be so joyless thanks to intrigue. She forced a smile. "Never mind. I'd rather you took us anyway."

"I'll make sure we have the time. Maybe Hadley will want to act as tour guide." The prospect didn't improve her mood at all. She limply rested her head against my shoulder for the rest of the drive. A 'small town girl' like Sookie should have been able to be excited to visit a town like New Orleans and because of the possibility of her appeal to the queen she had no more to look forward to than if she stayed in northern Louisiana. Even if my house in the Quarter was a change of scenery, it was no more than a commuted sentence. Understanding as much discouraged her… by extension, me.

Pam continued to stare.

I was hit with a mass of tension as the car headed up the tarmac and approached the plane, made only more noticeable by Sookie's physical stiffness. "We could still drive."

She grimaced. "No, no. I'll suck it up. I was just… I didn't know the plane was going to be… _a wind-up toy_."

I laughed and kissed her forehead. "It's not _that_ small."

"Does it have booze?"

"Most likely."

She snorted as she started to slide out. "Good. I'll have a drink and then sleep until we land… wait… do you mind if…"

I smiled at her, surprised that she'd ask. "Sookie, if you need a drink to calm your nerves, have a drink. Whatever you need." Touched, again, since the thought wouldn't, hadn't occurred to many.

Pam was staring at me… still. It was the kind of 'we need to talk' glare that you might imagine seeing between a couple who didn't want to argue in public and if she continued, she was going to find herself riding in the luggage hold.

While the driver loaded our bags Adele quickly made herself at home in the kitchenette, mixing drinks for Sookie and herself and warming a true blood for Pam without asking… or offering one to me. I was too curious as to why. Was it because she'd never seen me with one or if she knew that Sookie was filling the void. _That_ curiosity was going to nag at me more than Pam's.

Adele happily settled into one of the reclining seats with her drink and Wuthering Heights and leaned back with a relaxed smile on her face. "You are going to be solely responsible for my prideful trip to hell with all the spoiling you do."

I laughed at her. "We'll have to make sure to send your dear friend Maxine a post card or two from New Orleans. Maybe we'll be able to find a suitable souvenir for her."

Her grin became sinister. "I'm not sure that'll be necessary."

"Necessary no, but certainly fun… Adele, if you're going to credit me with your descent to hell, then rest assured I'll make sure you get there with bragging rights." I gave her a wink.

She gave a laugh and then turned to her book while Sookie snuggled up to me on the sofa.

It only took about half an hour for the hum of the plane and their drinks to lull Sookie and Adele to sleep, leaving Pam with her expectant stare. She was only safe from getting my foot up her ass because Sookie was using me as a pillow.

"Eric."

"Tread lightly. Sookie isn't a heavy sleeper and your leering has worn my last nerve."

"She's had your blood."

"Brilliant. Is there anything else?"

"You've never…"

"…Not since you. I'm quite fucking aware. Again, is there anything else?"

"You're being an asshole."

"Didn't I tell you to tread lightly?"

"You're treating me like I'm a stranger. You aren't telling me anything. You never keep me in the dark. What the hell is going on?"

"What do you feel like I'm not telling you?"

"I don't know. You've suddenly made friends with an old woman and now have a telepathic growth…"

"Growth? You seriously need to stop. Since, in your long history you have never known me to share blood or claim a human as mine, one could rationally assume that I have my reasons and not try to provoke me."

"I don't… Eric… I… I get that her ability makes her valuable. I'm not daft. I'm just trying to understand the rest."

"Her ability isn't what makes her valuable; it's what makes her fragile."

I'd clearly confused her. "Now I'm completely lost. Thanks."

"She's not just a pet, Pam. It's that simple."

She started staring again. Her mind was running through her myriad of conversational options, most of them would piss me off. "Bullshit. Not with you. Nothing is that simple. You've had assets before that you didn't share your resting place with, share blood with, protect, claim. What the fuck?"

She hadn't chosen wisely. "Pamela, we're done."

"No."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Do you love her?"

"I just told you that we're done."

"Eric. You might be, but I'm not. I've known you too long and even that imbecile Bubba seems to have more insight than you've given me. I want answers. I deserve them. Do you _love_ her?"

"I _don't_ know." Fuck. She's going to pay for this. Maybe I'll arrange to have her garage catch fire. Bye-bye Dior, Hermes, Coco, Dooney & Bourke.

She gasped theatrically. "You _**DO**_!"

"Shut up."

"Eric…"

"Pamela, I just told you that I don't know. That is the closest to an answer that you're getting for now. Not another word. I meant it. Shut up, _now_."

She opened her mouth as though she was going to foolishly push me further and thought better of it in favor of watching Sookie make herself more comfortable.

She wriggled down, turning her back to Pam to use my leg as her pillow. She started to mutter in her sleep at a barely audible volume. "Y'all fight like me and Jason… 'cept you're both smart _and_ stubborn as hell…"

She was accurate enough that we both smiled at her.

"…Eric, you've known her long enough to know she isn't gonna shut up… Pam you've known him long enough to know he won't admit it. Now y'all hush. I'm trying to miss the flight."

I was right about one thing. They're both fucking brats.

Pam stared at Sookie with a raised eyebrow for a while before speaking yet again. "Is she back to sleep?"

"You'd run your fucking mouth anyway, but I don't think her brain completely shuts down."

"Another topic then?" Fucking please.

I gave Pam a cautioning nod.

"You mentioned a guard, but you said that the killer wasn't an issue."

"The triplets found the grave. Compton was going to secure her by turning her. Sophie-Ann may only be using Hadley's 'homesickness' as a con. I want to stay vigilant."

She gave me a very cooperative nod. "What do we do about Compton?"

"If Sophie-Ann isn't already punishing him, he's _mine_."

"Do you think Hadley's part of a plot?"

"I'm unsure. She never seemed terribly advanced in the intellectual arena. What most likely happened was that Hadley was pining over her family and mentioned Sookie's ability in passing."

"Or she was being punished and shared to 'get out of jail free'."

I nodded. "Another option. We can't be sure. I think the best indicator will be Compton's presence at court."

"Meaning?"

"He gave up too easily that the queen sent him. I'd barely laid a hand on him. If I were her, sending that prick to secure an asset, his plan A would be to hire her. Plan B would be to turn her if she was uncooperative and plan C would be to throw out the genealogical connection as a diversion to lure her to New Orleans so Sophie-Ann could do it herself as a contingency plan."

Pam smiled at me. "But we both know that she isn't as smart as you."

"Smart and devious aren't the same thing. We're on an even playing field in that aspect. Being smarter just gives me a slight advantage since it's more than likely escaped her that I've sifted through her possible maneuvers."

"Knowing that Sookie is yours though…"

"If I were in her position, I'd accept that a loyal sheriff had acquired an asset he's willing to share, but she is greedy. I fucking hate variables."

"You'd be willing…"

"To let her work for the queen? As her escort and handler? Yes. It's favorable to being assassinated and letting Sookie be turned as a slave."

"You could just gift wrap her. Hand her over. You know how the Queen loves to have her derrière polished."

"Not an option."

Pam made the mistake of mumbling mischievously, "_Because you love her_."

The closest thing I could reach that wasn't bolted down was Sookie's glass, but when I reached for it Sookie grabbed my wrist quickly enough that it surprised me. Her eyes were still closed. _My blood._

She still seemed asleep but slightly stern as she spoke. "Stop fighting. Don't you think we have enough to deal with?"

As much as I hated to do it in front of Pam, I agreed with her and set the glass back in its holder.

"Pam?"

"Yes, Sookie?"

"Whether he loves me, likes me or is just faking benevolence for the exploitation of my unique ability, I have saved your bar thousands this week at no cost to you. Have the decency to not make me the butt of your bitchy jokes… Please. I can get that in spades from the uneducated rednecks in Bon Temps."

Pam tilted her head in surprise. "Of course, Sookie."

"Thank you." Sookie punctuated the end of her statement by wrapping her arm around my thigh and snuggling in. I waited, monitoring her. Her heartbeat, breathing, body temperature never altered… Sookie _had_ been 'sleeping' through her exchange with Pam…

I raised an eyebrow at Pam. "Anything else that you'd like to discuss?"

Pam licked her smirking lips. "Have I mentioned how much I like her?"

Fucking brat. She was lucky that my arms weren't longer.

"She works for a shifter."

Pam was surprised by my sudden mention. Her lip curled. "Really? Out in the sticks?"

I nodded. "He seems to be a typical hermit. He tried posturing with me."

She snorted out a sudden chortle. "That's rich… Bon Temps… That's near Hotshot?"

"It is. Sookie didn't know other than Merlotte's brain is just 'different'. I spoiled his secret. Rubbed his nose in it, as it were."

"It isn't fair. You keep all the fun for yourself."

"What's the saying? Oh yes… bite me."

She snorted and decided to be curious. "So how is he different?"

"Apparently, humans are a hodgepodge. A complicated mess of images and inner monologues…"

Her eyebrows went up, snobbishly. "No shock there."

I agreed with a nod. "Vampire are what she describes as a chasm. A simple void. She found my resting place because she could feel my brain, like a bubble."

"She can't read our thoughts?"

"No. She believes that perhaps, since we are dead we have no brain waves. Since she's the only telepath, I suppose we'll have to take her word on the matter."

"You've tested her, I assume."

"Of course." There just some things that a sweet little country girl like Sookie wouldn't be able escape a reaction to. Certain, more _public_ deeds for instance.

"What about the shifter? Fae? Can she identify the other breeds?"

"Unless we have the opportunity to test her in New Orleans, I'm going to call Flood and ask him to loan me some 'extra security' for an evening. Just to see if there is a difference between Were and Shifter… I'm sure the other breeds will rear their ugly heads eventually. She described her Shifter's brain as pulsing and snarled."

Pam's lip turned up. "Instead of having them stink up the bar, couldn't you just take her to make out in the parking lot of that Were bar across town?"

"Don't pretend as though you don't enjoy walking the occasional dog, brat." Or that she knows for a fact how dimly lit that parking lot is...

"Ok… no more Sookie talk, what about the old woman?"

"Would you show _some_ breeding? You are obscene."

"What about the _elderly lady_ then?"

"Twat. She's interesting, accepting, and tolerant to a degree we do _NOT_ see. The night that I was introduced to her, Sookie gave her no warning that I am a vampire, yet the woman shook my hand and knew instantly. Rather than recoil from my colder than usual hand, she offered a true blood with a smile and welcomed me into her house. No fear…"

"Wait, why was your hand colder…?"

"I had the air conditioning on for Sookie… Sookie 'warned' _me_ that Adele would be curious about the times I've seen come and go. It seems that she treated Compton with the same innocent curiosity. I've grown _very_ fond of her."

"Bubba raved about Mizz Uh'day-ell. He said that she was the friendliest human he'd ever met."

I chuckled at the poor fool's appreciation. "She might be the friendliest human _I've_ ever met."

"What about this Jason?"

"He's a walking hard on with no social graces or gage on propriety. Sookie came to Fangtasia because this killer has ended two of _his_ bedmates so he looked like the culprit to the local cops… The killer found his victims because Jason was so gallant as to mention that they had markings to his coworkers. He's very beautiful, but genetics failed him for acumen. I assume that it came from the mother's side of the family… _considering_."

I noticed a smile start to form on Adele's lips as she lifted her hands to rub her eyes. "Don't be mean. He's still my grandbaby."

I snorted at her. "Would you prefer I call him 'brain damaged'?"

She chuckled. "Oops. That _was_ me, wasn't it?"

I gave her a smile. "I believe it was."

"He's lazy. He doesn't read because TV is faster. He romances every girl he can because there isn't any work involved in just sleeping with them…" She cleared her throat and raised a critical eyebrow in my direction causing me to laugh. "…He works on the road crew because he can see what he's accomplished right away. He's impatient… and his father was the same way, God love him. Their momma was just selfish. She didn't treat Sookie any different from the rest of the fools in town that were scared of her."

Pam narrowed her eyes at Adele, probing further. "She's only a telepath. Why would they be fearful?"

"You know those starlets on the covers of the tabloids, the ones that 'hate' the paparazzi, the ones that say they live in fear that every mistake will end up on the front page of a fire starter? They're 'scared' of the paparazzi because it's easier to complain about the photographer than to wear panties and not trip over themselves drunk... There's the folks in town who aren't 'spooked', but they're decent people. Like the stars who simply roll their eyes with a cringe because they can't take their kids to school or eat a lunch with out unwanted attention. The ones that behave and just want some damn privacy." I forgot to mention 'leveling' in her list of attributes. The woman could explain nearly anything in recognizable terms.

"So all of Bon Temps knows about her gift?"

"That's complicated. Most everyone has heard something. They all believe what they want. Very few _understand_."

"She might as well be a vampire, all things considered."

Adele chuckled. "If what I've heard about your physical enhancements is accurate, that would probably not make her very happy. She could rise and have no peace because she could finally hear vampire thoughts." Shit.

Pam's eyes grew, sensing my irritation at the suggestion. She knew better than to say anything though. "Is everyone quite sure that she can't hear vampires? She could be scared to be honest on the matter. Understandably, but still…"

I nodded. "Not only have I tested her, but she's been to Fangtasia during the 'dinner rush' three times now. If she could hear us, she'd have gotten sick from the barrage. She would have seen a feeding frenzied orgy mentally."

Pam nodded, but didn't have the chance to reply as Sookie awoke…

"Am I missing all the fun?"

I smiled and kissed her forehead as she sat up. "No. We were briefing Pam on you."

"Oh. You were being boring then. How long have I been out?" She stretched her arms over her head.

"Most of the flight, except for the two times we woke you."

"You woke me up? Oh God. Was I talking in my sleep?" I didn't detect even a degree of deceit. She _truly_ didn't remember.

"You mumbled at us that you were trying to sleep." Not a complete truth, yet avoiding a lie… and a subject that could get Pam staked.

She blushed. "I'm _soooo_ sorry!"

Pam raised an eyebrow at her. "Forgiven. It's a fact that easily escapes us. Noise isn't a factor in regards to our 'rest'… You seem to have succeeded though. We're landing soon."

Sookie grinned and turned to peer out of a portal. She was awash with excitement for only a moment before she seemed to extinguish the sensation and gloom became more prevalent. I didn't fucking like it one bit that she would get little to no enjoyment out of this outing.

"Sookie, you and Adele will need to brainstorm so that Pam and I can make sure you don't get bored waiting for Hadley to be available."

Sookie grinned weakly, but since Adele wasn't aware of the underlying risk she brightened in an instant. "Would it be cliché to get a vampire to take us on a haunted trail?"

I laughed. "Yes, but not as laughable as dragging him to a damned _renaissance_ fair. If you ladies want to go ghost hunting, we'll go ghost hunting."


	12. Chapter 12

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 12**

**Nerves**

Landing was far more stressful to Sookie than take off. Had she been wrapped around a human's arm as tightly as she was around mine, she might have caused nerve damage. Even once the plane finally came to a stop, she was still holding on for 'dear life'.

I found myself concluding that a bond could prevent her distress.

She seemed paralyzed, catatonically frozen in tension.

"Sookie?"

Nothing, even as I put my hand on hers. Her eyes were seemingly fixed on the empty drink holder in Pam's armrest. Adele seemed not just curious, but concerned.

"Eric, can you get away from her? The contact…" Sookie must've mentioned that contact with vampires proved to be a sensory change.

I pried her fingers away from my arm and moved away from her as gently as I could.

The three of us didn't need to wait long before Sookie's eyes found mine. She immediately took on a baffled look.

"I'm sorry. I guess it worked too well."

Pam and I shared a look. "What worked? You seemed petrified."

She eyed me sheepishly. "I uh… I kinda hid… I could feel your brain when I was trying not to freak out and I… it was so quiet."

I might have laughed slightly. "You hid in my 'bubble'."

She cringed. "Yeah. I just… I concentrated on how calm it is instead of how scared I was."

Pam started laughing as I sat back, waiting for the doors to be opened with Sookie. She muttered 'bubble brain' so quietly that Adele didn't hear it, but it did earn her a vicious look from Sookie.

I could hear the cart engine as the stairs were being situated and the clamor of the workers on the tarmac. We waited quietly. Sookie grimaced at how wrinkled her skirt had gotten while she rested. She smoothed it and fiddled restlessly until I took her hand, trying to assure her that it couldn't be helped.

It only took a moment, but Sookie's look changed. She felt suspicious. "Eric, who are you expecting?"

I was concerned instantly. "There are several people out there tending to the landing gear and luggage… I'm only expecting a driver though."

She shook her head slightly, her feelings approaching paranoid range. "There's 3 vampire… about a hundred feet away." Shit. Let the games begin.

"Can you nonchalantly peek out to describe them?"

After a moment of seemingly deep thought, she huffed out a deep breath and turned around, speaking directly against the window. "What the hell's taking so long? It only took 'em a minute to pull the steps away when we left!" Very sharp. She chose to use impatience as her pretense. Pam recognized her scheme and gave an impressed nod in my direction while Sookie seemingly tried to catch a view of the attendants' progress.

Sookie turned around, playing up her annoyance and flopped back into her seat. "There's one standing by a limo. He looks like a blond boy dressed up like a bodyguard and the other two are in the car.

Shit. Andre. And he brought two 'unknowns' with him. "Front or back?"

"One in front and one in the back. The one in the back is moving around a lot." Vampire don't tend to fidget. Curious.

"Anything else?"

"One of the luggage guys is trying to figure out how his wife managed to drop the transmission in his truck and one of the mechanics had something for dinner that didn't agree with him."

I smiled at her while Pam called her a 'smart ass'.

We emerged from the plane slowly as I held a hand of each Stackhouse lady. Sookie was holding my hand for the simple reason of liking to, while Adele was intimidated by the steep, unsteady stairs. She rested her hand on my arm as she had the night before as soon as she was on solid ground again.

Andre, as per his usual, was uninterested in his task. Personally, I'd have been more than pissed to be sent to 'fetch' visitors like a welcome wagon as Second to the queen.

"Northman. Ravenscroft."

We faked a genial nod for the prick. "Andre. What did you do to be sent as a chauffeur?"

That got a reaction out of him. I'd earned myself a fangy little sneer. Adorable. "The Queen has sent me to greet your companions and apologize that she is unavailable tonight. I am to invite you all to join her first thing tomorrow evening."

"Certainly. Has Compton checked in with the Queen yet?"

Andre showed his creepy smile. "Bill Compton hasn't bothered yet, no. Are there messages regarding his behavior?"

I gave him a slow nod. "If the queen is feeling charitable, I'd appreciate being present when she sees him. It seems we uncovered his intentions to turn Sookie so that he could win favor. From what we've learned, he was planning to leverage the queen for the use of Sookie's unique ability."

"Ability?" Fucking liar. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Sookie is a telepath. She can read human minds. In fact she's solved a couple of mysteries this week alone."

"Human minds? Not Supernaturals?"

"Not vampire, certainly. She has a friend who is Shifter that is only a sporadic read at best. The small town she lives in doesn't see a lot of traffic so she has limited exposure."

He gave me an understanding nod. "Arrangements can be made to test her in regards to the other breeds, as well as the extent of her accuracy with humans."

This fucking game was already wearing my patience. "She won't disappoint." I risked a look at Sookie, whose mood was concerned. Undoubtedly, her anxiety was caused by Andre's consideration of her as a slave to be scrutinized before purchase. Yet, she was smiling at him cheerfully, as was Adele.

"If she's as good as you say she is, the queen may very well be interested in coming to an agreement about her services."

I gave him a nod, hoping to end the conversation soon. I'd never liked Sophie-Ann's little sycophant henchman. "I'm positive that we can come to an amicable arrangement." …As though I'd have a choice in the matter.

The little ass kiss smiled that he'd get to tell the queen that I would be willing to share 'my toy'. "I'm sure she'll be pleased to hear of your agreeability. In the meantime, the car will be transporting you to your house and will stay with you until Hadley needs to return from her reunion."

Hadley's reunion? The restless vampire in the back seat. It makes sense now.

Before I had to force more platitudes, Andre melodramatically sped away in a blur. It only took a moment for the back door of the limo to open once he'd left.

Adele's grip around my arm tightened as a spidery leg extended to the asphalt, followed by the other. The woman started to tremble and it started to feel as though Hadley was drawing things out intentionally as I pulled my arm back and wrapped it around Adele's shoulder. She all but became part of me, burying herself into my side.

Feeling less tension since Andre's theatrical departure, Sookie released my hand to take her post as an emotionally supportive bookend.

Adele was a nervous wreck by the time Hadley finally pulled herself from the car.

She seemed to be using the door as a shield for a moment as she stared at her grandmother without a bit of emotion on her face.

The fact that she acknowledged me, then Pam with a nod before she greeted her grandmother irked me.

Pam, impatient and impertinent as she is, seemed just as annoyed by Hadley's behavior as I was. "Lord! Hadley, you might be immortal, but Gran isn't! You're going to give her a damned heart attack."

Hadley shot her a dirty look. "She's scared."

Pam scoffed at her. "Scared is the last thing she is. She's thought you were eating out of garbage cans for years. You're seeing excitement. You should've seen her getting ready to leave tonight."

Hadley's waif-like frame finally made its way around the door slowly and came to stand directly in front of me, giving another nod. "Sheriff… She's yours?"

"Only in protection." It was pleasant to see she didn't have any conceit about being the child of a queen (unlike Andre).

"Sookie is yours." Adele's sniffle brought my attention to her nerve-wracked tears.

I nodded, impatiently. "Yes."

"Why didn't Jason come?"

"His work schedule wouldn't allow it. He was very disappointed that he couldn't make the trip."

She betrayed her surprise. "He wanted to come… see me like this?"

I was about to tell her that somehow she ended up with the first family I'd ever heard of to be relieved to discover their kin had been turned, but Pam's irritation was becoming too much for her.

"If you don't hurry up and hug your Gran, I'll brain you, wait for it to heal and brain you again!"

As Sookie laughed, I saw in my periphery that she held her hand out behind her… and watched my brat 'slap her 5'.

Sookie finally made a move, letting go of Adele's hand and surprising her cousin with a hug. She chuckled as their faces were pressed together. "Of course you'd be a bitch and die a size four. You'll be thinner than me forever."

Hadley closed her eyes, smiling slightly. "I've missed you guys."

"Not knowing's been hard. We missed you too."

By the time Sookie stepped away from her cousin, Adele was beside herself. She stepped back and took Adele's place at my side as she finally had the chance to greet her 'grandbaby'…

Their embrace began silently, both of them crying and Sookie seemed startled to see Hadley's bloody tears.

"Mama's really gone?"

"Yeah, baby she is. You should come home to say a proper goodbye when you can."

Hadley's tears started falling faster as she whimpered 'home'.

"Of course 'home'. I'll bet the sheriff will tell me how to make the guest bedroom safe for you. Light tight and all."

We all watched as her hold on Adele got tighter.

"She's good to you, right? Your vampire?"

Hadley's surprise was aimed in my direction. I'm sure she was questioning how much I had told 'Gran'. It wasn't something I discussed with her, but it didn't mean that she hadn't come to the conclusion herself. Risking a look over to Pam, her raised eyebrow told me that she was just as taken aback by Adele's acceptance of her granddaughter's 'sexually unorthodox vampire' status.

When her eyes met mine, I gave her a steady stare. One day, perhaps within the next century with some luck, Pam might stop second guessing me.

"Yeah, Gran. She is."

"You happy, baby? Other than being homesick?"

She let a chuckle. "That's not such a problem anymore."

"No. I guess not."

Sookie, Pam and I sat quietly during the drive to my house, watching the reunion unfold.

Adele gently admonished Hadley for not coming home or calling for so long, not understanding that the Stackhouses were a rarity. Pam only broke her silence to explain that even now, rising as a vampire normally meant that family was no longer an option.

Adele sympathized, petting Hadley's face and assuring her that she should have known better than to expect 'that nastiness' from her.

The maid was waiting for us at the garden gate. She enjoyed her job far more than her Shreveport counterpart. Bobby seemed to do as little as he could get by with, while Paulette showed an impressive level of initiative. She was salaried and for the most part only spends a few hours each week tending to the garden, but on the rare occasion she _was_ called to ready the house for a stay, she never disappointed.

When I spoke to her this morning (without a complaint in regards to the hour of my call) she seemed eager to prepare the house. She'd rattled away her list of usual laundry, dusting, and airing out. Her shock that I would have humans in tow was eclipsed by the question of groceries, catering or takeout menu options and reminded me of a few things that wouldn't have occurred to me such as toiletries and pet supplies.

Her hand went out to immediately introduce herself to Sookie and Adele and directed the driver to take the luggage to the landing on the second floor as she ushered us through the garden. She made it a point to explain to the ladies that the drawback to the garden they'd complimented was the chronic presence of bees, warning them about allergies that I wouldn't have thought of.

She'd escorted us to the kitchen so that she could familiarize Sookie and Adele with the food items she'd purchased and where everything was stored as well as showed them the laundry room where she'd taken care of the cat's supplies before she took her leave explaining that she'd be back in the morning to take care of anything they needed and making mention of the special errands Pam and I had given her.

The clothing that had been ordered from Pam's chosen boutique had been picked up and been put away in respective rooms. The den had been supplied with an assortment of classics for Adele to enjoy and there was a stack of brochures for different attractions and events on the breakfront in the hall for them to peruse.

I really _had_ tried to convince her to relocate to Shreveport. Sadly, she was quite attached to her family and her coven.

Hadley seemed impatient as Paulette had given the Stackhouse ladies a mini-tour, even more so when their first order of business was releasing and tending to the cat.

After she mentioned that she hadn't seen Tina since it was a kitten she turned her sneer to me. "I wouldn't have figured you to be a cat person."

I raised an eyebrow. "How spoiled you young vampire are to not realize how helpful a cat can be. Rodents tend to nibble. Had you ever had to wait to regenerate a digit, you'd appreciate the feline as a superior alternative." It wasn't as though I'd ever named one, but I'd owned many. There was a time when Europe's rodent population outnumbered humans and I refused to be lower on the food chain then anything with a tail.

Adele starting laughing, but apologized quickly. "I'm sorry! I was wondering why you wouldn't mind having an animal around. It never occurred to me!"

I smiled at her amusement. The concept could have repulsed her, but there was a darkness to her sense of humor that I valued.

Pam furthered the point with a nod. "They make a vehement bodyguard. I understand that it's one of the primary reasons for the ancient Egyptian preoccupation with cats. I have two of my own out of habit."

Sookie giggled. "Are they hairless so they don't shed on your clothes?"

When I started laughing, Pam stared at us humorlessly in turn. "You think you're funny don't you?"

Sookie's laughter grew. "Oh my God! They are?" This pair was named Versace and Armani; hideous and comical.

All I could do is nod as Pam fumed. I was too busy laughing and fully appreciating that in addition to everything else about her, Sookie could shut Pam up.

Pam was still refusing to speak to us when I led the Stackhouse ladies upstairs to show them their rooms. I took Adele's luggage to her room first and put it on the settee for her. She seemed a tad disappointed at first, until I pulled the wall of blackout curtains away from the floor to ceiling windows for her. Her eyes lit up as she peered out, jokingly asking if it was alright for her to sleep on the balcony. I'd have welcomed her to if it weren't for the railing being covered in honeysuckle and bougainvillea so I invited her to sleep with the windows open rather than risk waking up covered in bee stings. I even double checked the screens in the case that she wasn't joking.

The dresser had a fresh arrangement of flowers from the garden and Paulette had filled the bathroom with an assortment of toiletries. Adele seemed more than pleased with her accommodations. She actually told Sookie to take 'good care' of their house back in Bon Temps because she wasn't leaving… ever. Her reason: "The devil was the only fool to leave heaven."

As I turned to show Sookie to our room, Adele caught my arm startling Hadley. "She's family and a vampire, what does that do for protocol?" Good question.

I smiled at Adele. "Hadley, turn around." She showed confusion before she took the order and Adele immediately hugged me, chuckling at the joke and thanking me for bringing her for the visit.

Pam's luggage had already been taken from the hallway. She was pouting.

As Sookie and I took our luggage to my room, she smiled up at me. "I like Paulette. She's very friendly."

"Bobby isn't?" I'll kill him. _Slowly_.

"Paulette is _really_ friendly and even her curiosity is friendly. Bobby's is faked and his curiosity is nasty."

Now my interest was piqued. She squeaked when I picked her up and carried her to the bed, laying down with her. "Tell me how they differ."

"Paulette was excited to have the extra work. She's relieved that we seem nice because it'll be fun to have someone to chat with while she tends to things. She hopes you're happy with her work. She's curious about us since you've never brought humans along with you before and hopes you can trust us while you're resting." I really needed to convince her to move to Shreveport.

"Do I want to know about Burnham?"

She raised an eyebrow at me, shaking her head.

I growled. "Tell me anyway."

"Bobby hopes you get bored with me soon because he's sick of the 'extra bullshit' you make him do. He can't figure out what you see in 'pudgy white trash' like me and he's trying to figure out if Gran's blood is better because it's aged or if you like it powdered." Tina might end up enjoying Bobby pâté after all.

"I'll start looking for his replacement." It'll explain why he isn't working anymore… maybe not why Tina puts on some weight…

She giggled and snuggled under my chin. "Don't do that. You can't help what you think."

"I don't care if it's aloud or not, he's insulting you and Adele. I won't have him behave like that. He was told when he was hired that he represents me. If his thoughts are that rude in my home, I can't trust that he's behaving appropriately on errands."

She giggled again. "I'll go along with that, but you're going to need to come up with something better for Pam. She'll see right through it." Sassy brat.

"I suppose you should return to your family."

"Because you're annoyed with me or because you need to talk to Pam because we hurt her feelings laughing at her?"

"Because you haven't seen Hadley in 5 years."

"We were never very close. She preferred Jason to me. I'm just giving her some time with Gran."

"Jason?" Who the fuck would prefer Jason to Sookie?

"Yeah. Another case of my ability screwing things up. It freaked them both out. You saw how upset Jason got when I did it to him."

"And I saw what Long Shadow looked like when he thought you'd done it to him." Not to mention how terrified she was to have heard an impartial thought from me.

"So it's easy to see why I'm not terribly popular with humans."

"Yes, but she's not human anymore. You should spend some time with her so it isn't perceived that I was keeping you from her."

She huffed, blatantly pouting. "Fine. Will you pull rank and save me when it's time for bed?"

"Sookie, are you asking me to collect my _pet_?"

She started sliding to the edge of the bed with a beguiling grin across her lips. "Don't swagger, _Master_…"

I twitched, knowing she was mocking me… I still had a reaction to the way that word sounded crossing her lips.

"…We still need to discuss what happened earlier."

I raised my eyebrows at her as she dug through her bag to pull out some nightclothes. "Possibly explore it further."

She smirked at me. "I guess that would depend on how long you leave me. Wouldn't it?"

When I knocked on the door to Pam's room she ignored me. She was behaving like a child and after watching Sookie change, there were other things I'd rather be taking care of.

I went in anyway, as she knew I would, just to get an 'eat shit' look from her.

"What are you being a brat about specifically?"

"I'm more than a little annoyed that you have obviously spoken to her about me more than you've spoken to me about her." Insolent, spoiled brat.

"She's been living at my house for nearly a week. We've had more than a few conversations. Pray tell, what would you like to know about Sookie?" She had to know by now that she was walking a fine line. Even if she'd forgotten our long history together, my tone shouldn't offer any misunderstanding.

I took up residence in the chair in the corner of her room while she stared at me. "What have you told her about me?"

"That you're a whore to fashion and that you're loyal."

"That's all? That's all you've told her about me?"

"Why is that a problem? I assumed that you'd be a bitch if I had given her your biography in whole."

"I'm not being a bitch. You love her and want to turn her and you've said nothing about her to me other than to explain her ability. Considering your little practical joke a few years ago, I'm not sure how you expected me to believe it." I almost laughed remembering her reaction to being 'cursed' by a gypsy. She filed a police report over her 'evaporating clothes' and hired Were trackers to find the 'gypsy'. Stephen King's Thinner was good for nothing, if not inspiration… and ridding her wardrobe of her vast collection of goucho pants.

"Pamela, I'm beginning to wonder if you will ever learn to not push me."

"What do you know about her?"

Irritating as her attitude was, the only solution when she gets like this is to give the brat what she wants. I rattled away the list of what I'd learned of Sookie and Adele over the past few nights. Her life story included but wasn't limited to her life in Bon Temps, her parents' death, their home, her job, their only family being Hadley who isn't alive and Bartlett who wouldn't be for long…

And then I waited for her reaction to the details of Sookie Stackhouse's life.

Pam melodramatically threw a shoe at me. "That doesn't tell me anything about them!" Why did I ever call her from Minnesota?

"Crazy bitch, what do you want to know then?"

"About _her_. Not public record information that I can learn from a $10 web search!"

"Then ask me something specific. Sookie is the mind reader."

"Favorite colors, family vacations, television shows they like, why they aren't afraid of vampire… That's the sort of thing I want to know." I'm dumping crazy glue in her underwear drawer when we return to Shreveport.

"Sookie's favorite color is blue. Adele's is pink. Since Adele was already widowed and on Social Security when her son died, there wasn't any money for family vacations. She took them to church activities and to the pond behind her son's old house to swim and fish. They don't watch television often because they prefer to read. They aren't afraid of vampire based on the belief that just because vampire could kill them doesn't mean that they would. Adele claims that with silver load in her shotgun she could do just as much damage to me… happy now?"

She'd frozen. Stopped in the middle of the floor with her mouth open and a stack of her clothing in her hands. "You're serious."

"I am."

"You bothered to remember all of that? You don't bother yourself with most humans' names and you remember all of that?" There are times when I think she might be awarding herself points for pissing me off.

"Are you aware of how exasperating you are?"

She laughed. "Me? You were on the verge of a killing spree to alleviate your ennui and you've suddenly found remedy in a fresh faced little redneck. Now you've made a joke out of my predictability because you've completely deviated from everything I've ever known of you. You, Eric, are the pisser." _One of these days, Alice, bang zoom… right to the moon…_

"Pisser? Your girlfriends are rubbing off on you."

"That's what I keep them for." I should have turned a man.

"Are you going to fester the entire time we're here?"

"No. I'm sick of being kept in the dark though. Even if you won't _say_ why, you _are_ attached to her. I need to know about her, be friends with her to a point so that it will make protecting her easier. If I'm put in a position to guard your little telepathic friend, then I'd prefer to not suffer an awkward silence… I do enjoy Adele though. We talked while we were waiting for you two. She's intriguing to say the least."

"What did you two talk about?"

"We discussed how excited she was to see Hadley. She wondered if I had met her. She wondered if I knew if Hadley was 'involved' with someone. She didn't show much reaction to the news that she was 'with' the queen. I only told her so that the information would have the chance to sink in. I didn't want the old woman to have a coronary if her first meet with Hadley included some of Sophie-Ann's more intimate behavior."

"Adele is astoundingly tolerant. Sookie says that she believes that since no two people are exactly alike, focusing in on differences turns every man into an island. She's known as a friend to all in their tiny town. After the meeting last night, I believe it. It seemed like everyone there greeted her. She must have promised 20 breads and pies when she returns 'from vacation'."

"Vacation!? That's what she considers being sequestered in your house?"

I nodded. "She may want to be interred in my study. She's been quite upbeat about her circumstances."

"She's an excellent sport to be taking things so well. Her grandson is Boo Radley. Her granddaughter is the target of a murderous bigot. Her other granddaughter is a dead lesbian. And she's happily in the protective custody of… _you_."

I stood to leave her. She'd pushed enough of my buttons for one evening. "They are enjoyable company. Perhaps you'll remove your head from your ass long enough to find out while we're here."

"You might be interested to know that I have no problems with them. You're sudden secrecy and mood change are the nuisance. You've become that cliché... The guy that alienates everyone for a chippy."

"Pam, I've humored your curiosity more than I wanted to. Feel free to question Sookie if you want to know more about her, but our relationship is off limits. Adjust to that truth or move on."

"Eric?"

I didn't look back as I left her room. "It's your choice, just like behaving like a jealous twat."

There was a riot of laughter behind Adele's door as I knocked.

Sookie swung the door open wearing a bright (possibly grateful) smile almost immediately, but the room had become quiet.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I ladies?" My hands were in my pockets, but Sookie wrapped herself around one of my arms. She might not enjoy the term 'pet', but she certainly put on a good showing.

Adele smiled from her seat on the edge of her bed. "Of course not. We were just catching up. There's quite a gap to cover."

"I'm sure."

"Would it be an imposition for Hadley to stay for the day and just go with us tomorrow?" Hadley's look was expectant, childlike.

"Have you spoken to Sophie-Ann?"

"I have my own apartment."

"Regardless, you're in the house of another vampire. You need to clear your plan with your maker. The room next to this one is light tight if she approves and the refrigerator has plenty of true blood. Have at least two before going to rest."

She dug into her purse, nodding as I spoke and pulled out her cell phone.

I watched Sookie fake a yawn right away. Bad acting. "You're tired?"

She nodded. "Haven't been getting much sleep. A couple of hours here and there." She looked like she wanted to kick me, making it hard to not laugh at her horrible little lie.

"Then you should get some rest."

"I guess so."

I waited while Sookie gave a kiss goodnight to Adele and Hadley…

…No sooner than the door was closed behind us, Sookie slapped my stomach and smiled up at me.

I mouthed, "What?"

She barely whispered, "You owe me a kiss for that."

When I bent to humor her, her arms went around my neck before our lips touched. She held us together until I lost patience for 'just a kiss'. I slid my hands under her ass, lifting her and moving towards our room.

Her legs were locked around me again as I sat on the edge of the bed.

Sighting the pulse on her neck as I pulled away her robe…

Smelling her anticipation…

Feeling her longing…

Her heartbeat raced as I ran my tongue over the sweetness of her shoulder…

My fucking phone put the brakes on everything. I had no choice. I knew it was the queen.

Sookie slithered from my lap to the bed as I answered. Her heat was gone.

"Thank you for calling, Majesty." Sookie reached from behind me and started unbuttoning my shirt, barely getting her tiny arms around my shoulders.

"I understand the reunion is going well?"

"That is my understanding, yes. Adele is very excited to see Hadley."

"She is comfortable being with a vampire?"

"Majesty, because of current circumstances, Sookie and Adele have been staying with me at my home for several nights. In fact, Sookie and I had some business to attend to last night. Adele quite enjoyed Bubba as her guard."

"She's met Bubba?"

"Indeed. She was angry with herself for falling to sleep and cutting her visit short." Sookie started untucking my shirt, then pulling it from my shoulders.

"She fell to sleep? In the house with a vampire?"

"In the room with him, actually. She invited him to visit her home." I felt a flash of warm air on my neck, just before Sookie's mouth began testing my ability to seem undistracted.

"I was concerned that Hadley might have misread the situation when she asked to stay the day."

"No ma'am. I only asked that she take in a couple of true bloods before she rests because of her age." I reached behind me, searching for Sookie's leg… planning to stop her with a pat on her leg… only to find that she'd removed her pajamas… Fuck stopping her. I found her leg… her thigh… wet… hot… I slid my fingers into her… She dropped her head to my shoulder… trying to control her breathing… warming my back…

"Yes, of course. And she'll be safe?" _Shut THE FUCK up!_

"My caretaker has placed wards on the property. She is the only being that can enter during the day." My pants were becoming problem enough that I tucked the phone under my chin to open them…

"That pleases me. I received word that we have many things to speak about tonight."

"Yes, ma'am. Most of what we need to talk about will most likely leave you quite pleased." Sookie's fight to stay quiet was getting more trying, muting herself against my arm… reaching around and grabbing my dick… I had to catch the growl in my throat… rubbing… _wringing_…

"Then I'll be anxious until we can speak tonight. I'll call Hadley myself. Thank you, Northman."

"Thank you majesty."

I hadn't given her the chance to say anything else. I might have hung up on the queen…

I spun around, clutching my hand over Sookie's mouth and tackling her back onto the bed… In an instant I'd given in…

My dick, my fangs… exactly where they wanted to be without warning her…

In a moment her heels were pulling me into her… her fingers knotted into my hair, holding my face to her neck… bleeding into me…

Her blood flooded my senses and her tight little body held me…

I might have worried about scaring her… if she hadn't started coming the second I threw into her… moaning into my hand… clawing at my back…

She was learning so quickly…

She pivoted her hips into my every thrust…

No shyness from kissing my bloodied lips…

Gasping, pulling at the bedding, arching into the bed as I picked up speed…

Coming again…

Wrenching around my cock in rhythm like a heartbeat….

I only pulled away long enough to flip her over…

She buried her face in a pillow, but lifted her gorgeous ass to me…

Matching me shove to shove, raising to meet me…

Writhing, pulling her knees up …

Whimpering…

Cursing…

Sweating…

Tensing…

Pulling in like a vice as she came again and I let go…

As soon as I relaxed to the bed she clung to my side in what was becoming a habit for her… and a want for me…

Her breathing, her heart raced for what seemed like an eternity and more so… I felt it.

"I didn't scare you intentionally."

She giggled into my side. "I was having too much fun to be scared."

"You were having too much fun doing what? Giving me a hand job while I spoke with the queen?"

She giggled again, this time sleepily. "You didn't complain." Why would I?

"You might get me killed yet."

"I sure as hell hope not."

I chuckled at her, knowing she was already half asleep. "Why is that?"

She hummed and slid her hand up my side to rest on my chest. "B'cause I love you."

Oh. Fuck.

If I breathed, I would have stopped. If my heart beat, it would have arrested.

I was completely un-fucking-prepared for _that_.

She'd stunned me to the point that I almost let sunrise sneak up on me.

My search for my phone woke her up, but thankfully she settled right back into my side…

I barely had time to fuck with my asshole 'day guy'…

His distinct lack of humor was going to make it easy, but hopefully he'd quickly realize that Sookie wasn't a phase…

_Bobby,_

_I lied about time off._

_Your list for today…_

_Contact the usual firm about adding a light tight room that doubles as a safe room under the Stackhouse home. Have them use their best judgment as to the details according to the structure of the house and plumbing requirements. This will be a rush job. _

_Order a large assortment of ball gags and the like and have them sent to Pam. No card. She'll know who they're from and why they were sent._

_Order a duplicate of the leather arm chairs in my study and have it delivered to the Stackhouse residence. Do not discard any of the existing furniture; just find a suitable home for it._

_Arrange to have the exterior of the Stackhouse home repainted. Have the company do their best to match the colors that were already used. As well, have an assortment of wallpaper books and paint chips waiting at my house when we return. _

_Commission a large gazebo for the Stackhouse property. It should be painted white to match the house, wired for a ceiling fan, screened in and made comfortable for reading, i.e. padded seats. _

_Have both Sookie and Adele's car detailed and retuned. The interior upholstery should be steamed. New tires. New brakes. New state inspections (I don't care if they were done last month). The exteriors should be repaired and repainted as needed as well._

_Arrange to have a landscaping company tend to Adele's flowers while they are away. Give them license to add whatever they see fit for aesthetics and aroma. Adele seems to like honeysuckle, sweet Kate and hydrangea. _

_In the coming weeks the Stackhouse residence will be getting a lot of my attention, by extension yours. _

_Bobby, feel free to let me know if you are unhappy with the current conditions of your employment. I assure you that you are not only easily replaced, but easily disposed. _


	13. Chapter 13

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 13**

**Pass/Fail**

The first thing to reach me was her scent. Flowers, cocoa butter and sunlight.

Her body heat…

Her heart beat…

Her breathing…

She was completely at peace… and sleeping next to me as she had been when I died for the day.

And she said that she loves me?

…there was no time for contemplating the matter. The queen would be expecting us soon… It's best to focus on the meeting and the monumental amount of political bullshit that waits for us.

So what do I do? I pull Sookie closer and bury my nose in her scent.

She stirred immediately, sliding her thigh along mine and tightening her arm around my ribs. "We need to talk." Uh, oh.

"What do we need to talk about?"

"Quick before Hadley rises, I need some pointers so that I don't screw everything up. I need to know what we're keeping quiet and what we're advertising."

I rolled over, putting myself between her thighs. "I don't intend to lie. One lesson I've learned is that lies are much more difficult to keep track of than truths… The only omission I intend on is our little fluke… There might be some things she asks of a more personal nature. She might try to embarrass you for fun."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, goody… Will there be a horde of 'fast food' there tonight?"

"Most likely. Are you almost out of questions?"

Her eyebrow pitched. "I think so. Can we start talking about personal things now?" She was definitely not going to make it easy for me to get to what I wanted…

I slid down her body, zeroing in on her perfect breasts and running my fangs out. "By all means… You talk, I'll play."

She hummed as I took her first nipple, giggling slightly. "You're betting that you can distract me before I have the chance to ask you anything important."

I waited until I was ready to move to her other nipple to answer. "Maybe."

"I'll get right to it then… what's a 'bond'?" Fuck.

"It is a connection between a vampire and a pet attained by frequent blood sharing. How did you hear about a bond?"

"Hadley asked me if _we_ had a bond. Gran didn't give me the chance to answer. She didn't know anymore than I did and said we're inseparable. Hadley looked like she'd seen a ghost… Then Paulette was curious about it today."

"I'll need to correct Hadley before she has the chance to misinform the queen."

"Why?" Mood ruined. I left the bed and went to the closet.

"Because it would be false." And premature.

"Is a bond something you wouldn't want with me?" She actually seemed hurt.

"It's not that I don't want a bond, it's that telling the queen we are bonded when we aren't isn't in our best interest. Our reason for not being bonded yet is perfectly reasonable. You've had a substantial amount of blood from 2 other vampire very recently and it wouldn't be safe to attempt a bond."

"Are you mad that I asked or at Hadley for saying something?" Her eyes were wide like a scolded child.

"No."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing is 'wrong'. I simply hadn't wanted to discuss a theoretical, potential bonding quite yet."

She nodded and seemed slightly stunned as I entered my bathroom.

At least I could appreciate that Hadley had introduced the topic of a bond for me. While Sookie had been furious about Compton's lack of disclosure over the details of his 'heroism', she wasn't terribly resistant to the idea of having my blood. I imagine that since she already knew the minutia of the act and all of its side effects, it was easier to see why it was rational in _our_ situation… Sookie seemed appropriately angry with Compton about it in that she wasn't pissed about the bigger picture, just that he'd glossed over the particulars.

Even if she didn't fully understand that a bond was permanent, Sookie's momentary disappointment that I might not consider her to be bonded to was… _tempting_.

She was already showing signs of being quite attached to me… A bond would only make that behavior more prevalent.

It would be only fair… since there was no tangible fucking reason for my attachment to her. None.

I was already growing bored with my shower when she snuck up on me.

I'd been lost in my thoughts and was snatched back to my reality when I felt her tiny arms go around my ribs, her face resting against my back.

"Sorry."

"What for?"

"I guess I ruined the mood." And I was being an asshole about it… Wait. _Where the __**fuck**__ did that come from?_

"But you seemed to have thought of a way to revive it."

She giggled against me, letting her hands wander. They warmed me more than the water. "I do have one more question though."

At least she seemed aware of the need to stay on my preferred 'topic of conversation' for the time. "What's that?"

"Do you think that I'd have the same reaction… you know… practically jumping you, every time I have your blood?"

"I suppose we can keep our fingers crossed." Underplayed to say the least… I'd kill to have the experience happen again… and again…

She didn't show a reaction, but she certainly felt hopeful as her hand followed my stomach to start stroking my cock…

As much as I wanted to squander the night ruining her… crossing items off 'the list'… more importantly, not hurrying through anything…

The queen's demands on our attendance were the elephant in the room…

"Sookie, we don't have much time."

After a squeeze that made my fangs run out, not to mention my eyes roll back, she all but purred, "I guess it's a good thing that you know what you're doing." _**Fuck**__ the queen…_

I followed her arm with my hand down to hers, guiding her as I turned around, not wanting her to stop yet… but needing to taste her…

Her nervous smile was waiting for me…

First for a kiss, holding her hand, teaching her…

Letting go… letting her take over…

I would have let her go on… and on…

She nibbled my chest… pulling, squeezing, sliding the head of my cock across her slick stomach as she kneaded…

Fighting against my greed… I pushed her against the wall… feeling her craving…

Kissing again… sliding a hand between her legs to lift her thigh… then the other….

Her confusion just before I lifted her to my shoulders… saddling her to my mouth…

Surprised, she gasped, clutching my face to her heat…

My fingers buried, milking her sweetness… lapping it up… taking her in…

Until she begged… _bite me… fuck me… I need you…_

She whimpered when I took my mouth from her… but when I warned her… nipping her thigh…

A shudder… then biting… her thighs tightened around my neck… she started moving, riding my hand harder… and came from my bite…

Almost too much…

She wilted against the wall, running her hands through my hair, letting me get my fill while she caught her breath…

I held her up behind her knees, pushing into her slowly… teasing her… waiting for her to ask…

She trembled, breaths hitching between whines before she started begging again… _harder… faster… more…_

She clawed at my neck, pulling my mouth to hers… breathing my name into me before she could kiss…

Running out of air only to bury her face into my neck…

Her breath… her bite… she raked her teeth, pushing my resolve… until I broke… and asked her to bite _me_…

Never before. Period.

She only hesitated for a second, but the moment her teeth grazed me… knowing she would… a chain reaction started that undid us both…

Release… sudden… urgent… rocking through me… I let go of her legs to hold her closer and they belted around me…

Strapped… connected… waiting for the pulse of her heat to loosen its violent grip on me…

Perfectly still except for her breathing, slowly starting to rebound and not wanting to move…

She finally pulled her head back enough to put her lips to my ear. Barely a whisper, "You can feel Pam?"

Curious, I nodded.

She led my hand from her back to a certain place on the wall. "Hit there."

I smiled and swung my arm around, landing a solid and sudden smack and was instantly rewarded with an echo of her shock. Sookie started laughing before I did… and we both heard Pam call us assholes through the wall. "Fucking eavesdropping brat."

Sookie was giggling as I set her down. "She jumped. I could, I don't know, sense a bounce." Even better.

"She's been a pain in the ass. She deserved it."

Her look became more sympathetic. "You should do something nice for her… She's just being a brat because she doesn't understand what's going on with you. If you started being grumpy with me all of a sudden, no explanation, I'd be shitty too." Not her place.

"Sookie…"

"I know, I know… It's none of my bees wax and I'm not trying to tell you your business, but you're just as irritated with her sudden attitude change." She held her hands up as though she was done speaking here peace and then handed the bottle of shampoo to me.

"How the fuck did I manage to collect such brats?"

She shrugged. "Maybe you think easy is boring. I can't read your mind." She'd fought a smirk through her sass…

But there was too much truth hiding in her cheeky little remark to deny it.

She stood at the open closet next to me, loss as to how to dress while I was trying to figure out how I felt about seeing my clothes hanging next to someone else's in my own closet.

I reached in and pulled out a dress for her. It was a simple silk wrap dress with cap sleeves. The pattern was swirls of purple in shades from lavender to aubergine... There was a pair of perfectly matched pumps hiding in the assortment of boxes in the bottom of the closet and I told Sookie that there would most likely be matching underthings in my dresser.

She let a sigh, relieved that I hadn't forced her to guess and kissed my shoulder on her way across the room.

While I dressed in the requisite dress shirt and pants (light blue over dark grey since black wasn't 'permitted' during the summer unless it was for a formal event) I watched Sookie find and don a set of shimmering, sheer lavender underthings… I found myself inexplicitly wanting her again.

She smirked at me as she adjusted the g-string of her panties. "We won't be there all night. We'll get to that later."

Still closely studying her as she dressed, I had a moment of concern. "Did you just hear my thoughts?"

She giggled. "No, Eric. You don't have to be a telepath to figure out _everything._ Your fangs are down."

I found myself slightly embarrassed, but only that I'd ignored their presence.

"What should I do about makeup? Do you think Pam would help me? She was really sweet the other night at Fangtasia."

"Sweet?"

"She might have been in a high dudgeon about playing dress up, but I'd have never known… She was even complimentary."

"Are you sure that it was Pam?"

Sookie snorted at me. "She told me that it was criminal to cover up my complexion with so much gunk."

Perhaps I had been too severe with Pam. "Really?"

She giggled again. "Then she had a guy moment on me though… told me that she wasn't having any complaints about the difference in our cup sizes since I was overflowing."

That was Pam.

Sookie was applying a light amount of makeup at the dresser's mirror since I wasn't prepared to give Pam the chore so soon after giving her the ultimatum I had, when there was a very light knock on the door.

Without pausing her task, Sookie muttered 'Hadley'.

"How can you tell the difference between her and Pam?"

"I followed Pam after she got busted. She's sitting with Gran in the kitchen talking about Tina. Hadley just woke up and left her room to come straight here."

I smiled at her, fully impressed. "Remarkable. Is there no difference?"

"Her 'bubble' is smaller. Not as noticeable of a presence. Pam's is bigger… _**You**_ are like the Grand Canyon though. I meant to ask… Andre… are y'all about the same age or strength?"

More impressed still. "Both. They tend to go hand in hand. Am I to assume that our brains are fairly even?"

"Yeah, his is darker though. Like Long Shadow's. I'm not sure what that means yet though."

I could probably take a wild guess. I suppose that it was something to discuss later since I'd left the queen's child in the hallway…

"Enter."

I imagine that her age was to blame for Hadley's ridiculously timid posture as she stepped in. She gave a nod in my direction. "Sheriff."

"Good evening, Hadley. Did you need to discuss something?"

"I just wanted… I didn't get to talk to Sookie without Gran around last night."

I watched Sookie's reflection smile as she started putting her makeup components into a small bag. "What's up?"

"I'm… I'm sorry… I'm… Before I was turned and the whole time after I _knew_ that I'd never see y'all again. Even with vampires being in the open Sophie-Ann told me that families can't handle this kind of stuff… And… well… I've been really homesick this past year or so. I've talked about y'all to anybody that'd listen... I told Sophie-Ann that I even missed the way you used to creep me out with that mind reading thing… Andre is a lying shit. When he acted surprised to hear you're a telepath last night… I'm worried that Sophie-Ann didn't really send that Compton knob to find my family for _me_… I think he was sent to find you." How very astute.

Sookie smiled in spite of the news that they'd all been used. "I kinda figured… Don't worry though. It doesn't matter. We've been so busy… Gran told you about us being in witness protection for the most part and then there was the embezzlement at Fangtasia to deal with. The shit really hit the fan up there and Bill's shenanigans weren't doing anything but making it all worse. Eric was planning on testing me with Weres and Shifters this week and then bring me down to introduce the queen to his new pet once things settled down a bit… That would've been some crazy shit though." The perfect answer... truthful enough…

Hadley shook her head, confused. "What would've been so crazy about it?"

Sookie chuckled at her. "Ohhh nothing, except both of us would've shit our pants if we saw each other again… all a sudden… like that? Who'd of thought we'd both end up with vampires!? Right?"

Hadley started laughing. "You mighta shit, not _ME_ though… You're really not mad?"

Sookie started to cross the room and perched on the corner of the bed. "Not at you. Can't even blame the queen for wanting a telepath in her arsenal. It wasn't until I met Eric that I knew this crap was going to do anybody any good."

"The knob though… y'all said that Compton was going to turn you."

"Yeah. And if my Master wasn't taking such good care of me, Bill would've too." My cock wasn't the only part of me to react to what Sookie had said, just the most noticeable. _Her Master_.

"Gran said she wasn't anxious to go home. Where've y'all been?"

"Staying with Eric while we wait for Rene to get picked up… Uh… Hadley, Gran didn't understand last night when you asked if we have a bond. We don't yet. I just didn't think she needed to know about all of that."

"But you are going to?"

Sookie nodded bluntly. "Yeah… Are you ready? Gran's chomping at the bit and the car is here."

"How do you know that?"

"Because Gran has no idea who Gianni Versace is or why Pam thinks he would have been a better vampire than Bubba…" I threw my head back and laughed. Pam had actually looked into time travel so that she could undo that 'erroneous atrocity'. Sookie smiled, waiting for me to calm myself. "…And there's a vampire, a human and a Shifter just past the garden gate. I guess my tests are already starting." Lovely.

"You can tell this far away? I didn't know you were that good."

She shrugged dismissively. "I'm not as accurate in crowds. 7 brains aren't hard. C'mon, let's get a move on."

Wybert, another of the queen's children, was assigned as our chauffer tonight. Not much more intelligent than Bubba, but far stronger, he wasn't nearly as put upon about his task as Andre had been the night before.

He held the door as we slowly piled into the car.

Our company turned out to be none other than the 'mighty' Quinn (Pam hissed at him) as well as a random donor from the looks of things. She was a walking connect the dots of feeding scars. Donor/pin cushion.

His lip curled, disgusted to be riding with vampire, and he opened his mouth to speak.

I quickly interrupted him. "I'm quite sure that you aren't supposed to dialogue. We'll be much more comfortable with it anyway."

His nose twitched in disgust and I felt a sudden discomfort coming from Sookie as she shifted in her seat to be closer to me. When she did, her foot 'slipped' and the heel of her shoe jabbed into Quinn's shin. It was beautiful.

Through the short 15 minute ride, there was a range of emotions coursing through Sookie's breadth. Curiosity, revulsion, pity, anger, annoyance, and a jovial feeling that actually felt like laughter. Shortly before we arrived, there was a sudden, calming wave of delight and perhaps pride as well.

Sookie left her seat next to me to lean over Hadley, barely whispering into her cousin's ear. "Gran is excited to meet your girlfriend. She hopes she's going to like her as much as she likes Eric."

I'm sure that she'd spoken so softly that Quinn hadn't even heard her, even if he had been listening instead of surveying her ass.

When Sookie retook her station next to me, Hadley was wearing a relaxed smile and had reached over to take Adele's hand.

Sookie's foot 'slipped' again, causing Quinn to wince. "I'm so sorry. I've never had what you'd call 'catlike' reflexes and these are new shoes."

He simply nodded and no doubt began trying to figure out if she 'knows' or if it was just a coincidental turn of phrase.

For the rest of the ride, Sookie's moods seemed lighter, less encumbered somehow.

Sookie was seemingly unimpressed with the exterior of Sophie-Ann's 'palace'. Its façade was nothing more than any other mundane office building. It was a blasé structure of concrete and mirrored glass. It was far less impressive to her than my house in the Garden District…

…Until the inner doors were opened for us in true Sophie-Ann fashion by two of her house boys wearing ludicrous 'Blue Boy' uniforms complete with short pants and ruffles. Pomp. Typical.

Adele's mouth hung open as she grasped my arm a little tighter. She took in the overtly ostentatious gold leafed moldings and heavy brocades draped in every way imaginable with wide-eyed wonder.

Sookie, however, was preoccupied with the intricate inlaid marble flooring. She was mesmerized, following it with her eyes as we walked along the long, grandiose corridor.

We were led by Wybert, flanked by two humans. I didn't recognize the male, but the female was Sophie-Ann's chamber maid. Sookie's test continued.

Our destination (Quinn and the donor in tow) was a simple staging area… A small room with no seating and a flamboyant chandelier as camouflage for the cameras and microphones housed in it… Pam called it the 'confessional' since its sole purpose was to catch any last minute subterfuge. The two of us had been seen by the queen enough to know that we'd be in the room for exactly 12 minutes.

Pam snarled, sucking her teeth and sweeping her hands over the lap of her dress. "Eric, can we get Paulette to find some of those lint rollers for the house. Tina is shedding."

"I could just arrange to have the cat shaved." Adele jokingly told me 'don't you dare', but Sookie didn't react to the joke. She was wearing a far-off look, staring at the door in front of us.

She wrinkled her nose, finding me unamusing. "Or you could buy a new fur for me so that no one would notice."

I rolled my eyes while Adele and Hadley laughed. "Pamela, it's August. I'm sure someone is more likely to notice a pelt clad vampire in the full heat of summer than a few shed hairs from a housecat." And she already had enough that PETA could justify a raid on her wardrobe.

"It would be a fine excuse though." Brat.

"It _was_ a nice try though. I'll add the lint rollers to Paulette's list."

"A respectable faux?"

I snorted, shaking my head. "This is my fault. I've spoiled you."

She laughed, joined by two thirds of the Stackhouse family. "Thank you for realizing that."

Sookie's hand tightened around mine just before the doors were opened for us.

We were led across the large throne room to the waiting queen sitting in her usually stiff position on her favorite of antique gilded and purple velvet couches with both Berts and Andre standing just behind her until the last moment.

…Sookie's grasp growing tighter still…

Sophie-Ann put on a respectable display, seemingly for Hadley's benefit, and rose from her perch. She kissed Hadley and waited for introductions while ignoring the pet and Quinn who'd been ushered to sit in chairs against the far wall.

Adele was first and took the queen's hand when she offered, giving it a gentle squeeze rather than a shake. "It's wonderful to finally meet you. Thank you for taking such good care of my grandbaby. I've spent the past few years thinking I'd lost her forever."

The queen gave an impressed nod in my direction before answering. "I'm sure the sheriff has mentioned that you're acceptance is quite atypical. Reconnecting with living family is unheard of. I've actually asked quite a few young vampires. Hadley's disposition has improved immeasurably since the last time I have seen her. So thank you."

Hadley smiled, adding to the conversation happily. The last time I'd seen her was a few short months ago and she'd simply been taking up space in a chair. Her improvement was _**no**_ exaggeration. "She made an apple cinnamon bread for me."

Sophie-Ann's head cocked to the side and it was the first time I'd ever seen her taken by surprise. "Mrs. Stackhouse, you understand we don't eat, yes?"

Adele laughed. "I didn't think she'd eat it, but you'd said she was homesick. Hadley always loved it. I thought she might just like to have the smell."

Hadley added. "I'm going to have Amelia do a stasus on it so that it doesn't spoil before I go for a visit."

"A visit?"

Hadley nodded. "Gran invited me home to visit as soon as she gets the guest room light proofed."

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"I don't see why not. Sookie said most of the town showed up to see the knob talk about the civil war."

"The knob? Honestly Hadley."

"He was going to kill Sookie. I get to call him what I want and that's the nicest thing I can think of."

"Don't be petulant. You'll call him Compton…" Sophie-Ann turned her focus to Sookie, sizing her up as she gracefully stepped over to us with hand out. "… And the intended victim… Sookie Stackhouse. A pleasure."

Sookie's grasp was unyielding as she used her free hand to take the queen's. "Nice to meet you."

"Tell me, what do you think of my home?"

Sookie looked up at me questioningly so I gave her a nod.

She took a deep breath to prepare herself. "John Quinn is a Were Tiger who is here to plan an event for you. A wedding. He hates working for vampires because you all hide your insanity with mountains of money. He has a very high opinion of himself, my boobs, Hadley's butt and Pam's mouth and has very strong ideas of what each of us could do for him…" I chuckled; that would explain the kicking.

"…Laurie Bose has very few thoughts other than having Cheeseburger In Paradise by Jimmy Buffet stuck on a loop in her head. She even thinks off key. She _did_ spend most of the ride and wait imagining herself with Eric, Pam and John Quinn (separately and together). She's from somewhere with a lot of snow and hates the heat here. She also has plans to go out with friends to a Roadhouse for a steak and margaritas tomorrow…"

"…Your maid, Frieda, was preoccupied with her cable bill because one of her children is ordering pay-per-view without permission. She planned on getting your cream suit ready for you in case you thought our dresses are too similar. Then went back to being aggravated that Tomb Raider was ordered 3 separate times. Her grocery list includes Tampons, mouthwash, oatmeal, bread and sugar. She reminded herself to call and ask her husband to put the garbage on the curb and can't remember if her niece's wedding is the weekend before Labor Day or after, because she needs to shop for the gift in time to have it shipped…"

"…The man walking with us is a Donor. Geoff is recovering from a sinus infection and hopes the medication he was on doesn't irritate the vampire who picks him. When he gets home he needs to call his sister in Vancouver to say hi, drop off his rent check and find something to wear to his job interview in the morning…"

Sophie-Ann opened her mouth to say something, pleased smile in place, but Sookie continued.

"…Just past the wall to my right you've placed 3 vampire, a human, a Were and 2 more individuals that I've never come across to identify but they are bored to tears. I can get their feelings but not their thoughts…"

"…There is a huge meeting going on in the room to my left. There's about 20 vampire, several humans and 1 that matches the 2 in the other room. He's appalled about something and I'd feel more comfortable talking about the meeting in private…"

Her hand suddenly tightened enough that it actually hurt.

"…The waiting room we just left has a human servant. Allen. He's here to tell you that Bill Compton has arrived to check in and he has a human with him…"

Sookie turned to look up at me.

"…Eric, that son of a bitch kidnapped Jason."


	14. Chapter 14

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 14**

**Shattered**

No one else in the room had anything to say.

"Sookie, how are you sure he has Jason?"

A worried tear fell from the corner of her eye. "Because the servant is picturing him and he wouldn't know what Jason looks like if he wasn't here. Bill kidnapped my brother. How could he be so stupid? You told him that if he hurt one of us…"

She buried her face in my chest and Adele hugged my arm. "Majesty, I told Compton that if any harm came to Stackhouse life, limb or property, he'd regret it. After his little display most of Bon Temps was witness to the warning _and_ order to leave my Area which he obviously ignored."

"I see. I imagine that our business discussion won't be waiting like I hoped… Hadley, take your grandmother and cousin to my chambers." She motioned to Andre to get rid of Quinn and the donor.

Adele's hands loosened from my arm slowly but she eventually followed Hadley…

Sookie wasn't going to cooperate. Her second hand found its way to clamp onto my wrist. She was terrified.

"Eric, I can't hear him."

"Jason?"

She nodded.

"You're worried that Bill could have turned him."

She nodded again, tears falling freely. "He wouldn't have wanted it."

"Adele spoke to him this morning to let him know you arrived safely. There hasn't been time for it. He's probably just out of your range. The building is full of people, vampires and other beings."

She wasn't feeling more assured in the least. Not distrustful, just skeptical.

"Majesty, would you permit Pam to join the ladies?" Hadley's small 'bubble' might not be enough to help Sookie focus.

"Do you think she has nothing to offer our discussion?"

I turned to Pam, giving her a brief nod so that she could share what little she knew…

"Majesty, I didn't witness the warning or his eviction. I _was_ witness to a phone conversation between the Sheriff, Compton and Sookie several nights ago. He was insubordinate. He threatened his Sheriff that he'd go over his head to you and made demands. He tried to scare Sookie away from the Sheriff. He was endlessly annoyed that it didn't work and pulled the door from the hinge when he left."

"How did he attempt to scare Sookie?"

"Compton called him a monster and said that she wasn't safe with him… _while_ the Sheriff was actively protecting her from a human threat and still is. She didn't buy it."

"And he had plans to turn her? How did _that_ plan reveal itself?"

I took over. "Sookie was closer to the situation and deduced that something was 'off'. She said that since he was so aloof until I was part of the equation, it wasn't adding up. He was late for his speaking engagement. Car trouble was his excuse, but he arrived fresh from having bathed. She suggested he might have been late because of his preparations to turn her. I sent underlings to check her suspicions. They found a fresh grave between his house and the meeting hall as well as the verification of dirt in his home."

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and retrieved the photos Liam had thought to send. The grave. Malcolm and Dian in the grave, proving its scale. The muddy foot prints in Bills foyer. The mud slick in the bottom of his tub. The pile of filthy clothing he left behind…

Fuming.

Sophie-Ann's fangs ran down, a showing she reserved for only the most contemptible conduct… "Do you know how he assumed he'd manage such a feat?"

I nodded. "He had demanded to see Sookie to confirm her well being the night before and then asked her for a 'moment alone' with her on the night of his speaking engagement. He didn't know I would be accompanying the ladies to Bon Temps. He was clearly dissatisfied to see me there."

"Did you instigate in any way?" She's known me _too_ long.

"No, Majesty. In spite of his leering, I was on task. The human threat was present and my priority that night was to protect them from _him_. It wasn't until he started a scene in the parking area that I justified his behavior with a reaction. He grabbed Sookie's arm."

"As her Master you had the right to end him."

I nodded. "I would have enjoyed nothing more, but there were too many witnesses. I secured Adele and Sookie in my vehicle, ejected him from my Area and ordered him to return to you since he informed me that he had been tasked by you."

"Do we have a list of all the ways he ran aground in his assignment?"

"For starters, he could have reported back to you 4 days prior to my introduction. He was received at the Stackhouse residence with true bloods and smiles, just as I had been. Jason Stackhouse is the only family member with any trepidation of our kind and he is still anxious to reunite with Hadley."

Sookie confirmed everything by giving a nervous nod.

Sophie-Ann nodded absently. "Insubordination. Conspiracy. Blackmail… He's been having too much fun…" She turned to Sookie, surprisingly concerned. "… Sookie, go with Pam. We'll make sure that your brother joins you shortly. Even if your family isn't very special to Hadley, _you_ have already proven that I should be quite invested in your contentment."

Sookie didn't let go of my hand until she had a tight grasp on Pam's…

I was feeling nothing but Sookie's fear and my own resentment as a result as we waited for Compton to be escorted to the throne room… Andre had gone to do the fetching. It would be Bill's first hint that he'd fucked up.

The Berts quietly unsheathed their swords and waited in their usual stoic, alarm inspiring postures… hint number two

Even better, I was sitting next to the queen on her settee. I was going to get to see Compton's '_if vampires could shit'_ face again. The fact alone would have made me smile, if it weren't for Sookie's angst throbbing in my chest.

"If you hadn't needed to call about Compton's interference, when would you have brought Sookie's gift to my attention?" Right to the point…

"My plan was to call Flood this week and test Sookie with Weres. I'm surprised that she read Quinn so well since her boss is a shifter and is difficult for her. Once I was more sure about her abilities with the other breeds, my plan was to ask you when you wanted to meet her. Sookie and Hadley were laughing about it earlier... What their reaction would have been if they ran into each other under those circumstances."

She raised an eyebrow, seemingly accepting my answer. "She's quite a find. How did you stumble over her?"

"Compton brought her to Fangtasia. Her brother is a suspect in a double homicide in Bon Temps. Sookie was hoping to find someone who knew of other victims that might not have been bedded by Jason Stackhouse. Pam delivered her to my office because Compton didn't bother announcing their purpose, his presence in my area or a need for an audience. I imagine he thought his task of feeling out the Stackhouses superseded his need to follow custom… After hearing the victims are Fangbangers, I decided to look into the situation rather than having to deal with the media fallout."

"But you've learned who the killer is."

"Sookie used herself as bait. She's a waitress and I went to her bar to help her entice the man into thinking about something along the appropriate lines. It worked. Sookie saw his thoughts. As it turns out he's followed victims home from Fangtasia, murdered and raped them including his sister. Jason had been with the two Bon Temps victims and then mentioned that they had markings to his coworkers. At the moment, we are in a holding pattern. The Shreveport PD is trying to get a warrant." Sookie's emotions were still chiseling at my subconscious.

"How did you get the police to take you seriously?"

"I lied. Humans don't know any better so I gave Sookie an alias. Detective Coughlin now believes that a vampire named Dian Kingsley is a telepath. Sookie easily confirmed his thoughts as well as another officer and he was believing enough to be willing to verify what she told him. The two Bon Temps killings, one in Shreveport, one in Bossier City, and Cindy Lanier was listed as a Jane Doe in Area 2. All of them were killed in the same fashion."

"Ingenious!"

"What's more, my accountant called about a sixty thousand dollar discrepancy in my books. Sookie sat in my office at Fangtasia and ruled out employees while I gave her a back rub…"

"_You_ were giving her a back rub?" Snarky bitch.

"Physical contact helps her focus. She uses my lack of thoughts to help isolate others."

"Hence the vice grip she had on your hand."

I nodded, hoping to continue. "She went out to the bar and 'flirted' with Long Shadow and was able to get out of a waitress's jealous thoughts that she was his unwilling accomplice. He was glamouring her to make deposits for him."

"And what happened with Long Shadow?"

"When his theft was revealed he attacked Sookie. I was forced to act. He was ended, but I would have done it with or without his attack on Sookie."

"Have you notified his maker?"

"Not as of yet. This only took place the night before last."

"Don't. I'll have it handled. He attacked an asset of _my_ monarchy while stealing from _my_ Sheriff. If you notify Hot Rain, he could demand recompense. When I have Andre do it, he'll offer an apology."

"Thank you, majesty. You're too kind." Uh… wow. I'm not sure I could remember a time that she'd left me so shocked. She tended to be as predictable as Pam. I'm quite sure she was seeing my 'if vampire could shit' look.

"Kindness has nothing to do with it. Your pet is invaluable. She has limitless potential. This room is warded and her abilities reached past them. She can identify what and how many… I'm so impressed that I'm offering her family official protection in addition to your rights to protect them. Sookie is to be kept happy and it seems very clear that your being her master is part of that scenario. We have too much invested for you to have an angry maker distracting you." _Who is she and what did she do with the real Sophie-Ann?_

"We have yet to discover what she didn't want to mention in front of the others." The marriage contacts, perhaps?

"I have an idea. We'll get to that soon enough."

That was definitely the real Sophie-Ann… completely unable to comprehend that anyone but her was capable of reading between the lines.

I'm sure the doors were opened for Bill so slowly for dramatic effect.

The _knob_ noticed me as soon as he noticed the queen and balked before he took his first step.

It was like watching a funeral procession. It was beautiful.

Jason was clearly in a daze as he matched Bill step for step, directly behind him. That would explain why Sookie couldn't hear him; Bill had glamoured him to keep him cooperative.

Instead of bowing for his queen, he glared at me… Addressing me first. I assume he figured he couldn't be more fucked.

"It's a long way to drive to be a tattle tale, don't you think, Northman?"

I managed to smile tauntingly in spite of Sookie's growing impatience while the queen answered. "It might have been if he wasn't flown here in my personal plane on my invitation. You have some explaining to do."

"I'm here to report back to you since Northman expelled me from his Area, preventing me from fulfilling my task for you."

She sat forward, wearing an unfriendly smile. "Please, remind me. What was the task I gave you?"

"To make contact with the Stackhouse family and report back."

"I don't see how it is that _Sheriff_ Northman prevented you from completing your task."

"He has kept me from contacting Sookie and Adele."

"Lie! You were given your invitation to enter their home and welcomed with a True Blood several days before Sookie was introduced to the Sheriff."

"She was mine."

She sat back and rolled her eyes in my direction. "I see what you mean… Bill Compton, explain how you came to the conclusion that she was yours."

"She said she was mine in front of other vampires."

Sophie-Ann gave me a look asking me to clarify.

"Three of my more annoying underlings (Malcolm, Dian and Liam) were calling on Bill Compton and were tempted to dine on Sookie. His claim on her was a protective charade. He's only had traces of her blood from cleaning a wound and the only time she had his was when he reciprocated her efforts to save him from drainers. She was nearly killed when they retaliated."

Compton was comically pissed that I knew the whole story. "How many times has she had your blood? You can hardly…"

I snarled as I interrupted him. "Twice. I intend to bond to her... While you intended to turn her against her will."

Sophie-Ann started chuckling. "Back to the original point… Compton, you were sent to meet the Stackhouses. You met them and failed to report back to me. Is it because you intended to levy favor from me by bringing me a telepath?"

There it was. The face. If he could… He would have. Spectacular. Sookie was excellent for all sorts of entertainment. Compton never expected for me to share Sookie's talent. His jaw dropped with his fangs as he realized exactly how completely fucked he was, and how many ways it was going to be done.

Everything he tried to say got stuck in his throat like a balloon in a baby seal. Another shining moment for Bill Compton.

Sophie-Ann and Andre were enjoying Bill's reaction as much as I was and let it continue until he looked like he might actually have something coherent to say.

The queen made a motion with her hand, cueing Andre to lead Jason forward, inspiring panic from Compton.

"My, my, my, isn't he pretty."

I almost laughed, since pretty is almost _his sum total_. "Majesty, this is Jason Stackhouse."

She smiled, not taking her eyes from him. "Compton. You've glamoured him?"

"I was ordered not to harm him by Northman…"

"_SHERIFF_ Northman. Remove your influence..." Ooooh. She'd lost all humor for Bill if she was snapping corrections in defense of my position. "…Why did you bring him to me?"

"Because he was the only Stackhouse I was allowed access to since Northman refused me access to Adele and Sookie."

"You no longer needed access to any of them. You were sent. You arrived. You met Sookie on your first night in Bon Temps by my accounts. Are you really this inept? Had you done your job, you would have left Bon Temps more than a week ago rather than lingering like a plague... I should have sent Bubba."

I started laughing through my nose at the wounded look he gave her and I might have seen Andre smile.

It took a moment for Jason to become cognizant. Bill had seemingly kept him under glamour for the extent of their trip.

He looked irritated and befuddled at first, focusing on Andre who was closest, then Sophie-Ann… finally me….

The dolt smiled. "Where the fuck am I?"

Sophie-Ann gave me a nod, letting me explain. "Bill Compton was pissy that I gave him an order so he kidnapped you and brought you to New Orleans. Out of curiosity, would you mind checking yourself for fang marks?"

Just mentioning it made Bill hang his head. As I scanned the queen and Andre, I remembered the deluge of television programs and movies I'd seen and a childish voice echoed… '_oooooh, you're gonna get it…'_

Jason gave me a confused look. "I'd remember getting bit!"

"Do you remember being in a car for 5 hours to get here? Give yourself a pat down. You'll feel it."

His first pat was his neck, as though we couldn't have seen that, and then his chest. He winced instantly and pulled out the neck of his t-shirt. "MOTHER FUCKER!..." He looked up at me and then apologized to Sophie-Ann, I assume because she appeared to be too young to hear 'the f-word'. She was amused.

"Keep checking."

He gave me a leery look as his hands patted down his hips and his lower legs. He gave me a semi-satisfied smile when he was 'done', shaking his head.

I 'cleared my throat' and nodded in the direction of the areas he glossed over. He looked like he was going to be ill as he ran his hands over his groin area, finding another tender spot on his inner thigh. He stopped. It was clear the poor bastard was afraid to find more. Andre became impatient and gave him a full 'search' with no discretion, finding yet another marking on the back of his shoulder. Jason didn't care as much about the bite on his back as much as he was relieved there weren't any on his ass.

Bill made an attempt to say something and thought better of it when the Berts each took a step towards him. So fucked.

Sophie-Ann gave me an expectant look. Finally.

I called Pam and she came through the doors of the queen's apartment in an instant.

"I thought you'd never call. Sookie has one hell of a grip."

"Pam, this is Jason Stackhouse. Could you take him to his family?"

She smirked at him, sizing him up. "Certainly… Follow me."

"Pamela, hands off." If I hadn't warned her, Bill wouldn't be the only vampire to get Jason's pants off.

She moped, "Understood."

Sophie-Ann smiled in my direction. "Loyal, but high maintenance?"

"Yes ma'am." The statement was akin to calling Pol Pot 'cranky'.

"I know the feeling. Hadley follows orders well, but sometimes…"

"You want to pull your hair out?"

She nodded.

"Pam likes to shop. I like for her to shop _in Europe_. A few times every year."

She laughed. "I'll have to keep that in mind… So… Compton failed my orders and disobeyed yours." He's fucked… Neener. Fucking. Neener.

"He intended to use his 'new child' for his own gain."

"He fed on an unwilling human using glamour." I felt a sudden surge of relief and Sookie's panic was gone in an instant.

"It sounds as though we both have an axe to grind."

I nodded. "Your axe is my axe, majesty."

She smiled. She _does_ love having her ass kissed. "When do you intend to return to your Area?"

"The ladies hoped to do some sightseeing and of course they'll all be happy to stay and visit with Hadley. I planned on being here for a week."

"Good. Then it's settled. Andre will take care of this disobedience on my end and then you can take him home to take care of his debt to you until his maker can fetch him."

I smiled, probably too wide. "Majesty is very generous."

Andre licked his lips, his stare locked on Compton. "Don't bet on that, Northman. There might not be much left for you to play with." As much as the pompous prick rubbed me the wrong way, he was zealously protective of his maker and her interests. At least that much could be said for him.

I chuckled and sat back, enjoying the horrified look on Compton's ugly mug. "I'm sure I can think of something to do with the scraps. Pam and I both have a healthy imagination."

Bill tried to resist when Andre started leading him to the exit. It would have been pointless anyway since he's 800 years Andre's junior, but Sigebert and Wybert made their showing swiftly. Before Bill could correct himself from pushing himself off balance, there was cold, hard steel resting on his shoulders, biting into his neck. The word 'don't' said in unison by the brothers was all it took to bring Compton's reality crashing down on him. At their age and strength, a slight push on their parts would slice his head off too smoothly. Bill would feel his own head crash to the floor before he started to disintegrate.

It would make the trip completely worth it.

Sophie-Ann looked at me with raised eyebrows. "I thought I was going to be bored." I wanted to laugh. _So, it wasn't just me_.

"Sookie thinks that she's 'trouble'."

"She's right, but quite worth it. We'll have to make sure to keep her encouraged. What sort of pay scale were you thinking?"

"I'm rewarding her on a sliding scale at the moment. She works for tips. I don't think she's got the slightest inkling of what she's worth."

"She'll need to quit her human job."

"That isn't in the cards at the moment. Right now she's suffering a certain amount of shock. Being out of circulation at my home has left her raw. Her shields are suffering for it. She needs to be around humans in bulk to be able to maintain them. I can negotiate with her boss to provide a stand in when she's called away. I don't believe working at Fangtasia will be beneficial for her morale either."

"Sensible... $50,000 retainer to give me priority-one and $5,000 per day plus expenses and travel." A feather. That's all it would have taken to knock me on my ass.

"Exceptions?"

"Double pay for _bank_ holidays. An expense account for appropriate attire. Non-exclusivity clause to allow her to contract out as you see fit including the other Louisiana sheriffs."

"Contract specific to her telepathy and union hours (she'll be useless without rest). Her expenses to cover a Were guard of my choice for daytime while working. Vampire scale for any injury she might receive."

"A bargain at twice the price." She wasn't exaggerating in the least. My 'loyalty' to Louisiana was giving her one hell of a deal, but I still didn't expect Sookie's pay to not come out of my pocket.

"You'll have the papers ready before we leave for Shreveport?"

She nodded. "I suppose we should finish so that you can take them home."

When Pam escorted Sookie back into the throne room, she startled the Berts by walking towards me too quickly. They settled down again once Sookie and I were on the sofa across from Sophie-Ann's.

Andre took my former seat since we were being more casual.

The queen grinned at Sookie. "Hadley is excited to see Jason. Their reunion is going well?"

"Yes ma'am. Happy tears _everywhere_. They were always close growing up, same age and all."

"Compton's many infractions are being dealt with."

Sookie giggled and nodded towards Andre. "What about his infractions? Jason says he copped a feel."

Andre wasn't amused, but the rest of us were. She was still smiling when she turned to business. The queen might be as impressed with Sookie as I am. "You said that there was another matter."

"I don't want to speak out of turn, but is this _private_?"

"Most certainly. I trust these three with everything. They are loyal to a fault."

Sookie nodded, cleared her throat, straightened her dress. "Ok… Uh… I might not be able to tell who, but one of the men working in the next room... There's no point in negotiating the marriage contract because you'll be dead within a year of marrying Threadgill anyway…" Oh hell.

Andre was on his feet and pacing erratically without warning. He didn't say anything. He just paced.

"…It could have been one of your own lawyers being paranoid, but the tone was more taunting than worried. There was another that thought that you're an idiot to marry him since you aren't gaining a damn thing that you couldn't get on your own. That thought was pretty snarky too…"

Sophie-Ann stared at her as though Sookie slapped her.

Sookie's nerves started coming back to her in a wash. "…If you want me too, I don't know, go in and offer refreshments to try and get a bead on the voices…"

Sophie-Ann waved her hand dismissively. "I only have one lawyer in the room and he was the one you can't identify. A Daemon, by the way."

Sookie quickly shook off the bombshell of 'daemon' and grimaced in the direction of her knees. "The marriage is for political reasons." Listening to the meeting again.

The queen nodded.

"Without a 'mate' you seem easier to overthrow because picking you off would be easier than taking both of you out."

Sophie-Ann nodded again.

"You don't need the money, Arkansas does. He wants the clout you have to offer."

Another royal nod and Andre's pacing sped up and spread out.

The room became completely silent for what seemed like forever.

Sookie took my hand, not squeezing, not even much of a hold for that matter.

Finally…

Sookie cleared her throat. "Uh, I really don't want to overstep…"

Sophie-Ann shook her head. "No, we'll listen."

"Um… since it's for political security… and you're about the same age and strength and you trust him anyway… why not marry Andre and make him your King?"

Andre stopped pacing and seemed like he was about to insult her.

"I'm sorry. I just… I met my first vampire two weeks ago. I'm new to all this. I'll shut up."

"It's brilliant…" It was almost a whisper, but Sophie-Ann looked like Adele had when I told her about Bubba. She was astonished as she turned to Andre. "I can't think of anyone who'd protect my interests more."

Andre stared back at his queen and maker in complete wonder. "You're serious?"

The queen stood so quickly that it startled Sookie. "Thank you, Sookie. You've given me much to consider. Sheriff, I'm sure your party would feel more comfortable in less formal surroundings. I'll let you take your leave."

Sookie was practically despondent as we were chauffeured back to my house. Her idiot brother bounced around in the back of the car playing with every button and lever until we arrived.

Without a word Sookie pouted her way up the stairs and into our… _my_ room.

"Sookie?"

She flopped back on the bed, covering her face with her hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… Andre looked so pissed."

I sat next to her, removing her shoes and resting next to her. "You managed to shock him, but I don't think he was upset. They were both very impressed with your idea. It's solid. It would resolve her predicament. For a moment, I was concerned that you were going to suggest _me_."

She shook her head. "Nope. Not interested in sharing you... You sure you're not upset. I feel like I put my foot in my mouth."

"No, Sookie. You have no idea how impressed with you she is."

"Will it make me feel better?"

I was smiling when I pulled her hands away from her face. "She's having a contract drawn up for your services. She's offering you a sizable retainer so that she gets priority over anyone else and per diem."

"What's sizable? Per diem?"

"Fifty thousand. Per diem is a daily rate. Five thousand plus travel expenses and extras."

I'd never seen her eyes so wide. "SHUT UP!"

"I'm pretty sure that I've already told you how lucrative your ability could be."

"That's not fair! That's too much! Last year I made 22… all year!"

I chuckled. "I was smart and invested early." I got her for the nightly rate of a backrub.

She giggled, rolling into my chest. "Did you expect that much?"

"No. I had to pretend to not be stunned. Technically, since you are mine and I already work for her I expected to be negotiating your working conditions, not your rate… You'll be making more when you contract out though. If someone else contacts me to use your services, your daily rate will be higher."

"That's just greedy. I don't know if I could…"

"Sookie, no one would be forcing them to hire you. And you aren't locked in to a rate so you can still work pro bono as you like such as what you're doing for your brother. Think about it though… After all the years Adele took care of you, you can return the favor."

Her chin puckered and her eyes misted over. "That would be nice... I could buy her a new mattress. She hasn't had a new one as long as I've lived with her." She's about to deposit 2 years worth of wages into her bank account at once and she's looking forward to spending $800 on someone else. Altruistic, along with everything else about her…

"And I explained to the queen that I wasn't requiring you to quit waiting tables, but we should find a couple waitresses that could cross over from Fangtasia to fill in for you with Sam when you need to travel." I figured I'd get this out of the way now.

"That would be a long way for them to drive wouldn't it? And a serious pay cut. Most of your waitresses make 3 times what I do in a shift."

"I would subsidize them so they wouldn't be losing money."

"No. I'll do that… You'll be with me, right? I won't have to go alone."

"I'll be with you. It's a given because you're mine."

She sighed a heavy breath into my chest. "So you think things went well tonight?"

"Very well, Sookie. You managed to impress 4500 years of vampire tonight. You are magnificent."

"What's going to happen to Bill? You know he fed on Jason, right?"

"Bill is going to be quite uncomfortable until he is turned over to me… Then I'm going to embarrass him until he wants to strap himself to a tree and wait for dawn… then his maker will continue his lesson."

"You're not going to hurt him?"

"Andre will be doing plenty of that for the way he defied the queen. My plans are less painful, but far more entertaining."

"Do I want to know?"

"No, but you'll get a laugh. I promise you that."

I left her to rest. After she'd been reassured that she hadn't 'bombed' all that was left was exhaustion.

I found the family in Adele's room, their smiles seemed to diminish when Hadley opened the door for me… all of them concerned for Sookie.

"Is she okay? Is something wrong? We got hustled out of there so fast…" Hadley's rapid fire questions were so human it made me wonder if she had gained any vampire mannerisms to go with the condition.

"Sookie is fine. She's simply worn out. It's safe to say that they're all very impressed with her."

"Then why…?"

I gave her a level glare. She'd learned nothing of disclosure either. "She was able to inform the queen about some things that need to be tended to."

She seemed to finally catch on to the fact that some things didn't need to be shared with the whole family. Thankfully…

"You're welcome to stay the day again. Same conditions apply… Jason, the couches in the den and study are yours for the taking. I'll need your insurance card though, to give you a reason to miss work."

His usually puzzled demeanor became exaggerated as he stood up and fished his wallet out of his back pocket. "Wow, thanks. What are you going to do?"

"You're in a hospital bed unconscious after a car accident. You were on your way to visit a friend in Baton Rouge. Turn off your phone while you're here so that you aren't tempted to answer it. I'll have your employer notified."

He smiled at me. "Damn. You're good. I coulda used alibis like that all along. Thanks, man." As though I was doing it for him. At least he was appreciative.

"You're welcome… I'm going to leave a list for Paulette on the kitchen counter. If anyone needs anything, just add to it. Jason, I'm sure you'll need clothing since you didn't get to pack... Adele, make sure you find something for us to do tomorrow night. I doubt we'll be required by the queen."

She smiled brightly and nodded. "Absolutely. I already have a short list from talking to Paulette today."

"No more fairs?"

She laughed. "Not so soon."

I chuckled at her. "Good enough. Goodnight all."

Pam was sulking at the kitchen table with a true blood in hand.

"We were shooed out before I got to feed. Is there anything we need to worry about?"

I thought about that for a moment. "Andre is torturing Bill to within an inch of his sanity and then turning him over to me so that I can play. The queen offered a 50 grand retainer and the most generous contract I've ever heard of for a pet _before_ Sookie overheard from one of the Arkansas lawyers that Threadgill intends to assassinate the queen once they marry to take over the state so Sookie made the recommendation that Sophie-Ann marry Andre to keep it in the family, as it were. We were run off so that they didn't have to hide how excited they were over the idea."

Pam gaped.

"Close your mouth." I pulled a notebook and a pen out of a drawer and sat down next to her to start Paulette's list.

"You didn't even know she was that good did you?"

"No. We hadn't had the chance to test her yet. I had an idea after Long Shadow. I think she surprised herself."

"Quinn's thoughts were a bolt from the blue."

I nodded. "Proximity? My blood? We can't be sure."

"So we're feeling good about tonight?"

"Yes, I think we are. Time will tell though if my pet is going to end up being Sophie-Ann's favorite new toy."

She nodded. "I still think you love her."

"I still think you want to see if I'll hit you."

"Damn, Eric! What would it hurt to admit it?" I'm going to glue her hands into her hair.

"Damn, Pam! What would it hurt for you to fucking drop it?"

"Fine. I think she's good for you."

I growled at her, not understanding where the fuck I went wrong that she doesn't know when to shut up.

"Will you admit that you care for her?"

"If it will shut you up, yes. I fucking care for her."

She smiled wide enough that I was sure I could put my foot into it. "Thank you."

"For what?"

She laughed. "Getting halfway there… You aren't a lost cause after all."

"Pam, go away."

"I was here first."

"My house."

"You didn't used to mind having me around." She hadn't made a single gesture of leaving.

"You didn't used to pester me."

She finally got up to leave, pushing her chair in. "You didn't used to make it so much fun."

I actually pulled my hand back to practice my backhand, but she had the sense to get out while she could still walk.

Still fuming…

_Paulette,_

_I'm sure by now you've noticed that I've collected more company. Sookie's brother is an accidental tourist and came completely unprepared for a visit. He'll need a few days worth of clothing and toiletries. He'll need formal wear as well so if you could do your best to have a tailor come to the house for a rush job, it would be most appreciated._

_Adele will more than likely need some help making reservations for her tourist choice for the evening. I'm sure she would like to be able to take photos to show to her friends at home so I'd be grateful if you could find a user friendly camera for her._

_Just in case I forgot to mention it, you did a remarkable job getting the house together so quickly. The Stackhouse ladies have had nothing but good things to say about you and I wanted to remind you that I'm prepared to offer whatever is necessary to encourage you to relocate to Shreveport. It's only fair since you make your equivalent there look like a bigger idiot every time I visit New Orleans._

_Truly,_

_Eric Northman._

The phone call to arrange Jason's 'injury' was simple. It was a call I'd made before and would make many more times over. It was a standard service that was eagerly offered by most night shift nurses because it was well rewarded.

Well before dawn and nothing more on my mind, I returned to my room to find Sookie tossing around in her sleep. Her mood wasn't troubled as though she was having bad dreams. She simply seemed uncomfortable.

I did my best to slip into bed unnoticed, knowing how worn-out she'd been after her long night.

No sooner than my head touched the pillow next to her, she turned again. This time suddenly, if not violently, to me. Her movement seemed automatic as her leg curled over my thigh and her arm went across my ribs… As though she'd been waiting for me.

It almost didn't occur to me… but it felt like I'd been waiting for it too…

"Sookie?"

"Hmmm, yeah?"

"Are you uncomfortable?"

She hummed deeply. "Not anymore. I missed you." She missed me? I'd been gone less than an hour.

I pulled my arm up to wrap it around her shoulder and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight."

"Night, Eric. Love you."

I didn't bother questioning it this time.

I felt it. Appreciated it… _Enjoyed_ it.

Instead of _dealing_ with it, I thought of something else to do…

_Bobby._

_Is a fucking status report too much to ask for?_

_You're paid too well to ignore my messages. I know where you live._

_Fucking asshole._


	15. Chapter 15

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 15**

**Confession**

It was becoming painfully obvious to me that waking up to her smell was growing from an enjoyable bonus to a nagging craving.

She wasn't there.

She wasn't in the room, only faint traces that she'd been in recently.

If Pam rose as early as I do, she surely would have felt how disappointed I was… and I'd have to deal with how amused she'd be… forever.

Hoping for Sookie to only be distracted from the time of day by something trivial, I concentrated on her emotions… and I felt her determination…

Proving myself right lifted my mood… Another line item Pam would use against me if she could.

Waiting for Sookie to return to me, I found my phone on its charger once again and began checking my messages.

_Eric._

_I have collected the list of books you've given me; Canterbury Tales and the Little House franchise as well as Anna Karenina are waiting for you in your library._

_I received shipping conformation for the medic alert bracelet for Pam. It will arrive in three days._

_The repairs were done to the edge of the pool yesterday. The workers gave me the message that the repairs will take a little while to set completely because of the humidity and to 'take it easy' on the section._

_The investigation into Bartlett Hale didn't offer much information. It seems as though he is elderly and not much more than financials and residential data were found. The file is in your safe._

_The new windows are installed in the Stackhouse residence as requested. The Security company wants to know when would be a convenient time to offer the tutorial because they're done too._

_The Stackhouse home is now overhead free through the end of January. There was no water bill since they use well water. The power bill was already on a 'budget plan' making it easy to pay for the next few months as well as the last month. I took the liberty of filling the oil tank and making sure their window units have plenty of Freon too. The mortgage is now current and paid through the year._

_I managed to find a 'banana collector' who was clearing out their collection on ebay and I easily found several banana scented candles, bath products and a cookbook on Amazon. There are more than a hundred banana themed items en route to Shreveport as I type._

_The ball gags were hard to collect but there are more than 20 of them waiting for Pam when she returns from business._

_The chair was delivered just today while I was receiving the Stackhouse vehicles. They are as 'clean' as they will ever get considering their age._

_I met with the contractors today. The painting will begin tomorrow and only take two days. The gazebo has been ordered and will be installed in time for the painters to include it in the job._

_And there are structural issues due to the age of the house. The firm to complete the construction on the safe room doesn't recommend excavating. I need a 'next step'._

_Bobby._

Reply:

_Bobby,_

_Was that so fucking hard?_

_Have the old aluminum shed replaced with a large wooden one (paint white to match the other structures on the property) and have the safe room hidden beneath it._

…_make sure to have the old one removed._

_Good news._

_You get to keep your job, among other things… for now._

_E. Northman_

_Mr. Northman,_

_I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for you and your company that the weather holds out. The forecast is calling for storms later tonight and Mrs. Stackhouse seemed so excited to go on the walking cemetery tour when we made the reservations… She's so sweet though. She says that if you're rained out, it's somebody's way of telling y'all to take a night to relax. She wouldn't let me make backup plans either. Please call me if you want me to run out and get any movies or board games for y'all. The cabinet over the washer and dryer is stocked with storm supplies too; flashlights, candles and all. I know __**you**__ don't need them, but since you have humans in the house… You know._

_Mrs. Stackhouse was so cute when I gave her the camera you asked for. She ran out to the garden to take pictures of the flowers and ran around like a kid with a new toy. She probably filled the memory card already, but it came with a USB cord so you can clear it off for her before you leave for your sightseeing._

_I'm sorry... I called every haberdashery, tailor and seamstress in the phone book and none of them do house calls. Since everyone needs to stay on the property, I had to use my imagination and went to a thrift store to find some suits that might fit Mr. Stackhouse. I had some luck and managed to get a good fit so that I'd know what size to get. I ended up ordering one medium grey and one navy blue silk suit for him. I can buy his shirts and ties when I stop by tomorrow to pick them up, but I wasn't sure enough about the colors to commit to anything until I hear from you. He told me that he is a 'wash and wear' kind of guy so I went to the department store and bought jeans and T-s with his incidentals. I'll buy him whatever else you think he needs. Just let me know. He was just too shy to ask for anything else._

_I really appreciate the job offer, and flattered to boot, but relocating would just cost more money than I have. Besides, you're only really impressed with me because of how well I know my way around down here. I'd be lost in Shreveport and pretty much useless. Besides, who would get your house ready for you when you visit NOLA?_

_Let me know if y'all need anything._

_Paulette._

Reply:

_Paulette,_

_Well done. Thank you very much. Your efforts, especially in the matter of Jason's dress attire, are above and beyond what I could have hoped for._

_I'm going to leave Jason's accessories up to you since you obviously know what you're doing. I've never been one to fix what isn't broken. _

_I'm sure, storms or no, we will manage just fine. Don't sit by the phone waiting for us to interrupt your evening._

_As for relocating, I'm not sure you understand when I say I'm prepared to offer you __**anything**__. The adage that 'good help is hard to find' isn't overstated. I'm certainly willing to cover your expenses of moving and setting up house in Shreveport. Since your duties would increase, a raise goes without saying. And to take care of your concerns of being 'lost', we can most definitely arrange for a GPS as a safeguard. The offer still stands… with enthusiasm._

_I'm sure there will be a list waiting for you in the morning._

_Enjoy your night._

_Eric_

My next step was to offer Paulette the car and condo she was worth… Good help wasn't as hard to find, as it was hard to transfer it seems.

I wasn't surprised to see that I had voicemail, just who it was from.

Sophie-Ann's lawyer, rather: one-man-legal-_team_, had called to leave a message about being by at 10pm with Sookie's contract if he didn't hear otherwise.

I took a moment to enjoy the personal victory while I waited for the time and date nonsense to be out of the way for the next message... The intense 'negotiation' I had prepared myself for turned out to be more of a shopping list of preferences that was simply checked off.

The second message was from one of the queen's donors asking to make arrangements to discretely meet with Hadley at the queen's request. How very considerate.

The third message left me hollow. A shell… the presence of an emptiness I was sure I'd felt the zenith of in my multitude of boring years… I was so wrong.

Detective Coughlin called with 'good' news. "Sheriff Northman, we finally got the warrant. We picked him up as he was leaving work and had his DNA samples taken while he was being processed. It should all be over soon. It'll only take a few days to get the results back. Thanks for all your help."

_Thanks_, indeed. I'd helped get a 'killer off the streets'. Wonderful.

I suppose I should be happy that my project of keeping him from killing enough women to make national headlines was successful… I was definitely pleased that Sookie would be enjoying the gratification of helping her brother. Finding a facet of her gift that she could be proud of (rather than annoyed by) should definitely improve her perspective on her talent.

What was screaming at me loud enough to drown out my rational side was an anger based anxiety…

I'd given Sookie the key to her gilded cage.

Sookie is going… _home_.

Leaving.

Not leaving my care… leaving _me_.

The surgical removal of my 'telepathic growth'…

Ridiculous scenarios sped through my thoughts…

I could arrange to bail Rene out then have him 'disappear'. They would stay with me indefinitely… I could arrange to have his DNA samples tampered with to extend their stay… I could arrange a '3 hour tour' in the gulf. Being 'stranded' though...

As though the cosmos had a sense of humor like my own, a sudden thunderclap rattled the house. The universe was laughing at me.

The echo of rain bombarding the windows behind the blackout curtains did nothing but jab away at my nerves.

More thunder.

I could do nothing for the storm, but I could kill Pam on the principle…

It wasn't her fault that I'd miss seeing, being with, touching Sookie every night… but I could take it out on Pam for being so fucking right about how I felt.

Fuck her.

My head jerked to stare at the door when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs…

Barefoot, quietly creeping along slowly… too slowly…

I was so centered on the sounds of her tiny feet inching along the hardwood that I jumped at the sudden jangle caused when she took hold of the doorknob.

The door inched open as it would in an old horror movie.

Suspenseful… agonizing…

Anticipation.

She peered into the room and then the anxiety was over. She stepped into the room at a more normal pace, feeling irked and swinging the door shut behind her. "Damn it."

"What's wrong?"

She giggled on her way to the bed, confusing me. "I just like being with you when you wake up." At least it's a mutual neediness.

I watched her put her knees on the bed at my feet and crawl up to straddle me… I rested my hands on the curves of her hips, doing my best to seem in good humor. "What's to blame?"

"Your backgammon board… Gran kicked my ass. I had a good lead until she started rolling doubles. It's Jason's turn to be embarrassed now." _The determination._

"You were in here just a while ago."

Sookie jumped at a sudden crackle of nearby thunder and smiled into the dark when she recovered. "When I came in for dinner Jason started whining about my bikini. I came to grab some clothes." Jason, the joy kill.

"How is he reacting? Is he giving you any grief about being with me?"

She huffed. "He tried at breakfast. Gran shut him down before I had the chance to say anything." My own personal fan club: Adele Stackhouse.

"How did she manage that?"

"She hit him… slapped him upside his head and told him that she'd be surprised if he ever treated a girl half as good as you treat me… Shut. Right. Down."

I chuckled. The only thing I could think of that I didn't appreciate about that woman was that we'd outlive her. "Can you suggest a fair bonus for that?"

She giggled while her eyes rolled around, searching for the answer. "Jonathan Swift. George Orwell."

I was stunned that Sookie gave me something. "You already had them in mind?"

"I was being goofy while I laid out today. I got to thinking of stuff that Gran might like."

"What did you think of?"

She smirked at me. "I'm not telling. I want to have some fun spoiling her too."

I smiled at her. "Understandable."

"At least I got to see the look on her face when Maxine Fortenberry called this morning to ask if Gran hit the lotto." Fucking busy body.

"What do you know?"

"Gran is going to love her chair… But what was Bobby doing with our cars?"

"They were just being tuned up and detailed. You said you'd refuse a new one."

She giggled slapping my shoulder. "Stop. You're spending a fortune on us and we're not like that." Not being the type to expect gifts is what made giving them so much fun…

"Not only am I taking care of _my pet_, but we negotiated '_bonuses'_."

She pushed her lips together, hiding a smile behind her realization that I have a loophole that allows me to indulge her. "_Please_. It's all very sweet, but… I have this _manager_ that just negotiated one hell of a contract for me and for the first time in my life I'm going to feel self sufficient."

I found her hands, lacing our fingers together. "Then I have a confession."

Her fingers tightened around mine. "Ohhhh, you sneaky… damn… vampire! What else did you do?"

I smiled at her, knowing that if I hadn't taken her hands, I'd have been swatted at like a housefly again. "I ordered some work to be done to your house. All of it is minor updating except for the light tight safe room for the property. And I promise not to order anything else so that you can enjoy taking care of it yourself… I still reserve the right to spoil you though."

She brightened. "A safe room? What for?"

"It seems that Adele has invited Bubba to visit. I'm sure the queen will be more secure with Hadley's visits if she has a sound resting place… And I might find an occasional use for it."

She leaned over smiling, kissing me. "You might, huh?"

My mood was already improving just having her with me, but suddenly my situation was recovering immeasurably. I lifted my hips into her, letting her hands go to hold her mouth to mine.

She let herself become breathless before she pulled away, dragging her tongue down the tip of my fang as she did. She rocked her hips against me as she slowly lifted her tank top away, unveiling her delicious breasts… my hands drawn to them magnetically. No bra… no tan lines… gracious little nipples, just begging for a pinch, a cool breath, a bite…

"Hmmmm, do your panties match?"

She smirked coyly. "My underthings _always_ match."

"Show me."

She started inching her shorts over her hips, locking her smolder on me.

"No. Stand up. _**Show**_ me."

She bit her bottom lip, pivoting her neck as she questioned my seriousness. She finally resolved herself… rocking back to take her feet, standing over me…

She was shy as she started pushing her shorts down again, nervous, insecure of being watched… balancing on one foot, then the other to be rid of the last thing coming between us at the moment… and with more poise than she thought she had.

"Beautiful." The added heat from her blush wasn't lost on me. 'Pudgy'? That shit Burnham knew nothing… Curves. Soft voluptuous curves.

Sookie wasn't just another strung out rail with no self esteem… she was a woman with no grasp of how enticing she is… so untouched… so pristine…

So _**Mine**_.

She leaned… moving to lower herself again.

"Wait… I want to watch _you_."

She winced, wanting to resist, as much as wanting to comply… I watched the battle play out on her face with her eyes locked on mine… unintentionally intensifying the situation.

"I know you know how."

She slammed her eyelids down, finally relenting… her hand balked, hoping to stop herself… embarrassed.

Her little fingers danced over her clit, ineffective at first…. Slowly replacing her feeling of discomfort was a low resonating bliss and warmth as she relaxed to her task…

"Sookie, open your eyes."

She hesitated, finally obeying me… giving me the shine from her eyes to go with everything else in her arsenal…

I started stroking myself. The act was only a comfort measure for her... My accidental vixen's performance above me had already done its damage… Her arousal filled the room as her fingers glistened, sliding in and out of her divine body. The small noises sneaking from her throat…

I enjoyed every twitch of her tone thighs, watching her struggle to keep her legs under herself as her breathing quickened… finding use for her other hand, playing with her already drawn nipple…

Her lust filled me as it grabbed her, took her over, tying to my own and pushing my patience…

I growled, "_Come for me, Sookie_."

I was lost for a moment… following the trail… a bead of her sweet sap trickled down her thigh. It was an escape all on its own.

She bit her lip, getting closer still… her eyes still locked on mine, telling me she was only doing this because I asked…

Her body began to tremble, racked by want, craving, need…

Humming and panting, her jaw clenched trying to stifle the panicked gasp of letting go… shuddering and jerking through her release…

I sat up, pulling her hand to me… licking away every drop of her flavor… taking her hips, helping support her… stealing every drop from her thighs…

Pulling her down onto me… her slick body slipped down my cock like it had wants beyond Sookie's or mine… her mouth went to my neck teasing and pushing me…

Moving her, with her, against her… feeling her heart pounding against my own chest… her shallow, pained gasping making every fiber of me stand on edge as they fell over my skin…

Peace. Desire. Love…

Alive…

Her perfection swallowed me… pulsing around me as her next orgasm found her… her head fell back... her pulse... the sinew of her throat… '_Oh my God, Eric'_ was all the invitation I needed to get lost… Pushing my fangs in… filling myself with her blood…

I fell back, dazed and she crashed into me…

I felt her struggle for air, her heart rate begging for calm… her utter bliss as she went limp over me… blanketing me in her feral grip until she settled enough to shift into 'Sookie's cuddle'.

…And I lay there… sure that the feelings… _**the **_feelings… must have been Sookie's.

Her hand drifted across my chest and she rested her chin on my shoulder to look at me. "Feel better now?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were… I don't know, _tense_ when I came in."

"I had just checked my messages."

"Uh oh… do I want to know? Should I know?"

I didn't want to tell her. Fuck… the idea that she might actually be excited or relieved to leave me made me want to kill something… _a lot of somethings_.

I braced myself for disillusionment for the first time I could remember. "Coughlin called. Lanier has been arrested. It seems like you are getting out early for good behavior."

Her stare was blank, but the way her body seized and she was awash with devastation spoke volumes. For a moment I let myself feel comforted by the fact that she didn't get any happiness from the idea of leaving me.

"You should be proud of yourself… Sookie, you successfully exonerated your brother and are the sole reason Lanier's five victims will get any justice."

She forced a half smile. "And you get your peace and quiet back." I watched her throat clench, struggling against herself to stay composed and failing.

I ran my hand over her back, hoping to fake my own cool adequately. "I promised that you wouldn't be away from your life for long."

She nodded awkwardly, only confirming that I was floundering just as fucking much as she was. "I guess I'll still get to see you once a week, right?" Her chin started to tremble and I could feel the pain rising in her chest.

"Is that all I get?"

She scoffed. "You'd finally be rid of me and you'd want more than you _have to_ put up with?"

"Sookie. I will not be _rid of you_… You've had my blood, I can feel you. Say something you mean."

She shook her head. "It's stupid."

"I still want to hear it."

"I'll miss you, alright? I know I haven't known you very long, but I'll miss being with you. I'm not looking forward to going back to Bon Temps… There. Happy now!?" Her tone was angry, as if she was accusing me of something.

"Then don't go back."

"What?"

"Stay with me... Stay in Shreveport."

"I can't… I can't leave Gran alone… I can't quit on Sam; it was hard enough for him to replace one waitress way out there…"So loyal…

I kissed her forehead. "Then we'll have to figure out a way to still see each other often… You could certainly spend your nights off with me…"

She sniffled, trying to smile. "…And since you're putting in the light tight room, you could slum it in Bon Temps once in a while." 'Slum' it. Not the words I'd ever use… not when it came to spending time with her.

"With all of the travel we'll be doing for a while, you'll be sick of me soon enough."

I was not only hit with her sudden and complete disbelief… but felt reassured by it. "Bullshit. I love being with you. Why is that so hard to believe?" Because she seems too good to be true.

"Because once you bond to me formally, there'll be no escaping me. You'll feel my emotions as I do yours."

She smiled with her eyes. "Really? I'd get to feel…. That's seems like a bigger pro than a con." I'm not sure how I expected her to react, but that wasn't it.

"You'd want to sense my feelings?"

She giggled as she sat up, cutting her eyes away from me bashfully. "If you ever repeat this, I'll deny it, but… from time to time I actually wish I could read your mind. Not vampires, just you." Unbelievable.

The 'disability' that has haunted most every aspect of her life… I was staring.

She grabbed my wrist, pulling me out of bed… because I let her. "C'mon. Let's get a shower before the storm knocks out the power and the hot water heater with it."

"I'm sure your family will want the news, at least."

Sookie snickered. "Eh. You know Gran, she might cuff herself to the desk in your study in peaceful protest. She's not going to want to go home any more than me… But Jason will be happy to have Gran back to cook real meals for him."

"Jason should be happier that he won't be starring in his own prison shower scenes with a cellmate named 'Princess'."

She started laughing like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard.

"What? I was only half joking."

"Nothing… I just… I need to find gay-prison-porn now that he's off the hook. His birthday is coming up."

"I'm sure that can be arranged, but I'd go a step further. I could have a knuckle dragging Neanderthal show up to his door with roses. 'Rene told me all about you, handsome'." Don't ask me how, but she had me in a joking mood.

We were only half dressed after our shower when there was a loud knock on the door.

Sookie smiled as she pulled her t-shirt over her head. "Pam." Oh joy of joys.

I growled. "Enter."

Pam's nostrils flared as she stepped in, closing the door behind her. "Do we have plans tonight?"

"Other than a meeting, we don't. You do though."

Her eyebrow perked up, curious and worried at the same time. "Consider me braced."

"Hadley needs to go home to feed and change into an outfit she hasn't been wearing for two days."

"You want me to take her?" No. I just felt like being random. Twat.

I nodded. "I arranged for a donor for you too. They're meeting the two of you at her apartment for discretionary reasons."

"Do you think Gran doesn't understand how it works? She knows you're feeding from Sookie." I really was at the end of my rope with her. Even Sookie was felt anxious about the topic.

"Did you say something to her?"

She shook her head defensively. "No. Last night, Jason was going on about Bill making a combo meal out of him. She told him to 'stop being a baby because Sookie doesn't whine about it so it can't be so bad'. Then she kissed him and told him she was glad to see that he was 'alright'." She followed her recounting with a shrug.

Sookie cringed from her seat on the bed. "Hadley might have said something, but she's still kind of shy about being a vampire… Gran probably just figured it out. She's too smart for her own good."

Pam snickered at her. "How many times have you done the walk of shame?" I was on the verge of throwing her out of the room when Sookie giggled, blushing.

"I guess you're right. She's been in the kitchen… like… every time. I'm gonna blame it on all the smut she reads."

Pam had a sudden burst of laughter. "You were really lucky to end up with her… Alright… So I am taking Hadley 'out to dinner'. Should I have her gather a couple days worth of things? Or just an overnight bag so that she has an excuse to run back and forth?"

"I don't suppose lying about a reason would make much sense, considering Adele's perspective so it doesn't matter."

Pam gave me a single nod, turning for the door. "I'll fetch her. I'm sure she isn't used to bottles. She'll be anxious to leave."

Sookie snorted at her. "Bullshit. '_She'll be anxious'_… **my ass**. You act like you wouldn't rather eat a turd than drink bottled."

Pam turned to give her a serious look. "_Shame on you_, Sookie. This is about _Hadley_." Then she winked as she left, leaving Sookie laughing.

Sookie leaned against me, smiling, beaming at me with her arms around my back.

"I won't tell anybody. Your secret's safe with me."

"What secret?"

"That you were nice to her."

"She's being a pain in my ass. Feeding her is an offensive strategy."

She licked her lips. "Bullsh…"

I slapped my hand over her mouth, only to have it giggled into. "You're not allowed to be a brat too."


	16. Chapter 16

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 16**

**Progress**

When Sookie and I came around the corner to the kitchen, Adele was slicing a cake at the counter.

I snuck in behind her and scooped her up, earning a loud squeal as I set her on the counter. "Old people have heart attacks!"

Sookie and I laughed while Jason looked surprised that she wasn't scared of me. "I'll have to keep that in mind since _I'm_ so old… Now… You aren't practicing baking files into cakes, are you?"

Jason snarled at me from over his grandmother's shoulder.

Adele laughed, "Not yet."

"Then you won't need to start looking for a recipe either... Detective Coughlin called. The killer is in custody. They are simply waiting for his DNA to match."

So help me, Adele grabbed my head at the ears and pulled my face down to give me a grateful kiss. "Sakes alive! You two make one heck of a team!"

I couldn't help but smile at her. "You're right about that... It seems that when we return from our visit, it'll be safe for you to go back to your house."

She raised her eyebrow in all seriousness. "Y'all have fun."

I laughed. "I beg your pardon?"

"I'm not going anywhere. I still have reading to do."

Sookie and Jason had the same reaction. "Gran!"

"You two hush! The grownups are talking… There's at least 200 books in his study that I've never heard of because they aren't at the library."

I smiled, lifting her again to help her from the counter. "And every few days, you'll get a supply of fresh reading material."

"You'd let me borrow some?" Whatever I don't buy.

"Whatever you like. Far be it from me to keep you to myself in Shreveport. Think of how many pounds would be lost in Bon Temps if you were to stop baking for all of them."

Sookie slapped my ass playfully after she dug a drink bottle out of the fridge. "Hey! No fat jokes. There's at least one 'pudgy redneck' you don't mind being around."

Jason looked… more than pissed. "You call her a pudgy redneck!?" And what if I did?

"No. My soon to be unemployed day man thinks of her as one. I need to clone Paulette. She's far better at the job and amiable..."

He withdrew his upset, covering it with a dopey grin. "She's nice too." I almost laughed and had it not been for Adele correcting him that amiable and nice are the same thing, I would have made fun of him.

I had to change the subject to get away from the litany of Forrest Gump quotes running through my mind… "So Adele, since your plans were rained out tonight, what will we be doing instead?"

"I don't know about y'all, but I have a date."

Sookie and I both laughed at the look on Jason's face again. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"Mr. Poe… We'll visit The House of Usher and if the storm lets us have lights long enough, we might jump into a Cask of Amontillado."

I really do enjoy this woman. "No Red Mask of Death?"

"I read it over breakfast while I was waiting for everyone else to get up. That and Bon-Bon."

"Adele, you seem to be suffering from some antisocial behavior."

She laughed. "Who's _suffering_?! I couldn't be happier. There's something relaxing about having all of my grandbabies in one place, happy and healthy."

By the time I kissed the woman's forehead, pleased that she found herself so content, Jason had managed to put his foot in his mouth again.

"Well, Hadley ain't exactly healthy, Gran. She's dead." His tone wasn't seething; he simply thought he was smart for having noticed a difference.

Adele's mood soured instantly. "Jason Stackhouse! She's plenty healthy. She was less alive the last time we saw her, pulse be damned. You shut your hateful mouth!"

"Shit. Sorry Gran… I just…"

She cut him off and it was the first time I saw the woman truly angry. "You 'just'. You _always_ 'just'. Think about things before you open your mouth. Your cousin disappeared 5 years ago and she's only been a vampire for 2 of them… She didn't start to miss us, her family, until after she became a vampire. You 'just' think about that!" Well, fuck. That about covered it all… including why she was so unaffected by the news of Hadley's vampire status.

"Sorry Gran. I still love her, I just… I was kidnapped and fed off for God sakes!"

"Yeah. You were. A horrible rogue vampire stole you from your house and snacked on you. I guess it makes complete sense that that one vampire would make you a bigot… It's not like there aren't human 'bad-guys' or anything."

"It's weird to be related to one is all."

"Jason, you don't have to climb your family tree far to find a human that isn't worth spitting at. Why don't you have some pity for Andy and Portia. Those poor souls are related to Bill Compton."

"No Shit!"

"That jerk had kids before he died and moved away. It didn't occur to me until the meeting that one of his daughters married a Bellefleur… Eric, do you think he was such a knob when he was human?"

"There's no telling. I didn't meet him until he was a few years old. It would be safe to blame his maker though. She is… _not_ stable."

She chuckled. "You can't blame makers for everything. Sometimes a bad seed is just a bad seed."

"You mean like Pam?"

She shook her head, patting my shoulder. "You know she's a keeper."

"A keeper… Sure, but the price of the keeping…"

She cut me off, laughing. "You already accepted the blame for that..."

Sookie flanked me, laying her head on my shoulder to give me doe eyes. "…And if it's the cost that bothers you, you could always cut back your expenses in other departments."

"Oh, no. Nice try. I have too much fun spoiling you two… In fact…" I pulled out my phone with the intention of having Bobby install new appliances in the Stackhouse home, but Sookie snatched it from my hands.

"What did we talk about?"

"I'm fairly confident that you were informed of how I felt about _your_ bratty behavior."

She giggled at how serious I was trying to be. "We also talked about letting me take care of myself."

"… Yes, but taking care of yourself isn't the same as spoiling. What I have in mind isn't something you would do because you are thinking in the practical." I reached for my phone and she jerked it away, holding it behind her.

I darted around her, taking my phone back and pulling her against me. "Hmmm. 'Keep away' from a vampire, Sookie? Really?"

She laughed, laying her head against me to look back. "I had to try."

"Sapphires."

"What?"

"You're going to pay for your little act of rebellion… Sapphires will do nicely."

"Oh no you don't!"

"You prefer rubies? Diamonds? Emeralds? But your favorite color is _blue_." Adele 'helped' by nodding while she laughed.

"I don't want jewelry. I'm not the kind of girl that likes that kind of thing."

"But I _am_ the type of guy that wants to see you spoiled. So you'll make me happy by wearing it."

She elbowed me. "You're a jackass."

I lowered my mouth to her ear. "The stone just got bigger."

She stomped her foot and growled, not realizing that she was bouncing her ass off of my dick. "Not a ring."

"Why?"

"Because it would get messed up. I wash my hands like 20 times a shift."

"That's reasonable." But she _could_ wear one when she's reading minds.

Jason started shaking his head. "No. Retarded."

She snapped, "Shut up, Jason!"

He laughed at her. "Any other girl would already be online filling a shopping cart and he just had to _FORCE_ a sapphire on you."

"I don't want to be like any other girl though! I don't want to look like a… a _gold digger_." I adored that she'd said 'gold digger' like it was a crime. Rape, murder, gold digging.

He started shaking his head again. Maybe the breeze helped his inner squirrels. "First of all, it ain't gold digging if he wants to get it for you. And B, You already ain't like 'any other girl', bonehead! You're a mind reading waitress with a rich vampire boyfriend. The boat for normal left on you a long time back. Damn!"

She huffed when I started laughing, looking back to me. "You are a HUGE brat."

I ran my finger along her jaw, down the center of her throat… to where her collar bones make that succulent little dent… "It'll sit right here."

"Brat."

"Do you have a preference on metals?"

She teasingly snarled at me, "Silver."

I let her loose, returning the ass slap she'd given me. "Platinum it is. Do you have any other requests?"

"It can't be too big. I don't want it to make me a mugging target."

"I was thinking at the other end of the spectrum… It should be so big that when you're waiting tables, there's no way anyone there will think it's real."

"OH MY GOD! I'm starting a list! I'm going to keep score… By the time we get on the plane to go home, I'll have proof that you're the pot calling the kettle black! You didn't turn Pam into a brat! She picked up on your behavior! Like a family of smokers!"

I smiled at her. "Earrings to match."

She hissed like a scared cat.

"A bracelet too?... Okay." Her cheeky little debates were going to give me license to swathe her in every gem I could get my hands on.

"Oooooohhhhh!"

"You're going to end up with a wardrobe of diamonds too."

Her face contorted into a pouty mass of wrinkles and she slammed her ass into a chair at the table. She was done.

I win.

Sookie was dialing back her lament enough to be in the same room with me by the time our meeting arrived.

She narrowed her eyes at me as I took her hand, leading her to the door with me. "The meeting."

"What do you need me for?"

"It's Sophie-Ann's lawyer with your contract."

"Oh..." She stopped suddenly, anxious. "Do I want to meet a daemon?"

I nodded. "You'll like him."

"Shut up!"

"He's a very savvy individual and his manners are impeccable."

She giggled, trying to relieve her stress. "Is he smart and polite too?" She was making fun of her brother.

I bit my lip. "Damn it. I tried to let that go. How did you come from the same parents?"

She shook her head. "I wonder myself sometimes."

After his usually saccharine introduction and requisite pleasantries (during which Sookie ran away to get a hand towel to dry him with), Mr. Cataliades settled into business by handing over the contract so that I could look through it.

Sookie sat next to me, reading along and completely confused by some of the legal verbiage used, but not saying anything.

"I can't answer you if you don't ask."

She was slightly embarrassed. "It says 'exclusivity pertaining to telepathic talents'… As opposed to waitressing talents?"

I nodded. "It's guaranteeing that you won't be treated like a pet and sent on unrelated errands."

"Like dog walking or replacing run stockings."

Mr. Cataliades and I answered her in unison, "Precisely."

She grinned. "Ok, the list of holidays?"

"Double time. If you're required to work on a human holiday, you'll be paid $10,000 per day instead of the normal rate."

"Uh…"

Mr. C cleared his throat. "I'm here to negotiate. Not just witness the signature, Miss Stackhouse."

"I won't work Christmas Eve or Christmas unless someone's life is at stake… But I'm willing to take Veteran's Day, Memorial Day and Labor Day off the overtime list as a concession." If we'd already bonded she'd have easily felt how proud I was of her, but she gave me an unsure look.

Mr. C pulled his laptop out of his briefcase and started typing with a smile on his face.

Sookie went back to reading and after a few moments gave me another unsure look. "Uh… What is 'working stipulations as per the OSHA standard of human safety regulations'?"

"We have the right to refuse to enter an environment that would be unsafe to you. OSHA standards also give you meal breaks and limit the number of hours you work in a given day."

She beamed at me. "You thought of that didn't you?"

"If you get exhausted, it would affect me." Rather, my 'until sunrise' plans.

She smirked… and went back to reading. "Vampire physical injury payment standard?"

I had to think about how to word it without scaring her. "For instance, the scratch Long Shadow gave you… Had he done that to me and I documented it before it healed… It would have been worth a fine. You'll be given the same 'injury consideration' as a vampire."

"How much?"

"Your injury would have cost his estate or maker approximately $20,000."

"Holy Shhhhh…. You… It…"

"The fine is steep for a reason. It's serves as deterrence. You could have incurred a medical bill as a result. Sophie-Ann is guaranteeing that she will instantly cover those fines with your payment then seek repayment from the responsible party on her own."

"But you…" She stopped herself before she mentioned Long Shadow's final death.

"I was justified." I rubbed her back, hoping she'd catch on to our need to discuss the matter later.

She gave a shallow nod and went back to the contract. "The per diem part says that it includes 'lodgings'. Wouldn't we just stay here?"

"As a rule, but there may be times that she could need us to travel with her... The occasional Summit or she could hire you to help an ally elsewhere."

She nodded returning to the papers. "Reciprocating confidentiality… That means… mutually locked lips?"

I nodded. "She won't advertise your identity and you won't mention her reasons for hiring you."

"Fair enough… what about the 'exclusive to the state as a monarchy' part?"

"This is just for her. The contract doesn't include the other Louisiana sheriffs. We decide who you will work for and for how much."

"You can barter for trade and I can still help friends."

I gave her a nod, but Mr. Cataliades cleared his throat again. "Majesty did ask for one concession in confidence. She asked to be notified if Nevada contacts you for hire so that she can book you to not work for him. I'm sure Mr. Northman can explain her ongoing dispute with DeCastro."

Sookie looked at me, trying not to laugh. "She doesn't want her rival to play with her new toy?"

I shook my head as severely as I could, but the lawyer found Sookie's 'translation' hilarious. "That's exactly what it boils down to, Miss Stackhouse. He's not known to play fairly."

She was smiling at me with raised eyebrows. "If my master is fine with it then enough said." Hmmmm. _'My master'_. The reaction that caused…

I gave him a nod that I was thanked for.

"Uh, the contract isn't specific, but if you could let the queen know… I'm starting to think that there is a connection between my ability to read Were and Shifter minds and what they're thinking about it… John Quinn's thoughts last night were mostly about me… my boss back home is a Shifter and I know what he thinks about me, but not much of anything else."

"So you didn't get a good bead on his thoughts once you were in the throne room?"

"No sir, but to be fair, I was focusing on other things. We'll be able to be more definitive about it once the Sheriff has the chance to test me."

He smiled with his understanding. "Out of curiosity, how am I?"

She giggled. "Kinda like a mood ring. You're curious. In a good mood. When you got here you were skeptical, but not as much anymore… I don't get anything blatant though; no thoughts or pictures."

"Interesting. Have you tried having individuals think to you purposefully?"

She laughed. "God no! I've spent my whole life trying to separate my thoughts from others! Humans don't have the option though. Why? Do you want to try?"

"No, Miss Stackhouse. I know that Wybert was part of your test last night though."

"Oh. Really? I didn't get anything from him. Between Quinn's pornographic imagination and the Jimmy Buffet karaoke though…"

"He was trying to disgust you. If you could read his mind, you most likely would have had a violent reaction. The queen did it as a safeguard."

"Oh. My. God… Understandable, but damn… there's nicer ways to do that."

"In her defense, if you can hide your reaction to human thoughts, you'd be able to hide your reaction to vampire thoughts to a point. Yes?"

She grimaced, shaking her head slightly. "Like I said… Understandable, but… I don't even want to know after the fact, okay?"

"You won't hear anything from me, Miss Stackhouse. That's a promise."

Mr. Cataliades used my printer to give us an instant rewrite on the contract while I signed the amendment to my contract listing Sookie as my asset and pet (shockingly, already signed by Sophie- Ann). Sookie spared any sarcastic eye-rolling when she saw that her signature had to be sponsored by mine. I suppose that she'd feel better seeing that my contract stipulated that I accept accountability for her actions if she violates her own. Then again… it could scare the shit out of her and distract her from working…

On the way out he handed me a stack of envelopes and relayed the message of Sophie-Ann's formal reception of the Stackhouse family… then said his gracious goodbyes.

I knew what was in the envelopes and it was maddening to Sookie that I was taunting her.

'Keep away' is a lot more fun when I'm doing the 'keeping away'. She leaned into me after trying and failing to move faster than I could. I'd be lying if I tried to deny how much fun the chase around the foyer had been.

"Pleeeeeeeezzzzzzz."

"Please what?"

She whined out a laugh, shaking her body against me. "Pretty please with sugar on top?"

I shook my head, smiling, having too much fun.

She took a step back, eyeing me steadily. She licked her lips as she lowered to her knees at my feet and my body lurched as I realized where her plea was going… "Please… _Master._"

Nothing. My mouth couldn't form words. My body wouldn't respond. I was for all intents and purposes, frozen. My only function at the moment was the rapid reaction my dick was having to her unintentional turn on. I did nothing for long enough that she started to worry.

My goal had been a simple kiss… not the mother-lode…

"Sookie, stand up."

Her eyes stayed on mine as she rose, taking a careful step closer to me… and waited.

"I told you not to tease me."

"I wasn't. I thought that's what you wanted."

"I wanted a kiss… Don't call me your master when it's just us… unless you mean it."

She was confused for a moment. "It bothers you that you think I was making a joke of it."

"Yes. You aren't my pet. Pets are what you see at Fangtasia… Pets begging to happen. It bothers me that you think… _I don't think of you like that_."

She gave me a serious nod. "I'm sorry then… Technically, I'm your pet. That makes you my master." _My master_.

"Yes."

"Why can't the technicality just mean something different to us?" I couldn't find a perfect reason to disagree with her.

"It's a lie for the most part."

"Yeah well… they don't have to know that… Screw 'them' for thinking our relationship has to be as one-sided as the status quo. "

"We know better?"

"Sure. They'll get the show they want. We can both pretend that I'm not a pain in the ass long enough to get the job done."

"Sookie, you're not a pain in the ass."

"I'm a brat."

"Yes, but you're _my_ brat."

She laughed, leaning against me again. "Contractually bound to tolerate each other's shit."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "For the term of no less than a year."

"That means that you have to forgive me."

"And you, me."

"Still want that kiss?" Undoubtedly.

When I started to bend to her, she put her foot on the stair behind me, rising to meet me and not only kissed me, but rubbed her body into mine... amplifying the craving I was already fighting back.

She pulled away, wearing a wicked smirk. "Can I have my envelope now?"

I closed my eyes, laughing through my nose. "You're impossible."

She did a slight dance taking her prize from me. "All things are possible with a little patience."

"Do I owe Adele for your practical approach to having a master?"

"Uh uh, boyfriend. I actually got to that conclusion without Gran talking me down from a ledge."

"Really?"

She cut her eyes to look at me sideways. "The waiting area full of pets and donors we passed at the queen's palace kinda helped."

"How so?"

She cleared her throat and focused on my chest for a moment before her eyes met mine again. "Because… _My master_ has only ever forced _a sapphire_ on me."

She opened the first envelope and pulled out the letterhead within… She took a minute to dance quietly to whatever carefree music she was imagining.

I smiled as I watched her get completely taken over with the enjoyment of financial independence as she knew it.

It had been more than a little while since I'd been pleased for someone else just for the sake of being proud for them and I didn't consider the feeling wasted on her in the least…

She looked vaguely puzzled as she opened her second envelope. I watched her gape… then her eyes sped over the check… then the letterhead again… "Eric."

"Yes, Sookie?"

She shoved the papers into my hand. "She's crazy."

I chuckled, unwrinkling the paper to scan it. "No, dear one… She's just a good tipper."

"_THAT IS NOT A TIP!"_

"You weren't under contract yet. You have to consider… You didn't quickly bring her drink refill to her... You saved her life."

"_THAT IS NOT A TIP_!"

I had to force back a laugh so that she wouldn't think I was mocking her. "Sookie, you saved her hundreds of thousands on legal fees alone. A war with another state would have cost her millions."

"You're serious."

"Completely."

She held up the last envelope up and her hand was shaking. "Oh! Thank God! This one is yours."

I traded the papers with her to open mine and it was as I expected. My 'finder's fee'. All of which I'd figure out a way to spend on Sookie… not that she'd make it easy.

She stood in front of me going over and over the checks… I assume checking her sanity since her eyesight had never been sharper.

I was becoming concerned with her mood, hoping to lift it from her stagnant disbelief… "Sookie, did you mention your contract to Adele?"

That seemed to be all it took.

She tore through the hall, dashing into the den where Adele was reading and Jason had fallen asleep to a baseball game… his rest was over… Sookie was shouting 'Gran' as loud as humanly possible.

The poor woman looked panicked. "Sookie? What's wrong?"

"I have a good reason for you to go back to Bon Temps!"

"Eric is moving in and bringing his books with him?"

I laughed, but her joke was lost on Sookie. "We need to go to the bank!"

"Is something wrong with our account?"

"NOT ANYMORE! _We need to pay off the mortgage_!" Jason sat bolt upright, rubbing his eyes.

"How are we going to do that?"

Sookie perched on the ottoman next to Adele's feet. "Last night, Eric had a little chat with the queen about his telepathic pet… and negotiated a contract for me… I just got my retainer check and a bonus for some stuff that I told her later."

She practically threw the checks at Adele and her knee bounced as she waited for a reaction.

"Oh. My. Stars! He told you so! Didn't he? He told you that you aren't disabled!"

Sookie laughed and smiled back at me. "I guess he did… So we're going to the bank to pay off the house and… and we need new gravel in the driveway…. What else?"

Adele smiled up at me. "That's it… the only other thing the house needed was windows."

"We could have the house repainted and get a new shed. Someone's gonna get tetanus from the old one."

Jason's curiosity was piqued and he finally went to join them to see what they were so excited over.

I raised my eyebrows at them. "Too late."

Sookie turned, scowling at me. "What did you do?"

"Nothing since I agreed to stop."

She stomped over to me, with a vicious look about her, putting her hand into the middle of my chest and shepherding me out into the hallway. "What did you do?"

I smiled at her. "The house is to be repainted starting tomorrow and the light tight room was originally planned to go under the house but the company doesn't want to risk damaging the house so I ordered a new shed to camouflage the entrance. I had Bobby collect wallpaper books and paint chips for the interior for you to choose what you like when we return. The coming and going of painters was to distract from the crew for the light tight room being installed. And landscapers are tending to the yard while you're away so that it isn't overgrown."

"That's all?"

"No. There's one surprise for Adele left, but it doesn't pertain to the house."

"What is it?"

"A gazebo. A comfortable place for her to read outdoors."

"A gazebo?"

I nodded. "Screened in with a ceiling fan and padded seats. She said the porch swing is too hard and that bugs are a problem."

She folded her arms in front of her, fighting to keep the corners of her mouth in check. "So… furniture and flooring and the bathroom tiles… all that is still up for grabs?"

"Absolutely… however… the plumbing and wiring could be a problem in regards to facilitating the safe room. I'll tend to those problems if they arise."

She nodded slowly. "And that's all the spoiling you've done?"

I shrugged. "Your bills are current."

"_MY BILLS!"_

"By the time you return home, you'll have missed more than a week of work. I didn't want the loss of wages to ruin the two of you or cause any stress for Adele."

She stared at me for a moment and her emotions were running so rampant, I couldn't distinguish one from the next.

I was so fucking on edge by the time she moved that she startled me by taking a step forward.

"But now you're going to let me do it right? You're going to let me take some pride in being able to take care of myself."

"I promise to not spend another practical penny on either of you." For a while, at least.

Her lip curled. "That's the best I'm going to get, isn't it?"

I nodded. "I'm afraid so."

Once Pam and Hadley returned from 'dinner' (which turned out to be a feed-and-fuck-a-thon with their donors), the family settled into the den for some visiting.

I excused myself to start Paulette's message for the morning and was silently followed by Pam.

I tried to ignore her while I wrote to Paulette that groceries for the three humans (and single feline) were required along with Adele's plans for tomorrow evening.

Pam sat wordlessly, stroking Tina, while I pretended as though she might come to the realization she was unwelcome.

When done, I laid the pen on the notebook and sat back, knowing that she had something to fucking annoy me about.

"The meeting. Did it go well?"

I nodded, waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Our contracts are out of the way. It was painless."

She sat motionless for a while, locking me in one of her well practiced glares. "Look, I know I've been teasing you and being annoying in general about your relationship with Sookie, but that's just because of how we always make fun of each other. I really like her. I can see why you '_care for her'._"

"Pam…"

"You don't have to defend her with me."

"Meaning?"

She rolled her eyes at the question. "She's more than an asset to you… Even if you won't admit that you love her yet… You respect her. I will too."

I shrugged at my lack of an argument and slight surprise. "I _do_ respect her."

"You've become very attached to her."

"Do you have a point?"

"Not really. I'm only curious. You haven't been away from her in days, yet you aren't looking forward to a break from her. The fact is interesting… Have you thought about Compton?"

"At the moment, Andre is most likely… _sewing_."

A wide sinister smile spread across Pam's lips to mirror my own. "It will take Compton a while to forget that lesson. What do you have in mind once you get him?"

"It will most likely take Lorena a couple of days to retrieve him… We'll need a bartender when we reopen."

She cackled. "Private pain from the queen for insubordination… and public humiliation…"

"As a message to not fuck around in my area. It should serve as quite the message that I won't tolerate being challenged… Would you like to shop for his _uniform_?"

"Oh… I already have something in mind. How much fun am I allowed to have?"

"The sky is the limit as long as he isn't '_exposed'_."

"Fucking human laws… I'll still get to gossip though, yes?"

"Of course."

Her eyes sparkled as her immoral imagination spun through her mental rolodex of disgraceful items that she could add to Bill Compton's wardrobe. "I'll go shopping tomorrow night. I wouldn't want to risk an online order not arriving in time."

"You could leave a list for Paulette."

She shook her head slowly. "Not for this. I'd hate to embarrass the friendly thing when you're still trying to recruit her."

I was about to thank her for reminding me when Sookie came to the kitchen doorway with her phone in hand.

"Eric? You busy?"

"Pam and I were just discussing clothes. Go figure."

She giggled. "Sam called to check on me. I was wondering if you wanted to talk to him about things or just wait until we get back… I'm sure you have a bunch to do when you can finally get back to work."

I waved her in since she'd stopped at the doorway and pulled her down to my lap as I took the phone. I was instantly sidetracked.

"Shifter."

"Bloodsucker. I asked Sookie if she knew when she'd be getting back to Bon Temps and she started acting squirrelly. Are you not letting her come back?"

"Sookie will be returning to Bon Temps in 6 nights. At the moment we are in New Orleans on a working vacation."

"New Orleans? You took her to the queen? Oh that's just wonderful! I can only imagine how long she's going to last now!"

"Merlotte, if you don't watch your tone, you're going to find yourself at the end of a very uncomfortable chain." Sookie slapped her hands over her mouth to quiet her laughter.

"Oh, whatever. Is it official? Is she yours?"

"Yes. The queen is announcing their protection formally."

"Their? They who?"

"The Stackhouse family."

"Why all of them?"

"That isn't any of your concern. What _is_ your concern is that from time to time Sookie will need to travel. I've agreed to provide a replacement for her when she needs to leave so that you aren't left… chasing your tail." Sookie covered her mouth again, but Pam laughed unashamedly.

"Why the hell would I want one of your fangbanging waitresses? Why not just keep her then?"

"Sookie wants to keep her job at your watering hole."

He laughed, giving me more than enough reason to want to drain him. "Like you give a shit what she wants!"

Sookie turned to face me with a deep scowl etched into her usually sweet face. "Is this like a thing? Vampires versus Weres?"

I shook my head, letting Pam explain that most Weres without a pack are far more docile.

Her scowl grew deeper. "I've never seen him like this."

He suddenly barked, "Am I on speaker?"

"No. Sookie can hear you."

"You're giving her your blood!" His reaction was akin to what I was prepared to deal with from Adele. A parental overreaction.

I quickly ran through my options and decided to hand the phone back to Sookie.

"You're giving up?"

"Cutting my losses. He's livid and on the verge of saying something that will bring about his death. It's better that I don't continue on with him."

She nodded, leaning back and putting the phone to her ear. "What's your problem, Sam?"

"He's using you."

"I know. It's horrible. Come save me." Her tone was so dry and sarcastic that I laughed hard enough to move her.

"I'm glad you all think it's so damn funny. Sookie, you're in danger. It's not safe for you to be with vampires. They eat off of humans."

"Wow. Look... The thing is I'm going to be working once in a while as a telepath. I'm going to need to travel."

"He's pimping you out!?"

"No. He _is_ managing me though."

"How long do you think it'll be before he lets someone else feed on you?"

"There's no point in getting nasty unless you're looking for a knee in your junk… I was thinking that since we aren't sure how soon I'd need to take off for a job, I should start training a stand in as soon as he finds one. Are you alright with that?"

"I don't know if I want to get caught up in this shit."

"Well then let me lay it out for you. I don't need to keep working for you. I don't need the money. I just need the practice. I can get that just by looking for drainers a few hours a night at Eric's place… Truth be told I'd rather be doing that anyway. So why don't you take a couple days. You can either replace me permanently or you can let me train a back up waitress."

"You're firm on this? How could you be so stu…?"

"Hey Sam, you should know me better than to finish that. I couldn't be safer. I couldn't be happier. You can get over your jealousy or not. Let me know."

"Sookie…"

She didn't give him the chance to finish. She snapped her phone closed and tossed it on the table. She sighed heavily. "Not all men are assholes. Some of them are dead."

I chuckled. "Excuse me."

"Holly has a t-shirt that says: 'Not all men are assholes. Some of them are dead."

Pam cackled out an 'amen' while Sookie giggled. The joke was nothing but a masquerade for how unhappy she was.

She seemed positively defeated.

"I think that I'm going to turn in. It's nearly 4."

I nodded as she left my legs to go upstairs.

When I got to our room, she was laying with her back to the door. Not sleeping, but she didn't react when I came in… or sat on the bed behind her knees.

When I laid behind her, she hugged my arm, pulling me closer.

"Are you having second thoughts about being with me?"

She gasped. "No!"

"You're feeling mournful."

She huffed. "I may very well have just told a good friend to piss up a rope. It would just make my life a little easier if I could tell him what you're really like with me." Not a good idea…

"Sookie…"

"Oh, I know… here's the rub… I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to tell him that you don't kick puppies and drain babies. Hearing that I'm happy should be enough for a _real_ friend."

"I've had to defend myself to Pam, if that makes you feel any better. I hear these things happen."

She snorted. "That's different though. You and Pam have been together for centuries. She isn't used to being out of the loop and suddenly you decide to have a personal life. It took her by surprise… Sam is just being a bigot… If you were human he'd…"

"…Be acting exactly as he is now because _he_ wasn't your choice."

"I guess you're right."

"I usually am."

She giggled, kissing my hand. "Usually right, always sexy… nice combination."

"I think so."

"And swaggering."

"Maybe a little."

She giggled again, hugging my arm more tightly.

"Your mood is improving."

"Stop that. I'm jealous."

I laughed into her neck. "No."

She laughed, shaking against me. "Brat."

"I simply enjoy getting what I want."

"Uh huh. And what are you like when you don't get what you want?"

I chuckled against her shoulder, dragging my teeth across it. "I put kittens and babies on pikes."

"Ooooh, good to know… In the interest of saving Tina's life, what do you _want_?"

I didn't warn her. In an instant I was showing her…

I pushed into her, forcing a panicked squeal from her…

Holding my hand over her mouth again…

Longing for the privacy of my room in Shreveport so that she could be free to make whatever noises she wanted…

Hot throbbing around my dick… euphoric… agonizing…

Her body, shaking against me…

Feeling her trust and lust and excitement…

Completely unfamiliar with love, but understanding need…

Needing this…

Needing her…

Every night…

As much as I could get.

Whenever I could get it.

More…


	17. Chapter 17

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 17**

**Not Funny**

She wasn't just with me…

I was wrapped around her…

Confusing… Not upsetting, just confusing…

"Oh, my god! You're awake? Let me up!"

I rolled away from her and watched as she ran off the bed and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Still _very_ confused…

I watched the door, waiting for Sookie… realizing that the taste of her blood was still in my mouth…

The pillow was stained…

My blood and hers…

What the fuck?

I listened as she tended to her human needs… using the toilet, brushing her teeth, brushing her hair, using the sink.

Still confused.

When she finally came out, she eyed me steadily as she crossed the room to take my phone from the bed and put it on the charger… Then slid onto the bed next to me on her knees.

"If I touch you with silver while you're dead would you react? Like move away?" Excuse me?

"What? I don't know… I suppose… Why?"

"I couldn't get you off of me… I've had to pee for hours, but I was pinned. You're really heavy… dead weight."

Fuck… "Sunrise…"

"…Yup. It snuck up on us…"

"Shit. I'm sorry." She'd been trapped under a dead body for an entire day. There wasn't much else I could say…

She shrugged. "I reached your phone… texted mine to let Gran know I was really tired and not to worry… then discovered that I suck at Texas Hold Em… but I like Sudoku. Then your battery died on me too." She giggled and slapped my arm.

She was taking it astoundingly well…

I closed my eyes, struggling to remember something, anything…

She snuggled up to me, leg over mine, arm over my chest, giggling into my shoulder… "It's a really good thing you weren't on top. I'd have been a goner."

"You've been thinking of jokes to make all day?"

"Not _all_ day… I mostly slept… I spent some time trying to remember… You remember _anything_?"

"We were together… I was behind you… after that… it's hazy."

"It happened again… like the first time… you put your wrist to my mouth… bit my shoulder… and we… I don't know what it's like for you, but… it's like we climb into each other... You died as soon as it was over… I was scared that something went wrong until I realized that… we kind of lost time… a couple of hours."

It explains why sunrise managed to surprise me…

At least I hadn't died in the middle of fucking her… She might not be as forgiving if that had been the case.

As it started to come back to me, I caught myself staring again.

"About an hour ago, my bladder got desperate… I started entertaining the idea of getting Jason to pull you back some… but that's the last thing I needed… you died… as you were… I wasn't about to have…"

"My fangs… they were still in you?"

She giggled, embarrassed to say anything. "Among other things."

Oh _fuck_. "Sookie…"

She cut me off, giggling. "Hey, we could have bigger problems."

"You've had plenty of time to ponder this."

"Sure, but I could just be delirious from hunger. Gran fried chicken for dinner… The _smell_… Believe me when I say it's a close race, but since I have to choose between food and you…"

Her stomach interrupted her by growling. "Sookie, go."

She giggled again and stretched up to kiss me. "You're a good sport. I'm sorry."

I watched her bounce from the bed and to our closet…

And practically run to the dresser for underthings before she disappeared into the bathroom.

She hummed while she washed away her day…

…Of being trapped under the cold body of someone twice her size… unable to move much more than her arm… with my fangs still in her shoulder… and my cock… Oh Fuck…

Embarrassed… not a common occurrence for me in its own right, but I was… I was completely mortified.

I'd died _ON_ her… _IN_ her… without warning.

And then Sookie called _me_ a 'good sport'?

Restrained to _that_ extent would be considered torture by most. And she's humming? A happy little tune… feeling nothing but hunger and relief… no animosity or bitterness… no residual despair or panic…

She's starving since she hasn't eaten anything but a piece of cake in 24 hours and pleased to be mobile… moving freely… at last.

More than 14 hours….

Trapped…

And smiling when she came from the bathroom.

Unbelievable.

She sat on my leg, kissing me with her arms over my shoulders. "Uh… I'm pretty sure that we're just hanging out around the house tonight, so dress comfy. K?"

I forced a smile. "Alright."

"Bring the sheets down so I can run them through the wash?"

I nodded.

She kissed me again as she bounced from my lap…

She stood in the open door. "By the way… natural witches' thoughts are tinted; slightly yellow… trained witches blend with normal humans though." She winked and closed the door behind her.

Un-fucking-believable.

I knew it was Pam when she knocked. Big shock… She barged in on my shower even though I didn't answer her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Pam, if I wanted to talk about it, I might have invited you in."

"Another '_private'_ matter? You didn't fuck up with Sookie did you?"

"That would be private."

"Then why… You feel… _guilty_." An open container of pickles in her closest… the odor stuck to her clothing would fuck with her for weeks.

"When I tell you to mind your own business… stay out of it… it's private… shut the fuck up… _**Why**_ doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Because I'm a nosy twat, or so my maker tells me. What's going on?"

"Sookie and I tend to… black out, loose time when we share blood… I died before we were done."

"You're acting like this over blue balls!?" She started laughing.

"Your maker is right! You _ARE_ a twat! I'm acting like this because she only just now got out of bed… she was pinned all day!"

"Oh my… Is she alright? Oh shit! Eric…"

"Somehow… she is fine."

"Fine? Like she won't be eating her hair in a mental ward for _too_ long?"

"Fine, like apologizing for being too famished to fuck first thing… Fine, like reminding me to bring the bloody bedding downstairs so _she_ could wash it… Fine."

"Nooooo."

I raised my eyebrows at her while I toweled off, waiting for her mouth to close and her eyes to go back to their normal size.

"Why didn't she call for help?"

"Modesty… Who was going to answer her? Her brother, her grandmother… Paulette wouldn't have dared…"

"Having Jason…"

"I died… _**before**_ we were done…" She gasped histrionically. "…She could reach my phone. She used the excuse of being exhausted so that Adele wouldn't worry, occupied herself with the preloaded games and managed to figure out how to ID witches mentally."

She betrayed herself with a confused smile. "So you're beating yourself up about it because she's taking it too well."

"In a manner of speaking… She should have been panicked, terrified… I could have hurt her."

"She seems to do well under stress."

"Indeed."

She rolled her eyes, huffing out an unnecessary breath and was lost in thought for a moment. "I was going to ask if she wanted to come to Hot Chocolate with me, but under the circumstances, she might not want to…"

"…Peruse aisles of things that would hold her down?" At least the thought occurred to her.

She cringed.

"Go ahead and invite her… Don't fucking embarrass her."

"Really?"

I shrugged, just hoping she'd leave me to get dressed eventually.

It seemed to work… she left quickly, not giving me the chance to change my mind.

I was pulling my shirt on, when Sookie came back.

Feeling satisfied and suspicious, chuckling as she went into the bathroom. "What the hell is Hot Chocolate and why does Pam want me to go with her."

"She has an errand and thought you might want to get out."

She took her tooth brush out of her mouth and leaned against the door frame. "Uh huh… What is Hot Chocolate?"

"It's an adult novelty shop."

She slapped her hand over her mouth. "Sex toys?"

I nodded. "One of her favorite stores."

"Oh, hell! I don't think I want to know that much about her!" Who does?

"I made her promise not to embarrass you."

"You… That's sweet, but…"

"It won't hurt her feelings if you're too modest to go."

I waited, watching, being watched… while Sookie finished at the sink. Her look was unsure as she crossed the room to me, but she was in good spirits as she hugged her arms around me...

"You feel improved now that you've eaten."

She giggled into my shoulder. "Soooooo much better… I ate nearly a whole chicken… and all the fixins."

"Is Adele worried about you?"

"Not at all. I told her."

"You told her?"

"Well, I left out the details, but I didn't want her thinking I'm sick... She laughed at me."

"She laughed at the idea of you being crushed into the bed all day?"

"No, she laughed when I told her that I thought about chewing your arm off when I smelled her chicken cooking."

She was dealing with the situation better than I was. I stood there, surprised that she wasn't upset by my arms being around her so soon.

"I'd better git… Pam and Hadley are pacing in the front hall. We're stopping at Hadley's apartment so they can grab dinner while we're out."

"That isn't going to be awkward for you?"

She raised her eyebrows. "I guess we'll find out." She lifted to her toes to kiss my cheek and left me…

I was almost ashamed to join Adele downstairs…

I don't hide.

That may very well be the only reason I left the solitude of our room.

I passed through the kitchen quickly, depositing the bedding in the garbage at the back door. There was no saving white silk from that much blood…

And returned to greet Adele and Jason. Two pieces of pie. One book. No surprise there.

"What are we reading tonight, Adele?"

"The Turn Of The Screw." Gothic tale of a haunted house.

"Keeping a theme?"

"Why not?"

"Well, we've yet to get you out for your ghost-walk and after all the time you've been staying with a vampire, you still haven't read Count Saint-Germain."

She chuckled. "What do I need that bum for when you already promised to… _noooooo_… _He wasn't_?"

I smiled at her, proud that she'd taken the bait. "One identity. Several vampires. The actual man was a bit of a problem, running about and claiming to be immortal… he was '_hushed'_ as a defensive tactic."

"Of course he was!" Her eyes were wide. Childlike, as though she were being told a fairy tale.

"There were a few of us though… who used him as an outlet for our boredom."

She snickered. "Like Elvis sightings."

I nodded. "Exactly."

She stared at me, obviously pleased about her history lesson, but Jason was lost… curious as opposed to last night's irate confusion. Manageable. "You killed a guy because he was pretending to be a vampire?"

"I wasn't who killed him, but this took place more than 200 years ago. At the time even humans were eager to make sure their interests were secure. If he accidentally boasted to the wrong zealot, he might have been put into a position to reveal a true vampire… and expose us all."

"So now that you're _out of the coffin _and all… What do you and Pam do?"

"I'm the Sheriff of the Shreveport Area. I opened Fangtasia to make the job less of a hassle. It's an outlet for the politics… The vampires of the area use it as a place to network and find a meal for the evening… The fangbangers have a designated place to congregate. There are other businesses and investments… but the bar is the storefront to my office."

Jason sucked his teeth. "Well shit! So who's taking care of the area while you're gone?" The Easter Bunny. We're old friends.

"I am."

"From this far away?"

"If there is a problem, they all know how to contact me, as do the police. Bill Compton is the first vampire in my area to go against me in over 50 years..."

I was hit.

I didn't feel it building.

I didn't sense a slight feeling.

HIT.

I had been mid-sentence and…

Alarm, panic, anger, aggression, urgency…

Not from just one of them… both.

Pam and Sookie were feeling identical emotions… and the only thing I was aware of aside from that was that I was afraid.

Actual fear… of my own.

…I'd felt them both enjoying their shopping. Sookie was feeling mischievous and somehow Pam had managed to be embarrassed by something. And only a few moments ago, I felt Pam's anticipation as she closed the distance between her and her meal. It's similar to a quickening. An exhilaration.

But the sudden chill of fear running through me had taken me so unexpectedly that the only real option was to concentrate on it… shushing Adele as politely as I could muster. Her concern was only based on the change in my demeanor…

There weren't any answers for us though. The only thing to do was wait since panic wasn't helpful. Wasn't practical.

Wait for word.

Pam would know to contact me immediately even if I hadn't had the opportunity to explain such things to Sookie.

Wait for word.

As I reached into my pocket, prepared to call and interrupt their encounter, I remembered that it was still in our room.

I tried to sound reassuring as I passed Adele's hand to Jason. "My phone is still in our room. I'll be right back."

"Eric, tell me something. Anything."

"All I can tell you is that Pam and Sookie are involved in some sort of argument or fight. They could be in a heated debate over the radio station for all I know."

"Horse puckey… Thanks though… for trying."

I actually found it in myself to smile at her and kiss her forehead before I raced up the stairs.

My phone was open. Thumb on the 3 to start dialing Pam's number when my back seized…

A sudden rail of pain swept over me… from my ass to my shoulders, leaving me leaning… the wall was my only companion as I recognized a sudden numbness in my legs…

Sookie…

As though the fear of something happening to her wasn't already enough, it was growing… the fear was growing, quickly becoming a grotesque darkness and beginning to eat away at what little fortitude I'd been faking.

I might have been able to make myself believe the pain I felt was Pam's, but the lie wasn't improving my status… if Pam were injured, she would heal faster, but Sookie would be unprotected.

The option of deluding myself was stolen when I felt a more familiar pain… simultaneously anesthetized and heightened… my abdomen seared… hot and heavy. Pam had been cut… burned… _silver_…

I gathered myself as quickly as I could, entering the kitchen only for a moment, passing through. "Adele, Pam has been injured. I'm leaving."

I opened the doors to the terrace and took to the sky just hoping that I wasn't too late.

There was no uncertainty…

Sookie and Pam were both pulling me from the same point. Beacons, of the same anger and confusion.

Pam's fear was dwindling, but Sookie's was building as though it had momentum…

And the smell of blood reached me before the ground met my feet.

Human _and_ vampire.

When I reached the door to Hadley's apartment, Sookie's eyes shot up to meet mine.

She was slumped over, covered in blood, dragging a body across the floor. Hadley was feeding from another with a bloody path behind it.

Sookie's eyes were nothing more than pools of tears as she croaked, "Help me. Pam's hurt."

I hadn't even surveyed the rest of the scene to notice anything once I saw that Sookie was unharmed.

…Pam wasn't in my line of sight, on the floor behind the couch.

I grabbed the arm of the body, saving Sookie from the haul. "What happened?"

Unanswered. I was left to look over Pam's wound… a gruesome slash from one hip to the other… already healing… slowly…

"Eric, I'm sorry. Sookie tried to warn us. This is…"

"Feed first. Explain later."

I glanced over to Hadley, concerned that the queen's child might be 'too' injured… but she was well enough to be rising from her sprawl slowly.

And only a few moments later Pam gathered herself to start rising as soon as the body was drained. "Sookie?"

I gave her a nod, turning towards where I'd left her to find her… gone.

Leaving Pam and Hadley to go to the door, I peered out… she was standing in Sigebert's shadow, poking his chest.

Fuck.

"CALL YOUR QUEEN! I NEED TO TALK TO HER!"

I put my hands on her shoulders, optimistic that she would calm herself, wishing I could do it for her. Hoping she'd live long enough that I might ever have the chance.

"Can't."

"Yes, you can. Who put those donors in the car?"

"Not saying."

"Fine, _ASSHOLE_! When you get back to the queen, you let her know that someone put 2 'donors' with silver knives and nets in the back of the car _you_ delivered to her child. Good luck with explaining that Hadley and Pam were hurt in a kidnapping attempt that you slept through."

"Don't sleep."

She heaved out an exasperated groan that became a shriek. "Sigebert, if you aren't going to be any more help than this, leave!"

I pulled at her shoulders, turning her to face me. "Sookie, calm down and tell me what happened."

She started weeping again, taking a minute to gather herself. "We were early so I was helping them tidy up so that Gran could come see the apartment. They had just been let in when I came out of the laundry… They were spies from Arkansas. Hadley was supposed to be held as leverage until the queen reconsidered her withdrawal and then they could 'have' her."

"They managed to become part of the donor pool?"

"He left them during one of his visits… like leaving a toothbrush behind… He's got more."

"How many?"

"Three I think. One of the Louisiana vampires is helping."

"Who?"

She turned to sneer at Sigebert. "I have a name."

Bert grabbed her arm and yanked her away from me and I had to force myself to remember that 'mine' doesn't supersede treason. "Tell me."

"Why should I? It's not like you're doing anything in exchange?"

"Take you to Andre."

She started laughing as he jerked her to the car.

"Why laughing?"

"Because you giant jackass! All I want is to talk to the damn queen! By taking me to Andre, you're pretty much giving me what I want!"

He stopped moving mid-stride and flung her back towards me before he reached into his pocket to pull out a phone.

He mottled together 3 languages in the failed endeavor of confusing me… he'd basically reported that he couldn't control Sookie and then threw the phone to her.

"Andre?"

"Miss Stackhouse, am I to understand that you are refusing to cooperate?"

"Not at all. I think something might have been lost in translation… Andre, Waldo just helped get two Arkansas spies close enough to Hadley to hurt her."

"Waldo?"

"Based on the humans' thoughts, he's being a bit of a crybaby about Hadley's position on the totem."

"Their plan, as you know it?"

"To take Hadley hostage in the hopes that the queen will resume plans to marry Arkansas. Hadley nearly lost her arm. Pam was practically disemboweled."

"Were you injured?"

"No sir. I was thrown clear of the scuffle. They were armed with silver though."

"Hadley and Miss Ravenscroft are healing?"

"Yes, sir. They fed from the attackers."

"Is there anything else we need to be made aware of?"

"Yes, sir. I intend to visit you in a bit. There are more spies disguised as donors, Threadgill's pets. If you keep them all there, I can listen and find them… I have a suggestion and a request."

There was a pause. "Yes, Miss Stackhouse?"

"The suggestion is that you have your guards search the routes the donors are allowed to take for silver weapons. Cars, restrooms, common areas… I doubt these two were walking around armed."

"And your request?"

"Could it be possible to send someone to tend to this mess? Hadley and Pam aren't well enough."

"You're unharmed."

She giggled. "Yes, sir… but how good of a job do you think a queasy human can do?"

"Point taken."

"Andre, how is she?"

"The queen is indisposed at the moment. She is very closely bonded to Hadley."

"Awww. Should I send Pam and Hadley back with Sigebert so that they can feed… The faster Hadley heals…"

"Yes, Miss Stackhouse…. We'll see you soon."

She sauntered over to Sigebert with his phone held out to him… and when he snatched it from her hand, she kicked his shin.

Too cheeky for her own good.

I was ready to jump to her defense when he cracked a smile as he turned around. I had no idea what that meant… I'd never seen it before.

Sookie stood in the middle of Hadley's living room surveying the carnage… mild by my standards, but since Dawn had been strangled, she'd most likely never seen anything like this.

A female in a yellow party dress, dark hair and eyes staring at the ceiling blankly.

A male in a dress shirt and slacks, a red and black cliché with light hair… face down with the grip of a silver knife sticking out of his back… the pool of blood next to him was Pam's… he'd been the one she fed from.

As soon as Hadley and Pam took their leave, Sookie's bloody hands pressed to her forehead, staining her hair… her faked smile melted away.

Her eyes began to fill again, the smell of her tears barely reached me over the heaviness of the blood in the air… She dropped her arms suddenly, marching over to the male body and yanking the knife from his back… then to the female bending to snap the silver necklace away from her throat… and moved to gather the other knife and nets… tossing it all to the couch.

I watched numbly on my part… Pam's injury was improving quickly, but Sookie's back was still in pain…

"Sookie?"

Her eyes were swollen as she looked up at me. "Am I done?"

At a loss, I simply nodded. I couldn't imagine what she thought she needed to do… until she crashed into my chest… it was as though I felt her giving up…

Not resigning so much as… letting her guard down.

She was inconsolable, sobbing into my chest… I hated not knowing what to do for her, how to help her, why she was so distraught…

I would have done anything for a hint.

Really.

I had no hopes of tracking the race of emotions ripping through her… I was lost.

Hopeless…

Until finally… "I'm not sure if I want to know if it gets easier or not."

"It shouldn't bother you to be in the same room with them… You sleep next to me."

She managed to snort through her tears. "Yeah, but I didn't kill _you_."


	18. Chapter 18

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 18**

**Comforted**

I'm going to have to assume that she was in shock. I'd always presumed that being shocked and being _**in **_shock were at least somewhat related, but as we drove back to the house I realized that I was learning otherwise.

Shocked. Neighbor of surprised and awed. Halfway between astonished and upset…

_In shock_ felt differently. While I could claim to have been shocked, being _**in**_ shock was a new sensation to me…

'In shock' seems to somehow be an overwhelming culmination of the sum total. Equal parts of everything and nothing… and the echo of the chaos created by it all is _deafening_.

Sookie was in shock…

I was helpless to do anything for her…

I hated it…

When I first arrived at the apartment, it never would have occurred to me to ask. I assumed that the humans had been killed by Pam and Hadley. Sookie wouldn't have it in her. Not to kill a human. So I thought. I was stunned enough just to see Sookie pulling a body to Pam for her to feed from.

I'd needed to get Sookie's attention when we arrived at the house… not only unbuckling her seatbelt for her, but uncurling her legs enough to lift her out of the car.

I quietly took her in through the balcony to our room, and straight to the bathroom. I set her on the side of the tub and started the water for her, promising that I'd be back and never got any reply.

Refreshingly, Adele was not offering any surprises. She was exactly as I assumed I'd find her; pacing the floor of the kitchen, wringing her hands.

Jason stood behind her, doing a shitty job of consoling his grandmother as I quickly did what I could to end her worry…

The only peace she seemed to get was that she still has all three of her grandbabies and the promise to see Sookie as soon as she was clean.

I was immeasurably grateful that she didn't push for more information. Sugarcoating was never something I excelled at.

If I didn't know better, I'd say my heart sank when I returned to Sookie and found her precisely as she was when I left her.

Exactly.

She was still studying the same floor tile it seemed.

"Sookie?"

Unbudging.

There was no pressing urgency necessarily. It was only just past 11… naming the infiltrators in the queens donor collection might be accomplished in a drive by manner… As quickly as she's sorted through other information, Sookie could most likely be done in just a few minutes.

My anxiety was based on…

…I fucking hated seeing Sookie so… so lifeless.

I crouched in front of her and lifted her foot as I tried to _calmly_ untie her impossibly tight laces. They'd been soaked with blood and were now caked and trying my patience. My concern was getting the best of me. "Sookie, we're going to have to dispose of another outfit…"

Lifting her other foot. "…I'm not going to be happy if you find yourself without any of those shorts left…"

Still no response…

But she did help slightly by pulling her arms out of her top before I pulled it over her head. "...What store should I shop to replace them?"

Still nothing.

I held my hand out, guiding her to stand so that I could remove the last of her clothes.

Crestfallen.

Her usually exciting, inspiring body… undressing her, touching her, even lowering her into the water felt as though I was in mourning.

I hated it.

She didn't blink away the water as I washed her bloody handprints from her angelic face.

"Sookie, I need you to tell me what happened." I'd have settled for a retelling of her childhood illnesses.

Her attention was locked on the slow drip from the faucet. Maddening.

I hated it.

"You were hurt."

She stiffened slightly. At least it was a reaction. Anything was better than the nothing she was torturing me with.

"You said you were thrown… Pam threw you out of the way?"

Her throat clenched.

"You landed on your back and then Pam was attacked… I felt both."

Her eyes started to well up.

"What did you hear?"

She shook her head slightly.

"Sookie, please… I need to know what happened." Her voice. I needed to just hear her voice. Anything.

I don't beg.

_I don't ever fucking beg._ Not for anything. Not in centuries. But there I was, sitting on the tile floor next to the bathtub, bathing my 'pet' and begging for her to say something.

I stood, intending to bring Adele into my efforts and was given the smallest hope… Sookie was upset at the idea of my exit…

"I'm going to get Adele. She's worried and…"

"No."

Just hearing 'no' made me feel better somehow.

"Don't leave me."

I nodded, trying to decide on what to do next… she stared up at me, her eyes wide and full of uncertainty.

I hadn't been bluffing. In spite of wanting to stay near her, I'd have left her just long enough…

Knowing she wanted me close…

I found myself shedding my own bloodied clothes and the first voluntary movement she made since she wrapped her arms around me in Hadley's apartment was to move forward in the tub so that I could get behind her.

She laid back, her arms overlapping mine at her waist…

"Sookie, Andre will wait a while, but Adele is a nervous wreck. She was with me when…"

"Oh god… How bad?"

"The three of us were talking and I felt your fear. I wasn't sure what it could be at first. She could tell that I was… elsewhere. I went to get my phone and that's when I felt you both get wounded."

She sniffled, tightening her arms to mine. "They were thinking: How old is this one? Shit. I've never seen her before. She could be ancient. Fuck… How are we supposed to get the pet with her here too? Fuck… another one?"

"They thought you were a vampire too?" Guilt by association.

She nodded slowly. "That's how Pam was stabbed. The one lunged at me…"

"But she shoved you out of harm's way."

"He already had a net on them both when I got up… Landing knocked the wind out of me. Pam had killed the woman by then. The guy was thinking he could get them both and just drain Pam… he was calling someone when I snuck up on him."

"How long was it before I arrived?"

She sniffed again and ran her hand over my arm. "A minute. Maybe two. I just dragged the woman to Hadley like Pam told me to."

"You shouldn't have had to fight, Sookie. Sigebert…"

"He couldn't hear it… Hadley has a witch friend… her apartment is warded for privacy."

Oh, fuck. What's the point of having an armed escort if you're going to have a ward that keeps him from doing his job… "That stupid bitch."

Sookie began actively crying again. "I'm sorry, Eric. If I hadn't… Pam was hurt because…" No.

"Sookie, Pam was doing her job. You saw how quickly she healed. You wouldn't have walked away from that." I would have _had_ to turn her. Losing her wasn't an option.

She turned, curling up against me, no more comforted. "But if I had stayed out of the way, she could have gotten them both. Questioned them. Gotten something against that Arkansas asshole… Now they have nothing."

"Shhhh… that's what you are. Sookie, _you_ are proof. You heard their purpose. You heard that they were there to abduct the child of the queen to use as blackmail and drain a lieutenant. They attacked an asset of the state… You did a superb job of keeping that from happening."

"That's just my word though."

"It's an incredibly valuable word… Sookie, you need to understand something. Vampires are very rarely wronged in an appreciable manner. We are devious. We lie as an art form. When we decide that someone is an enemy, they seldom have the opportunity to form an offense because we act promptly. It's only been 2 nights since you informed the queen of Arkansas's plans. His pets were already in place with a countermeasure, prearranged in the case that she reconsiders her plan to marry him. That plot was unraveled by a pretty little bar maid from Nowhere, Louisiana in minutes and his backup plan was just as destroyed by the same sweet little thing… It had to have taken him months to put everything in place."

She sat up to turn with an angry look. "Oh that's just great! You're sleeping next to an anti-vampire!"

I started to laugh. I'd certainly gotten what I asked for… She was back from the void that she was hiding in. "I'm going to need Adele after all, aren't I?"

"This is the kind of shit that has made me an outcast my whole life and…. _and you're laughing_!?"

Insolent… fang-snuggling and vampire mercenary kicking… Cheeky. Beautiful. Mine. "Yes! I'm laughing. Sookie, look at things however you like, but while you are bellyaching about the loss of two fools who planned to abduct, abuse and destroy you, your cousin and my child, I am counting my blessings."

"Blessings?"

"You might think that you are a pain in the ass, and Sigebert most definitely considers you to be a pain in his shin, but every vampire in Louisiana is grateful for you tonight whether they know it or not. You have saved us all from a very bloody coup attempt. You are good luck. Pennies. Horseshoes. Shamrocks… Sookie Stackhouse."

"But in Arkansas, I'm an open umbrella indoors. A black cat in your path. A broken mirror."

"Fuck Arkansas. Peter Threadgill set into motion a plan that he knew, if unsuccessful, would cost him everything. At his age, he should know better."

"You're more sure of me than I am."

"As your master, I have to make sure you are confident enough to do your duty… and the flip is that I'll also be responsible for leashing your ego once you realize what you're fully capable of."

She snorted, leaning back to me again. "That's funny. Being encouraging… Keeping me levelheaded… That's kind of in a 'boyfriend's job description too."

I wrapped her up and brought us out of the water, turning the showerhead on. "So it is."

She pouted by playfully stomping her foot. "I don't want to go."

"Do you want the master or the boyfriend reason to get on with things?"

Her lip poked out… oh so temptingly… "I know the damn 'master' reason. I opened my big mouth and told the queen's lapdog to expect us."

I laughed away the urge to grab her lip between my teeth… and handed the body wash to her. "Fine. A boyfriend might gently remind you that your frightened grandmother is downstairs with no one but Jason to comfort her after seeing me covered in Pam's blood and hearing that you are catatonic."

She growled through a smile. "Remind me not to play chess with you. You had me both ways."

"No chess, huh? How about Twister?"

Mistake.

Sookie was back… so was her usually playful mood…

The way her eyes sparkled as she imagined… the way she bit her lip…

It hurt to ignore it.

Later. _Fun later._

Fuck.

Wybert was sitting across the table from Jason. All they needed was Bubba and they'd have one hell of a think tank. Pencil versus crayon: the great crossword conundrum.

Adele was still pacing the kitchen floor and moved in a sudden (not to mention surprising) burst of energy to swallow Sookie in a hug. "I was so worried!"

"I'm fine. Pam got the worst of it… I just needed a few minutes to settle down."

"Oh, God bless her! Eric, how is she?"

It was still astounding how well she understood our state of being. "She's weak. She's mostly healed though. She'll be back to being a brat by the time she rises tomorrow."

"So you're going to get her right? Bring her home? How about Hadley?"

"The queen may very well want to keep Hadley nearby, but if she stays I'll have her call you."

"Those poor things! I hate… I… I'm so…"

Sookie hugged her again. "It's ok, Gran. They're going to be fine. We shouldn't be gone long."

The poor woman nodded as she stepped back, letting us tend to business even though she just wanted everyone to stay close.

Wybert held the door to the limo open for us when we arrived at the queen's home.

Sookie was smiling at him, far more relaxed than she had been when dealing with his idiotic sibling earlier.

He practically growled, "You kicked my brodder."

Sookie's head tilted slightly, just before her foot hammered into his shin. "There. Now you won't feel neglected."

His fangs ran out, but the corners of his mouth betrayed him. He was just as amused by her as Sigebert. "Not smart."

"Maybe not, but your 800, give or take, and I managed to surprise you both."

"Yes."

"So shut up. It's been a long night." Especially considering that her day was spent in captivity.

He gave a deep nod. "Yes ma'am."

It took every bit of control I had…

Truly.

Pam would have opened herself up again laughing at the look on his face.

Andre was waiting just inside the 'grand' entry with a collection of guards.

"Miss Stackhouse, I'm to thank you for your diligence."

"Then I'll have to thank the queen for ordering you to be polite. How is she?"

He snarled and looked to me. "Is she always so tart?"

"Only when she's been bled on by family and forced to stab an attacker to death."

"Very well… She was quite right about the weapons. The guards found several nets and stakes."

She rolled her eyes. "Congratulations… Are the donors all in one place?"

"Yes. They're in the… _dining room_."

Sookie smirked at him. "Is there even a table in there?"

The bastard actually smiled at her wit. "No, but we call the pool a 'fondue pot'."

Her grip on my hand tightened as she laughed. "You should get a sauna and call it a rotisserie… Alright, let's get me to work. My grandmother is on pins and needles at home and isn't going to be happy until she sees for herself that Pam is ok."

He started leading the way, stunned (as was the growing trend when it came to the unique clan). "Your… your grandmother is worried for Miss Ravenscroft?"

She smiled at him innocently. "Of course she is. Gran is a nurturer. Loves to dote. I'll bet she's putting fresh sheets on Pam's bed as we speak. Life would be easier for her if Pam were human. She'd be baking. Hell, she's probably doing that anyway."

He stared with a raised eyebrow until he almost walked into an opening door.

The din of discontent behind the door to the 'dining room' fell to a complete hush as the bolts were opened. Andre had sealed the room.

The doors were barely cracked before I worried that there might be a problem. Dozens.

The donors and pets of every fucking vampire for miles had been collected into that one room.

Fuck.

Sookie visibly winced.

"Is there a problem, Miss Stackhouse?"

"This is all of them?" She doubted herself.

He nodded. "Every last one."

She took a deep breath and waltzed into the room like the queen herself. The world stopped as far as the inhabitants of the room were concerned. Most of the livestock had hopeful looks despite being herded and caged. Cattle. Cattle begging to be milked. It would have been depressing if their individual depravities weren't so essential to vampires.

Sookie's arm snaked around mine, freeing her hand to bring up her purse and seek out a cell phone. She smiled up at me and hit redial.

Andre and I immediately heard the vibration of a cell phone coming from the far corner.

"You can start with the platinum blonde in latex. That was the number the man was on the line with just after he attacked." She handed the spy's phone over to Andre.

He gave her an impressed nod and waved to a guard who quickly snatched the fangbanger to the hall. "And?"

Sookie looked up to narrow her eyes at me, no doubt because there were 3 'familiar faces' in the crowd. When she cleared her throat and turned back to Andre, the fucker chuckled in my direction.

She nodded towards a lounge chair. "The man in red mesh and blue jeans…. And the nude one in the pool… well, the nude one with fang marks tattooed on his butt."

Andre snapped his fingers and the guards quickly snatched them up to take them away. "Is that all of them?"

She closed her eyes in focus, her grip increasing. "The blond man on the couch… Shit."

"What?"

"Someone isn't here. The three in the hall are all worried about him. Black man, mid twenties. Jorge… and uh…"

"Miss Stackhouse, I'm not a patient man."

"Really? _You __**don't**__ say_." She reached back into her purse and pulled out a pen, then yanked his hand from his side to write, 'the guard who grabbed the mesh shirt'.

He gave her an almost apologetic nod when he realized that the vampire guard's hearing is what had given her pause. Dick. Diffident or not, he's still a rankling fuck. "Is that the end of our hit parade?"

"That depends. How do you feel about the… _Fellowship of the Sun_?"

"They have spies here?"

She nodded and pointed them out brazenly. "Leather corset and fish nets… Frizzy brunette with blue nails. A third one who works the switchboard… Jonah."

"I questioned my queen for paying you so well."

"Don't worry. I doubt _this_ will humble you."

He snapped, "PMS."

"Vitamins will help that…." I started laughing. I was given a '_frightening'_ glare by Andre while Sookie snickered at him. "…Even though I'm being a fly in your ointment, could I see my cousin briefly before we take Pam home to rest?"

He snorted at her as he led us out…

Just as Sookie treated him like she would any pompous prick…

…He proved her point by behaving like one.

He gave her another impressed nod when Sookie told him that the terrified captives knew of 'more' spies.

We were led through the 'confessional'… through the throne room… no waiting… directly into the queen's private apartment.

Pam and Hadley were lounging with the queen, quite pink and freshly bathed.

Sophie-Ann stood immediately, leaving Pam and Hadley behind to blaze a path directly to Sookie and take her hand… _and __**kiss it**_.

She kissed Sookie's hand.

The queen.

And if Andre could shit… he'd have shit butterflies as the queen thanked her.

Sookie took the act in better stride than I did.

She gave a little laugh. "Majesty, really… I didn't do anything…"

Sophie-Ann straightened slowly with a very serious look. "You thought quickly enough that Hadley and Pam were both able to feed right away. They would have..."

"…Been fine for the extra minute it took Eric to get there... Do you think you can arrange to have the rest of your humans waiting early tomorrow night? I'd like to make it back so that Gran can finally get that ghost walk in. We'd only have a couple of hours."

Sophie-Anne smiled at her. "I didn't have to ask."

"Why would you? Even if Arkansas wasn't proving to be a thorn in our collective derrières, it's my job."

She raised an eyebrow. "I have to ask Andre to be polite."

Sookie giggled. "Yeah, but it's against his nature to be charming."

Sophie-Ann laughed. "You're right about that. Is there anything else you need?"

"My Gran would sleep a lot better hearing from Hadley."

"Done. A car will be waiting for you at sunset."

Sookie smiled and walked over to hug Hadley… then held her hand out to Andre. "No hard feelings?"

He barely acknowledged her peace offering with a shake and it visibly pained him to do that much.

She giggled at him. "Seriously… Iron will help with the PMS… I hear Texans eat plenty of red meat… Maybe you should find one for dinner tomorrow night."

Pam waited until we were in the car before she lost her grip. She'd been trembling in her effort to not make matters worse by laughing.

"You are going to get yourself killed!"

"That's funny?"

"At the moment… absolutely!"

"You didn't think I was funny earlier."

Pam straightened. Stiffened might be the more accurate word. My interest piqued… "What's this? What did Sookie do earlier?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Sookie sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. "I embarrassed her _on accident_. She's mad because you ordered her not to do that to me so she couldn't get me back."

"Sookie, how did you ever manage to embarrass Pam? My Pam?" No fucking way. I'm calling the newspaper.

"Hot Chocolate has very helpful salesmen."

I couldn't have been more amused. "Sweet innocent Sookie, I need more details."

Pam snarled for me to 'drop it'. Not if my 'life' depended on it. Not after the way she's been needling me about my feelings for Sookie.

Sookie smirked. "The salesman offered a demonstration of some spinning… the damn contraption looked like a deranged toothbrush and I told him 'no thank you, I have a man."

"How did that embarrass Pam?"

"It didn't. He replied with 'so do I' and that he had one of his own… I felt sorry for him and gave him a hug…"

Pam cut her off. "She didn't just give him a damn hug! He cried and ran to the back room when she sympathized that it must be like needing to push start a new car to have a boyfriend and still need '_appliances'_!"

Sookie beamed watching me laugh… _so much fun_! I felt robbed that she was only born 25 years ago.

Pam was nonplussed until the very end of my outburst, very aware that I was still endlessly amused… not to mention proud. "Are you done?"

"I don't know. How was the rest of your trip?"

She bit her bottom lip… "A second salesperson tried to help by showing her another toy…"

Sookie scoffed. "Oh come on! That embarrassed you too? You're thin-skinned for a vampire!"

"You asked where the rest of it was, Sookie!"

They sniped back and forth… I chuckled, enjoying the show. How well they were getting along wasn't getting by me in the least. "It didn't seem _anatomically correct_!"

"The brand name was _ELEPHANT_!"

Sookie sorted. "Then no wonder they're endangered."

Pam hissed, "_Spoiled_."

"Probably." Sookie tilted her head, practically daring Pam to counter.

"You're not funny."

"I'm not a lot of things."

"You're going to do your best to get the last word, aren't you?"

"I bet I win."

"I have more practice."

"I have an ace in the hole."

"Oh really… What would that be?"

"Sunrise."

Pam locked up for a moment before raising her eyebrow and conceding with a nod.

She'd done it. Sookie had won the unwinnable. She had gotten Pamela to shut her mouth… without the use of glue, clamp, lock, harness or threat.

The two of them had sat quietly, smiling at each other for the rest of the ride.

Pam's only other words were to ask if we should stop at Hadley's to retrieve the car as we pulled up to our house. She would have driven it home, but was quite relieved to find out that we'd already taken care of it… While I could have gotten Sookie home much faster by flying, I was worried that she'd been too fragile for that bombshell at the time.

As I reached for the door knob to the house, it was yanked away. Adele had been waiting, watching, pacing… still.

Jason was standing just behind her, still offering a pretense of support. At least he hadn't given up knowing that he was useless. That much could be said for the feeble boy. I had truly expected to find him sprawled out on the couch, blissfully dreaming about hiding acorns.

Adele took Pam by surprise, thanking her for her part in Sookie and Hadley's safety as Sophie-Ann had recognized Sookie's contribution. The major difference being that Adele was surrounding Pam in a long, warm hug.

"I owe you so much for keeping my grandbabies safe. You have no idea! I'm so grateful for you. How are you? Are you alright? You look good. You fed?"

I might have enjoyed the serene feeling coming from Pam too much as she returned Adele's hug as though she was her own grandmother. "As it turns out, Sookie and I made quite a team. We had one another's backs… Adele, are you making bread pudding?"

"Don't laugh. You were Brittish. It's the only… it's the only thing I could think of. I can open windows if the smell…"

Pam smiled and kissed Adele's cheek. "Don't be silly. It smells phenomenal. You even made brandy sauce… It's a good thing Eric wasn't injured though. I don't even want to think about what horrid things those barbarians enjoyed. Honey cured ox ears or something of likewise repugnance." Already being a twat? Almost funny, but still shitty… especially since barbarians were well before my time and nowhere near my homeland.

Adele smiled. "I actually thought about that while I was keeping myself busy… I have a recipe for a pie… the whole house smells like warm molasses and figs when I make it. It might have done the job." It would have and I actually found myself curious about it.

She put her arm behind Pam's back and led us into the kitchen.

No sooner than Pam sat at the table (in the chair Jason pulled out for her), Tina jumped into her lap. Adele smiled and set out the desserts for the humans. "I think she missed you. She's been restless for a while now… Hadley already called. She sounded really good. She said that you guys are going back tomorrow night for a little bit and she'd come back with you so she could do the tour with us."

Jason. Confused. Let's all pretend to be surprised. "Y'all gonna be up for that though? I mean… y'all were stabbed."

I was surprised that Pam had the charity left to humor him. Her respect for Adele may very well have been as much her catalyst as it was mine. She smiled at him, leaning back to reveal her stomach and the pink remainder of her wound (and slight bulge from being quite well fed). "We were technically slashed… We were taken to the palace quickly and we fed from donors to help our healing."

"Donors? Holy shit! How many?"

She smirked at him. "Sweetie, they're still _alive_. Hadley needed more because she's so much younger, but it could be compared to giving blood to the Red Cross."

He half frowned in skepticism. "You give out orange juice and cookies?"

"The queen has a full staff that feeds them far better than that."

"What about at home? You like… glamour them?" It was ill timed, but his curiosity was refreshing considering his previous perch atop his suspicions.

"No. It's more than frowned on. Pathetic as they are, most of our customers arrive in the hopes of being lucky enough to get fed from for one psychiatric reason or another."

"Like groupies at a rock concert?" And when Weres and Shifters go public, I'm sure there will no shortage of sycophants lining up for 'doggie style'

She nodded. "Sadly."

He snorted. "So y'all just… like, wait for dinner to come to y'all?... Ain't that some shit. Everything I ever heard that wasn't in some movie has y'all lurking in back allies… draining bums and hookers."

"It happens, but usually as an act of desperation. Most of us are civilized to not eat from the garbage."

He nodded almost astutely. Even in his lack of wisdom, he seemed to grasp things more easily as he was reeducated about his prejudices.

Pondering Jason's conduct (of all things) reminded me of Bill's comment after his civil war prattling... 'Might not be completely human'.

Sookie's flavor… her ability… her tolerance… _oh fuck_.

Pam stared as I worked through the process of elimination…

Weres don't have abilities other than heightened senses… no.

Goblins and elves could be excluded based on Sookie's beauty alone… no.

A witch? Paulette might have mentioned feeling some absurd 'sister ship' to one of them… no.

Daemons have abilities, but even a distant relation would have an acidic burn to their blood… no.

But the Fae…

Those trouble making, devious, hypnotic, delectable creatures…

Fuck.

I doubted if the queen would even confirm it if she knew.

Would it even matter? Sookie would be the same with substantiation… I'd still love her… company.

I can't say that finding proof would change anything except perhaps… no. nothing.

The temptation, the allure of the Fae aside… Sookie doesn't taste like Fae… just extra human…

She doesn't smell like Fae… only of sunshine with hints of sugar…

It could be… It could _very well_ be that she is Fae, but I was attracted to her before I smelled her, tasted her, fucked her…

Before any of that, I was… refreshed by her.

Sookie, her family, having a distant Fae relation would make no more difference than their discovery that Pam had tricked me into taking a candle-making class in the 60s…

No difference.

She's still the Sookie I've come to… adore.

…_But fuck!_

It was after three when we all decided to make our way to get some unanimously needed rest. Jason joked from the bottom of the stairs that he was going to end up on 'vampire hours' by the time we were all back home.

Sookie was saying an affectionate goodnight to Adele when Pam went into her room… and then darted out again to interrupt the Stackhouse women by hugging Adele.

The only thing said was a shared 'thank you' before Pam disappeared into her room again without explanation… and Adele only grinned before she followed suit.

Sookie disappeared into the bathroom with a bag she'd retrieved from the car before our retreat…

My interest was pulled to the closed door while I undressed myself and climbed into bed…

Anxiously waiting.

When the door opened I felt as though I was being rewarded for something…

Sookie twisted her hair up, leaving her shoulders bare save for the tiny straps to her pale blue slip…

The same untainted heavenly blue of her eyes…

Sheer, iridescent and hugging her breasts perfectly and followed her curves and hips as a shimmering second skin…

She smiled, blushing when my fangs ran out and took a step to turn…

The back was obscenely, deliciously low… her perfectly matched panties; making me jealous, taunting me from her between…

If she hadn't started crossing the floor… crawling up my body from the end of the bed… I could have considered myself haunted.

She pressed the silky flesh of her cheek against me as she inched her way along… breathing, kissing, tickling… stopping with our lips so close that I could feel them ghost against my own.

"I'd ask if you like it, but…"

"I'm more than fond of it… Sookie, I might _actually_ dream about it." I would certainly fantasize about it… often.

I trailed my hands up to appreciate how perfectly her ass fit into them, pulling her down to me…

She smiled, taking my lip between her teeth… dragging them along before settling to me for a long, almost painful, kiss.

Nearly raw from the demanding evening… emotionally, physically…

Remembering the nearly perfect feeling… the _rightness_ I felt before my senses came to me to find that I'd been holding her down all day.

The recollection compelled me to glance at the clock despite how welcome Sookie's attentions were.

She took my chin, yanking my attention back to her. She whispered, "Eric, _stop_."

I let my eyes roll back as she did her best to sidetrack me… pressing herself into my cock… running her tongue over my throat… I was losing… "Sookie, I don't want to hurt you."

I quit fighting to keep my eyes focused and closed them when she hummed against my neck, she purred, "_With all the complaining I do, don't you think I'd say something?_"

"You couldn't move."

She lifted her face just enough to show me how serious she was. "Poor Sookie, caught in the avalanche of a man who wants to take care of such a pain."

"You're forgiving me?"

"_**Nothing**_ to forgive."

I tried. So help me, I opened my mouth to try… to say _something_, but she took the chance… flicking her tongue over my lip… moaning into my mouth… shifting her hips…

Convincing me to forget…

To let go…

The only grip I had on my control was resting in my fingers' twist in her panties that too easily pulled apart…

And the moment I felt her slick pulse take hold of my cock…

She won.

I rolled us over, tangling us together…

Urgent.

Deprived.

Greedy.

Oh so grateful…

And realizing that nothing had ever tasted so sweet.

I enjoyed the vibration as her breathing slowly returned to normal, particularly the scattered chuckle as her chest heaved against my side.

Her shivers slowly made way to her satisfied hum, restfully breathing as she drifted off.

I found myself trapped in my own right. Replaying every moment I'd spent with her in my mind and trying to pinpoint the moment I lost.

Searching for one reason, one moment to blame for why I would be so captivated…

My attempt only made me wonder further.

All I could gather is that, at the moment, I was comfortable being enthralled.

Enthralled in a seemingly level scenario.

And I tried… but couldn't find a way that I was suffering.

Feeling the pull of dawn, I dealt with my neglected lists.

_Paulette,_

_You most likely don't need me to tell you how pleased we all are with your services. Even Jason has mentioned how friendly you are. Thank you for that. Their enjoyment is very important to me and you have been a very big part of that. Adele wonders if she could fit you in her luggage. She assures me that with her cooking, she could 'put some meat on your bones' in no time._

_Other than replenishing Adele's stockpile of baking supplies, the only task I require is a jeweler. I need the store to be available either just before dawn tomorrow or just after dark the following night so that I might do my browsing on my own. In secret._

_My many thanks,_

_Eric_

_Bobby,_

_Your short list. _

_This shouldn't be too difficult for you. Try to keep up._

_I want a full page ad placed in the Entertainment section of the Shreveport Times. Re-cycle the add from the opening and tailor it to a 're-opening' for next Friday night. Have it run until Friday._

_Place the usual ad in the Employment section of the Shreveport Times for wait staff and bartenders. Applications will be taken on Thursday night. Have it run until Thursday._

_Contact your choice of television reporter and hire them to film a piece in front of Fangtasia:_

_Haley's Comet only appears once every 75 years. It took the Boston Red Sox 84 years to win the World Series. This week, a truly spectacular event has occurred in Louisiana. For the first time in more than three hundred years, Fangtasia's own, Pamela Winifred Dolores Ravenscroft was at a loss for words. The notorious blabbermouth with a penchant for exotic wigs and wearable hemp surrendered 'last word' tonight in a dramatic defeat. Miss Ravenscroft is co-owner of Fangtasia and typically enjoys entertaining curious club goers by eagerly answering the inquiries as a venue for her chatter. The management has formally invited anyone interested to interview the proud gossip who claims she will not fall to defeat again anytime soon. Miss Ravenscroft was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman for the local night club stated that she was too humiliated to issue an official statement. Good luck on regaining your title of 'Friendliest Vampire', Miss Ravenscroft. Shreveport is rooting for you._

_Give the reporter license to embellish. Email it to me when it's finished._

_E. Northman_

Sookie cleared her throat, slapping my side. "I doze off for just a minute and you're already being evil."

"This is what happens when I get bored."

"That name is horrible_._ At least get rid of that."

"_That name is horrible_ which is why she changed it to Pamela."

She cackled. "Oh. My. God. That's… Like her parents weren't brutal enough… you've been playing jokes on her for 300 years."

"Do you have a better idea? Perhaps I could just announce her engagement to… _Jason_?"

She giggled into my side. "That would be hilarious, but you should hold off."

"What am I waiting for?"

"When we get home we can go to Wal-Mart and register them… cheap scratchy towels, hunting gear… her house could be full of Jeff Foxworthy DVDs, camping toilets and Paula Dean cookware in a couple of days."

"You are _perfection_. Promise you'll help?"

"Only if you let me take a picture of you with the Wal-Mart greeter… _Smiling_."

That was a dispensation I could 'live' with even if she was thinking about using it as blackmail later on... I held my hand out to shake on our 'deal'.

She took my phone from me and deleted the 'news' before sending it to Bobby, reached across me to connect it to the charger…

Then Sookie rolled away from me, taking my other arm and wrapping herself in me… not unlike how we were when I rose…

"Sookie, as much as I…"

"I like it."

"How?"

Her warm breath fell over my arm as she yawned. "I couldn't feel safer."

"Trapped?"

She hummed, snuggling back closer to me. "Noooooo… _protected… sheltered… cherished_. You can buy crap all night long if you want to… as long as I get this… I'm happy."

"Truly?"

"Completely."

**Here's the rub ladies and gent…**

**I'm straying from FanFiction.**

**When some of my stories ended up on the side of the metaphorical milk carton, I started using Wordpress.**

**My WordPress site gets a bulk of my attention nowadays and gets much more frequent updates.**

**The next chapter to this story is already available… It's listed in the margin as BTD19…**

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**Or you could visit my profile to use the links there.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 19**

**Home Again**

Sunshine.

Sunshine, lemon and the garden.

My arms were around her when I opened my eyes. She was snuggled into my chest.

It didn't take any time at all to realize that she'd done it on purpose… She'd gotten back into bed, but made sure I'd know right away that she hadn't been there all day…

I buried my nose in her hair, taking her in. "You laid out today."

She hummed, putting her arm over my side. "For a long time. I fell asleep. Jason saved me from a sunburn."

"Did you not rest for a while this morning?"

"For a few hours, but Paulette is a broadcaster and Gran and her were chattering away. Once Jason was up too, I couldn't make myself sleep anymore… Paulette's wards for keeping folks off the property actually help block your neighbors though."

"I could have her ward this room specifically if you think it will help, but what is a 'broadcaster'?"

"Oh… uh, ok. Everyone is different. Gran thinks in words and pictures, like she's narrating a story. If she's thinking about a grocery list, she's imagining putting the items in the cart or lining up ingredients to make something. But the words she thinks have a bit of an echo to them. The echo is really normal."

"Ok." Her gift was so… for lack of a better word, mysterious; a curiosity that I couldn't have explained deeply enough.

"Jason, get ready to laugh… he doesn't think in words nearly as much as pictures… like a children's book."

She gave me a minute, snickering at my reaction to how fucking perfect it was that her dim brother thought in cartoons.

"So Paulette… her 'voice' doesn't echo. She's one of the few people that if I'm not paying attention, I might answer a question that she doesn't ask out loud. Really clear and not fragmented like… well people don't tend to think in complete sentences."

"So do the ways people think tell you anything about them? Like their personality or…"

"Yeah. Absolutely. Broadcasters are a bit of a pain for me socially because I have to watch myself, but… they think like that because it tends to be the case that they usually say what's on their mind anyway. _Really_ honest, as a rule." Paulette had always struck me as trustworthy. Getting the telepathic seal of approval made me want her in Shreveport all the more.

"What about Bobby? You told me what he thought, not how."

She giggled. "You know how a kid would grumble stuff under his breath for getting grounded or being told to clean his room… Every thought Bobby has is like that. Your day guy is a grumpy teenager in a suit." Lovely.

"Quinn is similar to Sam?"

"For the most part other than subject matter."

"Quinn wants to fuck you while Sam wants to settle down and have a litter of puppies with you."

She laughed and slapped my side. "Stop that. He's being a pain right now, but he's a really good guy." Good enough for the friend zone.

"Fine, but I reserve the right to match his vampire jokes and it's still open season on other shifters."

She rolled her eyes. "Thank you… I'm having a lot of fun with all the vampire brains too." Oh fuck.

"It's happened again?"

"No. Not really… I want to meet another young vampire like Hadley."

"Do you hear her?"

"It was a little creepy at first… it's a whisper. Like it's too fast or one on top of another… I can't understand it. I want to know if it's because we're blood or if it's her age." _Intriguing_.

"There are 2 vampires in Shreveport younger than a decade. I'll have them come in to the bar so that you can test your theory."

"Cool. Thanks. Now, are you ready for the real kicker?"

"I don't know."

Sookie's look became more serious, making me wish I'd just said no. "I think… I think the queen has a telepathic connection to her children."

"Why? What would make you think that?" I couldn't decide how to feel about her theory.

"A hum. Like a low drone. It isn't constant, but… I heard it coming from Hadley while she was hurt. The Berts and Andre… It was coming from Andre last night between the dining room and Sophie-Ann's apartment… Then she didn't ask how the search for spies went. And… Sigebert was humming when I tried to get him to call her for me. I think she can communicate with them. I'm really freaking fascinated by it and I want to ask her about it, but I don't know if it'll go well."

"That _is_ fascinating... have you not heard it between Pam and I?"

She shook her head. "Are you thinking it could be something else?"

"The night you met the queen, I 'called' Pam from the queen's apartment to bring Jason to you."

"Called her? What's that?"

"A maker can 'call' a child and vice versa. It's a part of their bond."

Her eyes lit up. "Oooooh, can y'all do it so I can see?"

I nodded. "When she rises. If I do it when she isn't expecting it, it'll scare her."

She smiled, and felt excited at the idea. "If she can communicate with her children mentally, then it might explain why she's willing to pay me so well. If she's been sitting on a half power for a thousand years, then she's probably imagined the possibilities of being able to read other minds a few times."

"You're right about that. The night I met you I started imagining all the practical applications for hiring you."

"But you offered to help me before you knew it could pay off for you… why?"

"Because you didn't want me to fuck you, bite you, abuse you. You didn't want a loan or a job. You had the mettle to walk into a vampire bar looking like a virgin sacrifice in that pretty little white dress of yours knowing that you may very well get nothing but unwanted advances. You looked directly into my eyes and told me that you thought it was probably a lost cause, but weren't going to give up without trying. I see wretched, polluted, vulgar, feeble and naive people parade themselves in front of me nightly as though they are the cream… You stood out." I hadn't even needed to think about it.

"Like a sore thumb."

"Like… an oasis… _Refreshing_." _To say the least._

"And now?"

"Now… I consider myself lucky as far as bastards go. Bill being a horrible escort for you seems to have been a good thing for both of us."

"Because Bill would have turned me?"

"Probably not. His plan to turn you was probably motivated by my participation. He most likely would have seduced you or bonded to you and you wouldn't have known it to be because he wanted your ability at his disposal. On my end… had he gotten his way, in the near future I would have been dealt the enormous cluster fuck of my queen's murder which would have put my existence…

"Life. You might not breathe, but you live. If I can't call telepathy a disability, then you have to stop implying it about yourself too."

I smiled at her pluck. "Understood... Sheriffs don't usually withstand a coup. They either fall in defense of their monarch or run like cowards." A pang of fear rocked her before she had the chance to hide it… The very idea of something happening to me _hurt_ her…

"So Bill being a knob put me in a position to be an employee of the queen, not a slave... discover the coup plans before the marriage happened… get you a little more trust from the queen because you didn't hide me from her _and_ save you from being '_downsized'_."

I nodded. The most enjoyable aspect being that I get to rise with her more often than not. _For now._

She smiled and leaned over to place a sweet kiss on my lips. "We should _thank_ him."

"Don't worry. He'll learn how much he's _appreciated_ soon enough."

She giggled. "I'm starting to worry. Considering what you do to Pam, and you actually love her, I'm not sure if I can handle how you'd 'thank' Bill." _Fuck. That __**word**__ again._

"What makes you think I love Pam?"

"I don't know what you call it… Whatever it is that would keep you two together all this time… I'm sure it's not something you can define for _me_, the maker/child thing, but it's all I can compare to." At least Sookie wasn't throwing the word at me just to annoy me...

"Well then, let me assure you that what Bill will endure at my hands will be excruciating."

"I thought you said you weren't going to hurt him."

I smiled at her. "I understand that humans have anxious dreams about being humiliated in public… such as arriving for a speaking engagement '_in the buff'_."

"_YOU WOULDN'T!"_

"No, of course not. Health code won't allow it, but when he sees what he's wearing, he'll offer to bartend nude."

"Oh my God! You _ARE_ a bastard!"

"Thank you."

"How long will you be mean to him?"

"Until his maker arrives to fetch him. I'll only have him for two nights."

"And he'll have a night to recover from Andre's hospitality?"

I nodded. "Speaking of Andre…"

She growled as she rolled away and 'thanked me' for reminding her.

I was still laughing when she untied her bikini top and flung it at me from her bratty trudge to the bathroom.

When I entered the bathroom behind her, she was already under the water.

Her new coloring had gone unnoticed in the darkness of our room, but under the stark lighting in the bathroom her skin was darker and her hair was lighter…

I stood back, watching the water fall over her back in sheets as she pushed the water through her hair…

"Aren't you getting in?"

"It's not in our best interest."

She giggled, bending over further than she needed to for the shampoo. "If you say so."

Her desire was chiseling away at my resolve more than my own as I watched the suds slide down her body.

I wanted more than anything to get into the shower with her.

…To have her supple body pressed against mine…

…To to hear her sweet voice echo back from the glass and tile…

…To taste the sunlight on her skin before it was lost to her body wash…

…To feel her breathing, her heart as it was my own…

…To lose ourselves in the dazed unconsciousness of feeding from each other…

But instead, I watched her…

And damned myself for having the willpower to stay where I was.

I was in pain by the time she stepped out, leaving the water on for me and smiling innocently. "Later though, right?"

I growled at her, baring my fangs.

She grabbed a towel and giggled her way into the bedroom. "_You don't scare me_."

I shook my head as I stepped under the water. "Why not?"

"Because I plan to stay on your good side."

Staying on it wouldn't be much of a problem… only _seeing_ my good side… that might be more of a pipe dream.

After the loneliest shower of my 'life', I found Sookie standing at the mirror applying her makeup. She dressed herself tonight without standing at the closet, unsure of what to wear. She'd chosen a pink and white button down dress. It was pale enough to accentuate her deeper tan.

Pam came to the door while I was dressing and Sookie invited her in.

She smiled at Sookie. "That one is perfect. The light colors show off that tan I'd kill for."

Sookie grinned back. "You should get a spray tan."

"Spray?"

"Yeah. You stand in a booth and these little jets spray you with a dye that lasts a week or so. Lots of spas offer it now."

Pam's eyes lit up. "Would it look natural though?"

"Jason had a girlfriend that had the money for it… It looked really good."

"I might just try that… What do we have planned tonight?"

I smiled to myself and sent a gentle 'call' for Pam… Earning a confused look from her. Sookie had continued to apply her makeup. Unfazed.

"Sookie?"

"Yes?"

"No hum?"

"Oh, did you do it already?" Shit.

"Yes. Just now."

Pam started shaking her head. "What are we talking about?" The fact that Sookie's ability has exposed the queen's gift.

"Sookie believes that Sophie-Ann might have a telepathic connection to her children."

"Nooooo! How?"

Sookie grinned, feeling quite sure of herself. "I get an intermittent humming from them… last night when Hadley was hurt… and Sigebert… Andre sort of helped me put it together. He didn't 'say' anything to the queen about the spies we found and she didn't ask. Eric wanted to make sure that I wasn't just picking up a call."

Pam jerked her head to face me. "More."

"More? You're standing right here."

"Don't bend me in half or anything, but… Just try."

I stared at her, waiting for her to reconsider. I should have known better. I was given a stomp and an impatient shake of her head. Brat…

I started gently, letting it build, pulling and watching her reaction. Her posture deteriorated as she lowered to her knees and held her arm up to keep Sookie from helping her.

"Stop! I'm not hearing anything."

I let go of the 'embrace' as it used to be called and finished dressing while Sookie fussed over Pam.

"What does that feel like?"

Pam shrugged. "On the lower 'settings' it's something of a nagging. The more he puts into it though, it's dizzying and weakening. He could cripple me."

"Why would you need more than the nagging though?" Punishment.

"He's only ever used a stronger call to teach me to feed. Young vampires can't control themselves when they're hungry…"

I finished, "…And they're always hungry."

Sookie gasped. "That's why you want Hadley to fill up on true bloods before she goes to rest? So she doesn't…" _So she doesn't drain you or Adele as soon as she rises?_

I nodded without turning around. "It's a circumstance that she is quite aware of. She might have balked at the provision otherwise."

"But Hadley wouldn't…"

"She could. She would. She'd also hate herself for it as soon as her senses come to her."

"Would Gran be safe? When Hadley visits?"

"Yes."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because either Pam or I will stay as well. We rise earlier because of our age and are much stronger than she is. She'll be given true bloods just before dawn and taken 'out to dinner' every evening."

"Oh my god! That's such a pain… Gran wouldn't have invited her if she knew…"

"I'm aware. That's why I haven't mentioned it to Adele… Nor do I plan to."

"But Eric, Gran would…"

"Adele doesn't need to know that her granddaughter is, and will continue to be an unwilling threat to her."

Pam agreed with a nod. "Sookie, our being present can be chalked up to the Queen simply wanting Hadley to be protected. It's too unique that Adele is so accepting of vampirism. It would be a crime to frighten the woman. Let her be happy that she has Hadley back. We'll take care of the rest."

Sookie quietly nodded. Confusion was at the forefront of her emotions, but it seemed that she was trying to get ahold of how she felt about the new information.

I excused Pam with a nod.

"Sookie?"

"Hadley needs to be babysat?"

"For a while, yes."

"For how long?"

"Most probably another decade. The instinct to feed is too strong."

"Why are you willing to… It's going to be such a pain and you won't get anything out of it… You'll miss work… and…"

"Hadley's visits will make her happy. The queen will appreciate that I am supervising her because if Hadley drains her grandmother it would most likely destroy her."

"Bullshit."

I sat next to her on the bed. "Excuse me?"

"That's not the real reason." Still unable to get a grasp on her feelings, she resorted to being thorny. I was starting to realize that it was a pattern now that I could feel her emotions.

"Things are very different now... but I can't think of many vampires who wouldn't envy the ability of returning to their family… The old saying 'you can't go home again' means something very different to vampires."

"What about you?"

"I'm including myself."

"You had a family?"

I nodded.

"You didn't want it?"

"No. I didn't even see it coming… Going home was all I thought about for years."

"What about Pam?"

"She went through phases… Did you learn what the hug in the hall this morning was about?" It was a desperate grab for a change of subject.

She smiled, her mood lifting instantly. "Gran went into the garden and made a fresh arrangement for Pam's dresser and ran a bath for her… she floated some flowers. Fresh bedding and everything… She left her a note. I couldn't get the whole thing out of her head, but she called Pam a godsend… Did you ask because you really want to know or because you aren't comfortable talking about before you were a vampire?"

"Both."

She smiled at the floor. "K… You could have just said so though."

"Point taken."

"I don't want it… I was starting to think that it wasn't so bad, but if I couldn't be around my family… it'd kill me." Figuratively speaking of course since she'd already be dead.

"I understand that."

"I'm really kind of scared too… I mean… if the queen wasn't… I can tell you that my telepathy has gotten stronger since I first had vampire blood… I might just go bat shit if I couldn't be around anyone."

"Adele had already mentioned it. I wouldn't want that for you… But honestly, I was worried last night. Before I knew that you were unharmed, I'd rather you were a vampire than gone completely."

"Are you saying you thought about turning me?" Uh oh. The only reason that I wasn't alarmed was that she didn't seem as angry as she was curious.

"In passing."

"When did you start thinking about turning me?" Within minutes of meeting her.

"Early on, but I found myself wanting something other than a maker/child relationship with you."

"But you would turn me instead of letting me die."

I nodded. "I would turn you instead of losing you."

"Even if I hated you for it?" Most children _do_ hate their makers for a spell… since they aren't given a choice.

"I'd be willing to risk it."

"Why?"

"Because I'd rather have you hate me than tend to your grave forever."

"You met me 10 nights ago."

"I'm not sure how that matters. It doesn't have to be rational. Sookie, how would you feel if I were ended? If someone were to manage to take my head off…"

There was no need to finish describing my hypothetical final death, no need to wait for her to say anything. As quickly as her chin began to quiver and tears to fall, I was overwhelmed with grief and pain… More powerful than I'd ever felt anything.

I tried to smile reassuringly as I thumbed away her tears. "The idea of seeing something happen to you isn't any more painless for me, let alone easy to understand… _and we've yet to bond_."

"Bonding would do what?"

"You'd sense my feelings. We'd be able to call each other as such… It would intensify what we already feel for each other…"

"If I wanted to, would you turn me now?"

"At the moment, no. You've already stated that you don't want it."

"So you only thought about it last night because you were scared that I could be too hurt for you to heal me."

I nodded.

"And that's where we are at the moment? You wouldn't turn me unless there wasn't another option."

"At the moment, yes."

"But you'd like to eventually. Honestly. Don't rebound like you did the last time I was asking by throwing the marriage red herring out there."

"Yes. Right now, I would be very pleased if you change your mind eventually."

The crease between her eyebrows appeared as her focus went from me to her shoes. She was awash with worry and fear and love and angst.

She finally stood, taking a deep breath that seemed to calm us both and commenced to fixing her makeup.

"Are you ready to leave?"

"Yes… Sookie, say something."

"Would you promise to never turn me… no matter what?" The concept disturbed me… now, I could consider myself _haunted_.

"I could say the words, but I couldn't guarantee that I'd be able to follow through."

She turned around, folding her arms. "Thanks, I guess." Confused, sarcastic…

"For what?"

"Telling me the truth… You could have just told me what I wanted to hear."

"I don't know what you want to hear."

She walked over slowly to stand between my knees, her hands rested on my shoulders, mine went to her hips. "You know I'm really confused." I could feel it as easily as I could feel the silk of her dress under my hands.

I nodded as her eyes bore into mine.

"You didn't want to discuss it."

"I was concerned that you'd assume I would insist."

"It's not what I want right now. I need some time… I might not reconsider though."

"I can wait… but Sookie…"

She interrupted me with a kiss. Just a kiss. Its sole purpose was to keep me from asking. "I'm not signing a DNR though."

"So if there is an emergency…?"

She nodded slowly. "For lack of any other options… I wouldn't want to put Gran through that."

"Is this partly because you understand that you could be in danger now that you are officially a supernatural telepath in the employ of a vampire queen?"

She smiled sweetly. "Mostly because I trust you."


	20. Chapter 20

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 20**

**Let It Be**

She... She agreed?

Sookie agreed to being turned. Granted, her only reason at the moment was that she wouldn't want Adele to suffer interring yet another of her loved ones, but it was a leap in the direction of having Sookie forever.

But I had more than a few questions. For instance, she mentioned that she was starting to think about it on her own... That 'it' might not be 'so bad'...

'It' has a tendency to not only be that bad, but tedious... Until a few nights ago when she graced my existence with her fun, her laughter… and all the life that came with it.

…The idea _had_ been dancing around in that pretty little head of hers... She'd been questioning the concept of existing as a vampire.

She'd been entertaining forever as a possibility.

More questions though... Had she started thinking about being made a vampire because of Compton's plotting or was she considering being mine, my child?

I can't say that it mattered.

My overwhelming urge to celebrate the small victory made me question more than _her_ reasons...

I hadn't given Pam the choice. I hadn't even introduced myself to her. The technicality of it was that the first time she laid eyes on me was the night she first rose as a vampire... So why the fuck did it matter to me if Sookie wanted to be made or not?

Pam has always been defiant and unorthodox. Had I asked, given her the option, the impertinent little wretch probably would have tried to stake me, but after she'd calmed down (her first meal was the only reason for any sensibility) she became excited at the idea of the freedoms vampirism offers... Especially given the pedestrian social constraints of her life at the time. Her father had arranged a marriage for her that she was in the process of rebelling against when I first noticed her.

The simplest of things made her more than happy to be free of her life. Specifically that she wouldn't be living in the quiet (dull) Lake District any longer... Even dying for the day was (in her eyes) a fair trade for nightlife and moving to a city with possibility as her only possession.

When it came to the topic of Sookie though, she'd be sacrificing more than a few things to become a vampire…

…Tanning, Adele's cooking… possibly the little bit of mental peace she gets. If Vampirism heightens her telepathy, she may only be happy as a hermit… as social as she seems to be… I couldn't imagine what the adjustment would do to her.

Even if she were to grow to want vampirism outside of its current designation as her 'back up plan', life support, if you will…

Making her would cost me her warmth, her scent, her taste…

While turning her tonight, every night since I first laid eyes on her for that matter, was tickling at my consciousness… I'd be lying to say that I wanted it _now_.

If I'm right, if she is Fae in some part, she could easily hold onto her youth, especially with my blood… I might be able to selfishly hold off for a couple of decades before wanting to push the topic…

Certainly by then, we would have had to lay Adele to rest… _by then_ her decision would be based on a forever with me as opposed to not wanting to upset her grandmother.

I'd come full circle.

This wasn't a situation that I could have prepared myself for. This tiny thing, snuggled up to my side, on the way to _further_ secure the safety of the queen had turned me inside out.

"You aren't upset with me are you? Because I don't know…"

"Of course not. It's a big decision. I wouldn't want you to regret it."

"Does that happen a lot?"

"I couldn't say. I don't care enough to ask."

"Then why do you care if I regret it?"

"That would be a question I've been trying to answer for a while now."

"You don't usually care, so why do you care about me?"

"Generally speaking, yes."

"You don't have to, you know."

"Have to what?"

"You don't have to answer it. Sometimes things _just are_. Sometimes stuff happens that just can't get explained. If you think about it, we're both freaks. I know it might not seem like a long time to you, but I've been trying to figure out why I can read minds for my whole life. Even if I found out _why_ I can read minds while my brother can barely access his own, it wouldn't change that it _just is_. You were human once, and then you woke up one night and you weren't anymore. You can wonder about the 'how' all you want, but it _just is_."

"Is it really that simple?"

"No. It's just what Gran told me when I talked to her about you. It made enough sense that I keep repeating it to myself so I don't get an ulcer."

"Adele is an astute woman. Perhaps we should listen to her."

She sighed, "I usually do."

"What were you talking to her about?"

"I couldn't figure out why I was so pissed about going back to Bon Temps."

"So she told you 'it just is'?"

"No. First, she tried to tell me that it was because I want to stay in Shreveport so she can keep using you for your library."

I had to laugh. "She's priceless!"

"You don't have to tell me that… then she told me the other."

"And then you calmed down."

"No. Then I gave her a look that got me popped so she told me to stop being a turd and if I _**had**_ to have a reason, it was because I had already settled on the idea of being alone because of what I am… That I'd closed myself off so that it wouldn't get to me so I was having a hard time accepting that we're good together."

…_And it took the insight of a woman one thirteenth of my age and experience to break the surface tension on some of my own speculation. It all translated too easily to my own circumstances._ I had to question if she might have had the double meaning in mind all along.

"And?"

"And then she told me that if I push you away by being pig-headed I'd get the belt."

I started laughing again. "I was asking how you felt about her point of view."

"That she's a pain in my butt."

"Really."

"I hate how easy it is for her to figure it all out."

"No you don't. You wouldn't go to her if you didn't truly appreciate it."

"You're just saying that because you're trying to think of what to buy her." _That wasn't the point._

I chuckled at her. "So?"

She smiled up at me. "She hit the damn nail on the head. Happy now?" More than she realized.

"I think the more appropriate adage would be 'killing two birds with one stone'."

"Really?"

I nodded. "She got us both without trying."

When we walked through the door we were greeted by Andre and the Berts.

Andre snarled at Sookie the moment he laid eyes on her. "You're not funny."

She started laughing. "Oh lord! Are you afraid that your face will crack if you smile?"

I didn't have to ask. Andre immediately tossed a gift box to me… I eyed Sookie as I opened it… the little box contained a pill bottle and a note…

"Crescent City Steakhouse  
1001 North Broad Street  
This should fix you up.  
-Sookie"

The Berts were pleased in their own rights, so I didn't bother to hide how damn funny it was to me either. "Sookie? Pamprin PMS?"

She beamed up at me. "The pharmacy was out of Pamprin Max. He might need to double up."

The Berts turned around, trying to hide their laughing as Andre's face only contorted more… "Sookie, apologize."

She pouted her lip out and turned to Andre. "I'm sorry. Since you obviously have no sense of humor, I won't ever try to make you laugh again." That wasn't what I had in mind.

"Fine… " He looked at me. "…The queen sends her apologies. We've had an interesting evening already. She asks a favor of you. In the interest of time, would it be acceptable to offer the Berts as Sookie's escort for her task while we discuss yours?"

I looked to Sookie.

She shrugged. "I can give it a try..." She let go of my hand and reached out for the Berts'.

With a firm grasp on them both, her eyes closed for a moment.

She finally opened them with a slight grin. "It's not as good, but it'll work if you're okay with it."

I can't say that I wasn't surprised. 1600 years of vampire should be more than enough to help her focus… unless it was having my blood that made the difference.

I gave her a nod and they started on their way.

Andre only let them get about 50 feet away before he opened his surly mouth to start his explanation of my task.

I held up a finger. "If this is confidential, you're premature. She's had my blood in quantity. She'll hear you."

"That would explain how she was conscious of the need to write down the information regarding the vampire conspirator."

"It would."

"How was your evening after you left? I assume you've been with a few of the donors." Prick. He was actually hoping that the discovery would have caused some friction between Sookie and I.

"3. She didn't say anything. She knows better." I was implying that she knew better than to challenge me, but that she'd know better than to feel threatened by fangbangers was my actual meaning.

Sookie looked over her shoulder. "It was 4 and yes sir, I do."

Andre offered an impressed nod. "She heels nicely for such a new pet."

"_Very_ well."

"How do you handle discipline?"

I almost laughed at the idea. "A belt." Even if she heard the answer from around the corner they'd just turned she'd know I was only joking. And sure enough, I felt her amusement.

Andre nodded and a few seconds later raised his eyebrows impatiently.

I tested her hearing by quietly saying her name and she replied with a 'yes master?'. "Perhaps somewhere more secure then?"

He gave me an annoyed look before he turned and started leading me down the hall.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, he punched the stop button. "The queen is _not_ happy." His tone seemed accusatory.

"About?"

"Waldo. He came to the palace last night to comfort the queen having felt her mood. He was very surprised to see Hadley so well."

"And where do I come in?"

"The queen can't bring herself to… She knows it needs to be done… She doesn't want it to be one of us. Because your child and pet would have been collateral damage, you're within your rights."

"I'm being asked to end one of her children?"

"She trusts you to do it quickly to spare _her_. She's prepared to offer you 'anything' in return."

"You've gotten information from him?"

"He's admitted his part."

"His association with Arkansas?"

"No, but the queen can't tolerate the methods we'd need to use… She's confident that Sookie will be able to make up for what we can't get from him."

"To be clear, I'm being asked, not ordered, to end Waldo and be free from repercussions?"

He nodded. "Name your price."

"Lead the way."

He nodded again and pressed the button to start the elevator again. "Your price?"

"To be named later." Allowing me to end Waldo myself was favor enough, but they didn't need to know that…

He remained quiet for a moment and finally broke his gaze on the door. "Acceptable." Showing his cards…

It was something I'd most likely dismissed dozens, if not hundreds, of times over the years as deliberation or reflection, but knowing Sookie's suspicions… he showed his hand in regards to his vacant stare… a 'blank check' favor wasn't something he'd give without Sophie-Ann's consent… A situation has to be dire for any vampire to agree to a payment of such ambiguity.

Sookie had done it again…

She'd impressed me.

Two levels down and a maze of hallways later, a ridiculous set of stone doors were pushed open for us by 2 of the six armed guards…

Concrete walls, dimly lit, the sound of water dripping along with occasional whimpers and moans...

"A dungeon? Seriously Andre, could you be _more_ cliché?"

"It provides a certain ambiance. Don't you think?"

"All it does is prove that you're uninspired."

He scoffed. "Pray tell, what do you use?"

"It all depends on what I need… a dental office, a dry cleaner, a day spa… various construction sites. They all have something special to offer... What's come of the planted donors?"

"The last 3 are waiting for an unfortunate car accident. Most of them were kept uninformed as to the plot, only knowing their parts."

At the end of another amusingly dank hall there was an inspired wall of silver fencing… chicken wire. As a pair of daemons opened the gate for us, I actually asked about the manufacturer.

I removed my shirt and borrowed a sword from one of the guards, somehow, over the scent of blood and human waste, another aroma reached me… Something fruity…

I started laughing. "Andre, do I smell bananas?"

He nodded with an eerie smile. "They arrived for Compton the night he did. I've been taking advantage of them."

How fucking perfect.

Knowing Andre, knowing what he was best at… Bill had most likely only been fed cold, spoiled blood (most likely from an animal)… and then forced to eat bananas… the violent retching and pains from eating food would be more than enough torture. I know. I'd done it… And that's only taking into account how Bill would react to them being put into _his mouth_.

The large open area that contained Waldo, just so happened to contain… my little 'friend'…

While Waldo's albino ass was humanely restrained with leather to buffer his skin from the silver chains….

Bill wasn't quite as lucky.

The knob was dangling from the ceiling nude, only supported by the single silver lanyard around his neck. The front of his body was stained with his own bloody 'vomit' and small chunks of banana…

Waldo had a moment of panic, but his concern diminished when he realized that Bill started kicking and grasping at his noose in a sad little attempt to free himself.

I suppose that this is what humans mean when they mention a 'Christmas in July' feeling…

"Hello Bill. Nice to see you." Considering how hard I was with the temptation of a 'two for one', it was a colossal understatement.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just saying 'hi'."

"You aren't… it's not your turn!"

I looked back at Andre, laughing. "Do you have a bat? He's just hanging there like a piñata. If I hit him, I bet bananas will fall out."

Andre smiled and nodded to the far wall where there was an iron rod. "No less than 5."

I rested the sword against the wall to grab the club. "If I keep my eyes closed, will you swing him around to make it more fun?"

"Only if I get a turn."

I gave him a nod and if I didn't know better, he was excited as he started taking off his own shirt… and Bill started kicking so fiercely that he was close to taking his own head off.

I only missed once out of the ten swings I took. Not a bad batting average…

Andre was having more fun than I had, occasionally holding the rod out so that Bill's velocity could do the work of skewering Bill for him…

While Waldo was preoccupied with Bill's misfortune, and Andre was winding up for his last swing, I took the opportunity…

When we entered the room together, Waldo spent a moment believing that we were there for him, but when our attention turned to Bill he relaxed.

Feeling a reprieve from what he thought was a pass as I had fun test driving my new toy, Waldo never saw it coming.

Neither did Andre.

When he suddenly looked over to see the disintegrating remains of his 'brother', Andre might have actually seemed grateful.

On his way over, he kicked a couple of 'ejected' bananas out of his path. "The queen will be grateful, I am sure. She's feeling quite relieved that he didn't suffer."

"She's the only reason he didn't. If Pam had betrayed me in the same way, I'd have endured the pain to do the job myself. Has she decided when to marry?"

He nodded, not taking his eyes from Waldo's remains. "Next month."

"Then her king will have to make sure her generosity is closely guarded." Anyone to learn of that Achilles heel could use it against her.

"It seems _he'll_ have an ally on that front."

I nodded, knowing that her softness for her children _**does**_ make her weak… putting us all in jeopardy even if it is her only vulnerability. "Whatever service I can provide."

Bill grunted and snarled, getting our attention finally. He'd gotten past his pain enough to bare his fangs… Angry enough to be hard. Stupid enough to be burning his hands on the silver rope around his neck.

He choked out, "You'll pay for this. I'll tell Sookie what you did."

I laughed at him. "That I beat the bananas out of you or that I ended the vampire responsible for nearly killing her friends?"

"Both."

"It'll be old news by the time you get to her, but feel free to snivel."

I walked over to him, picking up one of his bananas on the way.

"She isn't as blind as you believe her to be."

"She doesn't know what you're really like. She'd never be with you."

"As opposed to being with you? The vampire that planned to turn her against her will?"

"I still could."

I was about to run the sword through him, when Andre took it from my hand and interrupted. "If you were to do that, she'd be free of you when she first rises. Sookie Stackhouse has the formal protection of the queen. She officially belongs to Northman. If any vampire turns her without his consent, they will be subject to final punishment."

"Formal?..." That was all he managed to get out of his gaping mouth before I shoved the banana in…

…And walked out.

When Andre and I came out of the elevator, Sookie was waiting on a bench with Hadley between the Berts. Her inquisitive grin quickly diminished as I got closer. Perhaps she smelled the blood that had gotten on my pants during batting practice.

The ride back to the house was a quiet one. I could feel the swell of curiosity building for Sookie, but she still wrapped herself around my arm in spite of her uncertainty. Her eyes remained focused on the dark speckles on the leg of my pants.

Hadley seemed just as focused, only her gaze was locked on the crystal tumblers rattling in the bar. Her solemn mood was no doubt caused by her maker's bereavement.

My mouth remained closed, the lack of conversation allowed me to hide that I was still incensed enough with Compton's threat that my fangs were down…

As soon as we walked through the door, Sookie leaned into the kitchen to announce that we were going to change, and that we'd be down soon…

No sooner than the door was closed... "That's Bill's blood. Is he dead?"

"No more than he was the last time you saw him."

She nodded and paused a moment before she reached up and pressed her lips against mine… her body followed suit, leaning against me.

When her mouth left mine to tease down my neck as she unbuttoned my shirt, I had to ask… "Not that I'm complaining…?"

"If you remember, _you_ were the one to put _me_ off earlier… Now, I'm taking advantage of how spun up you are."

Once my shirt was out of her way, she started dragging her teeth over my chest, opening my belt… pushing my pants down. "We need to talk."

"Can't we do that while we're getting dressed?"

I thought about our time limits… I thought about them for all of 3 seconds before her hand slid down my cock and gave a squeeze that made me come undone…

Her attention only left me for a moment to eye the shreds of her dress lying on the floor. She giggled with a sinister grin, "Impressive. But you missed something."

I took the dare and just as easily relieved her of her bra and panties and scooped her up to take her to the shower while she was still blessing me with her excited smile… and impish mood.

And while she was bent over to turn the water on, I lost my patience… Watching her shower earlier… the temptation to kill Compton… ending Waldo…

In.

I wanted it.

I took it.

All of my 'control', every bit I had, was lost in an instant.

Buried.

She held herself up, one arm snaked behind my neck, one foot on the side of the tub, lifting her … Meeting me at the perfect height and pushing back to take me _in_…

I reached around, finding her clit, just to push her…

Her moaning and gasping erupted into a loud, pained whine that echoed through me until I cut it off by putting my hand over her mouth…

And the closer she got, the harder it became for me to resist…

Her nails digging into my neck…

Her pulse was hammering through her veins…

Resisting, wanting wait…

Until she took the second to sweep her hair away from her shoulder… Inviting me…

Uncovered…

My fangs pushed in and she released a long, low moan that resonated through her body…

Clutching me as she came…

Taking in her blood, her life… sweet and pure… letting it fill me, sooth me…

Therapeutic…

Needed…

Satisfying more than just hunger or lust…

Making me wish there was more…

Knowing she'd give more than she could afford.

I had to force myself to stop.

I had to regain some control…

I had to force myself to finish…

I pushed her over, wrapping one arm around her waist to lift her and driving into her until she started gasping, begging me to come…

As soon as her feet were under her again she leaned into the wall, trying to catch her breath and finally leaning into me. She giggled against my chest, "That's better."

"What is?"

"You're cooler than the tile."

"And that's a good thing?"

She hummed, pressing her cheeks against my chest in turn. "Definitely. Especially right now. All the blood I have left is in my face."

I chuckled at her and quickly healed her marking. "Feeling better?"

"Absolutely. You less wound up now?"

"I'm certainly cured of my foul mood." Most of it. Compton still needed to be ended with _extreme prejudice_…

She stepped back and smiled up at me as she pushed the water through her hair briskly. "Good. You're sexier when you smile."

"Oh really?" I watched as she washed herself quickly.

"Yes, really. It's your own fault you have all those fangbangers sniveling at your feet, you know?"

"What makes you think that?"

She kissed me with a grin and stepped out of the tub without a word.

"Sookie?"

"I just needed to get out of there before your ego took up the whole damn room."

I chuckled, stepping under the water. "I'm not that bad."

"Oh _yeah_, you are… Hey, should I call Pam so you don't need to repeat yourself? She's going to be curious." Those two were going to end up closer than I thought…

"Don't you want us to dress first?"

She teased, "Shyness among vampires?"

"Go ahead then, brat."

While I sped through the functional part of my shower, I heard Sookie call down to ask Pam for a _braid they'd discussed_…

The very idea that she thought so well on her feet was impressive. She certainly would make a good vampire… eventually.

When I came out of the shower, Sookie was wearing a pair of her short shorts and a clingy pink t-shirt and Pam was on her knees on the bed behind her, pulling Sookie's hair back into an intricate braid… Like sisters might behave.

They both looked up at me expectantly.

Sookie grinned as she started, "I'll go first because it's quick and what's left can be for later. 11. I found 11 spies. Only two were Arkansas though. The rest were Fellowship. A couple from Dallas, a couple from Shreveport, so it's everybody's problem… Now how did Bill's blood and the smell of banana end up on your pants?" Right to the point.

"How do you know its Bill's?"

She shrugged. "I've had his blood. I can feel it."

"Really?"

"I don't know how. I'm just assuming. It smells like normal vampire blood to me. But it was creepy. When you got off the elevator, I thought he'd be behind you." That was interesting enough to want to explore it more later.

"I was asked to end Waldo."

They gasped and only followed the noise with a shocked expressions. They were waiting for more.

"The queen couldn't bring herself to do it, so when Andre took me to him and he was confined with Bill, I abused Bill for a while before I ended Waldo."

Sookie seemed puzzled. "Why? You said you wouldn't hurt him." Pam was (for once) staying quiet, but her sense of justice was evident, as was her gratitude.

"I hit him quite a few times, but the blood is from what Andre did and you _don't_ want to know about the bananas… Waldo felt safe in that we weren't there for him, so he never had the chance to be fearful. It was fast."

"You took part in Bill's torture to spare the queen the pain of feeling her child's panic at the end."

"Yes, but I'd be lying to say that I didn't enjoy every hit."

She nodded slowly. "So you got to end the vampire that was responsible for your child's injuries and beat up the one that planned to turn me right under your nose."

I nodded. "And was given a favor in return."

"What favor?"

"I haven't decided yet. I'd have done it without the promise, but by asking to save it for later I may have confirmed your suspicions. I believe that Andre discussed the favor's uncertainty with the queen telepathically."

She beamed, full of satisfaction. _Duly prideful_. "You beat up the knob. You killed our attacker. You got an open ended favor. You discovered the queen's secret… You shouldn't have seemed so angry."

"Unfortunately, I didn't think to silence Compton."

"_**He**_ riled you up?"

"He said that he could still turn you."

She huffed. "You're the only one that could get away with that." Pam's mouth fell open, but she wisely remained silent.

"Sookie, if he got to you he'd get away with it." And keep her from her family to punish her for his list of mistakes… He'd keep her from them as a start… Since he was lunatic enough to have abducted Jason, he might kill them to keep her in line.

"Then can I make a suggestion?" The only suggestion she could have that would calm me down was that I should end Compton before he could steal her from me.

"It needs to be brilliant, Sookie. He'd take _everything_ from you."

She nodded absently while she thought through an alternative. "Don't take him back to Shreveport. Leave him here for Andre. Have him ejected from the state and then if he ever comes back to Louisiana again, it could only be because he's suicidal." So far, so good…

"He needs to be taught a lesson though. This punishment, what Andre is doing is too private. Too many saw him challenge me."

She stared at the ceiling, biting the corner of her lip while she pondered the hitch in her plan. Finally, "Oooh, I know. That reception… the one tomorrow night. The queen is short staffed at the moment. He could serve drinks on a leash or something. Pam could still dress him up and take pictures… then you could send them out so that everyone knows to be on the lookout for him re-entering your area. Like wanted posters and make sure his maker gets one. Besides, being humiliated in a room full of vampires would have to be worse than just a few and some fangbangers." Her eyebrows went up as though she was waiting to be graded.

"If he's allowed to leave then you'd be unsafe indefinitely. You'd have to be guarded."

"You were going to do that anyway, butthead." Pam snickered that Sookie called me 'butthead'… maybe that she knew I was going to have her looked after. It didn't matter why, I still gave her a warning look.

"Yes, but the Weres that would have been around your property wouldn't suffice after dusk."

"No, but sleeping in a warded house with a thousand year old vampire would. I could stay with you for a while until the safe room is finished… I wanted to talk to you about that anyway because of the Fellowship thing… it's a growing issue. I caught that one was thinking specifically of Fangtasia. I was thinking that I should listen in for about a week or so when we get back anyway." If I hadn't been facing my closet, getting dressed, Pam would have had endless fun with the undefeatable smile on my face. Even knowing she'd feel how happy the proposal of an extra week with Sookie made me wasn't keeping me from enjoying the moment.

"What then, Sookie? He's a vampire. He won't just forget how embarrassed he's been."

"I don't expect he would, but… I'm yours, Eric. If he's dumb enough to come after me, especially once he knows I have protection…"

"You understand that I'd have to end him."

She nodded. She wasn't excited, by the prospect, simply accepting of it.

"What of your job? And Adele's thoughts on staying in Shreveport?"

"Sam? Are you kidding? _**I'm**_ not telling him that he was right about Bill! Besides, he still hasn't settled down enough to call me, so he's really being a jerk about this. If I'm not dealing with working for him, then on Thursday, I can screen your applicants, test myself with Weres and maybe find one to be that day guard for when we travel." Ever the muli-tasker.

"And Adele?"

"Really? Do you think I need to ask? She likes your house more than the one she's been in for 60 years. And I'm sure it'll just break her heart to have Bubba sit with her while I'm looking for assholes at Fangtasia."

"And you're sure you don't want to go back to Bon Temps?"

She snorted. "We've already discussed your ego… There's another perk."

"My ego is a perk?"

She blew a raspberry at me, refusing to tell me, again, that she wants to stay with me. "As much as Paulette cares for Gran… She might consider a trip to Bon Temps, by extension Shreveport, to ward our place for us." _Brilliant_.

"If she wards the property against vampires…"

"Not _all_ vampires, just Bill. All she needs is his blood for it to be specific. I asked our first day here, but got a little 'eh' about how to collect it. Problem solved, right?"

She got up from the bed and carefully removed my belt and phone from my discarded pants and folded them to put in her bag.

Pam was slack jawed as she watched Sookie, with her now perfectly done hair move about the room… "Pamela, do you have anything to add?" I only asked hoping that she was just as dumbfounded as I was.

"Paulette called while you were out. She said to call her if it didn't work for you, but she'd meet you here at 3. What was that about?"

"If it was any of your concern, she might have left a more detailed message, don't you think?"

She snarled at me. "Yes."

"Anything else?"

"I think our time is up. Gran gave me a 15 minute warning on my way up."

Sookie had quickly checked her hair in the mirror and leaned over to peck Pam on the cheek. "It's gorgeous. I like using hair as a diversion… I'm gonna run down to gather everyone so that you have the chance to say what's on your mind."

Without another word Sookie was gone.

I eyed Pam steadily. "What do you have in mind?"

"Firstly, thank you." Her tone was humble and grateful… She could only be speaking of the reprisal acted out in her defense.

"My pleasure. Anything else?"

"Only if you recognize that it's out of curiosity."

"Understood."

"How often… How much of your… She…"

"Pam, could you move this along? The family is waiting."

"You aren't bonded yet, but it was like she was… that entire plan was something you would come up with… I don't understand how she's so calm. And did she say that you could get away with turning her?"

"She is. Her calm is unexpected _and_ extraordinary. And yes, we've discussed the possibility of her becoming vampire."

Had it not been for the wide, excited grin that took over Pam's full lips I wouldn't have been able to identify her mood. "She wants to be a vampire?"

"No, but she'd rather be vampire than be dead. We've discussed her turning in an emergent situation. She is considering the otherwise as well though. Her primary concern being that since all vampires get heightened senses…"

Her eyes widened as the dawning came to her. "Oh lord! She might go mad. She'd get no peace. Unless…"

"Unless?"

"Her shields could quite reasonably become stronger in tandem."

I smiled at Pam's addition as though it was a remedy to an ache. "Thank _you_. That perspective lightens my burden."

"So… You do want to turn her."

"Yes, but at the moment we are quite comfortable with her in her current state."

"It doesn't bother you that I actually like her, does it?" She didn't need to be told that it pleases me to no end that they get along so famously. What she felt was enough.

I smiled as we walked towards the door. "Only until you start rubbing off on her."

Her grin was still firmly affixed. "On a side note, the reception… Do you approve of the gowns from the boutique?"

"I do, but… Perhaps you should call tonight. I'd like for her to wear blue."

"A certain shade?"

"Light, like the slip she bought at Hot Chocolate."

She nodded. "Are you really not going to tell me where you are going with Paulette?"

"No. I wouldn't want to risk spoiling the surprise for Sookie. She practically has the hearing of a vampire. You'll find out when you rise tomorrow. I'm sure she'll still be yelling about it."

As we walked from one cemetery, church, 'city of the dead', and 'haunted' home to another with our comically gothic (not to mention painfully oblivious) tour guide, I found myself more entertained than usual. Not by the subject matter of the tour, more the jovial nature of the Stackhouses. Even Hadley, a 'walking dead' herself seemed to be recovering from her saddened state of earlier.

The poor fool of a guide was more than puzzled at the reasons they all (and eventually Pam and I) laughed every time he uttered the word 'dead' in his theatrically 'spooky' tone… Eventually he changed his verbiage to say 'unliving'… which only caused more frustration for him since even Jason caught on to the irony… our laughter continued to grow as his mental thesaurus tried every synonym he could imagine…

Deceased

Passed away

Departed

Lost souls

Spirits

Late

The most preposterous: Disembodied Souls.

As we wandered through the children's section of one of the many cemeteries, Hadley noticed an aged headstone simply marked 'Jason', free of dates. He humorously laid himself on the grave, placing his hands behind his head to pose for one of Adele's many photos and only a few moments later, we interrupted the tour again when we stumbled over a headstone marked Pamela. She refused to lie on the ground not only because of the dew, but she thought it was far more ironic to stand on the small monument… Adele laughed at her pose until she was breathless. Apparently, the pose could be considered 'vamping'.

The 'vamping' comment inspired our guide… We all began rolling with laughter as the obtuse boy began imparting all of his _infinite wisdom_ on the topic of vampirism… Including our lack of reflections, repulsion to 'holy water' and garlic and our favorite, our inability to appear in photographs…

The unforeseen amusement, the hilarity of the farcical outing was more enjoyable than I could have hoped, but the credit for that fell exclusively on the company.

Bartholomew (Sookie revealed that his actual name was Sean) was finally given a clue to our enjoyment… After relieving him of a large amount of his stock of souvenirs, Adele asked him to take a group photo for her. As the 6 of us posed, he captured the image… but Adele was feeling puckish… "One more… with fangs."

The boy urinated.

By the end of our tour, Adele's mood hadn't diminished in the slightest, but it was obvious that her stamina had been tested. She only laughingly resisted as I scooped her up to carry her back to the car and by the end of our 4 mile walk, she'd fallen asleep in my arms. Jason had even jokingly taken a 'piggy-back ride' from Hadley for a few blocks of the trip as 'payback' for one he'd given her as children due to a sprained ankle she'd gotten falling while they played. They reminisced about playing at their 'fort' in the woods by extension, even making plans for the three of them to visit the site when Hadley 'goes home' to see if anything was still left. They hadn't been back 'in ages'. Since none of them were 30 yet, I almost mocked their use of the term. I only forgave it because two thirds of their life would be 'ages' to them.

By the time we returned to the house, Adele had found a second wind and went directly to the kitchen to dish out banana splits while we all gathered, enjoying what was left of the evening…

Enjoying that I was somehow letting go of my earlier stress.

No. I certainly didn't mind that Sookie and Adele would be staying with me longer than planned…

"Adele, did Sookie mention that we have thought of an excuse for you to stay with me in Shreveport?" My cautious approach was greeted with a bright smile.

"You don't say. What's our excuse?"

"While at the palace tonight, Sookie 'heard' that there might be a threat in my area. It would be very convenient for you two to just stay with me while she surveys my customers for problems."

"Do I still rate a babysitter?"

Sookie giggled an I-told-you-so while Pam cackled.

Jason gave her a confused look. "You're staying with a vampire and you're scared to be alone?"

She laughed at him. "If that's the story I have to tell… My babysitter was so much fun... He even sang to me."

Pam was instantly jealous. "He… What did he sing?"

"Let It Be... _He's __**still**__ got it_."

Pam scoffed. "The Beatles? He sang a _Beatles_ song?" I suppose no one bothered to remind him of his soreness towards the Beatles he carried in life.

Jason's eyes widened. "_JOHN LENNON IS A VAMPIRE!?"_

I laughed at him. "Of course not, no one reached him in time. It's for the best though, while I enjoyed his music, he would have turned that shrill wife of his. Imagine _**that**_ echoing through the ages… Adele's body guard simply has a spectacular, _and rarely shared_, singing voice."

Adele seemed positively giddy with her little secret and shared a wink when Jason's attention went back to his ice cream.

Paulette arrived 10 minutes early and as she knocked, I pointed to Sookie. "Shields."

"What?"

"Paulette may very well think about our task and if you pry, you _**will be**_ disturbed." Loosely worded as it was, she gave me a wide eyed nod.

As it was, I only gave Paulette a moment to say her hellos before hustling her out and telling Sookie not to wait up.

I'd waited until I drove down the block before explaining to my very confused witch… "I apologize. I'm shopping for Sookie tonight and she's a telepath. I didn't want her to have the chance to get any hints."

She giggled. "Really? I knew there was something about her… a telepath? I've never heard of a real one."

"Neither have I. She's very unique."

"That's a relief. I was… I mean… When you said you had human company…"

I nodded, sparing her from struggling through her phrasing. "They've been staying with me in Shreveport. I should have mentioned that, so that you wouldn't feel concerned."

"So, the jeweler?"

"Yes, please. Go ahead."

"Ok, so I couldn't find one that would open early or stay open late for a vampire. They were all worried that you'd _drain them_ or whatever. So… I got… 'tricky'."

"Tricky?"

She nodded sheepishly. "If you don't want to… I went to the one that boasts about their Sapphires… I took my brother. He's a witch too. We cast a confusion spell on the owner. Right now he thinks it's 9 AM and he's opening for normal business. So all the cameras and everything won't pick up on anything being out of the ordinary. But afterwards, he'll remember some but not much, kind of like he was drunk."

I couldn't help but laugh. "_THAT_ is impressive. Thank you!"

"You aren't angry?"

"Not in the least. Your idea was inspired and makes me want you in Shreveport all the more. What's keeping you here?"

She huffed. "My family. My brother hasn't been able to find work. So him, his wife and little boy live with me."

I smiled at her. "What is his trade?"

"He's a welder."

"So a construction job for him, a large house with a yard and a vehicle with GPS along with your doubled salary would encourage your relocation?"

"Are you _SERIOUS_?"

"Quite."

"You're… _How bad is your day-guy?_"

"He's served me well enough for the past few years, but he's annoyed by Sookie's presence. He's less than complimentary. He's insulting. He has few uses except for errands and your casting ability has proven to be quite practical."

"He's _**mean**_ to her?" Impressing me more was that she seemed to be angry in Sookie's defense.

"She's a telepath so his impolite thoughts have reached her. Sookie and Adele very much enjoy you though. You've proven yourself to be priceless."

"_**IF**_ I accepted, what would my job include?"

"Occasional warding, not much or often. Errands that would include overseeing certain small projects and shopping. At the moment Bobby is 'swamped' with having some improvements done to Sookie and Adele's home. The week before we left he shopped for some clothing for them, ordered several items online and arranged for a background check."

"You pay someone to shop online for you?"

"No. He takes the easy way out from time to time. Adele and I both enjoy antique books which can be hard to find and I asked for him to have a bracelet made for Pam."

"Antique books? There's a shop… the front is antique books, but the back is for witches' supplies. They have a _huge_ section of first editions. Some of them signed."

"I think you've just added to your list for tomorrow. Adele has no collection of her own. She'll be easy to please. She seems to like everything. Especially more obscure titles by well known authors. She was endlessly pleased with The Innocents Abroad by Twain."

She smiled. "How many?"

"We'll only be here for tomorrow and the next day… 10 books should take care of the rest of her visit. You might see if there is a way we could be notified when they receive more stock. Once we get back to Shreveport, I'll have you collect more for her… Perhaps bring a few more _when you move_?"

She giggled. "I need to talk to my brother."

"I'll wait."

She rolled her eyes at me as she pulled out her phone.

Her call started with an apology for waking him and blaming her 'pushy vampire boss'. She quickly explained the job offer package. Her brother's response was to call her a bonehead for thinking twice about taking the job, even if his own employment wasn't part of the proposal. He insisted that they could have her apartment packed for her before the end of the week if needed.

For the rest of the trip we discussed informalities of her move. That her relocation expenses would be covered and that I would make sure that vampires would arrive the night before they left the area to do the packing for them since it could all be done in a couple of hours. They'd then deliver their things to her new house where her car and new tools (cell phone and laptop) would be waiting with all of her utilities already taken care of. She'd have enough to do by way of closing up my house and tying up her own loose ends…

The prospect of glamouring Bobby to forget his many errands and realize his wishes to climb Mount Fuji was making me more generous than usual.

As promised, the jeweler was waiting behind a display case. The confusion spell worked well enough that he was finishing a nasty phone call to one of his 'no-show' employees.

My evening had certainly taken a turn to the lighter side of things… especially considering the heft of seriousness it began with.

As I perused the 4 cases of sapphires, my only disappointment was in knowing that I'd earn more of Sookie's wrath than planned if I bought all the pieces that I found suitable for her…

But I easily thought of a loophole to allow me to still buy more than my 'threat' included.

I was only further pleased to quickly find fitting items for Adele and my brat.

When all was said and done, once the jeweler's wit returned to him, the large sale was most likely going to buffer him from his mystification.

In my experience, 6 figures usually prevented questions from being asked.

Not wanting to disturb Sookie, but too pleased to resist, I hovered over her to gently place the necklace and bracelet on her... Only sliding the ring into place once she had snuggled up to my side.

She didn't seem to notice the new additions, just that I was with her again. "Missed you."

"I thought about you the whole time I was gone."

"Aww. Me too."

"What did you do before you came to rest? You seemed to be having fun."

"We taught Pam to play Uno… She hates us all now."

I laughed quietly so I wouldn't completely wake her. "She still had fun."

"I know… She called one of her pets to order a new dress for me. You don't like the purple one?"

"I do, but if Bill is there, I'll need the distraction and seeing you in light blue will remind me of your little slip."

She giggled. "You're a dirty old man, but I love you anyway."

I chuckled as I kissed her head, hoping that eventually, she'd say it while she was awake.


	21. Chapter 21

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 21**

**Worth**

I knew something was off.

Before any of my senses came to me fully, it was as though I could feel something was wrong.

Sookie wasn't with me.

It was the first conscious thought that came to me.

Even though she'd already told me that she likes to be with me when I rise, she wasn't with me.

I was alone. I found myself _enjoying_ it almost as much as when Sookie was unresponsive.

As I reached out, testing her mood and distance, she seemed bored and was close by… the unusually _quiet_ house.

I immediately regretted putting the jewelry on her before I went to rest. Had she been awake, I'd have had the opportunity to explain my loophole.

She'd have called me a 'giant brat', slapped my arm and made fun of me for getting my way.

Instead, she's been left to fume all day.

Since the reception wasn't until 11, I thought it might be feasible to calm her down.

_Possibly_?

She wasn't angry to any degree. The only thing I was able to decipher was boredom, but it didn't seem as though she had been into the room for most of the day.

I hoped, like I had a few nights ago that she might be joining me in a moment, so I reached for my phone to check for messages…

…And when I did, something caught my eye.

Brat.

It was the only thing I could think of at the moment…

Brat… Brat… Brat… _**Brat**_…

I stared at my hand, more specifically, the white gold band on my ring finger for a while before it occurred to me to slide it off.

It was simple, but solid. No stone or design. Just a band.

It _was_ 'just a band' until I realized that it looked like a run of the mill _wedding_ band.

I studied the damn thing though, trying to decide if she was implying that the ring I'd bought for her implied more than I originally imagined.

No, the human custom… Fuck. Like I'd know. I ended up using my phone to look it up online.

I went back to studying the ring while my phone loaded the Google results for 'engagement ring'…

The custom _IS_ diamonds. Diamonds alone. Not diamonds with sapphires. She had to be trying to get a reaction out of me.

Just for reassurance's sake, I searched for 'wedding bands' and the first four pages were of pictures of simple bands just like the one I was rolling between my fingers.

Sookie _was_ teasing me.

The point was only pushed further when I noticed that there was an engraving…

'_Two can play at that game'_

She'd been expecting the necklace and bracelet, not the ring.

Knowing how sensitive her hearing is, I had to fight my urge to laugh at her feisty rebuttal and slid it back onto my finger to go dress.

Her bored mood continued until I reached the doorway to the kitchen to see her peacefully reading a book.

Without looking back she offered, "Good evening." Her dull mood was seemingly being replaced by anticipation.

She was waiting for my reaction.

I walked up behind her, placing a kiss on her neck next to her necklace. "Good evening, _to you_. I hope you like yours as much as I like mine."

She inhaled sharply. "You like it?"

"Of course. It's very thoughtful. Thank you."

"Really?"

I dialed my smile back to a grin to sit across from her. "Truly… Where is everyone?"

She looked like she was choking as she watched my hands lift her foot into my lap to start massaging her calf. Her eyes fixed on my _left_ hand while it massaged… "Uh… Gran decided to take a nap so that you wouldn't have to hold her up during the reception and Jason passed out watching a movie while the house was quiet."

"Why didn't you decide to get any rest?"

"I got plenty of sleep. I couldn't have slept if I tried." Her eyes still hadn't met mine.

"Did Pam's boutique come through with a dress?"

She nodded, gazing at the band.

"Will it remind me of your slip?"

"Huh? Uh… yeah. The color is close and it's cut low."

I smiled at the prospect of the dress, but she didn't notice. "I hope you don't mind. I remembered that you said you don't like flashy, so the things you're wearing now are more simple for regular use. There are more formal pieces for you to wear tonight."

She nodded again, filling with concern… I was starting to get the feeling that she thought I'd be disappointed to realize it was a joke.

"Sookie, are you feeling well? You're troubled about something."

She barely shook her head. "No, I'm fine."

"You aren't upset because there are diamonds in your jewelry, are you?"

"No. It's beautiful. All of it. Thank you." Her voice was strained.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure I'll like the other stuff too… for special occasions."

"I hope so. I found something for Adele too."

"Really?"

"Simple enough for her to be comfortable, but probably sufficient to turn her gossipy friend green."

"That'll be fun. How did things go with Paulette last night?"

"I wanted to tell you this morning... I got her. She's moving to Shreveport. Bobby is getting fired… or taken to a taxidermist."

"Wow. That's great."

"_**I**_ think so. He's not a large man, so it shouldn't cost nearly as much to have him stuffed as my last day guy."

"Cheaper is better."

"Sookie?" I reached over to her with my left hand, asking for hers. She eyed it until her own hand covered the ring and I led her over to sit on my legs.

"Yeah?" As soon as my hand rested on her thigh, she was locked on it again. Her preoccupation with the ring was making it nearly impossible to keep from laughing.

"You're worrying me."

"Huh? Why?"

"You're distant, distracted, barely _engaged_. You're not acting like yourself."

She tensed as 'engaged' filtered through her mind. "What do you mean?"

"I just told you that I plan on having Bobby stuffed and mounted and you agreed that it was a good idea."

I slid my hand up her thigh to rest on the back of her hip and waited. "What?"

"You're being _spacey_. I have a collection of fitting blond jokes to go along with the vacant look you've had since I joined you."

"I was… I wasn't sure how you'd react to the…" She interrupted herself as we were joined…

Pam breezed into the room and, as I expected she would, she noticed the ring in less than a second. Fashion. Jewelry. Torture. Pam is a venerated authority on the subjects.

"What is that!?" Her gratuitous gasp caused Sookie to whip her head around.

"My ring? Sookie gave it to me. You like?" I pulled my hand back to '_admire'_ the ring. "I'm impressed. It's a perfect fit."

"Sookie, you… Eric… you…" This was perfect. I'd managed to baffle them both in the same joke. "Eric, you realize that you're wearing a wedding ring, right?"

It had been hard enough to keep my smile (laugh for that matter) to myself, but the faked grimace was pushing my acting ability. "A wed… Sookie?"

When she turned back to me, her expression and her mood were both bordering on 'crushed'. "Eric, I…"

I knew Pam would quickly feel that my mood wasn't matching my behavior. She would spoil my fun if we stayed in the room with her…

I stood up, setting Sookie on the floor and set an angry stride towards our room. "We need to talk. Now."

Sookie sheepishly closed the door behind her.

"A _wedding_ band?"

She started shaking her head defensively. "That's not… Eric, I…"

I put my eyebrows up as though I was excited at the prospect of marriage. "Is that what you want?"

She only staggered back half a step before I caught her. "What?"

I smiled at her, pulling her closer. "It's a little soon, but… you're already considering much longer term... It isn't legal yet, but we could start making plans. Pam enjoys a show called Bridezillas… I understand these things take a while to plan anyway…"

Her jaw bounced, trying to find words as I carried her to the bed and rested over her on my knees. I was going to pay for how much fun I was having later, but I wasn't going to let that stop me.

"…We can announce our engagement when our bond is permanent and then marry as soon as it's legal. Pam would be my… my… what's it called?"

She cringed. "Best man?"

"That's it… We could have a relatively traditional ceremony. The only thing I ask is that we skip the cake exchange… That wouldn't work out well."

"Eric, I need to tell you something."

I nodded. "Just one more thing, then it's your turn?"

She furrowed her brows and tried to swallow the panic back as she nodded.

I leaned in, getting right up to her ear. "Two _**can**_ play at that game."

She was so still she might be mistaken for dead for just a moment before she started punching my sides. _**"OH. YOU. SON. OF. A. BITCH! Get off! Get…"**_ She started laughing, but I could barely hear it over my own noise. "…I'm going to… You _**shit!**_"

I kissed her before pulling away just enough to face her. "Do you not like your ring?"

She was still chuckling. "It's beautiful, just like everything else. But I told you why I didn't want a ring. I'm afraid it will get messed up."

"I don't expect for you to wear it while you're waiting tables, but after the way you were talking last night it didn't seem like you were going back to Merlotte's."

She turned her mouth down mockingly. "Nice loophole."

"I think so. Thank you."

"Brat."

"You had me Googling engagement rings and _**you**_ call _**me**_ a brat?"

"Why would you Google those?"

"Because it only took me a moment to recognize my ring as a wedding band. I was worried that I might have sent the wrong message since I'm not sure of the standard… then I found the engraving."

She laughed. "Good. That's what I was going for… Just a second or two of panic. How many times did you call me a brat?"

"A million."

"Then we're even. I did too… You can take it off now." I thought about it, but only for the briefest of moments…

"No. I think I'll wear it."

"Eric, it's a wedding band. Why would you want to wear it?"

"As a keepsake… Once we're bonded, I won't be able to fool you like that anymore. You'd have felt how much fun I was having."

She grinned, putting her finger up to rest over my lips. "Shhhh. Don't bullshit me, you're still going to try."

Before I had the chance to jokingly deny her accusation, her finger slid over my lip slowly and started to trail down the side of my neck…

_No time._

I growled at her, caught on my knees between her soft, inviting thighs…

Reluctantly, I held my hand out for hers and guided her from the bed.

She pouted, standing toe to toe with me, huffing out a deep sigh. "What do I smell like? I'm going to be in a room full of vampires. I should smell like my master, shouldn't I?" _My master._

I leaned only slightly to take her in… nothing.

"I don't smell like anything, do I?"

"Did you do that on purpose?"

Her eyebrow twitched, giving her away. "I did my thing during the day and then took a shower a little while ago so my hair would be dry for Pam to take care of."

"You only smell like your bath items."

She smirked, lifting her shirt over her head to let it fall to the floor and started pulling my shirt from me. "It's your fault."

When her soft warm body pressed against my chest, my arms went around her as if on their own accord. "I most definitely want to hear how this was _my_ doing."

She chuckled, swaying her body to 'transfer our scents'. "I went to bed alone last night." She continued trying to provoke me, blowing a heated breath over my ribs and brushing her fingertips up my spine.

"I'm sorry for that."

She giggled and dragged her hot tongue over my nipple. "You should think of a way to make it up to me." _Spectacular…_ She was wearing five figures worth of jewelry and she considered herself _slighted_ by being denied 'alone time'.

"I can think of hundreds of ways to make it up to you, and all of the positions and places to do it in, but now isn't the time. We need to ready."

She whimpered. "I know… when we get home tomorrow night, will we need to go to Fangtasia right away?"

"No. Not until the next night for the interviews."

"So I'll have all night?"

"And my undivided attention."

"In your room?"

"Until you can't walk."

"Could I still swim? We have some unfinished business with your pool."

"I _could_ be convinced." My attempt at being coy was failing miserably. Her arms had strapped around me so tightly that my cock had stiffened at the friction from her rocking.

"How late do you think we'll be tonight?"

"We should be back by 3." Two, if we can convince Adele to use fatigue as our escape plan.

"Giving us 3 hours."

"That might be enough time."

She purred, "Enough time for what?"

I lowered my mouth to her ear, dropping my fangs. "I could completely ruin you."

Her skin rolled with goosebumps and in an instant she had released her hold on me and was darting for the door stooping to snatch her shirt up along the way.

"Where are you going?"

She giggled without looking back. "If we want playtime later, then I have shit to do, master."

It was no chore to catch up to Sookie and as we arrived in the kitchen to find the entire household gathered, Jason shot a worried look to his sister.

"Sook, you alright? I heard you yelling?"

She scowled in my direction. "I was trying to play a joke on Eric, and the butthead turned it around on me. You heard my reaction to his 'reveal'."

He offered an uncomfortable grin in my direction. "That's what I was hoping. You'da been toast otherwise."

"No kidding… Okay, this session of the Stackhouse family meeting is now called to order."

"Family meeting?"

"More like a lecture. You and Gran need to know what to expect when we get to the palace tonight."

"Like?"

"Well, for starters, do you get the maker/child thing?"

"Not really."

"Eric is Pam's maker. She is his child. The queen is Hadley's maker. That's who turned them into a vampire in the first place." She lowered her chin and raised her eyebrows waiting for him to ask what he needed to.

He thought about it for a minute before starting to nod. "Alright… like a sponsor… like when Grampa sponsored Hoyt's dad to join the Masons?"

She looked surprised that the information had absorbed so quickly. "Yeah, or a fraternity. Someone has to 'open the door' for them. And if, say Pam, went berserker and started draining folks willy-nilly, Eric's ass would be on the line too because he's responsible for her actions as her 'sponsor'." In the simplest of terms… and he looked like he was catching on.

"Yeah. I guess that makes sense. Is there more?"

Sookie nodded. "And then there's pets."

"Like Tina?" The cat was coincidentally enjoying Pam's absentminded stroking.

"No. A human pet. Vampires, _some vampires_, keep human pets. The pet gets taken care of to an extent, depending on the vampire, because the pet serves a purpose..."

He began shaking his head, needing more help on this matter. _Poor squirrels_.

"…Like Terry's hunting dogs or the dog Sam keeps to scare scavengers away from the dumpster." Pam and Adele started snickering, knowing that Sam himself was the one who carried out the 'opossum patrol'.

"Alright. A purpose? What do humans do for vampires?"

She cringed having to spell it out for him. "Sex and blood normally. Pets are only a step above fangbangers, right?" She looked up at me.

I nodded. "Only slightly. They cost more, but they're more reliable."

"Cost more?" The only reason I was indulging him at this point, was because he was going to see more than a few 'pets' tonight. Sadly, this needed to be done so that he didn't cause a scene.

Thankfully, Adele stepped in while I was still wording my answer. "Jason, fangbangers tend to throw themselves at vampires. They come out of the woodwork wanting to get bitten. Pets are taken care of. They get something more out of it. To put it in terms you can understand, fangbangers are booty calls. Pets are loveless marriages." She hit the target dead center and she did it without mentioning that there was nothing between Jason and Dawn or Maudette but sex like I would have.

Hadley joined the conversation, patting Jason on his knee. "Then there are special circumstances… Like me and Sophie-Ann. I was a pet, but we were friends too. Some of us are just 'pets' in public because most vampires are just hard asses. Like… well, there aren't many who didn't live in a time when there was a breadwinner and then a slave type. Think about it. Eric is _really_ old and women have only really had _any_ rights for like a tenth of his life."

He shot a half hearted dirty look in my direction, but Pam cut him off. He was getting a 'round robin'. "Don't go throwing around critical looks, sugar. His age was the example, not his attitude. I've been annoying the shit out of him since he turned me and I rarely ever get punished…"

"_Punished!?"_

She snickered at him. "Yes. In fact the last punishment I received was horrific… I glamoured all of the waitresses to serenade him with Unchained Melody while the club was at capacity a few weeks ago and…" She started to put on a crying fit. "… He made me… He made me donate all of my Hermes bags to a church auction. It cost me a fortune to replace them one at a time on eBay." Those bags are ghastly and the only real reason for a bag that big is to move a body.

He snorted. "That had to be hard."

She smiled at him. "He wouldn't even let me get a receipt so I could write off the donation."

He looked back to Sookie when he was done laughing. "Is that it? Makers and children and pets?"

She nodded. "I am Eric's pet. He's my master."

"What?"

"Just what I said. He's my master. Tonight, in that reception hall, I'm nothing but a submissive pet with a talent that has proven useful to the queen. You're going to hear me called 'Northman's little blood-bag' and other stuff like that… Just because we like spending time together doesn't mean a hill of beans to most vampires. We're beneath them on the food chain and if you found out one of your friends had gotten attached to a plate of hot wings, you'd think he was off his rocker too."

Adele added, "You also wouldn't take him seriously anymore. There are vampires like Bill Compton who would use or harm your sister, Jason. If Eric is going to keep her safe, then other vampires will need to continue to respect him."

"It's weird."

Hadley shook her head. "No it isn't. Do you cuss around children?"

"No. Gran would beat my ass."

"Do you fart at the dinner table?"

"Uh, _whoopin'_."

"Do you tell dirty jokes at church?"

He lowered his eyes. "Not since the pastor overheard."

"Right. There's a right time and a wrong time for all that stuff… consider tonight the time for 'church manners'. I'll be minding my Ps and Qs too."

His neck jerked a sudden nod as though he'd set himself to behave and looked up at me. "_Alright_. I get it. So… uh… how high up on the food chain are you?"

Hadley grinned from ear to ear. "Well… Eric is the shit. He's Sophie-Ann's favorite sheriff. He'll technically be the 3rd ranking in the room tonight, but he's the strongest of all of them and the scariest." Her age aside, Hadley was still the talkingest fucking vampire I'd ever come across…

Jason's eyes grew. "So… you're like… pretty far up there, huh? You're big and all, but you're not that scary looking."

I wanted to laugh at him. "I have my moments."

The crash course in vampire relations had gone better than I could have imagined. Jason managed to take the information in stride as though he was learning how to dine at a formal place setting. Pam and Hadley were explaining that vampires aren't fond of human contact such as hand shaking (any more than he'd rub himself with food) when there was an unexpected knock on the door.

Mr. Cataliades flashed his excessively genial smile when I greeted him.

"Good evening, Sheriff. My apologies for stopping by unannounced, but the queen sent me to take care of a few business matters and… well, bring Hadley's attire for the reception as well."

I offered a nod as I took the garment bag from over his arm. "I wasn't aware that we had unfinished business."

"More to the point, I'm here to speak to Mr. Stackhouse. Majesty was hoping that you might serve as his guide through the matters at hand."

After delivering Hadley's dress, Jason and I assembled in my office with the lawyer…

My curiosity was more than piqued. What 'business' the queen had with Jason, was beyond me. It wasn't any surprise that Jason couldn't have been more confused.

Mr. Cataliades opened his brief case as soon as he was seated and handed a file to me, turning to Jason to thank him for his time…

"…I'm here to discuss settlement with you."

"Settlement?"

"For the injury and loss of work that you sustained at the hands of one of the Queen's employees."

"You mean Bill nabbing me and feeding on me."

Mr. C nodded. "…And I was told you were under an extended glamour as well."

Jason shifted nervously. "Yeah. I guess. I don't remember nothing though."

Mr. C chuckled through closed lips. "I'm sure that it could be arranged for you to get your missing time back, but would you really want to?"

"Naw. I guess you're right about that."

"Very well then, Sheriff Northman is looking over a settlement contract. Since Mr. Compton committed his wrong to you while on an assignment from the Queen, she's fining him for his error."

"I thought he was getting beat up and stuff for that."

"Technically, that portion of his punishment is in regards to his failure in his task and his plans toward turning your sister. This proposal is specific to you as a private entity."

"Oh… Eric, I have no idea what's going on." He was so simple, almost like an infant.

"If you got into a fist fight as a child, you'd have been punished, and then Adele would have made you apologize to your challenger also. Yes?" _Hopefully, Adele was rubbing off…_

"Got it. Thanks"

Cataliades smiled as he continued, "Since the queen's intent is to eject Mr. Compton from her state formally, his 'apology' is coming in the form of his Louisiana holdings; notably, his Bon Temps properties and accounts."

"DO _what!?"_

The daemon chuckled and handed over a file. "Compton Manor and its sizable tract of land, a pair of strip malls near Baton Rouge and his condo that was recently closed on here in the city. His 3 local bank accounts have nominal balances and we can either close out those accounts to give you the funds or transfer them to your name. He also had a couple a vehicles. An Enclave as well as the Caddie Sedan he took to Bon Temps."

"The queen is giving me all the stuff he has in Louisiana because he fed from me?"

A simple nod.

"Shit, Eric… _**you**_ hungry?"

I couldn't help but laugh at the fool. "If you're offering, then it wouldn't pay off for you."

He chuckled in turn. "What do you think 'bout all this?"

I 'called' Pam and asked her to take Mr. Cataliades to the kitchen for some refreshments to spare the man of hearing the longer explanation that would normally not be required.

"It's weird." I was quickly coming to understand that he used the statement instead of admitting that he was flummoxed… and the squirrels weren't helping.

"It's simple… Did you watch the OJ trial?"

"Yeah. _You did_?"

"Pam. She was convinced that OJ is a… never mind. Yes. I saw enough of it. Not only was there the criminal aspect, but there was a civil trial as well. Bill has already been found guilty of being a complete moron and disappointment to his queen. This settlement is the civil… his recompense for injuring you."

"What the hell am I gonna do with all of it though?"

"Whatever you like. It's yours once you sign."

"But I don't… I mean having a cushion in my bank account would be nice, but… I don't need the houses or the cars…"

"You _do_ need one of them."

"Huh?"

"You were in an accident, remember?"

"Oh shit! My truck?"

"Your insurance company will send you a check in a couple of weeks. You'd have been free to borrow your sister's car in the interim. Otherwise, you'd have been forced to explain that you'd been glamoured, abducted and fed from."

"Is it totaled?"

"Yes. You hit a large deer and rolled into a ditch…"

He whimpered.

"…The severity was the only way to explain your 'coma'. A fender bender only would have worked if you could immediately return to work. The more 'harsh' injury allowed you the time to stay and see Hadley. Your mood might change when you see the Enclave. It's an excellent vehicle."

He huffed, "You think Gran would like the Caddie?"

"Possibly. I would have gotten her a crossover type of car to make it easier for her to get in and out of. She has difficulties with my Corvette and my Escalade… Sookie refused new cars though."

An evil grin took over his face. "You met Maxine, right… Her skin'll crawl to see Gran drive up in a Caddie." He might not be as insufferable as I thought. Just unrefined.

"Be careful. Someone might think vampires are rubbing off on you."

"Aw, hell… that woman's been bragging about everything she gets and does as long as I can remember. Last year she stopped by to show off her new vacuum because Gran won't replace her ole Kirby. She's just prideful. _And nasty about it_."

"Sookie is very excited to be making enough money to spoil Adele a bit; pay her back for all she's done for the two of you… If nothing else, you could sell off the properties and be able to enjoy the same."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Is this normal? I mean so much for a few pints of blood?"

"No. Not at all. I'm sure there are many factors that explain why the queen is being so generous."

"Like?"

"To start, you're Hadley's cousin. In addition, you're Sookie's brother. You and Adele are being extended formal protection because of her interest in keeping them content. When you take into consideration that Compton not only failed her, but betrayed her, you are benefiting from the example being made of him. At best, a victim like you would be glamoured to forget it all. When he is expelled from the state, the items in his cache would be forfeited to the queen anyway so that he'd have no excuse to return to the Queendom."

"Shit… Y'all are old school." I smiled at his understatement.

"Considering we're both over a thousand years old, we're pretty forward thinking. If this had happened as little as a hundred years ago, he'd have been publically executed for treason."

"Damn! That 'old'?... Cradle robber."

While Jason nearly shit in his pants finding out that his bank account would soon exceed double his yearly salary, I asked Mr. Cataliades to courier a package to Andre. I sent Pam to retrieve the knob's 'uniform' and wrote the note to accompany it…

"_Andre, _

_In the interest of not exterminating the prick, I'm not interested in having Compton return to my area with my party. My primary reason would be my resistance to provide the transportation he needs to be so close to Sookie that he might fulfill his threat._

_Since the Queen intends to expel him from the state, I was hoping you'd be interested in a little fun before we leave for Shreveport. The package includes what Bill would have worn to wait tables at Fangtasia (including something to help tidy him up a bit). Sookie suggested that since you are low on staff at the moment, Bill could prove himself useful during the reception. _

_If you and Majesty find my suggestion to be exceedingly garish, I do understand, but I thought you might enjoy taking part in my brand of 'torture'. _

_Eric"_

Just as I was finishing the note, Jason was being handed a copy of his settlement, titles and deeds… and Pam sashayed into the room holding a bag and wearing a smile that might as well come with a pitchfork.

She took each item out of the bag, holding it out or removing it from the packaging to display… Jason and the daemon were near hysterics by the time she'd completed her 'show and tell', making it nearly impossible for me to seem calm.

If Andre had any sense of humor at all, tonight was going to be far more entertaining than the usual events held at the palace.

Now the only issue would be not laughing hard enough to keep me from dancing with Sookie.

With that settled, we went our separate ways to dress for the evening.

By the time I reached our room, Pam was ready and helping Sookie with her hair in the bathroom… the two of them were prattling compliments back and forth about their dresses and shoes.

I only noticed Pam's dress enough to be grateful that I'd gotten light pink diamonds for her. She might take a second to be appreciative since they wouldn't clash with her bright pink sheath.

The sky blue gown that Sookie was wearing was much more reminiscent of her little slip than I could have hoped…

Plunging neckline.

Open back.

Spaghetti straps.

Hugging her curves until it broke away over her hips to allow her plenty of movement for dancing.

Long enough that it would drag the floor if it weren't for the heel on her sandals.

Striking enough to make me hard as well as hope to make it through the evening until we could return for playtime…

The two of them finally asked about the lawyer's visit while I pulled on my blue pinstripe suit and laughed at the idea of Jason being a 'land baron'.

…And I found myself sitting in the chair of our room, waiting for the primping (and pleasant conversation) to be over.

Not only was Sookie enjoying the ability to befriend someone whose thoughts wouldn't rattle about in her own mind, but Pam was truly enjoying the camaraderie.

Sookie finally crossed the room to stand over me with a shy grin on her lips…

"What do you think? Not bad for a pudgy, white trash waitress, right?" The amount of derision she'd suffered galled me.

"Sookie… '_Not bad'_ for Grace Kelly. You look marvelous."

Pam smiled from behind her. "She polishes up nicely, not that there was much tarnish to start with."

I stood, holding the bag from the jeweler and Pam tried to snatch it from me like a greedy child. "What makes you think any of this is yours?"

She folded her arms, fixing her pouting stance. "Because if all of that is for Sookie, you'd have to hide from her." Fair point.

I pulled the velvet boxes containing her necklace, bracelet and earrings and tossed them into the air one at a time… Sookie laughed at the sight as Pam scattered about the room in the snug dress and heels to catch them all. "_**There**_. Now go away."

She snickered as she greedily sped from the room with her 'Manna from heaven'…

Balancing Pam's indulgent behavior was the obvious reluctance Sookie was oozing. "I'm going to need to brace myself, aren't I?"

"You should have been already. I warned you a while ago."

"I told you that I'm not into 'flashy'."

I nodded, pulling her platinum and sapphire cuff from its box to put it around her wrist in place of her more modest tennis bracelet. "That is why I had your hatchback cleaned instead of replaced with a Benz… and why I'm having your house repainted instead of buying a house for you in my neighborhood."

She studied her wrist impressively as I reached into the bag for her choker. "It's beautiful, but I... I don't want you to think I want this. I don't… This had to cost a fortune."

I stepped behind her, knowing that she meant every word… _Basking_ in that realness. "My Sookie, soon you will be able to distinguish between the concept of cost and _worth_. There is price and there is _value_."

She sighed as she turned to let me fasten her necklace. "I wouldn't ever… it's so extravagant… I…"

"I want you to adjust."

"Adjust? I'm practically wearing a new car."

I chuckled. I hadn't gotten to her earrings yet and she was already 'wearing' a Porsche. "I don't expect you to behave like Pam. You're simply not the type. What I want you to adjust to is that you are worth this. Some women wear these things and it's painfully clear that they are hoping no one will notice the insignificant mannequin underneath… The rarity is finding a woman who outshines even the most lavish of adornments. You are _distinctive_ and _important_ and _worthy_ of having and wearing nice things. _Adjust_."

I lifted her hand to place her earrings in it and somehow she managed to smile and frown simultaneously while she pushed them through her ears. "You're the sweetest asshole I've ever met, you know that?"

I shrugged. "I try."

She giggled. "How am I supposed to thank you though?" Her acceptance was thanks enough considering her initial reaction to the 'punishment'…

"I'm fine with a kiss."

"An alternative to that? Pam would open fire with a staple gun if my makeup gets ruined."

I stopped resisting, stepping closer and kissing her neck to linger at her ear. "How about… _your panties_."

She snickered against my neck. "Try again."

I nibbled down, letting my fang nick her and stealing a taste that made us both shudder. "It's the only thing I can think of at the moment."

She shifted to my throat and began dragging her teeth, licking. Scraping. Sighing. Her hand found the front of my pants to start making me pay for starting something we couldn't finish and just as I was about to stop her, she pulled away and wiped her lipstick away from my neck with something soft…

…and then handed it to me…

Her panties.

Her delicate, pale blue silk panties.

She whispered, "Happy now?"


	22. Chapter 22

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 22**

**The Best Medicine**

I stood there, unable to form words…

She'd actually given me her panties?

They sat in my hand, still warm from her body heat and without lifting them, I could smell her traces.

She'd actually given me her panties?

I'd had more than a few (hundreds actually) undergarments shoved at me, 'accidently' left in my office and car… mailed to the bar…

Clean and used.

All sizes and colors and styles…

But the idea of Sookie's panties being surrendered to me with so little effort…

The first pair I'd actually asked for…

Fuck. I was going to be hard all night.

_All fucking night._

She'd fixed her lipstick and left our room with a wink before I managed to break the stupor her 'gift' had caused.

The wink: her cheeky way of letting me know she enjoyed what she'd done to me.

She was welcome to it.

Finally calmed down, I could hear Sookie complimenting Pam's jewelry downstairs as I knocked, and entered Adele's room.

Jason was fighting with his tie, but otherwise looked nothing like a man that has the intellectual capacity of a small rodent. The surprisingly well fitted suit almost served as a costume since he could be mistaken as a professional.

Since Hadley was helping Adele pull back her hair into a modest bun, I took pity on the 'Special Olympian'.

"Give it to me before you wrinkle it."

He actually looked grateful as he handed it to me. "I never have a reason to wear one. Our church is really casual so even when I go…"

Adele interrupted. "Which isn't often enough."

He groaned, "_Even though I don't go often enough,_ the pastor is the only guy in a suit."

I used my own neck, not willing to 'reach around', to quickly tie his tie and hand it back to him. "I wear them often enough to know I prefer being… more unfettered."

Jason slipped his tie over his head, squinting as he tried to think _and_ straighten his collar. It looked like he was in pain. "Last time I wore one… Hell, I guess it was back when Uncle Bartlett took us to get that portrait made, right Gran… I was like 12, 13 I guess."

Just the mention of the name changed the set of Adele's shoulders… more so, Hadley visibly twitched and seemed to be doing her best to hide that her fangs had run out. It was the first time I saw even the slightest of similarities between her and Sookie. They shared the same sickened and haunted expression at the thought of the man.

Knowing that Bartlett's comeuppance was already on the way, and wanting to enjoy a lighter evening, I made an attempt to overlook his mention… "Used to it or not, the suit looks good on you. Paulette did a remarkable job having you fitted."

He thanked me for the compliment while I pulled the first of Adele's boxes from the jeweler's bag on the dresser… Her necklace.

She eyed me carefully as I reached around to clasp the delicate gold chain that played host to an adequate princess cut solitaire pendant. "_What. are. you. doing?_ Like this dress and all the rest of…"

"Hush... I'm just gilding a lily."

She smiled at me. "Well, thank you. _It's beautiful_."

I couldn't help myself. I went to the door and called out to Pam, "It's remarkable! I just gave jewelry to a woman and didn't have to worry about my safety. I was actually _thanked_!"

Pam's 'go fuck yourself' and Sookie's 'bite me' was only heard by Hadley and she started laughing. "You've got your hands full with those two."

"Yes, I do." I was fine with the idea… I'd be happier to have an actual handful of Sookie (or two, maybe a mouthful), but the Sookie 'sampler' in my pocket would be fine for now.

I removed the gold chain bracelet from the box and held it out to fasten it. Adele smiled as she studied the charms. A fleur de leis, an open book, a small ghost and a medieval cross…

"Awww, the renaissance cross is my favorite one. Thank you."

I couldn't help but smile. "You're very welcome."

"Will you take me again next year?"

"Absolutely not. I've thought of a way to escape that experience. Next year I will conveniently have planned a trip to Rome for us."

She gasped. "You will do no such thing! You don't have to go to the fair."

"Adele, if you want to go to the renaissance fair, _I will_ accompany you to the renaissance fair. But… if you want history, you'll get much more of it seeing the Circus Maximus, perhaps even a side trip to Pompeii..."

She actually bit her lip in her attempt to not look excited.

"…Of course, Pam will be but a shadow. She'll ignore us all to indulge her oniomania at Via del Corso."

She laughed. "If, I'm only saying '_if' _we go, you should cancel her credit cards ahead of time and have new ones issued, just not give them to her until she tries to use the lame ones." Precious. _Absolutely priceless_.

I started laughing. "You're brilliant. I'll have to get you to help me for her birthday. After a couple hundred years, I'm starting to run out of ideas. I gave up last year and just bought her wish list."

"When is it?"

"October."

"You could have a lot of fun buying her shoes and earrings. Anything that comes in pairs… Hide one of them. Like give her a shoe box with one shoe and a riddle to help her find the other one. Or a wallet with a riddle to help her find the matching bag." _Utterly perfect_… and timeless… I could do exactly that year after year after year...

Since Hadley was finally done with Adele's hair, I kissed the mastermind's forehead. "That's it. I'm buying more books so that you don't ever want to go back to Bon Temps."

We were both still laughing as I handed her earring box to her. Jason had a sudden idea that seemed to take him as much by surprise as the rest of us. "Rice."

We all stared, waiting for him to clarify if he was hungry or… I was starting to think that 'rice' might have actually been a complete thought for him…

He shook his head. "Y'all vampires have great eye sight, right?"

Hadley and I nodded, waiting on the edge of our figurative seats for 'this' to have some fruition…

"I had a friend go to some theme park and get a necklace for his girlfriend. Her name was Stephanie. Pretty long name, but somehow this lady managed to fit it on a grain of rice… You could write her scavenger hunt clues on rice and then hide them all over. Hell, you could make her find the different pieces of rice and then unscramble them to find the actual thing she's looking for… Is that thing about not being able to go into houses without an invite true?"

I nodded, smiling… liking where he was going…

He chuckled. "Then you could give her _**A**_shoe with her first piece of rice that leads to the next present and piece of rice… include some folks' houses… Oooh, I bet you could get a night attendant to let you hide a piece of rice in '_a car'_ at a dealership. That might keep her busy for a while. You could… drill a hole into '_a pumpkin_' as a hiding place and send her to a pumpkin patch… since her birthday is in October and all." Then she'd have to ruin her nail polish digging it out.

Beautiful.

Adele slapped his chest. "That's mean… You need to stop it!"

I put my arm over his shoulders and started leading him the door. "Nooo, Adele. _**He needs**_ a pen and notebook so he can take notes as the ideas come to him…"

While we rode to the palace, I caught myself wondering what squirrels 'like'.

Jason's deserved a treat.

I was too amused and decided to get some business out of the way since the ladies were fawning over each other's appearances and Jason was happily scribbling notes like a child making a wish list. The whole family was proving themselves to be more useful than I ever could have imagined.

_Bobby,_

_Your lack of communication makes me wonder how dedicated you are to your job. If you feel as though you are above a daily status report to the employer that pays you too much as it is, perhaps you should give notice._

_Until I have your resignation, __your days belong to me__. Your errands are as follows:_

_There are several houses for sale in my neighborhood. Buy one. It should have no less than 4 bedrooms and occupy one of the larger lots. Pay cash and close immediately. If it has a pool, have a childproof barrier installed. Attend to all of the requisite utilities, including the cable service and a wifi installation. _

_Purchase a Lexus RX with all of the options. If it doesn't already have a GPS system, have one installed. Register it under the name of Paulette Simonette with the DMV. Her relevant information is in my employee files. Leave the SUV in my driveway._

_Purchase an iPhone and add it to my plan._

_Purchase a top of the line laptop and all of the accessories. Leave it on my kitchen counter with the phone. _

_Take the ball gags from Pam's home. Wrap them individually and leave them with the other items on my kitchen counter. I'll parcel them out as needed at a later date instead._

_Contact Smythe to let him know I've hired a new welder and to expect a call from him this week about his employment information. Porter Simonette._

_Collect an assortment of travel guides for Rome, Italy. Include highlighters and Post-It tabs. Gift wrap it and leave it on the desk in the library. DON'T leave it in the kitchen. I'm not amused by the idea of an 82 year old woman's reaction to inadvertently opening a ball-gag._

_Mrs. Stackhouse will be making a grocery list to be sent to you tomorrow since we will return in the evening. I expect for her list items to be appropriately stored._

_I'm losing my patience for you. This is your last warning. I expect daily reports. _

_I __**always**__ expect them, even if the only thing you have to report is that you have nothing to fucking report. _

_If you continue to insist on sucking at your job, then you'll have to find someone else to suck for._

_I'll provide the knee pads._

_What have I told you about being a fucking asshole?_

_E. Northman._

I only interrupted the chatter around me to ask Sookie if she had any chores for Bobby.

She grinned and gently took the phone from me to see if my list made her think of anything.

She gasped immediately. "_YOU'RE HAVING HIM HELP… REPLACE HIMSELF!?_"

I smiled proudly. "Yes, I am."

She laughed, "You're _wicked_!"

"Thank you. Can you think of anything else for his list?"

"Uh… He should pick up your dry cleaning and replace, or at least _dispose of_, the rug and couch in your office… oh, and make sure there are plenty of Fangtasia applications for the horde. When Long Shadow dug out the one I used, it didn't look like there were many left."

I was typing Sookie's additions to the list when she thought of something else.

"Flood."

"What about him?"

"You said you were going to call him, right? His 'guys' can help audition your prospective bartenders too. I can't do it by myself. You'd have to pour me into bed when we get home… You should call him tonight before it gets too late. Give him some notice." It didn't escape me that she'd referred to returning to my house as getting home… and it finally occurred to me that I knew why I noticed… I enjoyed it. I liked how comfortable she felt with me.

Then… there wasn't much that I didn't like about Sookie and hopefully she'd be easily broken of those few inclinations that irritated me… starting with her surprisingly low self worth.

I smiled at her as I sent Bobby's email and dialed 'the Colonel'. It only took a moment to arrange to have a few Weres attend the interviews…

Flood actually mentioned that I'd caught him on his way to bed… and that he was surprised that I called him ahead of time.

…And there would be another reason to be appreciative of Sookie… Since my position gives me absolute dominion, I can call any vampire in my area and have them drop everything at a moment's notice. Even a Packmaster as respected as Flood would have had difficulties gathering his pack with short notice. I'd have thought nothing of calling him when I rose on Thursday night… and the conversation would have gone much differently.

Over the many years I'd been in Sophie-Ann's service, I'd been to her various palaces hundreds of times. Each time a different page in a colorfully garish uniform would usher me to her for whatever was my purpose. This week, and only this week, our usher had been Andre. Ever since Sophie-Ann discovered the breadth of Sookie's ability, Sookie had been collected by the Lieutenant. _The royal treatment_. Tonight was no different.

The usual mockery swathed servants were waiting, flanking the open doors and greeting guests to direct them to the ballroom. But Andre was waiting just inside the entrance and seemingly… just for our party.

He gave a genial nod and directed Hadley to escort Adele and Jason to the ballroom, then nodded to have the rest of us follow him…

Sookie, Pam, and I shared a look as Andre closed the doors to the throne room behind us.

"We have company."

His opening lines tended to be infuriatingly vague… "As in a War Of The Worlds sort of company or a Guess Who's Coming To Dinner guest?"

He snarled at my flippancy. "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner. Atop of all of his failures, Bill Compton is a whiner too."

I snorted. "He called his maker?" Pam started laughing quietly at my shoulder.

"She chartered a flight to get here while she rested. She was here at first dark. Pacing and snapping until the queen could see her."

"So… he 'called'. She came. If she were simply in attendance, you wouldn't feel the need to mention it."

"She's angered that we'd be punishing Compton so severely. She'd nearly talked herself into identical circumstances when Mr. Cataliades arrived with _my gift_."

"Has she been informed fully?"

"Lorena hasn't been informed… _at all_. She was still spouting threats and dropping names when Sophie-Ann and I were distracted. When the queen was done laughing at your note, Lorena was invited to attend this evening and told she's welcome to have Compton back afterwards… Whose idea was that?"

I gave nods to my partners in crime. "It was a team effort."

The corners of his mouth turned up slightly before he caught himself. "Nice team. The banana body wash was a nice touch too."

When we were escorted into the ballroom, it stopped.

In a room with more than 200 vampires, every conversation came to a screeching halt as we were led to be greeted by Sophie-Ann.

Sophie-Ann surprised me, nodding more deeply than I had. She took Sookie's hand, smiling brightly. "You look amazing tonight, my little friend."

I could feel Sookie's blush. "Thank you majesty, but Pam did all of the work. I _love_ your dress. That purple makes your eyes sparkle."

Sophie-Ann's smile became a smirk. "I'm flattered, but I just wore what my maid left out for me. I wasn't in a preening mood this evening."

Sookie leaned forward, closer than I was comfortable with and whispered, "I'm very sorry for your loss."

The queen leaned away slightly, her smile diminished but still in place. "Yes, well… While I appreciate your condolences, it's all for the best. Yes?"

I worried for a second, feeling the challenging echo that Sookie usually experiences just before she tells me 'bullshit', but she nodded rather than mention how upset the queen was.

Once released by the queen to enjoy the reception, we joined the table where Adele and Jason had already been seated.

Jason had leaned over to ask if there were _any_ humans in the room. I had to explain that the pets and donors were enjoying their own party in another room. I chose to gloss over that they were specifically in the 'dining room'. There were only a handful of 'living' beings in the room including the Stackhouses and a few of the more influential Weres… counting Quinn, who was actively leering at Sookie.

Since Jason was seated across from me, his sudden, braying laughter took me by surprise.

When I turned around to see the cause, I found my own amusement nearly impossible to curtail. I know I was smiling, but it wasn't possible to dial myself back any further.

Wybert was standing just a few feet away from me in a suit, with the most spectacular sight…

Bill.

When Pam noticed her handy work, she howled with laughter while she pulled her cell phone out to take a picture…

Her wardrobe choices for him, while inspired, hadn't been seen in full context.

White. All white. From his platform, knee high boots… to his fishnets and lace garter and panties… beyond his vinyl corset to his tiara and lacy veil… _It was outstanding!_

And as the laughter at our table spread through the room like a contagion, I couldn't help myself… "Bill, I was under the impression that such parades were held in June."

He ran his fangs out and leaned over, getting pulled back into place by the hulking Saxon behind him. "I _**will**_…" The sound of Wybert's sword being unsheathed ended his attempt to threaten me. "…This is an example of what happens when one embarrasses the Queen of Louisiana or challenges her Sheriff. I am an insufferable idiot and I'll be your server for the evening."

Wybert grumbled through his grin, "Do it."

After Bill rolled his eyes, he reluctantly curtsied. It was monumentally hilarious and a special touch that I'd have to thank Andre for later.

I looked over to Adele, who was actively crying through her laughing fit. "Adele, would you care for a drink?"

"_Oh boy_, would I!? I'll need something to settle me down. If I keep on like this, my heart will give up… I'll just have a glass of red wine, please."

I gave Jason a nod so that he could take his turn.

He stopped laughing enough to scowl at Bill. "I'll have a whiskey and coke, but only if the bottles _**don't mind**_!" Pam actually congratulated him for his resentful dig by patting his knee.

When I looked to Sookie, for her drink order, she started shaking her head. "Don't look at me. I'm not asking him for a damn thing… _God only knows_ what kind of tip he'd want."

It just kept getting better.

When Bill turned to leave, I called him back. "Bill, are you not going to take Pam's drink order, or mine?"

He barked, "Why would you need…"

Wybert growled, reminding him of his script.

"What can I get for you Miss Ravenscroft?"

"Bent."

The humorless fuck seemed confused. "Excuse me?"

Pam rolled her eyes and huffed. "You. Can. Get. Bent. I understand it's called a penile fracture formally, but you can just get bent."

He still didn't seem to get the joke that even Wybert grasped and turned to me. "The bar doesn't have Sookie on tap like you do, so what would you like?"

I smiled at him. I won. "I can't put my finger on why, but I'm in the mood for something fruity. I'll have a Banana Colada."

"Why would you…? _**Fuck you**_."

"Heavy on the bananas."

Pam laughed, "Oooh, that sounds divine… I'll have one too."

He stared at me for a moment; everything he wanted to say was no doubt hitting a dam of threats/promises regarding his behavior.

He turned to leave, but Wybert grumbled again for him to 'do it'.

I turned, expecting him to curtsy again…

But when Bill wiggled his bunny tail ass plug before stomping away, I finally let myself laugh… _like I could hold back anymore_.

Sookie gasped, "Pam! Is that… I thought that was for you!"

Pam laughed as she started sending the image of Bill's shame to every vampire in her phone's memory, including mine.

The message read: 'Bill Compton challenged Eric Northman. Any questions?'

When the small band began playing something less somber than a funeral march, I invited Sookie to the dance floor and Jason surprised us all by being a gentleman and leading his grandmother to 'cut a rug'.

Sookie smiled, as I put my arm behind her back and took her hand in mine. "This is fun."

"Sookie, you're a walking meal for 200 inhabitants of this room, and you're having fun?"

"I've never been in a room this full and not gotten a migraine from keeping my shields up, so yeah, I'm having fun… You know, curiosity is getting to me, right?"

"I do. What is it in regards to?"

"The bananas."

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"I'll probably regret it, but I can't help myself."

"Pam likened Bill to a gorilla and then we amused ourselves at his expense during his speech. I arranged to have bananas delivered to him here, knowing that he'd be reporting to Sophie-Ann. Andre used them in his punishment..."

She giggled. "That's enough. No more details."

"Are you sure? I think it's funny that Andre used them to…"

"Eh, some things are better left to the imagination." So says the little human whose hot little panties were burning a hole in my pocket… Imagination can be a bad thing too…

I leaned into her ear. "And some things are better while spread out and bared to be enjoyed."

She hummed against my neck. "We aren't talking about bananas anymore, are we?"

I pulled her closer. "_I'm_ certainly not."

"Then we're talking about when you finally get me out of this dress."

"Since that's all you're wearing, yes."

"So we're talking about when we can sneak away and I can wrap my warm legs around your cool waist. When you can make me moan and pant and beg for more until you bite me and we both fall apart at the seams. Is that what we're talking about?" I was at a loss for words, but that was indeed what I was looking forward to.

I growled against her neck, my fangs bared and waiting, begging for the escape lingering just under her skin. "If you continue, I might not wait."

She whimpered, "I wouldn't mention it at all if I wasn't dying to be in bed with you… have you on top of me…" I wanted to hear more… I needed to get her back to the house…

I groaned, "Later."

Her chuckle vibrated the side of my neck. "You started it."

"You gave me your panties. _You_ started it."

"Hmmm. You asked for them."

"Is that all it takes?"

"Maybe."

"Then why don't we find a quiet room somewhere?"

She giggled again, letting her warmth cascade over my neck. "Don't be greedy. I'm not _quite_ ready for the public thing yet."

"It's in my nature to be greedy… and can I feel how much you want to."

She breathed, "Want to _what_?"

The temptation to answer her was too much. "How much you want to fuck. How much you want to feel me slide into you, push into you, ride you… I can feel it. You want to feel me inside of you, feel my mouth on those fabulous breasts of yours… You want it so much that I can almost feel your sweat against my skin. _You want it_."

I was answered with nothing more than the heat of her flush and her attempts to calm her ragged breaths until the song was over.

…But neither of us had unruffled ourselves enough.

As I led Sookie back to the table where Pam was still gleefully texting like a teen mall crawler, we were headed off.

Lorena stepped directly in my path and seemed to be sizing me up…

"I understand that you're the reason for my child's humiliation."

"If you say so." I tried to sidestep, tucking Sookie behind me, but Lorena didn't have enough sense to back down.

"I'm not amused by his punishment. I should have been called to handle it myself."

"And what, pray tell, did he tell you he's being punished for?"

"For claiming your inbred blood bag over there."

"Then you should torture him until he reveals his full list of imprudent decisions since he arrived in Louisiana. Excuse us."

"How dare you tell me how to punish my own child!"

"How dare _**I**_? Your child is obviously no more ready to be weaned from your tit than he was the day he rose. His punishment is a price he is paying for your failure as his maker."

Her move was sudden and meant to intimidate me, but her instant appearance less than an inch from my face with her fangs drawn was the last straw.

I used a handful of her dark hair to put her into the floor face down, grinding my knee into her back and uncaring of the scene it caused.

"Where are you, Lorena?"

"Not in area 5." The insane whore had no idea of what a fool she was making of herself… and advertizing it, no less. And it only proved that her 'bad apple' didn't fall far from the tree.

I pressed her face further into the floor, enjoying the crunch that was her cheekbone. "Where are you?"

She grunted trying to free herself. "Louisiana."

"Whose home are you in?"

"The queen's."

"Your child's punishment has occurred under this roof. Not mine. Are you questioning the queen?"

"Yes…"

The room had gone still and for a moment… I thought that it had been Sookie to say my name, until I heard it the second time…

It had been the queen.

"Yes majesty?"

"Bring her to me, if you don't mind Sheriff."

Lorena's resistance was a futile battle that resulted in a large clump of Lorena's hair staying in my hand when I put her to her knees in front of the queen, but she was delivered in spite of her best efforts.

She was trembling on her knees as the Bert's flanked my position behind Lorena with their swords drawn and resting on her shoulders.

Not only was I called to stand behind the queen, but Sookie was as well…

Sophie-Ann had only taken a moment to decide on combining Lorena's open correction with her declaration of my ownership of the Stackhouse family and extended royal protection… and why…

The queen described in great detail what Bill had planned and continued to explain Sookie's aid over the past few days, his eyes never leaving Sookie as the Queen made his idiocy public… and further sentenced Bill and Lorena to a week's vacation with Andre and their joint banishment from her realm once their torture was over. But by then, word would have spread to every kingdom in North America… Their only recourse would be for them to take asylum in Nevada, Arkansas or on another continent.

As Andre and the Berts escorted Lorena and the knob back to his little dungeon, Pam sped past us to catch up to them.

When I pulled Sookie's chair out, she sat gracelessly and breathed out a deep sigh.

Instead of asking about her mood I probed, finding a surprising quantity of lust remaining from our '_discussion'_ on the dance floor as well as how nerve-racking her presentation into vampire society had been.

She sat quietly and sipped from the monstrosity of a drink I'd ordered and subsequently moved on to relieve Pam of hers just before she returned much pinker than she had been before.

Pam joined the table wearing a wicked smirk and gingerly setting a paper bag under the table. "I didn't want anything to happen to his outfit. I plan on mounting it to the wall in Fangtasia."

Sookie giggled. "You should have it put in a shadowbox… include a picture of him in it… You know, so new arrivals get the hint."

Pam cackled. "I like the way you think, my little friend."

Sookie smiled impishly behind the bright pink straw of her pilfered drink… and then the onslaught began…

Over the next hour, nearly every vampire in the room approached our table…

Some to show appreciation for Sookie's service…

Some to kiss my ass in an attempt to gain Sookie's help for whatever reason…

One vampire just seemed to want to be close enough to Sookie to smell her… He was quickly bullied away with a simple use of fangs.

Our last visitors were Andre and Hadley. He asked the table to follow him.

He led us to the main entrance to the palace where a car was waiting.

Sookie turned to him with a quizzical grin. "Andre, are you throwing us out?"

"No Miss Stackhouse, Hadley was concerned that Mrs. Stackhouse might be tired. I was sent to rescue you all from the networking horde that was raining down on your table."

"Aww. I could hug you."

He put his hand up. "Let's not get carried away. It was Sophie-Ann's idea."

She stepped back and gave him a faux stern expression. "Of course. Then tell her we are very grateful for the exit strategy."

"Certainly. She wants to see you off tomorrow evening. We'll be picking you up for the airport at 10 if that's acceptable."

I gave him a grateful nod. "Most welcome. Thank you."

Once back at the house, and my sights set on the door at the top of the stairs… Sookie's hands were already tugging me towards our objective when Hadley asked for a moment alone with me. _Fuuuuuck_!

All I wanted was to spend the next few hours with Sookie…

I had less than a good humor about me when we stepped outside and started walking down the street.

"What's this about?"

"I'm sorry. I know you're not in the mood to deal with me…"

"Hadley."

"Right. I know I don't have the right to ask… You've already done so much… but with everything that's happened over the last couple of weeks I've started to worry… I talked to Sophie-Ann about it and everything, so…"

"Hadley, you're rambling."

She stopped walking to face me and took a deep and unnecessary breath. "Can you watch out for my son?" _Excuse me?_

"You have a son? Why is it that your family doesn't know?"

"I don't know what you've been told, but the last time I saw them, I was in a bad way. I was a… a junkie."

"_That_, I know. Continue."

"I went on like that for another year or so before I started missing them again. I didn't want to go home all fucked up like I had the last time so I got into a program and met a guy when I got a straight job. I loved him. He was so good to me… But I'd told him about my past with drugs and… he watched me like a hawk and it only made me want to go back to it. Rebellious streak, I guess."

"That seems to be a family trait."

She nodded. "Anyway, Remy and me had a fight and I actually went out to try and find… anything… But I stopped myself and just decided to leave him… I ended up meeting Sophie-Ann through a friend that was a pet of Waldo's. I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant… I was Sophie-Ann's pet and we weren't planning on me coming over until… the delivery went bad."

"So you have a three year old son. Why would you think he needs my protection?"

She started crying and tried in vain to collect herself. Finally she choked, "I think he's like Sookie." _Uh oh._

"Why is that?"

"Andre and the Berts are the only ones who know… Andre has been checking on him with Remy and glamouring him to forget the visits, but… Remy said that Hunter had another sitter quit because… well, as soon as he could talk he would finish sentences and answer questions that didn't get asked out loud."

"You think he might eventually be in danger?"

She nodded. "The thing is… I confronted Sophie-Ann about her real reason for sending the knob to scope out my family. She… She wanted to see if my mom would be open to raising Hunter since Gran could guide her after raising Sookie. Sookie's ability just sweetened the pot for her. The vampire acceptance thing is a plus because I might be able to visit him once in a while, you know as extended family… but… with Mommy gone… I… I'd want Sookie to raise him. I know how miserable and alone she was growing up. I don't want that for him." I couldn't think of a single thing to say…

"What a twist."

She snorted out a laugh past her tears, but kept her pleading gaze on me.

"Hadley, do you know where these gifts come from? Do you have any special abilities?"

"I'm like Jason… I just have the allure…" I was fucking right.

"Fae."

She nodded. "Andre tasted it right away. We went over and over the family tree. No clue where it came from. The only thing we know is that it isn't from Gran because she'd smell like Fae if she were 2 generations more Fae than us. And with everyone else being gone… You know." That was not a conversation I was interested in starting at the moment.

"So, you want my pet to raise your telepathic son. How do you propose to get him away from your husband?"

"Andre is planning on glamouring him. That's his thing. It's more than the usual thing. More like brainwashing. And Mr. C will push through the adoption as fast as he can."

"And if Sookie and Adele agree to raise him you intend to visit as what? the cousin?"

She giggled. "I guess that would kind of make you like a stepfather, but yeah. I know Sookie's going to be traveling and stuff a lot, especially after the way your ass got spit-shined after the announcement… But he's not in school yet and Sookie might think it's better to home school him anyway. She seems so much happier… You know, with you… She doesn't have to hide her gift. Hell, Jason and I already talked about what assholes we were to her because _we_ didn't even understand… can you imagine how much happier she'd have been if she knew there were others like her?"

I grumbled. "A Baptist on Sunday."

"Huh?"

"That's what Sookie tells me when I jokingly try to give her a guilt trip."

She giggled, "Oh, I wasn't trying, but is it working?"

I chuckled. It was all I could do to not pull my hair out, wait for it to grow back and pull it out again. "And the queen is accepting of this?"

She nodded and started walking back towards the house. "Only if you are. She knows that it will be a strain on you, your relationship with Sookie. She can tell that she's more than a pet to you like I was for her."

"I'll talk to them."

"Not tonight!" She looked as though she wanted to be as far from the conversation as possible.

"No. I have other plans for the rest of the night. I'll speak to them about it on the plane tomorrow. Everything is bolted down."

She laughed for a moment before she became more serious. "I'm sorry…"

For a second, I thought that she should be. She should be very sorry… but I'd be lying if I said that I wouldn't do anything to keep Sookie safe. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't bother me that her childhood was described with heavy eyes. I would do something to undo that for Sookie if I was capable… and this was Hadley's _actual_ child.

She took my silence as something other than just casual consideration and continued, "…I know it'll put off turning her and all… I'll understand, so will Sophie-Ann if you don't want to get involved in this."

"At the moment, it wouldn't affect our plans."

"You _aren't_ turning her?"

"We're bonding. She's still only considering being turned. It would only happen if there was no other option."

"So… you were being quiet. Are you thinking that they won't want to or that you don't want the complication?"

"I'm just thinking. I don't believe you have to worry about them wanting to take him in."

"Then you don't want to deal with a baby."

"It's not that. In fact, with our hours, their care of him wouldn't affect me much at all. I was already planning on insisting that Adele travel with us for Sookie's work. Using sightseeing as a snare to not leave her alone. With Sookie, Adele and the guard, a child wouldn't make much impact. One more suitcase."

"So… You aren't against the idea?"

"Even if I were, it still makes sense to have him in the care of someone who knows too well how to care for him." This may be the first time I would regret being pragmatic.

"He might end up liking you… a quiet mind and all."

"Wouldn't that be laughable."

"Not really. You seem like you're just as good at putting bitches into the floor as you are at making old ladies smile. Besides… you're already dealing with Jason just fine. He's got the mind of a three year old."

As I trudged up the stairs, I found myself concerned over Sookie's reaction… the instant pity she would feel for the child who would be all but stolen from his father so that he could be raised by someone who knows about his ability enough to nurture it rather than stifle it.

Adele would most likely have nothing but happiness with the idea of being a great grandmother… Certainly something she wouldn't normally have a claim to… since Sookie is mine and a condom is the most complicated thing Jason had mastered the use of.

When I entered our room, it was still.

Sookie wasn't in the bed, but there was an all too enticing glow sneaking through the crack left in the bathroom's doorway…

Scented steam wafting into my senses…

The moment I stepped in, Sookie's peaceful face was swept with a broad smile. She'd lit dozens of tiny candles and spread them over every surface of the room.

Her eyes still closed.

Her arms on the sides of the tub… the only thing that remained on her body was the ring she'd asked me to not buy.

The water's surface was covered with vanilla scented bubbles.

"What took you so long?"

"Did you miss me?"

"Always."

"How much?"

"Enough that you might have a hissy fit on your hands if you don't hurry up and get in here with me."

Oh. Well, _far be it from me…_

It took me no time to shed my clothes and step into the tub…

But I took my time lowering myself into the water…

Sookie turned to face me, nibbling my thighs…

Running her tongue along my dick…

Nipping at my stomach…

Biting each of my nipples…

Each in turn as they passed her mouth as though they were being served to her.

Before I was completely settled, Sookie was on her knees between my legs…

Bubbles sliding down her body…

She hovered over me to nuzzle her nose along the rim of my ear as she kissed the side of my neck…

I groaned, only fighting to not take over.

She pulled away, but shifted her legs to straddle me. She hummed, reaching into the water to start stroking me.

She smirked when my fangs ran out, leaning to me again to grab my bottom lip between her teeth.

Sookie's kiss only ended when her body shuddered as she pushed herself down around me…

Twisting her hips…

Grinding and pumping…

Letting go of my shoulders to sit back and use the sides of the tub as her brace…

Until she moaned and cursed through her finish…

I moved her, resting her on the side of the tub, pinning her to the wall…

Pushing into her…

She was still throbbing, gasping, begging…

Digging her nails into my shoulders so deep, I could feel blood running down my back…

Pushing harder, rougher…

Waiting until the last minute and sinking my teeth into her neck…

And coming from just the taste of her.

Laying back in the tub, she curled up against my chest while she calmed.

She eventually became so still that I thought she might have gone to sleep.

I tested her, running a finger up her spine.

She wiggled and gave a hum. "I'm awake."

"I was just wondering."

She giggled. "Eric?"

"Who? Me?"

"Yes. You, ya big butthead."

I chuckled at her… and that no one else would ever get away with calling me a 'butthead'. "What can I do for you?"

"You know how I feel about you, right? I mean… because you feel my feelings."

I started stroking her back and she laced her fingers into my other hand to play with my ring. "I believe so."

"I love you, right? I mean… I'm pretty sure I do."

"If you're 'pretty sure' then why ask me?"

"Because I don't know. I mean… I _wouldn't_ know."

"We seem to be on a level playing field, Sookie. I wouldn't know either."

She sat up slowly, not releasing my hand. "I… I'm _really_ pretty sure I love you."

Her eyes were locked on mine and it felt as though she was pushing her emotions to me to scrutinize.

Peace. Comfort. Trust. Passion… most importantly, most powerfully was _affection_.

Affection in volumes… Enough to drown in.

"I'm _really_ pretty sure that you love me too."

"What about you? You treat me like you _love_ me… I don't want to push you, but… I'm just curious."

"I can feel that too..."

She stared, simply waiting. And I began picking apart all of the emotions I had for her… Thinking of the long list of things that I love about her and what she does to me… Trying to imagine what I wouldn't do to keep her safe and content and coming up with nothing… Remembering what my existence was like before her and loathing the emptiness caused by imagining 'life' without her now…

"…Sookie, I'm really pretty sure that I love you too."

She barely had the chance to smile at my confession before we heard a muffled 'I knew it!' through the bathroom wall.

"Sookie, I hope you aren't attached to Pam. I'm going to kill her."

She leaned over to me, brushing her lips against mine as she spoke. "No, you won't."

I growled, "I might."

"Not if you're too busy." She pressed her lips into mine, pulling my hand around her waist.

Her mouth started to wander down my neck… "Sookie, do you have any fears about having a blood bond with me?"

She continued, only mumbling an 'uh-uh' against me.

"It's permanent. It would fade over time if we stop exchanging blood, but it would always be there."

She purred, not letting up. "Why would we stop?"

"Are you sure?"

Sookie breathed, "Positive."

"Then bite."

She dragged her teeth, causing a shudder. "Are _you_ sure?"

I pulled her hand from my chest and held her wrist to my mouth, feeling her pulse pound against my lips… "I'm certain."

When I felt her take her first swallow, I took her arm…

And just as she'd said, we came apart at the seams.


	23. Chapter 23

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 23**

**Collision Course**

Sookie had a smile waiting for me.

Her hands were on my shoulders and she was straddling my lap…

The smell of sunshine and the sound of running water reached me at nearly the same time.

"Good evening, handsome."

"It happened again." I had died for the day in the tub with her. At least this time, I have more memory of what we'd done… the frenzied assault on each other was a blur, but it was something.

She nodded, not losing her grin. "Near as I can tell, we lost a couple of hours again. Maybe three."

"You haven't been stuck here though."

"Nope. I slept here for a while, then I drained the tub and dried you off as best I could. I wasn't sure if you'd prune up or something. I did some packing and laid out, then did more packing… Me and Gran made a grocery list and Paulette sent it off to Bobby."

"It sounds like you had a busy day."

She shrugged. "I called Sam too, but he let it go to his voicemail and when I called the bar, Arlene told me that he was too busy to talk. So God only knows when he'll get his head out of his butt enough to talk to me, but Friday is his deadline."

"Why Friday?"

"Because I figure we'll spend the day settling in tomorrow and then… _if_ we can find that new guard tomorrow night, we can have him run out to Bon Temps with us for some errands."

"What kind of errands?"

"Oh, just stuff like check on the house and grab some things, run Jason home, go to the bank to deposit my checks… and if he hasn't called me back, I'm gonna corner Sam." _Careful, he might bite._

"Do you think it will help?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. I'll use the friends-for-years guilt trip if I have to."

"What will you tell him?"

"I haven't decided yet…" She developed a smirk. "…Why does that make you worry?"

I smiled back. "You can feel that, can you?"

She nodded excitedly, but was still waiting for me to explain.

"With all things considered, you might be spreading yourself too thin for my taste, if you continue to work for him that is."

"Being greedy again?"

"Absolutely… if you work days for him, then you'll need to sleep nights. If you work nights, then you'll be with me less. If you try both, you may very well be tired constantly." And that's not taking into consideration the schedule of the child she'd be keeping up with or the travel we'll be doing.

Her mouth turned down into a slight frown and she huffed. "I was already thinking that, but I'm afraid to quit since there's no telling how long the novelty of a telepath will last."

"I truly don't see your popularity dying off within the next year, give or take. It might be more fair to him to quit. If things ever do slow down for you, and you find yourself missing it, you could go back and let him know you're available."

"You don't see that happening though? Me missing it."

"No. I think you might miss the company of humans, but… I'm staying optimistic that you come to realize that you're too special to wait tables. Besides, monetarily you'd only have to work for a week out of a year to make your waitressing income. Why wear yourself out and rob me of time with you?"

She grinned suspiciously. "In the matter of a couple of weeks, you have managed to turn my life upside down."

I smiled at her. "Likewise. It certainly has been an interesting couple of weeks though, yes?"

She giggled, leaning in to kiss me. "Amen."

"So, tell me, what do we need to do to be ready to leave in an hour and a half?"

Her eyebrow pitched and she slid herself further up my legs. "We need to close our suitcases after we get dressed."

I lost myself, tracing her nipple with my thumb. "That can't be everything."

"It is. Gran and I made sure of it. We did everything we could… We all pitched in… Jason even helped out where he could."

"How's that?" Not that I cared so much about his part, but the way she rolled her eyes and bit her lip while trying to stay focused was tangibly suggestive.

She squirmed as my finger started trailing further down her body and breathed, "He went around to all the windows and doors to make sure everything is sealed up… he hauled out the garbage… he even had Paulette get some things while she was out so he could change the oil in the car you keep here."

"Really? Do you…"

"Eric?" Her voice shook… she was practically feeding her anticipation to me with a spoon…

"Yes, Sookie?"

"Time's a wastin'."

Neither one of us had been satisfied by the meager hour we had together…

We'd fallen victim to ourselves, our wants and needs amplifying each other. Our only complaint was how limited we were for time…

We actually managed to overlook Pam's taunts through the wall, fueling one another with determination to keep ourselves on course.

We'd barely given ourselves long enough to dress before our escorts were due to arrive. In fact, Sookie had washed so quickly, she was still taming her breathing as we left the bathroom, both of us grumbling about our shared aggravation over time constraints.

When I approached the closet, I noticed only empty hangers… Finding that laying over my suitcase were two clothing options: A neatly folded pair of jeans and t-shirt or a gently placed (and perfectly pressed) dress shirt and pair of pants.

Sookie grinned at me while she slipped into her underthings. "So, how are we traveling?"

"That seems to be a dilemma. Sophie-Ann wants to see us off, but I'm unsure if she's interested in doing so as queen or an in-law of sorts."

She giggled crossing her arms under her breasts, only making the temptation of the sheer white fabric… She interrupted my train of thought by clearing her throat. "That's not helping."

I laughed at myself. "My apologies."

She giggled while I watched… she pulled a white tank top over her head and proceeded to slip into a light blue, fitted blouse and a very short denim skirt… "I figure the heels and blouse can come off on the plane?" Her nose wrinkled with her uncertainty.

I nodded, reassuring her that I liked the way she thought and began pulling on my jeans, t-shirt and dress shirt.

As she watched me dress, I could feel her frustration building with each piece of clothing I added to my body. I jokingly used her words against her. "Sookie, that's not helping."

She blew out a raspberry and called me a butthead, turning to her makeup and 'casual' jewelry…

Once I'd folded our unworn options and closed our luggage, I looked for the cord for my phone… my phone… anything.

"Sookie…?"

"Your charging cord is in the pocket on the outside of your suitcase with the files from your office. Your phone is just inside my purse, all charged up."

"You really did pack everything, didn't you?"

"Gran had me check after her and Jason. Paulette checked after me… The hard part was packing for Pam. Did you tell her that we'd be here for a month?"

I chuckled. "She packed light because I told her that we'd only be here for 2 days. Why did you pack for her?"

She shrugged. "I was already in there sprinkling a pinch of salt into every one of her shoes."

I carried our suitcases (making fun of the fact that Sookie liked her boutique clothing enough to keep it rather than return anything) and she carried her purse along with the flower arrangement and garbage can so that Paulette wouldn't need to search them out.

We left our room only to see Pam emerging from hers.

Pam purred, "If it isn't the _**love birds**_." If my hands hadn't been full, I might have slapped her.

Sookie leaned over and kissed Pam's cheek, not wavering in her good mood. "If it isn't the _**shameless voyeur**_."

Pam shrugged. "Thank you for packing for me."

Sookie giggled and turned to bounce down the stairs. "Someone had to do it, with you lying around all day like a slacker."

Pam laughed shifting to one foot to remove her shoe, look into it questioningly and slide it pack on while she waited for Sookie to go into the kitchen before she said anything else. "She smells… You're bonded?"

"Yes."

She smiled innocently enough. "It's about time… What was your meeting with Hadley about?"

"We'll discuss it on the plane."

"This is a problem?"

I started for the stairs. "It's a variable."

"You hate variables."

"Usually."

Contrary to what I expected, the ride to the airport wasn't at all quiet.

Sookie was barely settled into the seat next to me when Sophie-Ann began conversation with a smile.

As everyone rattled on in cheerful small-talk, Sophie-Ann took the opportunity to present Adele with a photo album embossed with a gold fleur-de-lis that held several photos of the reception already. Adele resisted the urge to hug Sophie-Ann as thanks, but informed her that she wanted to and went on to mention that she couldn't wait to have the pictures of the haunted trail printed to add to it.

Entering the plane for this trip was similar to the last flight with the exception of Sookie and me immediately removing our more formal outer layers…

Adele made mixed drinks for the family and warmed a true blood for Pam autonomously before settling into a recliner to remove a book from the tote bag that Paulette had given her.

Sookie snuggled into my side after relinquishing my cell phone to me…

And the four of us spent several minutes watching Jason pace nervously around the cabin. He'd never flown before.

He must've repeated it 20 times before Pam offered to glamour him so that he wouldn't _discombobulate_. Then she had to define the word for him.

He paced for a few moments while he considered her offer, muttering to himself that if he had to be glamoured he wouldn't have to worry about anyone feeding from him… at least this time, he wouldn't 'come to' in a strange place… at least this time, he'd know about it…

Then he made himself another drink and went back to pacing as though he was certain to die.

I had to say his name 3 times before I had his attention. "What is your primary concern?"

"I saw the Buddy Holly Story, Labamba AND Sweet Dreams."

Pam snorted at him. "Aww, noodle, you aren't famous enough to die in a plane crash."

I kicked her foot. "Not helping, _Pam_… Jason, you are aware that Mount Driskill is the highest point between us and Shreveport, yes? Barely 500 feet."

He nodded.

"So, knowing that flying into the side of a glorified anthill isn't likely, on the off chance that there is a very serious mechanical failure and the plane were to begin falling out of the sky, it would take about 2 minutes for the final impact. Are you with me so far?"

He nodded again, and finished the last of his drink.

"In two minutes, I could easily do away with the door to the plane and remove you all safely."

"Really?"

"You've seen me fly…"

He tried to grin. "And I saw you fling Bill like 20 feet like he's a football that night at the DGD meeting."

I gave him a nod. "So you know how strong I am." _To some extent, at least._

He began pacing again, more thoughtfully than fretfully this time. He slowly started to nod, "Alright, alright… I can work with that… I think… I might still need to be glamoured… but… I'm cool for now." He plopped down in the seat next to Pam and reached over, grabbing a lock of her hair and yanking on it.

"_OW!_ What was that for?"

He snorted like an angry bull. "_Not famous enough_… How was that supposed to be helpful? _You're a piece of work_."

"_I offered to glamour you! I was trying!_" She reached over to flick his ear.

He lifted his hand to retaliate which began the most absurd slap boxing contest in history… it went on until Adele stood from her seat and ordered Pam to switch seats with her… all the while, Adele chuckled about having to separate 'the kids' before we took off and suggested that we never, ever take a road trip with the two of them.

And again, Pam removed a shoe, inspected it closely and then slid her foot back in… I could feel how amused Sookie was, but her face betrayed nothing. _I should have thought of salt years ago._

Once the mêlée had been 'straightened out' and the plane was quiet, I took the chance to view my messages…

Not only did I have 44 emails asking for the use of Sookie's talent, but I also had 21 voicemails that I didn't bother checking because I was sure that it was more of the same.

"Sookie, it seems that you're all the rage."

She frowned slightly. "Like plots and…" I could already feel her distress building…

"No. Nothing of that nature. There are a few vampires that want you to screen every employee they have, but most of them simply want to make sure that they shouldn't be concerned about their pets' motives."

"Oh. That's a relief."

"How would you like to handle it? Would you like to decline so that you don't have to bother?"

She considered for a moment. "It seems silly to traipse all over creation for one or two people at a time… You'd never get any work done… Can you, I don't know, assign a fee or something? Like a price per head and just have the ones worried about their pets bring them to Fangtasia, maybe? Save the traveling for bigger stuff? I'd hate to just tell them 'no'… I'd feel bad if, you know if something happened." Her intentions were so incredibly kindhearted that I couldn't bring myself to mention that a vampire who needed to question their pet's motives was a fool to have the pet in the first place… hence, my own lack of pets.

I kissed her forehead and began the reply…

"_Miss Stackhouse will be available at Fangtasia to provide quality control inspections. Call ahead for availability. The cost per inspection is $1,000. A disclaimer and photo ID for each individual will be required. Contact further for group rates or situations that would require her to travel."_

I held the phone out so that Sookie could make any comments or ask any questions, but she smiled seemingly satisfied and pulled out her own phone…

I'd just sent the reply when I received a text. _"The disclaimer, it should include that they aren't allowed to dump any bodies in your area if I hear something bad. lol"_

I laughed and forwarded the message to Pam… She quickly replied, _"ROFLMAO!"_

When I finally made way through the barrage of Sookie related emails, I had _several_ from Bobby.

"_I was in a holding pattern in re: the safe room. I met with the contractors again today. They are confident that they can install the room abutting the house so that it's accessible through the closet in the down stairs bedroom. That plan would not interfere with the structural integrity of the house. It will make running power and water lines easier for them. They suggested that renovating the porch to make it a wrap-around would easily cover the excavation scars to the yard. Waiting for your word on the matter. Bobby."_

After a quick discussion with Sookie and Adele, I replied, _"Bobby, the new plan is acceptable. Scratch the gazebo. Have the porch screened, wired for fans and lighting and furnish it with padded wicker/rattan seating. See to the new shed regardless."_

The next email from Bobby: _"Pam's bracelet arrived. It's in your safe."_

Followed by, _"The ball gags have been wrapped and left on your kitchen counter as per instructions."_

Next: _"The grocery store was out of 'cube steak', otherwise, the shopping list has been delivered and your dry cleaning is hanging in your laundry room."_

Again (and I was really starting to get pissed): "_The Lexus RX (including GPS) will be delivered as soon as I know what color to get. Options: Black, silver and gold."_

Another one… _"The phone and laptop have been purchased and are on your kitchen counter as per instructions."_

I counted the remaining emails from him… 5… I'm going to kill him… _"There are 300 copies of the Fangtasia employment application and a box of pens waiting on your desk in your office."_

"_The sofa and rug have been removed from your office, but I didn't want to venture a guess as to what you'd want to replace them with. A catalog is on your kitchen counter. Perhaps Miss Stackhouse would like to help you decide on new furniture_." I'm still going to kill him, but **that** email decided that I'd be taking my time.

"_Smythe has been informed of Porter Simonette's pending call."_

"_There is a gift basket of Rome specific travel guides (Italy, not Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania or Wisconsin) and supplies waiting for Mrs. Stackhouse in your office with a first edition of Ben-Hur." _The copy of Ben-Hur _was_ motivated, but I was still going to make him to suffer.

"_After driving through Champlain Estates and calling 16 different real estate agencies, I found only 3 houses that are 4 bedrooms/empty. All of the yards are comparable in size. 2 have pools. There is a portfolio for each one on your kitchen counter so that you can decide."_

As the plane began taxiing the runway, I quickly replied before my phone lost its signal.

"_Get the gold Lexus. I'll send you my decision regarding the houses once I look at the portfolios."_

Then I sent another…

"_Bobby, I have to wonder… who the fuck told you that you're funny? _

_In case you need help with the concept of 'funny', here's a partial list: _

_Hilarious:_

_Fat people falling._

_Buttered floors._

_Telenovelas._

_The movie Van Helsing._

_Eminem._

_The antithesis of amusing:_

_Tsunamis. _

_Jerry Seinfeld._

_Mullets._

_War memorials._

_You._

_The next time you behave like a petulant child and flood my inbox with gratuitous messages when one would have sufficed since you sent them all before sunset, your track record for 'funny' __**WILL**__ change…_

_If you want to be funny, I'll gladly help you with earning a DARWIN AWARD. I always laugh at those. _

_What kind of fucking asshole taunts a vampire? _

_Be at Fangtasia Thursday. 10pm."_

When I was done, Sookie and Pam were both staring at me.

"What?"

While Pam averted her eyes to avoid pissing me off, Sookie gently took my phone and dropped it into her purse. "You can't kill him for being annoying."

"Yes I can."

She took my hand and laced her fingers with mine. "I know you _can_ kill him. I know you _want_ to kill him. But wouldn't pissing him off be more fun… cathartic even?"

"Keep talking."

"Well… as fun as it would be to glamour him to thinking he could swim the English Channel…" The image was an instant mood lifter and Sookie smiled when she felt it. "…making his last couple of weeks as your employee absolutely wretched could be a blast with that evil streak of yours. He could clean out the Fangtasia dumpsters… you could task him with rounding up Bubba's babysitting fees… make him deliver a singing thank you candy-gram to Flood… since he's irritated by me so much, you can send him on a search for a nonexistent ice cream flavor for me… the possibilities are endless."

"Can't I do all of that… and just send him to Dover with a swim cap last?"

"Wouldn't it be more fun to encourage his dream of being a Mary Kay rep?"

It had already been getting difficult to seem unbudging, but I finally lost the battle when Pam erupted with her evil cackle. "Oh Lord! Eric, _**PLEASE**_? That's perfect! I'll have his first party! We can do it at Fangtasia with all the waitresses."

After a few more suggestions including Jason's idea to have Bobby order a 'Welcome to Shreveport' cake for Paulette… and Adele's idea to have Bobby fill a coffin with black jelly beans for a 'guess how many' contest at the bar… I relented and agreed not to kill him _yet_.

Once the joking mood had passed and with only an hour left of the flight, I braced myself to start the conversation Hadley should have launched.

Sookie had started reading one of the books that Paulette had found for Adele and seemed to brace herself, closing the cover and sitting attentively until I found it in myself…

I've never done sugar-coating well.

"There's something that I need to discuss with you… It's why Hadley pulled me aside last night."

For once, I had Pam's undivided attention without gift wrap being involved and the Stackhouses' eyes were fixed on me…

"Did she tell any of you the conditions of how she became a vampire?"

Adele gave a puzzled nod. "She was vague. She said that it happened because she was too hurt to survive." Fucking figures.

"At some point Hadley married, but the man was paranoid about Hadley having a relapse enough that she decided to divorce him."

Sookie shook her head slightly. "What does that have to do with anything though?"

Hadley was going to owe me… "She didn't know she was pregnant until after she left him… The injury she wouldn't have survived otherwise was the child's birth."

Pam surprised me by taking Adele's hand in an effort to comfort the woman, but she seemed fixated with Sookie's shoes. She finally whispered, "She had a baby?"

Sookie's mood suddenly shifted from compassionate to annoyed. "We just spent 6 nights with her! Why are you… How did you get stuck telling us?"

"I'm not sure of all of the reasons, but you saw firsthand that being the favored child of a vampire queen puts her at risk… the baby was immediately taken to his father to be raised to keep him from being a target of the kind of plots that Threadgill would employ."

"But Hadley told _you_. Not Gran…"

"Hadley only told me because she wants me to protect him."

"Why would he need protecting?"

I stared at her, trying to force myself to give her the details… "Sookie, she wants you to raise him."

"I can't… _**Is she out of her fucking mind!?**_ Bill Compton was ready to turn me a week ago… Jason was kidnapped… I've had two killers after me **THIS WEEK!**"

"That would be her reason for wanting _you_ to raise him… her reason for wanting _me_ to protect him."

"That doesn't make any damn sense… I've probably got every vampire in Arkansas after me now because…" I felt it dawn on her. Her body quaked and a sickened feeling festered in the pit of her stomach. She jerked to her feet to pace the length of the cabin.

"She might not have ever said anything if she hadn't seen what Compton was willing to do."

She didn't say anything and Adele was seemingly in shock over the news.

Jason wasn't suffering from speechlessness though. "I don't get it. Bill was only after Sookie because she can read minds."

The squirrels' coffee break forced me to say 'it' aloud. "Jason, the child is showing signs that he's a telepath too."

"How? I mean, how old is he?"

"He's three… It seems he started talking early and he's finishing sentences and answering unasked questions… His father is having a difficult time with child care because providers seem to be frightened of it."

He lost a bit of color and looked up at Sookie. "Awww shit! Sook, you gotta take him… after what Mom put you through, you can't let that happen to him!"

She stopped pacing just long enough to shoot him a furious glare, her contempt was threatening enough that I tried calming her. "Eric, is this why you wanted me to quit working for Sam?"

"Sookie, you know better than that. I suggested that you quit the night after I met you and we've already come to the conclusion that it would be rational to stop working for him without the child as a factor."

She stared shaking her head irrationally. "So I suppose Hadley's ex-husband will have an _'unfortunate accident'_ and I end up being… GODDAMNIT! This is just like Hadley! Never taking care of anything herself!"

I tried being reasonable. "Sookie, you can hardly blame her for hemorrhaging during delivery."

She chuckled wryly. "Eric, no one's trying to blame her for that, but you need to understand that tossing that kid at his father… with the money and power Sophie-Ann has, Hadley could be raising him."

"How? She's a vampire."

"How the fuck do you think I'm going to do it!? Between wanting to be with you as much as possible and the hours my new job will require, I'm gonna be just as god damn nocturnal as y'all are! All she would have needed to do is shift his schedule and hire a nanny to sit with him while he's sleeping during the day."

"She told me that she'd understand if you're unwilling."

She snorted. "I bet."

"Sookie."

She snapped, "What?"

"Stop being angry with Hadley."

"Why should I?"

"Because even if she had kept him, she would most likely be asking for this. You're better suited for the child's needs."

"Because I'm still human?"

"That doesn't have anything to do with it and you know it."

"Fine. What's the plan?" She was still livid, possibly more than I had been with Bobby. She wasn't calming down in the least.

"Regarding what exactly?"

"I'm sure all of this shit was planned out already. How is Hadley planning on passing her kid off to me so that she can stay free to keep her head up Sophie-Ann's ass instead of show some responsibility for her own kid?"

"To the best of my knowledge his father will be glamoured to surrender the child to you in his best interest and an adoption will be pushed through the courts."

"And Hadley, what? Shows up for family visits once in a while?"

"She mentioned that she would like to be able to see him on occasion, yes…"

She stopped pacing again to give me a defiant stare with her arms folded over her chest. "That's you, isn't it… You're trying to calm me down."

"Just enough to keep you from punching something, yes."

"Stop."

"Then sit down and try to be reasonable on your own. Nothing can be undone. Whatever reason Hadley rationalized for not raising him herself is immaterial. If things had gone differently and you were simply listed as Hadley's next of kin… would you not already be planning what color to paint his room?"

She threw herself onto the couch, resting her elbows on her knees to hide her face in her hands and promptly began crying quietly.

I waited, not knowing how to help her… feeling her strange combination of guilt and bitterness and fear spiraling impossibly quickly… seemingly constant with no signs of waning.

"What's his name?" Adele's sudden question interrupted the silent strain only slightly.

"Hunter."

"Where do they live?"

"New Orleans."

"Is there any reason for them to worry right now or is it that they're concerned for him to get older."

"Hadley didn't express any immediate concerns. Her knowledge of Bill Compton's scheming is what's prompted her suspicions. She's worried that he could be discovered and objectified."

She nodded and settled back into the quiet.

…but Jason had apparently decided that the calm bothered him. He slid out of his seat and rested on his knees in front of Sookie. "You know you wouldn't be on your own, right Sook? Me and Gran'll help… this isn't a such a bad thing… Gran gets a great grandbaby… I get a nephew to play video games with… you'd never planned and having kids, but you'd be full of shit if you said you didn't want to… Sook, Hunter'll get to be raised by someone who knows exactly what he's going through. Sounds like a win/win… Come on… If you don't take him, I will. _I know you don't want that to happen_."

She snorted and slapped his forehead. "You can't put beer in a sippy cup."

"Sure ya can. You just gotta take out the stopper so it doesn't explode like a volcano. They make pizza in nuggets now too." Even Adele offered a chuckle, knowing that he was only trying to make Sookie laugh. It worked enough to make her snicker.

"I'm not saying I won't. I'm just…" She started laughing wryly. "This is crazy… what were we doing 2 weeks ago?"

He scoffed. "_**We**_ were reading minds for better tips. _**We**_ were going home every night to read a book curled up with a cat. _**We**_ were bored and didn't know what the hell to do about it… _**We**_ weren't saving lives, riding in limos and private planes or wearing shoes worth more than your car. _**We**_ finally have a life."

"_**We**_ almost got killed more than a few times too. Don't forget that."

He snorted and put his hand to her head to shove her over playfully as he went back to his seat. "_**We**_ ain't never smiled so damn much either… Now shut the fuck up and start thinking about how to decorate his room like Eric said… I think I'll make him up a room at my house for visits… Football themed… wait… His name is Hunter… would camouflage be corny?"

Everyone told him 'yes' in unison as though it had been rehearsed and then the stillness took over again as Sookie started to come to terms with the situation.

"Gran?"

"Yeah baby?"

"You ok with this, ready to start over _again_?"

"No. I wasn't ready when y'all needed me. We'll have some time to get ready."

"Are you sure you're up to it though?"

"Nope… sweetie, you need to understand that there's no such thing as 'sure'. Anything can happen. I can tell you that I've learned a lot from my mistakes. I can tell you that I could fill a book with regrets and unanswered prayers, but taking in you two when your folks died isn't one of them. I wasn't prepared to take in two elementary aged children in my 60s, especially not one who could hear how scared I was. You can't cash out and walk away. You play the cards you get dealt."

Sookie snorted. "Unless you're Hadley apparently. She's just watching everyone else play."

"Hadley was born selfish. Jason was born lazy. And you, little girl, were born pigheaded as hell, but I love all of you. That being said… Human or vampire, she'd never be suited for children. She doesn't have it in her. Truth be told, if Hadley were still human and Hunter didn't read minds, that baby would still be better off with you because you have it in you to put others first."

"This really isn't fair though. He's going to know something's off… It's not fair to him… I'm still gonna bitch her out about this crap."

Adele chuckled and opened her book again. "We'd be worried that you caught a fever if you didn't."


	24. Chapter 24

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 24**

**Hard Landing**

After the way Sookie had 'ordered' me to stop my attempt to calm her down earlier, I had more fun than I should have making her beg to be soothed during the landing.

Laughingly, Pam did have to glamour Jason so that he would stay in his seat instead of pacing frantically… He actually thanked her _earnestly_ once the plane touched down.

Sookie and I both had messages waiting. Our cell phones were almost frantic by the time Sookie was calm enough to let go of me to grab them from her purse.

As suspected, Sookie was the topic of every one of the voicemails (by then numbering in the 30s). The messages were annoyingly trite and a few were duplicates from the emails I'd already answered and/or their own voicemails… Something needed to give. There was no way I'd ever get anything done if I was constantly on the phone acting as Sookie's booking agent.

I had to remind myself that this was a phase. That Sookie's popularity would die down to a point… at least once word spreads as to arrangements… once we establish a system, that is.

Sookie had quietly listened to her messages and put her phone away, but as she sat waiting for me to be done I could feel her irritation… for lack of a better way to describe the feeling, it was like sandpaper under my skin.

The ride back to the house was no better.

Whatever it was that she found so irksome wasn't something she wanted to talk about. She took our suitcases directly down to our room to unpack and she didn't need to say that she wanted to be alone. Even without the bond her body language would have said it all.

Once Pam took her leave, Adele and I gave Jason a tour of the house and she jokingly referred to the library as 'her room' and practically ran to the desk to peruse the new additions. Giddy is the only way to describe her as she gasped before reading each title… and she'd almost overlooked the gift basket on the side table.

"What is that?"

"How am I supposed to know? You were in there more recently than I was."

She resisted the urge to declare 'horse puckey' and went to the basket to begin peeling away the cellophane… the sound made Jason and me cringe. When she began inspecting the contents, she gasped. "You were serious!"

"Of course I was. If there's somewhere higher on your list, just let me know."

She snorted. "What could be higher on a history buff's list than Rome?"

"That depends… Kiev, Edinburgh, London, Geneva, Tokyo, Brussells… We'll need to plan for overseas trips, but I'm sure you'll have no shortage of domestic trips…"

She interrupted me with another gasp, yanking a book out from under the basket to clutch to her chest. "That's it. Let's go."

I chuckled at her. "Do we have a last minute date?"

"You bet! Let's show this boy where to find the TV so he'll be out of my hair."

Jason scoffed. "Oh! That's real nice, Gran!"

She took my arm and led me into the hall. "Oh, hush boy! Don't you have a coma to recover from?"

Once Adele's bag was in her actual room and Jason had been assigned his own (and had the chance to gape at the entertainment center until he was tutored on how to use it), I went to the kitchen to deal with the mountain of items left on the counter.

The shopping bag full of ball gags went to the trunk of my car right away and I laughed to myself when I came into the kitchen to hear Adele turning pages in the library.

I leafed through the information about the available properties and suffered my own annoyance that all three houses were built from the same plans. The one and only difference being that one of them had wall between the kitchen and dining area and the others didn't. Bobby had wasted a fucking day over drywall. Lazy idiot.

Grabbing the boxes containing Paulette's laptop and phone, I went downstairs hoping that Sookie was willing to talk even though her mood hadn't improved.

I stood in the door way watching her take item after item out of her bag and hang them next to mine.

"You're no less irritated, but are you at least ready to talk about it?"

She huffed, only making eye contact with me for a moment before putting herself back to work. "Did you hear the message from Sam?"

"I heard his voice to know he called, but I was concentrating on my messages. What did he want?"

"He was returning my call. 'We need to talk'. That's it. He sounded like he was bracing himself, like he was annoyed to call me."

"You can't be upset that you might be fired from a job you were about to quit."

"Yes I can."

I put my armful down on my desk and went to stand next to her. "That doesn't make any sense to me. Explain it."

"Arlene has 2 kids and is constantly calling in sick at the last minute to stay home with them. Holly has a kid and barely ever works nights. Poor Terry can barely bartend because of his PTSD… He can understand, and forgive, and work with them…"

"But he doesn't seem to be accepting of your special circumstances."

"No he doesn't. Not at all… I mean he's known about the mind reading thing all along and I've even used it around the bar to help out… He would've known that there would be better stuff for me to do with it than keeping drunks from fighting. I'd be happy for him if he figured out a way to be…"

"Sniffing luggage at the airport?"

She giggled. "Stop that… It's not fair."

"If his plan is to fire you, then what do you want to do about it?"

"I want to go tell him that I'm quitting and why. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of firing me for being with you. We both know that that's his reason."

"You want to go out to Bon Temps tonight? After traveling and while your nerves are still raw from the news of Hunter?"

"Hadley."

"What about her?"

"I'm pissed about Hadley. I can't blame Hunter that his mother is a self serving twit… And yes. I want to go out there and get this over with. Do you mind?" _Do I mind?_ I had other plans for the evening, but if her mood didn't improve, I wasn't going to get to enjoy myself anyway…

"Should we take Jason back to his house since we'll be out there?"

She grinned and stretched up to kiss me. "No. You still haven't beaten him up yet."

"Beaten him?"

"You're the butthead to set up an accident bad enough to put him in a coma. He's not going to escape that without some bruises. He needs a shiner, maybe even a split lip or someone's gonna call bullshit."

"You want me to attack your brother."

"Nope. Just slug him a couple of times."

I snorted at her. "I'm not sure that I've ever found myself in this situation."

She giggled. "That must be nice. To be alive for so long and still have some surprises."

She had no idea.

After leaving Sookie's phone with Adele and letting her know we'd be leaving, we left for Bon Temps with only an hour left before Merlotte's would close.

Most of the ride was quiet once Sookie gave up trying to find a radio station that wasn't playing 'crap, crap, crap and more crap'.

She sat with her legs crossed and her hands wedged between her thighs and staring blankly out of the window.

I left her to her thoughts until she finally resolved to say something. "Do you like kids?" That's what I was afraid she was thinking about.

"I don't like humans as a rule."

"You know what I mean. How much… I mean… I love that you like Gran and you're getting used to Jason now that you know how to deal with him… I'd hate to have to keep that part of my life separate."

"And I know you know what I meant. Sookie, I find small humans no more or less annoying than the adults. Your family sets a precedent. Having a child around will take some getting used to, but we'll adapt. It's what we do."

"We'll have a lot of details to work out."

"Probably less than you think."

"I'm going to need to go shopping to set up his room… You'll have to come out to Bon Temps to see me now."

"Why is that?"

She huffed, "I can't tote him all over creation in the middle of the night and I can't be constantly leaving him with Gran." I didn't have to tell her how disappointed I was. Not only could she feel it, but she was reciprocating it.

"It's one of the things that we'll have to figure out, but _**we will**_ figure it out."

"Did she say when?"

"There's nothing pressing at the moment."

"I suppose we should wait and see how things go as far as urgent stuff getting dropped in our laps. Maybe in the next few weeks we'll have the time to settle him in."

"Sookie, things change. There's rarely anything that can be done to prevent it."

"I get that, but you're the first positive change in my life… I'm scared."

"Of what exactly?"

"That I'll screw up and do the wrong thing… _All the wrong things_… I didn't exactly have a great mother."

"I'll give you that, but you had an amazing woman take care of you when your mother died."

She sighed heavily. "I wonder if this is what normal women feel like when they find out that they're expecting. The anxiety and worry… the onslaught of things to plan for." Most women don't find out that they're inheriting a telepathic toddler from their recently turned vampire cousin, but I suppose I could almost understand how overwhelmed she could be.

"We need Pam."

She giggled which is _exactly_ what I was hoping for. "Why do we need Pam? You usually want her to stay out of this kind of thing."

"She's obsessed with Dear Abbey. She _could_ actually have something to offer on the subject."

"Dear Abbey?"

"And any 'reality' based TV show. She's a slave to pop culture as much as fashion. She glamours Ginger to watch Big Brother so that she has someone with whom to talk about it."

She was still laughing. "You changed the subject."

"You don't seem to mind."

"I don't guess I do."

When we stopped in front of Merlotte's she removed her seat belt, but stayed in her seat staring at the building. "It feels weird to park out front."

"Do you have a plan?"

"He's going to shit himself for a few minutes when he smells you on me… Hopefully he'll settle down enough listen."

"How much do you plan on telling him?"

"I'm not sure yet."

"Flying by the seat of your pants?" I'd feel infinitely better if she had a plan.

She took a deep breath and pushed her door open. "Thank God I improvise well."

I'd only cracked the door for her when I saw Sam standing behind the bar filling a pitcher of beer, but the sodden yahoo approaching Sookie had the bulk of my attention.

I immediately put myself in between Sookie and the drunkard.

I felt Sookie's hands go to my sides from behind. "Eric, he's fine. This is Catfish. He's Jason's boss."

The redneck frowned at me and balked with a hiccup. "I known Sookie since she's knee high. I ain't gonna hurt her, mister." Even if he tried, he wasn't moving fast enough that she couldn't defend herself.

She slid her hand into mine and stepped out from behind me. "Hey Catfish."

His eyes darted back and forth between the two of us, obviously threatened by me. "Hey. How's Jas? I can't get that hospital to let me know how he's doing."

She used her free hand to pat his shoulder. "He's on the mend… We were on vacation in New Orleans when we got the call. When he came to, we brought him home. Gran's tending to him now out at Eric's place. He'll be back to work in no time."

He chuckled, "If that lady's taking care of him, there's no doubt a' that. You let him know we've been worried about him… Did y'all hear about Rene?"

Sookie shook her head. "No. Is he alright?" Nice lie.

"Dunno… he got picked up by Shreveport cops… they connected him to those killings. Poor Arlene don't know whether to shit or go blind."

"Oh, God! I bet. Is she working tonight?"

"She got to crying earlier when the news mentioned it, so Sam sent her home since it's slowing down."

"Wow… The first vacation I ever take and I missed a lot. Is that it?"

"Yeah. I guess. I bet you already knew about that big vamp scaring that Compton guy out of town, right?"

She smiled up at me. "Yeah. _I was there_. Bill grabbed me and talked nasty about Gran. Eric was just watching out for us."

"No shit. Huh… So what did y'all do in new Orleans?"

"Just a bit of R&R… We went on one of those haunted trails. We had a good time."

Once she'd gotten the 'gossip', she managed to slide away from 'Catfish' to go towards the bar, waving to several of the patrons on our way. She sat on the stool across from Sam's irritable stare so I sat next to her. His pissy snarl was shifted to focus on me.

"What are you doing here?"

She started, "Sam, you…"

"I wasn't talking to you."

Her irritation was back and she didn't hesitate to grab a pretzel from the bowl on the bar to throw one to bounce it off of his face. "_**I'm talking to you though**_."

"Are you not allowed to come here without supervision?"

"I asked him to bring me. Should I have left him in the car with a window cracked? Don't be an ass."

"What am I supposed to think?"

"I don't really care since you're being so high and mighty. I'm not going to talk to you at all when you've got a hair across your ass. I'll take a coke and then you can pout in your office until you settle down."

"What? No _true blood_ for…"

She threw the whole bowl at him this time and the shocked look on his face was priceless. "He's _fine_. Coke. Count to ten. Talk. That's how it's going to go if you want to talk to me at all."

He stared at her while he filled her glass and set it in front of her before disappearing down the back hallway.

I leaned over to her ear and whispered, "I'm proud of you for standing up to him, but if you keep throwing things I might succumb to a laughing fit."

She giggled, leaning towards me. "Just let me do the talking as long as you can. The last thing I'm in the mood for is more accusations that you control me."

I put my mouth closer to her ear. "Let you do the talking?"

She put her finger to my lips and licked her own. "I'll figure out a way to repay the favor."

"You're asking for a sizable favor."

"I'm sure we can come up with something."

As much fun as I was having with our back and forth, Sam decided to return from the rear of the bar… "No promises, but I'll play along for a while."

She kissed my cheek before I peeled away from her side to rest my elbows on the bar. "Thank you."

She scowled at Sam. "That was fast. Did you take a chill pill?"

"Why did you come out here? You could have just called instead of bringing him into my place."

"You don't even know him. What could you possibly have against him?"

"Oh… I guess I shouldn't have anything against someone like him using you."

"Fine. You have a chip on your shoulder with vampires. Be a bigot…"

"I'm not a bigot."

She chuckled at him wryly and focused on her drink for a moment. "When we walked in the first thing you thought was 'like dealing with _poor_ Arlene isn't enough, now I have to put up with this shit'. So tell me, Sam, now that you've personally known a human serial killer, are you going to discourage all women from dating humans?" Beautiful point.

"You know damn good and well that all humans aren't…"

She cut him off. "Did you call me back to tell me how stupid I am for being his?"

"No… I called you back so… _RINGS!?_"

Sookie ignored the attention his outburst caused. "Have you always been distracted by shiny stuff. Damn! Would you focus?"

"Are you married?" He was still staring at my ring and the temptation to raise my hand just to see if his eyes would follow it was unbearable.

"Might as well be. Would you knock it off? I want to get home sometime tonight."

"You're…"

"Sam! My Christ in heaven! Why did you call me?"

"I was going to tell you that I don't want fangbangers…"

"Dawn was technically a fangbanger, but since you didn't know until after she died, you were fine that she was just a slut."

"She also never brought vampires into my bar."

"I want the record to show that you are the one causing a ruckus at this point. Even when Bill was in here he minded his own damn business."

"I don't like it."

"Fine. Whatever. I came out here to tell you that I'm quitting anyway. You need to replace me."

"You're quitting!?" More attention… The 14 customers left in the bar were watching with more interest than I was comfortable with.

"Yeah Sam, I am."

"He's making you quit?"

"No."

"You're trying to tell me that he's fine letting you work for… someone like me?"

"No. He _doesn't_ want me working here _and _doing my other job, but I'm doing this on my own."

"You realize that he can make you, right? Without you even knowing it."

She snorted at him. "No. He can't."

"Sookie…"

"He can't… no more than he'd have to wait for an invitation into your house. It's a side effect of _my condition_."

"Oh, well doesn't that just take the cake. Here I am, worried that you're glamoured and it turns out that you're just brainless enough to want to be with him!"

"I'm not interested in being insulted. I only came out here to tell you in person that I won't be working here anymore."

"So what is this fabulous new job?" He was practically dripping with distain.

"I'll be getting paid to do what _humans_ always treated me like a freak for."

"Seriously? And you trust them?"

"Not all of them, but I trust Eric to keep me safe."

"What the hell is wrong with you!?"

"What's wrong with you, Sam? Tell me with a straight face that humans don't lie and kill and steal and take advantage. You can't. What you hate about vampires is ingrained in _**human**_ nature. That was set up before they were turned. I could kill you just as fast as Eric could, we'd just be using different weapons. And it's people like you that are why Hadley's been afraid to come home all these years."

"Hadley was turned?"

"Yeah. So go ahead, stand there and shit on my family. While you're tossing around vampire stereotypes, why don't you shit on old women and blue collar boneheads and mind readers. But I'm going to warn you, doing it will make _**you**_ fair game."

"I have the right to worry. He's not like us."

"Well Sam, since I'm _**always**_ a telepath, I'm not like 'us' either."

"You know what I mean!"

"No. I'm afraid I don't, but it doesn't matter. I have more on my plate now than ever and I just don't have time to keep waiting tables… even if I wanted to put up with your crap now that I'm with Eric."

"What kind of stuff? I don't get it. What the hell…"

"You act like you weren't planning on firing me."

"I wasn't going to fire you. I was going to tell you that I didn't want fangbangers filling in for you. I was going to hire a girl on my own to fill in. I found two girls today. That's why I was busy when you called."

"Well, then I'm sorry for assuming, but something's come up since the last time we talked. You need to find a girl for full time."

"What's come up?" He seemed to be fishing for Sookie to blame me for everything. He was grating my last damn nerve.

"I have my family to tend to. Gran's slowing down a lot and deserves to put her feet up and we have every intention of making that happen now that I'm making enough to take care of us."

"If it's money… I can give you more shifts… a raise. You're the best waitress I've got." If he weren't being so dense, I could almost call him adorable.

"Sam, what makes me the best waitress you have is the same thing that paid off my house in one night."

"So this doesn't have anything to do with your new jewelry and all the stuff that's going on out at your house? The work crews have been taking lunch here, ya know. It's all over that your vampire boyfriend is throwing all kinds of money around."

"Master." Oh, that word again and coupled with how she was rubbing his nose in it...

"What!?"

"You know how it works. Eric is my _master_… And you know better than to think I'm with him for jewelry and windows. Now you're just being an asshole and I don't appreciate it."

Sam tried scaring me with a 'mean' look. "She didn't used to be like this. What the fuck have you done to her?" _The better question would be 'what has she done to me?'..._

Sookie's sudden giggle grabbed our attention. I'd barely had the chance to give her a questioning look before she gave me a cheerful nod and swayed to bump our shoulders together.

I smiled at her. "Are you almost ready to go home?"

Sam was being persistent and butted in before she could answer. "Are you taking her home to her house or have you decided that she's staying at your house chained to a wall?" He was intentionally pushing my buttons.

Pushing back sounded like fun… "Chains are for _**dogs**_. Sookie is with me because she wants to be."

"Nice that you don't have to go looking for fangbangers."

"I've never had to beg for table scraps."

Sookie giggled again and grabbed her purse. She pulled a couple of singles out and set them on the bar next to her drink. "Yeah, I think I am ready to head out."

"Are you sure? I was just starting to have some fun."

She smirked at me. "I said what I came out here to say. If you have too much fun, he's going to give you reason to make a scene. Let's just go home before Sam gets himself killed."

I chuckled at the look on Sam's face as I stood up. "Sookie, he'll just hurt you!"

She huffed, stopping to face him. "Thanks for the tip, Sam. I'll keep my eyes open. In the meantime, why don't you make me a list of people you know who've never been disappointed by someone they love."

"That's not the kind of hurt I'm talking about and you know it! What the hell could you see in _him_?" He said 'him' as though he was fighting the urge to vomit.

"Even if I told you, you'd just call me stupid again... See ya around."

I'm not sure how, but Sookie's mood was lighter as she lowered into the car. It was as though she was pleased to have gotten the chore of quitting out of the way and I'd be lying to say I wasn't satisfied that she'd leave his employ… Even when she 'works' at Fangtasia, I wouldn't be lowering her to wait tables.

When I took my seat, she smiled at me. "Thank you… I could tell that you were ready to beat his ass… thanks for letting me deal with him." _I'd get my 'payment'._

"You, however, are in a _better_ mood."

She nodded slowly. "Yeah… He'll come around eventually… He really is scared for me. He's really pissed at himself that he couldn't talk me away from you."

"So I can't hate him?" I might decide to regardless.

She giggled. "Sorry… We already know that we aren't a normal master/pet scenario… he hates Supe politics and that's why he's in the middle of nowhere."

"I've tried that… staying out of circulation. I managed for a few decades without having to deal with the bullshit."

"That bad, huh?"

"Dizzying would be the best way to describe it. In fighting, back biting, coups and subterfuge… It's all illogical absurdity. I found that it's easier to be a part of it so that I'm in the know."

She quietly absorbed the idea for a moment before she said anything else. "Why did he think about Hotshot?"

My eyes rolled involuntarily. "Hotshot is a small community not far from here. It's Deliverance with Were Panthers."

She started cackling. "No freaking way! All of them? I haven't met many but they're a harder read than Sam!"

"Inbred and disgusting. I prefer the company of Sam to those throwbacks… Not Deliverance as much as The Hills Have Eyes actually. Their traits and shifting are affected…"

"But you don't mind Werewolves?"

"If you repeat this, I'll deny it, but I do have a certain respect for Flood. He runs his pack with a militant hand. They aren't as unruly as most I've seen. I'd trust his recommendation for a guard for you."

"As opposed to trusting what I get from their minds?"

"In addition. I won't be taking any chances with your security." If the well for suitable guards is dry, searching for an available daemon with stellar sword skills would be my next task.

Sookie offered a sweet smile when we pulled into the garage. "Gran's still up."

I chuckled at the idea. "Waiting for you to get home from Merlotte's. Old habits?"

It was nearly 3am as we made our way through the house to 'check in'. No sooner than we arrived at the doorway to the library, Adele's face lit up with a bright smile and I couldn't help but notice that she was nearly done with her book.

"I'm glad y'all got home before I fell to sleep. How did things go?"

Sookie huffed and sat down next to her. "He wasn't happy that I quit. He wasn't planning on firing me after all, he just didn't want it to get around that Eric was helping him staff his restaurant. He's worried about me being with Eric, but…"

"The only remedy to that worry is time. He'll back off enough for y'all to be friends again when he sees that Eric's not gonna use you."

"Hope so."

"When am I ever wrong?... Alright… now the reason I was waiting up; I had an epiphany. Wanna hear it?"

We both gave her a nod so that she'd continue. She seemed quite proud of herself.

"First of all, when is Fangtasia closed? Slow nights?"

"We're closed on Mondays. Sunday is our slowest night."

"Perfect. Feel free to reject the idea, but I think we should move in."

Sookie snorted, "GRAN!"

"Hush. Hear me out. This has nothing to do with these books… It's because of Hunter. It will be nearly impossible for Eric to keep something from happening from here if we're way the hell out in Bon Temps." My appreciation for this woman had no bounds.

"You're right about that. Even if I fly, it would take about 20 minutes to get there." By then, any number of things could happen.

"And you'd both be so full of 'it' your eyes would turn brown if you tried to claim that y'all didn't want to be together anyway."

Sookie rolled her eyes at how right the woman was and looked to me. "You think this is great, but I've been dealing with this all my life."

I was already laughing when Adele reached over and swatted Sookie's knee.

"I'm old and set in my ways and it would be a shame to waste all the work that's gone into our old house… So here's my idea… We do up rooms for the baby in both houses. We'll stay here during the week and then I'll have Jason come out and collect me and Hunter on Saturday mornings… y'all can join us in the country when you're done at Fangtasia… Sunday we'll go to church and have a Sunday dinner, relax on Monday and we'll be ready to come back to Shreveport for the week when Eric rises on Tuesday."

I was smiling so wide by the time she was done that my face felt stretched. "The Stackhouse homestead will be a 'weekend house'?"

"Travel aside, yeah. It sounds a whole lot more reasonable than having you commute for no reason. Shreveport has options that would keep Hunter from being a shut in… Sookie can home-school him and then take him out for errands and activities. That wasn't an option for her. I had to go back to work to make ends meet. Her mind reading paychecks alone will make Hunter's life easier than hers was."

I agreed with a nod. "No doubt."

"And when I'm gone, if y'all want to keep going out to Bon Temps for weekends, you can. But if you don't want to, then Hunter won't have much of an adjustment to make."

I didn't have the chance to feel my own grief over the idea of Adele's death. Sookie had a sudden wrenching in the pit of her stomach and told her grandmother to not talk about 'that'.

Adele rolled her eyes and focused on me. "So, do you think the old lady is off her rocker?"

"No, Adele, I think the 'old' lady is as firmly planted as she can get. Sookie and I were discussing the matter during our drive out to Bon Temps. We only managed to come to the conclusion that we needed more time to plan."

"The only real planning we need to do is getting him set up. He's only three so shifting his schedule to fit our hours better won't be hard. Schooling isn't a worry yet and spending weekends in Bon Temps will give him time to play with Jason without being around all those fools trying to figure out where he came from. No one in Shreveport will think twice about seeing Sookie with him."

"Being in Shreveport for a majority of the time will spare him of that… Sookie?"

"What?"

"Your thoughts?"

She snorted. "Like it makes a difference what I think. You two…"

"Don't be petulant. What part of your grandmother's suggestion irks you?"

She slammed herself back in the chair and folded her arms. "That you two just planned this whole thing without me."

Adele and I rolled our eyes at her. "So, to be clear, you don't think that her idea is far-fetched. You're simply being a brat about not having thought of it yourself."

Her only reply was to raise her 'fuck you' finger.

I kissed Adele's cheek and congratulated her on the brilliant plan… and ignored my pouting pet to go take care of business.

"Hello?"

"Hadley, it's Eric."

"Oh shit… if you're calling so soon it can't be good… What did she say?"

"I think the best way to put it, is that she's pissed."

"Oh God… I knew it… I just didn't know what else to do… who else to ask..."

"Hadley, do you have any vampire qualities? You ramble incessantly."

I heard Sophie-Ann's laugh before she demanded the phone from her child. "Not a single one. Other than her diet and schedule… she is still as she was as a human."

"Then she balances Andre well. The two of them together _must_ make a tolerable vampire."

She laughed again. "Am I understanding that Sookie isn't interested in taking care of Hunter?"

"That's not the case. Sookie is infuriated with the situation, but they are more than willing to take him in. We've been discussing details for most of the evening."

"Truly?"

"They've managed to plan most of the steps. Adele assures us that the only thing left is shopping."

"But you said that Sookie is _pissed_."

"Her aggravation lies on her history with Hadley's track record of… follow through. She understands Hunter's needs and knows she best suited to take care of him."

She hummed thoughtfully. "And you have no reservations?"

"It won't be a hardship to see to his safety."

"That's not what I asked."

"To be honest, I have plenty of reservations. I haven't been around human children since I was human myself."

"Perhaps it's a difference in the sexes… Hunter is the only infant I've held since my younger siblings. If it weren't for the trappings of my position, I'd cheerfully have him at court… Sadly, you've seen what risk that would pose to him."

"Yes, I have."

"So what have the Stackhouses decided?"

"It seems that we'll be outfitting their house and mine with his needs and spending weekends in Bon Temps. Keeping them in close proximity will make their security more manageable. Sookie has already quit her waitressing job to free her schedule for him."

"Excellent. When do you want him?"

"Whenever you see fit. We'll make sure to be prepared." _Out of the frying pan and into the fire…_

"Then we'll plan for next week. I'll let you know when we'll arrive."

"Thank you, majesty."

"No, Northman. Thank you. Sookie isn't the only one to have proven how invaluable they are this week… You might be the first vampire I _haven't_ _made_ that I can depend on."

Since I was alone in the kitchen, I cared nothing about the shocked expression I was wearing. The queen doesn't offer compliments easily… and the one she gave was remarkable.

I took the time to send Bobby his tasks since I was planning on collecting my payment from Sookie now that her disposition was improving…

"_Boob,_

_A few changes need to be made to the earlier orders… _

_Since the firm won't have to excavate under the Stackhouse home, have them install a full suite… sitting area with three adjoining sleeping quarters with bathrooms. Continue plans for the porch to camouflage its evidence._

_Purchase both the gold and the silver Lexus. Paulette Simonette and Sookie Stackhouse._

_I'm not impressed that you indecisively pissed away a day over three identical houses. Purchase two of them. Have the deed to the one closest to mine registered to Sookie._

_Under better circumstances, I could have my 'day guy' assist the Stackhouse ladies with shopping on the internet. Since you're an irritable asshole (not to mention practically incompetent), provide catalogs for the ladies. They'll need to furnish a child's bedroom. Make sure they have a variety of choices._

_Denim shorts. Size 8. As many as you can find. Sookie refers to them as 'Daisy Dukes' but her brother complains, calling them 'coochie cutters'. Either way, Sookie will need a continual supply. Her clothing doesn't seem to have much shelf-life._

_E. Northman."_

With everything else out of the way…

I made the silent decision to declare recess…

I leaned against the sliding door leading to the patio and pushed my wants to Sookie. Ultimately, our bond was going to become my favorite new toy.

Feeling her confusion at her sudden urges, I pushed further and felt her solve the mystery without asking. It had finally dawned on her that I was the cause of her inexplicable agitation.

She yelled from the study for me to 'quit it', only encouraging my fun…

Sookie finally stopped resisting and bid 'goodnight' to Adele before stomping into the room with her hands on her hips as though I wouldn't know that she wasn't angry.

"You were a horrible liar, even before I could feel your emotions… besides, I can smell how wet you are."

She dropped her hands and snarled, "That's not fair."

"Sure it is… you owe me."

"Owe you?"

I nodded. "The price of my silence… You could wait to make good on our agreement, but the interest is pretty high."

Her eyes sparkled. "Oh really… What is the fee?"

I reached out and unbuttoned her skirt to push it down until gravity took over… pulled her tank top over her head…

She raised her eyebrow. "Swimming?"

I pulled her to me, stealing a kiss while I unhooked her bra. "Skinny dipping."

She gasped, "What?"

"As it was explained to me, it's _swimming in the 'buff'_."

She narrowed her eyes. "You knew exactly what skinny dipping is before I said anything, you butthead."

"Maybe."

"We aren't the only ones here. What if…"

I shrugged. "What if we get caught? We'll be in the water. No one would see anything, since you're so shy."

"Except I'm standing in the dining room in nothing but panties."

"Good point…" I slid my hand under the lacy fabric and pulled them away from her. "…It seems as though you're wearing the required uniform now though."

She smiled despite her rising blush and put her hands to my belt…

By the time she'd pulled my shirt off, I was ready to break _through_ the door to get to the pool.

She only made me want her more once she slipped into the water… I watched her body cut through the water and I felt like a proverbial deer in headlights staring at her every movement...

Sookie surfaced briefly, taking a few breaths and telling me that I was 'ogling' her again before diving down to meet me…

Rather than waiting for my lead, her hand went around my cock… her mouth to my neck…

I clung to her, enjoying the attack until she needed to surface for air…

Her hold was still firm as she gasped for air, wrapping her legs around me to line up and take me in…

Taking advantage of the lightness to lift and push down around me…

Knowing that the bond was responsible for how comfortable she was, and regretting not having completed it sooner…

But enjoying every tug, every clench, every drop… every second…

She giggled nearly the entire time we made our way to bed; collecting our discarded clothing, rinsing the pool water away in the shower, even as she removed her jewelry (except for her ring) and settling in for the day…

I finally asked, "What are you being so silly about?"

She snuggled closer. "I don't know. I'm just in a ridiculously good mood."

"I could feel that much."

She shrugged. "I'll let you know if I figure out why. Until then, I'm gonna blame you."

"Blame me…?"

We were interrupted by my phone and Sookie started laughing again, getting up to fish it out of my pocket to hand to me.

"It's just Pam." I tossed it to the other side of the bed.

"She'll just call back until you pick up." _Or sunrise_.

Sure enough, no sooner than the phone stopped chirping, it started again.

Sookie grabbed the phone and set it on my chest, giving me a knowing glare.

"Fuck… We just spent a week together. What do you want?" Sookie smiled and stared kissing her way down my body…

"I wanted to confirm that moods have improved since we parted ways." Sookie's teeth raked over my side causing a groan to escape.

"Much improved."

"Sookie is more agreeable to motherhood?" …_among other things_… at the time she was running her hot little tongue up my dick and digging her fingers into my thighs…

"Yes. The boy will be brought to Shreveport next week. Anything else?" _Not that I was interested…_ Sookie's game was more than distracting and the smile she wore as she wrapped her lips around my cock proved that she could tell.

"I was hoping I could help." Of course, she'd pick now, right now, this very moment to be 'helpful'…

"How so?"

"I shop. It's what I do. I was thinking I could help since Sookie and Adele are unfamiliar with the internet." Every time Sookie pushed down, she took a little more and… fuck… Pam wasn't ever going to shut up…

"There's a difference between couture and children's needs."

"I've had pets with children. You pick things up." Suppressing the urge to tell Pam to shut the fuck up was getting harder with every stroke of Sookie's lips… but when she pushed down to what I thought would be her stopping point and burrowed to take me deeper I gave up. My fingers tangled into her hair and I managed to dial a groan back to a mere grunt.

"You and Sookie can do some shopping tomorrow night at the bar. I have Bobby bringing some catalogs to them."

"Really?" she almost squeaked.

"Yes, really. If that's all you needed…"

"It is. Bye."

That's all I needed to hear. I tossed my phone to the floor, hoping it would break and freeing my other hand to grab more of her hair. "Fuck, Sookie…"

She pulled away, leaving an ache. "How am I doing?"

She pushed back down too quickly for my answer to come easily. "Perfect," was all I could manage as I watched her work, her eyes locked on mine.

Relentless and determined, she played and pushed until I couldn't keep myself still… until I needed more contact…

_Until I __**needed**__ to share blood with her again…_

What _**had**_ she done to me?


	25. Chapter 25

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 25**

**Boiling Point**

I woke alone. Hoping that Sookie would be joining me shortly, I found my phone and listened to yet another barrage of voicemails begging for Sookie's services while staring at the blood stains on the sheet and pillow case…

I found myself multitasking, using my laptop to reply to the emails and order a new supply of sheets while I returned most of the calls… and finally wondering why Sookie wasn't with me yet.

My confusion quickly became worry when I found her to be _hurt_…

Disappointed, upset… whatever the case, she was unhappy and nearby.

After the cluster fuck of an evening she'd had last night, I wouldn't be so surprised, but her mood had recovered (and then some) by the time we fell apart this morning.

I found her in the den, watching television with Jason… He offered an animated grin to go along with waving, but Sookie didn't spare a glance in my direction.

"Sookie, may I have a moment?"

She huffed, still not looking at me as she stood and stomped past me. She stopped in the hallway folding her arms as though she was the one waiting for some sort of explanation.

"You're upset. What's happened?"

"You're sick of me?" Her eyes started to fill and her lip trembled as soon as she made eye contact.

"Excuse me?" I was hoping her acting had suddenly improved and this was just a cruel joke.

"You're sick of me."

"This conversation isn't going to go anywhere if you don't tell me why you assume I'd be sick of you."

She rolled her eyes. "Bobby's giddy as a school girl that you bought a house and had it put in my name because…" Oh! _He is __**so**__ dead!_

I took her by her arms even though they were locked together. "Sookie, stop. This is why I want to kill the asshole. I didn't buy the house and have it put in your name because I'm bored or want 'space' or whatever it's called… If there is a vampire threat (namely Bill and/or Lorena), they can get into _this_ house because _**I**_ own it. I wanted to have somewhere close… a safe haven in the case of an emergency…"

I didn't have the chance to finish before Sookie slammed into my chest and wrapped her arms around me. She sobbed, "I'm soooo sorry… go ahead and kill him." She was embarrassed and relieved… and now furious with Bobby.

I chuckled at her, trying to comfort her by stroking her back. "Why would you believe his cynical little brain anyway?"

She groaned at herself, still talking into my chest. "I don't know… I wouldn't normally… if it was just the one thing, but he called the new car a 'parting gift' and he thought: 'it would figure that trashy little bitch'd have a little bastard running around that he'd get suckered into taking care of'… I spent most of the day scared that you were having second thoughts…"

"Sookie?"

"I'm sorry… I thought…"

I interrupted, not needing another apology. "Sookie?"

She sniffled, "Yeah?"

"I need a _really_ good reason to not kill him."

"Good luck with that."

Once Sookie had 'caught her breath', I followed her to the kitchen while she asked me to explain my loophole for buying a new car for her. She halfheartedly glared at me as I clarified that her little hatchback wasn't the most secure vehicle for a child since it predated most safety features. She blew raspberries at me when I reminded her that her car had no air bags or rear wipers and I was the proud recipient of the 'Baptist on Sunday' remark when I asked her if she was too pig-headed to recognize that Hunter's well being was in mind.

When Pam walked in with Bubba in tow, she was seemingly suffering from a 'guy moment'. "Sookie! Those shorts are indecent. I _love_ them."

She giggled bashfully. "Thank you. The tooth fairy dropped them off today… hey, what size do you wear?"

"Six. Why?"

"Because one of the brands Bobby grabbed runs small. Want 'em?"

Pam shrugged. "What the hell… we're casual tonight."

Sookie smiled at her. "On the dryer."

Pam was gone, nearly knocking Bubba over in her hasty exit. _Anything for clothes._

Sookie yelled for Adele that the 'sitter' had arrived and almost as quickly as Pam left on her hunt for new clothes, Adele appeared to greet 'The King'.

So help me, when she joined us, Bubba threw his arms around her with the biggest idiot's grin I'd ever seen. Not only was there hugging, but there was swaying involved as Adele apologized for falling asleep the last time they 'visited'.

When Jason broke away from whatever he'd been watching and became part of the group, his jaw dropped and his eyes bulged. Before he had the chance to ask 'the question', Bubba took his hand to shake it and told him that 'Miss Adele' had 'talked up a storm' about him… Bubba felt like he knew Jason already.

After asking Jason to tag along so that he didn't get pummeled for mentioning Graceland and reminding Bubba that he _**still**_ wasn't allowed to drain Tina, the three of us waited for Pam in the garage.

When she finally made her entrance, I couldn't help but roll my eyes. She'd pilfered through my dry cleaning to appropriate one of my dress shirts. She'd rolled up the sleeves and tied it in front.

"Seriously?"

She shrugged. "The blouse I was wearing just didn't work with the shorts. I didn't alter it at all. It's just tied." And big enough for her and Sookie to wear at the same time.

"And you didn't borrow a top from Sookie because…?"

"I didn't want to be all matchy matchy."

"She's… never mind. Get in the fucking car."

She had the gall to giggle because she got her way as she climbed into the back seat with Jason.

While we were en route, Sookie decided to broach the topic of Jason's impending beating... and I had to tilt the rearview mirror so that I could watch him react.

"Hey Jas. You remember back when Mrs. Norris got t-boned?"

He started laughing. "Do I!? She looked like a jack-o-lantern all swelled up…" Then he suddenly seized. His eyes made their way to each of us several times, while he slowly understood what Sookie was eluding to. "Nuh UH!" Priceless.

Sookie turned around, cringing sympathetically. "Sorry Jason, but you know somebody's gonna say something if you go home tomorrow and you don't have a mark on you."

The car shook as he stomped his feet. "Fuuuuuuuccckkk!"

Before Sookie had the chance to say or do anything to be encouraging… I heard two solid, wet snaps.

Pam purred, "You're welcome."

Somehow Jason managed to look even more bewildered as he patted at his bloodied lip. "Damn! You're fast."

She shrugged. "Vampire."

"Thanks. I guess."

"No problem… Sookie if you want him broken at all, I'd want to glamour him so he doesn't feel it happen."

Sookie settled back into her seat. "Thanks Pam, but I don't think the guys he works with are going to be looking him over that closely."

We knew we'd have to be creative when we pulled up behind Fangtasia and the line of applicants had wrapped all the way around the building.

Annoying as the prospect of putting up with speaking to all of them was, it was almost sickening to have them all bow as we stepped out of the car to go in. _Sad little devotees_.

I actually smiled when I realized that I found them all even more sickening than usual…

Our early arrival scared the shit out of Bobby, who'd made himself comfortable at my desk with his feet up. Fucking idiot.

He sprang to his feet apologetically and bowed… The need to beat him until there wasn't anything left to identify actually made my shoulders tense.

"Mr. Northman. How are you doing tonight?"

"I'm a vampire, you stupid, insolent fuck. How do you think I'm doing?"

"Uh… fine?"

"My mood was better before I found the piece of shit who slurs my bonded lazing about in my office."

"Slurs? I don't know what she told you, but I've never said…"

"You don't have to say anything to her, asshole. She's telepathic… Would you like to _**say**_ _**something**_ about the 'little bastard' my 'trashy bitch' has tricked me into caring for though?"

Pam and Jason started laughing at the look on his disgusting face, but Sookie and I were struggling to not attack him.

I probably shouldn't have gotten closer to him, but I couldn't resist making him cow… "What's more, the car _isn't_ a parting gift, it's far safer for **my bonded** than her old one. The house _isn't_ so that I can be rid of her, it's a safe house for **my bonded's** family… And after the persistent emailing stint you forced on me you should know that right now, it very much seems like you want to become part of the foundation to my Bon Temps safe room. Am I clear?"

His nod wasn't as obvious as the sound and odor caused by his bladder's release.

"You contacted the firm about the safe room?"

He trembled. "Yyyyy… yesssir… They have no problem with the installation you described. Now that they have an idea of what you want, they can be done in a wwweek. I'm meeting the carpenters about the aaaaaaddition to the ppporch tomorrow."

"And the houses?"

"The agents wwwere excited to get cash offers and pppromised that I'd hear something tomorrow."

"Good. You have 20 minutes to go change and be back. Leave."

His first step was ill-fated. He tripped over his own leg trying to get out of the office.

I couldn't help but have a little more fun. "Oh, and Bobby?"

He stammered, "Yes sir?"

"Don't try to run. You'll be followed."

Sookie glared at him with her arms folded. "Yes, even to your cousin's house in DeSoto, asshole…"

He looked as though he was going to cry… and it wasn't fair that Jason and Pam got to laugh.

"…And your friend Hugo's at 4764 Ponchi…" Bobby didn't give her the chance to finish. He was gone fast enough to leave her disappointed. She straightened her arms at her sides and growled. "I was just starting to have fun!"

I chuckled. "He'll be back."

Pam was amused at Sookie's reaction. "If you act like that when he comes back, I might have to hold you down… _You know_, you shouldn't shop angry."

"Shop? Pam, is that all you think about?"

Pam rolled her eyes around dramatically as though she needed to think over her answer. "Hmmmm. Sex. Feeding. Shopping… Is there anything else?"

Sookie laughed, brightening a great deal. "You should write for Hallmark… What are we shopping for?"

"I brought my laptop so that we can order Hunter's particulars."

Jason tilted his head like a curious puppy. "What do you know about kid shopping?"

"Half of the stores in the mall are centered on the snotty little dwarves… besides, if I can decorate Eric's house to his minimalist standards, we can manage a cute bedroom set up for a little boy that age. Clothes won't be a problem either and we should wait for his toys and entertainment items so that he can pick things out on his own. There are simply too many options to get things right on the first try… I saved links to a few items of interest for his room. I found a pirate theme, a knight and dragon theme and _the cutest_ little farm theme… the animals are just precious." _Auntie Pam?_ I had to bite my lip so that I wouldn't laugh, but she knew that I was amused enough to hiss at me.

Jason grinned at her. "I get dibs on the pirates." _**That**_ was a relief… I'd spend too much time at sea in my life… and pirates were tainted with the flavor of rum, brine and rodents. The only good thing about them is that they rarely wondered where their fellows were since they commonly 'fell' overboard on their own.

Sookie shrugged and started walking out. "You make it sound easy."

Pam purred at her. "Spending money is always easy."

While I _**tried**_ to catch up with invoices Pam took Sookie and Jason out to the bar to have them enable her addiction… My printer came to life within moments of their exit…

The first thing to be printed was a photo of the pirate theme and Jason's order of every item in the line… I was actually impressed that he'd take such an interest.

Five minutes later my printer started again. This time printing the farm and medieval themes and one of everything in those lines…

I supposed they were covering the bases to make sure Hunter likes at least one of his many rooms…

A few minutes later, invoices from three different children's stores…

"Pam, how do you know what size he wears?"

"Jason called Hadley for us. She's sending pictures to your email account for us too."

"You realize that children grow, yes? I doubt he needs…" I looked through the 40 pages of orders. "…37 pairs of jeans and 15 pairs of shoes." Several items were ordered in duplicate and all of it was the same size.

"He'll need clothing at both houses and a few outfits for Jason's house and the safe house too, right?" Any excuse…

"You make an honest point. You should consider his room in the safe house as well and while you're on your spree, I still need a couch and a rug for my office."

"Ooooh, really?"

"If any of it is pink or shag, you're going to suffer." I felt how deflated that left her… seriously?

I heard Jason blurt, "I need my hearing checked! Y'all can hear him?"

Pam's vampire senses were to thank for ability to hear me as though we were in the same room, so I listened carefully as Sookie explained how she'd managed… I laughed quietly when she blamed Bill's 'healing'.

It was easy to see that I wasn't going to get much accomplished. I checked my email account and started printing the pictures that Hadley had sent while I looked for any paperwork that could be considered urgent…

Hunter was a good looking boy; the pictures didn't show a strong likeness to Hadley other than his darker hair and eyes… the most noticeable thing about him was his eyes…

Not that his size or stature gave anything away… but his eyes spoke volumes…

He'd seen and heard far more than any other three year old should…

It made me curious to see pictures of Sookie at the same age… Just to see if she looked as though the weight of the world was resting on her tiny shoulders as much as Hunter…

There had been something about Sookie's eyes since the moment they'd met mine… and now that I was staring at photos of a child with her ability, I was starting to second guess how quickly I'd reprimanded her for labeling herself as disabled. I caught myself feeling pity for a child I'd never met simply because his eyes looked as though he'd lived as many lifetimes as I had.

Bobby was just coming back through the back door as I gave up my futile attempt to make headway on more than a week's worth of delinquent receipts and accounts.

"You're 4 minutes late, dickhead. Did you get lost?"

"Uhhhh… Nnnno sir… I… She's a _telepath_?"

"You already know that she is. How else would we know for sure what a deliberate prick you are? While you think of her as pudgy white trash, you should be made aware that her charity and kindness are the only reasons you're still walking." _Or breathing for that matter…_

"She… I… I should have known you wouldn't just hook up with a human…"

I growled at him. "Don't presume that you know **anything** about me. I didn't 'hook up' with Sookie… I'm bonded to her. Her and her family are formally protected by every vampire in this state. _**YOU**_ are an errand boy. _**YOU**_ are utterly disposable. _**YOU**_ will be gone long before she will and after the disrespect you showed her today, she lost her zeal for defending you. Now take your vindictive ass and park it in a booth until I find a task for you that you can't fuck up. And if you can't behave yourself, you will be a free meal for the first vampire to promise to discretely dispose of your remains. Have I made myself clear?"

After choking on an attempt to verbally resign several times, he gave up and ran past me while nodding.

Pam was flanked by Sookie and Jason on her continued binge when I reached them.

"You need to stop."

"But…"

"The printer is out of ink."

"Oh, that… There's more cartridges."

"Where?"

"On the shelf in your safe… where I always put them."

"Then go and change them. I'm not your Kinkos flunky."

She huffed and stomped out of the room, knowing that I was fucking with her… just not how much.

Sookie had an idea of what I was up too and gave me an impish smile before she became curious about Pam's True Blood…

Jason and I both watched her pick up the bottle and sniff before taking an inquiring sip… and then downing the rest of her soda to rid her mouth of the taste while I laughed.

"Sweet baby Jesus! That's just… _**awful**_!"

I was laughing at the lingering look of disgust on her face while she leaned over the bar to refill her glass… and Jason looked like he was going to gag. "What the fuck did you expect, Sook? It's blood!"

Sookie shook her head again… "I know what _my blood_ tastes like! That's just… those commercials are full of crap! That doesn't taste anything… _uuuugggghhh_!"

Jason had a moment of bravery and took the bottle… he took a sip and winced… then he actually took a second sip.

"That's just fucking wrong… Y'all actually like that shit?"

I shook my head in the negative. "I'm sure there are things you eat just to get by until you can have something better… I have to be desperate to open a True Blood."

He took another sip as though he was at a wine tasting and started shaking his head. "That shit… to me, and thanks to Pam's evil right hook I just had a sample, my blood tastes a little like a warm penny… that shit tastes like rusty nails…. Man… I'm sorry. Your diet blows!" I was just impressed that he managed more than one sip. Sookie tastes actual blood fairly often and couldn't stomach it… I was quietly amused that she'd probably be high maintenance as a young vampire.

Sookie got up to go around the bar and started pulling out the garnish trays… and pulled the fruit out of the cooler. The first thing she did was cut an orange and put a slice into her mouth...

Jason finally took a sip of his beer, watching Sookie… "Hey, Sook… what's vampire blood taste like?" Uh oh.

She thought about it for a moment while she worked. "Well, I wasn't really awake when I had Bill's so I don't remember so much. When I came to, my mouth tasted salty, but I'd coughed up a lot of my own blood…"

Thankfully, Pam relieved Sookie of the awkward subject change in her future with a loud squeal and I braced myself, hoping that my brat wouldn't knock me from my seat.

Sookie started giggling at the prancing Pam was doing as she came back into the room. She put her arms over my shoulders and leapt onto my back, leaning over to kiss my cheek.

"I don't even care that it's a jibe. I love it."

I shook my head at her childishness. "Then make sure you mention it to Adele. It was her idea."

She laughed. "I love that woman!"

"Who doesn't? Now get off of me before I have to do something drastic."

"Such as?"

She might as well have dared me. Stronger. Faster. And she still pushes me…

When I reached down and grabbed her ankle, I gave her only a fraction of a second to realize that she still needs to work on the way she words things with me… and then quickly hoisted her, holding her up to let her dangle… and I almost laughed when I felt a tiny bit of salt fall out of her shoe and brush the back of my hand.

Her mood was too light. Instead of her typical annoyance, she screeched like a tickled child. "I still love my present!"

"You settle down or I'll take an acetylene torch to your safe deposit box… rest in peace, Harry Winston." Sookie gasped jokingly and called me evil.

Pam calmed herself down to a mere giggle, but she swung herself over to hug my legs absurdly. "You win."

I was setting her down when Ginger entered from the back door.

I rolled my eyes at the bimbo's greeting, but Pam was oddly happy to see her…

More frightening than the idea of _**ME**_ being charged with the protection of a toddler… Pam had called Ginger in as 'technical consultant'.

Ginger, _of all people_, works at a daycare as a second job.

It didn't matter to us that she was only a 'playground helper'. The idea made Sookie and me all the more content that Sookie wasn't going to be working a 'day job'.

Her attendance wasn't a complete waste of time. She went to work behind the bar, helping Sookie set up the bar… she did have a little to add to the list of purchases such as a 'carseat' and suggested that Sookie find out if Hunter is a 'bed wetter'…

As 10 o'clock approached, I suggested that we start focusing on the wretched flock since the shopping could continue later… I had an errand to run when we were through the hiring process.

Pam rolled her eyes. "There has to be 300 of them out there."

Jason started chuckling and suddenly blurted out, "THIS. IS. SPARTA!"

Sookie giggled, "Alright Leonidas… We get it, we're out numbered… Any ideas on how we're going to not be here all night?"

"Yeah…" He hopped from the barstool and took the box of pens from the stack of applications I'd put on the bar. "…C'mon."

I have to say that curiosity had gotten the best of me. I followed Jason without questioning him… He'd already proven to have his moments…

The instant the door to the club swung open, the volume changed. What had been loud catty conversation became hushed whispers and murmurings.

I waited as Jason jogged the length of the line to the ones at the back to move in closer… And the line became a mob as he returned to stand next to me.

"What about 'those guys'? The ones Sook said were coming out to 'help'… like bouncers."

"Right… The Flood agency… and we should separate out the bartender applicants too."

He gave a very serious nod and then turned to the horde. "We need to separate y'all into groups. Can I get the wanna-be-bartenders to gather up behind us… And you guys from the Flood Agency over by the door?"

I watched in awe… 11 bartender applicants wandered over to stand behind me (thankfully most of them were vampires) and 5 of Flood's 'men' congregated by the door.

Jason started handing pens to the prospective bartenders so I handed out the applications… Jason held the door open for them, instructing them to 'belly-up' to the bar to fill them out.

Then Jason turned to the remaining crowd. "Alright, who needs a pen?"

It seemed as though half of the hands in the crowd went up.

"Really? Damn… Y'all go on home."

One of the 'ladies' standing closer to the front toggled her neck. "We don't even get an interview just because we don't have a pen?"

"Nope."

"The bartenders got pens."

"Right… seeeeee, bartenders don't need them because the _**waitresses**_ already wrote everything down for them. Ya don't show up for an interview without tools of the trade. Go on. Git."

Nearly every one of them trudged away grumbling profanities under their breath at him.

"Now how many of y'all thought to go online and print out an application?"

Five. Only 5 women held up their hand as they approached him.

As Jason led this group to the door, Pam burst through it hustling one of the bartender applicants out by his neck. "You picked the wrong ass to grab, blood bag." On her way back in, Jason slapped her ass and she kept walking. "Not mine. Your sister's… but thanks for thinking of me."

"Hey Pam, can you set these girls up to sit together?"

"If I don't are you going to _spank_ me again?" _Oh, that would have to stop_… fighting like children is one thing, but Pam doesn't flirt. Not playfully. Not for long.

He laughed and went back to his task while the Weres grumbled amongst themselves about Pam letting a human touch her… Jason cringed, leaning towards me. "I got you down to about a hundred. Any more ideas?"

"I've been with more than half of them… we can cut those loose." As opposed to having Sookie hearing and seeing that many 'encounters' at once.

He snorted, "What? Vampires don't recycle?"

"If they were worth recycling, they'd already have a job here. Sometimes garbage is just garbage."

He laughed. "I hear ya… Ladies, who wants a more private _interview_ with the vampire here?"

I rolled my eyes at the Anne Rice reference, but most of them shot a hand into the air, even ones I'd never touched.

Jason waved them to the side like he was directing traffic. "They're hiring for waitresses. If y'all wanna shop for your own vampire, you're gonna have to pay the cover charge. Go on. Git."

He seemed very proud of himself to have whittled the swarm down to less than 30 heads.

As he filed them into the club, he stopped the line twice… once to excuse a woman who hadn't bathed and the second time to excuse a woman who had already been drinking _heavily_.

That had been one of them… _one of Jason's moments_.

He'd certainly earned the beer that Sookie handed to him when we joined them inside. He thanked her and took a long drink.

Sookie grinned at us. "How many more batches are there?"

Jason belched and then complained about burning his nose hairs… If I hadn't just seen him weed out 90% of the fangbanger mob, I'd swear he'd need special shoes and a bib. "That's it. The rest is all you, but… uh… one of those girls ain't a girl. Just saying…" He cringed and turned to me. "He's got nice tits though." He shuddered and went to sit at the end of the bar.

I felt so very sorry for Adele… "Sookie…"

She giggled. "You wanted to bring him."

"Just because of Bubba."

"If you say so… I'm going to go get to work."

"Get to work?"

She offered a smirk. "I've got floozies, bible thumpers, and drainers to pluck… Are we letting it get back to Flood that you have yourself a telepath?"

I had to consider that for a moment, but I'd 'loan' her talents to Flood more willingly than some of the vampires that already know about her. I gave her a nod. "He wouldn't abuse your ability."

She wiggled her eyebrows at me on her way to the bar and grabbed an order book and then made herself comfortable in the booth full of Weres…

I wasn't going to like her strategy. If I went to my office, I wouldn't get anything accomplished so I took a seat at the empty end of the bar where I could keep a close eye on things.

She sat infuriatingly close to one of the Wolves. "Hey guys, I'm Sookie. I'll be your waitress tonight once we're ready to start testing the bartenders, but in the meantime I'm going to need y'all to help get rid of some of those girls."

The one she was practically sitting on asked her what she needed.

She gave him her sweetest smile. "Well, I'm a telepath and right now I know that the girl with the armful of jelly bracelets is _very wrong_ about what my Master looks like naked… but the blond next to her is hoping that Pam shares blood when she feeds because she needs a fix. She's got to go." He balked, most likely disbelieving her ability.

Since he couldn't leave the booth, Sookie gave a nod to the Were across from her and he took a moment before he finally got up to quietly escort the applicant out to the parking lot.

The rest of the table stared at her as she closed her eyes in concentration and there was a moment of agitation before she called out to instruct Pam that Bobby needed to have something thrown at him… Pam flung an olive at him with such force that it left a welt on his cheek.

Sookie hadn't bothered to open her eyes… "Eric, what do you want to do about Fellowship?"

I grinned at her while the Weres looked startled. "Just get rid of them tonight. The interviews were publicized."

She nodded and opened her eyes to point out the entire table of women that had printed out their applications and moved to sit on the end of the table so all of the Weres could tend to the plague… While the Weres removed them, I wondered if Jason had intuitively known something was amiss.

Sookie went on for the next twenty minutes…

"…dark hair, pink shoes… take her to another table…"

"…goth type in the skull t-shirt… take her out. She's an addict…"

"…brassy blond with big brown eyes is only here on a dare…"

"…red hair and freckles… put her with the other one…"

"…petite brunette and the tall blond next to her put them with the other two…"

"…blond at table 1, black hair and green nails at table 3 and the hoop earrings at table 5 are just hoping to meet their gravy train…"

"…oop, nuh-uh… leather jacket at table two is a drainer. Careful boys; she has a silver net…"

By the time she opened her eyes again, she had excluded as many 'church' members, blood and drug addicts and gold diggers as she could find and even managed to pick out the ones with little to no waitressing experience… leaving only 12 applicants out of the hundreds…

She smiled brightly at the group of Weres who were all staring at her slack-jawed. "Ok, boys… let's make it harder on them than just beer. Who's man enough to order something girly?"

She sauntered over to me feeling very confident, but reeking of wolf. "Well?"

I put my mouth to her ear, "I think you deserve a bonus."

She hummed, "I'm looking forward to it…" Then she called over to the Weres and had them eliminate 3 more for being 'catty'. "…The four sitting off to themselves are all clear of bad news and have plenty of waitressing experience."

"The other 5?"

"They're single moms and college students. They have practice, but in my experience they tend to call in sick a lot. You might want to keep their info in reserve for next time."

"Are you going to stop flirting with the pack long enough for me to interview waitresses?"

She raised an eyebrow. "No." Not fucking funny.

"Sookie."

She sighed, "Master?"

"That's not going to work." Well… _not at the moment._

"If I want to find a guard we can trust, I need them to be thinking about me… and right now, only 2 of those guys are behaving."

"What are the rest of them thinking?"

"Not as bad as that Quinn guy, but mostly that I need someone warm to snuggle up to so I'll forget all about you."

"Oh really…" One of them had heard her and the color drained from his face. "… So you _intend_ to continue to flirt with them to see how the other two react?"

"Just a little. If it worries you then why don't you interview the girls in the next booth?"

Sookie not only shuttled drinks, but ruled out all 3 of the human bartender applicants. One alcoholic, one was using his older brother's references and the other just wanted to rebel against his family's conservative beliefs.

For the next half hour I interviewed, hiring the four that Sookie had set aside and sending them to Bobby to give their information to…

…And I listened to the behavior of the Weres deteriorate. They'd each had 7 drinks which was enough to loosen their collars and ignore basic etiquette.

Specifically, most of them might as well have been drooling over Sookie.

I wasn't amused.

I was even less amused when two of them left the table to go to the bathroom with raging fucking hard ons.

Not fucking funny.

Worse still, Sookie followed a different one into the hall that led back to the bathrooms, giving me a wink on the way…

I didn't care why the fuck she was doing it, I was on my way to stop her when I heard him growl. "Even if I was single, you belong to the Sheriff. Knock that shit off before you get one of us killed."

He had the nerve to give me a level stare when I passed him to pull Sookie into my office.

She had a smile waiting for me even though I slammed the door. "All I did was tap his shoulder."

"This shit stops. NOW."

"I know. He's the one. The one from the hall just now."

"This isn't a joke! I've already let you get away with too much! I'm sending them away."

I saw her arm move, but never thought for a second that she'd actually do it… The surprising sting her slap left behind was proof of how wrong I could be. "Calm down!"

I lost my temper and backed her into the wall. I was only a hair from her face with my fangs drawn. "Why should I? You just spent the last hour flirting with a pack of wild dogs like it was a game!"

She met me, showing no fear, putting her nose against mine. "Not a game. A tactic that worked well enough to find a guard you can trust to watch my back, not my ass." She put her fists into my shoulders, not pushing me away, punching and standing firm.

"You need to find a new tactic. Flirting is _intolerable_."

She growled, "Because I'm yours."

"Of course, because you're MINE."

"You're being a butthead."

"You. Are. Mine."

"I just said that. I'm yours. Now admit that you're being a butthead… you're overreacting to extra giggling that you know was put on." And extra eye contact… extra leaning over… in those shorts, in that tank top…

I growled, "Sookie…"

"I'm yours. Your turn."

Fuck. Realizing that she might be right caused a sudden change in my momentum… I leaned forward in an attempt to kiss her, but she slid down the wall to dodge my attention so quickly that I almost smashed my face into the wall.

She quickly maneuvered around to hug my ribs and lay her head against my back. I growled, not only because I still wanted that kiss (and more), but because I knew that my blood was increasing her speed enough to cause my failure. I put my arms over hers and held them to me. "Now that I know you're getting faster, I won't miss again."

"Would you just admit that you were being a butthead so we can kiss and make up?"

"How do you suggest we make up? You've already said that you wouldn't fuck me in my office."

When she hummed against my back, it went straight through me. "The good stuff will have to wait until later, but we _can_ kiss now."

"You only call me a butthead when you're being a brat."

She growled, this time playfully and tightened her arms around me.

"I'm not being a butthead, but I'll admit that I might have been more bothered than necessary."

"You showed me angry fangs."

"Don't pretend that it scared you. Besides you hit me."

She giggled. "Don't pretend that it hurt."

Completely fed up with speaking to the wall, I turned around. "You're impossible."

"And what are you?"

I growled, "A butthead."


	26. Chapter 26

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 26**

**Reprisal**

I pulled away. "Sookie, are you going to change your mind about my office?"

She barely giggled through her panting. "You know what I've never done?"

"You've never let me fuck you in my office."

"This is only the third time we've been alone in here, _including_ the night we met. 'Never' would be overstating. 'Yet' would be better fitting."

"Now that you've given me a grammar lesson, which you've _never_ done, can I fuck you in my office _**YET**_?"

"You might be able to convince me if we had more time."

"Sookie, I'm a vampire… I have plenty of time."

She leaned away from me, bracing herself against the desk… and teasingly stroking her leg along mine. "You have work to do. You need to see how Pam is doing with the bartenders, hire a guard and you have that _mysterious_ errand to run."

I leaned over her, uninterested in anything but her body at the moment. "I'll sign the bar over to Pam, resign as sheriff, call the guard later and postpone my errand."

She giggled, "Eric?"

I growled when I realized that I wasn't going to win. "What have you never done, Sookie?"

She lifted her face to mine and kissed me calmly, running her thumb over my lips as she spoke. "I haven't… ever… made you wait… when we could help it."

"_**FUCK!" **_I stood up, backing away to stand clear of her.

She pouted her lips. "I'm sorry."

I scowled at her. "And _amused_… _**YOU**_ go check with Pam… and make sure your new guard is housebroken before you bring him back."

I'd barely managed to calm down by using paperwork and scheduling as my diversion. My 'enter' button paid the price though… I'd need a new keyboard before the next night… and a mouse…

Sookie was completely in my office before the guard was ever in sight. She was wearing a bright smile. "Pam has 3 bartenders ready to go. They're doing their W-4s with Bobby as we speak. Chow, Hamilton and Stewart… God only knows if they can mix a decent drink. I think she just hired them so she can make fun of their names."

"What's wrong with their names?"

"_Chow, Ham and Stew_. Mark my words… she's going to call them 'the buffet' or something in the neighborhood." _'Smorgasbord' since she finds the Scandinavian languages utterly hilarious._

She pointed to one of the guest chairs as an invitation for the Were to sit and came to stand behind my chair.

"Eric, this is Alcide."

I was probably too proud of her for her stance 'behind' me, but I reached around to move her to sit on my leg. "Alcide what?"

He cleared his throat and only sat once he was addressed. He'd been trained. "Herveaux. What's this about?"

"Sookie needs a guard."

He balked. "This is a joke."

"No. I'm very serious."

He blew out an amused huff. "Good luck with that."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not gonna try to tell you your business, but she was flirting with 5 sauced Weres right under your nose. She doesn't need a guard. She needs to be locked down during daylight."

I had to hide how tempted I was to do just that while Sookie laughed and started, "Alcide has some guard experience."

He shook his head. "Sorry, _chickadee_. I'm not interested. I have a job."

She nodded. "Yeah. You sure do. Your father owns the company. The guard job isn't full time."

"You're really a telepath?"

She nodded.

"Why the fuck did you pick me?"

"Because you and Jeff are the only ones who weren't being perverts."

He eyed her for a moment before he continued, "Then why didn't you bring Jeff back here?"

"Yes, the flirting was a check… He didn't get pulled back because he has a wife and kid. He could use the money more than you, but I don't want to take him away from his family."

He stared at her. "That's insane." I'm sure he meant the strength of her ability as opposed to her reasoning behind her choice.

She shrugged. "I get that a lot."

He shook his head with his eyebrows drawn up and turned to me. "Why does she need a guard?" _Because she flirts with 'sauced' Weres._

"Because I'm the sheriff. Because she's a telepath. Because she's under contract and formal protection of the Queen… While she's working towards being more nocturnal, she'll need an escort once or twice each week so that she isn't forced into being a shut in. And we'll need someone with her for travel."

"Travel?"

"She'll be working out of town from time to time. I'll be traveling with them, but tourism wouldn't be possible without their own guard."

"Who is 'them'? You said '_she'_ needs a guard."

"Depending on the circumstances, Sookie's brother may join us, but I'll make sure he's armed as well. The standard will be Sookie, her grandmother and her… _little_ _boy_." I wasn't sure how to 'label' Hunter… but my uncertainty was met with a peculiar feeling from Sookie when I referred to him as 'her little boy'.

"The guy that slapped your second's ass, a telepath, an old lady and… how old is the kid?"

"He's 3."

"What kind of circumstances would make the extra guard come in?"

"Her brother has a job so he'd only be able to travel when timing allows it. He would be traveling as an armed companion more than an additional guard."

Sookie added, "Sightseeing and stuff wouldn't be tedious or anything either. Gran's 83 next month and she tuckers out easily. An hour or two, once in a while… but for the most part, she'll be happy to sit in a quiet room reading."

"Babysitting."

Sookie shrugged again. "Soccer mom. Mostly just toting us around or sitting around doing nothing…" She grabbed a pen and started scribbling a note.

The Were was not amused. "That shit's just rude."

She dropped the pen and sat back against me. "You're right. I'm sorry… Who owns your dad's marker?"

He growled quietly. "You're sitting on him." I was actually amused that he said it as though it was my fault that his father is a shitty gambler…

"Ahhh, _**Jackson**_ Herveaux. I knew your name was familiar or a reason."

"How much does he owe you?"

"I can't be sure. I'm having technical difficulties..." Sookie shifted and looked into the trash bin… and proceeded to giggle when she noticed what used to be my keyboard and mouse. "…It isn't much…"

"It's enough that he's afraid of having to liquidate."

I shrugged. "This should make negotiations go more smoothly, I think… In addition to your compensation for time and travel, I'll freeze your father's debt until you've completed a one year contract then it'll be forgiven. This should help him excuse your occasional absence from work as well, yes?"

He shook his head. "There's got to be 30 others in the pack with more guard experience… you wouldn't have to forgive a debt big enough to bankrupt a multistate contracting company to hire them."

I'd already opened my mouth to answer him, but Sookie took the floor, starting with a hum. "Help me with that math… we'll use the 5 of you as my control group. Out of those 30 guys… averages would tell me that 18 of them would be horny jerks… another 6 would have wives or kids that would miss them, right?"

He nodded with an aggravated grunt.

"So out of the 6 hypothetical guys left how many of them would mention that I was off my leash? _AND_ have an out of town girlfriend? _AND_ a nephew the same age as my little boy?" She had the same peculiar feeling again.

He offered no noise this time. He simply rolled his eyes.

"And, don't forget that by advertising that we're looking for a guard we open ourselves up to job seekers with possible ulterior motives."

He rubbed his eyes. "Is she always like this?"

"Even when she sleeps."

"What if I say no?"

"Then you say no. I'll go to Flood quietly about candidates."

"You won't call in my father's marker tomorrow?"

"No. That would be bad business."

"How?"

"One doesn't open a casino in the hopes that their patrons will _**win**_. If your father's business is lost, so is his ability to repay me." And gamble… and repay… and gamble…

While the wolf seemed to be considering the situation and its prospects, Sookie absentmindedly started running her fingernails up and down my thigh… _bad idea_…

Not only could she feel my 'mood' coming back with a vengeance but she'd have to be completely oblivious to not notice my dick pressing into her hip… and she didn't stop.

I wouldn't even have to wait to pull them off… I could pull her shorts down just enough…

Push her over my desk…

_Shit_… the way she whimpers when I push into her…

The way she claws to grasp _anything_ when I fuck her from behind…

The way sweat beads up on her lower back…

"Eric?"

"Yes?"

"Alcide asked if you have a contract already written up." Fuck. I had to wonder how long I'd been letting my imagination run riot…

"I'd have to add the stipulation about your father's debt, but it can be ready in just a few minutes."

He quickly wiped a puzzled look from his face. "And that if something happens to me while guarding her, the debt is settled anyway."

I nodded, still distracted by torment.

He nodded as he stood to leave. "Let me call my father about the time I'd miss on site."

As soon as he was through the door, she turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow. "How are you supposed to fix the contract if you poked through your keyboard?"

"You're going to bring back Pam's computer for me."

She giggled. "What if you break that too?"

I growled at her. "Just go get it before your clothes end up in shreds."

"But…"

"If you don't get off of my lap, you're going to help me break the desk."

Something about my warning inspired her mood to move from playful to eager… her pulse quickened as her breathing hitched and it pushed me closer to my breaking point, but she left me…

The room's temperature felt like ice as it fell on the warmth she'd created.

She returned a few moments later with Pam's laptop and the Were close behind.

She stood in front of my desk and held the computer out to me. "I'll leave you guys to business." It was probably for the best. At least as far as far as Pam's 'digital catalog' was concerned anyway.

"Sookie, think of something horrible to do to Bobby before you send him back."

She was very tempted to say something along the lines of 'yes master', but thought better of it. She was gone again with a simple nod.

I motioned to the Were's previous seat and he cleared his throat as he took the invitation. "Bobby?"

I quickly started editing a standard contract, forcing myself to be gentle with the keys. "My piece of shit day guy. He's on borrowed time."

He snorted. "You sure you wanna mention shit like that _**before**_ I sign a contract?" Amusing point.

"Not that sort of borrowed time. Sookie won't let me kill him. His replacement will be taking over in a few days."

"Is he a piece of shit in a way I'll need to worry about?"

"Doubtful. He's been forcing his low opinion of Sookie on her at every opportunity. His attitude has become belligerent and Sookie spent most of her day upset because of his thoughts."

"Thoughts like…?"

"He delivered her new car in the hopes that it was a 'bon voyage' gift. Not only did she hear his assumptions that I was done with her, but he also had a few choice thoughts about the boy."

"Her feelings were hurt because she thought you were breaking up with her… but your thoughts don't give her nightmares?"

"I'm a choir boy."

He snorted. "Whatever."

"She can't read vampires… Daemons either for that matter."

"Oh… So humans… Weres… what about Fae or witches or…"

"Witches, yes. Fae, we don't know."

He nodded thoughtfully. "It's a shame you can't hire a vampire day guy."

"I don't need to… You're aware of the common feeling of superiority among vampires, yes? That humans are beneath us."

He snorted. "Yeah. That's not exactly a secret."

"Well, they are. We would know since we _were_ once human, but that's neither here nor there… I actually like Bobby's replacement."

He shook his head. "Will I be running into the guy?"

"Frequently, I'm sure. Her name is Paulette. She'll be needing a small vial of your blood when she arrives."

"DO WHAT!? I'm not really interested…"

"Don't be difficult. This is non-negotiable. She's a witch. She'll be warding my home and Sookie's and she'll need but a drop or two so that you'll be granted access to our properties. She'll also be binding you from gossiping."

"I'm not really down with working for a vampire as it is, but now you're saying you need my blood?"

I stopped typing to look at him. "I don't need anything except Sookie's safety. While she feels as though she can trust you because she can hear your thoughts, I'm prone to taking added precautions. Sookie, Adele, Hunter and Jason are all formally protected by the queen, specifically they're mine. As Sookie's guard, you will be responsible for the safety of an asset to Louisiana privately and on the occasion her talents are needed during the day. Furthermore, being in the position you are, there is a certain amount of state business as well as personal confidences you'll be party to. Knowing that you are contracted and bound to secrecy, and willingly, will make your presence less unwelcome."

"That's all it's for? Wards and keeping me from flapping my gums?"

I returned to typing. "In its entirety. Offer the sample however you choose. Have a doctor do it or have someone punch you in the nose. Pam would volunteer. She's already punched Jason tonight."

"They looked like they were getting along pretty good to me."

"He was abducted by another vampire. The cover story for his absence from work included a car accident."

"So she gave him that shiner to sell it?"

"Precisely."

"You fuckers are weird… So, what do I need to know?"

"You'll be needed to taxi Jason to his home tomorrow and take the ladies to run some errands. The queen will be visiting next week and you'll most likely be required for an introduction. Sookie and Adele will most likely arrange it so that you'll be needed on a scheduled basis to ease your work conflicts… You should get your passport in order since we could find ourselves traveling abroad."

"That's it?"

I nodded. "For now. For the next week Sookie will be working from here."

"The old woman…"

"Mrs. Stackhouse until you're invited to call her otherwise."

"…Right, she's fine with vampires… what about Weres? Does she know?"

"She was actually less shocked to hear of the reality of lycanthropy than Sookie was. You may very well find yourself being _interviewed_."

"Interviewed?"

"She is entertainingly curious and exceptionally broadminded."

He nodded, trying to absorb everything. "The brother?"

"He's… at first I considered him obtuse and simple in a cut-his-food-into-small-pieces kind of way. As it turns out he's actually quite clever. Sadly, he lacks the ability to apply himself. Case in point, his dealing with the surplus applicants and at the moment… he's trying to convince Pam that Fangtasia needs to add the MLB Season Pass to its cable package."

He started laughing. "Seriously? Does he not realize your customers would be happier watching Charmed reruns than baseball?"

"As would Pam… She's still embittered that the actress who played Piper opted for family life instead of porn."

"Aren't we all?" No shit.

I actually spared a laugh.

"Ok… the kid. Hunter, right? Is there anything special about him? I'm guessing that he knows about vampires."

Shit. "Sookie, would you be more comfortable explaining Hunter's circumstances or would you like for me to do it?"

"That's fine. He'll need details. Thank you."

The Were whipped his head around to look at the doorway, then back to me. "She heard you! What the fuck is she?"

"She's a telepath who's bonded to a very old vampire. Her senses are probably more heightened than yours."

"No shit! That's fucking… wow… I mean… damn!"

Getting back on track… "Hunter is the 3 year old son of Sookie's recently turned cousin. She's adopting him. He'll be here next week. It's possible that he knows about vampires, but your guess is as good as mine. He most likely just knows us by how our thoughts feel to him."

"_He's a telepath too?"_

I nodded. "We've yet to meet the boy because he was kept a secret. Before Sookie had vampire blood, she couldn't read Weres very well unless she was the subject of their thoughts, so you may have more mental privacy with him than Sookie. It seems we'll all be getting our education at the same time."

"Wow… that's one hell of a family trait."

"Indeed."

"All I got was straight teeth." And a strange reaction to full moons…

I'd just sat back, only waiting for the printer when our attention was grabbed by the most dreadful sound imaginable coming from the hall…

"_Every night in my dreams… I see you, I feel you… That is how I know you go on..."_

Bobby was close to being ended for singing _**AND**_ walking into my office without an invitation when I noticed the glaze to his eyes… Pam had glamoured him.

It wasn't the first thing I noticed or Alcide for that matter…

"_Far across the distance… And spaces between us… You have come to show you go on…"_

Alcide and I were both laughing uncontrollably at the fruit of Sookie's flawlessly wicked imagination…

"_Near, far, wherever you are… I believe that the heart does go on… Once more you open the door… And you're here in my heart… And my heart will go on and on…_"

Bobby had been 'made over'… a mop head was his wig… they'd given him freckles on his cheeks, and 'geisha lips' in addition to the bright purple eye makeup and drawn on eyelashes… I'm sure that I did NOT want to know where the bra and panties came from, but he was wearing them over his dress shirt and slacks with oranges filling the bra and a toupee from the lost and found box horrendously placed in the front of the panties. It looked like Chewbacca was going down on him. They'd painted his nails and he had a red feather boa around his neck.

When he was done butchering the already trite Titanic theme, he curtsied… Perfect! "How can I be of assistance, sheriff?"

"_Pamela_! Did you think to turn on the security camera?"

She laughed. "Of course I did… I'm not your favorite child for nothing." Never mind that she's my only child… _so far._

"My favorite child who just earned a virtual visit to _La Perla_."

Pam was standing next to me in a blink, practically twitching with an excited grin. "_Platinum and La Perla in the same night_?"

I smiled and closed her laptop, knowing that she wanted, no _**NEEDED**_ it back now that I'd dangled the proverbial carrot. "After that? Absolutely."

She actually giggled and kissed my cheek. "That's why you're my favorite maker."

She was gone fast enough to create a breeze… but she came back for a moment. Just long enough to reach into the back of Bobby's pants and yank his underwear hard enough to cause a rip, but only _**after**_ she released him from her hold.

Bobby was still trying to pull his underwear out of his asshole…

"Didn't I warn you about your conduct?"

He winced, continuing to dig. "I'll do my best to behave, sir. Do you have a task for me?"

I nodded, pulling my checkbook out of my drawer. "Several. The first of them is to find a red riding hood. You know the type?"

"Yes sir. Size 8?"

"No. _**Your size**_. You'll wear it when you take a basket of cookies to my associate John Flood, along with this check. You'll sing for him too. Little Red Riding Hood by Paul Revere and the Raiders. You know the song?"

He huffed out a miserable breath while Alcide turned and snickered into his hand. "What kind of cookies?"

"Bobby, what the fuck makes you think I know the difference? Just take him an assortment of fucking cookies and stop being a cunt."

"Yes sir. Is there anything else?"

"Something has happened to my keyboard and mouse. Replace them. Get several of each." If Sookie was going to be working out of Fangtasia, I was going to need them.

He nodded. "Anything else?"

"Pam is interested in spray tanning. She's quite envious of Sookie's bronze… Find a spa that provides the service in the evening, get one, report back."

He rolled his eyes. "Yes sir."

"Sookie needs a computer…"

She interrupted from the bar, "No she doesn't. Sookie doesn't know what the hell…"

"Sookie needs to stop eavesdropping."

"Your fault. And I still don't know how to use one."

"Pam and I will help you. You'll need it for keeping track of your work and more domestic things such as Hunter's schooling and shopping on your own."

I chuckled when she conceded with a raspberry.

"As I was saying, Sookie needs a laptop and a cell phone."

Alcide cleared his throat. "Uh, if she doesn't know what she's doing, she could probably use one of those 'For Dummies' books in case she gets stuck during the day."

I nodded. "Good idea."

Bobby nodded and offered a 'yes sir' again.

"Take cookies and the check to Mr. Flood. Keyboard and mouse reserves. Get a tan. Sookie's laptop and phone… and once her phone is in service call the crews attending to the Bon Temps home and give them her number as the new point of contact. Do you understand or should I make flash cards?"

"I understand. Thank you sir."

"Good. Now get the fuck out of my office. Your 'wig' reeks of vomit and Kahlua."

When he turned to leave, we got another laugh. Someone had written 'nobody rides for free' in large letters on his back… directly below it was an arrow to his 'coin slot'.

Once Sookie had made arrangements with Alcide to start their errands at noon and Pam introduced me to the 'smorgasbord' (proving how predictable she can be), everyone left after Sookie insisted that I 'be careful' on my errand.

My meeting wasn't going to take long… between the near bloodlust state Sookie had caused earlier and the task before me, I was too anxious… high on the promise of what the night still had to offer…

I might have actually squirmed while I waited for the door to the tiny house to be answered.

The house's sum total was only about 800 square feet, if that. Yellowed lace curtains in all three of the front windows of the dove grey structure with deep burgundy trim… The car in the driveway was old enough to not have any luster left to the paint… a 5th Avenue with a Masonic emblem on the back end next to the handicapped license plate…

… and while the car had handicapped decals there was no ramp, leading me to the hypothesis that Bartlett Hale had found _yet another_ situation to exploit.

Since it was nearly one o'clock, it took several tries at ringing the doorbell before I heard any movement inside and a few more to entice the inhabitant to climb out of bed.

The ever comical sight of a person peering through a peep hole inspired more than a few caricatures by Pam. While I usually found myself amused at the Picasso-esque image, I'd already had my laugh for the night.

He swung the door open, unleashing the stench of stale cigarettes, pork and moth balls. He angrily wrapped a short robe around his frail frame. He might be a more healthy sight if he'd been civilized enough to not be estranged to his sister who'd have been feeding him well for the last 17 years. "What do you want? Who are you? Do you know what time it is?"

"I want to speak with you. My name is Eric Northman. It's 12:51 am."

His lip turned up. "What's this about?"

"I know your sister."

"Adele? I haven't spoken to her in years. Is she ok?"

"She's wonderful, Mr. Hale."

"I don't understand then…"

"She's only 2 years younger than you are. I'm sure that you can understand how one could start to ponder certain things when they get to a certain point in their life. It seems Adele has some regrets."

He looked confused as he shook his head. "I'm not… does she want to see me? She…"

"No. Her wish isn't to see you. Your sister has had a life full of loss. Her husband died of heart failure. Her son died in a car accident. She nursed her daughter through two years of treatments before Linda was taken by cancer. Hadley was…" If I could vomit, I would have. The moment I mentioned Hadley, a predatory look came to his eyes that would shame sharks and vampires alike. "…Hadley was made vampire."

He winced. "A vampire? Figures she'd be running with the likes of those monsters… How about Sookie?" I could feel 'it'. I could smell 'it'. As her name fell from his mouth, it watered. My hands fisted in my pockets to keep from leaving a very messy scene.

"Sookie's gotten the attention of a vampire herself."

"That's just disgusting. Tell me Jason ain't out gallivanting with them… How Adele could let them run amuck… she should've brought 'em up better." The gall.

Before he had the chance to say anything else, before he could inspire a sudden change in my plans, I caught his eyes to push my will… "Mr. Hale, you need to dress and get your car keys. We have somewhere to go."

He nodded and he wandered away from the front door.

The I-20 had usually moderate traffic for the time of night as I instructed Adele's brother to pull to a stop directly under a traffic camera giving us 3 miles of privacy in either direction.

We stood on the shoulder as his tension built. Once I released him, he'd finally come to the realization that I was a vampire and was too petrified to act.

"Mr. Hale, you're aware of Sookie's ability to read minds, yes?"

"That's a crap. She was just trying to get attention. Adele just made it worse by encouraging her."

"Untrue. She's quite gifted. How else would she know about what you were going to do to her?"

"She's still telling those lies!?"

"No, sir, in fact she suffers the distinction of not being able to forget those truths… She and Hadley will remember them forever."

"Hadley told you… that little bitch…"

"Hadley doesn't need to say it. The mention of your name managed to make a vampire look like a scared child."

"So that's what this is about? They hired a vampire to do something to me."

"They didn't need to hire me. I'm here because I want to be. I'm here because of the thousands of people I have killed and beaten and tortured… Bartlett, you're going to be my favorite."

I took a moment to enjoy the fear wafting from his decrepit body as he struggled to find words. "What are you going to do to me?"

"I am a thousand years old… and in all of the eras and movements I have seen come and go, even through the days of having slaves and concubines, it has never been acceptable to pursue children… _ever_."

He sniveled. "I didn't…"

"Don't hasten your passage to hell by lying again… As though molesting children wasn't vile enough, you further tortured Sookie with your thoughts, your plans, your desires…" It hadn't taken but a moment… but when she told me I realized why my 'thoughtless' brain would be so appealing to Sookie… It wasn't that the rednecks she'd had the chance to date had such terrible thoughts… simply hearing them most likely brought back memories of Bartlett's perversions…

"What are you going to do to me?"

"Tell me, Bartlett, do you think it would be better to know, to have that insight before something unspeakable happens to you or would you rather just have it happen? Which one of your nieces do you think was less miserable in your company? The one who could hear and envision all of the ways you wanted to rob her or the one that only had to suffer through the actual event? The one who could hear how satisfied you were with yourself or the one that could pretend that it had just been a nightmare?"

His sniveling increased and when his knees began to weaken, I ordered him to stay on his feet… and watch. A tractor trailer sped by but its load would have jack-knifed and caused a news-worthy pileup…

He whimpered, "What are you waiting for? Just toss me into traffic if that's what you're gonna do, you bastard."

I chuckled at the irony of being called a bastard by a pedophile. "What I'm waiting for, Bartlett, is my perfect window of opportunity… you know the one I'm talking about… the chance to do something ghastly without being caught, without causing collateral damage or leaving any believable witnesses… Do you like how it feels? Are you alarmed knowing that you are my flavor of choice? Knowing how fucking much I'm going to damage you? Knowing that I'm about to devastate you and nothing you say or do, no amount of running will spare you from what I have planned?"

He shook like a sail in gale force winds… "What's in this for you? I don't understand."

"Your sister is a close friend of mine… While Adele has worked and loved and struggled through her life, she is deserving of the ideal… a peaceful, graceful end of passing away in her sleep. We don't feel as though you do. While I would like nothing more than for your sister to continue to thrive because she brings a charming accord to the lives around her, I feel as strongly about cutting you down, destroying you before you have the chance to think you've gotten away with abusing your nieces." I watched a large truck go by, that would have been perfect if it hadn't been for the small sedan tailgating it…

"So you're going to kill me for something I supposedly did decades ago?"

"Bartlett?"

"What?"

"Here it comes."

"What are you talking about?"

I pointed down the highway to the overpass where a truck had just emerged. "Can't you see it? It's a red Peterbilt semi without a trailer… _and it's all by itself_. It's about 2 miles away, but it's moving at an impressive speed. Are you ready?"

"NO!"

I taunted, "_Baaaaartleeeett_… it's going to happen… _you know_ it's going to happen… no one's going to know… no one will ever understand why…"

"NO! Noooo. This can't be happening!"

I growled, "Imagine how many times those exact words went through the minds of Hadley and Sookie, you repugnant prick!"

"I'll make amends!"

"You most certainly will."

"NO! I'll make it up to them! Just tell me what to do and I'll do it!" I knew he would look at me, beg me with his eyes…

And that's when I took his control… "You'll do anything?"

"Yes! Yes anything… Just stop! Just leave me alone!"

I smiled at him and waited until the truck was only feet away. "Then step into the path of that truck."

His body quaked, betraying his hopeless attempt to fight my influence… and took the first of his last 11 steps…

The driver's attempt to avoid plowing into the man who '_wandered'_ into his path was for naught…

Bartlett's upper body crumpled into a heap as the trucks momentum slowed, dragging him under the massive wheels and crushing him to a pulp and ejecting his scraps…

I was in the sky again before the traumatized trucker could gather his wits enough to understand what had happened, let alone remember that I'd been a spectator.

It hadn't been until I saw Sookie's small frame washing away Long Shadow's residue in the shower at Fangtasia that I realized that the stall really was _that small_… I'd gotten to believe that it was 'just me'…

I'd planned on taking advantage of the complete silence of the bar to take care of the lingering paperwork I'd been too distracted to attend to before…

As soon as I entered my office to dress though…

I smelled her.

I did try to ignore it, but forcing myself into my chair didn't help…

All it did was remind me of how obsessed I'd been earlier…

And I never touched the first inbox item…

When I stepped into the house from the back patio, I was met with the sound of laughter coming from the library…

The excitement in Sookie's eyes as she stood to greet me with a hug would have been enough to save me from my sickened mood even without the bond…

Bubba was the only absent party since Pam offered to stay so that he could go retrieve his payment.

Since Jason had fallen asleep after eating 'Dinner: the sequel', Adele, Sookie and Pam had done some 'light shopping' and other 'girl stuff' while they waited… seemingly, for me to return.

Pam kissed Adele and Sookie, eyeing me carefully as she said her goodbyes… She'd known too well what I'd been up too. As long as we've been together, she'd analyzed the 'recipe' of my moods…

Not that she always reacted to my frame of mind correctly, but this time she understood that there was nothing to worry herself with.

Once Adele had carried Canterbury Tales to her room to turn in, Sookie took my hand to lead me downstairs.

Sookie slowly peeled her robe away to reveal nothing more than white bikini panties as she backed to the bed. "I never got that bonus you promised." She grinned playfully as she laid back…

"I'd almost forgotten." Until I entered my office… then her 'bonus' was all I could think about.

She giggled and told me 'bullshit' as I yanked my clothes away and as soon as my leg touched the warmth of hers, I knew I'd wanted her, wanted this for too long…

Patience wasn't something I had left…

Just feeling her skin against mine was too much…

It had been centuries since I looked forward to anything so much as being with Sookie…

My mind was a riot of ideas and anticipation and I quickly found myself worried that I'd run out of control…

The more we rolled and pawed and bit at each other, the more Sookie pushed me…

It wasn't a game to her though… she was feeling me…

And enjoying everything, every touch…

Every thrust…

Every groan…

Every yank…

Every grind…

Every fucking bit as much as I did…

We clawed at each other and there wasn't a single part of my body left untouched by her mouth, her sweat, her blood, her cum...

I'd let go, forgetting the concept of willpower…

Only keeping my need for her blood in check…

We'd rolled out of the bed to the floor, her legs wrapped around me where I sat…

Her little hands fisted into my hair as she breathed into me, her tongue sliding against mine until she began chewing her retreat…

Her body writhed against me, around me…

When Sookie's head fell back, moaning, tightening her fingers into my hair…

She pulled my head, stabbing her own throat with my fangs and quaking…

Cumming as I fed from her…

_Because_ I was feeding from her…

And it made me cum so hard that I collapsed…

I had to carry her to bed because her legs were 'on vacation'.

She curled up with me and waited to catch her breath before she said anything.

Her fingers drifted over my chest… "Was it Bobby?"

"Was what Bobby?"

"Whoever it was that you killed earlier." A drawback to the bond.

"What makes you think that I killed someone?"

She stared at me for a long moment after clearing her throat. She was actually offended…

"I'm not underestimating you. I'm only asking what led you to the conclusion."

"You were appalled, infuriated, calculated, protective… then all of a sudden, you were better. Like you… read the end of a book where the bad guy dies."

"I could be feeling all of those things without having killed someone."

She huffed, annoyed that I was avoiding the original question.

"I didn't kill Bobby. Are you getting attached to him?"

"Awww, hell no… I was just curious. I'd joked about it, but I'd have felt really guilty… you know."

I kissed her forehead. "I'm still tempted."

She giggled. "Me too."

…Then she fell asleep without asking anything else.


	27. Chapter 27

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 27**

**Better Off**

At least she was with me…

Anchored to my side with her head on my shoulder…

She'd been too many places and done too many things to distinguish any particular scents other than her tears…

I'd have had a clue as to why if she weren't sleeping. I had a basic idea. I'm sure she'd been crying because she'd heard about Bartlett's death, but without her consciousness to depend on I'd get no hints as to how upset she was. No gage.

Thinking about the situation though, helped me realize that she most likely didn't hate me for killing him (at least, not yet). She might have a stake in her hand otherwise… For that matter, she most likely wouldn't have been attached to me.

I waited, running my fingers through her hair while she slept…

After all of the emails and calls I'd gotten since she became 'public', she'd have needed her rest regardless of the death in the family.

We could be late... Rather, since it's my fucking bar and she's _my_ telepath, 'on time' is whenever the fuck I say it is.

She didn't stir for more than an hour and when she finally did, her head, arm and leg slid slightly to find a 'cool spot'… a fact that still amused me…

The same simple amusement I felt from her when she caught me enjoying her scent. We really were a strange 'couple'.

I let her awaken, waiting for her emotions to come back to her…

When her eyes met mine her chin began to tremble, but she didn't move away.

In fact, she stared. Her leg and arm still draped over me while she seemingly made a mental map of my face and betrayed nothing of how she was feeling… as though she'd found some sort of light switch for our bond.

Without a 'cheat sheet' as Pam had come to call it, I became anxious… "Are you angry?"

"It _was_ you."

"Yes."

Her eyes welled. "How?"

"Do you not want to know why?"

The corner of her mouth turned down. "I don't know if I can handle that right now… Did you, I don't know, like… throw him?"

"I glamoured him to walk into traffic."

"Why not just toss him to gators? Or cause a 'gas leak'…? There had to be easier ways." Thousands… and most of them started with a snapped neck and ended with 'creative' disposal…

"Are you sure that you want to know why?"

She thought for a moment, breathing deeply and nodded.

"I stood at the side of the road with him… told him that he wasn't getting away with anything… I explained what would happen and how and he watched the truck that finally ended him approach from the distance… I glamoured him to step into traffic so that he could know that what was going to happen to him wasn't something he was going to have any control over. It wasn't something he was going to avoid… I decided to handle it that way so that he would 'see it coming'."

Her tears had finally spilled. "You killed him for _me_?"

"No. I killed him for me with you as my reason. He hurt you."

"That was a long time ago."

I had just realized that I was still absently toying with her hair… and that she was letting me. "What he did may have been a 'long time ago', but it still hurts you."

"Bartlett being dead doesn't make that go away though."

"Of course it doesn't, but it makes me feel better that he didn't die thinking that he wasn't culpable."

"He could have been turned in."

"Even if making your suffering public would have gotten him convicted, he'd have served out the rest of his years wearing one of those absurd locators on his ankle. I like my way better."

"You _like_ killing him better?"

"Semantically speaking, what I did was more of an assisted suicide… but yes, there was a pleasant amount of turnabout to how he begged to be left alone."

She buried her face in my chest to cry quietly… and I finally felt something from her… vindication and veneration…

"Sookie, how is Adele?"

She sniffled. "She's upset that… we were at the house looking around when the phone rang. His nurse… Gran doesn't know any details… the way the nurse put it, it sounded like he'd been in an accident. When we got back to the house, she went to lay down and so did I… Alcide's still here. He didn't say it, but he was too worried about Gran to leave." _She'd found a good one._

"I know this is off topic, but how is the house coming along?"

"It's beautiful… Gran said that it hasn't looked so nice since Daddy was alive. He'd just painted it before he died. That was the last time."

"Adele's pleased?"

She nodded and leaned away to wipe her tears. "Bobby was there with the contractors so we met them. We have two days to get furniture. If we have it all at the house they'll put the bigger stuff in the rooms for us so we don't have to figure out how to get a mattress down a spiral staircase… did you know that the rooms are like building blocks?… big boxes that they drop in and connect and then put the 'lid' on… it's neat." _Neat_.

That conversation had been easier than I imagined. _Yes, I murdered your uncle… We'll go shopping for furniture tomorrow night._

Too easy.

I sent Sookie to shower so that I could go check on Adele and texted to Pam that we were behind schedule, but I'd explain later.

When I entered the kitchen, Alcide was sitting at the island with a drink watching Adele toil restlessly.

The moment she noticed me, I was charged. She stood with her arms around me while she cried without a word and I found myself trying to remember the last time I regretted anything.

Even through Sookie's upset, I hadn't regretted it. I killed her abuser. The fact that I'd have done it again (and again) until I saw Adele's distress, made me feel conflicted… uniquely so.

The blue of her eyes glowed from the center of her red, swollen eyes when she finally settled enough to look up at me.

"He got away with it, Eric." I felt a sudden relief.

I pet her head, ignoring the confused look on Alcide's face. "Is that what we're so upset about?"

She nodded slowly. "He… never had to answer for anything."

I smiled at her, trying to make my voice seem calming. "He did last night, Adele."

"It's not fair though… Scot free. He got off scot free…" She wasn't catching on…

I gave her a level stare. "No, Adele, _he didn't_."

She searched my face as things came together for her and just as she started to smile, she laid her head on my chest to hug me again. "I'm going to hell."

I chuckled at her. "_Yes__**, **_but for being prideful, not for your lack of compassion for him."

She snickered and reached up to kiss my cheek. "As long as I'm not his neighbor, I can live with that."

"I'm sure that won't be the case…" I was interrupted by the doorbell ringing.

I watched Alcide spring to his feet to answer the door while Adele called after him that it was probably 'just Jason'.

He walked into the kitchen and tossed his keys on the counter and proceeded to fold his arms on the counter and hide his face. He looked like a child on 'time out'.

"Alright, I'm done. I dealt with the detectives. They don't know why he was there, but he just… he walked out into traffic. The nurse said that he was starting to 'slip' but it wasn't anything more than forgetting appointments. The driver said he was standing on the side of the road and the next…"

Adele left me to go to Jason and rub her hand across his shoulders. "It doesn't really make any difference… He was 85, Jason. He might have had a stroke and gotten confused… hell, with the way he always smoked and ate, how he's made it through the last three decades is a medical marvel."

"I know, Gran… I called Mr. Spencer and set it up for him to tend to things, but I have no idea what to do. How do you plan a funeral?" _In this case? Champagne and dancers_.

"Did the police mention if there were any friends?"

"I asked… The nurse said he never saw nobody but doctors."

"Then it'll be just us. That'll make things easier. Maybe we should have him cremated and we can scatter his ashes on your pond."

"You don't wanna put him with the rest of the family?" Since he wasn't looking, he was spared the 'over my dead body' expression Adele had.

"We don't know what his wishes were. He might not have wanted it."

"I know y'all had your differences and all, but… I wouldn't want to cremate him if he didn't want that either." _He called it 'differences'?_ He's protective of Sookie enough to give her grief over bikinis, but calls her molestation a 'difference'… _he didn't know_… He couldn't have…

I had to say something. "Perhaps a will… it could state what his interment plans were."

Jason nodded without lifting his head. "The nurse, Robin, she found it. That's how she knew to call Gran. He left what he had to Gran, but there wasn't anything about burial or anything in there… He probably didn't care."

Adele gave a nod. "We'll figure it out."

Jason finally sat up… and suddenly. "Anybody call Hadley? She needs to know."

Adele raised an eyebrow in my direction.

I smiled, understanding that she didn't want Jason to do it so I used 'vampire formality' as my reason to be the one to call her.

I had Alcide follow me to the den for privacy, leaving Adele to help Jason plan Bartlett's services.

"You killed a little old man?" Cute.

"An abusive criminal."

"What kind of abuse?"

"The sickening kind… How did the day progress."

He took a moment to make his assumptions and it seemed as though a light turned on. His posture relaxed. "The uh… Our first stop was _lunch_." Oh shit.

"Merlotte's?"

He nodded. "That Shifter is a prick. He'll be a problem if he gets the chance. Sookie went to his office with him… I know, I know… I shouldn't have let her, but even Mrs. Stackhouse told me it'd be alright… He wasn't an asshole until afterward."

"How so?"

"From what I can tell, he's none too pleased about Sookie being with you, but he wasn't catching on that I'm her guard because Sookie introduced me as her 'friend'… being with a fang is one thing, but being with one of his kind…"

"How bad was he?"

"Standard posturing. Growling. Animal jokes…" _Like Sam's leisure pursuit_ _didn't include getting his muzzle stuck in a peanut butter jar_. "…Sookie threw a salt shaker at him. She left a mark. I had to take the napkin dispenser away from her."

I started laughing. "Maybe I shouldn't have told her that Weres heal quickly."

He shook his head. "_Ya think?_... Some friend of Jason's was there. Hoyt… he nearly got himself killed trying to get Sam outside to walk it off… Merlotte was pissed enough that he looked like he was fighting a change… One of the waitresses sat at the table long enough to check out Sookie's ring and fly into hysterics… Some old bitch started in on Mrs. Stackhouse about postcards and complimented the 'advances in cubic zirconia' while she was fingering the rock around her neck… The bat looked like she was swallowing her face when Jason told her that the diamond was just as real as the Lexus you bought for Sookie. She found a reason to say 'hi' to another customer really fast… All in all… it was a fiasco."

"The weepy waitress would have been Arlene. Her boyfriend was just arrested for killing fangbangers. The bitch was Maxine. She's one of those women who thinks every new dress is a competition. Adele hasn't ever played along, but it's probably the only reason I'm not given any grief about spoiling her."

"Sookie gave me some back story while we were waiting at the bank. She flicked my nose when I told her I wouldn't take her back to Merlotte's."

"Maybe I should have warned you that she's a bully."

"It would have been nice."

"I'm not a bully…" Sookie walked into the den, looking much better than she had when I left her and in the dress and heels that had been intended for dinner and dancing. "…Is Alcide tattling on me?"

"Yes. What did Sam need the privacy of his office to tell you?"

"You mean other than trying to kiss me?" _Fanfuckingtastic_… another body to get rid of.

"_**Goddammit Sookie**_! That's the kind of shit you're guard is for! How the fuck am I supposed to keep you safe during the day…" She slapped her hand over his mouth, surprising him and entertaining me.

"Gee, I can't imagine why I didn't mention it earlier so you and my damn brother could go all Robo-Cop protective of me over a situation that I'd already taken care of… He was in a crappy mood after that because he didn't realize how much stronger I am now until I slapped him and shoved him into the floor."

I waited for her to take her hand away from Alcide's mouth. "You hit him? What else happened?"

"He told me that you got the job as sheriff by being a mercenary and cleaner. He said that it doesn't matter what Hadley used to be like because she's a monster. He called me an idiot when I told him I love you. He said than Gran not talking any sense into me was proof she's going senile and the cherry on top was when he called me 'just another gold digging whore' because I didn't notice any of those things because I was blinded by what you were buying me… Basically, he said what he wanted to say the other night, but kept to himself because you were there."

"As though my blood could make you strong enough to protect yourself from a full Shifter! You didn't overpower him. You knocked him off of his center of gravity. Your senses are heightened as are your reflexes, but make no mistake, Weres are second only to vampires in strength. If he wanted to hurt you, he could have." Alcide agreed with me as though I needed endorsement.

She growled quietly. "Fine. I get the point."

"Thank you. What did you say to him?"

"I went off… I went down his list of bullshit. I called him a numb-nuts for messing with the pet of a vampire mercenary. I called him an obtuse asshole for not being able to see that we were just grateful that Hadley lived long enough to straighten out. When he called me an idiot for loving you, I told him that even if I wasn't with you I still wouldn't date him because chicken shit isn't a turn on. He's wanted to ask me out for years and hasn't… _that hurt him_. I told him that even if Gran is senile, she's proof that ignorance is bliss." She left out her reply to the gold digging comment.

"You didn't hit him for trying to kiss you, did you?"

She folded her arms and looked at her shoes, trying to hide the grin she was wearing. "No… it was for calling me a gold-digger. I told him that he should consider himself lucky now that he's seen my 'true colors'."

"Good. That means I get to hit him for it."

She scowled. "So you can accidentally give him the keyboard treatment?" I'd have _**no problem**_ shoving my finger through his skull.

"Sounds interesting, but I was thinking that it'd be more fun to knock him out so I can shave his head and glue the clippings to the bottom his feet…"

"You have a thing for crazy glue and Pam has a thing for thumb tacks?"

I nodded. "We've been known to collaborate."

Her eyes widened. "You and Pam aren't allowed into Office Max are you?"

I smiled and shook my head. "Not since 98… You should see what Pam can accomplish with a surge protector and a…" She slapped her hand over _my_ mouth this time.

"That's going on the list of stories I don't want to hear."

I took her wrist to calmly move her hand, but she didn't resist. "Can I tell you what can be accomplished with gold leafing and glue?"

Her look, her posture, her mood… all of it changed in an instant. There was no doubt that she wanted to hear that story.

The wolf interrupted by clearing his throat. "Nothing happened at the bank. The three of them did what they needed to do. We took Jason to his house to drop him off and his truck was already there. He wanted to drive it so he followed us over to the other house… Bobby was there. You have no idea how happy the construction guys were that he was turning the project over to Sookie. Jason mentioned that he'd go through the room that Hunter will use and clear it out so that y'all can get a bed… I think that's it up until the call about Mrs. Stackhouse's brother."

Sookie nodded, agreeing with his run through. "Sounds about right… Paulette called to say hi because she misses us and told me to ask you if you have an inventory of your library so that she can do some shopping down there while she can…."

"That guy called."

Sookie looked at Alcide, confused for a moment. "Oh, JB? Yeah… He was just calling to see how I was because he knows I found Dawn and he hasn't seen me around to ask after me… I sent flowers to Arlene… I feel bad that I can't do anything for her… Did Alcide tell you about Maxine being at Merlotte's? She actually told Gran that it was nice to see that at least one of her grandchildren had some sense and found someone respectable to settle down with… Oh, and Flood called to bitch out Alcide for working for you."

"Flood has an opinion about your working for me?"

Alcide nodded. "I forgot to ask what all was public and whatnot. He basically thinks that you have some shit going on that makes _**you**_ a target. You know how shit works. If that were the case, then shit would roll downhill and his Weres end up dying… I told him I'd call him after I talked to you."

"I'll call him."

"So… what's top secret?"

"Nothing. Sookie is mine. She is under contract with the queen and has formal protection as does the rest of her family… 'Top secret' only encompasses what you're party to when she reads minds for hire."

Sookie added, "And Hunter… His ability is hush-hush until he's old enough to decide how to use it. K?"

He nodded. "Alright. Simple enough."

Sookie giggled at him. "You should probably tell Debbie how good my hearing is though."

Alcide actually blushed.

Intriguing. "What's this? An embarrassed Were?"

Sookie scowled at me. "That's none of _your_ business, or mine for that matter, which is why I mentioned it."

He cleared his throat and turned to walk out. "I'm leaving now… Call me if anything comes up. My old man's fine with whatever time I need off and y'all will need to do some furniture shopping this weekend."

While Sookie checked on Adele and Jason, I finally showered and dressed so that we could leave.

Sookie calmly lowered into her seat, seemingly careful to keep her dress from wrinkling and unintentionally teasing me by straightening her skirt over her legs and adjusting the halter.

She leered at me. "Like those leather pants are going to make _my_ night any easier."

"Which panties are you wearing?"

"Who says I'm wearing any?"

I growled trying to resist, but I reached over and slid my hand under her skirt. She _was_ wearing some. "_Tease_."

She giggled. "Black lace boy shorts."

I was already getting hard and if I had thought to bring the SUV, we could stop along the way. I rested my hand on her thigh… "Who is this JB character?"

"An ex-boyfriend of sorts. He's terribly sweet, but I couldn't get past how simple he is. We're still friends. He lives in the unit next to Dawn's and heard me scream when I found her. He stayed with me."

"The friend zone?"

She giggled. "Yes. _The friend zone_."

"You seem to be getting along very well with your guard."

"Oh yeah. I like him a lot. He's really nice, made fun of Jason for liking the Marlins because he's a Braves fan, sweet to Gran… He suggested that we make a list of stuff about Hunter to get someone to find out for us."

"Like 'bed wetting'?"

"That and… I was, you know, a bed wetter… I had a hard time separating my dreams from everyone else's. They usually mixed together and became nightmares. I don't expect much different for Hunter. It got better when I moved in with Gran though. I was upstairs alone instead of between my parents' and Jason's rooms…" She shifted, clearing her throat uncomfortably. "Anyway, Alcide mentioned things like a bed rail and phobias because of Tommy. His nephew is scared to death of sharks so they stick to zoos instead of aquariums… and we should discuss the 'dad' situation and make a plan."

"The 'dad' situation?"

"Well, we're all so preoccupied with Hunter and his ability that we hadn't given much thought to his dad… It got me to thinking. I don't think I want him to be glamoured to forget Hunter… Hunter more than likely couldn't be glamoured to forget his dad and it'd hurt for him to think that he wasn't loved… If Andre just glamours him that it's for the best, then Hunter could still get phone calls and we could let Hunter see him once in a while when we're in New Orleans. Like let them visit over dinner out or something. What do you think?"

"How would the adoption factor into that scenario?"

"I could still adopt him formally, but… You can't lie to a telepath, ok, well you could but he'd know. He's too young to understand that the lies are to protect him and still trust us to do what's best for him. It's better to bring him in on the plan than to try to keep it from him… besides… I thought of something else."

"An uh-oh?"

She nodded. "My telepathy is stronger now that I've had your blood."

"Unless Hunter is seriously injured though…"

"Eric, the timeline."

"What about it?"

"Hadley didn't know she was pregnant until she left her husband… then bonded to Sophie-Ann… she was turned because of the delivery… they're 'closely bonded'. Hadley was sharing blood with Sophie-Ann while she was carrying Hunter. We could have a whole new ballgame to deal with."

"Fuck."

"I've heard you twice now."

"I know."

"If he can hear you, vampires, we'd have to insulate him that much more." _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_…

"I could look into having him bound or… Sookie, there isn't anyone I trust that I'd be willing to talk to about our options."

"I figured."

"My blood, even as old as I am, has only really made your ability stronger though. You had heard me when you'd only had Bill's. Perhaps we're just too clouded."

"Eric, what language do you usually think in?... wait, that wouldn't hold water or I might have heard Pam… Shit. It would be better if I hadn't heard you. It's not like I got anything important. I wouldn't be worrying about it."

"When I talk to Sophie-Ann, I'll ask her to look into it so that we don't agonize over not knowing. It'll be better for us to be prepared."

"Oh, God… Wybert better picture himself in a tutu on a pony with a lollipop! He's only 3!"

I chuckled, picturing it myself, but even if that giant dolt could picture something so whimsical, he'd fuck it up by imagining a severed head in his fist. "We should wait then. I'm sure Pam and I can sugarcoat our thoughts long enough to test him. But the language idea… I know several and could _easily_ mask my thoughts that way."

Her head fell back as she wallowed in frustration… "Hadley is the only one I can think of that couldn't… She failed French in high school and she was sleeping with her teacher… I'd have to send Bobby out for mumus and… what are those things Muslim women wear?"

"_Berkas_? Why the fuck would you need those?"

"Because you have a dirty mind. Thinking in Slavic isn't going to do any good when you're picturing how to get me undressed."

"Do you think covering your whole body would make me imagine it less?"

She growled. "I. Don't. Know… I haven't even met the boy yet and I feel sorry for what Gran went through. It must've been impossible to shelter me from so much."

I laughed at her. "Sookie, stop panicking. You'll figure it out. He's already better off because he'll have you. You made it through childhood without the aid of another telepath or home schooling or someone who knows exactly how hard the ability is to survive with. Could you imagine what vampires would be like if we didn't have a maker? No guide to help us understand our abilities. No one to explain the pitfalls. No one to keep us from doing something completely moronic. We'd all be like the knob."

She giggled. "He has a maker though."

"Not a proper one and her maker was such a lunatic he was staked by another vampire before he was 100."

"Bad parents make bad kids?... I guess you're right, if my parents had lived… I probably would have killed myself or ended up in an asylum… Gran was the one who got it through my head that I wasn't crazy."

"And you'll save Hunter from the same fate. As unusual as it seems given his circumstances, he'll have a relatively normal life. He'll have an adoptive mother he can relate to, a grandmother to cook for him and tell him stories, an uncle to entertain him and I'm sure 'Auntie Pam' will lure him to the mall with toys so that she can dress him like a doll."

She giggled. "And a stepfather type who'd rip apart anyone who thought about hurting him."

"That too."


	28. Chapter 28

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 28**

**Black Friday**

"Oh. My. God. _You've got to me kidding me!_"

"What did I tell you about your ability, Sookie?"

"Yadda, unique yadda. Blah, valuable blah. _But this is just ridiculous_."

The crowd of waitress applicants had been nothing compared to the completely silent mass of well behaved vampire/pet sets. Lined up as though they were waiting to board Noah's Ark, a large section had to move so that I could get into my parking spot. "This is just the rush."

"Like Black Friday?"

"What's that?"

She forced a smile. "It's a shopping thing. Pam would get it." No doubt.

I was watched carefully as I got out of my car and went around to open the door for Sookie. Pam opened the back door for us and it hadn't latched before the murmurings began.

Pam led the way to my office. "Since you're running late, I went ahead and connected your new keyboard and mouse so that you wouldn't need to wait for the drivers to install and pulled up the disclaimer so that you can make any last minute changes and approve the additions I thought of before printing… the bartenders are doing well, the waitresses seem fine and the bar is at capacity without any of Sookie's customers since we were closed for so long. I had the line reverse so that the beginning is in the back. That way they can be led straight to your office. I'll go out as soon as we have some forms done to pass them out."

Of all the complaints I have about Pam… inefficiency isn't one of them. The rug she'd bought for my office was…

"Turquoise Pam?"

She put her hands on her hips and snapped, "You're welcome."

"You are an amazing second, Pamela… but, what the fuck? Turquoise? Swirls?"

Sookie giggled. "I'm going to the bar to get a drink and look for problems while y'all fight about interior design and print stuff. K?" She kissed me, then Pam's cheek and whispered that she liked the damn rug.

As soon as the door was closed, Pam snarled at me. "It's not like it's flowery. It's mostly brown… cappuccino and robin's egg… do you at least like the sofa?"

I sat on it, laid on it, gave a bounce or two… "I don't hate it… the brown leather should be easy to keep clean… the rug isn't horrible either. It'll grow on me." I went to my desk to look at the form.

"_It's a futon_… it slides down in a second to a full sized bed…"

_Fuck the form_… I went back to the sofa and lifted the edge of it and it practically became a bed by itself. "_Genius_!"

"I thought it might make up for the rug." _Oh… It did… and then some_.

I laughed. "What rug?"

She started to chuckle, enjoying her small victory. "I'm happy that you're happy. Now stop playing and get to work."

Once the bed was a sofa again, I snarled at Pam jokingly. "Just because I want to get done with work."

"And Sookie can help with christening your new toy. _You_ call _me_ predictable… Your tardiness, is there something to be concerned about?"

"Not really. I spent a few minutes getting an update from Alcide. The errand running went well today. The bulk of the early evening was taken by a death in the family. Adele's brother died."

"Oh no! What happened?" _Genuine concern?_

"I killed him."

She gasped. "You killed _Gran's_ brother?"

"I've been planning to for a while now, but our trip to New Orleans delayed it. He molested Sookie when she was a child and as it turns out, he'd done the same to Hadley and made an attempt at Linda."

"If they ever find out…"

"They know. Sookie knew that I'd killed someone when I returned last night. She'd felt it. When they got the news today, she put two and two together."

"Gran?"

"She was only upset until she discovered that I'd done it… _You added a signature line for the pet_?"

"To cover our asses. If some weird legal loophole opens up they can't say later that they didn't know. Who cares if their master glamours them?"

"Good thinking."

"When they come in, all you have to do is take their IDs and copy them. There's a box of folders at your feet."

I smiled at her. "You've thought of everything… I could _retire_."

"Don't even joke about leaving me as sheriff! I'll run away and change my name!"

I laughed, "Again?"

She rolled her eyes, and changed the subject. "You said that the Were is working out well?"

I nodded and started the printer. "He made a minor mistake and let Sookie be alone with her riled former employer, but he didn't defend his mistake. He seems to get along well with Sookie and Adele. He had some helpful suggestions in regards to Hunter… As long as he keeps his fucking paws off of Sookie, I think he'll do just fine."

"Flood called about an hour ago."

"I'll have to call him later."

"It's already 10."

"Shit. Go check on Sookie for me?"

She gave a nod and turned to leave…

When I was done explaining to Flood that his Were hadn't been hired as a 'meat shield', I took the stack of forms out to the bar…

Sookie was sitting at the bar, chiding one of the new waitresses for not brushing her teeth after a cigarette… "If I can smell it, your vampire customers are gonna be repulsed and there go your tips. Even if you don't give a fig about tips, have some common courtesy. Go wash your hands and suck a lemon from the garnish tray. _That_ smell won't be as nasty to them. Damn."

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry." The waitress lowered her head and walked away and I couldn't help but be impressed.

One of the new bartenders leaned over the bar. "Much appreciated, ma'am."

Sookie smiled at him. "Anytime, Hamilton. Any complaints?"

"That's the only thing I've noticed."

She nodded. "She's one of the new girls. They know how to wait a table, they just aren't used to being around y'all."

"Obviously." He pointed over Sookie's shoulder to one of the other new waitresses who had made herself comfortable in a booth with a vampire.

Sookie cut her eyes up at me and huffed as she slid off of her stool. "Y'all should have drained Ginger a long time ago. That bimbo skipped info that could get the new girls in trouble."

I laughed as she stomped away to deal with the 'Waitressing a la Hooters' and found Pam to give the forms to her.

"It's a shame she's a telepath. She'd make one hell of a bar manager."

"You've been listening?"

She nodded with an entertained look. "While you were on the phone, she found a coed with a fake ID and someone with a stolen credit card. She bounced them herself." _Amusing, but dangerous._

"You let her?"

"They were human and I was watchful. They didn't put up a fight."

"I don't like it. That kind of bullshit is secondary to her safety… Pull rank next time."

"Alright. She'll be difficult though. Don't forget she used herself as bait for a serial killer."

"That's why I'm concerned."

Sookie dragged a chair behind my desk and made herself comfortable at the corner with a pad of paper and a stack of Post-Its while I made sure that the printer had plenty of paper.

"Are you ready for this?"

She huffed out a deep breath. "I don't know. I guess we're about to find out."

"If you need a break or want to just quit, say the word. Charity is the only thing keeping you here."

"If it hadn't been such a long day, this'd be a cake walk. _You know that_."

"My timing with…"

"Not just Bartlett. Sam's crap, worrying about Hunter, poor Alcide…"

"Poor Alcide?"

She frowned. "He doesn't like vampires in general. He's never seen a situation between Weres and vampires that worked out well. The only reason he took the job was because of his dad's debt… His dad gave him a really hard time about taking the job… Told him it'd serve him right if something happened to him. And because he's guarding me, his girlfriend is giving him a hard time too. All of that going on and he still isn't crappy towards us. Even his thoughts. The grouchiest thing he thought all day long, except for at Merlotte's, was that maybe if the pack ended up needing me for something they'd back off… I kind of hope they do." _Lovely. I hadn't figured he'd be a fucking pussy._

"What did he think at Merlotte's?"

She snorted. "I'm not repeating it. He re-invented the profanity dictionary while Sam was standing at the table being a jerk. His brain was a mess of violence, but he behaved so he wouldn't make a scene." At least he was capable of behaving protectively.

"You _really shouldn't_ go back to Merlotte's. Sam could hurt him in fight. If you feel like you have to go, wait for night and I'll take you. You shouldn't have flicked Alcide for mentioning it."

"I didn't flick him for _**that**_! Big jerk. I'm gonna do more than flick him the next time I see him. He told me that he'd call in dead the next time Merlotte's was on the list of errands and that he wasn't taking me out of the house again dressed like an N'Sync groupie…"

I snorted out a laugh. "An N'Sync groupie? What were you wearing?"

"A tank top and some dukes… _He got flicked_ when he told me that 'spoken for' girls only dress 'like that' for their man and then Jason high fived him." I felt better about Herveaux already… worse than the friend zone… the brother zone.

Sookie's first customer was one of the vampires from my area. Darius had brought in 3 of his boy toys for screening and Sookie found 2 of them to be clear of general deceit, but one of them was selling street drugs and turning a respectable profit while using his car… In the scheme of things, the pet's source of income was of little matter, but as Sookie so eloquently put it, Darius's car being used for drug delivery could 'come back to bite him in the ass, pun intended'. Darius left feeling as though he'd gotten his money's worth…

And it had taken Sookie 7 minutes to earn $3000.

An hour and 14 satisfied vampire customers later, Sookie had read (and cleared for the most part) 19 more pets, day guys and accountants.

Sookie had just taken a break to use the restroom and order dinner since she'd slept through it and when she was done ordering, she didn't wait for introductions to be made before she stared a hole into the vampire entering the office.

"King Edgington could have just called the Queen to confirm my ability. That'll be $1000."

The human in company gasped, "Holy shit!"

The vampire smiled at her. "I volunteered to have my pet screened when the King mentioned his curiosity, sheriff." _Right…_ It was far more likely that he'd been in the vicinity when Edgington heard the gossip about Sookie and was handed an assignment…

I nodded and invited the lying asshole to take a seat. Once he'd paid the fee and signed the agreement, Sookie proceeded to pick the pet's brain more deeply than she had the others… She revealed a plethora of details… useless information really… The only flavor of gum she's allowed to chew is Double Mint. The sofa in her master's house has purple pillows. He feeds in public and fucks in private. She went to Blanchette High School and her first boyfriend had freckles everywhere…

By the time Sookie was done, Geoffrey and his pet's mouths were hanging open.

"Is there a reason I was tested?"

It took him a moment to collect himself. "No. The King is the pragmatic sort. He was curious so that he might consider your services should a need arise."

She nodded. "Let him know that any questions he has can be answered by emailing Master."

He nodded and left. He was probably dialing Edgington on his way through the parking lot to happily report that Sookie's existence wasn't just a rumor. _**That**_ would be another contract for Sookie. He'd pay through the nose to be 2nd in line for the use of her ability.

Her next client was Dennis Williams. While his name was boring as fuck, he was known as one of the cruelest sheriffs in the Americas. While I had the distinction of being considered 'ruthless', was brutal as sport. He'd come all the way from his area in Missouri to have his nasty blood bags read… and they were… all four of them looked as though they'd just been bailed out of prostitution charges…

He hadn't bothered with their names, a trend that had already started to wear on Sookie's nerves, and when he sat he swatted one of their legs because she wasn't far enough behind him.

Sookie scribbled notes quietly as her agitation grew and Dennis became impatient.

"The chat outside is that you're pretty good at this shit. You're not much for show though. Are you already…"

"Shhhhh."

He snarled at her. "Who do you…"

She huffed, "Fine, Mr. Patience. Since you won't shut up… You dress them like whores and beat them like dogs. Last night you loaned 2 of them out and they hate you… but they're afraid to take off."

"That's it?"

She shrugged and went back to scribbling notes. "They think you're so mean because you aren't packing much."

"_Packing_…!?" He whipped his head around to snarl at them.

"They can't help what they think. Besides, even if they weren't terrified of you, us girls don't tend to bring that stuff up. I wouldn't have if you'd been nicer."

"Is that it? They're scared of me and think I…"

"…Have a penis small enough to be considered 'cute'? Yeah… I could go on but it think you get it without hearing that… Do you know what a 'Fraggle' is?"

The look on his face when he spun around to interrupt Sookie was almost as 'cute' as his dick. "I get it!"

"They call it the 'Fraggle Rock'… you know…" _Small, furry and annoying?_

He growled and stomped out of the room, slamming the back door and leaving his pets there to stare at Sookie.

She gave them a sympathetic pout. "I know, but he won't kill you over it."

As they left, Pam arrived at the door with a paper bag and a disgusted look on her face. Sookie's smile brightened and she raced over to Pam to take the bag and close the door…

She leaned against the door and whispered, "I lied."

"I could tell. What were you lying about?"

"There's still time to catch up to him if you want… they take his blood while he's dead for the day." Why the fuck…?

"_And you covered for them?_"

"They don't sell it or drink it or you know I would've busted them and reminded him not to kill them in your Area like I did with the one from earlier… but it's kind of fitting considering what he does to them… they take it to a children's hospital and give it to kids with autoimmune disorders… you know, because it makes humans stronger."

Pam laughed, partially at the do-or-don't look on my face. "Do vampires get to have moral dilemmas?"

I might have been more inclined to go after the prick if Sookie didn't feel just as torn as I was… appalled that they're taking his blood when he's defenseless/seeing a karmic humor to the fact that the bastard was doing something charitable whether he knew about it or not…

"What is your reason for not just telling him while he was here?"

"It's not like they'll hurt him. They've been doing it for a while and he doesn't know because he takes so much from them… He's going to find out eventually and he'll kill them, but what's the harm in letting them get some payback and doing something generous in the process?"

Pam added, "…And he's a pompous stack of shit."

I laughed at them. "Of course there's that… I _should_ go tell him, but he's not in danger and he's almost certainly too embarrassed about being hung like a smurf to talk."

Sookie blushed and giggled. "Fraggle."

Pam stayed in the office to pry while Sookie ate her sushi… Since she'd waited until so late to order, her choices had been limited. She'd ordered a salad as a precaution, but wanted to try sushi since she'd never had the chance… Rather, she'd resorted to having me order it for her since the woman to answer the phone had a limited knowledge of English and had no idea of what Sookie meant by 'sampler'.

While Pam twitched every time Sookie took a bite, I couldn't help but be entertained. She'd lift the item to her nose first then test it with a nibble. She'd only found one type that she wasn't fond of and the squid was completely ignored. She'd tested the accompanying sauces and dips with her finger first and when she was done she took her purse and her leftovers to the locker room…

She'd enjoyed the wasabi enough that her lips were tingling… Not only could I feel it, but the way she unconsciously nibbled at the odd sensation was getting to me…

I'd felt her mood improving while she ate. It wasn't as though she'd felt hungry, simply run down. The improvement was obvious when she returned. Her eyes and smile were lighter, less weighed down.

She'd brushed her teeth, gotten a soda from the bar and given her salad to Ginger… And she returned to her seat determined to get through the rest of the waiting line without taking another break.

Over the next hour we saw more of the same. Another 20 pets and servants came and went. And, yes, she did find another pet that was taking blood from his master during the day and reported him. While Sookie felt sorry for the vampire, I had no sympathy. That was the kind of shit that would be prevented if he'd simply rested secretly…

One vampire had passed a note to Sookie when he introduced himself. He'd driven up from Baton Rouge because he suspected his pet of stealing from him. Why a bloodbag was worth $1000 and a 4 hour drive was beyond me. It would have been far easier to just trade her in. She wasn't stealing… her sudden ability to pay her own bills came from selling the clothing he was buying for her after she'd worn them…

I found that I felt as though I was watching a horrible vampire soap opera.

The occasional vampire who entered my office was justifiably having Sookie read their Bruces and Bobbys… but the pets… _they annoyed me_. There wasn't a single 'special' thing about them that would make them irreplaceable.

It reminded me why I didn't keep pets.

It was just after 1 when Pam led the last of Sookie's clients into the office. Knowing that it was almost over brought a wide smile to Sookie's face as she quickly told Bernice that her 17 year old pet was only with her to be turned and informed her that she should've known better since he has a 'Twilight apple' tattooed on his back.

They hadn't even reached the back door before Sookie was on my lap sideways with her hands resting on my neck.

"You know, I really do love you."

"What brought this on?"

"Not that I needed another reason, but all of that crap makes me appreciate you all the more."

"You're the pet of a bastard vampire mercenary sheriff and you're happy?"

She giggled. "It's not like you bring work home with you."

"Ah, but I take you to work."

Her thumbs skimmed back and forth lightly and her mood shifted. "Speaking of work, we should settle up."

I pulled her closer. "What are we settling?"

"Rent… I used your office _all night_."

I slid my hand up her thigh… under her skirt… and found that she'd taken off her panties… I growled, "You already know what I want."

She breathed against my neck, "I can't read your mind."

My eyes rolled back as she started to nibble and I slid my hands over her thigh. "But you can feel it."

She bucked when my fingers grazed over her clit. She whimpered, "I'd feel more if we weren't wearing so much."

I grabbed her hair to push her mouth to mine and she started to unbutton my shirt as she squirmed in my lap.

"Dammit! I was hoping to catch you before… well, before." Pam's intrusion was only slightly less annoying because the door was left open. It was only a matter of time before something interrupted.

Sookie hid her face against my neck, embarrassed that we'd been 'caught', but the way she'd suddenly crossed her legs had trapped my hand. The heat in her face could be felt through my shirt. I gave an extra flick of my finger and she twitched and punched my shoulder simultaneously.

I rolled my eyes at Pam. "What?"

"I was just… there's a couple of loners out there. They've been here for a while. I was wondering if…"

Sookie interrupted, sighing without taking her face away from my neck. "Where are they?"

"At the end of the bar by the ATM and booth 6."

Sookie concentrated, becoming completely still. Since I wasn't embarrassed, only irritated… I continued to play and rubbed my finger over her clit again… she responded with a turn and bit my shoulder through my shirt…

Pam rolled her eyes as she waited.

Sookie finally cleared her throat. "The one at the end of the bar was stood up _and she needs a cab_… The one in the booth is looking for Long Shadow. He owed his master money."

Pam gave a satisfied shrug and turned to leave, locking the door and thanking Sookie along her way.

"Where were we?"

She lifted her flushed face to scowl at me. "We were about to have sex in an open room."

I went back to rubbing her, watching her eyes fight to fake her upset. "I can go open the door if you want."

She squeaked when I lifted her, taking her to the couch and she gave me a wicked smile when I lowered it to a bed.

The futon…

The desk…

The chair…

The futon again…

For the next two hours we ruined my office to the point that it would reek of fucking and her blood for a while…

Sookie had collapsed on top of me, still gasping for air somewhere under the sweaty tangle of hair when there was a knock on the door.

"Enjoying the futon?"

Sookie chuckled in between gasps. "Pam, you're full of awesome."

Pam cackled in the hall. "All closed up. I'm leaving. I'll stop by your house to drop off Bubba's dinner and those boxes." _Boxes?_

Sookie lifted her head to look at the door. "Awww, thanks."

"Call if you need me for anything."

Sookie waited for a few minutes before testing her legs… She unsteadily searched the room for her shoes.

I hadn't budged. I was still considering staying a while longer… now that the bar was empty.

She stood with her hands on her hips, waiting for me to take her dress down from the light fixture. When I didn't get up, she huffed and stomped over to my desk chair, then stepped onto my desk to grab it herself.

"Coooome onnnn… Don't be a turd. We need to get home."

"What can we do at home that we can't do here?"

"Have sex until the sun comes up."

She shimmied into her dress and pulled her panties out of her purse to put them on. "We could do that here."

Sookie came over and took my hand, pulling and leaning with everything she had. "If we did that, Gran would worry because we'd be stuck here all day."

I laughed at her attempt. "You'd be free to go home at dawn."

She dropped my arm and gasped. "I wouldn't leave you here!"

"Why not? I've rested here before."

She plopped down on the edge of the futon next to me. "Oh. My. God. That's so… so… so _**stupid**_! What if some jerk decided to burn the place down on the day you stayed here! Nuh-uh! If I'm not allowed to take chances then you aren't either."

"Oh really?" I couldn't help but be amused that she'd order me to do anything.

"Really… I'll guilt you if I have to, but you're lucky this place hasn't been fire bombed already."

"Guilt, huh?"

Her eyes welled. "I couldn't stand it if something bad happened to you."

"_Ah, the Baptist on Sunday routine_."

She slapped my stomach, taking on an angry look. "Fine! Screw you too then, buddy! Do whatever you want."

She stood up and grabbed her purse… and stormed out. "Where are you going?"

"I'll walk home." She promptly slammed the back door shut to punctuate her little tirade.

"YOU WILL NOT!" I jumped up and grabbed my pants, wrestling to get the fucking things on without pulling them apart…

By the time I opened the back door to go after her, she was out of sight and her heels were angrily stomping away.

I had to go back for my keys and when I reached her, she didn't look back.

I rolled down the window. "Sookie, get in the car."

"No." if she was trying to piss me off, she was doing a spectacular job.

"Get in the fucking car."

"Leave me alone."

"You're acting like a child! Get in the fucking car."

"Go to hell."

"You don't have a choice. Get in the fucking car or I'll put your ass in it myself."

"_Oooooh, big shocker_. Eric's going to do whatever he wants anyway."

That was it. I'd had enough. I slammed my car into park and got out. She hit me when I scooped her up and had to remind myself that I didn't want to hurt her when I put her in the car, but when I slammed the door shut, the fucking window shattered.

Eight miles of seething silence that was only broken by the sound of the broken window peppering around inside the door.

Sookie hadn't even waited for the car to stop. Her door was open and she picked up on her stomping where she left off before I killed the engine.

She stopped in the laundry room and filled her arms and then walked away…

She walked past the door that would take her downstairs so I followed her…

Her destination was the room she'd stayed in when she first came to stay with me…

…And closed the door.

_What the fuck?_

_Another reason to not have pets._

After getting rid of Bubba since Adele had already gone to bed, I sat on the couch in the den and found myself watching the stairs… _pathetic_. Even after the way she'd acted I was still hopeful to get an explanation.

I listened as she showered and climbed into the bed… disappointing by itself that she was going to leave me to try and figure out what the fuck had broken in her brain to make her behave like she had…

Worse still was that I could hear her crying.

I wasn't going to do it.

There was no fucking way I was going to sit there and listen.

I went down to my room, knowing that there was something that I needed to do, but too distracted by half an hour of inexplicable insanity…

As much as I pride myself on my memory, it actually took a moment for me to remember that Hadley hadn't been informed of Bartlett's death.

Two birds, one stone… I needed to speak to Sophie-Ann anyway…

"Northman, I wasn't expecting to hear from you. Everything is well?" Not even close…

"I actually have a couple of things to discuss. First and foremost, there's some news regarding a member of the Stackhouse family. Adele's brother died last night."

"Adele's brother? Bartlett?"

"Hadley's spoken of him?"

She paused. "Not fondly. How did he die?"

"I killed him. I glamoured him to step in front of a truck on Interstate 10."

"Why would you have done that?"

"Sookie shared Hadley's fondness for their uncle."

"He'd abused Sookie too?"

"Yes majesty."

"Well… Nicely done. Are there to be services?"

"There will be… _something_. Adele is helping Jason make arrangements. It seems he wasn't aware."

"I'll let Hadley know. You said there was something else."

"As things are underway to prepare for Hunter's arrival, Sookie and Adele have been gathering suggestions from outside parties."

"Oh, yes. Quite understandable. It's been a while since Adele had one so young around. Tell me, what have they learned?"

"That Pam enjoys shopping for children's shoes as well as pumps."

She laughed. "Shoes are shoes, Northman. Only a woman can truly understand that. What else?"

"One of the waitresses at my bar reminded Sookie that he'd need a safety seat for travel… Pam and Sookie spent a while last night ordering bedding for his rooms… Sookie's guard has a nephew the same age and suggested bedrails. Most of the suggestions have been taken care of but there are some things that have come up that perhaps you could help to arrange."

"Such as?"

"To my understanding, Andre was planning to glamour the father to forget Hunter ever existed, yes?"

"It seems reasonable. There's been another suggestion?"

"Sookie isn't confidant that, in Hunter's circumstances, the deception would help the boy as much as harm him."

"We intended to glamour him as well. The plan was for him to believe that Sookie _**is**_ his mother."

"Majesty… We don't have any faith that glamour will affect the boy. Sookie can't be glamoured. What's more… She feels the attempt _and_ can hear the evidence left in the minds of those who've been glamoured."

"Nooooo." I'd had the same reaction myself, but I can't say that it wasn't amusing to hear the shock in her voice.

"Yes ma'am. Sookie has thought of an alternative. She hopes that Andre would glamour the father to give him over willingly in the child's best interest. Hunter would have the opportunity to visit and speak with him on occasion instead of feeling abandoned. She believes that the boy would be more trusting of her if she didn't hide such matters since he's quite likely to find out soon enough. I see the logic."

"Sookie intends to let the boy keep in touch with his father… what of Hadley?"

"He'd know about her too. Even though he's not likely to find out from one of us, Jason and Adele are completely readable. Sookie still intends on going through with the adoption… becoming his legal mother, but understanding how Hunter is makes her very leery of lying to him. It would only be a matter of time."

"But at his age, how much of this can he handle?"

"We have no way of knowing. I'm hoping that he isn't too preoccupied with details and is distracted by meeting another telepath."

"One can hope."

"What does the boy know of Hadley?"

"That she died. Andre didn't elaborate. Remy believes that the gifts and help the boy gets are from her family though."

"The news that she's a vampire would be a shock, of course."

"Perhaps. That family _has_ surprised us. Hunter may be no different… It seems that there are a lot of variables. I hate variables."

"As do I. Sookie has adjusted to the concept of taking him in relatively quickly, but the 'what ifs' are causing a lot of anxiety."

"Wednesday." She spoke as though 'Wednesday' was the answer to the meaning of life.

"I'm sorry?"

"I'll have Andre visit the father on Tuesday to explain and handle those details and we'll fly up at first dark on Wednesday. I don't see a difficulty with trying Sookie's method. If the father becomes an issue later, we can handle the problem then. We'll bring Hadley, of course, but she'll return with us so that Hunter has the opportunity to adjust before a longer visit with her."

"A solid plan. I'll make sure the houses are ready for him."

"I'm sure."

I spent the next three hours wallowing.

As I worked through the bullshit of managing my bar by paying accounts and scheduling employees as well as emailing Bobby and Paulette, Sookie's mood needled at me.

There was no telling what was going through her mind, but it caused one miserable mood swing after another. Anger close to rage, exasperating frustration, distress to the degree of pain.

Once finally finished with playing catch up to the mountain of work that had piled up, I realized I'd just been waiting for her…

…Waiting for her to calm down enough to tell me what the fuck caused her break.

I wasn't about to let her have the last word…

Since Adele was sleeping, I opened the door to Sookie's room quietly rather than knocking.

"And closed doors mean nothing to you either, huh?" She was curled up on her side with her back to me and I only went far enough into the room to close the door behind me.

"I knew you were awake as much as you knew it was me."

She breathed a heavy sigh. "What do you want?"

"I want you to act like a fucking adult and tell me why you tried to run off, but I came to tell you that I spoke to the queen. She's having Andre glamour the father to cooperate rather than forget. If it doesn't work out for some reason, they'll re-glamour him. Hunter will be here on Wednesday."

"Ok."

"That's it? 'Okay'?" _Like pulling teeth…_

"What do you want me to say, Eric? We'll make sure to be ready for him."

"You're not going to say anything else?"

"I don't think so. I'm just going to wait for you to say you're sorry."

"What did I do to be sorry for? You walked out on me without an explanation."

"I told you that I was scared for you and it'd break my heart if anything happened to you and you made fun of me." _Oh, __**you've got to be**__ kidding!_

"I was joking! I wanted to stay at the club and keep fucking since we were alone."

"You suggested staying there. Resting in the open…" She trailed off and buried her face in her pillow, pressure building in her chest.

"Sookie, you're not being rational. I'm not as old as I am because I'm an idiot."

"Uh-huh… and when you tell me something like that, I take you seriously… because I trust you to keep me safe… You completely dismiss the fact that I spent the last few years hearing vampire hate and seeing staking fantasies… Just leave me be."

"You mean just leave you to be pissed at me because you took a joke the wrong way."

"It wasn't a joke and you know it. You'd have stayed there all night." That wasn't the point.

"Sookie…"

"Please, Eric. Just leave me alone."

There was no winning the argument, not without hours of discussion that not only did I not have the time for, but patience was scarce as well…

When I finally put myself in bed, I was impatient for sunrise for once…

The longer I lay there, the more irritated I became…

Partially because she'd blown things so far out of proportion…

Partially because I was starting to realize that I hadn't taken her concern seriously…

Mostly…

I fucking missed her.


	29. Chapter 29

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 29**

**The Silent Treatment**

Waiting for me…

Her mood was just as acidic as it had been at dawn and it was infuriating as fuck.

Try as I did, it was impossible to ignore.

I was being 'punished' from a distance… She'd held her infantile grudge enough that she'd not been downstairs during the day.

Before dying for the day, I found myself hoping that she'd speak with Adele and have some sense talked into her. It was plain to see that those hopes were dashed.

Fuck.

As though her foul mood wasn't irritating enough, I felt as though I was being watched while I checked my email and messages. Leered at… scrutinized like a fucking zoo exhibit. Two can play at that game.

I'd waited as late as I could, hoping that she'd call a halt to her nonsense if she realized how much she'd pushed me already. It was after 9 before I made my way upstairs having showered and dressed. I started pushing her to calm the fuck down. I was suffering the delusion that she'd settle.

She was sitting at the island with a drink and a book. "It won't work." She didn't look up.

"Then back off."

"What am _**I**_ doing?"

"Keeping some sort of watch over my moods and movements."

She shook her head as though she denied it. "Whatever."

"Does Adele want to be part of shopping for furniture?" _Like I was in the mood to go anywhere with Sookie at the moment._

"I already went." She _**was**_ trying to piss me off.

"You already went? You left the house to buy furniture when we were already planning on going tonight?"

"Contrary to popular belief, I don't need to have my hand held for _everything_. 3 beds. 3 mattress sets. 3 dressers. 1 ensemble for the sitting area. I did it all without any help." She took a sip of her drink, still not looking up from her book.

"Did you do it without your guard?"

"Yes." I was irate in an instant. She chose to be a rebellious brat and ignore any semblance of safety protocol by leaving the house without a fucking guard!

"How could you be so stupid!?"

She snorted. "You're surprised? Isn't that what you think of me anyway?"

"Of course not! You're being completely fucking ridiculous! Going out without your guard in some sort of bizarre attempt to rebuke me only proves that you're too naïve and reckless to care about your safety!"

"I'm ready to go to work when you are. Bubba's already in the library with Gran. Bobby was here first thing this morning with the auto-glass company so the Vette's window is good to go."

I growled at her, careful to stay where I was. "_**And**_ gallingly dismissive."

"Jason and Gran came to a decision about Bartlett. He's getting cremated since there isn't much left of him anyway and they're going to scatter his ashes with his parents."

"So what, now we aren't talking about it at all?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"The fact that you're being a bitch over a misunderstanding."

She stood from her seat and took her purse. "If you think I'm a bitch now, wait until you see the pink shag carpet I ordered for the safe rooms. I'll be in the car."

She wouldn't!

Would she?

The horde was larger than the night before and Pam was waiting for us again.

Sookie gave a gratuitously cheerful greeting and excused herself to go to the bar…

Pam closed the door to the office. "Wow."

"I'm not in the mood."

"You might not be in the mood to talk about it, but you're in the mood to kill something."

"Thank you, mistress of the obvious. Is there anything I need to know about?"

"You were in a better mood when we had to resort to cattle blood… it's been, what 100 years?"

"130. Nothing business related?"

"The bar is packed with a hearty line outside and the Telepathy Clinic is open for business. I've already passed out the forms and explained procedure to the line. What happened?"

"Pamela…"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Eric, if you knew what to do or how to fix whatever is going on you'd have done it by now. I might be able to offer a helpful point of view."

"How long have you been thinking of that façade to interfering?"

"Hours. It's good isn't it?"

"One of your best."

"Well?"

"She stormed out last night shortly after you left because she didn't want to stay here… I'd suggested we could stay until dawn and she could go back to the house. She petulantly tried to walk home after saying that my resting here is stupid…"

She gasped. "In those heels!?" And this was my sad state… confiding in the Joan Rivers of vampires…

"We'll call the fashion police later. Are you going to focus?"

She sat in the chair opposite my desk and folded her arms expectantly. "Of course. My apologies."

"She collected her things from the laundry room and took up residence in one of the guest rooms. I waited until just before dawn to try to talk to her. She complained that I dismissed her worries and said that she wanted to be left alone."

"That's it?"

"During the day she decided to go out shopping… _alone_. When I told her that doing so was stupid, she suggested that I already thought she _**is**_ stupid. Then… she refused to talk about the matter."

"You're going to rip someone's throat out for sport if you two don't make up." Agreeing with her was interrupted by a sudden wash of warmth and lightheadedness…

"_**And now**_… she's drinking! No doubt to teach me some sort of ludicrous lesson… I don't know how much more of that bullshit I can take… She's going to get herself hurt or killed in her childish little attempt to get me to take her seriously. I don't think she realizes that her little game is having the opposite effect!"

She stared, unmoving.

"What!?"

"You're upset that she's mad at you."

"Really? _You were right, Pam_. Your perspective has been boundlessly useful!"

"She was worried that resting here wouldn't be safe for you and then you were cavalier about the risks?"

"I wouldn't call it 'cavalier'. She said that I was lucky that Fangtasia hasn't been burned down already and told me that she'd be upset if anything happened to me… I suggested that she was trying to put me on a guilt trip. That's when she took off. The mood had been fine."

"Did she mention why she worried?"

"She said it was because she'd seen a lot of anti-vampire thoughts, and I understand that… But she waited until just before dawn to point that out."

"No. You waited until just before dawn to go to her and let her point it out."

"_You're saying this is my fault!?_" I should've known…

"I'm saying that you're an idiot when it comes to women since until Sookie came along your idea of a long term relationship was a second round in here…"

"Why haven't you moved on yet? I released you years ago."

"Because I'd have to pay for my own clothes if I didn't annoy you until you sent me shopping… just apologize to her."

"What the fuck do I have to apologize for?"

"Being a guy."

"Uh… no."

She rolled her eyes again. "I worry about you too."

"Why would _you_ worry about _me_? It's not as though I can't take care of myself."

"That doesn't matter. I worry because I care… Play make-believe for a moment… The knob and his maker aside, you'd still feel better if Sookie were guarded during the day, right?"

"Yes… her ability makes her sought-after for a lot of reasons. She could be taken while I'm dead."

"You know that there's a real threat."

"So do you. What are you getting at?"

"She's protective over you because she loves you. She knows that we are more fragile than even her during the day."

"Are you done?"

"You're being an asshole." I prefer to be called 'butthead'.

"I've already told you that I recognize her reasons for worrying. Her behavior is what I find intolerable. She's practically forcing her indignation down my throat and refusing to have a rational conversation about it."

She stood up and turned to leave. "I didn't think it was possible, but there is someone as stubborn as you. Go Figure."

"You turned out to be a shitload of help."

She snorted. "What the hell do I know? I'm not guilty of pillow talk anymore than you."

"You read those columns though." As soon as I spoke, I knew how absurd it sounded.

She huffed and rested her hand on the door knob. "Telling her that she's behaving childishly won't help. It seems like the stress is getting to her and that she's taking it out on you."

"I can't make everything stop."

"Speaking of stating the obvious… Her stress is easier than the alternative."

"What's the alternative?"

"PMS… I understand that it's a new legal defense to murder. I find myself bitter that I missed the excuse."

"I think you're grandfathered in. Being a vampire gives you license to be a bitch whenever you wish."

"Thank God… You know, another point… The two of you spent last night with vampires who are wronged in some degree while they're dead… it was all fresh for her."

"I'm aware, but I fucking refuse to do this. It's not possible to talk to her."

"Would you have apologized for not taking her concerns seriously if she were being calmer?"

"I don't know… Go think of a way to interrupt her drinking before it causes a problem."

Since it took so long for Sookie to join me in the office, I could only assume that Pam had been talking to her.

Sookie sat at her post behind my desk and took the notepad and pen she'd used the night before… without looking at me once.

"I don't want to do this."

She sighed, "Neither do I. I just want to get through this."

"I don't mean that. I mean this…"

"Oh well." Excuse me?

"You're making it impossible for us to talk. Do you want to argue?" If that's what she wanted, I could give her that in spades.

"I don't know what I want…"

She stopped talking as Pam entered the office with Sookie's first client of the evening….

While the process moved more smoothly than the night before… each client had their IDs, agreement and fee at the ready and a few had written notes for Sookie as to specific concerns…

Again, I couldn't focus…

As Sookie cleared or caught a dozen pets and 3 servants I, as Jason had described it, freaked right the fuck out…

_She didn't know what she wanted_.

Over a misunderstanding that started over our 'Baptist on Sunday' joke…

She was questioning being with me over _that_?

She went from wanting to bond to me… Considering being turned… to questioning 'us'…

Un-fucking-believable!

As angry as the concept made me, it still wasn't enough to keep me from realizing how fucking miserable it left me…

Instead of the nightmare that would be planning for her return to Bon Temps (hiring full time guards and having her shuttled back and forth for her mind reading responsibilities) I was caught up as though a wrench had been tossed into my mental gears…

Far worse than it had been to think of her 'post-Rene' return… the idea of having her leave me… _LEAVE ME_…

Crushed.

Even rising tonight to feel her irrational bitterness festering like a bee hive was more attractive than the possibility of waking to not feel her at all.

She sat 3 feet away from me, ignoring me unless an exchange was required for the purposes of the meetings…

Nearly 2 hours of vampires and pets passed while anxiety had the chance to take root.

As old as I was, I was losing my grip over a girl…

_**Over a thousand fucking years old and I was nearly deranged over the idea of my girlfriend moving out.**_

Fuck me.

Sookie took a break to use the bathroom and refresh her Lynchburg Lemonade. I had hoped to have the chance to say something to her while we waited for the next client, but she returned having fetched them herself.

She was avoiding me. Avoiding the topic. I tried to convince myself that she was avoiding arguing, given my mood that she was no doubt feeling…

It didn't work.

When that group of satisfied customers left, I did too.

I found Pam standing at the door. "How could it have gotten worse while she's been working?"

For the last two hours I'd been contemplating that Sookie might 'break up' with me, but I wasn't about to explain that. "Never mind. You go sit with her. I'll stay on the floor."

"Seriously? That bad?"

"Just go. Send a bouncer to check IDs."

I sat in the chair on the stage area and hated every second of the next hour…

The last time I had sat watch over the pathetic creatures that appear in droves was the night Sookie waltzed into my existence.

I hadn't thought about it. I hadn't considered that it had been a while since I'd done it… Most importantly, I hadn't missed it.

From the second my ass was on the chair, the fangbanging horde started in.

Their immediate notice sent them all into their odd little attempts to get my attention. It didn't work unless it was accounted for that they made me more sick than usual.

The coy glances, lip licking and 'erotic' dancing only pushed my thoughts to the bitchy little telepath in my office all the more.

I caught myself being guilty of the same thing Sookie had been doing earlier… I monitored her.

As clients came and went she felt everything from sympathy to pride in varying degrees, but it was all but a raft floating on the undercurrent of what was (or _wasn't_ as the case may be) going on between us.

"Hey. You look bored as shit."

I'd been ignoring the silly little sashayed parades long enough that Jason had managed to stop directly in front of me before I noticed him. "You could say that. Have a seat. What brings you out?" I motioned to one of the waitresses to come take his order.

I watched the bitter glances cast in Jason's direction because he was invited to join me while he ordered his drink. "I stopped by the house to see Gran, but she shooed me off 'cause that Bubba guy is over. What's up with that?"

"She enjoys his company. He told me last night that they'd spent most of the evening talking about 'home cooking'." Discussing collards and okra had actually made him impatient about his waiting meal.

He chuckled. "With a vampire? Don't that beat all!"

"We all miss certain things about our humanity."

"That makes sense I guess, but it's still a little funny… Hadley called me… Do you guys stop giving a shit about stuff when y'all turn?"

"We have to detach to an extent. Why?"

"She said that she didn't care if we fed Bartlett's ashes to pigs and then burned the shit." That was a colorful idea.

"She didn't like him."

"I don't get it though… even Gran doesn't seem to care all that much… I knew Sookie's always been skitchy about him so I didn't expect much from her…"

"You don't understand why you're the only one that seems to be grieving."

"Yeah. I know that they had some sort of falling out a long time ago, but he's dead… for good, not like y'all… I figured she'd be a little upset, but she was fine by the time I got to y'alls place last night."

"It wasn't a falling out… You weren't told anything?"

"Naw… I stopped asking a long time ago. They'd always tell me to mind my own business."

"Bartlett wasn't the person you think he was, Jason."

"You know!?"

I nodded.

"What the fuck happened? Why do you know about it and I don't?"

"I believe that you were too young to understand."

"Like how it went down was any easier. I figured for a long time that I was gonna get run off when I grew up because Bartlett was the only guy left in the family after Hadley's dad ran off."

"It's never that simple."

"I was 11. I grew up surrounded by girls who told me to butt out."

"I've come to understand what the term 'funny uncle' means."

"_Ohmigod_… He went after _Hadley_!?" He looked like he was going to be sick and part of me was proud of his reaction… He hadn't been unfeeling… just ignorant.

I gave him a nod.

"Oh… mannnnn… did Sookie see it? She was so… she couldn't have been but 8 or so when…"

"She didn't just see 'it'."

He stared at me for what seemed like forever… "That _**FUCKER**_!"

"It wasn't until your parents died that anyone would listen to Sookie."

"He did it… it wasn't just a onetime thing? He didn't just get aholt of 'em once? It went on?"

"Until Adele found out and disowned him, yes."

"That piece of shit! I cried for him… I felt sorry for him! He didn't have any friends and his own kin didn't give a shit enough to dig a hole… Sonofabitch!"

He sat back, only breaking his own silence by chewing the ice in his drink while he thought.

"It's not like I could've done anything back then, but… if I had known, I wouldn't have kept talking to him."

"You've been in touch?"

"Once I moved out he started calling me every few months to check in on things. I knew better than to tell Gran, but… it makes me sick that he would always ask after Sookie and Hadley… I'd have killed him if I knew." _Good little squirrels_… even Jason was growing on me… fuck… even Jason was growing on me _now that Sookie seems to have decided to walk away_.

"That's probably why they didn't tell you." He wouldn't have been able to get away with it.

"Fuck that. I can think of a hundred ways to kill him. Walking into traffic was too quick… Fucking rapist… He shoulda gotten a buck shot enema."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Shoving the working end of a shotgun up his ass would have been just as quick."

"So. I'd have mounted his head and hung it next to the deer on my wall… used it to hang my hard hat." The thought was hilarious.

"Tell me, would you have had the big dark eyes put in like a deer or would you have those creepy doll eyes put in?"

He shuddered, but he laughed. "Shit man, I don't know… I wonder if Mr. Spencer'd give me the remains so I can run 'em over a few times before he goes into the furnace."

"Doubtful. Laws and such."

"Humph… I do know one thing though." _Beer nuts don't actually have beer in them?_

"What's that?"

"I'm joking about how to kill my uncle… I think I'm spending too much time with you vampires." If he only knew.

"The world could use a little more vampire-thinking. As it is, humans tend to keep people like your uncle like pets. Prisons allow a lot of liberties."

"What happens when y'all get in trouble?"

"If we aren't staked, we're tortured. It tends to deter further bad behavior."

"Tortured like how?"

"Silver chains, starvation, beatings… then there are the more imaginative methods." _Such as bananas._

"Silver really fuck with y'all like in movies?"

I nodded. "It's like acid… it burns into our skin."

"That's weird. Then again I don't get the daytime thing either… Since y'all used to be human and all… It makes that whole 'virus' thing on the news buyable, ya know. Y'all all a sudden having reactions to that stuff. Like bad allergies."

"You could hardly call the wooden stake concern an 'allergy' though."

He scoffed. "I never got how that was a big deal... I mean… that'd kill me too." My, my… Something he'd eaten had made his squirrels sharper than usual.

"Fair point… but for the record, a bullet would also kill you. Not me."

"Dayum… A stake's the only way?"

"That, sunlight and being beheaded."

"Wow." He sat quietly for a few more minutes while he sipped from his drink and finally leaned over… "You need to keep an eye on that one. She's up to something."

He nodded towards a typically black-clad fangbanger type with eyeliner so heavy that she looked like a raccoon. "Something?"

"She's looking around like she's gonna get caught… like a kid sneaking up on a cookie jar."

"Some of them just look nervous…" I hadn't meant it… He was right. Her eyes were shifty and she seemed like she was more than just nervous to be around vampires.

I motioned to one of the waitresses and took her order book and pen. "…Interrupt the meeting in my office with apologies. Take Sookie a fresh drink and give her this note. Wait for her answer."

Jason and I sat watchful and a moment went by after the waitress left with Sookie's drink before I felt Sookie's reaction to the woman's thoughts…

Instant panic… My body tensed with her and waiting for the waitress to come back with Sookie's answer was excruciating.


	30. Chapter 30

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 30**

**Unrelenting**

Jason leaned over again. "What's up? You look like you're caught in the crosshairs."

He was still just as watchful over the fangbanger as I was. "I asked your sister to read her mind and now she's very concerned." Scared shitless would have been more accurate.

"How do you know that?"

"I'll explain that later."

He nodded slightly. "If you think she's one of them drainers, I can get rid of her for ya."

"Thanks, but it's best that we wait. I'm sure Sookie knows exactly what her intentions are. She could just be a nervous cop."

He shrugged and sat back…

And the waiting continued.

The waitress finally returned with a note for me and 'fuck me' eyes for Jason… I had to shoo her away.

'She's a scout for a team of drainers. She's watching the vampires, what type they like, if they leave with someone. You seem to be 'in charge' so she thinks they could get a lot for your blood.'

Shit.

That would explain her sudden fear… and it gave me a sliver of hope that Sookie might be approachable sooner than later.

Jason leaned over to whisper, "Well?"

"You were right. She's with drainers, but she's just a scout." How his tiny brain managed to 'guess' that would probably puzzle me for a while.

"Ew… How do you have her followed without risking whoever goes after her?"

I smiled at him, impressed that he could think ahead to having her tracked. He really wasn't an idiot. "I send a vampire I wouldn't miss."

He laughed, "Shame on you for not bringing Bill back to Shreveport."

"No kidding."

When I was done with the call regarding the drainer's shadow, I texted Pam that Sookie needed to take a break when she was done with the next client.

While we waited for her to join us, Jason made jokes about the fangbanger I had to kick away from my leg.

Pam joined us quietly enough that she startled Jason as she sat on the arm of his chair. "If I did your makeup…"

"Wrong Stackhouse, sister. You ain't putting makeup on _**me**_."

"We aren't discussing eye shadow and color pallets… I meant to cover your tan… You could sit up here and be the resident pussy magnet instead of Eric."

I welcomed the idea. "I wouldn't mind in the least."

"You know… The pussy magnet thing ain't the turn off… it's the johnsons that've been making eyes… _Hell no_."

"Chicken?"

He laughed, "Chicken _enough_."

I chuckled at the adamant look on his face. "Pam, why don't you take over _baiting the 'johnsons'_ while I go to my office."

"Certainly. I don't need to tell you that Sookie's not holding herself together well." No… she didn't. Sookie's fear had been strong enough that I'd actually gotten a chill… and she was pacing erratically enough that she'd made herself dizzy.

No sooner than I entered the office, expecting to argue… she plowed into me, hugging my ribs. "What have you been doing?"

My arms went around her automatically. "I believe it's called 'hanging out'… Your brother stopped by because Adele and Bubba cast him out."

Her grip tightened. "Not that! _The drainer_."

"I called our favorite reconnaissance team. The 'disco triplets' will be here shortly to follow her. We'll know more by sunrise."

"You're letting her leave? You… She wanted you specifically."

"She certainly wouldn't make an attempt on me herself."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I can't be, but if she were to come after me on her own, she wouldn't walk away from the encounter."

"There's at least four more. I'm scared. What if…"

"I preferred when you were angry."

"How can you stay so calm? A drainer is in your bar and she wants _**you**_!"

"That's better."

"You're not funny!"

"Sookie, I've survived worse than drainers. We just aren't worried over the same things."

"What do you worry about then?"

"You. I worry that you're pigheaded enough to go out without your guard. I worry about how long you're going to stay angry over a mistake."

One of her arms held firm, but the other let go long enough to punch my back.

"What was that for?"

"Being a giant butthead! I didn't go without Alcide! And I'm still going to worry about you! I don't care if you're older than dirt! I still don't want anything to happen to you!"

"Is this how you apologize?"

She growled into my chest and when she pulled her arm away to hit me again, I grabbed it.

"Stop that. I don't hit you."

"If you did, I might make a better pet." She was just making a cheeky suggestion, but it still wasn't likely that any form of discipline or abuse would 'tame' her.

"If I did hit you, you wouldn't be much of anything."

Thankfully, she giggled. "I'm sorry… not about worrying, for acting like I did… I'm not used to all this." Only a small victory… Her fear was still rattling.

"Are you going to stop seething over something neither of us can control?"

"You weren't taking me seriously. You can control _**that**_."

"I always take you seriously. You became angry with me for not having much capacity for fear."

"Fine. We're even then." Like hell…

"How's that?"

"If being a fossil is your excuse for not getting scared, then being new to the relationship thing is my excuse to…"

"Overreact and behave resentfully?"

She let go of me and stepped back to scowl at me. "Hey! _That's shitty_! I…"

"_You_… are not only making excuses for how you've been treating me since yesterday, but now you're firing up for _another_ tantrum."

"I wasn't really making excuses… I… well, I was, _**but you got one too!**_"

"Sookie, I don't need an excuse to be unruffled. I can be angry and irritated without yelling and stomping around."

"Oh! Sure you can! But give the vampire a hard on and watch out!"

"Watch out for what, exactly? Being heavy handed is hardly the same thing as attempting to walk home alone at 3am in a cocktail dress… refusing to discuss your reasons for behaving as though you want to see how far you can try my patience… leading me to believe that you'd chosen disregarding your own safety as an outlet to rebel against me… drinking fast enough that I felt the alcohol affect you when you should be focused… and use a lack of relationship experience (which we both suffer from, by the way) as your justification for all of it. I think it's my turn to call 'bullshit', Sookie."

She'd stared at me in spite of the steady flow of tears that had soaked her cheeks, but at least she let me finish. "I… At least you know what's going on! You know how to react to all of this! You probably haven't dealt with such a huge turnabout since you were turned! A couple of weeks ago my biggest worries were Gran's health and keeping guys from driving home plastered! Now… Now…"

"Now… Vampires and Weres and Witches, oh my… a former junkie cousin, now vampire is dumping her telepathic child in your lap… you've nearly been killed and certainly stalked… you can't leave the house without protection… you've moved… You're _not_ in Kansas anymore, Toto. I understand that everything has changed for you in a very short amount of time. I'm not trying to discount that, not at all. You need to realize that you aren't going through any of it alone. You have Adele and me. Jason and Pam are even available to you in their oscillating states of usefulness. You are actually the catalyst for all of the change in our lives, but you're the only one taking things out on others."

She flung herself onto the couch and buried her face in her hands. "I'm being a bitch…"

"Yes. You are."

"…For no reason."

"This time."

"This time?"

"I'm sure you'll be a bitch for good reason eventually. You'll need to, but please don't practice on me. How about Pam?"

She snorted into her hands.

I sat next to her, relieved that she was finally calming down, but more from having vented. "If you need help relaxing, I can send you out for a spa day… I'll want pictures of that smelly guard of yours holding your purse."

She snorted again, this time with a giggle. "You're mean."

"You bought pink shag." Not that it really mattered. As long as there was a bed, I probably wouldn't concern myself with carnation pink fur walls and a disco ball.

She finally looked at me again, wiping her eyes. "Only for Pam's room… and it's just an area rug and a couple of throw pillows."

"That was very devious." I _could_ feel bitter that she'd fooled me, but knowing the truth just made me proud of her. She'd make a good vampire if she could get a reign over her temper.

"Coming from you, Mr. Loophole, I'll take that as a compliment."

I reached over, taking her hand to guide her into my lap… She snuggled into my chest, resting her head on my shoulder… and that's when bitterness set in.

She sat back to look at me, having felt my mood. "What?"

"I missed this. I hated being in bed without you this morning."

The corners of her mouth turned down. "Me too. I didn't sleep at all… That's why I went out… If I stayed home I would've climbed into bed with you." I'd wallowed for hours that she'd leave me, but she was still calling it 'home'…

"So you called Alcide to have him take you out."

"No… I was going to go alone. He came by while I was getting ready. He told me that he wasn't going to leave until you got up if I didn't just let him take me. He's a stubborn ass…" _A stubborn ass that might deserve a raise. _"…I heard that."

"Good… What was his reason being over, if you hadn't called him?"

"He called his sister. He was vague, but he explained that I was suddenly going to be raising a 3 year old. He had a list of stuff she told him. We need a pediatrician and a dentist."

"She didn't suggest a veterinarian?"

"You know, Alcide hasn't said or thought one crappy thing about a baby living with a vampire. Be nice." Fair enough…_surprising_, but fair enough.

"I'll try… was that all she had to suggest?"

"Well, she suggested a playgroup and said since he's suddenly having a big change of surroundings that we should understand if he's got a security blanket or something like that… She said that we could call her if anything came up… She seems nice." At the very least, she was willingly helpful.

"What did I miss while I was in the bar?"

"Not much… A sheriff named Salome sent an underling to have his pets read with an invitation. She'd like to set me up for a few nights to do for her area what I'm doing here."

"The 'Clinic'?"

She nodded. "The letter is on your desk, but she wants you to contact her about particulars. She said she'd pay me a booking fee and let her vampires know what we wanted to charge. She mentioned that having me down there would be a 'reduction in drama'." It certainly would be… It's already proving to be helpful.

"If you're interested, I'll contact her about going down for a couple of days once Hunter is settled in. By then things here should be more sedate."

"That's fine… I'm sure Gran can find somewhere to drag you to with a little research…" I'd barely had the chance to chuckle at the idea before Sookie shot off of my lap, taking my hand. "Liam's here and Jason's having a reaction…" Shit.

"What kind of reaction?"

"A play by play of the video of Liam and Maudette… Seeing him in person may very well make him ruin Pam's shoes." She'd never forgive him… She might consider moving though.

"He's nauseated?"

"He's thinking 'don't barf, don't barf, don't barf'."

"My, my, my… Miss Sookie, you have moved up in the world, haven't you?" Malcolm had barely waited for Sookie and me to enter the bar before he began crooning tauntingly.

She snapped back, "That depends on how you look at it, Malcolm. The sheriff is definitely a few steps up from Bill, but somehow I still find myself dealing with you."

He drawled his chuckle. "Before you know it, you'll be the queen's." Not funny.

She reached up and patted his cheek as she passed him to stand by Pam. "My contract with her is enough… I enjoy being Eric's."

"Just because I can't touch you now, doesn't mean that I don't fantasize about what you'd taste li…"

I'd had all I could take for the evening… All it took was the beginning of his suggestion before I'd tossed him into the wall behind the stage. Since Sookie took a seat next to Jason with interest, my only concern was that I'd only proven to the drainer that I was strong enough to be a 'prize'. If nothing else, the sudden attention from all of the other vampires in the bar was proof that I was in a position of power…

"Any questions Malcolm?"

While Dian went to hover over Malcolm's body as he collected himself, Liam looked up at me with a terrified grimace. "Sheriff, we heard that Sookie has formal protection now."

"So you _have heard_."

"Yes, sir… might I ask who the other human is? He smells… he smells like her… well, not as good, but..." He was going to find himself in a heap next to Malcolm.

"Liam, that is Sookie's brother. Jason Stackhouse. He also has formal protection."

He offered a nod in Jason's direction. "He live in Bon Temps too?"

"Yes, he lives in Bon Temps. No, he isn't a donor."

"It's a shame. He smells goooood." Impossible fucking asshole… the color was gone from Jason's face in an instant. My bar was full to capacity including 22 vampires with 30 more in queue outside… all but 3 were behaving.

I turned to him, his attention caught by my fangs. "One more fucking word, Liam and you and your nestmates will all find yourselves dangling from silver chains in the tree on my lawn at dawn. Do you understand?"

"I… I… I didn't mean… Yeah, I understand."

"Wonderful. Now, the reason I called… Just behind you is a girl. She is a scout for a small cell of drainers. The three of you are to trail her, learn what you can about the cell and report back."

"That's it?"

"For now. There are four more…"

Sookie corrected, "Five… and they all live together in an apartment not far from here. She's never done it before, but they met online and the others have experience."

"Is that all?"

She reached out for Pam's hand and closed her eyes… "They managed to make a silver… _blanket_. One of the guys in the group got the idea from a friend in Vegas. They plan on trading back and forth… They shop at the casinos, but since Nevada isn't our concern…" She released Pam's hand with a shrug.

"They're isolated?"

She nodded. "As far as Louisiana is concerned, yes." Too easy…

I turned to Liam. "Knowing that, you should all be quite full. Don't leave a mess."

"A mess… Seriously?"

"Don't make me regret sending you. Pam could easily take care of it and I can depend on her to not fuck up."

He had an excited look when he looked over to Dian and Malcolm and jerked his head towards the door.

As they turned to go wait in the parking lot, Sookie called after them… "Wait!" She got up and sauntered over to Liam, stopping inches from his face. "Bill contacted you."

Liam chuckled nervously and tried to take a step away, but she stayed with him. "What? Huh? Why?"

"What did he tell you? What did he ask you to do?"

He started shaking his head. "I… uh…"

Sookie turned to me. Frustrated, angry. "Eric… When I met them, they didn't get told about my ability. They don't see other vampires out in Monroe… and they didn't ask how I knew about the drainers… Bill's contacted them somehow." _The cherry on top of a lovely evening…_

"You can explain now or you can piss me off by making me chain you… You won't recover as quickly as last time, I promise you that."

The three of them shared looks for a moment. Dian was the one to finally break their silent deliberation. "His maker… Lorena… She called. Bill called her… She wanted us to take Sookie to Jackson."

"Mississippi? Why?"

"She said someone there owes her a favor. She offered us cash on delivery… We talked about it, but… _not for long! _None of us are suicidal._"_

"When did she call you?"

"Monday night. It was early. She said she'd call us about when, but she never did. Then we heard about Sookie's protection and… well, that saying 'dodged the bullet' came to mind."

Sookie's face seemed to fall in on itself as she turned red and as angry as she'd been with me was but a drop in the bucket by comparison… As though I wasn't pissed enough for both of us. "Monday being the night she left for New Orleans."

The best thing about all of this coming to light was that every vampire in the fucking bar had heard… Lorena and Bill were still plotting… from chains. "The reason you haven't heard from her is because she and Compton have been Andre's toys… And so you know, if anything happens to Sookie, the three of you will be in chains while I look for her. Have I made myself clear?"

They all nodded and made their way out as quickly as they could.

Somehow, the highlight of my night had been killing time with _Jason fucking Stackhouse_.

Jason was perfectly satisfied to continue being entertained by Pam so that Sookie and I could return to my office…

She closed the door behind us. "I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"I'll call Andre. He'll tend to Bill and Lorena."

"I'm sure he will, but I was talking about how buddy-buddy Jason and Pam are."

"The only thing keeping me from forbidding anything is that she knows better than to hurt him."

"He's a grown man… but it…" She shuddered. "You ready to get this over with so we can go home?"

"You're tired."

She shrugged and reached for the door knob. "And can't wait to get in bed. Guess I'd better get a move on…"

The next hour and a half could only be considered a marathon. Sookie read 34 more pets in record speed… her job was made easier by the fact that most of them were very guilty of something that they'd gotten quite nervous about while being forced to wait. No less than 26 of them would be glamoured, discarded or disposed of for one reason or another and the grateful nature of the offended vampires was endlessly fascinating… I was sure that eventually one would prove me right by taking on a 'shoot the messenger' attitude, but after two nights I was left waiting for it.

'Money well spent' was the common expression of the evening and while Sookie listened to thoughts, I emailed Salome with particulars…

…And received an eager reply only moments later. Not only was she anxious to pay Sookie's $10,000 per night fee plus extras, but she mentioned that she knew for fact that 3 other sheriffs would be contacting me in regards to 'clinics' in Gatlinburg, Dallas and Savannah… I was sure the list of prospective destinations wouldn't disappoint Adele in the least.

As Sookie's last customer left, somehow before the bar closed, we went back to the floor to find Jason standing at Pam's post by the door.

Sookie sat at the end of the bar and asked for a soda before turning to her brother. "Where's Pam?"

He looked pained, but didn't say anything… Sookie started laughing at him anyway.

"Jason! We're at a vampire bar… You can say that she's feeding for God sakes." He'd been too embarrassed to say 'it', so he'd thought it to her… cute.

He shrugged and turned his back to her. "Sorry… Damn. I didn't know."

"We're heading home in a few. You following to see Gran or what?"

"Naw. I think I'll head back to my house. She's probably asleep by now."

"You alright to drive?"

"Yeah. I just had the two beers. I'm gonna hit the Wendy's for a big bag of fries for the ride home too. Kinda one-sided that you don't have human food here, _Eric_."

Sookie and I both laughed. He was probably the first to _ever_ complain about the lack of food. The lighting, the drinks, the service, the décor… but leave it to Jason to be unhappy with the peanuts Ginger orders to keep at the bar…

Sookie shook her head at him. "_Now you know._ If you're gonna be visiting Fangtasia, you need to eat before you get here or order takeout and eat it in the back."

"I might do that… especially now that Sam's being a dick. What's up with that?"

"You know he has a thing for me… Turns out he has a thing _about_ vampires too… Combine the two…"

"And you get one rabid mother fucker… I met Hoyt there for dinner to catch up… Sam gave me the stank eye the whole time I was there… Hoyt said he's keeping stakes behind the bar now."

Sookie growled. "Goddamnit… I can't win! You know if I hear about some random hating going on out there, Alcide…"

"Alcide what?" The woman standing at the door was glaring at Sookie… and it took a moment for her smell to reach me since the bar had been so busy… Were.

Sookie stared back for a moment feeling an annoyance similar to what she has for Jason and Andre. "_Alcide_ would just have to pull up his panties and get over being pissed that I didn't call him."

"Why would he get pissed that _you_ wouldn't call him?" The girlfriend. The closer she got, the stronger Alcide's smell was… the vulgar bitch fucked him and then came to confront her 'competition'. I might have done something to intervene (especially since I'd ordered Pam to), but as the Were stopped directly in front of Sookie to stare her down, Sookie slid from her stool and met the bitch's eyes. She was completely unmoved by the posturing.

"Because it's his job to keep me from getting myself in trouble."

"So you _are_ the little fangbanger he's looking after?"

"Unless there's another one, yeah."

"What makes you so special that you get a guard? Rare blood type?"

"I'm a mind reader with royal protection. It helps that I'm bonded to a sheriff."

"Do you mind telling my why my man smelled like you when he got home today?"

"Because he was doing his job." Sookie might as well have been reading the phone book. Her tone was completely unaffected.

"How did your scent end up on him?"

Sookie paused before she answered, even giving a snort but she was more than slightly amused. "He already told you…"

"You got it out of my head? And you think it's funny?"

"Absolutely! Eric, Jason, this is Debbie Pelt… You're gonna love this… As soon as he walked through the door to find that his girlfriend had driven 5 hours to surprise him, she started bitching at him for 'stinking of fangbanger trash'… When she asked what he'd done…" She took a minute to laugh and collect herself. "…He told her that it took him a while to get me out of my clothes, but eventually he spent the day mattress testing with me… And she still had sex with him even though she took him literally and thinks he's having sex with me."

While Sookie's laughing only pissed of the Were, Jason and I both enjoyed the 'joke' since we were sure we knew what had actually happened.

"I'm not laughing!"

Sookie still hadn't given up any ground. "That's because you're too jealous to realize that I'm no threat to you."

Debbie snorted. "You think you're too good for him?" I couldn't tell if she was implying that Sookie was uppity for a blood bag or if she had a two-natured complex…

"Not at all… I really like your boyfriend… But… I love my master. End of story. Alcide is my guard and we're friendly."

"Friendly enough to get naked and spend a day in bed with?"

Sookie sighed and rolled her eyes… "Friendly enough that I humored him and changed into jeans and a T because he growled about how I was falling out of my other outfit… And then he escorted me to the furniture store where I tested a few mattresses to find one for me and Eric and I had him pick the other ones since it doesn't matter to a vampire and he's likely to need to sleep over if something happens…"

"Something?"

"Something like a situation where my family shouldn't be left unguarded… Let me ask you something… Does Eric look like the type of guy, or vampire, to let me get away with doing my guard? For that matter if he had any reason to suspect that there was anything going on, would he have thought Alcide's description of our shopping trip was so funny? No. As a matter of fact, a 300 year old vampire got flung into the wall earlier for implying that I'd taste good… Eric's a little protective… _Hence my guard_…"

Sookie was interrupted by Alcide's sudden appearance at the door… his boots weren't tied and shirt was mis-buttoned… he'd clearly dressed as quickly as I had the night before.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

The girlfriend whipped herself around. "You think you're funny!?"

"There's not a damn thing funny about you slipping out of the house after I fall asleep to stir shit up." He had her there.

"You told me…"

He looked past her to Sookie and me. "Sorry y'all."

Sookie snorted at him. "Oh… You'd better be!"

"Shit… Sookie… I…"

"…Suggested that Eric need to lock _**me**_ up… _Yeah_… I was there!"

"I'm gonna hear about this until my contract is up, aren't I?"

"And move and change your name… oh yeah, you are."

He looked like she slapped him and for some odd reason, I felt like he should be let off the hook. "She's not really angry. She laughed her ass off. Sookie's handing out 'hard times' tonight." She scowled at me, but wasn't serious.

He gave her a dirty look. "That's just wrong."

"You suggested you slept with me. Dirt bag."

"She was already thinking…" He thought better of finishing _that_ sentence, especially considering who he was talking to.

Debbie was probably more pissed now that Alcide had arrived though. "I'm still not sure you aren't fucking her."

Sookie shook her head, feeling more pity for Alcide than aggravation at his leashless bitch. "Not that it's likely at all, but since my grandmother was with us, even less likely."

Debbie spun back around again. "Your grandmother? Why did he only smell like you then?"

Sookie rolled her eyes, but clearly didn't want to answer. "Because Gran didn't put herself between Alcide and the day guy."

She hadn't mentioned that Bobby had been there… "What did he do?"

Alcide snapped at Sookie. "You said you'd tell him!"

"I hadn't gotten around to it. It's been the night from hell!" It hadn't been the best of nights, but Sookie's escalating tension wasn't improving matters.

"What. Did. He. Do?"

She huffed out a loud breath and looked everywhere but at me for a moment…

The air could be cut with a knife and Alcide actually sent his girlfriend to wait in the car. "Tell him or I will."

After another sigh, "He was suggestive..."

Alcide barked, "Bullshit."

She shot a dirty look in his direction. "…We were waiting for the salesman to make sure everything was in the warehouse so that he could run it out to the house…"

He cut her off again. "You're shit for story telling… He grabbed her, smelled her and then told her that with his _tutoring_ she could earn a diamond to replace the sapphire in no time."

Sookie slapped Alcide's chest. "You suck at stories too!"

"You were dragging your ass!"

She looked back to me. "Eric, it… he wasn't right… I don't know where he got it, but he was having a reaction to the blood."

"Blood!? _FUCK…_ Is it dawn yet!?"

"You scared the shit out of him… It was the only thing he could think of. Even when his hands were on me…"

"Your ass."

She growled at Alcide, "Thanks… Even then his thoughts were off and he wasn't sure why he was touching me. I was going to tell you, but I think we need to find out where he got it more than kill him. Alcide had him before I could hear any details."

"Oh, yeah… I'm the bad guy! He was rubbing all over you and in front of your grandmother no less!"

"I'm not saying you're the bad guy, but…"

"Oh, there's a nice way to tell him his day guy practically raped you in public!?"

She clenched her jaw. "He's fired anyway. He's gone in 9 days. Period. He'd never taken blood before and he only did it because he was terrified. Yes, _there was_ a better way to explain!"

Enough. "Would you two shut. The. Fuck. Up!"

In a sudden show of impeccable timing, Pam was standing at my side in an instant. "What now? I thought you two made up."

Sookie opened her mouth, but I held my hand up. I'd been serious. I wasn't in the mood to hear any more. "So… I rise this evening to emotional warfare from my bitchy bonded. Her cold shoulder only let up enough for us to discuss our disagreement once she learned that I might be in danger, you know, because of the drainer in my bar… In an effort to rid of the drainer, I discover more vampires who want Sookie as well as extra fun with Bill and Lorena… and now, just as I think the evening might be close to being over, not only has there been a catfight over Alcide, but my day guy is a blood head. Oh, and these two argue like Laurel and Hardy. Did I cover it all?"

"Are you whining?" She was ignoring how close I was to killing someone.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket after a long consideration and snapped it in half and dropped it on the floor. "No. I'm going the fuck home. We won't be in tomorrow night. Sookie get your purse."

I heard her heels following close behind me. "But Eric…"

"No."

"We need to find out…"

"Not now."

She slid into the car just after I did and wisely stayed quiet while I refused to think of anything.

When we finally pulled into the garage, Sookie removed her seatbelt slowly and turned to look at me expectantly. "I'd already told Pam… I didn't want you to think I was keeping it a secret, but I didn't want to talk about it while we were still upset with each other." Understandable.

"When would you have talked to me about it though?"

"Right about now… When we got home from work and had the chance to settle down."

"Any ideas on how to find out, since you've had the day to think about it?"

"I'm going to confront him about it. He can't hide it from me once he comes down a bit."

"Has he ever had any threatening thoughts about you before?"

"No. He's jealous. He wants _you_. He wants you to get rid of me. He's grossed out by all things Sookie. When he had me, it was the weirdest thing… it took Alcide like two seconds to get to us, but Bobby was hard and looked like he was going to be sick at the same time. He _really_, never would've…"

"But he's using blood."

"He was only hoping to be able to defend himself. I understand if you think something else needs to be done, but we kind of pushed him. He knew that you could hurt him, but now that he knows I'm a telepath, he's worried about all of his friends too. It's why he didn't run instead."

"You think we should take care of the dealers and just cut Bobby lose."

She nodded. "It won't be as much fun as a Mary Kay party, but… He's too scared to do a decent job for you anymore. We can manage without him until Paulette gets here, can't we?"

"Now that you've got Alcide to run errands with you, I suppose. But Hunter will arrive during the lapse…"

"We'll manage… It's been a long night. Why don't we go tuck Gran in and call it a night?"

Perfect.

Sookie slid into bed next to me with her phone in hand. As disappointed as I was that she had intentions of doing anything, the disappointment was buffered. Her warmth that I'd missed the night before was making up for the sound of her phone dialing…

Ringing…

"Hello?"

"Good morning, Andre."

"Sookie Stackhouse, or should I just call you Northman?"

"Like you'd care if I have a preference."

He snorted. "What can I do for you this morning?"

"Well, we have new gossip in regards to your guests. It seems Lorena contacted some local vampires in an effort to have me abducted to Jackson, Mississippi before she arrived in New Orleans. It seems '_someone'_ there owes her a favor."

"Do you know how she contacted them?"

"She called. Bill had called her. My guess would be that he wanted to establish a plan B if things didn't go his way. She offered my would-be kidnappers COD."

"How did you come by this information?"

"They volunteered it when they discovered that the target had protection. They had no intentions of taking the risk."

"Why are you calling me instead of your master doing it?"

"He wants me to learn to handle some things myself. He doesn't fancy the idea of me being as reliant of my maker as Compton." Beautiful…

"Then I'll make sure to notify you once I spend more time with my guests. Is there anything else I should know?"

"We're only suspicious, but just last night the king of Mississippi sent an underling to test me. It could be the same curiosity as several others, but…"

"Of course the concern would be there. I'll make sure to get to the bottom of things. Thank you… I was getting bored with them."

She giggled. "Glad to help. Tell everyone I said hi."

"You handled that very well."

She smiled, feeling how proud I was of her. Her answers… _the one_ in particular. "I'm just trying to get used to everything. I really am sorry I'm not adjusting well."

"You'd do better to not be so hard on yourself. You're right about how drastically your life has changed. You've done remarkably well, all things considered."

She was quiet for a minute before she looked up at me to cringe… "If I'm doing so '_remarkably well'_, then what was that at Fangtasia? You kinda flipped out."

"I didn't flip out. I quit. I'd had enough and decided that the night was over."

She giggled. "Is there a such thing as '_too bonded'_? It just occurred to me that I had a jealous, snarling, Were bitch in my grill and I didn't blink and like two minutes later, you had a hissy fit and stormed out."

I chuckled. "That's not funny."

"Or it's hilarious… So since you've declared that you're taking the night off, what are we doing tomorrow night?"

I growled at her… She already knew the answer. She was just being a brat by asking.

She giggled again, but got caught in a long yawn. "We should relax for a little bit before we go in at least."

"Have you planned anything for the day?"

"Ummmm… I need to go through the boxes of clothes Pam gave me…"

"Clothes?" _Pam? Pam parted with clothing?_

"Yeah… she left 4 boxes of stuff that she ordered and it ran big… She actually whined that vampires don't get 'fat days'."

"Of course she did… What else do you have planned?"

"Sunshine. My tan is fading."

"That's it? No mattress testing with your guard?"

She giggled again, this time sleepily. "Still funny… I should make sure to have him with me when I buy underwear for Hunter."

"And a bathing suit, his bath needs… sheets."

She snuggled closer, tighter. "Naw… I'm retiring from being a bitch for a while."


	31. Chapter 31

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 31**

**The Right Side Of The Bed**

Everything came to me at once.

Everything…

…the moisture of her mouth on my neck.

…the scent of sunlight falling from her hair.

…the heat radiating from her body.

…the perfect grip her little hand had on my dick.

She was hovering over me. On her knees. Not a bit of her was resting on me, yet her presence pressed against me as though I was weighed down…

I felt her smile against my neck as she purred, 'hello'.

She'd been waiting.

And as she worked, my body began to ache… No part of me could decide whether to join in or be her toy…

Until the first time she bit…

Her mouth had trailed down my ribs, chewing, grazing…

Pushing my tolerance for staying still…

But the way she pinched my skin at the top of my leg… teasing, but not breaking the skin… it pushed me from anxious to feral.

I surprised her, putting her back into the bed and holding her down.

"I told you to not tease me."

Her eyes seemed wild and she rubbed her knees along my sides… her excitement, her lust had only become more ripe. "I got carried away. I missed you."

"Is that an apology?"

"No… Can we afford to… _lose time_ tonight?"

She bit her lip, waiting for my answer and I considered _nothing_…

The possibilities that she offered made everything stop.

As Sookie pulled from me, it was as though I could feel myself fill her…

It was a mindful struggle to not get lost… to not give in to the intoxication… to resist the vacuum that we became when we shared blood…

Only making it worse was that Sookie had…

She'd completely given herself over to whatever it was that made us lose time, but I needed to know that I could control myself and it…

I needed to know what I'd missed…

Every bit of her wanted what I wanted…

_Every_ bit of her…

Without hesitation…

Without consciousness she had no usual undercurrents of being lacking as though she'd be some sort of disappointment…

Everything that I enjoyed was amplified back to me… tenfold.

We were sharing every bit of her adrenaline rush…

And when 'it' was finally over and we fell back to the bed, I was _breathless_…

More puzzling than that… when I stopped 'breathing' I was actually dizzy for a moment.

I pulled her closer, taking in what was left of the sun while she calmed down and finally letting myself get lost… The bliss that she practically flooded into the room after we'd fucked until she was too exhausted to cum anymore…

And as I lay with my arm around her body, as she panted covered in sweat and my smell… she felt as though she was getting warmer.

…She wasn't. Her heat wasn't building. I was cooling; as we calmed down, my body was going back to its usual temperature.

As though my _breathing_ wasn't enough to think about, I'd managed to have body heat…

I'd made no headway in comprehending the concept and had no idea how long I'd wondered, but it was long enough that she was the first to speak…

"Why'd you do that? You fought it." It was disappointing that she'd felt me holding back.

"Curiosity."

She giggled, still struggling to tame her breathing. "Isn't there a saying about observing the subject changing the subject's behavior?"

"I believe so."

"I'm curious too, but I'm greedy enough to not want to mess with it."

"I'm still concerned that I could hurt you. What do you suggest?"

Her fingers started feathering across my arm while she considered a way to resolve our interest and she finally let a small gasp. "We could record it."

"Vampire porn?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Butthead. So we can see what we're like. So we can see if it's different than when we don't share."

"I already know you're different."

She tilted her head to kiss me. "But you aren't worried about what I do."

"True."

"How was I different?"

"You were an animal. I had to hold you down. _I was scared_."

She cackled and started to slide over to leave the bed. "_Liar!_ I'm _**so**_ getting a video camera tomorrow at Wal-mart!"

"And a tripod?"

She turned around and came back to give me another kiss. "Only if you promise to let go next time."

"Agreed then."

She grinned and turned to leave again. "Your new phone is on the charger. I'm going to get my shower so we can head over to the bar."

I stared at the damn thing for a moment before I moved to touch it, pissed that I'd broken the old one and created my own nightmare of restoring all of the addresses and information…

My annoyance was hindered when I looked at my home screen… somehow I was greeted with the image of Sookie in the pool. She was unfortunately wearing a swimsuit, but she was floating on her back and basking in the sun…

The only way for that photo to be improved is if she'd been nude…

Answering my phone constantly would be far less irritating now…

And just as surprising, my data didn't need to be restored… It was as though I hadn't broken my old one, simply improved it with the picture of Sookie.

I slid into the shower behind Sookie and had my arms slapped for making her 'stink of sex' again.

I laughed at her, but didn't move my arms. "How did you manage that?"

"I grabbed the sim card from the pile of bits you left behind."

"Thank you, but I meant the picture."

"Gran took it while I was out today. She came to tell me that lunch was ready and thought you might like a picture of me."

"I'll have to think of a way to thank her. She was right. How is she? I've barely seen her since we returned from New Orleans."

She giggled as she started to rewash. "She spends a good part of the day talking my ear off about how much fun she has with Bubba. She's been reading until her eyes burn and takes breaks to make a catalog of your books. She's looking forward to tomorrow night though, since we're off."

"I am too. Things have been too hectic. Have concrete plans been made for Bartlett yet?"

She leered at me over her shoulder. "I talked to Jason today. He's _suddenly_ changed his mind." Uh-oh.

"Changed his mind about what exactly?"

"Well… he was originally upset that he was the only one who'd miss the man and wanted to have a full service… Now, he's planning on just dumping the ashes in the cemetery."

"No ceremony?" I was probably too proud of him and the subsequent look I got from Sookie proved it.

"None. Why'd you tell him?"

"I was wondering why no one else had. He's flawed, but he loves you enough to be angry about what you went through."

"But…"

"I understand that he had no business knowing when he was a child, but he's an adult now and couldn't understand why everyone else was being so cold on the matter. Given what he knew, the three of you _were_ being very Pam-ish over his death."

She stopped scowling to giggle at the joke. "How'd he take it?"

"He wished he knew so he could kill him."

"See, that's why…"

"I know, but now that he's dead there's no harm in Jason knowing."

"Well… thanks I guess. I don't know if I could've gotten through explaining and he _was_ really upset that he was grieving on his own."

"I didn't mind. He's not as dense as I once believed… What did you do today?"

"I slept until noon… made some phone calls… went through the boxes of clothes… finished off Gran's left over fried chicken and pecan pie… and laid out to bake."

"It sounds uneventful."

"It was, and it was _amazing_."

"Phone calls… anything important or just social?"

"A little of both. I called Arlene and JB to catch up. I called the foreman for the safe room. The furniture is waiting in the house. He's more than willing to snap a few pictures of the daily progress for us and send them our way. I resisted the urge to call Alcide to see if Debbie killed him. If I called and she was around, it would've caused a problem… I called Bobby with a few errands."

"You gave Bobby errands? Should you…?"

"Don't worry… I had him go get your replacement phone and research pediatricians and dentists. He left it all in the mailbox and went on his way."

"How was his demeanor when you spoke to him?"

"He was more polite than ever."

"You're sure that he isn't a threat?"

"I didn't say that. I don't plan on going anywhere near him now. There's no telling how long he could be affected. Jason is coming by in a bit to bring some groceries to tide us over until the three of us can go shopping tomorrow night."

"But you don't feel as though he's plotting, just unstable."

"Pretty much… If you're ok with it, I was thinking that we'd just give him a few little chores for the next couple days and let him think all is forgiven… then I'll have him over during the day so he's less suspecting. I'd have Alcide with me, of course, and we can hold him until sunset so you can glamour him and turn him out." Not bad.

"When did you think of this little plot?"

"While I was laying out. I'd rather hold on to him here so that I can be here when you come around, but… I don't trust him enough to be under the roof with Gran."

"I'm not particularly fond of the idea off you being around him either."

She sighed and stepped out of the shower to start drying. "I'm not either, but I'd feel better about Alcide being with him if I can read his mind."

"Whose?"

"Both of them… I wouldn't want Alcide to get carried away and hurt Bobby. I wouldn't want Bobby to hurt Alcide trying to get away. Reading their thoughts should help me see something brewing."

"I could just go get him myself."

"You pay him on the books though. If something _does_ happen and he's gone missing during the day, then you're less likely to be suspect." She's so very good at this…

"Then I can simply have Flood send a couple of random…"

"Flood's still leery of you. Pack involvement probably isn't called for since this really isn't a big deal in the scheme of things. If you're going to get them involved, it makes more sense to see what you're dealing with dealer-wise."

"That's all very shrewd of you… You'll make quite the decent vampire one day."

She giggled on her way out. "God, I hope so since I suck at being human half the time." _Nonsense_…

"You're excellent at being _**my**_ human."

She returned to give me a kiss. Without preamble her lips were on mine and her tongue had left her taste behind.

"What was that for?"

"Being so good to _**your**_ human." After another kiss, she was gone again.

I found Sookie in the library with Adele and Bubba.

Even if we hadn't already planned as such, Sookie's dress would've decided that tonight would be an early night.

Not unlike the black halter dress with short skirt that barely made it off of her body in one piece _either time she'd worn it_, this one was a dark purple that managed to accentuate not only her tan, but the blue of her eyes… the top was backless and barely contained her… the skirt barely covered her ass, leaving the full length of her deeply bronzed legs for me to picture wrapped around me again and the heel on her shoes made her legs seem that much longer…

It was too short and too low cut and was making me feel as though I hadn't touched her in ages…

I needed to be inside her again.

And the best I could do was blame our recent exchange… it wasn't helping.

My savior came in the form of Jason… _again_. Seriously?

He arrived at the front door not long after I forced my fangs back to greet Adele.

His arms were full of grocery bags so I lightened his load and led him to the kitchen to let him start putting things away since I was relatively clueless.

"Sorry I'm running late. I lost track of time cleaning out Hunter's room at their place and when I got home, I had that box of stuff I ordered waiting… I couldn't help myself. I went ahead and set it up."

"You already had a bed?"

"Yeah well, I need to rearrange a little to put the bed next to wall for him... He'll have my old one… I only used it for a year before we moved in with Gran… Am I allowed to go say 'hi' or will I just get shooed off again?"

"Jason, there's a reason that Adele doesn't want you to be around Bubba."

He stopped and stepped back, looking sickened. "Awwww, don't tell me she's done hooked up with him." _Fucking adorable._

"Do you have a problem with vampire/human relationships?"

"Dude! She's 82! He's like, what? 50?"

"I believe he was about 40 when he died."

"Ewwww. That's worse…" He shuddered.

I couldn't resist anymore. I finally started laughing. "They aren't a couple."

"Oh, thank God. I woulda had nightmares. I know it… So why is she kicking me to the curb?"

"I assume that you noticed that Bubba resembles someone relatively notable, yes?"

"Yeah. He'd make one hell of an impersonator…" He stopped and stared and I watched his face change as things came to him. "Noooooo. You're fucking with me."

"I'm not."

"That's _HIM_!?"

"No. That _**was**_ him. Adele's been sheltering him because he's _**really unhappy**_ with being reminded of who he was."

"So what… he just like… lays low and stuff?"

I nodded. "That would be accurate. It's difficult for him to avoid recognition. Adele was excited to meet him even though she knew that she couldn't speak with him about most of his life. They enjoy sharing stories about similar childhoods though."

"That's fucking nuts. I shook hands with the King."

"Sadly, you get no bragging rights though. We take the protection Bubba's identity very seriously."

"Hell, like anyone'd believe that shit anyway."

"True."

"So, what… no talking about… _stuff_. Right?"

"Right. Most recently he had to leave his home in Florida because another vampire foolishly asked him how he felt about his daughter's then recent marriage to that deranged singer…"

He chuckled. "Shit. He probably would've flipped his lid if he'd been alive too… I gotcha though. Treat him like just another guy and it's all good. I can do that."

Jason followed me back to the library when he was done sorting the groceries and the first thing Bubba said when we joined them was 'Hey Jason! Where ya been keeping yourself?'

I answered Adele's concerned look with a wink. She seemed to still be worried, but considering the leaps and bounds Jason had been making in his understanding of things, I was willing to hope…

Sookie smirked all the way to the car and was still highly amused as we made our way to Fangtasia.

"Are you enjoying what that dress is doing to me that much?"

"Yes, but that's not what has me so tickled."

"What then?"

"I got a text."

"It was funny enough to leave you this _tickled_?"

"You could say that…" She leaned over to pull her purse into her lap and retrieve her phone. She jokingly cleared her throat. "…Dear pain in the ass telepath, it galls me to have to remind you that I too share a bond with the lanky albino vampire you are toying with. Whatever you are doing to him, please stop. Some of us have to work."

"LANKY ALBINO!? She's going to pay for that!"

Sookie threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, it gets better! She sent that at around 8… I didn't read it until a few minutes ago when I heard the alert for the most recent one."

"The timing sounds about right. Do I want to know about the other one?"

"Other _ONES_… The next one was half an hour later. 'Fed and fucked. Didn't help. Seriously, stop.' At 9:10 she sent 'Can you at least dial it back? Taking 2nd dinner break.' I think she's going to kick my ass."

"I'll protect you. Is that all of them?"

She giggled, "No… 'I need you to stop. I've stomped the heels off of three pairs of shoes.' Then a few minutes later, 'Way to go. I'm in a pair of Ginger's odious Payless heels. I can FEEL that they were assembled by unskilled labor. *grudge*'… Then at 10:15 she sent, 'Pam equals one part pissed, one part dying-to-know… How are you still alive?' Just after that, 'ARE you still alive?"

"The texting stopped when we did?"

"Sort of. I got one that said, 'thank God it's over' around the time we were in the shower, but the last one came in while you were in the kitchen… I guess the dress made her quit."

I laughed, "She texted her resignation?" Texting it was new, but the carrier pigeon method was still my favorite.

"Dear sexaholic mind reader, I'm moving to Seychelles. I might be able to avoid the reaction from there…" Sookie gave a puzzled look. "Why Seychelles?"

I rolled my eyes at how much of a brat Pam can be. "She's threatened to move to the opposite side of the planet to avoid the backlash our sex life."

Sookie was still laughing when we arrived at Fangtasia and her mood only improved when she saw only 8 vampires in queue at the back door.

Pam was holding the back door for us by the time we'd gotten out of the car...

Highly annoyed and she'd been right about the shoes…

"Pam, I'm sure you've already placed an order for more shoes."

"Of course I have, but I was about to call you…"

"Is business so slow that you tired of texting?"

"Yes, but that's not the point. We have a problem." _Of course we do… Why wouldn't we?_ I was tempted to just burn the bar to the ground.

"Animal, vegetable or mineral?"

"Were."


	32. Chapter 32

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 32**

**Leash Laws**

"Did you call the dogcatcher?" I had the creeping suspicion that (with my recent luck) Alcide had gotten drunk and arrived to profess his undying love for the mailman… _resigning to elope_… No one knows with Weres.

Pam groaned, "I don't think they have enough leashes." Sookie giggled and called us '_bad'_.

"Did the whole pack get lost?"

Pam shifted to her other foot. "Like it matters. Flood is here with that bitch from last night… There's another one too."

"Three? _Coincidentally_, the Pack Master, the girlfriend of Sookie's guard and a third unidentified Were…"

"I can take a guess. I think it's Sookie's shifter."

"Why would you think that?"

"Tragic hair, plaid shirt, smells of fried food… and they noticed each other; Flood and Mr. Random Mutt. They've traded a few awkward looks, nothing more."

I turned to look at Sookie, and she was mirroring Pam's frustrated stance, only her eyes were closed.

She growled a few times before she opened her eyes and sighed, "I can't be sure why Sam is here, but Jason said something to him to make him want to talk to me. He's not in a crappy mood, just questioning his sanity for being here… Flood is here because he's looking out for Alcide. Debbie went to Flood and told him that you're blackmailing Alcide to be our guard."

"It sounds simple enough. We simply kill that bitch Pelt and that'll end the problem."

She started shaking her head. "I don't know why, but he loves her… You should call Alcide. They're here behind his back. Besides, you can't kill every pain in the ass."

"Things would be so much easier if I could."

I pulled my phone out of my pocket… Sookie in her bikini- quick mood lifter… calling the Were… Because every _Vampire_ bar needs to have 4 of them…

"Yeah?"

"Your phone manners are for shit."

"I'll tell my dad that you think he could've raised me better. I'm sure he'll lose sleep. Everything alright?" Just what I need, another flippant pain in my ass…

"That depends on how you define 'alright'. Normally I don't mind repeat customers…"

"FUCK. She's at Fangtasia isn't she? She's stirring shit up."

"Not yet. We thought you might want to join the party though… she brought your Pack Master along."

"Oh… You've got to be kidding me!"

"I wish I were."

"No. Seriously. I'll still come by if all you want is to put Bobby in a mop and have him sing Spice Girls or whatever." Pam's eyes lit up at the idea.

"We'll have to save that for another time."

Other than growling and grunting, he was quiet for a minute. "Be there in 10."

The three of us were on our way out to the floor when Sookie stopped and tilted her head. "You've got a dealer."

Pam huffed. "That's just _spectacular_. Who?"

"You were working the door… You noticed that he smelled too much like coffee. He didn't think he'd get in. It isn't blood though. Just powders and pills."

"At least that's something… Tell Me What You Want?" Already making Spice Girls plans?

Sookie giggled, "I pictured If You Wanna Be My Lover. Scary or Baby?"

Pam started laughing evilly. "Definitely Baby. What should we send?"

Sookie was quiet for a moment while she thought about the question. "Oooooh, how about a Care Bear?"

Pam was giddy. "A huge _**PINK**_ one!"

"And bon bons… I'll email Bobby in the morning so that he doesn't have any warning."

"Don't tell him it's for Alcide though. The look on Bobby's face will be half his fun."

I almost laughed before I realized that eventually… _they'd get __**me**_.

Pam broke ranks to remove the drug dealer since we _**did not**_ need the extra hassle of a narcotics raid…

And as we made our way over to Flood and the instigating bitch, Sookie reached up and gave Sam's shoulder a pat and asked him to 'sit tight' until we could tend to some business.

"Mr. Flood. What can I do for you tonight?"

"We need to talk about one of your employees. It seems he was hurt in your service." He was faking graciousness poorly, but at least he was making the attempt.

"That's news to me… Alcide's on his way here. My office?"

He gave a nod and began to follow us, but it was the bitch that had a problem. "What is _she_ doing? Why does _she_ get to go?"

I stopped and turned to her. "Miss Pelt, feel free to join us if you like, but I'm sure Mr. Flood will find Sookie's input helpful."

Instead of going directly into the office, Sookie went to the back door first. She led her clients in, apologizing for our 'pressing business' and promising to get to them as soon as possible.

They all seemed to appreciate being informed rather than being left outside witlessly and filed out to the bar politely...

With Sookie seated at my side behind my desk, I invited Flood to explain…

"Debbie here told me that Alcide painted a different picture for her than he did for me. You're holding Jackson's marker over him so that you'll have a guard for your pet."

"That's simply not true. Mr. Herveaux was given no ultimatums."

"How can I know that for sure? You're a sneaky shit and you're proud of it." Not the point.

"Feel free to ask him when he arrives. Sookie had already chosen him to be her guard before she discovered his father's debt. While it's the incentive he needed to sign the contract, I told him nothing would come of turning down the job offer."

"How did she 'choose him'?"

"Out of all of the Weres in attendance that night, He was one of only two that weren't behaving inappropriately towards her. That combined with his working and personal situations made him favorable to the other Were who has a family."

The bitch sniped in Sookie's direction, "_**Alcide**_ has a family."

Sookie scoffed. "Alcide has a father and you and his sister live out of town. When we have to travel, the other Were would miss his kids. Alcide would miss his empty house."

How much sense that made to Flood was written all over his face. "He hasn't been working for you a whole week yet and he's already been injured though."

I looked to Sookie, but she shook her head. She didn't know anymore than I did about what the fuck he was talking about. "We aren't aware of any injury."

The bitch again… "He has a huge bruise on his arm! He got it from protecting her."

Sookie forced a grin. "Picture it for me."

The bitch snarled and Sookie started to giggle.

"_Girl_, if that's what I think it is, he did that to himself…" She looked to me. "Alcide was _a little_ overzealous when he pinned Bobby to the wall. The bruise is on his forearm and Bobby's probably not moving his neck too comfortably today." _Gooooood boy._

Flood started shaking his head. "You're really a telepath?"

"Yes sir. I lived under the radar for a long time, but things have changed for me recently. Now that I'm public, so to speak, I need a guard during the day to keep an eye out for me."

"That's it?"

"Yes sir."

"You can read any mind?"

"No sir. Vampires are a blank, but I'm useful to them when it comes to their pets and employees. For anyone else I'm a walking lie detector."

"So how full of shit is this one?" He pointed to his '_offended'_ companion.

Sookie giggled. "Completely. She's got a bad temper on her and she thinks Alcide and I are fooling around. He told her exactly what was going on with his dad's marker and she chose to make you think Eric is blackmailing him because she doesn't want him around me and knows that Alcide wouldn't go against you. Alcide also told her exactly how he got that bruise, but she told you that he was nearly killed… That there was a 'big fight' when Alcide just pushed a man away from me and did the 'big and scary' thing. He'd have done more damage, but we were in public."

Flood nodded and turned to scowl at Pelt, but we were joined by Pam and Alcide…

Pam came in to place a drink on the corner of the desk for Sookie, grab a handful of disclosures and pens and leave again without a word.

No sooner than the door closed, Alcide growled at the girlfriend. With his arms folded over his chest, the bruise in question was easily seen and impressive even though it was already fading. "What the fuck could you possibly have told the Colonel to get him out here on a Sunday night?"

She stared at him without a good excuse so I took over. "I'm blackmailing you with your father's marker and you were injured in sizable brawl."

"So she left out the part where we argued about what happened last night and she told me she was going back to Jackson, but decided to stick around to fuck up tonight with her bullshit."

"That seems to be the case."

Flood turned to him. "What happened last night?"

"She waited for me to fall asleep and came up here to pick a fight with Sookie, but that was my fault. Everything got explained to her while she was here. She knows better than what she spewed at you."

"How was that your fault?"

"Instead of denying her accusations, I egged her on. My fault."

"But you said it was settled before she left."

"Yes sir. Sookie humored her even though Debbie was bowed up on _an officially protected asset of the queen_. She did it out in the bar with plenty of witnesses and these folks put up with more than they should've."

Flood stood up, adjusting his belt with a huff. "This isn't a pack matter, but if she comes to me like this again, I won't have a choice… I'm missing the news. My apologies, Sheriff. I was just…"

I cut him off, accepting that I'd most likely have done the same thing in his position. "Just looking out for your pack... Our jobs aren't much different."

"Just the same… Pleasure to meet you Miss Stackhouse."

Sookie reciprocated politely as he showed himself out.

Alcide hadn't wanted to, but he eventually took the seat that Flood had vacated. Before anyone had the opportunity to speak, Pam came in to deliver a beer for Alcide and she turned to leave again…

The bitch snapped, "What? You aren't going to offer me one?"

Pam didn't bother to look back as she left. "No."

Debbie scowled at Alcide for thanking her though… I'd have to get to the bottom of that later… If I didn't know better, I'd swear Pam had a degree of respect for Alcide.

Sookie interrupted my wonder by snorting, "No. He's not '_screwing'_ her either."

"STOP DOING THAT!"

All three of us laughed at her.

Alcide sat back, taking a sip of his beer. "I'm sure y'all are sick of hearing it, because I'm sick of saying it… Sorry. I'm sorry about all of this."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you permitted to keep her on a leash?"

"No, and she'd chew right through it if I tried."

"Then, all things considered, there doesn't seem to be any responsibility lying at your feet. I assume Flood was suggesting that he'd abjure her if she doesn't learn to heel."

He nodded, but she gasped. "_HEEL_!?"

As though I was in the mood for her before… "Let me explain it to you, Miss Pelt. You've embarrassed your boyfriend, his Pack Master and have wasted Sookie's valuable time while disrupting the course of the Sheriff's business. Any one of those acts by themselves is out of li…"

"How valuable could that trash be?" Trash? More infuriating than her opinion of Sookie was Sookie's lack of reaction to the word…

"On average, she makes approximately $400 per _MINUTE_. Do you have any other questions?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact… Who's that Shifter out there? Is he the guy you're replacing Alcide with once you get him killed?"

"No."

"How many other Weres are risking their asses protecting your pets?"

"I don't keep pets. Alcide is the personal bodyguard for my _bonded_ and her grandmother. Are you done yet?"

Sookie shook her head. "No. She's just getting started… _No_, Eric's not 'screwing' my grandmother too. _No_, Alcide doesn't want to 'screw' me. _Yes_, I do think he's too good for you. And no, it's not true that Were blood makes vampires ill. Some of them are quite fond of it so you aren't 'safe' just because you're a Were…"

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU FANGBANGING CUNT!" Even Alcide understood how close she was to going missing and leaned away from her.

Alcide's head fell back out of exasperation. "Are you seriously that stupid?"

"She's reading my mind!"

"Uh-huh… That's nice. You could've asked her to stop without name-calling. I probably should've let you think she's just a fangbanger…"

"She fucks a vamp. She's a fangbanger."

"No more than one beer makes a person an alcoholic. _They're practically married for fuck sakes!_ Why don't we stick to the Top 10 List of ways you're being a complete idiot." _Only 10?_

She delivered a snotty look to her boyfriend that needed to be slapped off of her face and turned to Sookie and slathered on a faux gentile tone. "Fine… Soooooookie, could you find it in your heart to stop poking around in my head?"

Sookie snickered. "Debbie, I use a lot of energy respecting the privacy of others and trying to avoid their thoughts, but you can bet your narrow ass, if you're around I'm going to be listening to you. All you've done is give me reasons to watch out for you."

"YOU BITCH!..." Her indignation was laughable, but short lived…

Sookie cut her off by growling and stood up to lean over my desk quickly enough to scare the bitch back in her chair. "You need to shut up. You need to stop pushing buttons when you don't know what'll happen. You need to learn how to back down when you know you're wrong. You need to apologize to Alcide, Mr. Flood and the Sheriff, but since YOU are a bitch and won't, YOU NEED TO GET OUT BEFORE YOU FIND OUT HOW MUCH DAMAGE I CAN DO TO YOU!"

The bitch stood up, matching Sookie's stare. "You think you're any kind of match for a Were, sweetheart?"

"Since I have the backup, I'm willing to find out."

Debbie took a step to put herself in Sookie's face. "Bitch, you have no idea who you're fucking with."

Before any of us knew what was happening, Sookie reached out and with a slight shove, had put Pelt into her seat. Our recent exchange had increased her speed and strength that much more… Sookie glared at the shocked Were. "I think the important thing for you to have a handle on here, is that you don't know who _**you're**_ fucking with…"

Alcide started chuckling as he took a sip of his drink. "Told ya. _Keep it up_."

"You son of a bitch… Defend me!"

"_Defend you?_ You mean make excuses for your lying and trouble making? You pulled my Pack Master out of bed by telling lies that could've started a damn grudge war… And if you want me to defend you from Sookie, well, you've got the wrong guy. I told you she'd beat your ass if you kept it up. And just so you know, I'll tell everyone that you got your ass handed to you by a human."

"She's not human… she's a blood fed redneck…"

"Whatever… You gonna head home yet or talk yourself into a hospital? You can share an ambulance with that Shifter you're preoccupied with… He doesn't have much sense either."

"You're fine with this? You're fine risking your ass to protect some vampire's whore!?"

"Noooo… But I'm fine with keeping an eye out for Sookie." Well put, but the longer Debbie was allowed to speak, the closer I was to going over my desk to get my hands around her spindly neck.

"This is ridiculous! Vampire shit'll get you killed."

"Right now, my bigger concern is your mouth getting _you killed_. You don't have to like that I'm moonlighting as her guard. You just have to deal with it."

"_All for your dad's debt!?_ What happens next year when it's paid off and runs up another marker?" _By then he'd be blacklisted._

"Debbie. Go home."

She stared at him for so long that I was tempted to grab her mangy ass and carry her out, but she eventually stomped out of the office on her own volition…

Sookie grinned sympathetically. "I don't know, but it should tell you something."

He growled at her half-heartedly, apparently annoyed that she was answering one of his thoughts.

She giggled and swirled her finger in the air. "Sorry. Working. It was an accident."

His eyes rolled. "_This time_… So, uh… did I say I'm sorry yet?" I actually found myself feeling sorry for the bastard. He probably had no idea how trivial the production had been… a drop in a bucket compared to most of the shit that I have to deal with.

"Don't be. If she keeps this up, I can cancel Pam's subscription to TeleMundo."

He snorted, "Like sands in an hour glass…"

Sookie giggled the ending, "…These are the days of our lives." I pretended to not understand rather than explain that one of Pam's safe house past times had been catching up on her 'stories'… 47 episodes once. Back to back… Needless to say, after 5 nights I was willing to deal with the risks of leaving the safe house.

Pam came into the office and shared Sookie's chair with her with a wide grin. "So, what'd I miss?"

Sookie laughed and nudged her. "Nothing! You were spying."

Pam gasped playfully. "Whooooo? Meeeee?... By the way, _**that**_ dress…" She pointed back and forth between Sookie's breasts. "See why it didn't fit? Those are… _simply hypnotic_." _She was right about that._

"And your ass woulda hung out. You're longer in the bod than me."

Pam gave her a knowing smirk. "But a flirty little pair of rumba-panties…"

Sookie snorted, "_Bullshit_. You'da worn a thong… If anything."

Pam shook her head. "And?"

Alcide's eyes started rolling at the 'girl-talk'. "So why is Merlotte here? Y'all have a Were Night I haven't heard about or did y'all just hit the two-natured lotto?"

Pam deadpanned, "Just lucky, I guess."

I snorted at her. "You'll get over it. You're a closet animal lover."

"I. Am. Not."

"I have evidence."

"You do not!" She regretted her denial as soon as she'd opened her mouth.

"Your charitable tax write-off for the past 5 years have been zoos… _**AND**_ you cried at Tarzan."

Alcide started laughing. "Which one?"

"The last couple of years… Houston. They need a new primate habitat." Pam crossed her arms to set into her pout.

"No. Which Tarzan?"

"Greystoke _and_ Disney's."

She spat her defense. "He wasn't happy living as a human!"

The rest of us shared a round of looks before we started laughing at her.

"…It was a metaphor!"

"If you say so… What's your excuse for violently sobbing over the baby gorilla's death at the beginning of the cartoon?"

She opened her mouth to reply, but Alcide beat her to it… "Hey… _That was some sad shit_… and then when the mom gorilla found baby Tarzan… _Cried like a baby_." He nodded solemnly enough.

"Really?" Pussy.

He managed a serious face for moment before he started shaking his head and laughing. "No! Not really! It was a cartoon!"

We all laughed hard enough that I almost felt sorry for Pam…

Almost.

It was decided that Sookie would go out to the bar to deal with her Shifter…

His 'comfort level' being her primary reason… He'd feel uncomfortable in close quarters with me. Not that I gave a shit, but she managed to sell her plan by reminding us that meeting him out at the bar would give us all access to spy more subtly…

While Sookie took a moment to use the bathroom, Alcide posted himself at the other end of the bar, Pam went to work the door and I went to my seat on the stage… the orchestrated positioning was anything but subtle.

Once in place, I grabbed my phone to check for messages…

I had the usual barrage of needy requests for how to attain Sookie's services… and one from Jason… 'You're house is all electric right? I just heard on the news that 6 ppl died cuz of a gas leak."

That was NOT stupid.

_**That**_ was a well veiled message if ever I read one… I couldn't bring myself to care that he probably spent a while trying to come up with it… The message that my 'drainer' problem had been defused was impressive considering its source. Not only was the text well guarded, but I had to give him credit for thinking to word it carefully at all… He could've sent, 'them vamps kilt those drainers 4 ya'.

Jason's nature wasn't as puzzling now that I understood that a mysterious Faerie heritage was involved, in fact it explained what I could only describe as a heightened intuition… Impressed as I was with his instincts, every display reminded me that Sookie and I had a long discussion ahead of us…

And it would need to happen soon so that she wouldn't feel as though I was hiding it from her…

As Sookie emerged from the back, I began using emails as cover for my observation.

She patted the Shifter's shoulder again as she sat next to him. "Hey Sam." Her 'companion' attracted attention immediately. Every undead set of eyes in the bar was drawn to the two of them.

"Hey, busy night?"

"Pretty slow actually. Who'da thought vampires rest on Sunday too, right?"

He snorted. "That _is_ kinda funny."

Sookie grinned and ordered a beer and a cherry coke from Chow… "So what brings you out?"

He cleared his throat and squirmed. "Is this as private as I'm going to get?"

"Unless you want Eric to be with us in his office, yes. After what happened at lunch the other day, you've got no right to argue his reason for concern."

He groaned quietly in submission. "I guess not. The wolf a necessity too?" Alcide smirked and showed his 'fuck you' finger from his perch.

"Not with Eric here, but it's never a bad idea for your guard to be in the know."

"Guard? You called him your friend the other day."

"He's that too, but I didn't want everyone in Bon Temps to wonder why I have a guard. Silly me, I thought you might have figured that out… So what did Jason say to make you want to talk to me?"

His face looked almost angry when he turned to look at her. "You couldn't always read my mind like that."

She shrugged. "My telepathy is stronger now."

"Because of his blood." His tone was accusatory and she didn't appreciate it anymore than I did.

"That's probably part of it, but I'm using the telepathy now too instead of pushing it back."

"So _**you are**_ taking his blood?"

"We're bonded, Sam. Yes."

"Did Eric kill Bill to get him out of the way? Whole towns talking about how he disappeared right after they had that argument."

"I guess the gossips aren't mentioning that Eric _ordered_ him out of the area."

"No… They're making sure to mention Bill was tossed like a hot potato though."

Sookie huffed. "Bill's probably still strung up with silver... He was going to turn me and use my ability for his own gain. The queen is not amused."

He gasped… like a girl. "He was… what if you rose and didn't have it anymore?"

"I think he was hoping I'd rise and it'd be stronger, but I'm sure he'd have ended me if he was wrong."

"That explains the 3 vampires who came into the bar looking for Bill… Any idea why 2 giant Germans came in? I'm pretty sure they glamoured Arlene, Terry and Lafayette after pumping them for info about you."

She giggled, "Saxons."

"What?"

"Saxons. They're older than Germany… They're Saxons. They were probably just making sure that there weren't any home town concerns about safety. They might have glamoured them to report seeing Bill around once he's cut lose since he's banished from the state... And I was still on the fence about working."

"What changed so suddenly?"

She was quiet for a moment, taking a sip of her drink… she spent a moment deliberating before she reached across the bar to grab a pen and a napkin. "By a strange twist of fate, I'm going to be a _mother_." She was still having the same peculiar feeling when it was mentioned. Not planning for his arrival or his care, simply when things were put into terms of relationships… It was as though the idea of motherhood gave her a sense of playing Russian roulette. As though she knew she shouldn't do 'it', but felt compelled… terror and thrill in tandem.

"What!?"

She grinned at him, clearly anticipating his reaction and slid the napkin over. Wondering how that napkin's note was worded would nag at me until I could ask.

He looked at it for a moment, holding it in a shaky hand. "No."

"Yeah. Crazy huh?"

"How the hell are you going to manage that?"

"Carefully."

"You… You're… And he…?" He glanced in my direction for a moment. He obviously had a thousand and one questions to ask that he couldn't get answers to in the open…

"Yes, yes, and yes… He's moving in this week… You still haven't told me what you and Jason talked about."

He stared at Sookie. He stared for too long… I had just realized that he was letting her read his mind when Alcide snarled, "Out loud, dickhead. There's a reason you don't get any privacy." Even though he had a better vantage point, I was still impressed that he picked up on Sam's maneuver… As subtle as Sam was trying to be, the fact that Sookie's guard was capable of noticing made me feel much better about his position… Pam even sent an approving glance in my direction… _Sookie really had picked a good one_.

Merlotte all but ignored Alcide's order, intent on finishing his thought before moving to speak. "I'm starting to realize I've been more of an asshole than called for." _You think?_

She giggled, "Behave."

He lifted his hands in confusion. "What? I was…"

She shook her head, waving her finger in my direction, then Alcide's. "Not you. Them." She'd heard me again… 5. Five times that I knew of… I caught myself wondering why it didn't bother me…

"What's he doing?"

"Nothing… Why'd it take Jason, Sam?"

He shrugged and moved as though he had a death wish, lifting Sookie's hand from where it was resting on the bar, studying her ring as he spoke. "I don't know. I guess it was how he hated Bill even talking to you… He'd sit in the bar and bitch about him. The more he drank, the worse he got… He'd just hurt you. He'd just use you. There was just something about the shifty asshole he didn't trust… There had to be more O negative blondes, why'd Bill have to pick his sister for dinner…"

"So you figured that if Jason isn't worried about my safety and bitching about Eric the same way…"

"He'd know since he's been around y'all."

I felt her flash of anger as she yanked her hand away from him. "You mean as opposed to just taking my word for it?" I'd anticipated when I felt how calm Sookie was about his presence, that she'd easily forgive his behavior… A fact that only mildly annoyed me. Not that her burying the proverbial hatchet with him is something that'd bother me, if not for her peace of mind but for the fact that having a Shifter as an ally rather than an embittered romantic reject is a plus… but my sense of fairness admittedly would have been damaged since I'd suffered her indignant wrath for two nights. It wasn't going to bother masking that it was nice to see he wasn't as easily forgiven, all things considered.

"I told you… I'm only now starting to realize what an asshole I've been."

"An asshole that very nearly got himself killed for not knowing how long his chain is…"

"Knock that off…"

Sookie didn't even look back to bring Alcide into the conversation. "Alcide, how long is my leash?"

"You don't need one. You know how to behave." _Good answer_… He might get a treat for that… especially since every single fucking nosey ass vampire in the bar was tuned into Sookie's discussion with Sam like it was the season finale of their favorite TV show. The humans were typically oblivious, but the vampires weren't customers as much as spectators.

"Thank you…" She gave Sam a look daring him to be indignant before she continued with him. "Sam don't think for a second that showing up here now that you heard from my brother is going to make up for the fact that you spent more than a week treating me like dirt based on some misguided belief that you're the only 'special' person who isn't what nightmares are made of. You have no idea how much it hurt that you would dismiss how long we've been friends because you don't approve of who I choose to spend my life with."

"You're going to be pissed at me for a while, huh?"

"You bet your ass I am. You had the balls to insult my grandmother's stability and you called me brainless!"

"I told you…"

"Are we going to talk about how you suggested that I was only with my master because of what he spends on me?" Like hearing her say _the words_ weren't enough… Feeling how she meant them… watching the metaphorical rod go up Sam's ass at hearing them… I couldn't get her home soon enough.

"What I meant…"

"Because I can tell you, not that you'll pay it any mind until someone else testifies, that Eric spoils me by keeping me safe."

"I know that now…"

"Right. Because someone else informed you that I'm not a gold digger. Not because you know me better than to think that."

"Would you stop interrupting. I said I'm…"

"Starting to realize what an asshole you've been. Funny thing about that… You've known me a hell of a lot longer than Eric and he…"

"I get it! I'm sorry!"

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah. Good. I'm glad something finally yanked your head out of your ass." No, his head was dislodged when she called me her master loud enough for the whole bar to hear her.

"Yeah, well… who's gonna do that for you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You act like you've never had a bad reaction to anything in all of your life. You're a stubborn bitch when you want to be."

"Yep. I'm a real horse's ass about having one of my closest friends be a complete hypocrite."

"How am I being a hypocrite?"

"Because you've been damning me based on Dark Shadows/Bram Stoker notions… How much would you like it if I turned it around on you and trusted The Howling and Silver Bullet? It's all bullshit and you know it."

"Not all of it. Vampires actually do drink blood."

She cleared her throat. "And _what do you do during a full moon_?" Alcide coughed out 'goats' earning a dirty look from Sam… He seemed _oh so worried_.

"Not the point."

"Yes it is. Why don't we all set a date for a movie night. We can watch Underworld…" She rolled her eyes and looked over to Alcide. "Thanks a buttload. You just ruined the ending!" Alcide managed to look apologetic _while he laughed._

Sam growled at her. "Fine. I fucking get it…"

"Do you? Because I'm pretty pissed that you're acting like you're the only one with the right to be different."

"I was born like this though…"

She cocked her head to the side. "_Seriously?..._ You're not the only one who didn't get any choices. You're being _really_ biased… And neglecting the fact that I'M the only one here with the distinction of being born a certain way. Everyone else can remember something about being plain ole human. Look, I'm glad you miss our friendship enough to feel guilty about how you've been acting, but missing me doesn't make me any less Eric's and you're obviously still hung up on that. Go home."

He stood up, looking very confused. "Sookie. I…"

"It means a lot to me that you tried, but I can hear your doubts. I'll give you a do-over later."

"But…"

"I don't expect you to go around singing vampire praises, but I don't want to be around you when you're still being hateful since you can't hide it from me."

He gave her a long look before he nodded and started for the door.

As soon as he was gone, Sookie made a show of using the sink behind the bar to wash his scent from her hands… further proving to the audience of on-looking vampires that she doesn't need a leash…

She walked directly over to me and waited until I held my hand out for hers to lead her into my lap since there was still some lingering interest from the peanut gallery.

"Adele was right. He's starting to come around."

She huffed, "We should talk about it later. Right now, I'm being negligent."

"I don't think any of your clients mind too much. They were paying close attention to the show."

She giggled. "No more than you and Alcide."

"We were being alert… They were prying."

"Nice loophole. Let's get this taken care of… Most of them aren't going to take but a minute." She stood up, still holding my hand.

"You've already read them, haven't you?"

She winked at me. "Before they were out of the back hallway."

Seven vampires and twelve pets were in and out of the office in less than 30 minutes…

Sookie had paid little attention to how anyone had been in position in line, but since she was moving her customers so quickly (most of them hadn't needed to sit down), no one seemed to mind…

Hendrick was Sookie's 8th paying customer… He was one of the 'young' vampires that I had intended to call in for Sookie to test… to listen for the 'whispering'…

Rather than the brisk yet polite service she'd been offering to the turnstile of clients, she sat back into her chair and eyed the vampire curiously before informing him that the only concern he had where his pet was concerned was that she was only interested in him for the sex… and he couldn't have been happier to hear the news. He was only in the office for a moment and once he was gone, Sookie gave me a frustrated shake of her head…

The mysterious whispering she'd heard from Hadley wasn't because she was a young vampire like I'd hoped…

That left Faeries… and finding a cooperative Fae was probably going to prove to be as simple as finding a sexy troll.

Even if finding one was possible, there was still the possibility that the 'whispers' were a product of still unknown variables…

Sookie let gravity do all of the work of putting her into the car to go home.

"Your fatigue is sudden."

"I'm just sick of the crap. It bothers me that Sam underestimates me so much… And he's being so two-faced right now… He says he's sorry for being a jerk, but he's blaming you… even though Alcide was right there, he's positive that you've turned me against him because 'it's no secret that Vamps hate Weres'."

"So what wisdom was it that Jason imparted on him that inspired the visit?"

"It all started when he asked Arlene how she was holding up… She lashed out at him and called him a sympathizer… He actually didn't say anything directly to Sam, but most of the bar heard him."

"Do I want to know?"

"He told her that he _is_ a sympathizer now that he's met a few vampires… some good, some bad… he told her, and I quote, 'That vampire Sookie's with is a scary mother fucker when he needs to be. You wouldn't want to cross him any more than you'd tell Mrs. Fortenberry a secret… but he's good to Sookie and Gran and that's all I give a shit about. But none of that changes that I was asking how you and your youngins are doing. If I wanted to hear crazy anti-vampire shit I'd just visit your boyfriend in jail."

"Sam was what… _remembering it to you?"_

"That's a good way to put it… Do you think Jason did any damage when he went running off at the mouth?"

I faked a sniffle, hoping to lighten her mood. "I think your brother likes me."

She giggled lightly. "You're not worried, then."

"No… He _did_ call me a scary mother fucker…" Drawling like Jason earned another giggle from her. "...I'm sure no one paid much attention, but his sentiment was harmless."

"Good. He'd be upset if he found out he screwed up."

"I'm sure… How was it that you worded the news of Hunter to Sam?"

"That I'm adopting a little boy. I'm not willing to give any more details than that especially considering Sam's state of mind right now. The last thing we need is for him to start gossiping while he's still upset."

"I think that remaining unclear in general is in our best interests. More details would lead to more examination. We shouldn't have to answer too many questions… Once your Bon Temps neighbors know, there won't be many others who would think to ask."

"You're the 'sneaky shit'… I guess I'll defer to you."

"Flood certainly has a way with words."

"He thinks you're 'a conniving bullshit artist', but he's heard stories that make him grateful… He had some serious ugliness playing out in his head… it was a long time ago… palm trees… it was much less successful Vampire/Were relations."

"We'll have to keep that between us. If rumors get out that we have any kind of esteem for each other, things could get ugly."

She smiled at me. "My lips are sealed… What are you still curious about? Debbie?"

"Not her. She's typical enough that your ability is superfluous. She's just another jealous bitch… What I was wondering about was Alcide's thoughts… the ones you reacted to."

She cringed. "In the office… He thought, 'why am I always happy to see her leave?' and then in the bar when you were being sarcastic, he was wondering if Shifters could actually turn into just an asshole… the mental image was horrible."

When I started laughing, she managed to snicker… barely.

Adele had spent a large part of the day baking and had worn herself out enough to fall asleep in the library while Jason and Bubba rattled on about baseball… Bubba actually apologized for having bored her and was disappointed to hear that he'd have Monday night off… But the goon was just as happy to have been 'visiting with Jason' and the feeling was seemingly mutual.

The two geniuses took their leave while Sookie and I settled Adele into her bed. She hadn't budged when I picked her up and only stirred to offer a sleepy 'goodnight' as I set her down…

Once in our room, Sookie unceremoniously let her dress fall away before sliding into bed…

I sat at the desk in our room to get some actual work accomplished including writing a stock email with answers to the most frequently asked questions about Sookie's services and replying to the more complicated ones I'd received earlier in the evening…

While my activities weren't much different from the motions I'd gone through on the night we argued, a certain peace came from being close to her… She was exhausted… enough that even in her sleep it was affecting me… but it wasn't my fault this time.

Pam waited until I was nearly done with the chore of paperwork to call and check in… rather, pry about my weary mood. The brat was disappointed that the reasoning wasn't more 'exciting'… so harassing her about waitressing for a Were gave her an excuse to leave me be.

I'd barely slid into place next to Sookie before she snuggled into my side.

She mumbled sleepily, "Sorry."

"If he's going to have this effect on you, I don't want Sam around you."

"I know."

"You're too drained to smile."

I watched her try, but she failed before she managed to fake a grin. "I wish you hadn't told me that he's a Shifter… I don't think it would hurt as bad if I still thought he's just a human." It wouldn't matter… he had still turned his back on her. He hadn't been one of her _best_ friends, he'd been one of her _only_ friends and he should fucking know her well enough to see that she's fine.

"Can I kill him?"

"No… Screw him. He doesn't get the satisfaction of being right about anything."

"What if I just have him neutered during the next full moon?"

She tried to laugh, but it was merely a hum. "_That_… if he keeps it up… maybe."


	33. Chapter 33

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 33**

**Failure**

Pain.

It was everything, all that existed for a moment.

My chest felt as though it was being crushed. My head felt like it had collided with something hard…

But I was fine.

No blood. No one around. No obvious reasons for my pain or the unexplainable tears that had started to haze my vision… but…

No Sookie…

In fact… No one. The house was completely deserted.

As alarm set in, I flew out of the bed to find some clothes…

Feeling for her didn't help… She wasn't home. She wasn't anywhere nearby either. She was gone…

Not home and in pain… And all I could tell was that she was somewhere southeast of me…

I barely managed to eliminate Bon Temps as her location as I tore through 2 pairs of jeans in my panicked rush to leave the house on my search.

I was so distracted, so consumed with finding Sookie that my phone startled me when it began to ring…

My phone. I hadn't even thought to look at my phone…

It wasn't Sookie calling and the fact that her guard was calling me when I was feeling so much pain from her made me hesitate to answer…

"Alcide, where is she?'

"We're at Bon Secures…" No. no. no…

"The hospital!? What the fuck happened?"

"It's not Sookie… Adele collapsed."

"Collapsed?"

"Sookie isn't doing a lot of talking, but Adele was putting laundry away and fell on her way back downstairs."

"How is she?"

"It was a heart attack… they're saying that it wasn't a bad one, but since she fell…"

"Why is Sookie in pain?"

"She's a wreck because of Adele… but…" He cleared his throat. "Sookie doesn't do well in hospitals." Fuck… why would a telepath 'do well' surrounded by pain and suffering. Fuck!

"What are the doctors doing for Adele?"

"She needs surgery on her leg. She banged it up pretty bad, but they're wanting for her to stabilize first. She's unconscious from the concussion."

"Tell her I'm on my way."

"Uh… The sun's still up for a while… I'm surprised you answered…" I hadn't thought to look at time anymore then my phone.

"Then why did you call?"

"Sookie got worse a minute ago… Said you were up." She'd felt my fears, like what she was already dealing with wasn't too much for her.

"Is she in an isolated area?"

He cleared his throat. "No. I tried to get her to go somewhere quiet, but she won't leave the waiting room. She's afraid she'll miss news. I thought about forcing her, but I think it'll just make things worse. Jason's doing his best to calm her down, but she won't touch him. He's freaking out too." Fuck!

"She needs to be sedated before she gives _herself_ a heart attack." Now would be a great time for her to be glamoured.

"Uh… Eric, she is… They gave her a valium. All it did was calm her down enough to not hyperventilate anymore."

"As soon as she's given another update, take her out for some fresh air. I'll be there as soon as I can."

I paced…

I practically bounced off of the walls of our room.

Plagued through our bond with overwhelming fear and hurt to the point that my attempts to calm her were in vain… I couldn't even muster the ability to convince myself to calm down…

I was completely fucking useless.

Still 45 minutes to go until I could step outside…

Still 45 minutes until I could go to Sookie…

Knowing that I wouldn't be much more help than offering a quiet mind for her to hide in, but it was still something.

It was weak, but it was still a purpose.

With only 20 minutes left until sunset, I ventured upstairs…

The kitchen was dark, shielded from the sun even during the brightest part of the day… The counter was spread with fruit… two place settings… the plates were seemingly untouched, loaded with eggs and toast… a full cup of coffee sitting next to each…

All of it was as cold as me.

It had happened in the morning… Sookie had been suffering for hours…

And she would have every right to be bitter that I wasn't available.

I was staring at the pan resting in the sink when my phone began to ring again.

This time, it was Pam.

The phone was barely at my ear. "What the fuck?" She'd risen in a similar state as I had.

"I'm waiting to go join them now. Adele had a heart attack this morning. They're at the hospital…"

"Oh my god… Eric… How is she?" Explaining to Pam only added to the battery of emotions that I was already finding impossible to handle.

"According to Alcide the heart attack was mild, but when it happened she was on the stairs… she fell. She's suffering from a concussion and her leg needs surgery somehow."

"Surgery?"

"I'm not sure about the details. I'll find out more at the hospital."

"I'm getting dressed now. I'll meet you there."

"Pam… They've been at the hospital all day. Alcide can't get Sookie to leave the waiting room and she's not doing well considering what she's surrounded with… would you… stop on your way to get them something to eat?"

She was quiet for a minute… "Eric, I can try, but I'm not sure… yeah. I'll figure something out… Sookie and Alcide, is Jason there?"

"He is, but he's understandably distraught."

"Who isn't!?"

In spite of the roads in between home and the hospital being congested with every sluggish idiot and erratic moron in the area code as though there was an organized blockade formed with the sole purpose of pushing me into a killing spree, I still managed to make it to the hospital in less than 15 minutes… I did have to take a moment to glamour my way out of a speeding ticket once I arrived, but it still took less time than actually dealing with the process of 'license and registration' followed by being hassled for a 'blatant disregard for human safety laws'.

If it hadn't been for the fact that she was waiting at the threshold to the 'Critical Care Unit' entrance, I might not have recognized her based on sight.

Sookie's face was swollen and red. Her hair a tangled mess… Not at all her usually bright and pulled together self.

She was wearing a pair of Jason's sweat pants and one of my t-shirts over her pink bikini… It seemed she'd been planning on laying out for some sun after breakfast and found herself hastily dressing in the laundry room instead.

Sookie fidgeted, pacing the width of the hallway along the opening to the wing as though an invisible force was tethering her from leaving…

Almost like a vampire awaiting an invitation to enter.

…And the moment I crossed into the department, Sookie launched herself against me…

My shirt was instantly soaked with a torrential flood of fresh tears as she wept, shaking violently while her guard and brother watched from behind the glass walls of the waiting room.

Trying to calm her failed again and in spite of the hold I had on her, she didn't seem to be trying to avoid her upset by using me to seek any peace.

I couldn't tolerate it for long. It had been needling at me for long enough and knowing that she had been suffering for far longer than I had, only made the situation seem more dismal.

"Sookie, you need to try to calm down if you won't let me help you."

She practically radiated guilt and sobbed, "It's my fault she fell."

"How could it possibly be your fault, Sookie? You didn't cause her heart…"

"I should've known… She called me, but I didn't answer her… then I heard her fall."

"You think that if you hadn't had your shields up, you'd have known something was wrong?" I'd barely finished before she began hyperventilating again… her legs gave up and if I hadn't already been holding her, she'd have crumbled into the floor.

"I… I didn't… I was frying the eggs… I let her… I let her…"

I shushed her, lifting her to take her to the waiting room…

It wasn't until I sat down with her in my lap that I felt her all but disappear. She finally decided to 'hide in my bubble'. Her breathing slowed down and her aching diminished… the only thing left was my own worry and Pam's frazzled and rushed mood. Manageable.

"That's what she was like until you woke up."

Alcide had barely waited until I was sitting with her before settling in the chairs across from us. Jason followed suit. As much as they were worried, they were curious.

Jason stared at Sookie for a minute before saying anything. "What the hell is that? She's been freaking the fuck out all day. How'd you calm her down?"

"I didn't. She's focusing on my thoughts."

"I thought she can't read y'all though."

"She can't. Our minds are blank to her. She's focusing on nothing. It's better than the alternative."

"How'd she calm down once you were up though? She got way worse again for a minute, but by the time Alcide was back from calling you, she'd settled down again."

"When I rose, I could feel her right away. She's actually in physical pain. She 'got worse' because she was feeling my sudden panic in addition to dealing with her own. What's known of Adele's condition?"

Jason sat back, running his hands through his hair… frustrated that I'd changed the subject to avoid explaining our bond with two families present. "They did some kind of tests… The blockage isn't too bad that they want to do heart surgery. They think medication will work on it. They're surprised she's in such good shape considering her age… They're more worried about what the tumble did. She shattered her knee and the concussion is pretty bad…"

Alcide interrupted to explain. "It caused a seizure while they were working on her." Shit.

"To clarify, her heart isn't a concern."

Alcide shook his head. "No. Near as the docs can tell, it was the timing of it. They're running another round of tests and when she wakes up they can see her."

Thankfully, Sookie had all but locked herself inside my quiet mind by the time Pam arrived.

I only wasted a second wondering why she'd have Bubba in tow… The massive bag of take-out was the dead giveaway… My child in all of her resourcefulness had called the only vampire she could think of that might have a clue of what to order at a restaurant.

She shrugged as he contentedly began unloading the bag onto the small table in the corner. "Pork chops, mashed taters, mac'n'cheese, collards, stewed maters, sweet tea… Miss Adele says she makes this kinda thing for Sundy suppers. How she doin'?" _Shrimp salad, shrimp gumbo, shrimp kabobs, fried shrimp…_ Every time I saw Bubba, I regretted having seen Forrest Gump… It made a straight face nearly impossible.

Jason almost managed to smile at him. "She's hanging in there… We're still waiting for word."

"Well, y'all c'mon and get your fill… Stuffs no good cold. I 'member that much."

Despite how much Pam wanted to be informed on Adele's health, I took the time to pull away from Sookie.

I set her on a chair at the table while Alcide and Jason started to fill a plate for her.

It took a moment for her to drift back once I'd broken our contact. "Pam and Bubba have brought dinner. You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You might not feel hungry, but you haven't eaten anything since dinner last night. You'll eat so I don't have to worry about you too."

"Eric, I don't…"

"Sookie, Bubba's feelings would be hurt if he thinks he didn't order well."

She sniffled, "Damn Baptist."

I smiled at her. "Pam and I are going to get some news even if we have to glamour to get it. We'll be back soon."

She nodded and after she kissed me, she turned to see a filled plate and Bubba pouring tea into a paper cup for her.

We found a vacant room to offer a slight amount of privacy. I'd have skipped the step altogether if Pam wasn't nearly crazed to get information.

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear she was _your_ grandmother."

She actually punched me… her south paw hammered right into my cheek. "Asshole!" It was a good one too, but my plans to rattle her cage halted seeing her eyes start to fill.

"It's not like you to give a shit about… _anything_."

"Fuck you. I learned from the best and Adele… _I haven't known her long enough, damn it_." She had to know that feeling was mutual.

"Fine. I'm sorry then."

"What do we know?"

"I'm going to confirm it with a doctor first, but according to Alcide her heart isn't in question. It's the injuries from her fall that are the problem."

"She… How hurt is she?"

"A 'shattered' knee and a head injury severe enough to have caused convulsions."

"So why did I come with you to talk to a doctor?"

"You didn't. You came with me because I need a look out."

It took longer than I thought it would to find a doctor who was working on Adele's case… the fifth one we stopped to be exact.

I had to question her intelligence since she believed that Pam and I were Adele's grandchildren, but she freely explained that Adele's 'subendocardial infarction' was a-typically mild for a woman her age and that tests showed the remaining 'plaque' was minimal and didn't give the doctors much reason for concern. Adele was for all intents and purposes 'healthy as a horse'… except, of course, for the fact that she needed a 'knee arthroplasty' and was bleeding into her brain… I had to hold Pam back until the doctor could get away…

And then we had to find someone who knew which room Adele was in since I hadn't had the chance to ask the doctor.

The weepy episode that Pam had only just managed to keep at bay finally came to a head when she saw Adele's state…

But I'd be lying to say that seeing her like that was anything less than devastating. Even if I had questioned my plans for a second, the sight before us would have erased any doubt I could have had.

Her hospital gown hardly covered her, making way for the dozens of leads monitoring her heart… Her leg was in traction with a cooling device resting on her knee to prevent swelling… Her neck was locked into a brace to keep her from moving her head around…

And as though seeing the woman we'd quickly grown too fond of held together with medical equipment that resembled torture devices wasn't enough, the fact that the entire right side of her body was black and purple could be considered epic.

Pam wasn't even bothering to hide her teary reaction as she shoved me towards Adele's bed. "What are you waiting for!?"

It was bizarre that I couldn't laugh at her. I usually managed to avoid my own reactions by finding absurdity in hers… That wasn't going to work today.

Instead of reminding Pam how out of line she was, I managed to forgive the push… Had it been any other circumstances, I'd have shoved back… but… had it been any other circumstances she wouldn't care enough to have bothered.

I started with the cart closest the door, rifling through the drawers and finding what I was looking for in the second drawer… I motioned to Pam to secure the door…

It had taken us long enough to find a doctor that I had felt Sookie's satisfaction from her meal, but as quickly as she ate her tension began rising again because Pam and I had been gone for so long.

The scalpel was sharp enough that I didn't feel it cut into my hand until I was already holding it to Adele's mouth…

It only took a moment, and I'd known it wouldn't take much, but her bruises started to fade quickly…

The darkest of them were purple by the time we could hear the heart monitor register what Pam and I could already hear…

Adele was getting stronger before she managed to take her first swallow.

I took a seat on the side of the bed while Pam cleaned her face… only leaving her post once she was satisfied that Adele had 'enough'… even then, it was only when the cooling apparatus began shaking as Adele's knee healed that Pam was reassured at all.

_**That**__ was amusing_… My blood would've brought Adele back from much worse injuries and Pam knew it. She still stayed in the room until she saw Adele's eyes start to flutter for herself.

"You've caused a lot of trouble."

She gave me a confused smile as she took in her surroundings. "What's going on? How did I…"

"You… decided to have a heart attack on the stairs."

"Oh no!" She looked over herself moving her once swollen and battered arm… looking over her leg. "What is all this? Why…?"

"Your knee was shattered and you had a severe concussion. How are you feeling?"

She stopped fighting against the neck brace and relaxed back to the bed. "I feel… fine… What did you do?"

"I healed your injuries by giving you my blood."

"_Oh, Eric…_ I… Thank you, but…"

"I haven't prevented the inevitable… Your heart attack was a minor one… the injuries would have taken you a long time to recover from. All I did was allay the recovery."

"No death cheating?"

I chuckled at her. "No ma'am. We've robbed the orthopedic surgeon of a vacation, but nothing more. You need to be fit to help Sookie with Hunter."

"What'll it do to me? Having your blood?"

"That's variable. Sookie's senses are heightened. The more she has, the stronger and faster she is… It's safe to say that you'll have a bit of a _spring in your step_ for a while."

"And you'll be able to sense me, right?"

I nodded and let her work through her thoughts… concern, frustration (though, not focused on me), appreciation… she was uncomfortable until I helped her to remove the neck brace…

Finally… "Well…"

I waited, but she seemed to get caught on an idea. "Yes?"

"How do I get out of this bed? We have errands to run."


	34. Chapter 34

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 34**

**Fuss**

I laughed at her, taking her hand and watching as a bruise faded to nothing. "Adele, you need to settle down… It'll take a while yet for my blood to heal you completely. In the meantime, Pam is glamouring your nurses and doctors to lose your ex-rays and…"

"Pam's here?"

"Pam, Bubba… Alcide, Jason and Sookie… _You know_, the Shreveport chapter of your fan club."

She beamed for a moment before she became curious. "Wait… What time is it? The last thing I remember is…"

"You've worried everyone all day long."

"Oh Lordie! You need to go let 'em know I'm alright! Sookie can't be in hospitals… You should've seen her when Linda was… You need to git… Go on!"

She swatted my knee and started shooing so I kissed her forehead and did as ordered in spite of laughing at her…

A heart attack at breakfast, but a spitfire again by dinner.

Sookie practically tackled me again when she spotted me returning to the waiting area.

"What took so long? Is it bad news?"

When I decided to give Adele my blood, my only concern was that Sookie wouldn't take the news well… I knew that Adele would see the sense in it as long as it didn't fuck with the natural course of things as far as she was concerned. Had the heart attack been more severe, she wouldn't have wanted for me to 'fiddle' with things… I knew Adele would be pragmatic about my excuse to not see her suffer…

It was Sookie's reaction I was worried about.

Not that Sookie would have wanted to stand by and watch Adele's slow recovery, just that she might over react out of exhaustion… or another reason that hadn't occurred to me…

Then again, I might have just been a little shell shocked since we'd argued so recently.

"Eric? You're scaring me…"

That much, I could tell. "Sookie, she's fine."

She exhaled such a deep breath that it warmed most of my chest. "The concussion hasn't caused any more damage?"

"It hasn't caused _any_ damage."

She put her chin on my chest to look up at me. "The doctor said… well, _thought_ that she'd be punch drunk for a while… Is she conscious?"

"She wants to go run her errands."

Sookie snickered and started crying again. "_She would…_ So, is she fussing about getting her knee replacement as a rush job so that she can get to Walmart before the bakery closes?"

"Sookie… She doesn't need a new knee. Her old one is fine." When I left Adele, the black and purple covering most of her leg had faded to yellow…

I waited, feeling her out as she focused on my eyes, moving her hands away from my back to rest on my arms. "What are you saying, Eric? How is Gran fine?"

I leaned to her ear. "I gave her my blood."

She robbed me of any clues… I felt nothing from her. She simply stared at me in a daze for a few seconds…

Of all of the scenarios that I had envisioned as Sookie's reaction, she managed to surprise me… by crumpling into a heap at my feet. I'd been so preoccupied with looking for hints of her reaction that… I didn't anticipate any part of her collapse.

I crouched down, realizing that she _really was_ unconscious. Out cold.

It took a moment under the watchful eyes of Jason, Alcide, Bubba and a passing nurse who'd been considerate enough to offer her help instead of just gaping like her co-workers, but when Sookie's eyes opened again, she wasted no time climbing me…

Surprisingly, she perched herself on my knee, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her face. And I was still getting nothing from the bond… If it was tangible, I'd have kicked the fucking thing for all the help it was being.

"Sookie, are you alright?"

"I will be now… Thank you."

"You haven't heard what I want as payment." A smile, a laugh…

She hummed. Close enough… "Anything."

"I was worried that you wouldn't take it well."

"She wouldn't have made it…"

"Her heart is healthy enough. She'd have recovered…"

She shook her head, leaving it in the crook of my neck. "No… the knee surgery… being laid up… The doctors didn't say it, but…" I was sure that there was plenty I didn't know about, but blood clots weren't on the list of items that I'd disregarded over the years… Either one of Adele's subsequent injuries might have barely given her the time to plan her own memorial.

"Shhhh, we don't have to worry about that now though."

She kissed the side of my neck. "Thanks to you…"

"Or Pam… I hadn't told her that I planned on healing Adele and she had every intention of doing it herself." Pam would have turned her if the situation had been more critical.

Her arms tightened around me as she seemed to break… Her emotional state was devastated over the course of her day… Rightfully so. The longer she sobbed and shook in my arms, the more sympathy I had for what she'd gone through.

"Sookie, it's over now… She's already ordering me around and complaining about not having a book with her."

She laughed weakly.

"I'm worried about you though."

"I'll be… Eric, do you mind if I hide? One of the families in the waiting room…" She didn't need to ask. I was suffering from the onslaught and it was no longer an altruistic desire for her to numb herself… I was beginning to need the relief as much as she did.

"Do what you need to do… I'll take care of explaining to Jason."

As I stood up with her, she whispered 'I love you' and then she was all but gone again…

I motioned for Alcide, Bubba and Jason to join us in the corridor.

Jason seemingly braced himself, folding his arms across his chest. "How'd the tests go?"

"I'm not sure. She'll be given a referral to see her regular doctor for angina and released shortly."

"Released!? Is this about her insurance?" The squirrels must've been as exhausted as the rest of him.

Hard as it was to do without jostling Sookie, I had to grab his wrist to keep him from giving an innocent nurse a piece of his mind that he might not be able to spare… I spoke directly into his ear, "It isn't her insurance. Pam is glamouring the staff as we speak so that no one remembers how she was when admitted because it would raise too many questions as to why she's fine now."

He took a step back, closed his eyes to shake his head and then widened them again… _"Fine?"_

"She's eager to be released."

"Released? But she's… Why would they cut her lose?" I had to remind myself that he still knew little about vampires.

"Jason, you understand that vampire blood healed your sister…"

I waited for him to give some sign that he understood, but Bubba was too pleased (maybe because he finally managed to win an intellectual footrace)… He leaned over and whispered to him, "Mr. Eric fixed Miss Adele right up… Bet she's fit enough to mow the lawn already as old as he is." _Yay for Bubba_. At least he whispered it.

Jason jerked to give Bubba a shocked look… then me… then Bubba again… It went on long enough that I almost laughed at him (especially since Alcide already was).

"No surgery or medication or… she's gonna be fine… like it never happened?"

We all nodded.

"Then what's up with Sook?"

"She's just been through too much today. What time did it happen? How did they get here?"

Jason was still working with a technical delay, so Alcide explained. "I couldn't get much out of her, but she managed to get Mrs. Stackhouse into her car. She called me because she didn't know how to get here. It was about 9 when she called. I met her here since I was on site a couple miles away… Jason wasn't far behind. How is Pam going to manage… Is everyone just going to forget Mrs. Stackhouse was here?"

"Unfortunately, that's the downside to computerization… memories will just be altered. The heart attack will be changed to angina and the injuries to bruises."

"They aren't just bruises on medical records though. Contusions and whatnot…"

I nodded. "Pam will handle it."

He was about to let it go, but he caught on... "Med school or a crush?" I decided to ask another time if he'd come to the conclusion that Pam was 'quirky' on his own or if he'd become a student of gossip, but it was still amusing that he'd ask…

"Julianna Margulies…"

He started laughing. "She's got taste..."

"Dr. Hotlips... you know, MASH…"

Jason offered an 'Amen'.

"Katherine Heigl…."

All three of them were nodding.

"Judy Reyes and Donald Faison from Scrubs…"

Alcide snorted out a chuckle. "Both of them?"

"As far as I know, that's her _plan_… and most recently Edie Falco… Not as Carmella Soprano, mind you… Only as Nurse Jackie. I think it's the scrubs."

Alcide, Jason and Bubba were adding to the list of 'do-able' nurses/doctors while we settled into the waiting room again… Moving from the hallway had been Alcide's suggestion. He knew well enough that hospital staff tends to get anxious about vampires as though we were angels of death. Not that the stark florescent lighting didn't make everyone look like a vampire, but I needed to either 'sit down or start acting like Sookie weighs _something'_ because my 'telepath necklace' would eventually start attracting attention…

With Sookie being safely nuzzled into my neck I centered on Pam, finding that she was not only 'right as rain', but most likely flirting with a nurse…

_Predictable_.

When Jason's phone started ringing, he looked as though he'd been punched. "Shit… I left a message for Hadley, but how do I tell her Gran'll be ok?" How the hell did he explain that she's had a heart attack in the first place?

I took the phone to 'save' him…

"Hadley?"

"Oh my God! I just got Jason's message!"

"Adele is…"

"What's wrong? If you're answering…"

"Hadley, I'm trying…"

"Oh my God! I just got her back and…!" Pam was never _that_ bad…

"Hadley! Put your maker on the phone." Jason snickered to Alcide that Hunter wouldn't make me use 'that voice' more than once.

There was only a moment… Even if Sophie-Ann hadn't been nearby when Hadley had gotten the message, she wouldn't have been able to ignore her child's panic for long. "Sheriff."

"Majesty. We are only waiting for Adele's release. She's in perfect health."

"Jason's message?"

"I'm sure it was accurate, but circumstances have changed."

"Medical advancements?"

"Folk remedy."

She began chuckling lightly. "You certainly take the responsibility of their safety seriously."

"Of course."

"Should we postpone our plans for later in the week?"

"I don't see why we would."

She was quiet for a moment. Understanding her ability now, every damned moment of silence from her was going to make me wonder if she was silently communicating with one of her children. "Very well… Considering Hadley's mood, thanks are in order. We were expecting more grave news."

"That was the general consensus."

She chuckled again. "Give them time. It won't take long for your family to learn what I've known of you for a while. Disappointment will become stranger to them too. We'll see you soon."

She hung up leaving me with not only her compliment, but her 'family' suggestion to think about…

I'd been trying to ignore the conceptual black hole… distracting myself with problems or ideas that were solved too quickly when Jason caught my attention…

He nudged Alcide with his elbow and barely muttered, "_Shiiiiit_… that ain't good."

I turned to see a doctor approaching from further down the hall and couldn't come up with a reason why he'd be apprehensive… And it didn't look like Alcide was anymore clued in.

The doctor was giving nothing away. Her stride and facial expression didn't even hint that she was coming into the waiting room until she was reaching for the handle on the door…

The family huddled in the far corner of the room was anxiously on their feet and I watched it all play out with interest…

Somehow 'ain't good' had been an understatement…

Before the doctor uttered her first word, Sookie's arms tightened around my neck…

The child that had been mowed down crossing the street on her way to school hadn't done well in surgery…

The term 'brain death' sent the mother flying into hysterics and my companions alternated their attention between Sookie's muffled sobs and the grieving mother's pained wailing… Unfortunately, Sookie could only 'hide' from so much it seemed and her breathing was labored to the point of lightheadedness when the family was finally led away to 'say goodbye'… Leaving Aldele's 'family' alone in the waiting room since the other family had since gone home.

A hospital was not the place for a telepath. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

Once Sookie settled down, curling herself into a tight ball on my lap, I was able to spend some time thinking about Jason… Finally.

That 'lazy' simpleton…

He'd spotted and 'guessed' about the drainer in my club…

He'd somehow known to segregate the Fellowship applicants, not to mention the rest of his 'genius' behavior that night…

His well guarded message about the 'Disco Triplets' success…

His quick acceptance of vampire cultural differences… And he was already more friendly with Pam and me than I could've anticipated. 'Comfortable' would be fitting…

He seemingly never approved of Bill Compton spending any amount of time with his sister, but 'defended' me to old friends…

I'd be curious to compare notes with Sophie-Ann… It might be the case for Hadley, but 'allure' wasn't the whole story for Jason…

Sophie-Ann was relatively predictable herself… she had turned several, but she had a very practical and justified reason for every fucking one of them.

Hadley wouldn't have been any different.

Her blood, if it was half as exotic as Sookie's might have been why Hadley was a favorite pet, but once she became vampire, it wouldn't have remained the same.

There had to have been something about Hadley…

The 5 of us waited for another hour before Pam joined us just long enough to fetch Jason… Sookie had finally calmed so much that risking her reaction to whatever ailments and tragedies were waiting further into the unit weren't on my to-do list… She was content… And I intended to leave her that way.

It was nearly midnight when Adele was finally released. She held onto the shopping list she'd made while she was waiting for all of the 'fuss' and put up a fight over being 'wheeled out like an invalid'…

Yes… Adele was indeed 'fine'.

Bubba's offer to help her into the back of the Escalade was rejected. She proudly slid into her seat without the struggle she usually had and waited almost impatiently for me to put Sookie on the seat next to her.

It took Sookie longer than it had before, but she took notice of the fact that we were outside first and began to panic…

"No! Eric… I don't want to… I won't leave her…"

Adele started to chuckle behind Sookie. "Do you give him a hard time about _everything_?" For the most part…

Sookie spun around in her seat to see how perfectly healthy Adele was… and promptly began to sob… again…

This time was different… happiness and relief. The type of tears that I couldn't bring myself to mind…

Sookie hugged Adele until the woman had to remind her of her need for air…

Alcide took his leave, planning to be at the house first thing in the morning to keep Adele from getting ahead of herself… Pam, Jason and Bubba decided to return to the house to 'take care of things' since Adele was insistent on running her errands.

Sookie stayed within arm's reach of Adele every step of the way through another Wal-Mart visit even though the woman was moving more easily than she had in years…

The stubborn woman insisted on helping to unload the groceries once we returned to the house too. I might have argued against it as Sookie had if I didn't know that she really was feeling fine. As it was, Pam, Jason and Bubba made short work of putting everything away… They'd already tended to the remnants of breakfast, the washer and dryer were both running and the smell of cleaning supplies filled the air. The three of them had made an excellent advance-team.

While Pam and Sookie followed Adele, Jason watched them go into the laundry room…

"What the fuck did your blood do to her?"

"I've never given my blood to anyone as elderly as Adele. This will be a learning experience for all of us."

"What would it normally do then?"

"Heightened senses and strength. Your sister can move quickly enough to make you dizzy. I can tell you that Adele tends to get worn out after an outing, but at the moment she has energy to burn. She isn't experiencing any aches or fatigue. I'll need to talk to her about calming down a tad. Just because she feels fine doesn't mean that she can't give herself another heart attack."

"You said Sookie can move fast… and she got Gran to her car… She's had your blood?"

I nodded… Now that we were alone there wasn't any point in avoiding it. "She has, yes."

"That what you were talking about? That bond thing?"

"Yes."

"You said that you could feel her the other night… when she freaked out about the drainer at your bar."

"That's part of it… but so you know, that comes with blood sharing. Now that Adele has had my blood I can sense her emotions and location as well. The effect will wear away for her, but with Sookie, it's permanent and Sookie can sense me… It's one sided with your grandmother."

He stared at me for a minute, considering which question to ask next. "That's how you knew Pam and Sook got attacked though, right?"

"It is."

"So… uh… when you woke up tonight, you like… got hit like a ton of bricks feeling all of Sook's worrying… then Pam freaked out because she felt yours."

"Yes."

"Sounds like a pain in the ass."

"I'll manage."

"So… if something else happens to Gran, you'll know right away as long as you're awake, right?"

I nodded. "Right now all three of them are annoyed… Pam and Sookie want to dote and Adele won't let them… She wants to take advantage of her second wind."

"But… if Gran has another one…" All of the explaining… _That_ was Jason's preoccupation… not that I'd been sharing blood with his sister, not that his grandmother was 'high' from my blood… Jason only cared that I'd be a walking heart monitor. The poor boy was more traumatized than he'd been letting on…

"_I'll know_. I'll know when she's tiring out. I'll know when she's hungry. I'll know when…"

I stopped short when Adele shouted, "I'll be damned!" She charged into the kitchen holding one of my shirts by the collar… "I can read the care label!"

I grinned at her. "Have you gotten bored with my library already?"

"Lord no! But I _**can**_ cancel my appointment with the eye doctor! I _**was**_ needing a new prescription!"

"You can cancel that one _for now_. And I was serious about settling down. If your heart were damaged, my blood would've healed it, but you have a blockage. You'll still be seeing a cardiologist so that you don't scare everyone again. Sookie will be making that appointment in the morning." I pulled my phone out and texted to have Bobby find the best cardiologist in the area while the idea was still fresh… I still had Sookie to worry about later.

"You bet, but I'm… I feel better than… better than I can remember. Decades… I'm not even stiff."

"I know."

She laughed. "_I guess you do_… It's a good thing 'it' worked so well… I'd hate for you to walk around feeling like an old woman!"

Jason decided to stay… Pam tried to, but ended up taking Bubba back to her house so that they could be over early… Their guise for looming was helping prepare for Hunter's arrival…

While the house had been empty, the front stoop had been littered with packages of Hunter's clothing and needs… Pam was too pleased to announce that the pile was only a fraction of what they'd ordered.

Adele was not amused over more 'fuss' in her behalf, but didn't say anything to be contrary once I reminded her that she'd made bread pudding for a convalescing vampire.

If I had let her, Sookie may very well have climbed into bed with Adele.

She actually whimpered when I took her hand in spite of the reminder that Jason would be in the room next to Adele's.

She stood in our room while the water filled the tub, pouting and standing stonewall, leaving me to undress her… lead her into the tub… She stared at the water flowing from the faucet as though it was annoying her.

"Sookie, I'm going to need you to help me."

"With what?"

"Helping you to relax. I hate seeing you like this."

"She could've died and it would've been my fault! I… I let her fall… She was hurt because I was worried about burning the eggs."

"No. She fell because she's been eating 'country fried' food since she broke her first tooth. _She's 82 years old, Sookie_. You're ignoring how impressive it is that she's in such good health."

"But… If…"

"Fine. Since reason won't work… Since you're content to play the 'if game'…_** If**_ you had been in Bon Temps… You might have been at work… You could have come home from an 8 hour shift to find her at the bottom of the stairs."

"But I had my shields up… I _**was**_ here. I was less than 100 feet away from her and… I didn't think anything of _**how**_ she called me… I…"

"Stop." Her guilt wasn't doing either of us any good.

"But… Eric…"

"No. Sookie, you did everything you could. You even thought to call Alcide…"

"I was shaking too bad… the GPS in the car… I couldn't hit any of the right buttons…"

"I'm sure."

"I was worried about moving her… I was worried about calling 9-1-1 to the house…"

"You did well though…"

"I was so scared… I kept thinking about you… 'What would Eric do'?"

I started taking my clothes off now that she was talking and slid into the tub behind her. "Isn't it 'what would _Jesus_ do'?"

She snorted. "Walking on water wouldn't have helped… I was too busy fighting with you in my head anyway."

"What did we fight about?"

She took my arms away from the sides of the tub and wrapped them around her. She huffed, "You were an asshole. You wouldn't fight with me… I was jealous that you can stay so calm…"

"I wasn't 'calm' though… I had you and Adele to worry about."

"You were doing better than me."

"I just have a lot of practice at seeming unaffected. You might feel better if you had seen me while I was waiting for the sun to set."

"I didn't see anything broken."

"You haven't seen the pile of rags by our closet."

She almost managed to giggle. "Do you think Paulette could manage some kind of ward that keeps bad shit from happening during the day?"

"That would be nice, but I doubt it."

"I don't want to lose her, Eric… I can't stand the thought of it."

"I know."

"She's been everything to me for so long… and now she…"

"She's an amazing woman. You'll miss her for the rest of your life once she's gone, but you still have her. You can't treat her as though she's on her death bed for the rest of the time she has left. It's not fair to her."

"I know you're right… Today kinda forced things down my throat."

"We'll all miss her. You won't be alone in that."

"You could turn her."

"I could, but I won't. She doesn't want it. She isn't afraid of dying and as selfish as I am, I respect her too much to go against her wishes."

"I hate it."

"Mortality?"

"That assholes like Bill get to live forever… but I'll have to bury my Gran." Bill wasn't going to live forever… he wasn't smart enough… and if kept on the path he'd set for himself, he probably wouldn't be getting another month.

"There's a saying… 'Heaven doesn't want us, Hell's afraid we'll take over.' Pam's fond of saying it when the tourists ask her why vampires exist."

She managed a true giggle this time. "In Pam's case, they're afraid she'll change the dress code." Hearing her make a joke improved my mood on a number of levels.

"I wonder if Sacks 5th Avenue ships to Hell… I'm sure the shoes would be the first to go."

"What about Heaven?"

"If Pam's right, Versace is already taking care of that franchise."

She giggled again. She was still fighting to hold on to the fear she'd saddled herself with… but I was endlessly grateful that she was finally becoming herself again, even if it was slowly. "So what are we doing tomorrow?"

"Monday is getting a do-over."


	35. Chapter 35

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 35**

**I Wanna Live Again**

Before my eyes opened, I could smell sunlight as strongly as if I were in it myself and I couldn't resist the smile that took over my face.

But something was off…

Nothing tangible. It was more of a nagging.

When I opened my eyes, I found Sookie to be mysteriously missing from the room… There was no sign of her in spite of the fragrance of her favorite tanning oil hanging in the air, surrounding me.

No. Nothing but the scent that she bathes herself in for my enjoyment.

It was almost as though she left it just for me, but more curious was that the house was empty…

Hoping that Alcide had simply taken them out for dinner, but still worried that Adele might have had some sort of relapse, I felt for Sookie's mood…

And hated what I found…

More nothing.

Nothing from Sookie.

Nothing from Adele.

Nothing but the overwhelming urge to get to Bon Temps as quickly as I possibly could.

I'd be lying my ass off if I denied that I was terrified of what it meant that I couldn't feel either of them.

My phone's battery was practically drained from not being charged, but at least there were no messages to be checked. I plugged it into the charger so that I could call Sookie, but when I tried to speed dial her, the screen told me that I was calling Fangtasia…

Not the time for technical malfunction…

My address book was no more help. The entries for every Stackhouse, as well as Alcide's number were gone and the only thing I could figure was that I'd caused the problem myself by breaking my old phone.

Knowing better than to ignore the nagging pull I felt to Bon Temps, I went to my closet to dress… Only to find my clothing.

Not Sookie's.

My clothes were the only thing hanging up. My shoes were the only thing lined up in the bottom.

I actually closed my eyes and opened them again hoping that I was only imagining how empty the rack seemed… only to be devastated to see that everything was indeed gone.

I became frantic… For the second evening in a row. Last night I'd risen to feel the agony and riot of fear from Sookie's ordeal and it was having no different effect on me than the nothing that had taken over every fiber of me…

Looking around the room, I began to notice _**how**_ gone Sookie was.

The lamp she'd needed…

Gone.

The drawers that had held her underthings and bathing suits had been emptied and my things were in their place.

In the bathroom only _my_ soaps...

My search took me to the kitchen to find the refrigerator, the pantry, the cabinets… All of them were empty and cleaned so well that one would think they'd always been vacant.

The den...

Everything was in perfect order even though Jason had stayed over and has a tendency to disturb the sofa cushions.

The bedrooms upstairs… Seemingly untouched, unoccupied, uninhabited… _**ever**_.

My last stop was the library…

My chest felt more completely hallow than ever before when there was no more evidence of Sookie or Adele there than anywhere else in the house. I found myself hovering over the chair Adele had made a home of, trying to pick up the slightest of traces… hoping for cinnamon and sugar… she usually wafted the aroma of baked goods as though she perfumed herself with them. Pam had jokingly accused her of keeping apple pie in her pockets…

But even in her favorite seat in the house, there were no hints.

And the longer I searched, the harder it was for me to detect the sunshine I'd risen to… like it was just a cruel memory.

The only thing left as proof of her existence was that I was still wearing the ring she'd given me.

It was as though someone had erased them from my life… _Someone good_… I wasn't sure that I could've done such a thorough job myself.

As I sped out of the city and into the countryside I ran through the myriad of possibilities…

The first and only real threat to Sookie would be Bill Compton, but that ridiculous pussy wouldn't have been able to manage such an absolute deletion even if he had been released from Andre's musings.

Unfortunately, that was the only line item that I could spend any time contemplating… none of the others held any water.

Debbie Pelt, while pissed and jealous, couldn't have arranged any such proceedings. Not without leaving the stink of Were behind and considering her made me realize that I hadn't even picked up on Alcide's scent.

The only witches Sookie knew were Paulette (who wouldn't dare cross me) and her waitress friend Holly who was only practicing and didn't have the power to pull off a stunt big enough to erase three humans' traces from every room of my house…

Sookie had come in contact with and gotten the pleased attentions of hundreds of vampires since I'd met her, but again, they wouldn't cross me even if they had the magical support that still would've left a scent behind…

I was probably closer to insanity then than any other time in my long existence.

But without the insanity, all I had was the nothing…

Madness was all I had since Sookie was gone…

I was pulling off of the highway and onto the ramshackle road that led to Bon Temps when one last possibility crossed my unhinged mind.

Fae.

Sookie is part Faerie.

Just as Hadley and Jason…

They'd managed to live undetected for so long… until of course I entered Sookie's life and they became the property of a vampire publically.

The haunting thought that Sookie had done everything herself, left me for some brutal and secretive reason suddenly became preferable to losing her to the Fae…

If she left me, I might've had the chance to get her back.

I jumped when my phone rang and didn't bother myself with looking at the Caller ID.

"Where are you?"

"I'm still at home… Is something wrong?" Fuck. It was just Pam.

"Have you heard from Sookie tonight?"

"No. Why would I have heard from her?"

"I don't know and I don't have time to explain. Just let me know if you hear from her."

"Seriously, Eric. You're too bored. You should take up knitting or something… You had fun candle making that once. This thing you have for the little telepath isn't healthy." I wasn't in the mood for her self satisfying amusement.

"Pamela, just contact me if she turns up."

"Call me silly, but have you tried her at home?"

"If she was at home, I wouldn't exactly be so concerned. Would I?"

"Just asking. I'll call if I see her."

I hung up on her. I was sure that I'd need her help at some point, but at the moment the sound of her voice was making me want to buy that plane ticket to Seychelles for her.

I almost didn't stop, but as I drove past the dump where Sookie used to work I spotted her car and hit the brakes…

Why the fuck would she be there?

Why the fuck would she be there and driving her little old death trap?

No one seemed to take any notice when I walked into the disgusting grease pit until Arlene offered a menu to me and pointed to an empty booth while she apologized for being 'swamped'.

Oddly, she didn't seem to recognize me.

I sat in the booth facing the bar after double checking for Sookie…

I couldn't feel her nearby.

I couldn't feel her further away.

I was only there because her car was in the parking area near the service entrance…

If nothing else, Sam might be able to offer some sort of insight… _whether he wanted to or not._

It seemed like forever before Arlene made her way over to take my order… with a serious look on her face no less.

"Sorry about the wait mister, we're a waitress short right now. What can I get for you?"

"I'm here to see Sookie actually."

She cocked her head to the side looked unhappy. "_Oh mister_, I'm sorry. I guess you haven't heard… She's the waitress we're down."

"I had heard that Sam replaced her."

"Why would Sam replace Sookie? He'd drop everything for her."

"Why is her car out back then?"

"_That old thing?_ It wouldn't start the other night."

"And why wouldn't she be working?"

She seemed as though she was debating whether to answer me for a moment. "Well, she was… She's kind of not up to working since the attack."

"Attack?"

"Yeah… Poor girl… Like losing her Gran wasn't enough…" _**NO!**_

I was on my feet in front of her quickly enough that she yelped. "Where is Sookie?"

"I… She…"

The only thing to be pleased about at the moment was that her eyes were affixed on mine making it far easier to glamour her. "You're going to tell me where to find Sookie."

She nodded. "If she ain't at her house, you should check with that vampire of hers."

That vampire of hers?

What the fuck was wrong with that wench?

**I'm** '_that vampire'_ of Sookie's.

She fucking knew that. She'd met me.

IDIOT!

All I could think about on the way to the Stackhouse home was that somehow, something horrible had happened while I was dead…

Adele was gone…

What fucking attack?

I couldn't think of a reason why Alcide or Jason wouldn't have contacted me earlier…

Why would they have brought her back to Bon Temps?

Why wouldn't they have… Fuck… They had to have been hurt too…

Fuckfuckfuck

When I finally arrived at the farmhouse, I actually tried to get out of the car without taking it out of gear first.

I should've just flown, but in my state of mind I might have overshot the house and lost more time than I did dealing with the winding roads.

Paying no attention to anything but my goal of finding Sookie, I flung open the front the door and when I bounced off of the threshold to the house, I quite literally wanted to die- _finally_…

I'd been uninvited.

I was lifting myself off of the lawn when I finally heard her…

"Who's there?"

"Sookie?"

"Yeah, who is it?"

I started making my way back to the door. "It's me. Eric."

"Eric? Eric… _Eric Northman_?"

"How many Eric's do you know?"

She finally came into sight, holding a shotgun and wearing a nightgown I'd never seen… and battered so extensively that she was hardly familiar. "What are you doing here?"

Without a second thought, I bit into my wrist and held it out to her… "Drink. Heal. Then explain what's happened." But she recoiled as though I was poison. My chest felt as though it was caving in.

She shook her head and stepped even further away from me. "Ew. I don't think so."

"Why not? You can't be comfortable…"

She shook her head again. "Seriously Eric, what are you doing here?"

"I came for you…"

"You tried to break into my house."

"I tried to get to you. I was told that you're hurt."

"Why would you care? _Is someone else stealing from you?_"

"What? No… I… Sookie, what the fuck is going on?"

"You're the one that's standing on my porch. Why don't you start?" Insanity was a cruel bastard. It was becoming too much…

"Start? I'm pretty sure you know how my night has gone so far. I rose to find you and Adele gone and all I had to go on was an unexplainable urge to come here… Why would you think I wouldn't come after you?"

She scoffed. "I guess I'm not surprised… Bill told me this would happen. I didn't want to believe him since I agreed to work for you…"

"Bill?"

"Yes. Bill."

"He's here? In Louisiana?" _That stupid mother fucker._

"Uh… Yeah… why don't you go over and bother him."

"I'm _bothering_ you?"

"Yes."

"You aren't going to try explaining why you left me? Why you'd walk away without a word?"

She rolled her eyes. "Eric, the last time I saw you, we were both covered in Long Shadow's blood and you were close to draining me! What is there to say about that?"

"I killed Long Shadow nearly two weeks ago!"

"And?" I was so confused that I couldn't even begin to formulate a list of questions…

"Tell me one thing."

"_What, Eric?_" She acted as though she was amusing a child.

"Why are you talking to me like you don't know me? What the hell is going on?"

"I **don't** know you! You need to leave… I know you don't care, but you're scaring me… Leave me be." She slammed the door in my face and I couldn't move.

I watched her shadow move around the house slowly… She was limping from her mysterious injuries though I couldn't feel them…

I'd made fun of her just that morning as we'd gotten into bed because she kicked the wheel of my desk chair hard enough that I'd felt it.

I couldn't feel her at all… no bigger than the house was, she wasn't more than 40 feet away from me and I felt nothing from her. Still.

I was actually confused by how _not_ angry I was about the way Sookie was acting… She didn't seem to have any more grip on reality than I did…

No matter what, one of us was very wrong about circumstances… My life seemed to have been undone in the matter of one day…

Everything I knew as true, any version of my existence with Sookie at my side had been edited…

She knew who I was, but not what she meant to me.

She mentioned Bill as though he was her sage instead of the punchline to so many jokes we'd shared.

She suggested that I wouldn't care that I scared her.

None of the repairs had been done to the house… looking out on the yard, the driveway hadn't even been fixed…

And our bond was gone.

Nonexistent.

The 'why' wasn't as intensely consuming as the 'how to fix it'…

_I needed to fix it._

I needed her back.

I was sitting on the porch swing… distracted from my attempt to make heads or tails of the night by a thought of Adele… The swing _was_ unbelievably hard and I could easily see swarms of mosquitoes and gnats in the little bit of light coming from the lamp by the front door.

She _**would have**_ enjoyed the screened in porch…

I knew he was nearby, even though he thought he was sneaking up on me… Bill Compton, comical in so many ways… even if the amusement he caused was closely related to the laughter caused by groin injury montages…

"Why are you here?"

"That wouldn't be any of your fucking business and you need to give me a wide berth or I'll enjoy ending you."

"Excuse me? You have no rights here… Sookie is m…" Finishing _that_ sentence would be the last thing he ever did.

"Shut the fuck up right now and go home. I'm no danger to Sookie, not that you rate an explanation you fucking degenerate. I'm your superior… I best you in every fucking facet of being from my position to my strength… and obviously intellectual aptitude since I would listen to a ranking vampire's warning to go away. Leave."

"I have the right to protect Sookie."

"_You have the right_ to kiss my ass, Bill."

"What do you even want with her? She's obviously not well enough to read minds for you."

"Telepathy is your reason to be interested in her, not mine."

Something about my remark surprised him. "What do you know about…?"

"I know that the queen regrets sending you to spy on Sookie…"

Our attention was caught by the front door swinging open and Sookie charged out to the porch to loom over me with her hands on her hips. "Explain that! What do you mean? What queen?"

I caught myself staring at her… She had no idea what I was talking about… "Invite me in and send him away. I'll explain everything." Hope was all I had.

"Half way. I'll send him home, but I won't invite you in."

I gave her a nod, hating that she didn't trust me. "Fair enough."

She looked confused. "Really?"

"I'll take what I can get."

With Bill gone, she folded her arms over her chest.

"He was sent to spy on me?"

"He was sent to find out how your family feels about vampires because your cousin Hadley's maker is the queen. Since I'm lost as to details of what's going on now, I can't even begin to warn you about his motivations… I can't remember a time that I've been more confused."

"You just told me that my long lost cousin is a vampire princess… What would you be confused about?"

"For starters, the only thing that's 'right' is that I still have my ring."

"Ring?"

"The ring you gave me a week ago."

"I didn't give you any ring."

"Nonetheless, I have the ring… Hence my confusion." I held my hand up to show it to her, hoping to see some recognition in her eyes… no such luck.

"You're saying I gave you a wedding ring? You think that we're married?"

"Not at all... We were in New Orleans and I bought a ring for you that you considered 'flashy' and as a joke you bought the wedding band to retaliate… it was on my finger when I rose and I haven't taken it off since then… This is the first time I've seen you without yours."

"New Orleans? A week ago… I was in high school the last time I went to New Orleans."

"I like my version better."

"You're version of what?"

"The past couple of weeks."

"Ok. I'll play your little game. How have the last couple of weeks been different for you?"

"I'm not sure other than you obviously having no feeling for me… You came to see me at Fangtasia…"

"Right, Bill brought me."

"We talked about Jason's connection to the murders of Dawn and Maudette in my office and…"

"Wait… we talked on that little stage… You made a face at Bill for mainstreaming."

I shook my head. "I would have if I had the chance, but Pam brought you to me in my office because you were asking questions in the open. Bill didn't come with you."

"Huh… did the bar get raided?"

"No…"

"Wait… I guess it wouldn't… If you were in your office then you wouldn't have kicked that fangbanger for touching you. And then that other vampire wouldn't have been snacking on him in the bathroom."

"Are you really comparing notes with me or are you just humoring me in the hopes that I'll leave?"

She closed her eyes as she shook her head. "I don't know… You're… _I don't know_… you think we've been together for two weeks… why would you think that?"

"17 nights. You've lived with me for 16 of them."

She snorted. "I wouldn't have moved in with you the night after I met you."

"You didn't have much choice. The night after we met you heard that Rene was the killer and you and Adele came to stay with me until the police could arrest him."

"So while we were hiding, which isn't something I'd do either…"

"Adele took care of convincing you that safety was more important than your pride. You were less than happy with the idea initially."

"And in your fairy tale, I jumped right into bed with you?"

"No. We didn't start having sex until a few nights later."

"With Gran there!?"

"Not in the room with us."

"Still…"

"Her room is on the second floor and our room is underground… even if she were to stop reading she wouldn't hear us. Our room is soundproof."

"_**Our**_ room?... Wait… You said '_reading'_?"

I nodded.

Her eyes lit up. "How do you know Gran liked to read?"

"The night we met, you brought me back here and introduced me to her. She was very friendly, entertaining, gracious… She questioned me about what I knew of the Civil War and was curious about Russia since that's where I was during the affair… The next day, I had a copy of a Mark Twain book delivered to her… She's been using me for my library ever since."

She frowned at her knees and a few tears fell over her bruised cheeks. "Don't talk about her like she's still around…"

"But she is… When she went to bed last night, she was making a list of chores she wanted to tend to."

"She's alive in your version?"

I nodded again and brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "Would you let me heal you? I really hate seeing you like this."

She scoffed and leaned away from me. "You'd like that wouldn't you? Me owing you."

"That's got nothing to do with it… In my version, we're bonded already… I'm only offering what's already yours."

"Mine?"

"Publically you belong to me… Privately, our relationship is much more than that."

"Nice fairy tale… How long did it take you to come up with that?"

I sat back into the corner of the swing. "Tell me then… what am I like in your version that you think so little of me?"

"You just want me for mind reading."

"How so?"

"The night we met I told you about the cop in the club so that you could get out before the raid… then you called Bill to have him bring me in about Long Shadow… You sent flowers while I was in the hospital."

"So you think I care nothing for you, only your ability, based on two encounters?"

She got up as quickly as her battered frame would let her and went into the house, returning a moment later with a flower arrangement… white roses and peonies surrounding a single red orchid. She shoved the card at me. It had the stamp of the florist I would've used… the only one in Shreveport open late and the signature was definitely mine.

"I'm not denying your version of events… I just want my life back."

"Your life? What about Pam? How does she remember things?"

"I talked to her on my way here… she seemed unaffected by the news that I couldn't locate you. Given that she's fully aware of how closely bonded we are, I seem to be the only one confused."

"All things considered, you should try going back to business as usual then."

"I don't want to. I want you back."

"I was never yours to begin with."

"Sookie…"

"Eric, seriously. You're the only one who thinks that there's anything between us. That should tell you something."

"It doesn't tell me anything. I can't stand the idea of going back to my house without you. I hate not feeling you. The emptiness is maddening. The Eric you know is a lucky bastard to not know what he's missing, but I'm not interested in going to rest at sunrise without resolving this."

"This? Why not just glamour me to believing it all then?"

I smiled at her attempt to trick me. "If only I could."

She narrowed her eyes at me for a moment. "Bill's the only one…"

"I know a lot about you that no one else does, Sookie. I'm not trying to con you."

"Like what? _And don't be a pervert_."

"I know that your least favorite kind of book is mystery because you find yourself wishing to read the minds of characters. You built a fort back in the woods with Jason and Hadley as a child and all three of you injured yourselves because of it in the same summer. Hadley twisted her ankle. You hit Jason in the head with a timber while it was being built and you smashed your thumb with a hammer hanging the curtains you made from one of Linda's old table cloths. You and Adele found Tina under a car at the market. The last time this house was painted was when your father did it shortly before he died. Adele's secret ingredient to her fried chicken is honey. You told me about Bartlett, but it was Adele who told me about what your mother put you through. You prefer a Cherry Coke that's mixed by hand as opposed to factory bottled. You and Jason chew your ice, even though Adele has always tried to get you to stop. . Most of your underthings are lace…"

"Hey… I told you not to be a pervert."

"I wasn't. It was a preference that I thought would be less well known… Anyone might know that your favorite color is blue or that you swear by Coppertone for your tan. You'd be offended if you thought I was telling you things I could've learned through gossip and investigation."

"You could've glamoured Jason to get that information though."

"He didn't know about Bartlett. You're testing me."

She shook her head. "Can you blame me!? Someone I've spent maybe an hour with is sitting next to me claiming that we're living together."

"Bonded."

"What is that?"

"You've had my blood enough that we've formed a blood bond."

"You've given me your blood?"

"We've shared blood… often."

"How convenient… You have a willing donor that just so happens to read minds for you."

"You don't really work for me."

"I work for you now. I already agreed."

"I meant as I know it… It started as a joke, but you offered an exchange of services. Mind reading for backrubs."

"Oh… so that's how you got me into bed."

"Is it necessary for you to be so nasty?"

"I don't know. How _did_ you get me into bed?"

"Sookie, stop."

"No. I want to know. Why the hell would I sleep with you?"

"I was lucky."

"That's cute. You want me to believe this BS and you're refusing to answer me."

"I'm not refusing."

"What the hell would you call _that_ answer then? _Lucky_? Really?"

"What do you want me to say, Sookie? We both know that I was the first man to come along whose attraction to you didn't invade your mind, bringing back memories of what your uncle had done to you. It just so happens that we get along and work together really well… Adele calls us a 'cute couple'."

"No. She Doesn't! My Gran is dead! She was stabbed to death by the serial killer that was waiting for me. A guy I've known for years who I never heard anything hinting that he was the killer until he nearly killed me!"

"You caught him."

"What?"

"I came to Merlotte's and you baited him."

"How did I bait him?"

"We talked to Jason about who he discussed his partners with and found that Hoyt and Rene were who he confided in… The next night he brought them to Merlotte's while I was there and when you kissed me, Rene's thoughts gave him away. We returned to collect Adele and you put things together for the Shreveport police… It took them a few days to get the warrant, but he was jailed before hurting anyone else."

"Nice story, but I don't want to hear bedtime stories. It won't get Gran back. What do you want from me? Why are you here? What do you think… I mean even if you're completely convinced that all of this is true, what purpose does it serve for you to be here? All you're doing is rubbing my nose in how miserable my life has been."

"I'm sorry."

"Are you really?"

"Normally, I'd know that you aren't comfortable. I'm at a loss right now."

"Because we're bonded in your little world."

"Yes and you're being nasty again."

"No one is keeping you here."

"You might not realize it, but you are."

"How's that? I already asked you to leave."

"Peculiar as it may seem, I'd rather sit here while you criticize me than leave without you."

"That's stupid."

"I can't disagree with you… If you don't mind, I'll just sit here and try to figure out what's going on… Why this is happening. Don't let me keep you from anything."

"You're serious? You're just going to sit here?"

"Would you be more at ease if I sat in my car?"

"It's weird either way… hey, what happened to your Corvette?"

"It's in the garage at home… I brought the SUV thinking that I'd be bringing you and Adele home with me."

"Me and Adele!? You really are off the reservation, aren't you! Bill told me that you'd do just about anything to get to me, but that's just low!"

"That's rich, considering the source."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? He saved my life! Why wouldn't I trust him?"

"Need I remind you that I've done that as well… even in your version of events. What I meant was that he's convinced you to be distrustful of me while he's sunk to unimaginable tactics to gain your favor."

"That's just your version though… in mine…"

"From what I can tell, things are identical up until the night that we met… that's when things diverged. Yes?"

"I guess so."

"You saved Bill from being drained?"

"Yes."

"Then a little while later, the drainers came after you?"

"They nearly killed me, but… he gave me his blood to heal me."

"He glamoured the Rattrays to go after you 'in retaliation' with the purpose of giving you his blood… Healing you was a means to an end. Please tell me that in this amount of time he's explained what having a vampire's blood does."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head… The sickened look on her face practically ruined me. "You're about to tell me that there's more to it than just healing properties, aren't you?"

"He can tell where you are, how you're feeling… he can influence your dreams and if he chooses, how attracted you are to him. He gave you his blood as part of his scheme to make you his to gain 'brownie points' with the queen."

She stared at the dry rotted railing of the porch for a long while, quietly crying over the new information before she could think of anything to say. "But… in your version, you've given me your blood."

"In my version I'd already explained that to you and I suggested our first exchange for tactical purposes… You were given the option rather than tricked and we were already sleeping together at the time."

"Brownie points?"

"I don't need them. I'm already her favorite."

"You could be lying."

"I could be… Feel free to come up with a way for me to prove any of it to you though. He covered his tracks by killing the Rattrays and if I'm the only one confused the queen wouldn't know that she's been torturing Bill for his treachery for more than a week now."

Something I'd said annoyed her judging by the look on her face, but she didn't explain what it was… She watched the yard, scanning the scenery as she thought until she stood and went to the door. "Don't make me regret this… I'm inviting you in, Eric."

As Sookie closed the door behind me, she ordered me to close my eyes. "I'm sure you have a good memory… Tell me about the house."

"Regrettably, I've only been in the front rooms. The kitchen and living room."

"Ok. Go on."

"The living room furniture is centered around the fireplace. Adele's favorite chair is wood and tapestry and closest to the fireplace. Next to it is a round pie crust table with a pink glass hurricane lamp on it then an old green upholstered recliner. The coffee table is oval and battered with claw feet. When I was here there was a lace runner in the middle of it with an assortment of library books including a copy of Zoya by Danielle Steel which Adele used as a conversational springboard. While we waited for Jason to arrive she questioned me about czarist Russia… The couch sits on the other side of the grouping. It has a floral slipcover and all of its throw pillows are embroidered. There's no art on the walls. A mirror hangs over the fireplace and family photos are the rest of the decoration… The area rug is floral too. None of it matches because Adele has been shopping at flea markets as needed for years. When you got your retainer from the queen, you were excited to go shopping. You were planning on spoiling Adele with a new mattress and bedding since she's been sleeping on the same one since before you and Jason moved in."

She practically whimpered. "The kitchen?"

"The appliances are old. You made the joke that they might be older than me until you found out how old I am… at the time, only two of the burners on the stove worked. The table had a yellow table cloth with pink stripes… Wooden legs… the chairs are white except for the wood seats. The white linoleum is worn in front of the sink and the stove. You keep the cat food in the cabinet under the microwave, but you have to keep it in a plastic container because otherwise Tina would make a mess chewing through the bag. Her food dish is on the floor by the hot water heater. The yellow and white wallpaper is peeling away around the window over the sink. The white wall phone hangs by the refrigerator and there's a note pad and pencil next to it. The buttons are white and the 7 is worn enough to look like a 1. Can I open my eyes now?"

"Yeah."

When I opened my eyes, Sookie was wiping tears from her face… "What did I say?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. Don't worry about it… If you're telling the truth, that Bill can feel me… prove it. Get him over here."

"Are you suggesting that I hurt you?"

"Yes. Scaring me won't work because I'll expect it. Hit me or something." That wasn't going to happen.

"No."

"How accurate is it? Would he be able to tell what's going on, like where I'm hurt or just a feeling that I might not be ok?"

"As heightened as your senses were when we met, we figured that he gave you a substantial amount of blood. He should be able to feel the kind of pain and where on your body it's coming from."

She tilted her head to the side and gave me a steady look before walking past me and into the kitchen… I followed only to see her go to a drawer and pull out a serving fork. "If you won't do it…"

I didn't give her the chance to finish explaining that she'd hurt herself to lure Bill over. I snatched the fork from her hand and before I had the chance to react, she gasped and snatched it back from me and tossed it towards the sink…

"You crazy jerk! That's silver!" She pulled my hand up to inspect the burn.

I chuckled at her. "Now I know... I don't want you to hurt yourself. It bothers me enough to see you with bruises."

She ran her fingers over my quickly fading injury. "Then what do you suggest? Now that you saved me from a fork, I doubt I could get scared of you on cue."

"Are you in pain from the injuries you already have?"

"Well, yeah… I'm sore all over."

"He'd be able to feel it if you were to improve instantly."

"I'm not taking your blood, Eric. I've had Bill's and some of Long Shadow's. I'll heal fast enough."

"Then think of something else."

"Tickle me."

I only thought about that for a spit second. "Anywhere I touch you would hurt wouldn't it."

She let an exasperated sigh. "Damn it… You're not making this easy!"

I actually chuckled at the irony… I was making something difficult for Sookie for once.

She rolled her eyes. "What else would get him over here? You know about all this blood stuff."

"Did you ask him to come over earlier?"

"No. I thought about it, but I figured I was safe in the house if you weren't invited."

"Not necessarily. I want you to realize that if a vampire wants to get to you badly enough, he could destroy the house around you."

"Really?"

"If it doesn't have walls, it isn't a house. You should ask your friend Holly to ward your property against trouble. I can put her in touch with a friend who can help her with wording."

"Bill didn't say anything… Wait… What about Holly?"

"One of the waitresses you work with. She's a witch… and you're still testing me."

"You're passing… I don't know how the hell you're doing it, but it's working." Why wouldn't I? I wasn't insane…

I grinned at her. "Since his protective nature isn't a venue I'm willing to explore, then perhaps his jealous nature?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? There's a hole in that plan… How do you think you're going to make him jealous without touching me?"

I took a step towards her. "I don't need to touch you to excite you."

She started laughing in spite of the extra step I took. "You think you can turn me on!? I was picturing a King Kong type of scene… vampire style of course… lots of fangs and throwing that 'mine' crap around."

I took the last step towards her that I could without being pressed against her and ran my fangs out. "You _are_ mine… In fact you enjoy reminding other vampires that I'm your master."

"Master? You've got to be kidding! I'm nobody's slave!"

I leaned over to put my mouth next to her ear, still avoiding contact. "Of course you aren't… As a matter of fact… If anything, I'm _your_ slave. I'd do anything for you, to keep you safe and happy. In over a thousand years I've never had a reaction to anyone like the one I've had to you… Just having you near me brings me peace and nearly anything can happen, but as long as I wake up and die with you snuggled into my side, I consider it a 'good night'… You, my sweet little Sookie, have an unexplainable power over me. I'm greedy. I want you. I need you… so much so that your smile and the way you breathe in your sleep fulfils and replenishes me more than blood and the smell of your tears breaks me… I love you, more than my maker, more than my child… Anything you want is yours, Sookie, including me."

Her breathing had begun to shake and her body stiffened while she absorbed what I'd said, and finally she muttered… "Eric, I'm not going to have sex with you."

"Not only have we already had sex, but we've done everything from passionately making love to primitive, obscene fucking in just about every position imaginable. You love being on top and I love the way you pull my hair when I go down on you… And when we exchange blood, it's as though everything about us merges… our desire becomes so intense that we lose ourselves in each other… all that matters is the space between us and no matter how much time we spend tangled together, it's never long enough… but, I think a kiss would finish the job." Considering how wet she suddenly was, I was surprised that Bill hadn't already come through the door.

She shivered slightly and she failed to keep how aroused she was from her voice. "Just a kiss?"

"Just a kiss, but you should uninvite Bill so that he doesn't get himself hurt barging in to 'rescue' you."

"Can I do that without him here?"

"Just as easily as you can void my invitation if you become uncomfortable."

"How do I do it?"

"You tilt your head back so that I can get to your full sexy lips, perhaps even wrap your arms around my sides so that I can feel your warmth pressed against me…"

She cleared her throat weakly. "I meant uninvite Bill."

"Just say that you rescind the invitation, but use his name so that I'm not affected."

"I rescind Bill Compton's invitation?"

"That should do it… Go ahead."

"I rescind Bill Compton's invitation."

"I meant to go ahead and kiss me."

She seemed to need to build up the nerve and I couldn't help but be slightly amused considering that normally she'd have just as much difficulty controlling herself as I would…

Her lips were so close to mine that I could feel their heat when my phone rang. I would've ignored it, but Sookie leaned back to let me answer.

"Your timing is as impeccable as ever, Pam."

"You told me to call. This is me calling. Sookie is here and she's in quite a state." _How the fuck…?_

"What sort of state?"

"She's incensed that she can't find you. She said that you aren't at home. I wasn't aware that she knew your address."

I instantly wore an undefeatable smile, puzzling my present company. "Order a Lynchburg Lemonade for her and tell her I'm on my way."


	36. Chapter 36

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 36**

**An Awful Hole**

It took very little convincing to get Sookie to come with me to Fangtasia…

Her ultimate reason for going was to see her 'lucky self' since _my_ Sookie still had her Gran…

As we pulled up behind Fangtasia, I decided that it was ridiculous for me to be so excited… the ordeal hadn't gone on terribly long. Only looking for her for a couple of hours didn't really give me the excuse to feel such illumination, but it didn't matter since I was going to get her back.

I walked through the back door surprised that Pam wasn't waiting, but more focused on Sookie…

We walked past my office since it was open and empty and the moment I was in the doorway to the floor, my Sookie launched herself from her barstool (not at all shy about using her new speed) and ran to leap into my arms… Nevermind the gawking onlookers or the strange look I'd caught Pam giving me… I enjoyed every second of my Sookie's excited and grateful kiss that went on until she ran out of air… And when she laced her fingers into my hand, I felt her ring between my fingers…

She panted, "I've been going nuts… I thought I was going to have to put your picture on a billboard."

"I was thinking I'd have to place 'lost pet' signs on telephone poles."

She buried her face against my neck and giggled. "I missed you… and that guy sucks."

"I missed you too. What guy?"

She only pulled away enough to point over to 'my' seat on the stage where I was sitting… and staring at us. I suppose it would make sense for there to be another me if there were two Sookies… but that would imply that anything about the evening made sense.

I gave 'myself' a nod towards the office and as we walked back my Sookie was attached to my side like a barnacle.

I watched myself sit behind the desk wordlessly and I closed the door once the other Sookie was in the room with us. They both stared at us in a trance, but neither of us could care at the moment.

"What happened?"

My Sookie shook her head. "I don't know. I woke up and you weren't in bed, but when I saw how late it was I just figured that yesterday had just worn me out. I went upstairs to find everybody and the house was empty. Since I was just in my robe I ran downstairs to get dressed and grab my phone… my clothes were gone. My phone was gone… it was like I'd never been over… I had to get some cash out of the safe because I couldn't find my purse and walk to call a cab because none of our cars were there. I had to wear one of your t-shirts as a dress and then borrow from Ginger's locker. I've spent the last couple of hours trying to figure out what the hell is going on and that guy didn't mind at all when I kissed him, but he was no freaking help. He got here about 20 minutes ago and I've decided that I _really don't like it_ when you're confused. Now you."

"I woke up and you were gone. Everything was gone. All I knew was that I needed to get to Bon Temps… I've spent a while now trying to convince the wrong Sookie that I'm not insane or trying to con her into bed."

Sookie giggled and finally looked behind her only to be startled by injuries. "Oh my God! What happened?"

The other Sookie grimaced. "Rene Lanier came after me."

My Sookie looked up at me, confused. "But we…"

I interrupted, shaking my head. "Not 'here'… Rene wasn't caught until after he killed Adele and nearly killed this Sookie."

"He killed Gran?"

I nodded. "I'm afraid so… She still didn't know about Bill either. He still hadn't told her about the effects of vampire blood."

My Sookie gasped and opened her mouth to say something, but began making a disgusted face… "You're sleeping with _**Bill**_!?" She mocked a gag that made me and the other me laugh.

"You read my mind? My shields…"

My Sookie snorted at her. "Yeah well, I'm bonded to a BAMF vampire. My telepathy is stronger now. My shields too. If you're with Bill why didn't he heal your injuries?"

The other Sookie shrugged.

My Sookie shook her head. "That prick… When we get back, I'm calling Andre and telling him to stake Bill. I can't believe… I guess since he'd already healed her because of the Rattray's attack, he'd already gotten his blood in her and didn't see the point in fixing her up the second time?"

I nodded, planning to agree with her that her assumption was most likely right, but the other me finally broke into the conversation. "You know Andre?"

"Yeah, numb nuts. I tried telling you that. Hadley is my cousin so he's kinda family. He's had Bill and Lorena strung up in his Little Shop of Horrors for a while now…" She looked up at me and huffed. "He's a pain."

"He doesn't have any more idea about what's going on than we do. That Sookie thinks that I'm only interested in her ability."

"Pfffft! Thanks to Bill, no doubt… Oh shit! Eric, we need to call Sophie-Ann! She needs to be warned about Threadgill ASAP… and Waldo… he could get to Hadley."

"The problem would be convincing her since our timeline, our understanding of things is askew."

She whined and stomped her feet. "I wanna go home. I'm worried about Gran… What if time is normal for them… they could be freaking out. Pam would think we're dead."

"I know. We'll have to figure things out."

"Considering why Sophie-Ann sent Bill in the first place, he's a goner for letting Gran get murdered."

The other Sookie broke in, "That wasn't Bill's fault though… Rene was after me and I wasn't home."

My Sookie shook her head. "Because of the way things worked out, Eric protected us. Bill should've known to get you out of harm's way but because he intends to control you and your ability he gave two shits about her safety. We're the same people as far as I can tell. Everything is the same up until the night we came to Fangtasia for the first time. You're sleeping with an asshole… He's capable of a lot of things you don't realize."

"Like what?"

"He glamoured and kidnapped Jason and fed from him. He got far enough into his plan to turn me so that he could control my ability that he actually dug the hole. He lined things up to have me abducted. He's a monster."

"You could be the one that's snowed though. Bill says that Eric takes what he wants and kills anyone in his way."

My Sookie laughed at her. "Yeah… He tried that with me too. Let me ask you something though… Two Sookies… one is with Eric. One is with Bill… which one of us is covered in bruises? Which one of us just buried our Gran? Thinking that you needed Bill to protect you from Eric is the biggest mistake you could've made. You don't have to worry about it for long though. I just hope you aren't too attached to that knob."

"What do you mean?"

"Bill betrayed his queen by turning a family errand into a capitalist venture. He's screwed the pooch big."

"They'll kill him?"

"If he's lucky."

The other Sookie started to get misty eyed while mine seemed to have no sympathy for her.

When there was a knock on the door, my Sookie snickered and opened it to smile at Pam. "_Hey_ Pam."

"Sookies… Uh… Erics… Someone is here to see you."

Sookie giggled at her. "There isn't another you here, is there?"

"You should be so lucky. Bill Compton is here."

The other me groaned (as I would've) for her to bring him back and my Sookie swatted Pam's ass when she turned to leave. "Hey Pam."

"Yes?"

"There's a guy in booth 3 planning to roofie a girl at the bar. You should get on that so you don't miss out on eavesdropping."

Pam showed her sinister smile as she left and purred, "Thank you, Sookie."

Sookie smiled at me. "Nice to see some things are constant."

"That's not the only thing. That Sookie is obstinate too."

Sookie faked a surprised look. "And both of you get handsy when I nibble your lip."

"Oh really? Just how far did you go to convince him that you were his?"

"Not far… You got more on our first date."

"You had sex with me on our first date." The other Sookie's eyes widened at the news that another her would yield to me so quickly even though it hadn't taken much effort for me to catch her interest earlier.

My Sookie smirked at me. "Like I said, you got more…"

Pam's ostentatious return broke up our conversation and no sooner than Bill showed his surprise at who was in the room (in duplicate) Sookie took the stapler from the desk and hurled it at his face… Blood exploded from his mouth while the rest of us laughed at him. It was priceless.

When his surprise had waned, he showed his fangs to my Sookie and true to form she took a step closer to him. "What? Do something."

He glared at her and foolishly took a step in her direction. Without hesitation, she lifted her arm and delivered a backhanded slap that left the imprint of her ring on his cheek. She'd hit him hard enough to move him, but since Pam had grabbed him, he we wasn't going anywhere. "Eric, can I use your phone?"

He gave her a puzzled look and pushed the desk phone over to the edge of the desk. "By all means… I certainly don't want to piss you off."

She giggled on her way to grab the receiver. "You _sure_ don't… I'm not any good at fighting. I just act like a brat… Ask him." When she pointed in my direction I wholeheartedly agreed with a nod so she stuck her tongue out at me while she dialed.

I was puzzled for a moment as to who she'd be calling until I heard an all too familiar voice answer. "Hello. Who's this?" She'd called Hadley.

"Hadley, it's Sookie."

"Sook? Really? How'd you get this number?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I'm going to call you again real soon because I'm dying to catch up with you, but right now, I need to talk to Sophie-Ann."

"How did you…?"

"It's really important. Please."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… hold on."

The up-to-something sparkle in Sookie's eye was enthralling, even as she leaned against the desk and sent a silent 'fuck you' in Bill's direction.

"Hello."

"Majesty, it's Sookie Stackhouse."

"Hadley informed me of that. What can I do for you?"

"I think I can do more for you than you can do for me. I'd like for you to call Bill Compton off and leave me in the protection of my sheriff."

"I understood that you are Compton's willingly."

"I was Compton's by deceit. He had me attacked so that he could stage my recue and force me to take his blood… I have faith that my sheriff is more than capable of seeing to my safety and he's more than fit to negotiate my terms for working for you. I want Bill Compton removed from Louisiana and banned from contacting me and what little bit of family I have left as part of my contract. His scheming allowed my grandmother to be murdered and I was nearly beaten to death in the process." When the other Sookie opened her mouth to argue, Sookie snapped her fingers at Pam who quickly found her way over to gently hush her. Impressive considering that Pam hadn't already become friends with Sookie.

"Why would I want you to work for me?"

"Because I can read minds. Because I can identify different supes by their brain signature. Because I have information that can save your life. I heard the thoughts of a patron at Fangtasia tonight. He's a spy of Threadgill's. You need to reconsider the marriage."

"I'm sure you realize I need to know the specifics of that… Why is it that your sheriff didn't just end him?"

She giggled. "You know Eric… dirtbag or not, Bill was here on your orders. Eric wouldn't cross you." I smiled because she was too easy to be proud of… The other me smiled out of pure shock.

"Do you mind if I ask how you knew to contact your cousin?"

"I mentioned when Gran died that all I had left was Jason… since I didn't know what ever happened to Hadley… Eric made the connection as soon as Bill blamed his behavior on you." Bill's mouth dropped open and since he seemed to be about to say something, I saved Sookie the trouble and punched him myself.

"Northman, I assume you're listening." I cued the other me by pointing to him.

"Yes, Majesty?"

"Hold him until I can send flowers. I'll call tomorrow night about your travel arrangements." I chuckled at the look on Bill's face when he became aware of his fate… Diantha and Gladiola weren't going to be delivering anything he'd enjoy.

"Yes, Majesty. Thank you."

"Done…" My Sookie gave an evil little giggle as she came over to wrap her arms around my side. "How was that?"

"_Spectacular_. We should bring everyone up to speed so that they know how to handle their trip to New Orleans and we still need to figure out how to get back to our life."

"Hmmmmm. How about I take me out to the bar and grab a couple of drinks. She's going to need one with the explanation."

"You're going to try to explain it to her in public?"

She grinned at me and the other Sookie began giggling.

"Damn telepaths. Go on then."

She kissed my cheek and left the room, holding the other Sookie's hand.

Pam quickly snatched Bill's arm to take him 'elsewhere' leaving me alone… with myself. It took us about 20 minutes to get through the outline of my recent weeks and it only took that long because he had extra Sookie related questions. We were doing nothing more than waiting for the Sookies to join us when there was a knock on the office door…

When the other me answered, a waitress entered the room to deliver a note… He started laughing and held it out to me.

My Sookie had written, "Save me. She's impossible. Yes, I know that I'm like this too and I'm sorry."

I replied on the back of the note, "What's it worth to you?"

It was a chore to wait for her reply, but when the waitress came back she handed a napkin to me… I could smell her before it was unfolded…

Sitting in the center of the napkin was a heart shaped smudge of blood and all I could do was growl, but the other me was curious enough so I tossed the napkin to him.

His nostrils flared before he spoke. "_That_ Sookie is a keeper."

I laughed at him. "She's more than that. If yours comes to her senses you'll understand quickly that the idea of sunbathing is preferable to her funeral. She's what I've been waiting for."

He stared at me, disbelieving. I was sure that it was because he hadn't had the opportunity to spend any amount of time with the Sookie he knew, but he'd learn.

It was me that finally told the waitress to inform Sookie that we were ready whenever they were.

While the other Sookie took the chair next to mine, my Sookie entered the office to flop back onto the couch and growled as she rested her arm over her eyes. "Remind me to kick your ass… Your blood has ruined me."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "How's that?"

"My shields are on steroids. It took a huge effort to lower them enough for her to hear my thoughts and then of course I realized exactly how miserable I'd be at work every night without them… those people are nuts."

"I told you. You don't have to be a mind reader to realize there's something very wrong with most of them. I can't wait for the popularity to die down so I can use a 'bottom line' as an excuse to shut down."

She giggled into the crook of her arm. "You're just waiting for the 'Were Revolution', aren't you?" Vampires would be forgotten for the new 'fur trend' within a month and I'd be free to nail the doors shut.

"_You bet that delicious ass of yours._ I've thought of burning Fangtasia down more than 'the church' has." The other me agreed with a nod.

The other Sookie snarked, "But then where will you go to have Fangbangers throw themselves at you?"

Both of me had our mouths open to respond, but my Sookie beat us to it. "**BITCH**, _please_!... You'd be a liar to say you'd rather eat a Happy Meal from the floor than one of Gran's Sunday dinners… Those bitches out there are just nasty. Junk food. Since I've had plenty of Eric's blood and put in so much time here, I can tell you that most of them smell like filth and the sadder ones don't care if they're the last one picked as long as they're picked. They want to be with them because they're vampires like some guys want to be with a girl just because she has big boobs… For the record, you're being a bitch to Eric based on the same assumption you're accusing him of. You think he wants you for what you are and what you can do for him AND throwing it in his face that he's surrounded by sycophants who actually do just want to be with him for what he is… _My Eric_, we need to go home… I don't like this me."

It took the other Sookie a moment to collect herself… My Sookie had definitely hurt her. "The first thing he did when he found out about my disability was use his power over Bill to have me read minds for him."

She snorted and got up to come sit on my knee, glaring at herself the whole way… "You forget that I can read your mind… He was flirting with you before your ass hit the chair on the stage and he used Bruce's call as an excuse to see you again. Damn, you're dense… Having a telepathic pet sucks ass more than it pays off. Eric spends a couple hours a night dealing with emails and voicemails about me. He's had to hire a guard for me. He closed Fangtasia down for the week when we were in New Orleans… and we don't ever have enough time alone together."

"You can't read his mind though. You don't know what he's thinking."

"Bond aside you're still _wrong_… He's usually pretty sarcastic… and you're asking for it… I know you heard him! I freaked out a little the first time I heard mine too, but you didn't hear a reason to be scared of him. If anything it should tell you A LOT about him if you stop being a pious brat!"

The other me 'cleared his throat'. "What did you hear?"

My Sookie answered for her, "When you agreed to turn in the thief instead of kill him, she heard you thinking about keeping business 'aboveboard'..."

The other Sookie finished, "And that you could make me do what you wanted anyway!"

My Sookie fired back, "Anyone could. Anyone without any bit of integrity could've threatened Gran to get you to do what they want. He didn't and it cost him a fortune to save your life…"

"A fortune?"

"Yeah. With Long Shadow dead, how does he get the money back… and then there's the restitution he had to pay to Long Shadow's maker and that's not to say that Hot Rain will accept it and not come back at him for revenge… You've got a lot to learn. Bill screwed you out of a lot of information, but that's not Eric's fault."

"I guess Bill…"

"No. Stop that. It's not the telepathy. It's not Bill. It's not Gran or Sam or Jason or the queen… You didn't have to be an idiot, you did that on your own. We're the same damn person and I'm in love with the guy you're terrified to have civil conversation with. I've never been happier. You've never been more miserable. Fix it instead of whining about it, _damn Disney Princess_."

"Disney princess!? You… I can't believe you… That's not fair!"

I was too interested in how she could be insulted to stay out of it. "What's this?"

"Pam has a thing for cartoons so you've seen a few of the movies, right?"

"Sadly."

"It's a thing Gran pointed out. It got to be a joke… Name a Disney princess and I can tell you how she had to have someone else fix her screwed up life… They never really take care of anything on their own. Don't ever mention Cinderella to Gran either. Sore spot."

"Why would that be a sore spot?"

"That's her 'favorite' one… Gran says Cinderella deserved to mop every floor because she was too stupid to walk away from her horrible step mother."

"Alright, I'll play. Cinderella didn't have anywhere to go."

"She could have gotten a job cleaning for someone else and made her own way instead of doing it for free."

"Is that anything like waiting tables and mind re…" She moved quickly to turn around and clamp her hand over my mouth with a playful smile on her face.

"If you finish that, _I'll get you_."

I laughed into her hand and nodded and when she released me, she poked my ribs before settling back against me again.

The other Sookie seemed to want to ignore her alter ego. "So… since you seem to know everything, do you know why we're a telepath? I mean, it'd be nice to know why I'm stuck like this."

My Sookie started shaking her head, but I wasn't about to lie even if I still hadn't thought of a perfect way to explain yet. I tapped Sookie's shoulder to get her attention. "I know… Well, I know _something_."

She tilted her head and seemed to just be waiting.

"Hadley explained partially because she doesn't know much. I was hoping to learn more, but as it turns out Andre tasted it in her right away. They've done research on their end, but can't place how you're related or to whom, just that you're part Faerie and it didn't come from Adele."

The other Sookie became outraged. "You knew and didn't say anything to her! _You hid it_?"

"You both know every bit of what I know now which is why I was hoping to learn more before trying to explain. Hadley told me the night before we left New Orleans and we've been more than a little distracted since then."

"What could you possibly be so distracted by that you couldn't solve the question…"

"Sookie… you need to understand that _my Sookie_ has come to terms with her gift. She's now on a different page as you are since you've both had very different things happen over the last couple of weeks. She's no longer looking for something to 'blame'. Had a Fae relation come forward there would have been no hesitation. I wasn't hiding it, just hoping to give her more than an answer that just produced more questions."

My Sookie turned to the other her. "He's right. Now I'll… _we both will_ go batty trying to figure the rest of that crap out. We were better off not knowing. And trust me when I say _**we have**_ been more than distracted. We've had a 'drama dinner rush' over the last week."

That time, she seemed to absorb the information. "Andre tasted it… You didn't? I mean… I don't get it… are all fairies telepaths?"

"No… and there's another reason to not mention it… it's entirely possible for Hadley to be Fae through her father's side since the queen couldn't find anything… As for taste, you taste different, but not like Fae… You taste of human with something indistinct to it. I've never tasted Fae that was diluted to less than half, so I couldn't describe what it's like when it's more human."

"You know what Fae tastes like… you know where to find one? We could ask…"

I shook my head. "Fae don't donate… vampires tend to get a little carried away. Their smell is intoxicating to us so they wisely keep their distance."

My Sookie craned her neck to kiss mine. "They don't by chance smell like sunlight, do they?"

"No. I'd have made the connection if that were the case."

She grinned at me. "So when you say 'carried away', do you mean broken keyboard type of stuff or more like what Mrs. Fortenberry did to that poundcake?"

I cringed at the memory of the beastly woman's eating habits at the DGD meeting… "The poundcake. It didn't have a chance."

She reached back to guide my arms around her and rest hers on top of them. She began tickling her fingers over the backs of my hands while she thought… "So… all we really know is that Hadley is confirmed part Fae, but not necessarily me or Jason."

"Yes."

"I caught Paulette thinking about me once you finally told her… she was thinking that telepathy was something she only heard about witches having… but it still makes me kick the dust off the old question of how Jason ended up with nothing."

"I'm not sure he did come up empty though. I think that since you and Adele are so habitual about ignoring what an idiot he can be, you don't notice how sharp his instincts are..."

"The drainer in the club and the hiring process?"

"Among other things… Adele describes him as lazy and I'm not disputing that, but when he does apply himself he doesn't disappoint."

She huffed but started to giggle… "Is it wrong that I think it'll be hilarious if we find out it came from my mom's side of the family?" Even the other Sookie laughed at how ironic it would be. "You know… We're going to see Andre tomorrow night when they bring Hunter… well if we're home." I knew what she was getting at…

"No."

"It's not an exciting prospect for me either, but he's pretty much all we have to go on."

"No."

"I don't want to feed him… just a finger prick…"

"No. Letting him taste you is not something that's going to happen. If he knows the flavor enough to be able to identify it when it's so diluted that I can't taste it, he could most likely develop a craving for you. No."

"Are you sure? It could be the only way for us to find out."

"Positive."

"Well… I guess it doesn't matter."

I saw her mouth open and knew 'it' was coming… "What do you mean 'it doesn't matter'!? You don't want to know?"

My Sookie snickered, "Knowing how I'm a telepath doesn't change that I'm a telepath."

The significant change in my Sookie was becoming more and more apparent as they continued their bickering. All I could do was appreciate what I had… Not that Sookie had ever been a nuisance… what few small complaints I'd had about her were just that, small… The most significant of them had been filed down remarkably quickly by comparison. It was almost as though I was looking at a before and after.

The other Sookie did have an excuse to be cynical to an extent considering that Bill Compton had betrayed her more severely than he had mine and the loss of Adele wouldn't have helped matters, but I was very grateful for what was in my lap…

I was more than relieved when the other me offered to return 'his' Sookie to Bon Temps so that they could discuss their pending trip to New Orleans and we could attempt to solve our predicament…

We stopped just long enough for Sookie to eat something since food had been the last thing on her mind when she awoke alone.

Walking into 'my' house provided an unusually eerie feeling… It took a moment, but I finally came to the consciousness that my house had been nothing more than a resting place until Sookie and Adele made it a home… It was probably best that 'my' Pam wasn't around to make fun of my melancholy over the idea.

The bed didn't even feel 'right'… The room was void of any proof that anyone but me had been there since it had been installed so there certainly weren't any traces of Sookie… they made the bed all the more welcoming…

As it was, the room was no more homey than a hotel.

The only thing that helped was that Sookie unwaveringly became part of my side and we laid together at a loss for what seemed like days… Without anything to go on, there wasn't much to say.

"I don't like not feeling you."

She tightened her arm around me. "Tell me about it… We did ok though… even though we didn't have the bond."

"I have no idea of how to get back…"

"How could you possibly? We have no idea what got us here."

"This is probably the strangest thing I've ever come across… and I'm sure that if someone told me that this was happening to them I'd laugh in their face."

"Then you're doing better than I am."

"You're scared?"

"Well that..."

Sookie stopped herself when we both heard footsteps descending the stairs…

There was a light rap on the door and for a moment I was sure that it was the other me even though he'd be in Bon Temps by now…

Instead, it was Pam.

"Sorry to interrupt."

Sookie looked over her shoulder. "It's ok, we were just talking. What's up?"

"Well, Gran's worried since you never came upstairs today."


	37. Chapter 37

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 37**

**I'll Take It**

I wasn't sure that Pam was serious… The other one we'd met seemed to be just as ours once her friendship with Sookie was taken out of the equation… her being mischievous was still highly likely.

"What do you mean, all day?"

"Well, Gran was worried that Sookie was trapped again. I just got here and you're doing strange things to our bond."

"Strange?"

"_Now_ you feel more normal, but before I came down you felt close **and** far away and you were… well, _bummed_ would be the word. Is everything alright?"

Without considering that she'd completely pealed out of her borrowed outfit to get into bed, Sookie launched herself out of the bed to go tackle Pam… literally. My poor child looked like she'd been smacked with a brick while Sookie hugged her neck where the wall stopped them both from crashing to the floor. "What time is it?"

Pam hadn't ever looked so shocked. "It's just before 9. _Why_?"

I laughed at the look on her face. "Pam, consider that hug from both of us… I've _never_ been happier to see you."

She finally started to return Sookie's hug and as she did, I could actually start to feel her confusion. "Sookie, why do you smell like Ginger?"

Sookie chuckled, "You won't believe it. _You'll laugh your ass off_, but you won't believe it."

"But everything's fine?"

"It is now." She still hadn't let go of Pam.

"Well, then I'll go let Gran know that you were just tired so that she'll stop worrying. Alcide said she behaved today."

Sookie finally let go and stepped away… and promptly realized she wasn't clothed. She darted to the closet and only opened the door on my side at first before she smiled back at me to slowly reveal that her side of the closet had her things again… it was a beautiful sight. "Me and Eric need to talk, but… we'll be up in a minute."

"I'll let everyone know. Gran mentioned that your dinner is in the oven."

"Oh, thanks but… I just ate."

Pam curiously looked to me so I told her it would be part of the explanation before she left.

Sookie crawled back onto the bed wearing her little robe and settled in to straddle my lap, leaning over to kiss me. "This is because I'm part Faerie isn't it?"

"I think it's safe to say that… I've never heard of anything like this happening to anyone else and I've never heard of another vampire/fae pairing…"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. We have a lot to figure out, but I don't think that it's because you're Fae as much as much you being Fae _**and**_ my being vampire."

"I didn't warn her… she's going to freak out."

"The other you?"

She nodded. "She's going to overreact… I was sure when we left that I'd see her again. I was kind of thinking I'd go spend the day with her and, I don't know, get that stick out of her butt… I didn't think coming home would _just happen_."

"I mentioned to him what it's like to share blood with you. I was concerned that since dawn has ambushed us, well, the Bon Temps house isn't light tight… How did she take the review of your last couple of weeks?"

"That's a long story… The first thing she did when we got out to the bar was call me high handed when I ordered her drink for her even though I knew exactly what I wanted… She flipped out and called me a puppet when I explained the pet thing to her even though I told her that you never take advantage of it. She kicked me under the table when I told her about calling him 'master' around other vampires and again when I told her that Jason had taken to the information better than she did. I wanted to hit her/I wanted to hug her… I mean she just lost Gran and after yesterday I can only imagine what she's going through, but at the same time she's got it into her head that Bill Compton is practically human and all other vampires are what the 'church' preaches about. She's so oblivious… not like I was when we met. I just didn't know anything… it's like she saw and heard stuff that she should've paid attention to and filled in the blanks with cotton candy and lemon drops and in turn took the ambiguous stuff she got from Fangtasia and turned you into a monster in her head. Gran would slap her silly for God sakes. I mean… she saved Bill from the Rattrays and then he saved her from bleeding to death, but the fact that he didn't just kill them then didn't sink in. I kind of lied to her too… I'd always wondered how the Disco triplets would've known that Bill was in Bon Temps. I suspected that he contacted them, knowing how tempting I'd be to them and lined himself up to 'rescue' me from them… I told her he did, like it was fact… I told her that even if things have to be different for them and they can't be together like we are, that she could and should trust him… That she could consider him and Pam friends… By then I got the feeling that telling her that she'd be happy with him wouldn't do anything but piss her off. She did think to ask if Eric or me called Bill to Fangtasia, so I ended up explaining that he'd followed her because she'd had his blood… That went over like a whore in church. She's hurt and angry. She _**does**_ regret meeting Bill. She's terrified of _and_ attracted to you… She's a hot mess."

"She didn't trust me enough to let me into the house at first. It took a lot of talking to convince her that I knew anything about her."

"Same with the other you."

"What did you do to get him to believe you weren't crazy?"

She playfully avoided eye contact and bit her lip. "After I practically raped him because I was so happy to see you, I had him and Pam taste my blood as proof. He was contending that I was Bill's. He started listening once he tasted the _Eric_ in me."

I couldn't help but laugh at her. "That would explain why he was so eager to learn about her… not that I wouldn't have been, but whatever you said or did made him very interested in how to get her to dial back the absurd grudge she has against him."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him that arguing with you doesn't work. That stating his case and letting you calm down on your own is the only thing that helps… And I warned him that bonding to her wouldn't help because you know right away when I'm trying to influence your mood."

"You 'warned' him, huh?" Uh oh.

I believe the saying is 'no guts, no glory'… "Yes. Yes, I did. He doesn't have the benefit of Adele's damage control skills."

"Poor bastard."

"He'll manage. We don't seem to need it as often anymore."

She groaned and laid her head on my chest. "It's going to be a rougher road for him though… She just got burned. She's not going to trust him as easily as I trusted you because of Bill."

"It doesn't matter… I've never been one to let something get in my way when I want something… He's just as preoccupied with her as I am with you."

"I hope so. If nothing else, maybe I planted a seed."

"How so?"

"She was… when we were out in the bar, I guess you could call it 'reeling'. She started remembering all the things that Bill said or did that she thought she should've picked up on… I wasn't helping her along as much as rubbing her nose in how ignorant she was… her mind touched on a few more private moments… I could've been sick to see myself with Bill in her head and I ended up returning fire."

I started laughing again. "You remembered 'us' to her? That's a bit brazen." Even for me.

"It was my only defense, but it worked. She got pissed at me for rubbing it in. My Gran is alive. I haven't been beaten to a pulp. Jason and I are still talking. The 'bad guy' is in jail. I don't have to worry about money because you took care of my contract… And on top of all that, I have amazing sex… Bill's an asshole."

"Do I want to know?"

"I don't know… But I sure as hell don't want to think about it enough to explain the differences. It did add to the list of things she should've picked up on… She didn't trust him enough to mention she was a virgin so her 'first time' was really different." She shuddered and faked a gagging noise.

"It might be better for you to detach yourself and just have sympathy for her like you would for anyone who's had to get through fucking him."

She snorted and found my hand to start sliding her thumb back and forth over my ring… she'd seemingly missed it as much as I missed hers. "Well, I can say that those dreams he was pushing at me were total bull crap."

"You didn't tell me that you'd been having dreams about him."

"I had a few, but once I started staying with you they stopped… Is that because of how far away he was or because he has to do it on purpose and I was barely sleeping at night?"

"The latter. If you had dreams about him once the sun was up, he wasn't responsible. It would have been just another side effect."

"How the hell do we explain this?"

"I'm not sure. We need to since we don't know if this could happen again or to what extent."

She was quiet for a moment before she let a slight giggle. "How's your Rod Serling impersonation?"

"This highway leads to the shadowy tip of reality: you're on a through route to the land of the different, the bizarre, the unexplainable... Go as far as you like on this road. Its limits are only those of mind itself. Ladies and Gentlemen, you're entering the wondrous dimension of imagination… Next stop The Twilight Zone."

She sat up laughing. "Pam?"

"No. That's one of the few programs I've enjoyed. The first one I saw was the one where Burgess Meredith survived some sort of cataclysm and as the only person left he finally had plenty of time to read… then his glasses were broken."

She grinned. "It would figure. You _**do**_ love your irony."

All I could do was smile back for a moment. "I love that _**you know**_ that more though."

After separate showers (for the sole purpose of not ignoring the family for even longer than we had already) we found ourselves being greeted by everyone as soon as the door to the kitchen opened.

Sookie barely gave herself the time to register the concerned look on Adele's face before she started. "It has been the craziest night on record, let me tell ya…"

Jason closed his eyes and dropped his head. "You sure we wanna hear this since you ain't left y'alls bedroom?"

She giggled at him (along with everyone else). "We're not sure why it happened or how… but…" She tossed Ginger's clothes onto the counter for effect. "…We just got back from Fangtasia. We left at closing time and we stopped at Denny's on the way home. I had a Super Bird and a sweet tea for dinner while we made fun of the drunks. We came home to an empty house. Empty, empty… None of you were here. None of my things were here… That's why I had to wear Ginger's clothes."

Pam and Alcide both became even more puzzled when they confirmed that the 'vamp-wear' smelled of Ginger, Fangtasia and Sookie… Pam tilted her head. "No seriously."

"Seriously… I woke up and couldn't find Eric. The house was deserted and I had to go looking for him… The same thing happened to him… The 'fun' part… he went to Bon Temps and found me… I went to Fangtasia and found you and him… Then all four of us had a pow wow in his office."

Not surprisingly, the only reaction she got was blinking so I stepped in. "The Sookie I found in Bon Temps had no idea why I was there and the me at Fangtasia was surprised that Sookie would see him without Bill's company… For them, life has been very different…"

Since we found ourselves answering questions for everyone but Bubba (which wasn't a surprise), our conversation took more than an hour and it still didn't seem to be entirely believed… Especially Pam. After centuries of practical jokes between us, I gave her the leeway to say 'bullshit' 6 times… She was very much waiting for the 'gotcha' that she wouldn't be getting.

When all was explained and they'd asked their questions (tried to catch us lying) we were given a report of how their day progressed…

As it turned out, Adele _had_ 'behaved'… She made breakfast for Alcide and Jason and then settled into the library to read after Jason took the initiative to make Adele's appointment with Dr. Manheim on his own… Later, while Adele directed Alcide and Jason on how to rearrange the furniture for Hunter, curiosity made Jason call Paulette… Since Sookie mentioned that the wards in New Orleans helped to block the thoughts of outsiders, it occurred to him to ask Paulette if she could research how to ward a specific room. And he did it while letting Paulette believe that it was for Sookie, 'just in case'… His reasoning was amusing at the very least: Even though Adele would be his only 'neighbor', she'll read 'any book you put in front of her' so there's no telling what she dreams about or what kind of nightmares it could cause for Hunter.

Hearing that made Sookie hug her brother… and wink in my direction… She was starting to see the little things I'd been picking up on…

I was starting to notice something more though… the more he was 'allowed' to think, the more he was doing so impressively. It was as though his squirrels had finally gotten rid of the cobwebs.

Jason was exceedingly proud of himself as he led us to the room Sookie had stayed in for her first couple of nights at the house… He'd thought to lower the bar in the closet while Adele dressed the bed… She'd sent him out on the errand of purchasing smaller hangers for Hunter's tiny clothes and when he came back, he'd accumulated much more than just hangers. He'd been on a spree that Alcide was elbowed for calling 'sweet'. The assortment included a step for Hunter's bathroom and one for next to his bed, a small table and chairs, a few pool toys, and a stockpile of children's toiletry items, art supplies and toys… quiet toys.

Bubba spent a moment fixated on some of the toys and eventually explained that Little People were made from wood when his 'lil one' had them… some of us had pity for him. Some of us were just shocked that he'd mention her… But it was Alcide to bring Bubba back from his memory by telling him that his nephew was still playing with the ones he'd had… and called them 'old peoples'.

I had no fucking clue what a 'Little People' was, but the distinct lack of battery requirements on the packaging caught my attention immediately… And the reasoning was rewarded by another hug from his sister…

Sookie used to 'steal' his action figures because 'everyone' bought talking dolls for her… With all of the 'background noise' she heard, the last thing she wanted/needed was to hear _**more**_ voices…

Even if it did seem as though he was somehow trying to make up for years of being intolerant of Sookie's ability, I was quite proud of him for thinking about it when it came to Hunter. It already seemed like he was going to survive more easily than Sookie had since he'd be surrounded by individuals who were willing to accommodate his ability rather than scorn it.

While Sookie cooed over Hunter's miniature clothing (specifically the socks for some reason), Pam not-so-casually asked to speak to me privately…

I was only surprised that she'd waited the half hour we'd spent getting our tour of Hunter's 'crib'. _I had immediately regretted asking why he would still be in a crib_.

We stopped at the bottom of the stairs, not needing to go further to avoid Adele or Jason's hearing and I wasn't interested in being any further away from Sookie. I'd had enough of that for the night. "Go ahead."

"You aren't joking. That really happened. You really woke up in some bizarre alternate reality… Some 'what if' state of being?"

"Yes."

"How?"

"We told you. We aren't sure."

"Bullshit. Is she a witch?"

"Why would you ask if she's a witch?"

"Because I started researching her ability while we were still in New Orleans. She's either a witch or a comic book character... _Not everyone had something to do right up until dawn_."

"Behave… Sookie overheard Paulette thinking that telepathy is a witch's ability, but are you ready for the twist?"

"Am I going to like it or is this going to be like the time we saw The Sixth Sense."

"I can't believe you're still upset about a movie…"

"You let me get invested before you leaned over to tell me Bruce Willis was dead."

"Oh, come on, seriously!? The boy said 'they don't know they're dead'… how did you not see that coming?"

"How about that tongue clicking thing you did for weeks after we saw Signs? That was just creepy." One day she might actually stop dragging me to the movies…

I rolled my eyes at her, but I wasn't hiding how much fun I was having. "While you're whining, don't forget Scream. You thought it was Sidney's father."

"But I beat you to it when we saw The Village."

"Considering how the movie industry doesn't bother itself with research, the dialog being off for the time period was something I was trying to ignore."

"Whatever… What's the twist?"

"Hadley is part Fae. Andre tasted it right away and they've been trying to research the family tree ever since."

She gasped angrily and hit my shoulder hard enough that Sookie called down to us to ask if we needed to be separated. Knowing that our bond was 'back' brought a smile to my face that I didn't bother fighting. "How long have you known? Does Sookie know?"

"Hadley mentioned it the night she told me about Hunter. I haven't said anything because of all the unknown variables. Sookie only knows because the other her asked point blank. Sadly, that's all we know."

"So you've bonded to a Fae hybrid with a mysterious witch ability and no knowledge of how she's connected to either."

"So it seems."

"Are we not asking around?"

"No. We just haven't had the time to search for a Fae. It's not as though they grow on trees."

She licked her lips. "_That would be nice though_… So… holding pattern."

"I think I might go to Flood to see if he knows of any that are local. He seems to trust Sookie. If he knows the circumstances, he might be willing to make an introduction. It all hinges on if Sookie wants it though."

"Why wouldn't she?"

"She seemed uninterested when we spoke about it. Only curious. She seemed more interested in Mr. Cataliades ancestry than her own."

"Shit. She couldn't be part Daemon too could she?"

"Highly unlikely. Her blood is too good to be tainted by even the most distant relation."

She stuck her tongue out at me. "Rubbing it in?"

"No. If I were 'rubbing it in' I'd have mentioned that the other you we met got to taste her."

She shook her head slowly, eyeing me with her 'shame on you' face. "That's. Just. Wrong."

"Don't look at me. _**This**_ Sookie did it… as proof that she wasn't insane. The other Sookie was dating Bill and hadn't had my blood."

"Why didn't she just let the other you taste her?" Good question.

I called over my shoulder to ask and felt her amusement for a moment before a piece of wadded paper was thrown over the railing… Pam eagerly grabbed it as though it had been a race… and started laughing. "Do I want to know?"

"She wrote, 'I thought you two were playing a joke on me. My Eric wouldn't have allowed it, prank or not and that guy was still close to breaking stuff from my greeting'… If the other Sookie was with Bill then why was the other you so agreeable to _that kind of greeting_?"

I had my mouth open to answer her when another note was thrown over the railing, this time hitting Pam in the side of the head. "She throws things."

She did her best to not laugh as she snatched the note from the floor and began reading the note… "Other Pam… Seriously, Sookie? 'Other Pam'? That's just odd!"

Sookie snorted and replied, "_**Odd**_ is explaining to yourself that you'd kick your own ass if you didn't stop acting like either Eric owed you an apology for being a vampire. I win."

Pam shrugged. "I suppose you do… 'Other Pam told me that Other Eric is obsessed. She said she was thinking about running away if he didn't get Other Sookie soon.' Am I assuming what 'get' is implying correctly?"

Sookie giggled. "Yes ma'am, you are."

Pam rolled her eyes at me. "I suppose _that_ me got the short end of the stick as well. I can only imagine what you'd be like…" She started laughing again, but this time the humor was more evil than usual. "…With the way you hate to lose… losing _**anything**_… _**you**_… losing _**Sookie**_… to _**Compton**_!? Oh Lord!" I could hear Sookie snickering along with her crony.

"You can shut the fuck up any time now."

She was still laughing and making it evident that vampires don't need oxygen. "…That Sookie **must** be brain damaged! Can you imagine? Maybe you just weren't trying hard enough to glamour her… That's the only explanation!"

"Sookie can't be glamoured. She was just unfortunate enough to have spent too much time with…"

Sookie interrupted by yelling, "Call a spade 'a spade', Eric. That Sookie is retarded."

"She's not…"

"You are the weakest link. Good-bye." Her British accent was atrocious, but worth a laugh.

"Sookie, the two realities hinge on your decision…"

"Roxy."

"What?"

Finally annoyed with carrying on a multi-room conversation, Sookie joined us wearing a smirk. "I said 'Roxy'. It all comes down to you settling on fast food the night we met. I saw it play out in Sookie's head. In her version, you were still kicking the gropers away from your legs when she got there. Bill actually suggested that she'd be interested in you and then when you talked to her, Bill was so tense and skittish that he had Sookie on edge… _You had tried to glamour her over to meet you while Bill was at the bar too…_ If you hadn't taken Roxy to your office for a quickie then Pam wouldn't have tattled on me and our meeting wouldn't have been private. Bill being terrified affected how she felt about you because it had only been a week since I had so much of his blood. He was probably pushing that fear on purpose and with the overstimulation of a full bar, she wouldn't have felt the push."

"Really?"

She nodded. "They even had the same fight we did… the fangbangers were throwing themselves at him and he was trying to convince me that he was mainstreaming. Both mes got flirted with by Pam and Long Shadow too… Roxy was the wild card."

Pam crossed her arms. "I. Did. Not. Flirt. With. You."

Sookie answered by crossing her arms as well and stared back at Pam with her eyebrows lifted.

"Ok. Fine. Maybe a little, but it was just to annoy Bill."

Sookie continued to eye Pam until she decided to leave us to go back to Hunter's room. With Pam gone, Sookie smiled up at me. "I know it's only 11, but I'm completely exhausted."

"I'm a little road weary myself. Not to worry though, Adele has had a full day. She'll be going to bed soon."

"Jason and Alcide will go home, but what are we going to do about getting rid of Pam and Bubba?"

"Bubba won't stay after Adele says her goodnights. Pam can roam around the house as far as I'm concerned. We're going to bed."

"Promise?"

"Providing that we don't find ourselves in another mind fuck, yes, I promise."

I felt like I was watching a mass exodus… and all it took was a long yawn from Adele that left her eyes watery…

Jason said that he'd be back tomorrow afternoon and Alcide mentioned being back as soon as he'd showered and eaten after he left work… Adele, of course, insisted that he eat with 'the family'…

As expected, Bubba made his exit and asked if he could come by to meet Hunter later in the week…

And just as much as we expected Bubba to 'leave the building' on cue… Pam chose to stay behind.

She'd checked in with Chow and Ginger several times and couldn't think of a single reason to go. Normally, I'd have ordered her to leave, but I'd be lying if I said that I was irritated by her company. Even if our short-lived ordeal seemed to be quite finished, Pam was the only one who seemed to grasp that it had happened… And I'd missed having that bond too. It was hauntingly uncomfortable to have been in the same room with her and not feel anything between us after so long…

No sooner than the door to our room was closed behind us, Sookie bounced up to wrap herself around me and bury her face against my neck. "I don't like feeling crazy… but I _**really**_ don't like feeling empty."

All I could do was hold onto her. "I was just thinking the same thing."

"Is it silly that we were only 'gone' for a few hours but now that we're back, it felt like forever?"

"Not at all. I wasn't even annoyed to see Bubba waiting for us upstairs."

She hummed against my neck. "_You are my Eric, aren't you_?"

"Sookie, that's not funny."

I could feel her smiling against my neck, even if she wasn't too amused with herself. "I don't think it's out of line to ask, given the circumstances."

Instead of hating the reminder, I decided to play along as I slowly walked over to the bed. "Would he know that you're a natural blonde?"

She giggled. "Probably. My eyelashes are fair too and you're a smart guy."

"Would he know that you ran over a raccoon during your first driving lesson?"

"It's possible since I called 9-1-1."

"Would he know that you pick the toppings off of your pizza, but you still eat them?"

She kissed my neck. "Maybe not."

I put her down on the bed and hovered over. "What about you? Are you really _my Sookie_?"

"Would I be here with you if I wasn't?"

"I don't know. I have to be sure."

"It would be too easy… besides, the proof is in the pudding." She punctuated her suggestion by wiggling her eyebrows.

I laughed at her. "Oh no, as tempting as that is, you made me work for it. It's your turn."

She gave me a cheeky grin. "Ok… would she know that you have a Nancy Drew video game loaded on your work computer? You blame Pam, but you have a game saved."

"You could've broken into my office… and that game is harder than you'd think."

She snickered at me. "Would she know that you write with your right hand, but draw with your left?"

"She could. I'm prone to drawing caricatures of customers out of boredom… which is how you know that. Next."

She bit her lip and sat up enough to almost put our noses together and practically breathe her last answer against my lips. "Would she know that being this close to you makes every part of me react? That any way or place you touch me puts me on edge? That every little naturally blonde hair on my body might as well reach for _my master_? Would she know how close she is to being your plaything and your meal? Would she know that your hands are just as capable of making me plead for my life as they are of making me beg for more? Would she know how much she should be looking forward to it?"

It was a struggle to say anything. I'd grossly overplayed my hand… and our clothes were in the way. "Sookie…"

"Which Sookie?"

"_**Mine**_. My Sookie."

I watched the chill creep over her shoulder as she moved to put her mouth on my neck… before her lips touched, her breath melted my resolve... and I was done for.


	38. Chapter 38

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 38**

**Meanwhile… Back At Fangtasia**

Sookie didn't wait a moment once I'd put the car in gear. "Thanks for the ride. I didn't realize that you'd get stuck taking me back to Bon Temps when… well, when _**you**_ suggested I come along."

I couldn't help but laugh at how bizarre the statement was. "He'd have taken you back, but we need to talk."

"I'm pretty sure he just wanted to prove he wasn't crazy as much as I wanted him to see I wasn't who he was looking for."

"You _are_ who he was looking for though… there's no doubt in my mind that they really are _**us**_." Another ludicrous remark.

"You were really quiet in there."

"I didn't have anything intelligent to say."

"Are you saying that I sounded like an idiot?" Completely and epically idiotic along with prudishly offensive and fiercely jaded. _A total package of loveliness._

"No. You sounded like someone who was dealing with very unusual circumstances… I didn't say much because for a long time, the only thing I could think about was that I was looking at another me." It doesn't happen often, but even vampires get gob-smacked from time to time.

She stared at me quietly for a moment before she thought of something to say. "You… You've been around for a while. Have you ever had anything like this happen?"

"No. Nothing even close. No… I blame you."

"Me!?"

"Settle down… I was mostly joking. Since you're part Fae and traditionally Fae and vampires don't mix… I think I have grounds to hold the unique circumstances responsible… rather, _**their**_ unique circumstances."

"I didn't do anything though." She was practically whining.

"I doubt that it matters. As it is, they aren't concerned with what happened as much as how to get back to where or whenever they came from."

"I can't blame them really… What happened when you got to Fangtasia? She said you suck."

"All vampires _'suck'_."

She giggled. "You know what I mean."

I did know what she meant…

…_It was supposed to be just another boring night. Work. Sit. Watch. Feed. Die. The same boring shit night after night and I'd actually considered calling Compton to have him bring his fascinating little pet for a visit once I could get Pam to help me think of a mind for Sookie to read… I hadn't considered for a moment that Bill wouldn't have healed her injuries by then…_

…_Pam was on her way over to me when I came from the back hallway and that's when I noticed Sookie… She was wearing a jean skirt and black leather vest that hugged and squeezed every bit of her perfectly and she was spooning cherries into a garnish tray while violently motioning to Kyra to get her 'nasty ass acquainted with the shower stall'…_

…_And when she spotted me… it only took a moment for her face to completely light up. I'd never seen her smile like that. I'd seen her smile, but by comparison, they all seemed counterfeit. __**That**__ was how Sookie truly smiled. And it only got better as she practically ran over to me…_

…_How firmly she'd taken my wrist was as surprising as how she seemed so sure that I'd follow her. More shocking was that when she slammed my office door behind us and I opened my mouth to greet her, she lifted her leg to snake it around my hip and lift herself to kiss me. She didn't hesitate when I pinned her to the wall to keep her exactly where she was, when I pulled her other leg up to wrap it behind me, or when my fangs ran out and nicked her lip… it only seemed to make her cling to me even more tightly, rub herself against me more persistently, whimper as my hands followed the backs of her thighs up to her ass more eagerly… _

…_She'd been standoffish at best around me, but I wasn't interested in the reason for her sudden change of mind… not when she chewed my lip on her way to taunt my neck, not when she was digging her nails into my shoulders as though she knew I liked it, not when her scent became even stronger when I pushed her panties to the side and she moaned against my neck to ask if something was 'wrong' with the couch…_

_...The moment I was sitting her hands went to my belt. On her knees over me, still dragging her teeth over my neck like she wanted to be bitten and opening my pants… and when her ring scraped across my stomach in her frenzy, breaking the skin, she smirked through her apology as she leaned in to lick away the trace of blood…_

_And then I fucked up by opening my mouth. "Nice ring." Even if Bill had probably gotten it for her, I was grateful for the damn thing since it was the reason her mouth was on the short journey from the scrape to my cock…_

_She hummed against me. "If that's why you bought it, you should've said so sooner." Me?..._

_I took her face in my hands to stop her and I'm still not sure why. "What do you mean, 'why I bought it'?"…_

_She gave me a confused look and pulled my hand away from her face to look at it. "Where's yours?"…_

"_Where's my what?"…_

_Her look became more serious. "Your ring. You took it off? I didn't expect you to wear it all the time, but you said…" She practically launched herself off of my legs and started pacing the floor and that was the precise moment that I realized I should've just kept my fucking mouth shut. I'd ruined the first __**real fun**__ I would've had in years with eight fucking letters. "…PAM!"_

_I watched her pace like a caged cat until Pam came to the door… I was at a loss, but not so much that I could ignore the devilish grin on her face. "That was fast." Bitch._

_Sookie let a wry laugh. "No shit. He's not my Eric."_

"_**Your Eric?**__ What does your Eric look like? Maybe I've seen him."_

_Sookie rolled her eyes on her way across the floor. "He looks like that, but __**that jerk**__ doesn't remember giving me my ring. He isn't wearing his… You said that he told you to order a drink for me. That he was on his way. Right?"_

_Pam put her hands up. "Alright… I'm a bit confused. He told me to get a Lynchburg Lemonade for you and tell you he was on his way, but…"_

_I started shaking my head. "I didn't talk to you earlier." I put myself back together and stood with both women who seemed to have lost their minds._

"_Yes you did. I called you when I rose and you were anxiously searching for Sookie. When she arrived here, I called you again."_

"_Pam, I haven't talked to you tonight. I wasn't searching for Sookie." I'd been going through my employee files trying to think of a reason to hire a telepath._

"_I'm… I'm with Sookie. I talked to you. You were looking for her. When she got here, she was nearly frantic looking for you. I called. We talked. Lemonade. It happened."_

"_I'm telling you it didn't." I took my phone out and handed it to her so that she could see that the last call I'd gotten was from Bobby… _

_So she raised her eyebrow and dug her phone out of her corset… "And I'm telling you that it did." Her phone log said that she'd talked to me twice._

"_What the fuck is going on? Really, I haven't spoken to anyone all night… If this is a joke…" I'd kill her._

"_I'm not joking…"_

_Sookie startled Pam by taking hold of her hand. "Where's your bracelet? You've been wearing it for days."_

"_Bracelet? Sookie? Are you feeling alright?"_

"_Platinum. Double link chain. Two charms dangle next to the clasp. One is a pavé 'P' and the other is a round plaque with a medic alert symbol and the other side has 'oniomania' engraved. Gran suggested it when she heard that your kitchen cabinets are full of shoes." That wasn't something anyone would know…_

_Pam started shaking her head in disbelief as she backed away. "My cabinets? How do you know…"_

_Sookie was practically beside herself, rolling her eyes as she started. "Your hairless cats are named Armani and Versace. You have to pierce your ears every night because your mother considered it 'unfashionable'. You're sure that OJ Simpson is a Were since he killed his wife at midnight during a full moon… and that he shifted slightly so that the damn glove wouldn't fit right and you're pretty sure that the racist cop is from a rival pack. How's that?"_

_We both stared at her for a while before I thought of anything to say. "I thought you can't read vampires' minds."_

"_I can't. Only yours. You know that." Oh. Shit._

"_How could I possibly know that?"_

"_Because… Are y'all screwing with me? If you are it's a good one! Maybe even better than the __**Curse of the Disappearing Gouchos**__."_

_Pam gasped, "__**You**__ told her! This __**IS**__ a joke!"_

"_I didn't tell her anything. She just said that she could read my mind."_

_Sookie shot an angry look in my direction. "Five times. We're counting… it's always something random… You're serious? You don't know me?"_

"_I know who you are… You're Sookie Stackhouse, telepathic pet of Bill Compton, waitress and serial killer's champion."_

"_No… I'm Sookie Stackhouse, bonded telepath of my master, Eric Northman." I actually liked the sound of that._

"_We aren't bonded. You'd have needed my blood for that. Is Compton behind this?"_

_Her angry look lingered for a moment before she went behind my desk and opened a drawer to pull out a thumb tack… as she walked over she pricked her finger and let a bead pool. She rubbed the drop over Pam's lip and asked, "Who do I taste like?"_

_Pam's eyes were wide before her tongue was behind her lips again. "Eric… she really does. She tastes like you. And… wow… Compton's lucky for such a daft prick." She licked her lips again to rub it in that she'd gotten to taste Sookie's blood before me. _

_Sookie raised her eyebrows and put her hands on her hips. "Told you. How would I taste like you?"_

"_I'm not convinced. She hasn't had my blood in ages. She could be wrong."_

_Sookie smirked, __**actually**__ smirked and pricked her finger again, but instead of leaving the drop on my lip as she had for Pam, she slid her finger into my mouth… her flavor flooded my senses as she wrapped her arm around my back and pressed herself into my side. Pam was right; about Sookie tasting like me __**and**__ about Compton being lucky. That mother fucker didn't deserve to taste anything so perfect… I'd never tasted anything quite like it. As she pulled her finger away, she pricked it again on my fang and left a deposit behind. While I savored her taste, she spoke softly enough that it could be considered a purr. "You aren't really a Viking, but you gave up correcting people centuries ago. The last time you had the argument was with the Berts. You tried to make the point that not all Swedes were Vikings anymore than all Germans were Nazis. They didn't get it and pointed out that they were Saxons, not Germans…. Your name has always been Eric even if you changed the spelling depending on where you lived... You only lived in Ireland for a few months because a lot of cabbage in a diet makes blood taste funny and that's how you ended up going to England and finding Pam…" She paused for a moment, making me realize that my eyes were locked on hers as though she was glamouring me. She licked her lips and ran her finger down my arm to take my hand. "You love the way I smell when I sunbathe and then climb into bed and wait for you to rise. Your favorite place to take blood is my thigh. We constantly ruin sheets with our blood even though we spend plenty of time in the shower and your pool. You love telling me what to do and watching me… And you cuss in dead languages when you cum… Convinced yet?"_

_I pointed to the door and waited for Pam to realize it was her cue to exit, never taking my eyes from Sookie's. "As much as I'd like for you to be mine, you aren't the Sookie I know. The last time I laid eyes on Sookie she was Compton's and far too bashful to say 'cum' at all… let alone to me."_

"_Really?"_

"_Really. I don't know what the fuck is going on, but I'm sure it can all be straightened out… You should call Bill to come get you before you do something you regret." __**Idiot**__. I was an idiot and the only fucking thing to blame it on was that I couldn't possibly think clearly while her arms were around me and my cock was pressed against her hip._

"_I wouldn't call that knob even if I could."_

"_Why?... on both counts."_

"_I wouldn't because I hate him and I couldn't because he's in New Orleans getting punished for trying to fuck over the queen."_

"_When did that happen?" I'd just see him at the hospital with her a few days ago._

"_Last week." She stepped back and plopped down onto the couch and scowled at it, then the rug. "What happened to the ones Pam picked, I liked them. If I didn't know better, I'd swear Bobby picked these." He had, but it was just another item on a list of shit that the Sookie I knew wouldn't have any knowledge of._

…_That was when we finally started comparing notes… she believed wholeheartedly in her angle of the last 17 days of her life. So much so that I began questioning my own sanity, even if it was primarily because I preferred the idea of her being mine as opposed to Compton's…_

I was getting hard again just remembering Sookie's taste, the way she felt and breathed… "When I entered the bar she was filling the garnish stations and ordering one of the waitresses to go take a shower because she smelled 'too bad to change bedpans'… She greeted me in the same fashion she greeted him after yanking me into my office…"

"She yanked you?"

"I didn't have any reason to think that it wasn't you… Even if you were draining Bill, which I know you wouldn't, you wouldn't be that strong… She took me by surprise. You couldn't budge me."

"I'm _a little_ stronger since the Long Shadow thing… She must be getting a lot."

"Practically every night." And if vampires could shit, I would've when he told me as much.

"Every night?"

"It would explain a lot about her personality… the differences between you, that is. She's protective of him like a vampire would be over their pet and she… The way she dealt with Bill and explained things to the queen..."

"Care to explain that?"

"If you promise to count to ten before you respond, I will."

She rolled her eyes and groaned, "Fine."

"You're cheeky. You sassed me the first time you came to Fangtasia but you still lack confidence in your ability and how valuable it can be. _That Sookie _has spent the last couple of weeks surrounded by vampires who appreciate her and it's practically repaired the damage done by her life of being surrounded by people who fear her. She's being more sensible because her master is practical. She's more confident because her master is self-assured. She's being more strategic because her master is tactical… She's also more aggressive because of him too."

"How does that work?"

"You didn't count to ten."

"I wasn't responding. I was asking for clarification. Well?" At least she hadn't denied being mouthy.

"When a human and a vampire bond or a vampire makes a child they can feel and influence each other. Sometimes it's intentional. Sometimes it isn't. She's picking up his personality traits."

She made an amused snort. "That would explain a lot… he wasn't exactly vampirey at my house."

"How's that?"

"He seemed so obsessed with finding her…"

"She was just as obsessed with finding him as well. She wasn't pleased when she realized I had no idea what she was talking about."

She giggled. "What do you expect? You let her kiss you."

I raised my eyebrow at her. "I thought she was _you_."

She furrowed her brow. "I think that makes it more weird."

"How so?"

"That you'd let me kiss you like that."

"It was an amazing kiss. Would you like a demonstration?"

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I think I'll pass… I'm starting to think I should've spent more time with the other me."

"Why is that?"

"She knows more about y'all than me. All I know is what Bill explained, so I can't trust any of it. I'm… she's been around you more."

"Who do you think she learned from? What do you want to know?"

"I don't know… stuff. She spent most of her time telling me how to behave when we go to New Orleans and what you and Pam are like… not really anything else."

"How to behave?"

"Yeah. She figured I'd be a bitch to you if you told me how to be a 'pet'… I guess she's right. I probably would've flipped out if you told me to call you 'master'."

"He told me that she is very good at the pageantry required. He was complimented on how well she heels, but… they aren't like that privately."

"I…" She cleared her throat and shifted, catching my attention. "…I know."

"Oh, did that Sookie _kiss and tell_?"

I didn't even have to look directly at her to know she was blushing. "She told me that they're like a team… That she's only a pet around other vampires. He doesn't boss her around or anything."

"That isn't what's making you blush though."

"I'm not blushing."

"You most certainly are blushing. The little bit of your face that isn't bruised, is the same color as my car…"

"Fine! _**That you**_ kissed and told… when he was trying to convince me."

"Oh really? Care to share?"

"Nope."

"Alright then, I'll change the subject… Why didn't you let him heal you? He told me that he offered."

"He didn't really offer as much as shove a bloody wrist in my face after he tried to come into my house without an invitation."

"Ah, well, he _was_ under the impression that you were her. He wouldn't have let her go along like _that_. I'm not particularly fond of seeing you like that either."

She sniped, "Not enjoying the view?"

"You're quite bitter."

"Oh, I'm sorry… I should try to be more sensitive. Poor Eric, you just found out that if things had gone differently, you'd have been doing me for two weeks… and I just found out that if I hadn't been a dumbass my Gran wouldn't have been murdered, my brother would still be talking to me, I wouldn't have been sleeping with someone who just wanted a mindreading faerie to snack from and dangle in front of the queen and I wouldn't be worrying about losing my house because of all the time I've had to take off of work because I was beaten to within an inch of my life. Sorry if my shitty life is bringing you down!"

"I'm sorry about your grandmother. I understand she was a remarkable woman. Your brother will come around. You need to understand he's in mourning and that you're blaming yourself just as much as he is. I hear that anger is one of the stages of grief…. As for your house and bills and injuries, I'll help if you let me."

"You'll pay my bills and give me your blood. Gee. What on earth could you possibly want in return?"

"If you want to, consider it a loan. You'll be able to repay me, if you insist, once you receive your retainer from the queen. He told me that the other you had already paid off your mortgage with cash to spare. I would consider the healing to be a belated compensation for the injury Long Shadow gave you while doing a favor for me." She stared at me, making it painfully obvious that she thought I'd expect sex in return.

"You're serious?"

"And highly offended by the look on your face. You've already stated that you couldn't trust anything Bill told you, and yet you'd think that I'd barter for sex… I can be a bastard. I'm fucking good at it, but there's no sport in picking off the weak."

She opened her mouth as though she was going to say something several times, but the rest of the drive went by without conversation…

Thankfully.

When we arrived at her house, run down as it was, I'd lost enough patience that I didn't bother with her door. I simply walked up to the porch and waited to test a theory.

I waited for her to unlock the door and when she opened her mouth to invite me in, I put my hand up. "You already invited me in once tonight, yes?"

"No, I invited him in." Semantics.

"Humor me." I didn't wait for her to argue about anything, I put my foot out and stepped into her house with no problem.

I was tempted to turn around say to something along the lines of an 'I told you so', but it wouldn't do anything but annoy her and her mouth was already open. "Holy crap! He really was you… They really were us… Oh my god… That's crazy, Eric! Part of me was still thinking… Holy crap!"

"As opposed to holy shit?"

"I don't cuss a lot. Gran didn't like it."

"Do you say '_cum'_?"

Her face became as red as a beet, _**again**_. _**"NO!"**_

I couldn't help but laugh as I turned to go to the kitchen. "I didn't think so."

She followed me. "Didn't think what?"

"The other you isn't as… _bashful_ as you still are. She mentioned a few _more intimate_ details while she was trying to convince me… I think she was hoping I'd remember."

"_She told you about me_!?"

I started opening drawers to try to find a pen. "No… She told me about _me_… Telling me about you would've been counterproductive since I wouldn't know any better. She could've told me that you enjoy any number of bizarre acts and I'd have no way to dispute it, however telling me what I like made me realize that her story was worth an audience."

"He should've thought about that. He tried the same thing. He did alright with the random tidbits about me, but then he was describing them as a couple and… well then stuff I've never done… so…"

I tried biting my lip, but the smile I'd wanted to prevent was already irritating her.

"…What's that? _That smirk_… you think it's funny that I'm inexperienced?" Not at all… Especially not considering 'Eric' had shared the reasons for it.

"No. I was thinking of the adage, 'what a difference a day makes'."

"It wasn't just a day though, or a few days… It was a hellish two weeks."

"I'm not arguing that."

"Then what are you saying?... And what are you looking for?"

"I'm saying that while you blush just _hearing_ the word 'cum'… she _said_ it with her finger in my mouth. I'm looking for a pen. Where can I find one?"

When she didn't answer, I turned to see her mouth hanging open and her eyes were comically wide.

"What?" I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what was on her mind, but it didn't make much sense to set a precedent for practicality, all things considered.

"She… I wouldn't do that."

"Not now you wouldn't, but she was very determined to convince me she was mine. She was proving that she tasted like me. A pen?"

"She didn't just smell like you? That's a little drastic."

"It hadn't occurred to me other than she _didn't_ smell like Bill. I was preoccupied with being molested."

She gasped, blushing again instantly. "Molested?"

"Can we discuss it after you tell me where to find a pen?"

The look she gave me was amusing enough, like it was the first time she'd heard me ask and I followed her, assuming the desk I'd noticed in the living room would be our destination…

But I found myself standing just inside a small bedroom scattered with stacked boxes while she rummaged through a night stand drawer. She finally approached me with a pen held out. "Sorry. Gran had a thing for pencils. Said that only conceited people use pens."

I chuckled at the thought. "I think I might've liked to have known her. She sounds very interesting."

"The other you was upset that she's dead… He said they're friends."

"He told me that Pam calls her Gran and that she's planning their vacation to Rome next year… Perhaps the idea that there's at least one of her somewhere who is quite healthy and happy will help you get through mourning her loss." _Not that I'd know how the fuck to mourn anyone._

Her eyes began to fill, but she seemed determined to not let any tears spill. "I'm sorry about the mess… I was in the process of moving into Gran's room when… Well, I haven't been much up to going through the rest or carting stuff off."

"Understandable…" Since she seemed to want a change of subject, I motioned to the closet. "Are your things already moved in?"

I was opening the closet door before she was done nodding. "What are you looking for now?"

Shuffling the hangers along the bar, I found that she had an astounding collection of clothes that would cause melodramatic weeping and ranting from Pam. I would never hear the end of the jokes. "I'm going to need your sizes. I'll have Pam take care of getting the clothing you'll need for our trip."

"I have plenty of clothes. You don't have to do that."

"Pam will enjoy the excuse to shop and you'll be required to dress according to the queen's standards… It's part of the pageantry I mentioned earlier. You'll need to look the part."

She sighed, "What part is that?"

"The part of a pet in training. If you seem to be resistant to acclimating it will bring suspicions as to how flexible you are about who your master is."

"I need to heel."

I chuckled, closing the door. "You most certainly do. Not to worry, you'll be free to be a brat when no one is watching."

"I'm not a brat."

"Sullen, confrontational, indignant, suspicious, sardonic… I could go on, but it would just push you to prove the list. If you behave that way towards me in public, you could very easily find yourself in the 'care' of another vampire. One that would very quickly start to break you of those traits. The façade is a necessary evil. Surely, Sookie explained that to you."

She stared at me for a moment, visibly frightened by the reality… "I wasn't… She did explain it to me. I was just saying that I'm not a brat. Brats are spoiled and I've worked for every lit bit of what I have… I'm just stubborn."

"Good…" I walked past her to return to the kitchen and sat at the table, pulling my checkbook out of my pocket. All the while, she was directly behind me. "…Hotel or my house?"

"What?"

"In New Orleans, would you prefer to stay at my house or would you be more comfortable with adjoining rooms in a hotel?"

"Oh, uh… you know I hadn't considered it because Sookie told me she stayed at your house and told me all about Paulette. Besides, wouldn't it look funny if we had hotel rooms when you have a house there?"

"I could explain it away by saying there is a plumbing malfunction. If you're sure that you'll be comfortable, I'll contact Paulette tonight about having the house ready for us."

She sat down next to me. "Yeah… that's fine. When do you think we'll go?"

"I could rise tomorrow to find that they expect us by dawn. Be prepared for that, but most likely it'll be the next night. She won't wait long to find out why she should cancel a wedding that's been in negotiations for more than a year."

"Uh… about that…"

"Don't worry. You'll be fine. Sookie explained that she discovered accidentally that holding onto me makes focusing less of a chore."

"Holding on? Did she say how?"

"She said that she noticed it the night she was at Fangtasia about the theft. He was giving her a massage and she was able to go through each mind out in the bar individually."

"Really? Wait… no. They're bonded though."

"Not at the time. She hadn't had his or Long Shadow's. She said that she was able to block the others because she was focusing on only two things. His 'nothing' and the one other brain in question… That's quite a remarkable talent you have. I'm curious about it; how it works."

She puffed out her cheeks. "I'm probably as excited about being a mind reader as you are about being a vampire. It's not all it's cracked up to be."

"Not if you concentrate on the negative aspects of it. Anyone could walk around whining and feeling sorry for themselves over every aspect of their being if they wanted to, but no one wants to be around them. Being affected is just something you have to muddle through. Wallowing is unforgivable."

"That's easy for you to say. You're a vampire. You're at the top of the food chain."

"You could be a vampire too, but you'd be a mind reading vampire _without a tan_."

She actually giggled. "It's getting late. We can do the pros and cons later, K?"

"Certainly. We'll have plenty of time to kill in New Orleans, but you should be prepared to lose. After all, I have Pam to add to my con list."

She laughed and nudged my leg with her foot. "_Shut up_! Sookie already told me that y'all are like brother and sister. Y'all are together because you like it." Without an honest argument, I smiled and finally began making the check out for Sookie's bills.

She seemed to disconnect for a moment... while she stared at what I decided must be the light switch next to the back door, I found a note pad in a drawer to leave my number, Paulette's and Bobby's…

She finally spoke again, beginning by taking a sharp breath. "The queen is going to kill Bill, isn't she?"

"I'm sure that she won't let him get away with his little operation. She sent him on a simple task… As we compared notes the two of us decided that your grandmother's life would have been easily spared even if he intended to keep you for his own."

"I'm afraid to ask… but… how?"

"If he had been truthful to the queen about your family…"

"Wait… Sookie didn't tell me why he was sent."

"His original task was to put himself in your path so that he could determine how the Stackhouse family regards vampires… He reprioritized his agenda when he discovered your ability. In the other version, Sophie-Ann arranged a meeting as soon as she heard that you and your grandmother were willing to reunite with Hadley. They were in New Orleans while your grandmother was being murdered."

She sniffled, but still seemed unwilling to cry. "If I ask you something, will I get an honest answer or will I get a vampire answer?"

Given the topic, my chuckle was inappropriate. "If I can't give you an honest answer, then I'll tell you."

"He let her die on purpose, didn't he… It wasn't just because he didn't think to watch out for her or whatever… I told him that her and Jason were all I had left… That's why he wasn't more help trying to find out who was framing Jason… Something happening to Gran would make me weaker and that's what he wanted, right? Gran died because being around him made me look like a fangbanger and now Jason blames me for that… so Sookie is all alone and Bill looks like a prince for helping me through my ordeal."

"I didn't think he had it in him, but that seems to be the case."

"You're impressed with that?"

"I'm not impressed with what he put you through. I'm impressed that he thought to isolate you even though it was foolish considering Adele's apparent acceptance of 'your' relationship with 'me'. I suppose you could compare it to a small child finally thinking to put his pants on _before_ his shoes. He's not much of a vampire. You could call him a minion."

"As opposed to a sheriff?"

"There isn't much difference to the mentality when it comes to humans. There are people who notice subtlety, take initiative, guide well and plan strategically. Then there are those who don't… He might have had a chance to achieve mediocrity if he had a civilized maker, but she's a raving lunatic."

"You know his maker?" Sadly.

I nodded. "Our paths have crossed."

"So which one am I?"

"After what you saw tonight, I'm surprised you have to ask. It took you but a moment to decide on how to tell the queen about Compton's betrayal and align a meeting to secure your contract and tend to necessary business..."

"It took HER just a second…"

"One in the same, Sookie. The two of you aren't look-alikes. She is every bit as much you as he is me… The last few days have been drastically different for you, but you have it in you to be that calm and deliberate under pressure as she is. And as much as you might want to blame his blood for her steel, a bond doesn't make one something they aren't. It just strengthens what is already there."

She huffed and slid down in her chair. "_At least you think so_."

"Granted, I probably wouldn't be so sure of that if he hadn't described what you've been able to accomplish, but you'll eventually realize what you're capable of."

She sighed and stared blankly for a moment. "So this spy I supposedly heard…"

"A human, Winston, was caught thinking about how it didn't seem like it would be as easy to end me as the rest of the Louisiana sheriffs. Pam ended him when you got everything you could from him. You were there to look for problems in my bar while I test your ability. Bill wasn't happy about it, but since you volunteered your services to me he couldn't argue when I called him tonight."

"Do you think she'll buy that story though? I mean… There's no Winston and Bill will try to plead his case and…"

"The queen doesn't 'send flowers' when she wants information. He won't be given the chance to defend himself. As for 'Winston', the other me wrote a list of what she found when she was in New Orleans. Not only will you 'discover' several spies from Arkansas, but you'll uncover church spies _and_ a plot to end your cousin. You'll do it quickly enough to impress a vampire queen and she'll immediately offer a contract for your services."

"If you say so, boss."

"Boss?"

She shrugged. "It's just a saying… I just hope I don't screw up."

"Can I ask you something?"

"I guess."

"You didn't seem to have much reaction to learning that your cousin has been turned. Why is that?"

She shrugged again. "One of those bittersweet things I guess. We hadn't heard from her in about 5 years… It's nice to know she's alright… I mean, heroin was her only friend the last time we saw her, but she should've called… Gran, even her mom, died thinking Hadley was dead."

"She _is_ dead."

"Whatever."

"What exactly am I supposed to get from 'whatever'? Pam does that to me too."

She giggled. "Do you argue semantics with her too?... She's a vampire. She's not 'dead'. Maybe at dawn she is, but right now she isn't."

"It's not as though we're just heavy sleepers, Sookie."

"Photophobic with severe food allergies. How 'bout that?" That actually got a laugh out of me.

"Photophobic with severe food allergies, heightened senses and reflexes and a penchant for secrets."

She rolled her eyes playfully, "Weres have really bad PMS." I laughed again.

"Severe monthly mood swings… but how would you explain the hair growth?"

"Hypertrichosis."

"What is that?"

"The dog face boy from the circus… then again…"

"Then again what?"

"Gran had a theory… She never bought Prophyria as vampirism, but she thought that the Hypertrichosis disorder was a cover and I haven't gotten around to asking Sam if he knows… but since I have you here, what is 'Bombay'… _really_?"

Laughing again. "Is it bizarre that I wouldn't be bothered to find myself in their predicament if I have the chance to meet your grandmother?"

She tilted her head to the side with a curious grin on her face. "Why? Was she right?"

"Bombay was 'discovered' in Bombay, India. It's the rarest of 'blood types' because _it is supernatural_. Scientifically blood only has 3 types. A, B and O or their byproducts… Bombay is none of the above and what human doctors labeled pure Elves as having. It's disgusting."

"OH. MY. GOD!"

I nodded. "That grandmother of yours was quite perceptive. He told me that when he revealed to you that Merlotte is a shifter, she only reacted enough to seem satisfied at the news as though he was claiming to have witnessed 'creation'."

"Creation, huh? Don't get me started on that. Gran liked to get into debates about that… Since Vampires have the senses and speed and abilities… that and y'all are harder to kill than a human… she liked to get a rise out of her friends by saying that the Gods were vampires… She got into it with one of the DGD women that Adam could've been a vampire with the way the bible was written since Eve was made from him."

"Funny you should mention it… Pam checked into a hotel not long ago using those names for us. Then again, she's also used Sampson and Delilah, Hansel and Gretel and Homer and Marge."

"And yet you still let her make the reservations."

"She overthinks our aliases and then I pretend to be offended. It's a game we play not unlike the eavesdropping Sookie mentioned earlier. It saves the time of needing to reiterate, but I still give her grief about it… Having you around more often might add to the fun since you can feel her lurking. I have to consciously 'look' for her."

She giggled, shaking her head. "Sookie told me that y'all play jokes on each other… I'm not interested in getting stuck in the middle of a vampire prank war."

Since it was after 3 am, I got up to take care of my last chore before leaving. "Fair enough, but from what I understand you'd enjoy it."

She stood to watch me go to her dish rack and take a knife and coffee cup. "What are you doing?"

She gasped when a cut my wrist and let my blood spill into the cup. "I owe you a healing… I started the pranks though. She wasn't happy about a move we made when she was still very young. To be blunt, she was making an unfortunate situation worse. I spent the better part of an evening collecting rats and draining them and then had a servant place them in her bed during the day… she thought she'd drained them all in a blood lust until I 'caught' her trying to dispose of the 'bodies'. The look on her face was priceless and getting revenge distracted her from how much she hated Brussels."

She had been distracted enough by the story to grin about the joke, but still stared at my wrist. "I'm not sure I want to…"

"Then dump it out, but according to how things went for them, by the time they went to New Orleans she'd had his blood once. It could have helped her in identifying the spies."

"But you'll be able to _feel_ me."

"Which is why she took it initially. So that he'd have some clues if something happened. Even though they were suspicious of the queen at the time, it could still end up being a helpful tool. He told me that she can feel it when he tries to influence her. He's tried to calm her down, but she can identify the sensation as foreign if that's what you're concerned about… This bit of my blood will more than heal your wounds and you'll be perfectly fit within minutes."

"Mind if I ask why you're doing the cup thing instead of… well… When Bill gave me…"

"First of all, I'm not Bill. I'd very much appreciate it if you adjust to that concept as quickly as possible… Secondly, he alerted me to a unique event when they share blood. Since you're too shy to _say_ 'cum' in my presence, I doubt you're keen to do it with me."

Her eyes widened and she took a startled step away from me. "He… She… They… I…?"

It was hard to keep a straight face between her confusion and awkwardness. "They call it 'losing time'. Whenever she takes blood from him, they practically maul each other. He said that I'd never felt anything like it and that they've lost track of time until well after dawn. While the prospect intrigues me, I didn't imagine that you'd be comfortable with that idea."

"Well… thanks… I guess."

"Certainly. So… I left the check blank so that you can fill in the amount you'll need once you're done tallying your bills… I left my number, Paulette's and my day-guy's call if you think of anything you need… Pam will make arrangements for what you'll need to wear in public, but you should feel free to pack anything you might want to be more casual in… If you're unsure about taking my blood, then it'll keep in the refrigerator… He mentioned that Sookie would most likely sneak out of the house to pay a visit to you tomorrow… if there's nothing else, I'll leave you to get some rest."

"If they're at your house where are you going to go?"

"My house."

"You have extra light tight rooms?"

"No, but there is plenty of room for me on the floor. It's not as though I need a bed… I'm hoping to learn more before dawn. I'm anxious to see what kind of progress they've made in thinking a way through their situation."

"Oh, ok…" She stepped out of my way when she realized that she'd moved into my path, but when I reached the foyer she whimpered my name to get my attention.

No sooner than I turned to her, she wrapped her arms around my sides. I had to search for a way to react… my urge to replace the lingering scent of Compton with my own was increasing with every one of her heartbeats since her chest was pressed against me. Even if it had been another version of her, every impulse I'd had earlier taunted me… "You don't need to worry. Bill won't be free to cause any trouble."

"It's not that. It's just… well… thank you."

"For what?"

"And I'm sorry."

"Are you going to tell me what you're sorry for?"

"Same thing I guess… You were patient with me even though I was being a bitch."

"Ah, then you're not welcome nor are you forgiven."

She lifted her chin and pouted her bottom lip… _Why the fuck did she have to do that_? "Why not?"

"Because… I wasn't being patient. I'm simply better practiced at hiding hostility… and you aren't a bitch. I've been informed that you have absolutely no experience being shocked because of your ability and that you'll adjust well given time."

"Still… I must've been bad since she told me that if I didn't shut up she'd tie me to a chair and her and Pam would use me for 'thumb tack target practice'."

Sookie's lingering scent began needling me as soon as I lowered myself into my car… It made me question the intelligence of returning to my house knowing that she'd be there… And how the fuck I managed to control myself around her…

Having seen her sitting on my own lap in my office, knowing that at least some version of her had been able to chose me rather than Compton was almost enough to give me some semblance of hope… but when my copy mentioned that she talks in her sleep, I couldn't resist asking more about her once the business portion of our conversation had been over.

"_You said that she was willing to bond?"_

_He nodded. "By the time we'd been sleeping together for a week. The first time she had my blood was because neither of us were sure of Sophie-Ann's motives and it was a security measure, but she was willing considering the reasons and by the time we bonded, she was already considering being turned…" Never mind that I'd said 'sleeping together' rather than 'fucking'…_

"_Turned?" I was still shocked to hear that she'd take my blood._

"_She brought it up in passing because of the incident when she and Pam were injured. At the time she would only have wanted it rather than death, but she's made a few offhand mentions since then. Adele was the catalyst for me though. You may well have to work harder for it."_

"_Why would you want to turn her in the first place?" Why would I care how she felt about it, for that matter?_

_The way he grinned suddenly made me realize why Pam called me 'kickably smug'. "You'll learn… She's worth it… I'd have worked much harder to get her."_

"_What makes her worth it though? That mouth…"_

"_That will calm down once she learns that she can trust you. As it is the only time Sookie has argued with me has been because she felt I wasn't taking my safety seriously. There's no end to her sass though, but even that is more of an amusement than a bother."_

"_Such as hurling a stapler into the face of a vampire, daring him to strike and then backhanding him like an enraged pimp?"_

"_And having the balls to introduce herself to the queen. She's abused her Shifter boss and her Wolf bodyguard. She and Pam pick at each other like sisters, and Pam enjoys it. Mine kicked the Berts and had PMS medication sent to Andre. She's got brass. Considering what yours has been through, you'll have to invest more… Just don't lie to her. The truth goes a long way with that family. They'd rather be scared and informed than kept in the dark." Unfuckingbelievable._

"_You said that she was with you when you rose… She stayed with you in New Orleans?"_

"_And in my house. She found my resting place because she could feel my mind's location. She hasn't spent a single night in her house since she came to Shreveport. She sunbathes until just before sunset and that's what I rise to more often than not… Her heat nestled against my side, smelling of sunlight and fucking up with her would be the biggest mistake you ever make."_

"_That's a bit extreme."_

"_No. It isn't. She's not just a pet… I thought she would be at first. I resisted anything other than fucking, feeding and protecting her… she's addictive."_

"_That sounds like a distraction I should avoid."_

"_It's a distraction that you need. I needed it. HER. You've probably had more fun thinking of reasons to hire her these past couple of weeks than you can remember. Imagine being with her. Imagine dying every fucking morning with her by your side, knowing that she'll be there again at sunset. She's made a name for herself in the Supe community. She enjoys the independence she gets from her new income. She rejects being spoiled…" Nice try._

"_She seemed quite preoccupied with the ring…"_

"_That ring was a 'punishment' for complaining about gifts… mine was her retaliation. Make no mistakes about it. Sookie is no pet. She plays the part well, but she is an equal. A partner…"_

Since Kyra interrupted our discussion with a note from his Sookie, my brief Sookie tutorial was over and I was left to notice that I was still curious in spite of all that I'd already learned…

Even if I was obsessed, I'd be damned if I'd give Pam the satisfaction of admitting it.

I replayed the conversation to myself on a continuous loop until I pulled my car into my garage.

I paused for a moment before getting out, bracing myself, knowing that I'd have another hour before sunrise of smelling her… Smelling her and remembering what she tasted like and how close she had me to bloodlust…

And more than absurd… even though she was mine, I couldn't touch her, I couldn't have her, because she already belonged to _**me**_…

As I moved through the house, her scent only became more powerful.

Approaching my own room, having Sookie's scent hanging in the air stirred the temptation to make the short drive to Pam's house for my rest.

But I wasn't about to hide. Being around her, one of her anyway, was something I would just have to become accustomed to.

I rolled my eyes at myself when I knocked on the door to my own fucking room.

I was more than slightly surprised by the lack of an answer though. I'd have heard the water running or a conversation… even if Sookie were sleeping, I wouldn't be.

I gave one more knock before entering… and found nothing.

Even though the room was full of Sookie's fragrance, there were no other traces that they'd been in the house… It was strange enough to inspect things more closely, but being disappointed by what I found irritated me to no end.

After quick calls to Bobby and Paulette about their chores for the day and texting Pam so that I wouldn't have to answer her torrent of questions I decided to call Sookie…

It was, in all honesty, a test of my mental stability.

"Hello?"

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

"Nope… I'm just doing some book keeping. You aren't calling to fuss at me for not drinking your blood yet are you?"

"No. I suffer from no delusions that you'd drink it because I suggested it. After what you've been through, you're right to be apprehensive."

She was so quiet for a moment that she might have been holding her breath. "That little declaration is either really shady of you… or it's really sweet of you to understand."

I chuckled. "For once I'm not being 'shady', but I've never been accused of being sweet."

"I've seen you be sweet. You just weren't there… Anyway… What did you need?"

"I was actually just calling for validation that you already gave me. By the time I arrived at my house, they were gone. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't lost my mind."

"Oh."

"Yes... I think 'oh' just about covers it."

"Do you think they got back to… well, wherever?"

"I hope so."

"Well, good for them then… Let me ask you something." Like I could've stopped her.

"Alright."

"You said that taking your blood would heal me right away. Will the other side effects kick in pretty fast too?"

"Over the course of a few hours, they should. Why?"

"Well, _**IF**_ I take it so that we can take advantage of you being able to feel me, I was thinking that I should probably practice… Would you mind if I go to Fangtasia tonight? You know, to kinda test drive it. You said that we'd probably be in New Orleans the next night…" My, my, my… of all things… reasoning with her and then backing off…

"_**IF**_ you were to drink it, you probably _could_ benefit from some practice. You're more than welcome to do that at Fangtasia."

She giggled, "Unless you'd rather come out here to Merlotte's."

"No thank you. We've already done that, I just wasn't there."

Her laugh was enough to make me smile. "I'll see you tonight then, smart-aleck."

"Goodnight, Sookie."

"Nite."

As per my usual, I undressed and slid into my bed only to seemingly release more of Sookie's scent into the room…

She had most definitely been there, between my sheets…

And even though I'd been in the room alone for nearly half an hour, there was an unfathomable warm spot on my mattress…

It seemed to wrap itself around me… and stayed with me until dawn.


	39. Chapter 39

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 39**

**Women**

I'd completely expected to wake up alone. After the past few nights, it wouldn't at all have surprised me to rise to a silent tomb of a house due to another dreadful injury or fantastic mystical occurrence.

…So when I became aware that the house was practically electric with activity, I couldn't have been more pleased.

I could hear a vacuum being run in the distance and the hot water heater was refilling on the other side of the wall… The family was getting ready for Hunter's arrival.

It took a few moments for me to completely comprehend my surroundings. The thick smell of cleaning solutions made their way to me just before I realized the scent of the sheets I was laying on. Rolling over, I found that the heavily stained white sheets that Sookie and I had gladly sacrificed during our, as Sookie called it, 'carnal carnival' this morning had been replaced with clean (and most likely pressed) black ones. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know how she managed to change them. The thought was disturbing enough without confirmation.

Sitting up only allowed me to notice more. Not that I was a slob by any stretch of the imagination, my long existence without a maid service was testament to that fact, but I'd never been particular about kicking my shoes off next to my bed or desk at the end of the night… The shoes and clothes that Sookie and I had scattered throughout the room had vanished. The comforter that might as well be a rug since it had been spending so much time in a heap at the foot of the bed was in a perfect accordion fold over the end of the bed. The carpeting had been tracked by the vacuum. The keyboard, mouse and monitor were perfectly squared on the desk… and the chair was set so perfectly under the center of the desk that it looked like it had been done with a ruler.

I laughed when I became aware that Sookie and Adele were sharing identical moods. Nervously eager.

Sookie's crazed cleaning binge had struck the bathroom too. There was nothing but the smell of bleach under the vanilla candle that she'd left burning on the counter by the sink.

There was a brief moment while I was in the shower where I thought that it might have been a good thing that we'd had the distraction we did the night before.

That particular feeling was short lived, but it did leave me wondering about 'them' for the time it took for me to dress… making sure to erase my tracks, of course and that included doing my best to reset the desk as I had found it after I checked my emails.

I'd been tempted to jokingly leave something, everything askew, but undue stress would have been cruel… and asking for trouble.

The first person I encountered when I entered the kitchen was Alcide.

"Hide." His face was so serious that I couldn't help but laugh.

"They're just women."

"No they aren't smarty pants. They're _southern_ women getting ready for company… Compounded by the fact that the company is royalty and they've both had vampire blood… _Hide_."

"How bad?"

"Adele made the pool guy cry."

"He doesn't speak any English."

"Apparently Adele picked up enough Spanish to tell him that his mother and Jesus would be ashamed of his work ethic."

When I was done laughing… "Did they do away with Jason?"

"When he refused to go get a manicure…"

"Manicure?"

"He worked today. His nails were dirty… Sookie practically held him down to clean his hands and then they sent him to get a haircut."

"How did you not get sent?"

"They tried. I told them that my hair wouldn't matter because I'm _just a Were_. The queen would be excited that I don't have fleas." He mockingly sniffled.

"At least they still have the capacity for sympathy. How did Sookie not know you're full of shit?"

"She locked up. She's concentrating on just Adele to make sure she's holding up."

"They have to almost be done by now."

"They're putting the blades and sconces back on all of the ceiling fans. Adele will probably clean the kitchen again. I was sent to 'guard the soufflé'. Jason checks the oven when he smells stuff cooking and if the door gets opened, it'll fall."

I teasingly reached for the oven door slowly.

"They'll kill you."

"_They would not_."

"They'd drag you out to the yard to do it because they've already cleaned the floor, but they're vicious right now. Don't ever fuck with a southern woman when she's on a cleaning streak. It's the closest to bloodlust that you'll ever see a human."

"You say 'southern woman' as though it's synonymous with 'fire breathing dragon' rather than manners and mint juleps."

"You've seen too many movies. A southern woman _**IS**_ a fire breathing dragon… you're thinking 'southern lady'… that only comes out once the house is clean and their hair is right."

Sookie came into the kitchen quickly enough to surprise him with a slap. Her hair was pulled up into tangled ponytail and she reeked of cleaner and sweat… "Keep it up, I'll give you something to be scared of."

"Yeah, proving my point… You're so nasty you're going to have to clean the tub after you shower, Pig Pen."

She snarled at him, but turned to me. "We have about an hour before they're here."

"An hour?" How the fuck was that possible?

"Hadley called about an hour ago. They were about to take off…"

"Wait. Sookie… are you sure? That would mean she was up before me."

She looked over to Alcide who checked his watch before he gave her a nod. "Yeah. She said that last night she went with Andre to talk to Remy and he was waiting at the hanger at sunset with Hunter. They rested there for the day so that they wouldn't keep Hunter up too late."

"I'm only able to rise so early because of my age. Pam is only just now rising."

"That's… Wow. Really?"

"The earliest I've ever risen was 2 hours before sunset and even then it was because a storm was blocking the sun."

"You think it might be because of…"

"Who knows? But I'm asking tonight. There are plenty of…" I trailed off as a few things came to mind.

"What?"

"Other than her diet and schedule… she is still as she was as a human."

"Who said that?"

"Sophie-Ann… I was making a joke of your cousin's rambling."

"Eric, she could… when she was staying at your place in New Orleans… I didn't even check… I just assumed she was dying for the day."

"Did she mention to you if she'd gotten any gifts?"

"No… She bitched that she sucked at glamouring and that she wasn't that much faster or stronger… But we know she shares that thing… and then the whispering."

"It could be her gift… or it could be because…"

Alcide broke in, "Because what? Normally I wouldn't give a shit, but I'm right fucking here."

Sookie giggled and patted the counter in front of him. "Secret: I'm part faerie."

"No shit! That's funny… you know… considering."

"Yeah. I heard."

"So y'all are thinking that your cousin might not die because of the combo."

We both nodded.

"Well hell, good luck confirming that shit without getting turned… Hey, you could have Pam turn Jason… that'd be funny even if the experiment doesn't tell you anything."

The idea of Jason being a vampire was amusing enough before I pictured Pam as a maker. Sookie snickered that it would be a 'match made in hell' and probably inspire another series of poorly written books.

While Sookie bathed, I tried to plan how I'd confront Sophie-Ann for information about Hadley's condition as a vampire.

Even if it was all fact instead of guess-work, there really wouldn't be much way to confirm whether it was a gift or a side-effect of being part Fae without turning Sookie… But knowing the possibilities would help prepare…

We'd have to wait and see… I wasn't planning on bringing Sookie over any time soon… Not until she was comfortable with Hunter's maturity.

We'd most likely have a couple of decades to wonder… Annoying, but… _a drop in the bucket_.

When Jason walked in, he took one look at me and began shaking his head. "Hide."

Worth a chuckle, especially when Alcide groaned, "Sookie didn't even bitch at him about his t-shirt."

"Why would she say something about my shirt?"

"They bitched at us for not wearing something nicer." Are there grades of flannel?

"They'll relax soon enough."

Jason snorted and tossed his keys onto the counter and barely had the chance to put a finger in the air in a 'wait for it' gesture… Adele immediately shouted from her room for him to put them in his pocket.

He then went to the refrigerator and opened the door… And in a fraction of a second I was 'ordered' to backhand him if he tried to use a dish… so I was 'thanked' for her improved hearing.

Jason gave me an 'I told you so' face that I'd swear Pam had taught him. "If you ain't gonna hide, you got any tips on how we can?"

The mood of the Stackhouse women wasn't nearly as enjoyably lighthearted as it had been while cooing over Hunter's new things the night before… It was obscenely oppressive and belligerent. But there was a pronounced difference… While Adele seemed to be striving for perfection, Sookie was consumed with tension. Whatever was going through her head, she was only inflaming the stress that she was putting on herself.

I found her wrapped in a towel and drying the walls of shower…

"Sookie, I doubt anyone will be coming down here."

She jumped, too lost in thought to feel that I'd been watching her. "I know… I just… I want everything to look nice. Just in case."

"You're going to clean until you need another bath… then you'll want to clean again. Calm down."

"Calm down?"

"Yes, calm down. You've already met the queen and soon to be king. You've already reunited with your long-lost cousin. You're terrified of meeting a toddler."

"I'm not... He's not just a toddler though…"

"Don't make excuses. You need to be rational. I'm aware that he's not just a toddler… are you suffering the delusion that your mood will go unnoticed?"

She finally stopped her frenzied chore to stare at the tile for a moment. "I don't know what to do with a three year old… I've babysat before, but pizza and a board game isn't the same… I don't know if I can do this."

"You'll adjust."

"What makes you so sure?"

"You _**are**_ aware of how unreasonable you're being, yes?"

"I'm not!"

"You are. He doesn't need you."

"_**What**_!?" Infuriated with me instead of anxious because of company was an improvement… Manipulative and opportunistic had always been two of my 'best' qualities. They always made up for my complete ineptitude when it came to sugar-coating.

"He has a father. He doesn't need you. Right now there is no reason for that little boy to need you. His father might not know how to deal with Hunter's ability, but neither did Adele. If Hadley had never mentioned him, his life would continue on and he would most likely relive your childhood… He isn't starving or homeless. He isn't being abused or neglected. Moving to be with you is a completely optional upgrade. You managed, he could too…"

"That's not fair. I don't want him to have to…"

"Then stop. If you want to help him, the worst thing you could do is let him think that someone _like him_ is afraid of him."

"But… I don't think anything I do will be right."

"I'll say again, _calm down_. Your guard's first word to me tonight was 'hide'. Alcide and Jason are actually afraid of you and Adele at the moment. How do you think Hunter will react to that? Do you think the three year old mind reader will be amused that you two were so determined to clean the house like I am, or do you think he'll see that two readable men are afraid to move and take that as a warning sign?"

"They're overreacting…"

"Adele told me to hit Jason if he tried to pour a glass of tea."

She shrugged dismissively and walked past me to go the closet. "She's had you're blood. Can you calm her down?"

"It won't work as well because it's only been once... I'm going to influence you too."

"I don't want…"

"And you're going to let me."

"Eric…"

"You're either going to agree or I'm leaving for the airport now to send them back."

"Why?"

"Because as anxious as you are about his ability complicating things, Hunter won't look at you any differently than you looked at your mother. There'd be no point in having him here. What's your decision?"

"That was a low blow."

"Think about it for a moment… _and then_ tell me that it isn't true."

She glared, inflexible and upset for a while before she accepted that I was right. She reached into the closet and huffed out an annoyed 'fine' as she grabbed one of her dresses.

"Good. Wear jeans. I'm going to talk to Adele."

"Jeans?"

"Jeans."

I didn't have to look for Adele. She was already in the kitchen, wearing an apron over her a dress with her hair pulled back into a tight bun… She was scrubbing the sink again and Jason mouthed 'hide' from behind her.

"Adele, we need to discuss a few things."

"Good luck talking some sense into these lugs…"

"Actually… something needs to be done about you now that I've 'talked some sense' into Sookie. What are you doing?"

"I'm getting the house…"

"Let me rephrase. Why are you sanitizing the kitchen sink in one of your nicest dresses? Stop cleaning. Go put the usual braid in your hair and change into one of your typical outfits."

"What? Why?"

"Because Hunter's father is a construction worker who's been raising him alone. He's not going to feel comfortable around people who aren't comfortable, nor will he feel at home in a house that doesn't feel lived in."

"But the queen will…"

"When we left for New Orleans, did I or did I not make sure you would be dressed appropriately?"

"You did, but…"

"Who has more practice in dressing to suit a situation?"

"You do, but…"

"You've cleaned _and re-cleaned_ an already tidy house. You've bullied a Werewolf and your grandson about their appearances and now you're dressed as though you're about to attend to business instead of meet your great grandson... If I breathed, I could choke on the airs in the room and I'm a vampire so that says a lot. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were channeling Maxine Fortenberry. Go change."

Jason took an animated step back as though he didn't want to get caught between us. It was nearly impossible to not laugh, especially since the mention of Maxine Fortenberry caused an indignant flash of anger in Adele's eyes…

"Come on, now. Even Sookie realized I'm right. I thought you were the sensible one."

She shook her head, gasping, knowing that I was calling her difficult… hating it and owning it at the same moment before she stomped out of the room, violently yanking pins out of her hair and muttering about how I'd 'better be right'.

Jason and Alcide had the sense to wait until her bedroom door slammed behind her before they started laughing…

And then Pam arrived… And I started laughing… not at her. Not for any reason other than being relieved that I wasn't going to have to piss off the last of them…

"What? Do you think I should change?" She began straightening her lavender twinset nervously.

"No. You look perfect." I'm sure every stitch she was wearing was designer, but… pumps, jeans and a sweater set… She was as 'dressed down' as she could get without bringing tears to her own eyes.

"Win?"

"Definitely."

"So… what was going on? You've been… _ruffled_ for a while now."

"Sookie and Adele are overanxious about Hunter's arrival. Nothing more."

"Where are they? Did you go caveman on them? Use the 'boss' voice?"

I started shaking my head. "I _**was**_ happy to see you."

She blew a raspberry at me. "Has anyone heard anything, like when to expect them?"

"They're probably close to landing. They aligned things so that they could take off at sunset."

"It's a good thing I was planning on coming straight over then. Should I go do some damage control? Which one of them is more pissed at you?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Sookie is. I was too blunt."

She laughed and punched my side on her way to the basement door.

The last thing said for a while was when Alcide laughed at me as he and Jason went to the den to watch television… The prick told me not to worry, because there'd be two more women arriving for me to piss off.

Sookie and Pam stayed in our room… Whatever they were talking about wasn't calming Sookie down, but at least it didn't make things worse…

Adele made a brief appearance to show that she'd changed into something casual… and gave a cheeky eye roll on her way to pout in the library. I opted to follow her… With no work left undone, I decided to fill my idle time by typing her catalog of books so that it could be sent to Paulette… It took some work, but after nearly an hour of 'silent treatment' I managed to get her to speak to me by asking if there were any books she'd like for me to have Paulette look for… I used Hunter… _That's right_. I used _a child_ as my way back into her graces…

We'd put together a respectable list of 'bedtime stories'… Kipling, Carroll, Aesop and Andersen… I'd even gotten a little laugh out of her when I joked that Andersen was the only Dane to do anything notable unless she wanted to count Hamlet.

She'd just asked if all Swedes were as 'haughty' as I was or if there was just a Scandinavian rivalry when the knock landed on the front door.

Adele was so comically anxious that she yanked Sookie's laptop from my legs and practically threw it onto the desk... she grabbed my hand and would've been dragging anyone else…

She nearly hit me with the door when she flung it open to see Hadley standing with her arms folded across her chest… and much lower to the ground was Hunter…

Not tall enough to be eye level with Hadley's belt and wearing a plush dinosaur backpack over his jacket… he took a second to study Adele before he grinned at her. "You're Gran."

She beamed at him. "And you're Hunter. Did you have fun on the plane?"

He shook his head very seriously. "No."

"Sorry to hear that. Maybe you'll have more fun here. Do you mind if I hug you?"

He took a step back. "I don't like it."

Adele tried to hide how disappointed she was as Hadley stepped forward to offer a hug from her instead. All the while, Hunter studied me. "Remy says he doesn't like touching people."

Adele was suddenly comforted… "_Oh my! Of course he wouldn't… What was I thinking?_ How was the trip?"

Hadley huffed. "Quiet. Uneventful. He stared at us the whole time."

Adele scowled at her, but softened her tone. "You make it sound like he should've been happy about being with strangers… Quit being myopic."

Hadley _actually_ rolled her eyes… because the three year old should understand why he was no longer going to live with the only relative he'd ever known… "Sophie-Ann and Andre are in the car… they're giving us some time."

"Who are you?" The women looked at him to see that he was still locked down on me.

"I'm Eric."

"You're big."

"We keep a smaller guy in the den if you like."

He laughed. "Who is he?"

"Your cousin, Jason. He was watching television while we waited for you to arrive. Are you thinking about coming in, or would you like for your bed to be brought out."

He grinned and cut his eyes in my direction as he walked by us and stopped at the coat rack. He fixated on the top of it while he shed his backpack and then his coat and held it out to me.

When I took it from him, my hand brushed his. He reacted as though I'd given him a static shock; a startled breath and a twitch. It only proved that touch was as much an issue for him as it was for Sookie, just not to what extent.

The surprise came when my arms were back at my side. He took the step to grab my hand and look up at me for a long while. Confusion was winning the battle to take over his tiny face.

I didn't know if he was surprised by my temperature or what he could hear…"Hadley?"

"We… we explained that he'd be living here instead of with Remy…"

"Not why?"

"No."

"Nothing about yourself?"

"We didn't want to sc… No." Worthless.

"Hunter, there's a reason you can't hear my thoughts."

"What?"

"We know you can hear people's thoughts… Your cousin Sookie is the same."

"_She is!?"_

I nodded. "She's very good at it."

"You're not kidding."

"She hears more when she's touching someone too."

He looked at my hand, still barely wrapping his around two of my fingers. "You're quiet."

"Sookie can't hear vampires either."

"You're a vampire?"

"And you're a telepath. Nice to meet you."

"Don't you drink blood?"

"I do, but not from little boys. I hear they taste like boogers."

"I don't eat boogers!"

"Why would you? Your Gran will keep you too full of cookies. Would you like to go find Sookie?"

He gave an excited nod and held fast to my hand…

Downstairs, Pam and Sookie were sitting on the flawlessly made bed. Their conversation came to a screeching halt when I knocked on the jamb as a warning.

They were both surprised to see he'd already arrived.

"Hunter, this is Pam. She's a vampire too. And that is Sookie."

He watched her for a moment before looking to me. "She's quiet too."

"She's using her shields so that she can't hear your Gran and Jason."

"Shields?"

I nodded. "That's one of the reasons why you'll be living here now. She's going to teach you how to not listen when you don't want to."

"Really?"

"Really. Pam, why don't you come with me to find Jason."

She pouted, but she got up…

She stopped in front of him and squatted down to his level. "You're really cute for a midget."

"I'm not a midget. I'm a kid."

"What's the difference?"

"Midgets are little grownups. Kids aren't grown up yet."

"If you say so. Should I tell Gran to put out something for you to snack on?"

He gave her a grin and a nod.

She smiled back and stood up to ruffle his hair. "Alright then, Shortie, I'll see you upstairs."

It was too late for Pam to pass word about snacks. By the time we opened the door, Adele had already spread the counter to look like a bakery display case. "Are we expecting more company, Adele?"

"We weren't sure what he'd like. Sookie said she'd take the leftovers to work. Is he scared?"

I answered, looking directly at Hadley. "He was terrified for all of half a second. How the fuck anyone could be so unforgivably clueless is beyond me."

Hadley fired back. "He was scared of Andre as soon as he saw him. We thought it would make it worse."

"Oh, well, then… bravo that you actually thought… It's just a shame that it wasn't a _complete thought_. You said that you want to be a part of his life, but you couldn't be bothered to tell him what the fuck you are! Instead of doing what it took 2 seconds for me to explain in the 2 hours he was in your company, you waited for someone else to do it for you. And that's not to minimize that you took him from his father without telling him that there would be anything in it for him and had the gall to be upset that you didn't get your Hallmark Moment."

"I did what I thought was…"

"EASY! You did what you thought was easy _for you_! Don't you dare suggest that you thought about what was best for Hunter or the rest of your family. In case you're still at a loss, let me spell it out for you. Sookie can read minds. Jason has an impressive level of intuition and the only thing you seem to have gotten from your mysterious Faerie heritage is the gift to miraculously ignore your own culpability for anything." Perhaps last night's 'adventure' was too fresh on my mind, but how horribly everyone's lives could've been for the past couple of weeks wasn't escaping me.

She gasped dramatically and looked to Adele for some sort of defense and wasn't happy to see that she wasn't going to get one. "You told them?"

"Of course I told them. It would have been irresponsible of me to keep it from them… What the fuck do you think would happen if the mystery gets solved with a visit from your distant kin? The Fae clans have been at war with each other for long enough that _**my maker**_ couldn't remember a time when they weren't. They needed to know for their own safety and Hunter's."

"I didn't know that."

"Of course not… There are a lot of things that you don't know because you don't bother to ask. You have no idea what your ignorance and selfishness could have brought upon the family you claim to love so much."

"Are you going to tell me or are you just going to yell at me?"

"The mere fact that Bill was sent to assess them would have gotten Adele murdered and Sookie would have been very close to it as well. Jason would've hated her for it in turn."

"How could you kn…" She stopped herself and tilted her head to the side. She fucking knew something.

"Say it."

"No… I…"

It had been a long time since I'd met my breaking point, but I'd had enough. "Does Andre know?"

"Know what?"

"Fuck you then. Maybe you should've asked about how much patience I have for bitches that play dumb." I stormed out through the garage, feeling Pam's rising panic…

Without invitation I slid onto the bench in the back of the waiting limo, surprising the queen and her future king.

"Northman, you don't look very happy to see me."

"We need to talk."

"Hadley is upset. Is the meeting not going well?"

"All due respect, fuck Hadley. I want answers. I'm calling in that favor you owe me."

While Sophie-Ann evaluated me and my demand, Andre showed his fangs. I was tempted to use one of my new favorites: 'hang on, let me dig out my surprised face'. "Shut your fucking mouth. You know I'm not intimidated by that shit and I'm not in the mood. Take your Pamprin and stay the fuck out of this. I want answers. Nothing more… And before you try to 'put me in my place', do yourself the favor of remembering the mountain of chores I've carried out in the many years I've been in service. She's the one who's so fond of throwing the word 'family' around. We've found ourselves in the unique situation of overlapping private lives and I'm annoyed to no end that I've been force-fed semi-truths."

He didn't retract until he'd been given a long look from Sophie-Ann.

"Whispering is more polite."

That got their attention. "More polite than what?"

"Telepathically communicating in an effort to be cautious."

"How did you come to the conclusion that…?"

"You know exactly how I came to the conclusion that you have a mental connection with your children. Sookie can hear it. Not what's said, just that it's happening. It registers to her as a hum. My turn."

"What sort of answers are you referring to? I've been forthcoming."

"Bullshit. You've been less evasive than usual, but forthcoming isn't something you've ever been without extremes. We've known each other too long for that to work on me."

"Continue."

"First of all, I want to know what Hadley's ability is."

"Ability?"

"Yes, ability. Jason is affected. Hunter is affected. She wasn't 'skipped'. You had her as a pet for 6 months… passive as it must be, she's capable of something. I can't imagine keeping her for any other reason."

"You aren't fond of her?"

"No. She's tolerable under superficial circumstances, but only a lunatic would depend on her to do anything that wasn't self-serving… And, still, I'm doing more explaining than you are."

She found something amusing enough to laugh. "She is without a gift. Truly. She was a well behaved pet and I simply became quite attached to her. I do blame the taste of her blood for that."

"And now?"

"Now… she is on a vampire diet. She is on a vampire schedule, but to the best of our knowledge, she doesn't die. She sleeps. She still dreams. She does it during the day because we have checked and she can't be in the sun." Unfuckingbelievable… More proof that she could've been caring for her child all along.

"She doesn't have the acute senses though?"

"No. In fact, from what I hear, Sookie is a better vampire and you've yet to turn her."

"And you wouldn't by any chance be experiencing anything peculiar while you're dead, would you?"


	40. Chapter 40

**Bored To Death**

**Chapter 40**

**Redefined**

While Sophie-Ann evaluated me and my demand, Andre showed his fangs.

I was not amused. "Shut your fucking mouth. You know I'm not intimidated by that shit and I'm not in the mood. Take your Pamprin and stay the fuck out of this. I want answers. Nothing more… And before you try to 'put me in my place', do yourself the favor of remembering the mountain of chores I've carried out in the many years I've been in service. She's the one who's so fond of throwing the word 'family' around. We've found ourselves in the unique situation of overlapping private lives and I'm annoyed to no end that I've been fed semi-truths."

His fangs didn't retract until he'd been given a long look from Sophie-Ann.

"Whispering is more polite."

_**That**_ got their attention. "More polite than what?"

"Telepathically communicating with one of your children in an effort to be guarded."

"How did you come to the conclusion that…?"

"You know exactly how I came to the conclusion that you have a mental connection with your children. Sookie can hear it. Not what's said, just that it's happening. It registers to her as a hum that she's only experienced in your presence... My turn."

"What sort of answers are you referring to? I feel that I've been forthcoming."

"Bullshit. You've been _less evasiv_e than usual, but forthcoming isn't something you've ever been without extremes. We've known each other too long for that to work on me."

"Continue."

"First of all, I want to know what Hadley's ability is."

"Ability?" _Somehow I'd given the impression that I was going to entertain coyness._

"**Yes**, _ability_. Jason is affected. Hunter is affected. She wasn't 'skipped'. You had her as a human pet for 7 months… passive as it must be, she's capable of something. I can't imagine keeping her for any other reason."

"You aren't fond of her?"

"No. She's tolerable under superficial circumstances, but only a lunatic would depend on her to do anything that wasn't self-serving… And, still, I'm doing more explaining than you are."

She found something amusing enough to laugh. "Hadley's gift isn't as much of an ability as it is a convenience. Even now that she's a vampire she has a capacity for getting other breeds to cooperate… almost as though she was glamouring them. I've never had so much support from a Packmaster as I do right now. One could say that she's wrapped around Hadley's finger. In a word, I would call it diplomacy." _How sad…_ I wasn't going to tell her that Sookie had the same talent.

"And now? As a vampire? Sookie mentioned that Hadley called an hour before sunset."

"Now… she is on a vampire diet. She is on a vampire schedule, but to the best of our knowledge, she doesn't die. She sleeps. She still dreams. She does it during the day because we _have_ checked and she can't be in the sun." Unfuckingbelievable… More proof that she could've been caring for her child all along.

"She doesn't have the acute senses though?"

"No. In fact, from what I hear, Sookie is a better vampire and you've yet to turn her." Hiding how envious she was didn't work out well for her. She practically had 'jealousy' branded on her face.

"And you wouldn't by any chance be experiencing anything peculiar while you're dead, would you?"

"Vampires don't experience anything once they die for the day."

"I do."

"Such as?"

"Such as, last night Sookie and I encountered ourselves. We spent a 'full evening' searching for each other and then hearing and explaining the differences in our realities since our first meeting. We did nothing more than return to our starting point, our bed, and we were discussing how we might 'return' when things seemed to reset on their own accord… and put us at the beginning of the evening."

While Sophie-Ann gaped in my direction Andre's surprised gawking was directed at her.

She might as well have already admitted to having a similar experience and I didn't have the patience to wait. "Majesty? This isn't something I intend to advertise. You, of anyone, should understand that I simply want some sort of validation."

I'd never seen her more stunned and she actually 'shook it off'. "The first time it happened to us… It was a normal evening, or so we thought. It started with a meeting with my lawyer and moved along to the tedious receptions… Bill Compton came to present his newly acquired pet… a telepath that he'd found when he returned to his homestead to sort out the estate after his last heir died… I'm sure you can imagine how many applications for her ability I could envision… I suggested a contract, but he wanted to barter for Salome's area. Well… I'm sure you know better than to think I'd repay Salome's loyalty with a termination over a human asset… After dismissing Compton so that I could 'consult my advisors', Andre and I decided to end Compton and hire Sookie once he was out of the scenario. He'd kept her a secret so we were quite excited at the prospect of attaining her services so easily… When we retired for the day, I'd sent for Hadley as I had the night before and we'd barely fed before Frieda entered my chambers to 'begin the evening'."

"That was why you sent Compton on the errand then? Because you knew he'd be greedy enough to keep her under lock and key as well as easily disposed."

"In a manner of speaking… We had to search him out… at the time, Hadley was just a favored pet. We weren't sharing any political plans with her. While we were waiting for Compton to relocate, we learned that Hadley was related to Sookie, that Bon Temps was a common thread and eventually put our plans to acquire Sookie on hold. This was nearly four years ago. Andre's insistence was what spurned me to proceed and dispatch Compton… I'd intended to wait since we'd been hearing about Hunter's possible gift. The marriage and treaty with Arkansas wasn't something he's been in favor of."

"Understandable, but don't put me in a position to agree with Andre… _ever_."

She laughed while he snarled at me.

"So, you mentioned that it was the 'first time'… there have been others."

"Most notably was the night before Hadley delivered Hunter. I barged into my chambers to warn myself that I'd be burying them both just as she had if I didn't have Hadley with me in my chambers. I summoned Hadley that night and I rose with just enough time to turn her. I blame the late sunset on her weakened state as a vampire. She'd been gone for several minutes."

"She faired better than some… though I doubt that she'll ever be independent of you… How often does this happen?"

"Now that she's a vampire it's less frequent, but we've had more than a few occurrences. I'd say a dozen. I've had several scenarios… alone, with Hadley, with Andre, we had the experience where we seemed to go somewhere else, where we were visited and the one time where it seemed like a precognitive dream that we later understood was seeing another version of possibility. We've met 'ourselves' and we've been surprised as well as seemingly expecting of the 'visit'. It throws us every time… The only true constants seem to be Hadley's presence and that we always find ourselves in a different version of 'now' as opposed to something as laughable as time traveling and such…Tell me, how different were your two realities?" Hearing that it happened to her too somehow didn't make anything less surreal.

"While I assumed the responsibility of helping Sookie exonerate Jason in the interest of keeping a vampire related serial killer out of the news in my area, Compton made no effort to assist. We decided that he must've been isolating Sookie… Her only known family was Jason, Adele and Bartlett… He killed Bartlett, planned on letting Jason be convicted on circumstantial evidence by doing nothing to help Sookie's cause and allowed Rene Lanier to kill Adele, if not arranged for it himself… That Sookie isn't confident in her ability and was clinging to the certainty that Bill was her hero even though he'd gone to New Orleans to vie for an official position as Area 5's investigator leaving her to be attacked."

They both started laughing. "I sent flowers, did I not?"

Oh, sweet triumph… "You've already '_been there, done that'_?"

She nodded. "The ending of that saying is about getting a t-shirt, yes? Andre and I were 'with' Andre and I _and Hadley of course_ when Sookie called last night. Was it 'this Sookie' I spoke to?"

"Yes it was. Two Sookie's, two mes and a knob."

"Pam?"

"No. Just the one. Why do you ask?"

"Because… well, Andre has been along… _and_… you might want to talk to Pamela. When she and Hadley returned to feed after their attack, she mentioned that she'd been suffering from occasional bouts of what she could only describe as déjà vu… It was why she was watchful of the so-called donors that night. She might be affected and not realize how."

My first thought was that I'd make Pam pay for keeping something so conversation worthy quiet, but I knew that if she had tried to mention it, I'd have been laughing at her before 'déjà vu' was out of her mouth… even if she wasn't confused by it herself, I'd have made it impossible for her to explain it… "I'm sure I'll have the opportunity to discuss it with her eventually."

"Do you feel as though I've been adequately forthcoming now?"

"I do. I'll most likely contact you if it happens again. Not only do you seem better 'traveled', it might behoove us to compare notes for future reference."

"I've kept a diary. I reread it every time we have another episode. It's as full of questions as it is testimony. I'll make a copy and have it ready for you the next time you're in New Orleans. The wedding, I believe."

"Most likely. Considering Sookie's sudden popularity, we'll be quite busy until then."

"We need to discuss that in the near future. The details of your new status, that is."

"My status as Sookie's master is hardly worth a discussion since it's official and public."

The two of them shared a look that grated my last nerve since they seemed to be 'pausing for dramatic effect'. "We actually have an abundance to discuss. Such as, whether you want to keep Area 5 as our Lieutenant."

"I beg your pardon?"

"My current Lieutenant will be leaving a vacancy when he becomes King. You would be the obvious choice even if you weren't already in the position of owning the state's most valuable asset… considering the copious amount of travel in your future the extra authority will offer a few additional luxuries and leave no room for question as to how seriously we'd take an act against you and yours."

"Lieutenant?" I'd been less shocked to see a second me.

"Of course, but that's a conversation we can have at another time since tonight has been deemed a 'family affair'. Now would you mind being _forthcoming_ about why Hadley is so distressed?"

Since I was still stunned by being offered the position, there was no point in trying to sugarcoat anything... "That would be my fault. I already knew that she isn't fond of… '_hard truths'_. I let her know how disgusted I am that she didn't bother to tell Hunter anything about his new situation. The child reads minds and had no way of settling himself with any hints from the three of you. He was surrounded by completely silent strangers, one of them being his mother and was given nothing. She behaved with cowardice and I have no tolerance for that trait."

"He's frightened of you?"

"No. All it took to set him at ease was hearing that he wouldn't be my meal."

"He shied from Andre immediately."

"Have you looked at him? _He's revolting_."

She laughed and eventually rolled her eyes at how 'offended' Andre was.

"I'm sure she's unhappy that I told her family about Faeries as well. The fact that it's just as much their ancestry as it is hers aside, with Hunter to consider, Sookie's new recognition and the incident last night, they needed to be informed."

She shrugged slightly as though she was completely satisfied with my motivation for admonishing her child. "Very well then. Since we're all quite well informed, we should join the party, yes? The smell coming from your house is divine."

The three of us entered the kitchen to find that Sookie and Hunter had yet to come upstairs and when Hadley snarled in my direction, Adele and Sophie-Ann inadvertently slapped one of her legs in unison. The two of them shared a look and a quick laugh as Pam nominated me to 'retrieve the mind readers'.

Nearly complete silence was waiting for me downstairs. Nothing other than two sets of relaxed heartbeats and breaths.

Hunter was sitting on the edge of the bed with Sookie kneeling at his feet… His eyes were closed until I pulled out the desk chair and sat down.

"Where did you go?"

"Only as far as the driveway. I had Andre and Sophie-Ann come inside to join us."

"I lost you."

"You followed my 'bubble'?"

He snickered. "Not far."

"Did you feel it coming back?"

He nodded bashfully. He was still unaccustomed to being free to talk about 'it'.

"Can you tell the differences between us?"

That nod was more vehement.

"Are they the same kind of differences Sookie hears?"

"Yeah. Why does Hadley whisper?"

"We aren't sure yet. I think that she's just weird."

He giggled and Sookie told us to behave. "I've heard it before."

"Oh, really?"

"Once. In a store, but it was louder."

"Let us know if you hear it again. We might be able to figure it out. Are you ready to go upstairs? Everyone is anxious to see how you feel about living here. Your Gran and Jason want to see how you like your room. They put a lot of work into it and your Gran made enough treats to fatten an army."

His eyes lit up. "What kind?"

"You'll have to see for yourself. That kind of thing wasn't available when I was able to eat."

"_You're older than cookies_?"

Sookie and I laughed. "I'm afraid so. When I was a child, we would sneak breads to the closest beehive for honey."

"Didn't you get stung?"

"Regularly, but it was worth it." I winked at him as I stood to put the chair back (exactly) as I found it.

To spare him the climb, Sookie carried Hunter up the stairs… His wide grin was explained by the fact that Sookie has 'awesome shields' so he didn't mind touching her.

However once we were in the kitchen with everyone else, Hunter nearly threw himself out of Sookie's arms in a panic to get to me. _Me?_

His tiny arms barely met behind my neck and for a split second I wondered about what the fuck Jason could've been thinking about to scare him…

Sookie rubbed Hunter's back and whispered. "You'll get used to him. It's not scary, just different."

Hunter didn't look up, speaking into my neck. "_What is he?_"

"He's just a Werewolf." Alcide winced, making it obvious that he didn't like scaring the child.

He shook his head. "_They aren't real. Just in stories."_

Sookie cringed, lost on how to help so I gave his arm a nudge. "Hunter?"

Nothing.

Sookie rubbed his back again and still no response.

Jason was given a collective dirty look for the poor timing of his chuckling. "What!? I was just wondering if it was like Disneyland in there or something."

My mind? _Disneyland? _I actually snorted at the smart ass.

The only idea as to how to settle the boy down came from Adele. Since Hunter seemed to trust me enough to hide in my mind, she suggested that I take him somewhere quiet before setting him down to explain things.

Alcide was already apologizing and suggesting he should go home as I was on my way to the library. Pam told him to 'shut up and eat a cookie' because he wasn't going anywhere…

It was a chore to unlock his arms from my neck without hurting him, but eventually I managed to set Hunter on the desk so that I could sit clear of him in the chair.

He seemed dazed, looking around the room as he came back to himself fully. _"He's still here?"_

"He is. His name is Alcide. He's your guard."

"His head is scary."

"No. His head is _different_. You'll get used to it."

"It's all red…"

"He's not angry though. The red is just a coincidence."

"_He's really ok?"_

I nodded.

"And Werewolves are real?"

"They are. Werewolves and cats and a few others… Sookie has a friend who can turn into any animal he chooses. You'll be meeting a witch soon too."

"A witch!? Is she ugly?"

"Not at all. I think she's quite pretty… and very friendly."

"Like Glenda?"

"You already know a witch?"

"From Wizard of Oz."

"Oh, not quite. No big dress or wand… Paulette wears jeans and carries a cell phone."

"They look like people?"

I nodded. "There are witches… and then there are 'normal' people who call themselves witches, but usually just get themselves into trouble when they play with magic… The important thing for you to remember is that they're all secret. The world only knows about humans and vampires right now."

He nodded. "Like mind readers."

"Exactly. Eventually other things will make themselves known, but for the time being they are safer to stay quiet about what they are."

"Why did you tell me then?"

"Because we don't want you to be afraid of people like Alcide or Paulette. There are going to be witches and Werewolves that we can't trust, but that can be said of humans too."

"What is Jason?"

"A goofball."

He cackled, "That's not what I meant!"

"He's a normal human like your Gran."

"Nuh-uh." _Oh really?_

"What do you mean?"

"Their heads are hot."

"Hot?"

"Not cold." Adele had told me that Sookie was early to speak and read and that it wouldn't shock her for Hunter to have the same traits, but I still hadn't expected him to be so articulate. While he communicated in simple sentences, there was no doubt that he was comprehending everything… it was in his eyes… _and I had to appreciate his sense of humor._

"How are their heads 'hot'? Do you mean your Gran's too?"

He nodded and pulled his legs up to fold them together. He studied the ceiling for a moment, seemingly formulating his answer. "Yeah. Gran too. Like a blanket or… a hug."

"That's interesting."

"Interesting?"

"Not boring."

He snickered. "I meant why."

"We should ask Sookie if she noticed the same thing about you… since you're all family."

"They said that, but… how?" _Still? Seriously?_

"Hunter, Hadley is your mother. She is Sookie and Jason's cousin. Gran is your great-grandmother."

He disbelievingly shook his head. "My mom is dead. Daddy said."

"He didn't know that she is a vampire. She's a different kind of dead."

"She's my mom?"

"Yes."

"Then why are you and Sookie taking me?"

"Because Sookie can help you. Hadley can't care for you because vampires die for the day." A half truth that Hadley should be beaten for forcing me to tell.

"And you can keep me safe?"

"I'll certainly do my best. You don't run with scissors, do you?"

He giggled. "No. I don't mess with bees either."

I laughed at his joke. "Touché… Are you ready to go back now? Your Gran is about to send Jason home because he won't leave the brownies alone."

He narrowed his eyes. "They have nuts and I don't like them. But how did you know?"

"You can hear thoughts, but vampires have very good hearing. I'd bet the back of Jason's hand is red from being slapped away from the snacks."

"Is she mean?"

I stood up and held my hands out in an offer to carry him, but he only took one to help himself down. "Not at all, but she's very nervous about making sure you're happy. Sookie wasn't lucky enough to have anyone that understood being around a telepath. Your Gran had to learn as she went."

"But Sookie already knows what will help?"

"She knows what would've helped her. I suppose that's a good place to start."

"Are there a lot of us? Tele… tele…"

"Telepaths… You and Sookie are the only ones I've ever met."

He stopped walking and looked up with a surprised expression. "_But you're older than cookies_."

The first thing Hunter did when we rejoined the waiting collective was apologize to Alcide... He actually took Alcide's hand to 'test his head' and pulled away laughing that Tommy 'isn't retarded, he's normal'. Alcide had inadvertently compared Hunter's communication skills to his nephew's.

Hunter's second order of business… was turn to Adele to ask what his snacking options were...

While he snacked, he was interviewed about his preferences… movies, books, toys, outings, food… the onslaught of attention took him a while to adjust to, but he did adjust to it all… and he offered very few surprises…

He'd never been able to watch TV or movies with company because 'people think too much'… Pam immediately offered to keep him company since her thoughts wouldn't distract him... He thought it was hilarious that she said he'd be a better movie date than I am…

Books weren't high on his list. He informed us that he could 'read some but not real good yet'. Janell Cannon wrote the 'prettiest' books. Alcide and I were stunned that he could read anything at his age, but Adele and Jason weren't the least bit shocked since Sookie was helping Jason with his homework as early as 5.

As suspected, Hunter liked quiet toys… specifically, dinosaurs and dragons.

Hunter wasn't fond of outings in general because he didn't like crowded places for the obvious reasons… His eyes brightened when Sookie mentioned that most places were less crowded during the day and that she was going to start proving it right away…

Adele was appalled to hear that the boy had been eating what she called 'bachelor food' for as long as he could remember… but just as pleased to hear that he wasn't picky…

All in all, the boy led us through a list of inclinations that his father would have shared if he'd been given the chance… _or his mother if she actually cared enough to ask._

Knowing that Sookie had been more right than she realized about Hadley using her vampirism as an excuse to not raise Hunter herself irritated me to no end. Not that being sequestered to a wing of the palace would have given him a happy childhood, but the fact that she didn't even bother herself with him in infancy spoke volumes.

I would have thought that Hunter's to-do list might include talking to Hadley about his recent discovery, but when he was done (and he'd asked about a _mysterious humming_ several times) he asked to see his room…

He was more than a little pleased to see that his bedding had dragons on it… He was thrilled to see 'fresh' crayons because he'd forgotten to put his in his dinosaur backpack with his favorite toys… He marveled at the idea of having his own bathroom…

I caught myself feeling satisfied that Hunter was going to be comfortable… but more than anything, Sookie, Adele and Pam's excitement that he seemed so happy about his new accommodations was stirring a ridiculous amount of unvampirelike emotion that I wasn't about to irritate myself with scrutinizing.

It was odd enough that I'd found myself in love with Sookie, or at all for that matter, but the distinct itch that I might have been developing a regard for a (mostly) human child was just as perturbing as it was crazed.

As Hunter's tour continued, he mentioned that it was 'way past' his bedtime so it was explained to him that much later bedtimes were in his future since we 'enjoy the nightlife'… since his usually early bedtime was because he had to wake up before dawn to get ready for a daycare he wasn't fond of, he _was not_ disappointed to hear that 'sleeping in' was part of his new life…

He wasn't anymore disheartened to see the pool or be promised a swimming lesson after they had their breakfast…

Nor was he downcast about the television that was bigger than him… literally.

And by the time he was done rejoicing over the idea of a 'weekly vacation' in the country, Sophie-Ann, Andre and Hadley had deposited his belongings in the foyer and slipped out of the house…

Hunter had barely noticed. The same _could not_ be said about Sookie, Adele and Jason… the three of them were fuming that Hadley wouldn't have at least announced her exit. Pam and Alcide seemed to share the same brand of sympathy for Hunter…

While Hunter acquainted himself with everyone, Adele packaged the surplus snacks for Alcide and Jason to take with them as her version of an olive branch… she went as far as to offer an apology for having been 'out of control' when she hugged them on their way out… They were actually sent home shortly after midnight since neither of them had the luxury of sleeping late… When I caught an amused grin on Hunter's face, Sookie whispered to explain, "He's a kid after your own heart… he thinks it's funny that the grownups are getting sent to bed before him."

It was nearly 2 am when Adele announced that she was 'tuckered out' and that Hunter shouldn't try to 'become nocturnal overnight'… Again, Hunter caught onto the irony… No, there was no question as to the depths of the boy's comprehension… Hearing the overcomplicated thoughts of everyone around him since he was born had primed him for an astounding intellectual capacity… Just like Sookie, his physical and emotional states would be his only limitations. Only time would tell, but I was starting to question if my blood had done much of anything to bolster Sookie's ability… Accepting and finally exploring her ability may very well have been responsible for how much stronger of a telepath she was… Since it would take something catastrophic for me to give a child my blood, time _would_ solve that mystery for us.

While Hunter happily showered in his own bathroom, Pam and I helped Sookie start unpacking his things… Both of us had to offer Sookie some encouragement when she noticed that all of Hunter's things were in good condition. She mentioned that it might have made her feel better about the circumstances if Hunter's things weren't so well taken care of… if it seemed like Remy didn't care anymore than Hadely.

Since Adele had said her 'goodnights' before Hunter bathed, Pam only stayed long enough to help 'tuck him in'… but not before reminding him of their 'date'.

Completely exhausted from her maniacal cleaning and self induced strain, Sookie peeled out of her clothes and slid between the sheets before asking me why I'd been 'mad enough to chew nails' earlier…

We spent the next two hours discussing Hadley's selfishness, the sudden offer of a 'promotion' and the insane concept that we weren't the only ones to have visited ourselves… eventually getting to the topic of Hunter and that she'd heard that he was excited to be here with 'us'…

Dawn's approach was just starting to slow me down when Sookie and I heard the door to the kitchen open.

It took her only a second to yank the blanket over me and scramble to put my discarded t-shirt on to cover herself.

She stood still, waiting, 'listening'… tiny footsteps and slightly labored breathing mixed with a quiet grunt or two…

She finally slid back into the bed without investigating further, but she was smiling from ear to ear as she snuggled into my side feeling pleased (if not thrilled).

"Hunter brought his blanket and pillow down. He's already mostly asleep just outside the door."

"Are you surprised that he'd like you right away?"

She giggled, tightening her arm over my ribs. "He didn't come downstairs to be closer to _**me**_, Eric."


End file.
